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-   -   Glossary and Definitions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1720)

cApNhOwDy 12-07-2009 05:34 PM

Need help with a definition
Is there a formal definition for an "open" relationship where there is a bisexual woman and a heterosexual man who are romantically involved, and the bisexual woman is allowed to date other women, but not allowed to date other men?


Originally Posted by Ceoli (Post 15390)

Also, what [capnhowdy] is describing where the woman can date other women but not other men is commonly referred to as a "one penis policy" among poly communities. It's often the source ofmuch debate

Sweetheart 12-07-2009 11:41 PM

In a committed partnership or marriage where one partner is straight and the other is gay or bi, the term "mixed orientation marriage" or partnership is used.

The best known form of mixed orientation marriage is where the woman is straight and the man is gay or bi, and there are many support groups for this situation (google it or check wikipedia). Arrangements where the man is straight and the woman is bi/gay are considered rare, but this is only because those arrangements are not reported as often. Draw your own conclusions on that point.

Mixed orientation marriages often end in divorce, unless a mutually beneficial solution is found. Polyamory is often cited by psychiatrists and marriage counselors as a healthy way to solve the problem.

Hope that helps.

Ceoli 12-08-2009 01:05 AM


Originally Posted by Sweetheart (Post 14723)
Mixed orientation marriages often end in divorce, unless a mutually beneficial solution is found. Polyamory is often cited by psychiatrists and marriage counselors as a healthy way to solve the problem.

I'm curious about where that assessment comes from. Can you point me to the source?


Originally Posted by Sweetheart (Post 15391)
Hi Ceoli.

We were contacted by researchers who wanted to study us because I am a straight male and my partner is a bi/gay female. According to them, it was difficult for them to find such arrangements that hadn't dissolved. We answered a survey, but declined the support groups. We were asked if we had tried "alternative arrangements", and polyamory was mentioned, as was open marriage. We informed them that we had already found a satisfactory solution on our own, but we thanked them for their interest.

I recommend Wikipedia: mixed orientation marriages as a good starting point if you're interested in the research. That website can answer your questions better than I can. Also, just try doing a search for the term "mixed orientation marriage" and see what comes up.

Now, speaking as a longtime member of the poly community, I know that straight men with bi women is not an unusual arrangement at all. However, these researchers couldn't seem to find very many for their research. Maybe they were just not looking in the right places! :rolleyes:

vampiresscammy 12-10-2009 03:03 PM

polycurious - one interested in polyamory, but not quite ready to engage in the practices yet

bicurious - interested in both sexes, not practicing actual sex yet, or just having sex with one just men or just women, not both yet

biemotional - (as i've been led to beleive) is when one woman romantically loves another woman, but no touchy feely is going on

Domme - female Dominant

vanilla sex - sex without bdsm

ssc - abbreviation for safe, sane and consensual which means that everything is based on safe, sane and consenting behavior of all involved parties. This mutual consent makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and crimes such as sexual assault or domestic violence.

safeword - is a codeword or series of codewords that are sometimes used in BDSM for a submissive (or "bottom") to unambiguously communicate their physical or emotional state to a dominant (or "top"), typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary. Some safewords are used to stop the scene outright, while others can communicate a willingness to continue, but at a reduced level of intensity.

subspace aka headspace aka flying aka floating - is a metaphor for the state the bottom's mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer bottoms who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure the bottom isn't placing him or her self in danger. Many bottoms require aftercare while returning from subspace

playing - Many BDSM practitioners regard the practice of BDSM in their sex life as sexual roleplaying and therefore speak of "Play" and "Playing". The execution of such play is termed a "Session", and the contents and the circumstances of the play are often referred to as a "Scene"

TPE - abbreviation for Total power exchange

collar - (in BDSM terms) is a device of any material placed around the neck of the submissive partner. It is also a term used to show ownership of one partner by another. A person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal "collaring ceremonies," which are regarded as effectively solemnizing their relationship in a similar way as a marriage ceremony.

CielDuMatin 12-29-2009 04:39 PM

Some really good, and useful definitions here. Thanks to everyone who worked to put this together. Gives us at least a good starting point for discussions.

StitchwitchD 01-08-2010 05:18 AM

Polyflexible: someone who can be mono or poly depending on the availability of partners, the preference of the primary partner, or whatever other factors favor one relationship choice over another.

LovingRadiance 05-09-2010 07:11 PM

Just for your entertainment-some definitions :)
Dominance and submission - description used in reference to a relationship or scene that is strictly one of power exchange, no sadomasochistic acts are involved.

Dominant - a person who possesses a dominating persona and enjoying taking control. Dominants may or may not have sadistic tendencies. Also known as a 'Top'.

Domination - the erotic control consensually imposed on a submissive. This can be via physical and/or verbal means.

Erotic Power Exchange - another term for SM but is a little more 'vanilla' and socially acceptable.

Limits - a set of personal guidlines and boundaries an individual has in regards to type of play and/or BDsM activities he or she does not wish to experience or partake in. These include anything that can cause mental, physical, or emmotional distress to the individual. Some people have two different sets of limits; soft limits,that are limits that are scary for the person to imagine but are not totally out of the realm of possiblity and Hard Limits, those are things that the person does not ever wish to experience or explore.

Masochist - used to describe a person that enjoys receiving erotic pain. A masochist may or may not have submissive qualities.

Negotiate - conversation held for the purpose of outlining the details of a scene or D/s relationship. It is necessary that all parties agree on the specifics of the scene or relationship before any play or service occurs.

Power exchange - the consensual giving up of control by the bottom and accepting of control by the Top during an SM scene or relationship. Used as a synonym for SM.

Property - a person who is in a contracted relationship with a Dominant that relates to the submissive in an Ownership manner. A submissive who is considered property must get permission from their owner before any interaction takes place with another Dominant.

Sadist - a person who specifically enjoys administering pain. A Sadist is not necessarily dominant, nor is a Dominant necessarily sadistic.

Sadomasochism - a term used to describe erotic activities that involve dominance, submission, or the giving and receiving of pain.

Slave - a submissive that lives it to a deeper level and is usually specialized in one or more areas (valet, maid, chef, companion).

SM, S & M - sadomasochism; erotic power exchange .

Submissive - a person who enjoys giving control over to a Dominant and derives pleasure from serving the needs of that Dominant.

Total Power Exchange - a relationship in which the Dominant is in total control over the submissive and dictates all activities.

Verbal humiliation - a scene that involves degrading a submissive using insults and name-calling. These types of scenes must be negotiated beforehand to assure no emotional limits are crossed.

OK that's all of the entertainment for today. :)
Seriously though-I feel like CRAP today. My ears are all plugged up and everything sounds weird-so copy/pasting is better than trying to have a conversation in the real world!
Hope you are all having a good day.

Happy Mothers Day RP! I hope you have a GREAT day today with the boy!!!xoxox

redpepper 05-10-2010 08:01 AM

oh dear, I don't agree entirely with the definitions above... *sigh* I'm too tired at the moment to object... basically D/s does involve aspects of masochism...and masochism is not always sexual although it does conjure up sexual pleasure for the one preforming the act on a sub.

LovingRadiance 05-10-2010 06:20 PM

Obviously things got moved around again.



I do understand what you are saying-but the thing is that if you research D/s, it doesn't ALWAYS include aspects of s&m. Nor does it always include aspects of sex.

It would make MORE sense if we are going to have the list HERE if I change the list and put the WHOLE definitions list there... but I dont' think it will fit in one post... :rolleyes:

NeonKaos 05-10-2010 07:19 PM

I copied the list of definitions here. It's still in the other thread too. You can add to it or edit it as much as the system allows.

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