@central My husband and I have a child together. Years ago there was promise of having another child when she became 5 and obviously that has not happened yet. I am not doubting the issue of my being upset that she was the one who wound up pregnant and not me. But, due to the fact of her not keeping it and us not having another child when my youngest turned 5 is due to the fact of not being financially ready to have another.
But, unfortunately this is not the only time a pregnancy issue has happened. It happened with one of the crazy females we tried to develop a relationship with before and it was a night of drunken sex (where she waited until I left to have sex with him again with no protection while he was in a drunken stupor). So, there are a few underlying issues that could be effecting my anger issues, trust issues, etc.
@mmkeekah That is what I would have liked is that she sat down with us and talked to us when she found out. (she says she wasn't hiding the results she was just thinking of how to go about telling us) My thoughts on it is that when she first got here things were decent and cool. We were feeling each other out, but it was like the beginning of any new relationship. Her and I talked alone a bit the other day and she was telling me how some of the hugs and nudges and nuzzles she gives him is not because they are lovers or he is her master, but it's because they are friends. And she said that it's hard to be lovers with someone if you are not friends first. (Can we say a shot straight to the heart )
So, playing devil's advocate with myself......I feel that I have been played and fooled in this situation to a certain point. This is supposed to be a triad that involves us all with him getting his master/sub fix and me getting a girlfriend/ bestie/ good friend fix and it seems like I have been tricked into this at least with her because I have wanted a triad for so long.
I would reveal this to him and her but he has literally told me that I play the victim too much along with some other things. He even had me read this article (
https://www.linkedin.com/today/post...e-them-in-yourself-and-change-them?_mSplash=1) to show me the error in my ways. But, if I go into everything that is an issue with me and what I really feel.....I feel he will do the same ish he does all the time which is explain stuff away or make it seem not significant...or my issue or problem only and like I am inconveniencing everyone. Him and I have been through too damn much. We have known each other since we were 5, our grandparents live next door to each other. We have been together almost 12 years....married almost 2. I have even said if I change my mind about her or if I said I wanted to end it how would you feel? He told me he would be very angry and pissed because he brought her here because I liked her and wanted her and she up and moved to come here and he wouldn't end it.
@Magdlyn I would like everything to be equal. Bills are supposed to be equal and all but that is hard when one person makes a whole bunch (that's me) and the other two are on the lower end (retail of some kind)...so I'm the one footing the most money on stuff. She loves to cook and clean whereas I have moods when I like to do that but she does it all the time because it helps her anxiety. But, since this pregnancy issue and all to me it seems like she gets more attention or she shows him more (which she told me it's due to them being good friends) and then they do the bdsm thing which I have expressed that I would like to participate or watch sometimes but of course because I'm not deep into it I can not be in it. And that pisses me off as well.
I know another reason it went kind of bad is because of the fact that I like to take over or rather control the things especially when it came down to this situation. I wanted to make sure the abortion got down before it was too late. I just want equality all over. Her and I haven't had sex with each other in months, (we all sleep in a king size bed together) with them I'm not sure, my husband and I.... it's times when it ranges from 30 to 60 days and when I try to ask for it...he says he doesn't like if I demand it and I don't want it to feel scheduled. It's terrible that we all have slept together at least a good 3 times (while drinking of course). And then sex is iffy when kids are home because of loudness (they are 13 and 10)
I just want more of a mesh between us where you can't tell where I end he begins or where she comes in at. And it seems like they like to say I have issues or she likes to say I should talk to someone or get on medication like her. Is it wrong that I want this?
This last week or so I have been being calm, chill, haven't blown up or off the handle angry about anything, but it still frustrates what they have and what her and I don't have and it seems to be effecting my husband and I regardless what he believes. I am close to blowing my top again and don't want to do it. I've even broken down and cried in front of my 10 year old as well.