CangshuNuhai
New member
This is my first poly relationship and I've been getting some uncomfortable vibes from my partner's primary (We'll call them J).
My new partner (We'll call them C) and I are in NRE and in response to this, J has been jealous and imposes rules and compromises to cut my time with C.
I recently learned that J does in fact want C all to themself. Such instances and rules have occurred/been set in place:
• J has been invited to join C and I to relax together, but J refuses as to not wanting to share C with me.
• I usually tag along with C to pick up my OSO from work, J, being jealous of this time I spend with C, had made the rule that I must go alone to get my OSO so J can have C to themself.
• J says C and I are only allowed to sleep beside each other if we have our own room and bed (yes, this means J doesn't want us falling asleep cuddling on the couch either)
• J doesn't allow me in their's and C's bed. Taking advantage of this, J will try to get C to come to bed for the rest of the night, knowing I can't follow.
• J often doesn't greet/acknowledge me when I come over unless I do it first.
• J sometimes seems to use calculated language as if to subtly yet passive-aggressively remind me that they are C's primary and I'm not (ex. Refers to themselve as C's "mate" and "fiancee" [even though C expresses quite a disinterest in marriage] and refers to me meerly as C's "sub")
• J talks about their sexual experiences with C in front of me, knowing it makes me uncomfortable due to my own jealousy issues (This is my first time having to share a partner)
I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I'm very passive by nature but I'm tired of having every bit of alone time (and I don't even have a lot to begin with) with C cut into because of J's jealously.
Advice?
My new partner (We'll call them C) and I are in NRE and in response to this, J has been jealous and imposes rules and compromises to cut my time with C.
I recently learned that J does in fact want C all to themself. Such instances and rules have occurred/been set in place:
• J has been invited to join C and I to relax together, but J refuses as to not wanting to share C with me.
• I usually tag along with C to pick up my OSO from work, J, being jealous of this time I spend with C, had made the rule that I must go alone to get my OSO so J can have C to themself.
• J says C and I are only allowed to sleep beside each other if we have our own room and bed (yes, this means J doesn't want us falling asleep cuddling on the couch either)
• J doesn't allow me in their's and C's bed. Taking advantage of this, J will try to get C to come to bed for the rest of the night, knowing I can't follow.
• J often doesn't greet/acknowledge me when I come over unless I do it first.
• J sometimes seems to use calculated language as if to subtly yet passive-aggressively remind me that they are C's primary and I'm not (ex. Refers to themselve as C's "mate" and "fiancee" [even though C expresses quite a disinterest in marriage] and refers to me meerly as C's "sub")
• J talks about their sexual experiences with C in front of me, knowing it makes me uncomfortable due to my own jealousy issues (This is my first time having to share a partner)
I don't know what to do or how to handle this. I'm very passive by nature but I'm tired of having every bit of alone time (and I don't even have a lot to begin with) with C cut into because of J's jealously.
Advice?