Greetings pinkdaisy,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.
Are you on equal footing with your boyfriend's wife? Do they live closeby? Is there any talk of you moving in with them, becoming part of their family?
We live in a very monogamy-centric world and are taught/trained to believe that if someone has a second partner besides me, then there must be something wrong with me. This is not quite it. It is more a matter of Homo sapiens having a tendency to be in love with more than one person at a time. It is just something that our species does. We like the variety, and we like the intense sense of community.
A good book that goes into depth on this topic is "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. It's a good book; you should consider investing in it. It challenges many of the assumptions that modern wisdom makes about the sexual limitations humans supposedly have. And while I'll generally agree that many humans are probably best-suited for monogamy, I'll also suggest that many humans are probably better-suited for non-monogamy -- that this human inclination is profoundly underestimated in these modern times.
So, try not to think of your boyfriend as having eyes for his wife because "you're not enough for him." I suppose it would be technically more accurate to say that "no one person would 'be enough' for him," but more accurate still would be to say that he is just falling (has fallen) in love with multiple (two in this case) persons, which is what humans tend to do. It sounds odd to state that, but I believe it's true.
Have a look at the various threads and boards we have to offer, and keep posting your thoughts, questions, and concerns, whether they be new or just the same old ones that haunt you. Sometimes a listening ear is the best help you can get, but there is a lot of collective experience to tap into here too.
I usually follow the intro board pretty well so I'll have an eye on this thread and will be ready to help in any way I can. Others will chip in too I'm sure.
I hope your struggles will get easier.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"
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