Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and to poly and like most people on here I'm having a hard time adjusting to being in a poly relationship. I am a mono woman married to a poly hubby, we've been together for 8 1/2 years and married for almost 6. Hubby realized he was poly about 5 years ago and since then I've been struggling with this change. I didn't acknowledge the change then because I thought it was a phase and I figured having a threesome would help it peeter out. Silly me. Instead the threesome made us as a couple stronger and only solidified his need to continue searching for a partner to add to our relationship. Yay!
So what's so bad about this? To this day, I still can't seem to get my shit together. I understand the fundamentals of being poly, we've spent countless hours, days, and nights talking about this, hubby has tried his very best to get me to understand his point of view and I get it. And I thought I had it until a few months ago when he found a girl, (K). They had this crazy animal, chemical attraction to each other, we 3 met up and had a crazy, wild, amazing night together. And I was cool, I didn't freak out, I let my inhabitions go and I went with the flow. The next day and the 2 weeks following they got together, a lot while I was at work, they didn't do anything sexual, but the whole time I was going crazy. I was starting to resent K for building a special relationship with hubby, it drove me crazy knowing that they were building that special connection that me and hubby have. I knew how sexually attracted they were to each other and I was afraid that she was taking the attraction away from hubby and I. Long story short, it didn't work out because I went crazy on the two of them and basically told her to leave us alone.
It's been almost a year and Im starting to see that she wanted to not only be involved with hubby, but also with me. But I ruined a rare and potentially beautiful thing because of my fear and insecurities. Hubby and I have grown since then and have decided to change tactics. The thing with K happened in a matter of a month, maybe not even that long, it's a little fuzzy for me. So in this next girl he found, (M) we are taking things slow. M is a sweet, sweet person, us 3 have hung out, in a non sexual manner, lol. Hubby and M haven't even talked much about poly, they've only hung out as friends twice, and this coming week will be the deciding factor if they will start dating. I'm liking this pace because I feel more involved, this is new for all of us, I'm not entering it in the middle after a relationship has been established. But my insecurities are coming back, I'm starting to think of it as him and her and not us and her. Which is the same thing I went through with K, How do I get past this? Hubby said that it would help if I start to picture them dating because it is a real possibility and sort out what makes me upset about that. I think it's important to note that I feel equal to M, I didn't feel that way about K, I was intimadated by her. M is alot like me so I feel like we could be really great friends.
I don't know if this time will be easier, I hope with the help of this forum and a lot of self searching that it will be. I should mention also, I'm 12 weeks pregnant, we just found out and are both scared shitless and ecstatic, this is our 1st one and a surprise at that. So not only am I more of an emotional person rather than a logical one my emotions are magnified by the hormones. lol. Hubby is doing his best to make sure I'm happy, and he does. But I can't hurt him again by going crazy, I've read up on some of the jealousy blogs and they are helping, but I still need some help, I have good days and bad days, How do I get my logical side to be equal with my emotional side? Logical is the one where I see poly clearly and happily. Emotional just makes me want to go wild and crazy....not in a flattering way.
So what's so bad about this? To this day, I still can't seem to get my shit together. I understand the fundamentals of being poly, we've spent countless hours, days, and nights talking about this, hubby has tried his very best to get me to understand his point of view and I get it. And I thought I had it until a few months ago when he found a girl, (K). They had this crazy animal, chemical attraction to each other, we 3 met up and had a crazy, wild, amazing night together. And I was cool, I didn't freak out, I let my inhabitions go and I went with the flow. The next day and the 2 weeks following they got together, a lot while I was at work, they didn't do anything sexual, but the whole time I was going crazy. I was starting to resent K for building a special relationship with hubby, it drove me crazy knowing that they were building that special connection that me and hubby have. I knew how sexually attracted they were to each other and I was afraid that she was taking the attraction away from hubby and I. Long story short, it didn't work out because I went crazy on the two of them and basically told her to leave us alone.
It's been almost a year and Im starting to see that she wanted to not only be involved with hubby, but also with me. But I ruined a rare and potentially beautiful thing because of my fear and insecurities. Hubby and I have grown since then and have decided to change tactics. The thing with K happened in a matter of a month, maybe not even that long, it's a little fuzzy for me. So in this next girl he found, (M) we are taking things slow. M is a sweet, sweet person, us 3 have hung out, in a non sexual manner, lol. Hubby and M haven't even talked much about poly, they've only hung out as friends twice, and this coming week will be the deciding factor if they will start dating. I'm liking this pace because I feel more involved, this is new for all of us, I'm not entering it in the middle after a relationship has been established. But my insecurities are coming back, I'm starting to think of it as him and her and not us and her. Which is the same thing I went through with K, How do I get past this? Hubby said that it would help if I start to picture them dating because it is a real possibility and sort out what makes me upset about that. I think it's important to note that I feel equal to M, I didn't feel that way about K, I was intimadated by her. M is alot like me so I feel like we could be really great friends.
I don't know if this time will be easier, I hope with the help of this forum and a lot of self searching that it will be. I should mention also, I'm 12 weeks pregnant, we just found out and are both scared shitless and ecstatic, this is our 1st one and a surprise at that. So not only am I more of an emotional person rather than a logical one my emotions are magnified by the hormones. lol. Hubby is doing his best to make sure I'm happy, and he does. But I can't hurt him again by going crazy, I've read up on some of the jealousy blogs and they are helping, but I still need some help, I have good days and bad days, How do I get my logical side to be equal with my emotional side? Logical is the one where I see poly clearly and happily. Emotional just makes me want to go wild and crazy....not in a flattering way.