Not sure if this is the place or not.....

wokeupconfused

New member
So, my lady's 16 year old son was just diagnosed with a lymphoma cancer. She is falling apart, I am not sure if I can help her, since I just watched my mom die of lymphoma this last spring. It seems every time I try and be supportive, I make her cry.

She believes counseling is a waste of time.

HOW can anyone believe that a god is all loving and kind, then put cancer in a 16 year old boy... Let alone adults.... This all just confirms my thoughts on Christianity and organized religion as a whole...

I guess I needed a place to just say something. This was the place I came to, first. I want to scream curses at any and all entities that may be involved. I want to know WHY! I want to know what that young man did to deserve this???? I want answers to why I have had to watch not only my mom die of this horrible disease this last spring, but my dad waste away in front of my eyes almost 20 years ago. And now, I have to watch this young man fight for his very life, before he even gets to go to a Prom. I know life is not fair.. but hell, this kid has not even experienced life yet!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:
 
HUG.

Sigh. :(

There's sometimes just not enough words. There's always enough Heart -- give your people (and yourself) the Heart they might need at this challenging time.

Will send good thoughts/prayers your way. My deepest condolances.

Namaste,
GalaGirl
 
Hi,

My condolences to you on your losses and this boy's battle. My sister died after a 5-year battle with cancer. She was only 19. Your feelings are entirely normal.

There's not much great advice as everyone needs to deal with these things at their own pace and in their own way. But I'll try to give a few things.

1) as far as taking care of yourself, just remember that if you have any feelings of guilt over their loss that the only person that is hurting is yourself. it won't bring them back. if you have anger at god, the universe, etc. that will eventually spill over to the people in your life. so while it's understandable to feel that an implicit promise of religion, that the good will be treated well, has been broken, the anger is not a solution to your grief.

2) in taking care of others, often the best thing you can do is to just listen, hold their hand, and be there to hug them when they need it. there are no words that make it better for them. you can only re-affirm your love and care for them which will eventually carry them through.

best of luck to you. and I hope he defies the odds.
IO
 
Yes, I am angry. I can not seem to work that anger out of me, no matter how hard I work at it. I am angry to have to watch people I love, waste away to nothing, be in excruciating pain, and finally die a horrible death, that no one should have to bear witness to, or endure.

I am angry that some diety/entity/whatever the hell you want to call it, seems to enjoy watching people suffer. I am angry that due to profits for research facilities, the FDA is bribed into keeping alternative methods of curing cancer out of our country.

There is a reason there is no cure for cancer.. it is the billions of dollars that are made researching for the cure... :mad:

As for me helping others... I love her with all my heart. I will make sure she is taken care of, and will help with anything and everything I can. She will know I am the rock she can lean on, if it kills me.

Thanks for letting me vent...
 
Do you feel like your faith is being tested? You bring that up twice already.

I do not know your spiritual/religious beliefs/denominaton might be or where your faith development stage process is at. I do not want to intrude or assume at a fragile time in your life.

But I wanted to share that I do know the rage of that. I experienced that rage at the death of my grandfather. "Furious God would allow such a thing..." and well. All that stuff. It's powerful stuff to feel.

It marked the change from stage 3 to stage 4 for me in my faith development on the Fowler chart. (and I did not know what that even meant until much later! I would have felt SO much better at the time had someone gave me that chart -- so in case it could help, I give you the link. Maybe it doesn't help at all! )

But yes. BTDT. Both with crisis of faith and then enduring serious dx in loved ones and having to bear it. :(

Keep hanging in there. Shine on even though your inner light is dim or wobbly right now.

I do still see you. I cannot relieve you of your suffering but I can take on a bit of that burden -- to read and respond and thus let you know you do not suffer alone and unseen and unheard.

I see you.
I see you.
I see you.

*hug*

Namaste,
GG
 
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I was raised in the Christian church, sent to Christian schools, etc...

I have, however, gone from there, to not believing in ANY organized religion, to not believing in Christianity, or a Christian god. I have always leaned more towards the Native American belief system. Not any one in particular, more of a hodge podge.

So, to answer you, no I do not feel my faith is being tested. I am not sure you could say I have a specific enough faith to be tested.

I will take a look at you link (thank you very much, I appreciate it), and see if it applies at all.

Yes, I feel like my light is very dim right now. Not shining through the thick fog at all. It has just been a very rough year and a half, and I would really like it to start swinging towards my favor for a change.

I had to call and file a complaint yesterday in response to how my lady was treated by a company. I had to call back and apologize, for how I sounded. I just went a bit to far. :(

Thank you so much for hearing me.... it is so hard to have family, but even though they listen to what you are saying, they do not hear. :(
 
Some days, its a minute or less at a time, not even able to manage one day at a time.

I am sorry for your loss and the ongoing traumatic pain and suffering.

There's so little to say, but I too am watching your thread, listening to your pain and hearing your anguish.
You aren't completely alone even if we remain unseen.
 
Ah. Your faith IS being tested then. Your spiritual health bucket is taking hit points. Your spirit is low, your faith is struggling, you are in a Dark Time.

I am not talking about your Path -- whatever one it is you have chosen for yourself. Sounds like you grew up in one path (Christian of some type) and you incline toward Native American as an adult person -- perhaps some other Pantheist types too. That is fine. Again, I'm not talking about your Path that resonates with you.

I'm not talking about denomination. I'm not talking about organized religion community worship things like Catholic mass. Not informal community worship things like pagan ritual. Not community worship like in a church or temple -- community worship is only ONE possible expression of one's spiritual practice activities.

I am talking about your Journey along Faith Development across your lifespan. And the tending of your spiritual health bucket. Your spiritual well being and your faith. How YOU tend to it.

I do not know what your normal spiritual practices are. Do some fall under "body practice" like yoga? Tai chi? Do some fall under "mind practice" like journal writing or meditation? Justice practices -- like volunteering in a soup kitchen? Soul practices like creating things -- model planes? Paintings?

What are the things you DO to feed your soul? The things that bring you that joie de vivre feeling? Where you spirit soars and your soul SINGS and you love the feeling of being really, really ALIVE!

You are experiencing a life challenge and need to draw on this bucket, but the spiritual health bucket is turning up low. So... You sound like you need some spirit health bucket stuff to top up to me. You probably do not want anything a high "volume" or too complicated either.

  • We have mental health.
  • We have emotional health.
  • We have physical health.
  • We have spiritual health.

Just as there are body bucket development charts for a new baby to learn to sit up, crawl walk? There are emotional development charts. When new baby can only cry or not cry. Baby has needs met. Baby does not have needs met. Baby has to learn a lot about emotional expression!

Then the mental development charts -- a baby cannot understand object permanence for instant. That is why "peek a boo!" is so exciting to children that age. They really do think you disappear somewhere and come back. They do not yet understand that even when hidden, the thing or person is STILL HERE. Just under the blanket. :)

So there is the development chart for the spiritual health and development bucket too. If you do not like James Fowler one, you can try Scotty McClennan. There are other charts -- find one that makes sense to you so you can get your bearings and see if anything there speaks to you and give hints to what you may be able to do for your bucket.

If you find your general faith being tested, it could be a time for growth and changes in that spirit bucket. Growing pains will be had. Expect some of that, and knowing that, perhaps this Dark Time will be a tiny bit easier to bear?

Pain is pain, but sometimes it helps to organize it so you can bear it and be able to ENDURE.

If you can separate out some of the UGH you feel and be able to file it under "Oh. This part is bucket growing pain -- annoying but safe to ignore" then perhaps that helps lessen the burden of the "terrible dx" pain. And the "Cannot help my lady" pain. Try to Name it, and then try divide it up so you can ultimately conquer a small portion, the doable bits first. Day by day. Or minute by minute.

It does not sound like a burden you can carry all in one go. YKWIM? So just let it sit there a while -- this grief burden thing.

Be with it. Don't change much about it. Just do what you do to get grounded first so you get some room to breathe. It's ok to be between a rock and a hard place if you have some room to breathe. So do just enough to get some breathing room and then do nothing. Sit. Think. Sit some more. You will know when you are ready to make another change.

*hug*

If you find comfort in the Native American path -- perhaps this is the time to turn to some of the sacred texts of that tradition, or music, or art or whatever -- to help aid you in facing this life challenge. The balm to soothe your soul.

Go with what resonates and speaks to you and helps you refill that spiritual health bucket that's feeling a bit tired right now. Faith is not a button one turns on and turns off. It is not a rock that you keep in your pocket -- you have faith, you do not have faith. Faith is a muscle you exercise like any of the other bucket health things -- It gets stronger when used.

So you are coping as best you can. Carry on. You will feel all kinds of things. Be open to feeling it and just... let it blow on through.

No. It will not erase the suffering to decide to suffer WELL.

But perhaps it can make the weary load a bit easier to bear until the Light returns. And it WILL return.

Having faith? That's believing your inner light will shine bright, shine dim, shine wobbly, shine upside down. But dang it! It is YOUR light and if it wants to shine in purple or in invisible octopus color today -- it's damn well shining on and on and on! Because you say so. Because you have faith. Punch out anyone trying to blow it out and even if it does? You have a box of matches to rekindle. You have friends with a light to spot you a light if need be. Not into candles? You can get a flashlight. A torch. Tiffany lamp! Because you have faith.

Maybe not entirely sure what to do with it, how to work it, or how to tend it or how to refill. But you do have a spiritual health bucket! Everyone just comes with one! It's ready to hold the faith.

Me? I know where I go -- border country. Where land meets air (mountains) or where air meets water (in the ocean on a ship) or where land meets water (shore lines.) Laying eyes on border country soothes my soul for some reason. So does laying down on bare earth. Doesn't get more grounded than that!

I don't know if those ramblings provide any comfort. I know it's ramblings. :(

Sometimes the ministry of presence is just to choose to dwell in another's pain for a moment. Not because you can really do a whole lot. But so that they don't have to be enduring alone.

Hang in there. You are not alone.

hugs,
GalaGirl
 
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What makes my soul soar? I would most likely be told how terrible I am for the things I do, that get my spirit in tune..

I like you go to the borderlands... the mountains soothe me, relax me..

Sometimes it can be as simple as sitting on a stump, listening to the breeze moving through the grass and leaves of the aspen trees... or it can be as complicated as listening t the elk bugling as they go through their fall mating ritual.

To really get my bucket refilled, it takes time, sitting on a river fishing, going hunting, and watching the wildlife interact as I creep through the woods looking for the deer that will become the venison on my plate.
(yes, I am very respectful of my quarry! And yes, I thank the spirits for their sacrifice to feed me!) That to me is just as religious as someone sitting in a church and listening to some man preach at them on how they are supposed to believe.

I also do photography. I photograph wildlife, and nature. I also dabble a small amount in artistic nudes, and bodyscape photography. I also create the ammunition that I shoot from my firearms. I can spend hours, reloading, whistling, remembering times spent doing the same thing with my dad.

So yes, I do creative things. I, also, do simple hidden things to help people as well.. I am not an attention seeker for what I do, so do not do things publicly.

To be honest, I have no clue where I am spiritually anymore.. I have taken so many hits over the last year and a half, I am just not sure anymore... I do need to pay attention to that, and take care of myself in that respect. In fact, I have started in the last week, as it is fall and hunting season is open. I went out opening morning, and had my annual talk with my dad, about the prospects of deer hunting without him again, since he passed, there have been almost 20 of these conversations. Always ending with me in tears, but knowing he is beside me watching, listening, waiting with me.

I feel like I am rambling here... sigh. I feel a flood gate opening, if I allow it... not sure I can face that flood, just yet.

Thank you again, for hearing me.. both you and LovingRadiance...
 
Sounds like sane rambling all around.
Go to the woods!!
There will be amome t in this battle, where you can do that.
If it can be managed, take the boy too.
His buckets are surely low as well.

Dh and I go to the woods. The fishing soothes his soul and same for both the kids. Me, I just wander. The trees soothe me.

Go-its just as important as dr visits.
 
Alright. Sounds like you know some of what feeds your soul then and what those soul practices are. See? That's something! Some folks do not know.

Is there a way to arrange time to do these things then so you can commune and do what you gotta do to refill that soul bucket and do some faith tending there?

Is any of those things, things you can share with the young man in question? Your lady? Photography? Perhaps photos of the things you love? Your hunting and animals and so on? I don't know if it could help but there's a book for caregivers called "Creating Moments of Joy." I told my GMIL I was pregnant a zillion times. She always forgot because of her alzheimer. So I'd just tell her again and she'd beam like it was christmas morning or something. My dad faces mental illness now so... even though not the same thing exactly perhaps checking that out of the library could help you create moments of joy for self or your people? I'm sure their spiritual healths could use some uplift. I don't know if there's resources books like that created for lymphoma.

I've done 5Ks for patients before -- I don't know if that's a doable in your world and if that would create a moment.

Crying is ok -- it's just another expression of emotion. So if you sense a floodgate thing in there somewhere and aren't yet ready to open it -- maybe create the time/space to approach that so you can open it on purpose and let it flow on through? I like doing that when it's time for release. I know I have to steam valve or else I risk popping at inappropriate times Bottling up is not option. But waiting to get to the right time/place of my choosing -- that helps me to bear it til I get there. Then I get there and just let it rip!

My! DH is so used to me there he doesn't bother with dainty things like kleenex. I've sobbed all over the man -- he calmly just gives me the shirt off his back sometimes because it's a much bigger hankie. Well, after nearly 20 years of living there's been those moments shared -- births, deaths, illness, what have you. I am glad you continue your relationship with you Dad in mind, heart and soul even if he's not long with you in body. I have a few of those myself.

I'm going to bed and I'll sleep on it and see if anything pops up.

Did you need stories? That's another spiritual practice too -- the spirit buddy thing and exchange of experiences in similar vein to aid someone else facing the thing NOW.

Is there something you want to know about in particular?

I know I'm fishing in dark waters there a bit because I don't know you very well. But I figure if it helps, it helps. If it doesn't, well... it's still something?

Glad to know it helps you somewhat. Thank you for the feedback. And you are welcome -- this business of being so very Human is sometimes a very bewildering Experience.

hugs,
GG
 
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This is an organization I have recently started following on Facebook. I like the attitude, and the will to say how you feel about this disease.

It does seem to help with some of the anger I have about this issue.
 
Awesome!

Yes. He may have cancer. Cancer does NOT have to have him.

I know that attitude with my own chronic patient crap. It's a lot different from acute illness -- the being a chronic patient thing. There's not cure, there's only management.

Tapping some of the dx anger and reframing it for the forces of good, something constructive -- that's a plus.

WTG!

GG
 
Alright. Sounds like you know some of what feeds your soul then and what those soul practices are. See? That's something! Some folks do not know.

Is there a way to arrange time to do these things then so you can commune and do what you gotta do to refill that soul bucket and do some faith tending there?

Is any of those things, things you can share with the young man in question? Your lady? Photography? Perhaps photos of the things you love? Your hunting and animals and so on? I don't know if it could help but there's a book for caregivers called "Creating Moments of Joy." I told my GMIL I was pregnant a zillion times. She always forgot because of her alzheimer. So I'd just tell her again and she'd beam like it was christmas morning or something. My dad faces mental illness now so... even though not the same thing exactly perhaps checking that out of the library could help you create moments of joy for self or your people? I'm sure their spiritual healths could use some uplift. I don't know if there's resources books like that created for lymphoma.

I've done 5Ks for patients before -- I don't know if that's a doable in your world and if that would create a moment.

Crying is ok -- it's just another expression of emotion. So if you sense a floodgate thing in there somewhere and aren't yet ready to open it -- maybe create the time/space to approach that so you can open it on purpose and let it flow on through? I like doing that when it's time for release. I know I have to steam valve or else I risk popping at inappropriate times Bottling up is not option. But waiting to get to the right time/place of my choosing -- that helps me to bear it til I get there. Then I get there and just let it rip!

My! DH is so used to me there he doesn't bother with dainty things like kleenex. I've sobbed all over the man -- he calmly just gives me the shirt off his back sometimes because it's a much bigger hankie. Well, after nearly 20 years of living there's been those moments shared -- births, deaths, illness, what have you. I am glad you continue your relationship with you Dad in mind, heart and soul even if he's not long with you in body. I have a few of those myself.

I'm going to bed and I'll sleep on it and see if anything pops up.

Did you need stories? That's another spiritual practice too -- the spirit buddy thing and exchange of experiences in similar vein to aid someone else facing the thing NOW.

Is there something you want to know about in particular?

I know I'm fishing in dark waters there a bit because I don't know you very well. But I figure if it helps, it helps. If it doesn't, well... it's still something?

Glad to know it helps you somewhat. Thank you for the feedback. And you are welcome -- this business of being so very Human is sometimes a very bewildering Experience.

hugs,
GG


I am making time for myself as I can... I spent yesterday morning in the woods, hiking, etc...

You would think I would know how to handle death and medical issues, after all my mom was a nurse for 25 years, my brother and his wife are Critical care RNs, one sister is a Hospice Nurse, another sister is a retired cardiac nurse. Somehow all the information missed me on how to deal with this "stuff".

As for crying... I do that, privately. I still feel like I have to be the strong rock for everyone to lean on. So they feel safe and secure in the world. It has been my role since my Dad passed away, not sure how to change that. Sometimes being the oldest boy, sucks big time. :confused:

I will try to find something to do to for them... The boy has no interest in anything I do for relaxation.. video games and punk rock music seem to be his only interests...

I do have some very nice "photos" that I would love to print, and give to my lady (lets call her "R"). She is an artist and loves my photography.

She wants me to be able to show off my work, but I do not have a place to show off some of it, as it is the artistic nude work, or bodyscapes and to many "normal" people look at it as porn.... :mad::(

Thank you again, and I would love to hear some things you have discovered to help deal with issues...
 
Thank you again, and I would love to hear some things you have discovered to help deal with issues...

You do for your people in what THEY like to do. In YOUR style. So if the kid likes punk rock music and video games and you like photography, make pictures of the things that HE likes then.

For yourself -- check universities, coffee houses, adult stores -- places where fine art nudes would be more welcome. I do not know where you live but you know you could just throw your images in low res to display on the Internet. Shine your light wherever it is you like.

I find that every family culture is different. For instance my DH's family does NOT really talk about these things. I have witnessed a few passings over the years and there's a lot of... internalizing that I do not think is healthy or needed.

Where my fam? It's like a hobby. Illness and death come along like donuts and coffee. And my mom has the Death Drill. Every time I go over there the gives me the tour -- "here is my jewelry, here is my folder of papers, here are the account numbers, THIS is my preference for funeral home..."

We roll our eyes and do the Dead Drill to satisfy her.

I tease her that she forgot to lay 2 Kleenex in between the pages of the Dead Folder so when my sis and I have to deal with it we do not have to fight over tissue. Mom laughed and punched my arm.

DH teased her that she ought to have polaroids of her flowers. She stopped to think about it and said "What a great idea!" and we laughed and rolled our eyes and full expect a new addition to the folder to include pix of funeral flower arrangements!

Even as we yank her chain we appreciate her effort to plan and make the transition as easy on US as possible -- life without mom. We have to get our own shit in order. One of the greatest gifts you can leave your people is to NOT to have to suffer too much confusion at that particular Life Change. The passage into death and sending a loved one off. It's not like you do it all the time unless you are in the business like a funeral home director. Most people only do the big stuff a few times first hand -- births, weddings, deaths. That's why the milestone markers are milestones.

My family culture also tends to the dead -- visiting resting places, bringing flowers, etc. In memorium on the birthdays of the departed, the funeral date, holiday, day of the dead, whatever. Just when the mood strikes. We're not THAT formal about it. DH inclines toward having a wake and he's breaking with his family culture in wishing to be cremated. I know I'm being cremated and I'm down with the wake thing.

Why not celebrate my exit just as my entrance to the ongoing party on Earth was celebrated?

When we could afford to, I made DH send his mom a check to order flowers for his grandmother's bday for her resting place. It's not part of his natural family culture. But he rolls with it and I know it comforts his mother. I think he just prefers some of how my family copes with things.

So if your family culture is not normally one that speaks of these things -- you could choose to change the culture! Someone has to be first.

His mom tends to look me up for Hard Conversation. Hard Conversation gets easier in time to do -- you just speak honestly from the heart. It's Hard to do still. But. It gets easier to do Hard.

I am first born and I bear the burden of being "the rock" too. But me? I will rage, shout, stomp, cry, invoke words of power and carry on. Totally spill all my marbles. Then I will pick them back up and STILL do the thing that needs doing. I've always done that. And this is what I wish to keep on modeling for my child, now that there IS a child watching me. Yes, life is truly horrible sometimes. Yes, life is truly wonderful sometimes. And our people? We keep on keepin' on. We do our duty. We do not shirk. We can do it in our own style, but hell. We damn well DO it!

You are expected to have moments of marble spillage. It happens. Such is life. The point? You get back up again. The strength is not in the never falling down. The strength is in the always popping back up again.

I tend to embrace Life in all its glory.

It's ridiculous, maddening, bizarre. It's infuriating, amazing, transcendent.

There are times in my life where I just have to have one of those wild hair moments. Push it out to the edge, go out to the border. I've had my adventures when I choose to go have them. DH always laughs at me -- because he's been along for most of the ride.

He knows I just burn. I burn with not a deathwish, but a huge lifewish. I want to live it large, live it in color, and live it passionately. I only get the one.

And for me to enjoy the Hang Times at the Forge where I just BURN with great pleasures of living? There must be a balance and I must Hang at the Forge where I just BURN with the angst of living. I want full spectrum Life Pendulum Swing.

That is the price of admission. And that is the price I gleefully will pay. I only get the one. Life is not a dress rehearsal.

One of my favorite quotes is

“This I choose to do. If there is a price, this I choose to pay. If it is my death, then I choose to die. Where this takes me, there I choose to go. I choose. This I choose to do.”

― Terry Pratchett, Wintersmith

One of my fav 'keeping on" kinda of songs? Tubthumping. Lyrics here.

Another one -- Bang a Gong. Lyrics here.

Sacred is wherever you find it. Religion is wherever you choose to receive it. You choose your things in your Life.

And yes. I take the drink and raise a toast -- to my people, living or dead.

I know they will do same for me when time comes. That in of itself is great comfort -- this business of being oh, so Very Human. You never are being Human alone.

In YOUR process? You've just begun your process. You may not be at the tub thumping gong banging place yet -- where you have marshalled together to get back to be makin' your noise to add your voice to chorus on this side of the deal. So what? Make your noise on that side in the way you need to make it!

That "making a joyful noise unto the Lord" business? Even if you do not subscribe to that belief system? There's something there. But as a science person -- I feel it has to have the match on the other side. "When you make a terrible noise unto the Lord." It MUST happen. For there to be balance.

But that's alright. I can bang a bit extra for you on this side til you are ready to rejoin if you like. Should we happen to cross in Life Pendulum swing and I'm heading for the Hang Time of the Ugh side and you are upswinging to the Hang Time of the Good I'll be glad to slip you the high five.

Swing on, brother. Swing on.

No. Not Easy to feel. Not not easy to endure. But a broken heart still keeps on beating all the same. Your volume may be low right now, but you aren't done banging. Not yet.

"Just when you'd think they were more malignant than ever Hell could be, they could occasionally show more grace than Heaven ever dreamed of. Often the same individual was involved. It was this freewill thing, of course. It was a bugger."

Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, "Good Omens"

Authentic living. It's powerful stuff.

I see you.
I see you.
I see you.

Namaste,
GG
 
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Been a super long day... am soooooooooo tired. Seattle Childrens Hospital is great, but we left the house at 4 am, and got back home at 7:30 pm. 125 miles each way, half of that in Seattle traffic. :eek::(

He is staged at 2A, which means he is low risk. Cure rate is 90-95%

Now, how do we survive while commuting that distance every week and being gone from the house for 3 days at a time while he gets treatment??? We have two dogs that are as much a part of our family as they could possibly be....

Kid is still in denial really. R is an emotional wreck! I winked at her earlier today across the table, and she started bawling. I talked to her about doing a photo journal of this, and she liked the idea... so that starts tomorrow.

Still angry, but am so tired right now, not sure how to express it....

Thank you again for seeing me.
 
Hrm. This is all out of my league -- not had it in my personal experience with a sick kid. Could the doc give tips?

Is is possible to look into near the hospital stay places -- ronald mcdonald houses or something? So you drive up one day but come back the next? Not have to do it all in the same day?

I saw the writing on the wall with my dad's mental health probs. I started attending a Unitarian church -- both for the uplift and for the being in community. When the fit hit the shan I was SO grateful to be able to make one phone call to the church and here came the casseroles, the sitters, the smooth the way people. They could not solve my dad problem but they COULD come out here to mow my lawn and pick up THOSE sticks for me so I could devote my focus to dad.

I've put in my time doing the food thing for the new mothers, the funerals, the shut ins, etc. So when it came time for ME to collect, I was totally fine in that department. Do either of you have church connections or friends who have them who would let you "borrow" on their church network in your time of need?

What about support via the school network? Would reaching out to his classmates help? At least turn up a dog sitter?

What about your work network? Would people at the office turn up a plant waterer or dog sitter?

Most of the time I find people are willing to help but don't now HOW to help or are waiting for the invitation to help because they do not want to intrude on what they perceive as a delicate time.

Hang in there.
GG
 
Seattle Children's Hospital is great. They talk to you so you can understand everything. They also assign you a Social Worker from moment 1, to help with anything and everything you need. Yes, they can help with lodging, some transportation stuff, and even some food.

The Social Worker is also going to be there to help the Kid, deal with things, get him any and all help he needs, and to work with him on his Make a Wish thing. (seems every kid diagnosed gets this now) not just some, which is really cool.

We have a very strong community network here, so am going to put out some feelers for help, specifically dog sitting when we are in Seattle, and see what other support is out there. We are not well off, probably in the lower middle class tax bracket right now..

I am heading into my woods again tomorrow. I need to find a log to sit on and just decompress. I can not do that with R around, she feels guilty like she is causing my pain, and stress, no matter how much I assure her that is not the case.

Again, we both have issues with organized religion, and Christianity as a whole, so no, we have no church connections.. however, again, the community is a tight knit as any I have seen. So I am hoping without to much effort, the help will begin to trickle in.

I am off to go exercise my dog... he was locked in his crate for over 12 hours yesterday while we were gone... he was sure the world had ended, and he would be left to starve, lmao... So some extra attention for him as well.
 
Tap it wherever you find it! Glad you have a social worker and glad you are heading to the woods for decompression!

How about hobby networks? If you are a hunter, or if she's a (quilter? Dancer?) whatever -- could those networks of people also be tapped for helpful things? Mow lawn, get grocery, check mail -- whatever.

Or mailing lists and online forums for kids health things in your area? He's too old for baby playgroup lists... library? I know mine sometimes puts on alzheimer caregiver things so putting on things like kid health stuff isn't too far fetched. Maybe your county extension?

Just trying to brainstorm.

Keep shining on over there! It sounds like you actually do have lots of community resources -- just trying to connect the dots maybe?

GG
 
Not so sure, I am shining... but dealing with it.


He is a typical teenager, not wanting to admit there is a serious problem.. He says he refuses to do certain things, that the doctors need him to do, like eating right, etc.. :rolleyes:

We are still trying to figure out how to get things figured out logistically. Gonna be rough, no matter what.. The Kids dad is a total loser.. has seen the kid once since last Christmas... thinks being the Kids best bud, and buying him things is being a father. :mad:

We do have some resources available..

Now, if I could just say something to R without making her cry.. sigh..
 
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