Firstly, hello world. I'm fairly new to talking openly about these things, so this feels a bit odd, but I'm going to try it. Largely I'm writing this as an outlet, since putting these things into a coherent form helps process them, but any additional advice from those who've dealt with similar feelings before would be helpful.
A bit of background. I'm currently in an open relationship, my partner (C) and I have been seeing one another for a few years now, we live together (although we maintain separate bedrooms for convenience). This arrangement suits us both, and we're generally happy with the way things work. C has another partner who she sees once or twice a week (S). I am seeing only C.
I'm happy in the relationship I have with C and am committed to polyamory, but have ongoing problems with jealousy. In previous situations it's been rooted in legitimate concerns about her relationships, but with S that's not the case. I've been trying to work out why it is I feel this way and have reached some conclusions, but am ultimately unsure what to actually do about it.
I think much of my sense of jealousy comes from my own lack of experience. Essentially, aside from C, I have only ever had one other partner and that relationship was shortlived. It feels increasingly as though my relationship with C is unbalanced. Where I've been otherwise alone, confused and uncertain, C has had a string of other relationships and encounters, developed as a person from them and become increasingly confident about her polyamorous lifestyle. I've tried to be happy that she's happy, which I know should be the response, but I merely feel left out, ever more alone and increasingly irrelevant. I suspect that I simply can't empathise with the causes of her happiness because it's not something I've ever really experienced outside of our relationship, and that just leaves me feeling smaller. Aside from all the other, ultimately irrational, insecurities I increasingly struggle to understand why she would continue in a relationship with someone who can't share in her sense of happiness.
I can't see any realistic solution to this. I know I need to find a way to empathise with her in these situations, but the only way I can see to manage that is to experience more of these situations for myself. The problem is that much though I may want to form other relationships I seem to be completely incompetent at doing so, even when the opportunity (rarely) directly presents itself.
So.. advice? Is there another way to deal with these feelings other than to just put up with them? Alternatively, is there a magical foolproof guide somewhere to meeting new partnerfolk?
A bit of background. I'm currently in an open relationship, my partner (C) and I have been seeing one another for a few years now, we live together (although we maintain separate bedrooms for convenience). This arrangement suits us both, and we're generally happy with the way things work. C has another partner who she sees once or twice a week (S). I am seeing only C.
I'm happy in the relationship I have with C and am committed to polyamory, but have ongoing problems with jealousy. In previous situations it's been rooted in legitimate concerns about her relationships, but with S that's not the case. I've been trying to work out why it is I feel this way and have reached some conclusions, but am ultimately unsure what to actually do about it.
I think much of my sense of jealousy comes from my own lack of experience. Essentially, aside from C, I have only ever had one other partner and that relationship was shortlived. It feels increasingly as though my relationship with C is unbalanced. Where I've been otherwise alone, confused and uncertain, C has had a string of other relationships and encounters, developed as a person from them and become increasingly confident about her polyamorous lifestyle. I've tried to be happy that she's happy, which I know should be the response, but I merely feel left out, ever more alone and increasingly irrelevant. I suspect that I simply can't empathise with the causes of her happiness because it's not something I've ever really experienced outside of our relationship, and that just leaves me feeling smaller. Aside from all the other, ultimately irrational, insecurities I increasingly struggle to understand why she would continue in a relationship with someone who can't share in her sense of happiness.
I can't see any realistic solution to this. I know I need to find a way to empathise with her in these situations, but the only way I can see to manage that is to experience more of these situations for myself. The problem is that much though I may want to form other relationships I seem to be completely incompetent at doing so, even when the opportunity (rarely) directly presents itself.
So.. advice? Is there another way to deal with these feelings other than to just put up with them? Alternatively, is there a magical foolproof guide somewhere to meeting new partnerfolk?