I apologize in advance if I am a little scattered. Its hard to get all of my thoughts on the same page right now.
My husband and I made a choice earlier this year to begin a poly relationship. I had put it on the table for him to explore his own sexuality and interests he had outside of our marriage. I had no issue with staying mono with him while he explored a bit. He insisted that he wanted it to be completely open (both of us seeking partners) because otherwise he wouldn't feel comfortable enough to explore. So we made the choice together to move forward with this lifestyle. We set some boundaries and had alot of very thorough discussions about how we would proceed. We each found partners quickly (part of the stress for him is how fast it happened). His partner ended up being a very short lived sexual relationship and has already ended. Mine is with a woman that Ive grown very connected with.
My husband has not pursued a new partner. At this point he feels he could not allow himself to emotionally connect with anyone but me. I feel bad at times because Ive already connected so strongly with my girlfriend. He sometimes puts the pressure on me to break up with her and go back to our mono life, but at this point I just CANT. I have to remind myself that we made this choice together. His feelings may have changed but the choice we made together doesn't change.
I'm endlessly patient with him. Reminding him that I love him as much as I always have. Reassuring him that he fulfills my needs, when he wonders if she has "something" that he cant give me. I remind him that the reason I started this relationship was because he gave me the green light to be emotionally available to someone else. He gets so lost in his own feelings that I think he forgets that both my girlfriend and I are emotionally invested in this process as well!
I dont know how to guide him through this alone I try to do what is right, but its not ONLY about him. I need to share my time between them and make sure they both know they are valued parts of my life.
I feel like his way of "feeling better" is to pull in the reigns and try to control my relationship with her. He said that the more often I see her the more opportunities Im having to emotionally connect with her. That he is more comfortable if I dont see her as often. Its hard to accept those types of controlling actions.
Im not sure how to allow us all to negotiate healthy boundaries without letting his emotions take over our decision making. We occasionally get so frustrated with the situation and his outbursts of jealousy that we talk about ending our marriage. At the end of these heated discussions we acknowledge that we still love one another and want to do the hard work it will take to make our marriage and poly lifestyle work. But it feels like Im putting in the hard work and he is just feeling sorry for himself. Can someone help me? I feel lost and I dont know where to go from here....
My husband and I made a choice earlier this year to begin a poly relationship. I had put it on the table for him to explore his own sexuality and interests he had outside of our marriage. I had no issue with staying mono with him while he explored a bit. He insisted that he wanted it to be completely open (both of us seeking partners) because otherwise he wouldn't feel comfortable enough to explore. So we made the choice together to move forward with this lifestyle. We set some boundaries and had alot of very thorough discussions about how we would proceed. We each found partners quickly (part of the stress for him is how fast it happened). His partner ended up being a very short lived sexual relationship and has already ended. Mine is with a woman that Ive grown very connected with.
My husband has not pursued a new partner. At this point he feels he could not allow himself to emotionally connect with anyone but me. I feel bad at times because Ive already connected so strongly with my girlfriend. He sometimes puts the pressure on me to break up with her and go back to our mono life, but at this point I just CANT. I have to remind myself that we made this choice together. His feelings may have changed but the choice we made together doesn't change.
I'm endlessly patient with him. Reminding him that I love him as much as I always have. Reassuring him that he fulfills my needs, when he wonders if she has "something" that he cant give me. I remind him that the reason I started this relationship was because he gave me the green light to be emotionally available to someone else. He gets so lost in his own feelings that I think he forgets that both my girlfriend and I are emotionally invested in this process as well!
I dont know how to guide him through this alone I try to do what is right, but its not ONLY about him. I need to share my time between them and make sure they both know they are valued parts of my life.
I feel like his way of "feeling better" is to pull in the reigns and try to control my relationship with her. He said that the more often I see her the more opportunities Im having to emotionally connect with her. That he is more comfortable if I dont see her as often. Its hard to accept those types of controlling actions.
Im not sure how to allow us all to negotiate healthy boundaries without letting his emotions take over our decision making. We occasionally get so frustrated with the situation and his outbursts of jealousy that we talk about ending our marriage. At the end of these heated discussions we acknowledge that we still love one another and want to do the hard work it will take to make our marriage and poly lifestyle work. But it feels like Im putting in the hard work and he is just feeling sorry for himself. Can someone help me? I feel lost and I dont know where to go from here....