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-   -   Confused and very scared (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30225)

nycindie 11-08-2012 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alina (Post 165419)
LDR with a poly really sucks :(

It only sucks if poly is forced on you without discussion beforehand, and you're expected to just bend over and take it any way he wants to give it.

Geez, hon, open your eyes and snap out of it! Stop pining for someone who has not been very respectful of you!

You've only been with this guy ten months which isn't that long, as someone else said. He has not demonstrated very much understanding of what poly is at all -- otherwise he would have been clear and truthful with you from the start, and made sure it was something you agree to before getting serious with you. One of the basics of polyamory is mutual CONSENT. That's not the same as "This is how I am but I didn't tell you in case you'd freak out and leave me, so now that you're totally hung up on me you gotta deal with me fucking other women without telling you." Basically he's using polyamory as an excuse to get away with whatever he can. Oops." So... why do you want to marry him?

alina 02-01-2013 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 165451)
So... why do you want to marry him?

I'm not clear and I'm really not sure. I hate this situation but somehow feel I owe it to myself and the relationship to give it a try if we are ever together again. Sometimes I just want to tell him to fuck off but for some reason I don't. This is very complicated and he's into talking about it and how I feel it's just that actions speak louder than words and when we skype everything is cool but then a week goes by and I don't hear from him, I don't know what to think anymore seriously, thanks for your comments!!

WhatHappened 02-01-2013 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alina (Post 182174)
I'm not clear and I'm really not sure. I hate this situation but somehow feel I owe it to myself and the relationship to give it a try if we are ever together again. Sometimes I just want to tell him to fuck off but for some reason I don't. This is very complicated and he's into talking about it and how I feel it's just that actions speak louder than words and when we skype everything is cool but then a week goes by and I don't hear from him, I don't know what to think anymore seriously, thanks for your comments!!

You owe what to yourself? Why?

You owe absolutely nothing to a relationship of only ten months that includes him being less than honest with you and blowing you off for a week at a time whenever he feels like it.

I personally think what you owe yourself is someone who treats you better.

Lynn 02-01-2013 08:09 PM

You have some major soul searching to do. As has already been pointed out, you have to decide what YOU want from a relationship. You, just like anyone else, deserve to be with someone who wants the same things that you want. To me, it feels like he cheated on you. Instead of talking to you BEFORE he did these other two girls so you could talk about it and he could try to help you through it, he told you afterwards. I know for me, this would damage my trust in him and if there's no trust, there's not much else.

And another thing to think about: As hard as it is for you now, it's going to be even harder when you're living together and you watch him leave to go off on a date. Just from the information you've given, I don't see him as a man of honor and integrity.


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