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-   -   The Notebook of JaneQSmythe (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26494)

JaneQSmythe 06-03-2017 01:08 AM

Here, but silent...
I haven't been posting for the last week or so because my laptop crapped out (probably as a result of the Rum-and-Coke I fed it a few weeks ago! :p) I have been reading and REALLY wanted to reply on numerous occasions but my computer has been "read only".

Dude replaced my keyboard yesterday so I am back!

No updates poly-wise but stuff on the Old House is actually happening! Landscapers came and tore out all the old shit and mulched and planted. Contractor friend gave us a bid on replacing the tub and shower. Dude bought the rough lumbar for the stairs (with some left over for the Forever House projects).

In other news, MrS decided to go back on meds for his anxiety and is now sleeping. Thank. Fuck. With MrS more happy I have got my libido back and Dude and I have had more sex in the past week than in the previous MONTHS. (It is hard for me to be sexual with someone else when I am stressed...masturbation is unaffected, go figure...)

JaneQSmythe 06-03-2017 01:18 AM

Oh, the "date"...
The "date" was...meh. We met, we ate (which was the best part! - awesome restaurant...took SLeW there a few weeks later), we went back to her place, we had a sex session, which was pleasant but not...inspirational?

No regrets, but no need to repeat. So we..."ghosted" on each other?:rolleyes:

I don't think I am suited to "dating"...TOO. MUCH. DAMN. EFFORT. when I have a few people in my life that I KNOW I like to spend time with...why bother for probable mediocre sex?

JaneQSmythe 07-02-2017 03:27 AM


Originally Posted by GirlFromTexlahoma (Post 361813)
...So I tried to maneuver things such that he was still getting stimulated but I wasn't. Because I'm ok with him thinking that's sexy, and getting off on it, but it's just an instant off switch for me, and I don't want to be touched sexually when I'm off.

He got weird, kept asking what was up, so I explained as gently as I could - hey, that's just not sexy for me, I'll be up for more if/when you're done with that dirty talk. He got upset, we both ended up in tears...

Had a similar experience with Dude recently...hard for him to understand a different perspective, hard for me to be gentle when I am OFF.


More later...

JaneQSmythe 04-23-2018 02:46 AM

Hmmm... I noticed that my sig was out of date and when I went to update it I realized that I hadn't posted an update in quite a while.

Yet again, life keeps on chugging along and before you know it ... time has passed.

Family stuff last August and we had to put my dog down.:(

MrS did his research and found us a new rescue. She is soo sweet and mellow. Like, after all the shitty stuff that happened to her she's like - "Bed. Food. Pettings. Life is glorious - no need to get worked up over stuff - chill out, it's all OK." She and SLeW's new rescue are the best of friends (she is HUGE and he is tiny - watching them play is fabulously amusing :p)

Only problem is that she thinks that cat=snack:confused:. The cat is too old to train another dog so I moved my computer into the spare room and he is now my "home office cat"

So the flurry of work on the old house that I was talking about last year? Petered out and got put aside for other things. Again. So? I went ahead and hired the contractor I had give me an estimate last year. 1/2 the money is paid and he starts a week from Monday.

Dude and I had a huge blow-out in the fall and then another one in December that just about wrecked us. Somewhere in there MrS went off his meds and we had our own blow-out. Things are calmer now and I have learned that I need to just speak up before things become untenable - I hate confrontation but intermittent explosions don't bode well for anyone.

Once the old house is sold I plan on doing some renovations on the ForeverHome so that we each have our own space and don't have to be all three on top of each other all the time (or at least all the time I am home). Actually, moving my computer to the "cat room" is a good trial run. MrS or Dude will periodically come in and invite me out to "people" with them or watch a movie - so our time together is more intentional as opposed to incidental.

On the poly front - not a lot to report. Dude has been to a couple of Regional Burner Events and slept with a few festival girl-friends. As long as they use condoms and Dude doesn't overshare I don't have too much trouble with this.

SLeW is seeing a new guy - she has been friends with this one for a while but only recently have they officially started dating. MrClean has himself smitten over his newest flame so his relationships with SLeW and I are purely "flirty platonic".

Work is...better. Still hard, but not as gruelling as the year before. I am not feeling as burned out and overwhelmed. Partly due to better staffing but also, as my anxiety has improved (meds and therapy) I am able to prioritize my responsibilities better and tell my OCD tendencies that some tasks are not worthy of the time it takes to achieve perfection.:cool:

So - all is well!

Off to do my research on LTCI (Long Term Care Insurance) which is the next part of my FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) plan - 'cause poly is exciting right?;)

JaneQSmythe 04-29-2018 02:06 AM

Response to another thread got too long - moved it here.


Originally Posted by Noyse (Post 390775)
Has anyone else maintained different relationship styles with different people at the same time? How'd it go?

Ideally, I think that being open to each relationship taking the shape that fits it best is going to work smoother in the long term.

I am an introvert and a homebody. I also don't make a big deal about defining exactly what my relationship is with people. I keep few enough people in my "inner circle" that each relationship is uniquely defined. Whether they are my friend, lover, partner, family member or some other blend.

Some people prefer to know "what we are to each other" so they can manage their expectations - I prefer to not have expectations that aren't based on personal history/interactions. Some people are discomfited by that. Honestly? They get over that or our "relationship" falls by the wayside (generally at the "friendship" level - before we would ever get further than that).

Example, my friend Angel, several years into our "best friendship" she told me that she had been making an "exception" for me. She usually drops people who don't send her holiday cards or remember her birthday (these relate to her "love languages"). Those are things that I am absolutely terrible at.:rolleyes: Apparently, at one point, she got mad and didn't contact me, she was waiting for me to notice and ask her what was wrong. I didn't. Per her story she contacted me at some point and we picked up where we had left off. (Which is how I generally operate - if you want to tell me something, then I will listen, if you don't volunteer, I won't ask.)

To be honest, I never noticed. At some point I may have said to myself, "Hmmm, I haven't heard from Angel in a while...well, she will call me if she needs me." Clearly, I must have other qualities that people appreciate - You need a shoulder to cry on? Check. You need a night out and are short on funds? Check. You need a couch to crash on and food in your tummy? Check. Remembering your birthday? Not so much.:eek:

SLeW and I have a meme along the lines of - "You have different friends for different reasons. I am not the friend you need for THAT!" She is mono, if she needs sympathy because her "flame of the moment" appreciated the shape of another woman's bottom - NOT IT! Needs advise on hair care products - NOT IT! Have an STI or pregnancy scare and needs to talk out options - THAT is totally me!

So, to close the loop on the OP's question above - it depends. My partners and I live together - if someone wants to be "kitchen table" and everyone gets along then great. If not, then they can use their own kitchen table and "parallel" with folks that aren't comfy there. Just sayin'...

JaneQSmythe 06-27-2018 03:46 AM

Not particularly poly related but ... I am finally getting close to getting rid of Old House (which has been an albatross around my neck and a major source of conflict between me and Dude) after 7 long years. I hired a contractor to finish the renovations, found a Real Estate Agent to do "all the things" and have, as of 2 hours ago, accepted a very reasonable counter-counter-offer.

Cannot wait for the day I only own ForeverHome!

Atlantis 06-27-2018 03:52 AM

That's good news. It has been something you have wanted to do for a while. Check the box!

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