I don't want to stop myself...

castle33

New member
I know I know I know. I found out that feelings are shared. I'm married and my husband and I are really serious about a couple we are great friends with. Things are great. The only problem is that since I'v actually found out that the "other" husband does indeed like me, I have been finding it hard to stop thinking about it. I spoke with my husband and we both agreed to one day sit and talk with the other man, but I am scared that I won't be able to control myself. I'm not talking sex or even kissing. I just crave his company. Being close to him relaxes me. It is hard to put into words but I am sure you guys know what I"m getting at.

I am not new to poly and I know that if I make one wrong move I could ruin things. I guess I just needed to vent. This couple is vanilla and they are slowly learning about themselves. They know how my husband and I live and they still care about us. The other husband is ready, sort of, to talk about things with my husband and I but the three of us know that his wife needs time... a lot of time. She is my best friend. I don't want to hurt anyone.

It feels good to get this out. Even if it's just here. I'm not going to let myself do anything stupid. I'm too strong for that. I just need a few "girl, you betta' watch yo' self" comments to slap me in the face and remind me that I can do this.
 
Gurllll... you betta watch yo self!!!! =) hows that? You know that you only move as fast as the slowest person. And if you really care about both of these people as much as you say you do then this will be a rule you will have to holdfast to. I give your vanilla friends a lot of credit for exploring this at their own pace. Slow and steady wins the race... if his presence is that calming for you then awesome! Invite them both over for more dinners, drinks, and all around chats with clothes on and bask away in the calming energy he brings! =)
 
Enjoy the crush from a distance for now. Things worth waiting for are worth waiting for.

I actually have one of those -- a crush at a distance and I just enjoy it when around the person. Without person knowing I crush. *shrug* DH knows and enjoys teasing me about it, but I'm content to leave it be where it is for now.

Just because we crush doesn't mean we have to DO anything about it, you know?

Hang in there.

GG
 
Sometimes you just need to get it out and gush a bit. ;-)
Sounds like you know what you'redoing and need to do. Obviously communication is key and making sure everyone is comfortable is most important. But enjoy your swoony feelings! And enjoy your the company of these friends and this fella's comforting vibe. Just be careful not to overwhelm the wifey. Take it slow and enjoy the process. :)
 
omg i just typed a long ass reply and lost it. boooo!

well, i'll keep it short. i'm being a good girl. i am so mad now that i lost all i was typing. oh well.

i talked to the hubby last night. so now all four people know that the feelings are there. but they don't know that i am the only one that knows how each one feels. all three have told me how they feel about it all. who likes who, how comfy they are with sex and whatnot, how they feel close to each other but still not willing to say anything for fear of rejection and just plain ole' tabooish stuff. i feel as if i am a card master at the blackjack table. all the players know the rules but no one is ready to show their hand.


i will be spending time at the other couple's house tomorrow. nothing fancy as uaual but i am looking forward to it. i will keep my hands to myself but my mind will be off leash ;)
 
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i'm i dog person. so dog terms are in my everyday vocab... hum, hope my bf's husband realizes this lol.
 
Vanilla and slow. Vanilla and slow. You may know the cards, but you don't know how they'll play them. Please, for your own sake, remember they are vanilla and slow.
 
found this old thread and it hit home:

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=11797

i have been a member of this site on and off for a few years now. i used to be girlcaleb but i had some trouble getting my account back. when i was girlcaleb i was in a poly/open relationship. that is also when i met my husband and my ex boyfriend's new lady. so much has happened since then.

now i remember why i loved this site so much. i have to make myself sit down and actually read other folk's stories and thoughts. it is the only way i can process all the crazy in my own head. i can talk to my ex, my husband, and.... well, that's about it. so being here really makes a difference. nothing new on the updates today. i'm watching the other couples house right now and some other very important things. i love being here. it gives me a break from my stressful but good D/s relationship with my husband.

thinking about having another game night soon. the gang (as i now like to call the three people involved) has been really busy lately and i think we all need to just chill and be back in the same room with each other. it's been awhile. the hubby will be coming over here for lunch and the bf's hubby will also be here. so snacks will be served.

oh, one more random bit of rambling: not only are the four of us comfortable around each other but we both have dogs. my pup loves their pup. i can bring him over anytime i want. i am a huge dog person and if you wanna' love me you have to love my dog. right now the dogs are getting on my nerves. running and playing. it makes me smile to think that i've been this lucky. even though i want to turn around and tell the dogs to "BE STILL FOR TWO SECONDS!"

i'm happy here. now i'm going to search their fridge for snacks...
 
even though i want to turn around and tell the dogs to "BE STILL FOR TWO SECONDS!"
Have you noticed that antsy impatient you wants to tell the dogs this? Your dogs are showing you a part of who you are right now. Your situation sounds good overall. You just need to learn how to breathe............ and move with it all.
 
sigh,

everything is mostly fine. both husbands know what is going on. that's great and all but i am tired... mentally. my husband is excited about it all. he's giddy and he talks about it non stop. i am happy for him. at the same time i just want to relax and let things settle. i like my bf and her husband. right now i just want to get back to being friends. i'm too tired to do anything else.

last night was a sleep over for the four of us. not a kinky sleep over. just dinner, movie, and a few drinks then bed... very late. i slipped up after a strong german beer and asked the bf's hubby a silly question. he laughed and before he could answer i told him to forget about it... which he probably did. i didn't. i felt bad about it. nothing big. i just feel as if it was the wrong time. we were alone so no one else knew. i told my husband about it and he was more worried about it then i was.

when i woke up this morning the bf's hubby came down. we always wake up before our spouses. they're lazy :)

i apologized and made sure i didn't do anything to make him feel strange. he just laughed again and told me all is fine. i trust him and i know he was being honest. if he had a problem with it he would have told me. he is very open and comfy with me so i know he meant what he said. however, i still feel bad about it. that's just how i am. i'll spend a few days walking around in my own little guilt filled world. I'll be okay after that.

i guess i'm just venting again. i told my husband today that i want to chill on the relationship talk. i just need a break.

i do have one question. how do you guys handle getting over the sexual vibe? the three of us are all thinking too hard about the whats, whens, and wheres. i just want to go back to being comfortable with my bf's husband. i am not sure if it is mostly just me but i feel as if i am always sending out fuck me mojo when i am around him. i don't care about sex as much as i care about him and his family. just being in the same room as them makes me as happy as i can be. my problem is that i don't know how to turn the sexy off. laugh if you want... i am right now.

it's like i'm playing a waiting game but i already have what i am waiting for. true friendship. i guess i need to spend some time alone. i miss being alone. with my hubby, my bf and her man, and the dogs and kids around alone time is hard to come by. but i will try. thanks for reading. i'm sure i sound like a dork.
 
bf is generally used for boyfriend on the board....
am I correct in assuming that you are using it as best friend?
I was getting confused. Sorry!!
 
sorry about that guys. i guess i should name them to make it easier. things are going good. still a bit tired but i told my husband (king solomon) that i needed some room to be alone and enjoy my own little nre feelings. he is fine with it. the bff's hubby (puppy power) is doing well, as is his wife (queen amidala).

dinner tomorrow night so i am sure i'll have updates. again, thanks for reading and sharing with me.
 
king solomon is having a hard day :( poor guy. queen amidala is fine. she talked to me today. her main concern was not "ewww!" as i thought it would be. but she wanted to know more about how i find it so easy to "share". it comes natural to me. i know that everyone else is not the same. puppy power is just being himself. playing Wow and not caring about anything.

as much as i love watching king solomon deal with NRE, i hate seeing him worried and anxious. he is worried that the queen and puppy power will not like him anymore if they knew the truth. i keep telling him to relax but i can't get inside of his head and toss a rock into his mental gears. it's just the way he is.

i know all will be well. i don't care if things go to the next level or not. i just love my friends, their beautiful kid (we can call him prince puff n' stuff) and their dog.

i have anxiety too but i know how to handle it. been here, done this a million times now. well, not a million. more like two or three times. but i understand myself and others enough to know that friends don't come cheap. queen amidala told me that she still wants me as her friend... even though king solomon has a huge school boy crush on her. i'm talking like anime school buy crush. lol

tomorrow starts another busy week for us all. i'll be keeping prince puff n' stuff all day with the dogs. everyone else will be hard at work. that will give us time to focus on something other than us. did i mention that puppy power and king solomon work in the same office all day long together? makes for fun times.

i wonder if the mods think i should move this to the blog/log section?
 
dinner was good tonight. i had a great time with prince puff n' stuff. queen amidala was perfect, as she always is. she can multi task better than martha stewart. she made a slow cooker dish that kills. puppy power was very helpful tonight. doing dishes and what not. king solomon is happy and quiet (thank jeebus) and all went well.

i told king solomon that if we all lived together it would be just like tonight. nothing fancy. just everyday stuff. like dishes and dinner, potty training, and taking the dogs out. everyone is happy and tired tonight. as it should be. giggles were shared and comfort was at a high. life.
 
are you ready for the queen too?

What if the queen who wants to be your friend no mater what happens wants you too will you let her have you, she sounds like she has already made up her mind.
 
the queen

From what you have said about her she is quiet, but also said no mater what happens she still wants to be friends with you, this tells me she has already made up her mind about you regardless weather the men are there, you may think she is quiet but I think she is letting you do the talking, ....
 
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