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-   -   Introducing ... myself (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1011)

Baernin 10-23-2009 04:32 AM

Introducing ... myself
Hello, I just stumbled over this site, and wanted to introduce myself. I'm thirty married, with two year old son. I don't know much about how other people live the life, but I'm curious. I sort of stumbled over it, and I'm nervous but so compelled. Theoretically, I'm okay with Polyamoury, I've loved more than one person before, but it's been a rough road between my husband and I. My husband and I have had a lot of financial and communication issues, but we're a lot better about the communication and honesty. It started out with a crush he had, that turned into a three some one night, that turned into an affair that almost ended our marriage. And then there was our girlfriend about two years ago, but I was still angry about being manuevered somewhere we hadn't negotiated for, and I was nervouse and very insecure about my body and moral background. (I"m married and bisexual and raised as a fundamentalist pentecostal christain so I've had a few hangups along the way) It didn't end badly, but it kind of petered out, mainly because our girlfriend was full of grace. She's the one who pointed out to me where I was having issues and help me confront and heal from it. She left us in better shape than she found us, and then she moved away. I wish she'd move back. Right now my husband are physically separated while we try to save up money to get our own place again. There's a woman we're both interested in, we both like. She likes us. She aproached us a year ago, well, me specifically, but we weren't blunt enough with eachother. I'm afraid that if my husband and her start up before I get home I'll miss out and it will be more of a V when from everything we've said so far it sounds like it could be a beautiful triangle, if I have the terminology correct. And then I think, there's that fear popping up again. Anyway, I"m also interested in spinning and knitting and christianity. I'm looking for anyone interested in friendly encouraging chatting, and glad to meet you all. The posts have been enlightening.

LovingRadiance 10-23-2009 05:42 AM

Welcome. I'm a talk-friendly person so if you ever need an ear to bounce thoughts off of feel free to send me a personal message.

My story is on here somewhere but if you click on my picture and look in my profile you will find a list of my posts and can learn a wealth about my situation.

Currently it's a V-got here by a messy route, kind of like you were describing in your life (but in our case I was the one who was screwed up) and my dear husband is seeking a girlfriend as well. We'll see what we end up with-no idea yet!

Take care and enjoy reading;)

Legion 10-25-2009 12:49 AM

I don't know what a "V" is exactly , but reading your post reminds me of one of the biggest fears I have in poly relationships.. that someone will be left 'out in the cold'. Not necessarily me, because for some reason I don't mind being alone for a short or long while, but I worry that someone I love won't be "getting enough" and I or anyone else won't be able to provide it.
That feeling of scarcity is definitely something I've felt and wouldn't wish on anyone, because once it's locked in like a depression it's hard to get out, no matter how much attention you are getting.

It sounds like you had a good experience with your "graceful" g/f, and that you are pretty open to new relationships... best of luck to you!

LovingRadiance 10-26-2009 10:23 PM

Legion. I have a V.

here goes explaining:

I am married to and in love with Maca


I am also in love with GreenGecko

Maca----Me-----Green Gecko

Green and maca are friends-NOT lovers and never will be as they are both straight men.

Could be men or women in any role but it's a positioning where there is one person who is in love with two who are not in lovewith each other.

If all three were in lovewith all 3 that would be a triad.

Legion 10-27-2009 06:40 AM

Would it still be a V if say I were involved with a woman who had a b/f and the b/f and I became close? Not close enough to have sex, or let's just say I'm 99% hetero so I wouldn't want to have sex pretty much no matter what, but in all other things I was close to this guy, enough to tell him I love him... (though not really "romantically")

LovingRadiance 10-27-2009 07:02 PM

Yes-I believe so.
I of course who the hell knows FOR SURE! It might be a U. ;)

Seriously though-I think so. Let me see if I can find a good list of the dynamics and I'll start a new thread for you called "definitions" on th new to poly board! Give me a few!

maca 10-27-2009 07:19 PM

The biggest thing I see in any poly style is that all need to love each other to some degree.Maybe not sex and im may case deffinatly not sex with LR's BF.And with patience and open mindedness a friendship can come from the oddest of places. wait and see what happens I suppose.

sea 10-28-2009 04:18 AM

Welcome Baernin,
I understand a lot of what you have been through, my pathway to where I am today has been full of all kinds of trials! Hell, I am the preachers daughter, I know all about some of those hang-ups!

Enjoy the forum

Baernin 10-28-2009 03:48 PM

It really is nice to meet someone who understands those kind of hangups. One of the hardest things is feeling like there isn't really anyone who understands or that my family would absolutely refuse to believe that my relationship could possibly be healthy if it involves more than one other person.

Fidelia 10-28-2009 07:28 PM

Greetings, SisterWoman!

Welcome to the forums. I am a strong Christian woman myself. There's a book I read recently you may be interested in. It's called Divine Sex: Liberating Sex from Religious Tradition It really opened my eyes to some very liberating concepts.

The author, Philo Thelos, a Christian scholar coming out of a decidedly conservative background (sound familiar?), proposes to examine the Bible to determine what is and is not acceptable to God in terms of human sexuality. The answers hes found show that Biblical sexual ethics differ widely from modern Christian sexual morality.

I'd love to be able to discuss this book with other Christians, especially Christian ladies, who have read it. If you would like to read it, I'll try to help you get a copy.

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