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-   -   Two People, One Username (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=16218)

opalescent 10-25-2011 01:44 PM

Two People, One Username
 
I see a fair number of couples who set up a single username for the forum and then both, or sometimes just one, post under that name.

For the couples out there who decided to do this, why set up your username that way? Why not separate usernames? Does it work well for you? Have you had any conflicts? Do you consider the username to represent the couple as an distinct entity?

AutumnalTone 10-25-2011 02:55 PM

We have no policy against it, as we can't verify that any supposed individual's postings are not the result of a group effort of bored teenagers in Siberia. I think it's slightly dysfunctional, myself, as I have a strong bias in favor of distinct independence in relationships. I'm interested in hearing as to why anybody would do that sort of thing, though.

nycindie 10-25-2011 03:08 PM

It sure can get confusing to try and keep track of who's "speaking" when two people post under one username. So, simply for practicality and clarity, I tend to dislike it when a couple does that.

opalescent 10-25-2011 04:26 PM

I have no wish to ban one username for multiple users, even if that was practical. I do find it personally odd - why wouldn't an individual want their own account? - but it happens often enough that I was curious about the reasons why.

FireChild 10-26-2011 02:42 AM

I think for a lot of couples starting out and just being naturally wary of where things are going it might be best for THEM even if it's confusing for us.

GroundedSpirit 10-26-2011 02:33 PM

There may be a number of reasons for it.

1> One partner may not be too computer savvy and would never log into something alone.

2> One partners usage may be so minimal that it doesn't justify them having to manage yet ANOTHER username & pwd.

3> Not everyone really is into all this online identity stuff. It's superfluous to them. More than happy to throw out the rare comment on another ID.

Stuff like this - I'm sure theres many more reasons

Norithespider 10-26-2011 04:37 PM

My partner doesn't post on this forum, but when we first started dating, we joined a number of sites as a couple. I think for some couples just getting started in poly, it is scary to think externally from their relationship. I think most couples who succeed in being poly for an extended period of time eventually develop a sense of sense within their relationship, but I think especially for newbies it is easier to be seen as a unit.

gleegirl1203 11-03-2011 02:05 PM

I'm the only one that posts under my username. I told my fiance he should join the forum because I'm gaining a lot of insight from it, and that would save me from having to read him every single thing I find that I think is applicable or interesting to me/us.

NathandDom 11-09-2011 03:06 AM

One couple, one account
 
We are new, and have been told that having one account can be detrimental, but this is how we handle every group we belong to.

We choose to have one account for many reasons. Primarily because it is pointless to have multiple accounts and having to parse messages back and forth constantly. We are a unit. One couple, and hopefully eventually, one group. Romantically we are one person. We are not looking for other partners individually. We don't want multiple relationships or flings. We want one cohesive relationship of multiple people. So it is only reasonable that we present ourselves as a couple looking to add more, and not as individuals looking for our own partners.

This is not meant to condemn anyone who has a different opinion, differences are what make the world good. This is just our personal philosophy and desire.

SchrodingersCat 11-09-2011 06:19 AM

I agree that it's confusing. Unless both people are consistently logging in at the same time and only using the pronoun "we" then it's effectively two people using one identity.

I'm quite sure the couples who do this do not share driver's licenses, social insurance numbers, or passports. Their pay cheques are not made out to "Mr. and Mrs. Johnson"

If they're logging in one at a time, and posting at some times as one person and other times as the other person, they really ought to get their own accounts.

If they have their own reasons for using the same account, then as a courtesy to the rest of us, it would be useful to prefix their posts with "John speaking" or "Jane speaking" to avoid the confusion without losing their convenience.

Times2 11-09-2011 05:12 PM

My husband and I have one username because we do everything together, so he is gonna read every post I make and visa versa. He is unlikely to post anything simply because he will leave that to me but should he do so, I will make sure he has stated it is him who is posting so as not to confuse. :D

redpepper 11-10-2011 04:42 AM

This topic has come up before and as a mod it is better for us if one account belongs to one person. If we have infractions to give out then it is better to do so for one person rather than for two when one of the two is not to blame. We have seen many couples fight on here and it is less confusing when there are two accounts. We have had couples share accounts that they fight on and its just a nightmare... I know, you guys would never fight :rolleyes:

I respectfully ask that people do not create accounts together.... other sites forbid it on the grounds that it makes things difficult for the mods... if you insist then please at least say who is talking.

As a long time poster on here I am less likely to engage with two people on one account. It makes me uneasy that I don't know who I am talking to. I would be less likely to choose to be friends with people who share an account because I can't guarantee who I am talking too. I would be less likely to support them, give them advice or acknowledge them because I find it creepy and co-dependent. Poly to me is about individuals not creating the borg. That's just me though. ;)

ImaginaryIllusion 11-10-2011 04:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110210)
Poly to me is about individuals not creating the borg.

Resistance is futile...use more LUBE!!! :rolleyes:

redpepper 11-10-2011 05:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion (Post 110212)
Resistance is futile...use more LUBE!!! :rolleyes:

You will be assimilated and treated like a puppy dog... with lube. ;)

ImaginaryIllusion 11-10-2011 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110217)
You will be assimilated and treated like a puppy dog... with lube. ;)

Sounds like you're reading too many fortune cookies again.

Oh, and another thing....I'm not your sub. ;)

redpepper 11-10-2011 05:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ImaginaryIllusion (Post 110219)
Oh, and another thing....I'm not your sub. ;)

I'm not talking about you! I'm talking about unicorns... :p

Derbylicious 11-10-2011 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110222)
I'm not talking about you! I'm talking about unicorns... :p

Where are you keeping these lubed up unicorns of yours? :D

Magdlyn 11-10-2011 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110210)
This topic has come up before and as a mod it is better for us if one account belongs to one person. If we have infractions to give out then it is better to do so for one person rather than for two when one of the two is not to blame. We have seen many couples fight on here and it is less confusing when there are two accounts. We have had couples share accounts that they fight on and its just a nightmare... I know, you guys would never fight :rolleyes:

I respectfully ask that people do not create accounts together.... other sites forbid it on the grounds that it makes things difficult for the mods... if you insist then please at least say who is talking.

As a long time poster on here I am less likely to engage with two people on one account. It makes me uneasy that I don't know who I am talking to. I would be less likely to choose to be friends with people who share an account because I can't guarantee who I am talking too. I would be less likely to support them, give them advice or acknowledge them because I find it creepy and co-dependent. Poly to me is about individuals not creating the borg. That's just me though. ;)

Agree!

AutumnalTone 11-11-2011 06:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110210)
If we have infractions to give out then it is better to do so for one person rather than for two when one of the two is not to blame.

Yeah, well, everybody using the account is responsible for its use. If one person wants rewarded with a ban for trolling or flaming or something, all of them are responsible. They all get to share the ban.

Quote:

I respectfully ask that people do not create accounts together.... other sites forbid it on the grounds that it makes things difficult for the mods... if you insist then please at least say who is talking.
For those interested, it's now suggested in the guidelines to avoid sharing accounts. We are also considering whether we want to require separate accounts.

Quote:

As a long time poster on here I am less likely to engage with two people on one account. It makes me uneasy that I don't know who I am talking to. I would be less likely to choose to be friends with people who share an account because I can't guarantee who I am talking too. I would be less likely to support them, give them advice or acknowledge them because I find it creepy and co-dependent.)
I suspect there are many who share these sentiments.

SchrodingersCat 11-12-2011 01:56 AM

I think requiring it could be a little touchy, but I'm not opposed to it.

I see nothing objectionable with a couple creating an account together, always sitting at the computer together when they use it, and always speaking in the first person plural. The codependency of such a relationship is another issue, but frankly none of my business.

However, I think it would be good to rule that if people are going to write any posts in the first person singular, then they must create their own account. It's up to them if they share the password, only use one account for following threads, and then just hop onto the other account to post a reply as the other partner.

It comes down to this: using the same account may be easier for the two people, but it makes it harder for everyone else. It presents a roadblock to effective communication. It wastes our time trying to figure out who's talking instead of focusing on a response. In the extreme, it can lead to people getting fed up and just ignoring these users rather than trying to help them.

redpepper 11-14-2011 05:34 AM

I would be so incomfortable with anyone speaking for me. Not my husband, not anyone could say what I say, even if they think they can. I might make agreements with him and my other partners, but those are personal to ME and ME only.

What is it with couples assuming that being independent is in someway LESS committed, LESS faithful? As if their wedding vows are in some way reduced to something meaningless because they venture out alone (god forbid!).

I am reminded again of that poem by Gibran, something about the pillars of love stand apart in order to hold the relationship together or something. I will find the quote...

redpepper 11-14-2011 05:54 AM

Here it is

http://www.katsandogz.com/onmarriage.html

opalescent 11-14-2011 01:32 PM

I also find it rather creepy and would not make that choice myself.

But, enough people decide to go this route that I think outright banning it would be difficult. Recommending that folks have individual accounts and that if they must go the two people - one username route, also strongly recommend to indicate who is speaking every time would be sufficient in my mind. And let them know that if one or both are acting asshole-ish, then both will be banned as they share one username.

(Not a mod! Just my own thoughts here as always.)

Senga 11-14-2011 02:07 PM

hey just want to say hi, & my boyfriend lets me do most of the typing/chatting, as he does talking on the phone because he is more comfortable that way. We both do video calls. Anyways sometimes I just have an account that I let him read, sometimes we have our own profiles, but we are such a part of each others life that we just communicate by letting each other read mail SOMETIMES. :)

On a side note... I see that you two are hoping to relate to a third as a couple/unit. I assume that means you would like a triad. Thats nice & handy & understandable since you are part of each others lives, just wanted to say that that a unit can have individuals as well. There will be a time when you or he would spend alone time 1 on 1 with a third, perhaps he goes to the bathroom? or you go to the store? & you or he are faced with being a couple with your third... just try to keep that in mind so that you also try to grow the individual relationships within the triad as well. Those are the glue really, in my opinion

AutumnalTone 11-16-2011 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110780)

I find that to be the most intelligent thing I've ever read of his (I'm not a fan).

mekodesu 11-17-2011 06:28 AM

i think originally we (my lady folk and i) were going to just have one acct. however, i am on here more than either of them because i am always wanting to know more and what others are dealing with as well ext.. ext)

so this is just my acct and no longer the acct for the collective. i figured that if they want to or desire to post here or start reading the boards again they will make an acct which will possibly be used by the two of them as they have a couple acct's like this. for them it just makes sense. i agree though that unless the post is specified with we it is difficult to tell who is who, i decided that a few months ago with someones post.

clairegoad 11-17-2011 10:02 AM

Hello Lurkers!!! <friendly wave>
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by gleegirl1203 (Post 109074)
I'm the only one that posts under my username. I told my fiance he should join the forum because I'm gaining a lot of insight from it, and that would save me from having to read him every single thing I find that I think is applicable or interesting to me/us.

And anyone can READ these forums. A user name is needed to POST.

So your fiance could read and learn... but just avoid posting.

I, myself, am compelled to respond sometimes... so.. well... I need a username.

My couple is not on here... I've sent links to various threads/topics they might find interesting.. but forums are my thing, and not theirs...

SchrodingersCat 11-18-2011 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110780)

"Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf"


So now I have to start buying different loaves of bread? And I can't sip his coffee? wth?

SchrodingersCat 11-18-2011 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 110777)
I would be so incomfortable with anyone speaking for me. Not my husband, not anyone could say what I say, even if they think they can. I might make agreements with him and my other partners, but those are personal to ME and ME only.

Funny now that I think of it... I'm sort of like the family secretary. I have my husband's email account loaded in my mail program, and I have been known to write "official" emails on his behalf, with "Regards, Erwin Schrodinger" at the end.

But never without him virtually dictating those letters, with me just making it sound more official-like. I basically type 10x faster than him, I can type as fast as I can think and faster than he can talk. Also, I'm all lernded in skool so's I right gud inglish.

But I would never presume to know how he thinks :P Oh sure, he's as predictable as the next guy... except when he isn't ;)

Magdlyn 11-18-2011 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat (Post 111471)
"Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf"


So now I have to start buying different loaves of bread? And I can't sip his coffee? wth?

Hehe, it's a metaphor, silly girl. Pretty good one.

Polywaw 03-07-2012 07:55 PM

Not to necro a topic that's been dead for a few months, but I felt like I should probably post here as the most active user of a shared account.

We're a him and her, and the Him (me) is far more active here, although she browses, reads, and posts as well. We're a shared enough relationship that this doesn't bother us, and if I'm willing to state her opinion on something, or her experience, I ask her about it to be fully clear.

Sharing a computer is one reason, no point in constantly logging in and out between the two. Especially when she's primarily browsing.

Although, reading this makes me feel I should clear it up in a siggy as to who is typically active and who isn't. We decided to share in the event that someone wanted to contact either of us.

Hope you all aren't creeped out.

redpepper 03-08-2012 09:22 PM

Totally creeped out! Who said that?! ;) heh, just kidding :D *tease


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