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-   -   Newbie from florida saying hi!!!! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25902)

TuttiandHubby 07-23-2012 11:28 PM

Newbie from florida saying hi!!!!
Hi everyone!!!! Not sure what we want so thats why I joined this site to hopefully learn more about the poly life. We have been married for 20 yrs,have a AWESOME sex life and have been soft swinging for a little while. We have some friends that we are ready to full swap but also have great feelings for. We are not looking for several couples to play with,just one,so we can feel safe. They are looking for the same thing. If we decide to exclusively just be with each other,does that mean we are poly?? They have also talked about all of us getting a big house and moving in with each other.

Can someone explain,in a very easy way,what your meaning of a poly lifestyle is??

NerfHerder 07-24-2012 01:55 AM


Originally Posted by TuttiandHubby (Post 145058)
Can someone explain,in a very easy way,what your meaning of a poly lifestyle is??

Hey and welcome ( ;

I'm a total newb here, but I really liked your question so I just had to give my answer. I hope that others will as well so I can see what people think.

To me, it is the acceptance that my wife and I are capable of forming romantic relationships outside of our own and having the interest to pursue them. When I was talking with my wife about it, she said that she didn't understand why romantic love is somehow limited, while one would never say you love your child less because you had another one.

km34 07-24-2012 05:36 AM

Generally the difference between swinging and poly is the romantic side of things. A swinging relationship is based on sex only, with a friendship usually being a secondary concern. FWBs are friendships with the sexual as the benefits (as opposed to swinging where the friendship is the added benefit). Poly is usually a bit more romantic than FWB, emphasizing the emotion and eventually including romantic love.

Figuring out what works for you is really the most important thing. Whatever label you choose to use will help others understand, but the terms overlap enough that they are flexible.

Whether or not you would be considered poly would depend on who you ask, I'm sure. The four of you care about each other, but is more of a friendship type caring or a romantic caring? When you move in together is it going to be a roommate type situation or more of a step towards the four of you partnering to share your lives completely?

CielDuMatin 07-24-2012 09:28 PM

Like km said, I don't think it should matter whether you are poly or swingers - you need to work out what you want and to heck with anyone who tries to tell you you shouldn't be that way! ;)

The usual simple definition is "If it's primarily about the sex, with maybe some love there, then it's more swinging. If it's primarily love, with some sex in the mix, then it's more polyamory".

Does that make sense?

Also, there's nothing stopping one from evolving into the other! Since there's no certification board, you won't need to worry about losing your license or anything!

Welcome to the forum!

kdt26417 07-24-2012 11:24 PM

Hi Tutti and Hubby,
Welcome to our forum.

A poly lifestyle, generally speaking, is a situation in which there are romantic connections between more than two persons, and all the people involved are aware of the whole situation and are okay with it. If the connections in question are more about recreational sex and romance doesn't much come into it, then it's swinging or a FWB situation.

Hope this answers your question, glad you're aboard.

Kevin T.

TuttiandHubby 07-27-2012 05:55 PM

THANKS EVERYONE for your welcomes and answers to my questions!!!! I think right now that the 4 of us love each other but were not "In Love" with each other. We deeply care and have love for each other but thats were it stops for at least wifey and I....I do think that our friends,the wife,has alot of love/feelings for my wife but dont think my wife has the same for her, as of know. That may change the more we spend time with each other and/or move in together.Moving in together wont happen for sometime but they are looking for houses big enough for all of us.
I will keep everyone updated on our progress.

kdt26417 07-27-2012 08:04 PM

Sounds good.

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