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-   -   What "type" does your SO go for? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25433)

km34 07-07-2012 07:18 PM

What "type" does your SO go for?
I know there has been talk in the past of people's SO's pursuing people who are "too similar" to the poster that it feels threatening or "so different" from the poster that she wonders what it is that the SO even sees in her.

My husband hasn't gotten too far in a relationship yet, but he tends to go for 2 physical types:

1: My body type - a bit on the heavy side or at least solidly built, big boobs.
2: Twigs (no offense) - tall, so thin it seems like you can see through them, no real curves to speak of.

I noticed the trend before he did. The women he is interested in on OkCupid either have pictures that are obviously showing off their gigantic bosoms or they are super thin. It kind of bugged me at first, more the thin ones than the ones built like me ("oh, you'd like me more if I looked like THAT") but then I realized I was being stupid, and it started to amuse me because he went back and looked at the people he's talked to in the past and realized I was right! He felt kind of bad that his decision on whether or not to contact people seemed to rely solely on their acceptance of poly (or at least the lack of judging it) and their body type.

Personality-wise he is attracted to the opposite of me - more submissive-seeming, go-with-the-flow kind of people. Which doesn't surprise me, because he gets enough dominant, I-want-it-my-way crap from me (not in a terrible way, but more often than not I get my way because I make a more valid argument or manage to convince him with my feminine wiles ;) ).

So, what does everyone else think? Does your SO (or SOs) tend to feel attracted to people similar to you or vastly different? Physically or personality-wise.

Phy 07-07-2012 07:40 PM

Hm, interesting, we have talked about this before as well :)

Sward: I was the exception from the rule in his case, physically as well as character-wise. His girlfriends were small, thin, blond and to some extend even tiny. The one before me was 1,50m/4'7 even. Really small. Personality wise he seem to go for the cute and seemingly more passive ones, who can throw a tantrum now and then.

Lin: Well, I am the complete opposite of all of his former girlfriends in regard to my looks as well. He was the taller one, in most cases they were blond, again tiny, small, thin ... you get the picture ^.^ Most of them were a lot like drama queens, if you want to put it negatively. You could also say that they were just a bit bitchy and knew what they wanted even though that changed quite often unfortunately.

Honestly, I don't know why I was chosen in both cases. The whole physical appearance should have been enough to not let them look my way :p And their taste is so similar, it is scary. I noticed a tendency to look after curvy women, in regard to Lin lately. Don't know where this comes from.

his1911 07-07-2012 08:30 PM

We joke about that around here!
my oso usually goes for pretty guys w:oith long flowing hair who wear kilts! (Still wondering why she picked me! Lol)
My wife we tease about having a mental hang up for bisexual disable veterans! ( me and her oso qualify for that!)

LovingRadiance 07-07-2012 10:00 PM

My boyfriend has always gone for the innocent, girl next door types, usually petite, small "wall mounts" as my ex said.

My husband tends to go for the "slutty", "party girl", big boobs, small waist look.

Although, he broke the mold with the last one, who was so much like me, 20 years ago it was bizarre. She was WAY more my boyfriend's type that Maca's. Totally weird.

Anyway, it does tend to create some conflict, because we're so family oriented and he wants a long-term relationship, but the girls he generally notices are looking for a good time and wouldn't fit in with us AT ALL.

Arrowbound 07-07-2012 11:14 PM

My SO generally hasn't deviated from anyone that is physically similar to me: well-endowed, average height, dark. That's his ideal. All of his exes but the one just before me have had all of those attributes. He's open to all races, and skintones, but he does have a preference with regards to things like curves (a must). As for anything else, they can't be too sensitive, or easily offended, or religious.

He has run into a lot of immature, wishy-washy older AND younger women though, which I know has been disappointing. Out of all of them I've only liked one, and even she ended up going on some rant against poly one day after they had stopped communicating.

Tonberry 07-08-2012 12:59 AM

Seamus's physical type is short and big, especially with red hair.
However, he also is attracted to people he loves, and repusled by people he dislikes. So while I'm not his type (while neither tall nor thin, I'm taller and thinner than his type), he's definitely extremely attracted to me.
So I don't feel any negative emotions about it. If he obviously wasn't attracted to me, I might feel bad that I'm not his type. As it is, I only noticed because he kept being attracted to the same kind of females, and I don't look like any of them, so I was surprised.

NovemberRain 07-08-2012 05:32 AM

I am american, caucasion, tall, curvy, brunette (occasionally bottle-red), short-haired, used to have a smallish rack, now have a large one (not artificial). FBF, when we were mono, got himself attracted to a very tiny asian woman, and the only woman he ever brought round to meet us after that was a lovely, extremely thin, african-american woman. Have no idea what his women looked like before I knew him. European though. CBF doesn't seem to have a type, but loses the ability to speak when confronted with large racks. :) He will turn his head if someone with a nice ass walks by. But doesn't matter what they look like, if they open their mouth and stupid falls out, he's done.

newtoday 07-08-2012 03:38 PM

My bf's live-in SO and I are quite different.

We do share many similar traits - big hearts, educated, intelligent strong minds, physically fit and attractive.

Yet we are so different from each other.

She is a tall, thin, blond; more subdued personality.

I am shorter, not as thin but fit, athletic, curves that he worships. Brunette, girls girl - nails, hair, makeup, heels... I'm not subdued at all, quite energetic, animated, silly. He calls me his little Muppet. :D

We are so different yet he loves us both and what we each offer in our time together.

But speaking of types, my reason for posting is to share a joke that he and I share often. His past gf's have mostly been brunettes. One looked quite a bit like me (albeit younger!), but 3 of us have variations of the same name. :D We often joke, same look, same hair, same name, (they have the same first name, I have it as my middle name)..... coincidence, fetish, or type ???? :D

AutumnalTone 07-08-2012 05:23 PM

I know what Curly says is her type--and it distinctly isn't me! When we were first corresponding (met via Yahoo Personals), she sent a message that described me to a "t"--as *not* her type. I giggled about it and then forgot it until after we started dating; she offered an apology for sending that message because she was mortified at the thought she'd hurt my feelings. She married me, so I can't say that her type preferences are that strong. :)

As for me, I can describe my preferences and then point out that most of the women with whom I've been involved don't come anywhere close, physically.

Vinccenzo 07-08-2012 05:46 PM

I don't really notice a physical type so much as a level of dysfunction and neediness about 85% of the time. He really likes those fixer uppers. :rolleyes:

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