Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Bi male poly-wannabe, saying hi! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=41767)

JustAddWater 03-02-2013 05:05 AM

Bi male poly-wannabe, saying hi!
Hello, everyone. Can't believe I never found this site before; name's a bit obvious, isn't it?

The FAQ actually has intimidated me from doing my usual total self-disclosure thing. If anonymity is a big value here, OK... but there's so much info about me on the Net already, I suspect revealing anything but the basics is a few steps away from posting my name and photo. So I'll keep this brief, though that totally goes against my nature :D

I'm interested in polyamory because I don't believe I can be happy with just one man or one woman. One of each would suit me fine, I think. I've had my mind on being in a triad or quad for a couple of years now, but no success yet. Have had two affairs with poly-minded people, but neither relationship lasted long enough to expand to include another bi man. I've been advised to broaden my horizons beyond my closed-loop ideal, and I am trying to be open-minded.

Am happy to share personal details outside the forum!

opalescent 03-02-2013 04:14 PM

If you are open about being poly in your life, and can handle the possible consequences of being out, then you are very free to be your 'regular' self here. If you want to use your usual Internet non de plumes, go for it.

The emphasis on anonymity is to get people to think about their situation and how being open as poly may impact them. For too many people the impacts could be very negative - job loss, child custody issues, loss of friends or family. This board is searchable by Google and so one's user names and postings are public. That means if one is not careful, uses the same user name as other sites, gives too many identifying details, it is possible for others to figure out who you are.

But if you are already open and have few consequences to worry about if outed, then fly your freak flag proudly!

Disclaimer: I mean 'freak' kindly as in 'let us non-mainstream folks hang out and be awesome together'. And define non-mainstream however you want.

JustAddWater 03-03-2013 04:34 PM

Oh, all right then!
All right then, in that case, I'll deck out my profile with photos and lots of meandering self-disclosure!

I'm not at all closeted about my lifestyle; it was more the scary talk about how revealing too much of yourself might compromise the security of your lovers that held me back.

opalescent 03-03-2013 08:09 PM

That is an important point. If people figure out who you are, they can sort out who is involved with you. If your lovers (or family members) are not in a position to be open, then yes, you may want to hold back details to protect them. You may want to ask them how comfortable they are with you disclosing things. Something to think and talk about before all the meandering self-disclosure!

kdt26417 03-03-2013 08:44 PM

Greetings JustAddWater,
Welcome to our forum.

I hope you find the triad or quad situation you've been looking for. Or a V or a Z ... :) ... who knows what will turn up.

It sucks to have to worry about security and privacy issues, but I guess that is the price of admission for a public forum. I almost think of it as a calculated risk.

Have a look around and get a feel for what people post and stuff. It's a pretty comfortable atmosphere.

Glad you could join us,
Kevin T.

Portlandia 03-07-2013 05:34 AM

Similarly, I lived like that and called myself the unmarried bigamist. Turns out I was avant garde. It seems so many people are divorcing or cheating that this seems like a more honest and appropriate lifestyle.

Good luck to you.

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