Is it ever too soon?

JenAgain

New member
To say I love you?

I admittedly wear my heart on my sleeve. I fall in love easily, and granted that it often morphs into different types of love/relationships, it never really goes away. With the exception of one person, I still very much love (and am good friends, best with a couple even) with the people I had relationships with before I met my husband

So now here I am with J. Don't want to scare him off, but I feel this overwhelming feeling to tell him that I love him. I don't expect it in return. Don't need him to feel the same about me. There are still questions about him that I don't get, that are hard to understand. But I love him regardless. For what he brings to our family, my husband, myself. I find myself pausing and afraid to say it because I don't know if it's too soon, or too much. Then on the other hand, not telling him seems wrong too.

We've known him 3 years, this exploration into poly has been going on 2 months, of course I always felt that connection when he was here. I love the relationship him and my hubby have, and the comfort that we all have when he is here. I don't think he feels the same way about me as I do about him, that that's not what it's about for me. I have no problem telling friends that I love them, and often do, even guy friends who I don't have this connection with, but something about telling him seems so much more loaded.

I dunno... thoughts? opinions??

Tried doing a search for this, but couldn't think of the proper key words that would narrow it down any more :)
 
My guess is that you're experiencing a rather heady euphoria right now, but I would wait to express that love until it feels a little more... grounded? Know what I mean? Revel in it for a while, enjoy the feelings, let the chemical bath you're in settle down a bit. If you say it too soon, especially since you have really just begun and are all still working things out, it could complicate things unnecessarily.
 
It's all a matter of opinion.
But personally, I wouldn't.

I'm friends with all of my "exes" as well. But, part of the reason is that I am, is that I respected them all as friends, not just lovers. It certainly is'nt becuase I told them I loved them. ;)
 
I will take your advice to heart and wait... it's so hard for me! I definitely don't want to complicate things, especially when they are going so well right now. :)

Thank you :)
 
Sigh... after I had that 4way with my gf and her female friend, and my sweetie D, I so wanted to tell D I loved him when we were parting... but I didn't. I mean, I am not "in love" with D, but I sure do feel a strong fondness for him. But I am pretty sure he wouldnt have taken it well. It might make him uncomfortable. So I didnt say it. Even tho we've been seeing each other for 2 years now. I don't want to scare him.
 
Considering that he isn't really taking the relationship aspect seriously, I'd say it's too early. I'd wait a little bit for him to open up more. Having the L bomb dropped when he is just starting to get comfortable might be too much.
 
If ou just have to say it and you think its to soon....then wait for a day when our walking him out a door and say it out loud behind the closed door mabe that would help:eek:
 
I'm going to swim against the current (what the hell do I know???) and agree with Charlie. If you love him and you're itching to tell him so, do it. Just do it without expectations - and let him know that as well.

There's a novel by Vonnegut where one person says to another: "I love you."
The other replies: "When you say that, I feel like you're pointing a gun at my head. What else am I allowed to reply but 'I love you, too'?"

Make sure that J knows that there's no gun.

Q: Is it ever too soon? To say I love you?
A: Better too soon than too late. (just my opinion)

p.s. I think that you and Beodude123 should invite J to read these threads. (just a crazy idea)
 
Q: Is it ever too soon? To say I love you?
A: Better too soon than too late. (just my opinion)

This is exactly my thought process when I wonder if it's too soon.

I did end up telling him. When I thought I was going to lose the chance to ever do it. Hubby had hit his lowest point thus far, and I couldn't do it to him anymore (we've since reestablished our boundaries and are starting back at the very very basics). I went in and talked to J and told him what was going on. He went to leave and he hugged me and told me everything was going to be okay, and I told him I know, and that not to freak him out, but I love him. In some way. I wear my heart on my sleeve. That's me, and I'm not ashamed of it.

I still don't know in which way.. there are so many ins and outs to him. I don't know if I love him in a familial way, if I love him in a romantic way. I love who he is at the core, and who he is to hubby. I still don't know if he will ever be right for me in that respect... but I love him regardless. I'm glad I told him. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Everything is still a big question, but my feelings have not changed.. he is one of those people who have made an impression on me and will always have a place in my heart.

I intend to invite him to read our threads and this forum, probably tonight. Don't know if he will, but I hope so!
 
Maybe just let the actions speak for themselves? Showing it instead of saying it? That's what I had to do.
 
I'd say it is the consequences. That one little word can change a lot of things for many people. The people on this board toss it around a little easier, but it still has far reaching effects.
 
How did he react when you said those 3 little words?
 
I agree with Beodude.

Besides, if you really love them, the enthusiasm to share it with them, will always be there. Taking time is a selfless act, in making sure they cherish the words with the intention given, rather then feeling overwhelmed.
 
Totally depends on the recipient. I would err on the side of not saying it. But thats because I see love as rare, and I rarely feel it for others. In my early days that would have had me balking. things have changed a bit, but I think most people err on the side of caution when using those words.

Being patient with something as rare and precious as I love you, is not a bad thing.

I hope it went well for ya :)
 
How did he react when you said those 3 little words?

He hugged me tight and said "I love you guys too".. which I know he does. He really respects our marriage. I didn't expect him to say anything, and didn't care. I just felt like I needed to say it, I've never been one that holds back whether it be friends, family or a romantic interest. I feel it's important to tell the people we love that we love them as often as we can. There isn't a day that goes by that Beodude and I don't say it to each other, and that's the way I like it.
 
I tell those I love that I love them every chance I get, but certainly I don't tell them the first time until my will really gives in and I just have to say it. To me, that's the sign that it really is love. At the point where I have to say it and can't stop myself.
 
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