Regarding kissing/making out

A

AntiPoly

Guest
Alright, as you can all tell from my username I am strictly mono and am very much against Poly. However, there is one type of Poly that I find acceptable. The Poly relationships were both partners are allowed to have sex with others, however kissing is not allowed and is only reserved for the primary couple. I believe something should be kept sacred and kissing IMO is much more intimate than sex. (Yes, I'm like that hooker in Pretty Woman)

Therefore if I were to get involved with a Poly partner I would draw the line at kissing/making out. They would be allowed to have sex with others, but no kissing would be allowed, not even kissing during sex.

See to me, I hope that kissing is still seen as sacred and something that should only be shared between two people as it's the most intimate form of connection.

So I'd like to hear from you guys... Those that are Poly, do you allow yourselves/your partner to kiss others or is that a hard limit for you as well? Mono people, would you also feel more uncomfortable with your partner making out with someone else than with just having sex?
 
My husband and I try very hard not to have rules based on limiting our other relationships' ability to grow however they might. Our one rule, other than safer sex, is that we both make sure we spend time and energy nurturing our marriage so that it remains strong. Making a rule that said we couldn't kiss any one but each other just seems so incredibly limiting, which is not what our poly is about.

Really, what you're describing sounds more like an open relationship or swinging to me than poly. Poly, although it includes having sex with others, is more about the relationships than just about the sex. While having an open relationship or swinging tends to focus more on the sex.
 
I find this premise totally ridiculous if you actually understand what poly is -- loving relationships with multiple people. To love someone and not be allowed to kiss them would be torture to me. If you're not comfortable with a partner sharing intimacy with another, don't date someone poly.
 
I, like, Rob couldn't go along with that. My relationships are very intimate and personal. I would want to be able to kiss my partners. I don't have sex without having developed deep emotional feelings for the person I'm having sex with.
 
I'm very curious now, Anti. What brought you here? Why are you very much against poly -- is it a personal thing ("wouldn't be right for me") or a wider principle ("isn't right, period")?

The thing to understand is that some or even many poly people may well agree with you that kissing is sacred and should only be shared with someone you love (personally I'm ok with casual makeouts, but we have a range of folks here). They just believe you can genuinely and deeply love more than one person without lessening or degrading the sacredness involved. Most mono people also agree that you can love more than one person, thus serial dating and remarriage after death or divorce. They just object to loving more than one person at a time, finding it either unrealistic or immoral or both for reasons that generally escape those of us who have found that it does, in fact, work for us and our loved ones.
 
Hmm, I guess I'm a kissing slut. I love kissing, I still make out with my girlfriends from high school (you know the besties that you would have girls night out with - not dating type girlfriends) when they come to town. I love making out AND intimate kissing equally, so no, I don't have a rule against kissing my other lovers. I'd miss it too much. My girlfriend isn't a big kisser, she warned us of that when the relationship started, but since then, I've gotten a few kisses out of her. :) But what I don't get from her, my husband and boyfriend more than make up for.
 
I find this premise totally ridiculous if you actually understand what poly is -- loving relationships with multiple people. To love someone and not be allowed to kiss them would be torture to me. If you're not comfortable with a partner sharing intimacy with another, don't date someone poly.

Torture sounds about right. I think the OP is definitely talking about swinging. I can't imagine having a loving relationship and not being allowed to kiss them...I'm not even sure I could have sex without kissing at all.
 
I'm ok with the kissing long before I'm ok with sex. For me, sex without kissing screams "sex with strangers" which kind of creeps me out. Not to even mention just the idea of putting that kind of restrictions on a relationship. ie. "You can be best friends, but never ride in the same car together" WTF
 
I wouldn't be ok with a restriction like that. Firstly I'm not entirely sure how you get to sex without kissing, it's kind of a pre-requisite for me. I think without it I would feel like a hired body rather than a sex partner. Secondly personally I'd be much more comfortable with a restriction of no sex rather than of no kissing. Kissing can be a very bonding experience, it can also be fun and playful and it's something that you can do publicly to show that you care about someone. Sex without intimacy is uncomfortable for many poly people. Our relationships are based around love and depth, not just a quick roll in the hay. (Although a quick roll in the hay can be fun too ;))
 
i completely agree derby,

that would take away the connection element and just make it a one night stand with no emotions attached. I love to kiss, i think its a very passionate and bonding experience. but that's just my two cents
 
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Well I kinda like the question as I live in a relationship where kissing is off the table in regards to one of my boyfriends for the same reasons. This was a boundary of my mono boyfriend. So I am not at all surprised about the topic of this discussion. I laughed out loud actually.

This "rule" has recently changed however now that there is some comfort, a sense of not being able to control what I do anyway, and because I have decided that its time to move on some how. The attempt at creating that "rule" and yes it was a rule, was not going to work for the rest of my life. I have done my work around it and am ready to see if I have changed as a result.... that means the rule has to go.

I would like to know what you are anti about also. To me that is the more interesting question. Care to explain?

By the way. A half hour wait on getting response to posts is too short to start saying "anyone?" If no one responds its because they aren't interested, no one has read it yet or people are offended or confused. Give it time, usually SOMEONE responds... as you have seen by now antipoly.
 
Well I kinda like the question as I live in a relationship where kissing is off the table in regards to one of my boyfriends for the same reasons. This was a boundary of my mono boyfriend. So I am not at all surprised about the topic of this discussion. I laughed out loud actually.

This "rule" has recently changed however now that there is some comfort, a sense of not being able to control what I do anyway, and because I have decided that its time to move on some how. The attempt at creating that "rule" and yes it was a rule, was not going to work for the rest of my life. I have done my work around it and am ready to see if I have changed as a result.... that means the rule has to go.

I would like to know what you are anti about also. To me that is the more interesting question. Care to explain?

By the way. A half hour wait on getting response to posts is too short to start saying "anyone?" If no one responds its because they aren't interested, no one has read it yet or people are offended or confused. Give it time, usually SOMEONE responds... as you have seen by now antipoly.

Glad to see I'm not the only one who views kissing as more sacred and intimate than sex. I thought I was a weirdo lol. As for why I am anti-poly, I am anti-poly because I believe it denotes romantic love and takes away the "specialness of it" what made romantic love stronger than any other type of love was precisely because it was reserved just for one person. Now with this whole Poly thing, people are making romantic love on the same level as platonic and family love and I just hate that there's no longer a "special" love anymore.

Also to everyone else that was wondering, I am no troll, I am just genuinely curious on this topic.
 
Poly people do not make romantic love "on the same level" as platonic love or family love, whatever that means. It's also strange to me that you are on this board and want to tell the people on it that their relationships are not special.

If you were truly curious, you would be asking questions and genuinely trying to understand, instead of barging over, claiming you don't like people who are different from you and demanding they explain themselves.

If you really "hate" poly, then don't do it...? :)
 
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