Single, not ready to mingle

Polyglamorous

New member
Ello folks,

I have decided to start a blog mapping out the next section of my life. It feels very new. I have recently told my Ex that I was not interested in getting back together and that we had a really codependent relationship and that space is a thing that I need. I recently had a break up with another partner who didn't want the same things from life. I am now entering a realm I have not been in since my adulthood. I am going to see what the world of singledom has to offer.

I am taking calculus class for the next three weeks. So I feel I will be super preoccupied with that. I have already reached out to people that I enjoy playing board games with and asked if I could rejoin their gaming group. Its great because I am in no way attracted to any of them. Which is what I need in life right now, purely just friends who enjoy the same activities as me.

I imagine I will use this blog to vent, and keep track of things. I will also be starting all my major classes in the fall which is a big change. I will maybe use this to write poetry as well. :D yay for blogging!!!!
 
I am now entering a realm I have not been in since my adulthood. I am going to see what the world of singledom has to offer.

I enjoyed my brief period of singleness, but I am also a serial relationship addict so I enjoyed not being single as well.

sounds like the perfect time with a calculus course looming, read some good books! (the game of thrones is a well written collection if you haven't already read them, better than the show by far).
 
I have read Game of thrones. If I am being honest though, the fifth book I only skipped around to the characters I liked. I should probably give it another go and read it all.

Well today I got my first calculus test back. The results were not great, I can still pass the class with it. I am just upset by somethings. Mainly, I got one question right on my scrap paper, and I labeled every problem with what page of the scrap paper the work could be found. I translated it to the paper wrong. I showed him and he did not seem to care. I think I should not have been grade as harshly on that question. On another question, I got the answer right, but he marked off 3 points because he didn't understand my process, even though I explained it to him but I guess it wasn't enough. I told him that I made it zero because I couldn't be solving for two variables in the problem, so I made the most logical one zero which was right but he said he didn't know HOW I made it zero. So I guess I lost three points for notation. I think I should have made 5 more points on the test ) = I think math reminds me a lot Polyamory. More to come on that idea later.

I bought a bicycle to ride with my daughter. Today was the first day we rode. My brakes squeaked the whole time. So I have been looking up how to fix that. It really sucks having a kid sometimes. I worry about her so much it hurts. I just imagine all these things that can happen to her. While we are riding I am so scared shes going to be hit by a car. The fear of your child getting hurt is almost enough of a reason not to have one. Shes now obsessed with the new show cloak and dagger. This makes me happy. I also rented Sherlock Gnome. It makes me happy when she wants to watch super animated movies and shows because I feel like shes growing up too fast. I also went grocery shopping and I made her pick out food because I am so tired of "MOM, WHAT CAN I EAT" I think kids are blind.

I ended up blocking the Ex-partner/co-worker. We don't know how to speak to each other. I am on leave of absence from work while I take this 5 week calculus class. Which is good because we work together. I hope when I come back things wont be weird but I know they will. I think about transferring a lot, or I could just leave, but I really like my job. It will be hard to maintain my schedule come fall though because I will be starting my architecture classes. They all go on in the morning, and right now I work overnight. I will know more after my orientation on July 9th. Good news though, between loans and grants I am getting 18,000 dollars for next years school.

I have soooooo much homework and studying to do this weekend. Luckily I do not have school tomorrow.

I also told that one person I have met twice that my partner and myself broke up and that for the first time in my adult life I want to be single. Meet up guy said that he was disappointed but understood. Ex-partner/coworker said I beat around the bush as far as how I told the meet up guy. Which I don't think I did. Opinions always welcome (if anyone even reads this boring long thing)

Another thing, I have been researching "kink" for about as long as I have poly. There are some aspects of kink I am interested in, other parts that make me feel TOTALLY uncomfortable. I have been thinking about buying myself a poly related daytime collar. I think it can be a symbol that I own myself and maybe display my interests in a super subtle way. I am undecided on this. Would also like opinions on the matter. I've read a lot on it and its not unheard of to by a collar for yourself. People say they hold no meaning. This would hold meaning to me personally though.

In conclusion math notation is a bitch. My bike brakes suck. I love my daughter. Blocked the EX. Told the one person I met twice I wasn't interested in dating. I am thinking about buying myself a poly related collar. Oh, and I am always open to book suggestions.
 
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Today I’ve had some annoyance by the fact I could not text the ex in a friendly way. I really like residential architecture, so I look at houses all day on Zillow. I no longer have anyone to send the good ones to. He says he still going to lunch with his ex. It’s fine, he chooses to muddle in his past. I am looking towards the future.

I am meeting with a tutor as much as possible hoping this test grade will be better than the last. This is my last math class. I’ve taken five others. I cant wait to be done. (Although I still have to take physics, but it’s precal based physics so it could be worse) I’ve been shopping for new laptops because I will need a new one come fall. This is daunting because I have no idea what half the terminology means. I think I am just going to pick one off a list for best architecture laptops, but even that confuses me because you would think the best Auto-cad laptops would be the same as the best architecture laptops but they aren’t. So I guess I’ll pick one that’s on both list.

My daughter and I have been reading the Harry Potter books together. It’s honestly my favorite part of the day. She doesn’t talk about it much though. We recently started book three. She talks about a lot of random stuff. She starts a theater camp soon. So that’s exciting.

I’ve decided not to buy the collar, but I am going to buy something to symbolize this new chapter. Most likely jewelry, since I do not wear any but would like to. I will save the collar for when I actually achieve the relationship style I want. It would mean more coming from other people.

I think the hardest part of people leaving your life is the change of dynamic in your music. I have been desperately scouring the internet for new music. All my old music reminds me of people and things I wish not to be reminded of.

My family went to the lake today with out me. It sucks, but my little cousin seems to have gotten me sick. Sore throat, coughing and sneezing. Around this time last year I was really sick. I do not wish to have that repeated. I also need the time to do my homework. Which is a little over half way complete. I really slacked this week about going to the math lab.

It seems to be a chore to try to add any sort of pictures to your blog posts, that sucks.
 
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Well yesterday the house was in upheaval because my family was adding a door to a room that I am going to move into. Its a bitter sweet thing. I am happy that I will now have two rooms to put my things in. A living room and a bedroom. I have had a lot of things smashed into one room. It makes me happy because its an opportunity to save money for a better future while furthering my education. I feel grateful because some people don't have that chance.

The bittersweet part is that I am 29 and this is cementing the fact that I will be here for the next four years. A drug addiction really took away a chunk of my life and it makes me feel pretty shitty most days. I've said it here before all my friends are married and having multiple kids and I live with family not even close to being at that point in my life. Its impossible to have a child and live with only you and your child on less than 15 dollars an hour. I could give up my education and push more for a lucrative job with out my degree, but I feel as though those jobs are fleeting and unstable. I feel that getting an education is the most stable way of getting a well paying career.

I also get upset because the route I want to go takes so long. I could be out of school teaching in two years. That is just not what I want. If you are an architectural major, no matter how many of my basics I have done (which is all) it still takes 4 years to get a bachelors due to the way the classes are set up. Then, on top of that you can not be a practicing architect with out getting your masters/professional degree which is another 2 years. My goal will take 6 years to achieve. I get pretty depressed about this most days. What makes me feel better is I have rewards set at each milestone. Architecture is just the prefect job for me, and I know it.
I feel as though I will not be satisfied unless I can make my dream a reality.

I am friends with one of my math tutors, he has a daughter around the same age as mine. Hes coming over today to help prepare for the test. Then I think I am going to have his daughter Monday-Thursday. So he can go to work, my moms going to help because I go to school for 4 hours a day. Its good because it gives My daughter a playmate. So I see an incredibles two viewing in the future. In exchange he is going to tutor me for free today. Which is good because I have a test Monday, this test is going to be pretty hard because I cant use a calculator for anything. So I cant double check my basic math. Which I have always done.

I was suppose to go to my grandparents for fathers day but daughter and myself are both super sick and we can't risk getting my grandma sick.
 
So this weeks homework situation is better than the last two week due to my tutor helping after hours. I also feel a lot more comfortable with this weeks materials. I think I enjoy U-subbing. I am going to study so much this weekend since I don't have to focus on homework. Tomorrow I am suppose to go see the incredibles 2. My life has been pretty boring lately so there isn't much to report. Just been doing homework and watching the magicians.Just thought I would update.
 
Okay more to discuss today. I saw the incredible two. It was good I suppose.

Nothing on the news of poly except when discussing stuff with a person, I brought up that I was interested in threesomes. As usual the other person said threesomes with girls are okay but that he was "painfully straight" and that "two giving head is better than one" I replied with saying that I think the same person who said that also said "twice the penetration leads to thrice the climaxtation" I now regret not saying thrice the ejaculation or thrice the stimulation but whatever. Sadly that is most people reaction to MFM threesomes that I have run across.

In other news, I bought a bunch of books on Wicca, Astrology, Astronomy and tarot cards. I am just reading up on the subjects. No clear goal in mind. Apparently if I ever decide I want to be Wiccan after my readings I must study for a year and a day. SO I guess I will know on june 23rd 2019. I felt pretty silly at the check out line though.

I did however find out some interesting astrology stuff. People have more than just their sun sign. You have three major signs and then a bunch of smaller signs matched with different planets, meaning different things. I learned that My three main signs make something called a grand trine. I have three fire signs for my three major signs. Sun in Aries, Moon in Leo and rising Sagittarius. It creates a equilateral triangle on your birth chart. The alchemy fire sign is also a triangle, so I have been looking for a piece of jewelry I can wear everyday to symbolize the next chapter of my life. So I have decided on the alchemy fire sign necklace. My weekend shall be filled with plenty of studying.
 
Dude I think I am having withdraw from lack of human physical touch. Lack of sex is whatever, I took care of myself in that department for like two or three years. THE LACK OF SOMEONE PLAYING WITH MY HAIR THOUGH, I feel like I might die. haha. I just need to be cuddled, I need my head to be on a chest. I guess its good. Its just detox for the last ten years of my life. I need to learn how to be by myself. I am so sad.
 
My daughter started theater camp yesterday. So that’s cool, but I fear it will come with its own heartbreak and arguments. I’m worried she won’t get the part she wants. We will also fight about her level of commitment.

I haven’t spoken to anyone but my family in iver 24 hours. Fun stuff. I think I’ll pass calculus but I really want a B with only 13 questions on his test they are hard to get really good grades on. Luckily my homework/quiz average is keeping me afloat. We’ve gutted my daughters room and are cleaning and reorganizing.
 
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