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-   -   Too perfect? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10062)

gentlelust30 05-20-2011 08:35 PM

Too perfect?
So, after 14 years we've finally decided that polyamory could work. I'm very monogamous, my husband is the poly one. My husband has always been free to have as many lovers as he wants. For the last 3 years, he has been seeing one particular woman occasionally and maintaining a long distance relationship (just texting and calls) with a another for 2 years.

We've finally met one woman who we can both call our friend and she understands the lifestyle. My husband has been with her twice and she came to our house so we could all share him (I'm not bisexual, not interested in women, so it wasn't a threesome in the usual sense) I'm quite happy to let her and my husband do their own thing which is right now just texting since my husband is out of town.

We've laid ground rules for when he does come home and everything is going perfectly. Too perfectly I think. It all just seems too good to be true. The ease. And it has me scared.

Why am I scared when it is paper perfect?

drtalon 05-20-2011 09:58 PM


it wasn't a threesome in the usual sense
I'm not sure there is a usual sense for threesomes. Unless you're talking about the porn world and not the real world. Every threesome I've been part of in the real world has been unique--a completely different dynamic depending upon the people involved. Though, maybe it depends on one's definition of "sex" and "threesome." I've a very expansive definition of sex.


Why am I scared when it is paper perfect?
Maybe you're still developing your trust of this person. Being suspicious about things being "too perfect" is one of the ways we emotionally protecting ourselves from possible disappointment. Sometimes things are "too perfect" in the sense they're not. Sometimes things are just perfect. The rub is those two situations can look the same in the beginning.

redpepper 05-20-2011 10:02 PM

Perhaps you are cautious rather scared? Understandable, its still new. I would wonder if calling/seeing your "rules" "boundaries" would ease up how you feel and respect any change that comes along. I go by "boundaries" as they make me feel like there is room for change if need be. Good times come with times of struggle. Enjoy the nre while you have it! :)

nycindie 05-21-2011 01:44 AM

I don't quite understand something. You write as if you are new to polyamory, but yet you say your husband's had lovers for the last three years. It seems you have incorporated polyamory into your lifestyle for a while now. What is it about this one relationship that is different from any of the others? Or was it all just swinging before now? That doesn't seem so, to me, because his relationships were long-term. Neither the situation nor the problem are very clear to me.

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