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-   -   Hello everyone (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=50893)

jlbrickler 07-29-2013 12:03 AM

Hello everyone
Hello my name is Leigh, I am new to polyamory and to posting on forums so please be patient with me I am really not sure what to do exactly.

I am currently married and have been so for almost 4 years, our anniversary is actually about to come around in August. It has not been the happiest of marriages and there have been many indiscretions on his part but we have been working hard to get through those things because we truly love each other. now that we are on the right track to getting to "normal" again and I use that term loosely, he has opened up to me and asked me to consider another way of life.
Before anyone jumps in to tell me I may be out of my league, he and I met and dated with an open relationship and only closed it because of marriage and what we thought we had to do to be "normal".

During a time when he was cheating he found a lovely lady who is into polyamory and they really hit it off, she was under the impression I knew and was furious when she found out I didn't. She and I have now become friends and she wants to work on the three of us learning to live together and a poly group.
I am open to the idea but lies from the past and feelings of inadequacy and jealousy have me scared to take this leap which is why I am here. I want to figure out what to expect and if this is something I want (don't worry I know every one is different and I don't want to be told what to do) I just need a place to feel safe enough to ask stupid questions and release some fears and hear some third party feedback. This isn't exactly a topic you ask your mom about as you are growing up.

Anyway hello world and everyone on here... I look forward to reading a lot and learning a lot from people much wiser than me.

GalaGirl 07-29-2013 05:15 AM

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I don't know if this could help you.


Before ven getting to a place of dating him and his cheating partner? You have a lot of marriage healing work to do first -- not just form this affair but from all the ones before too. Sigh. :(


kdt26417 07-29-2013 08:01 PM

Hi Leigh,
Welcome to our forum.

You might enjoy our Life stories and blogs board, it gives many examples of how poly works in different people's lives, and what works and doesn't work.

You may be able to try a poly arrangement, but perhaps some counseling would help (from a poly-friendly counselor). Feelings of inadequacy are hard to contend with.

As for jealousy, try these links:

Let us discuss the greeneye monster shall we?
How to slay the greeneyed beastie.

Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, Etc.
How do you achieve compersion?

The Theory of Jealousy Management
The Practice of Jealousy Management

Jealousy and the Poly Family
Kathy Labriola: Unmasking the Green-Eyed Monster
Brené Brown: the Power of Vulnerability

Hope this helps.
Kevin T.

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