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-   -   Seeking empathy with new partners. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3019)

Ariakas 06-21-2010 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpcrazy (Post 33196)
when you put it so ugly...jeez. replace fuck with love. Or even take the sentence out seeing as how I'm pretty sure it doesn't usually go down like that. At least, not for me anyway.

He was explaining the point from a "monos" viewpoint when a newly discovered poly partner, is going out for a newly founded pairing.

Imagine how the mono wife would feel when the poly husband is going on a first date or second or third...I doubt very much they are thinking they are going out to "love" someone. Fuck was appropriate imho :)

Wow can I make that sound any more clinical and boring....

MonoVCPHG 06-21-2010 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpcrazy (Post 33196)
when you put it so ugly...jeez. replace fuck with love. Or even take the sentence out seeing as how I'm pretty sure it doesn't usually go down like that. At least, not for me anyway.

I meant no disrespect RPCrazy, but the thing is no matter how it is presented, to most mono partners it is going to come down to the visual of thier partner fucking somone else. If they don't get over that blunt sweaty physical aspect of it then they will probably have a hard time being fully happy.

I am merely trying to put it as bluntly as it would probably hit any monos heart and mind. There is beauty in multiple relationships for some, but that beauty is not seen/desired or possible for everyone. To some it is an "ugly" thing.

No person should live in self denial from anything healthy. I would imagine denying being poly is like being crushed, but I would assume that a mono hearing that their previously monogamous partner needs/wants to be intimate with others is like getting hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. In fact I can speak with some experience on this as my ex-wife once explored bringing a woman into her life. I have changed a lot since then but the feeling will never be forgotten.

Again, no disrespect intended my friend.

NeonKaos 06-21-2010 04:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 33207)
I meant no disrespect RPCrazy, but the thing is no matter how it is presented, to most mono partners it is going to come down to the visual of thier partner fucking somone else. If they don't get over that blunt sweaty physical aspect of it then they will probably have a hard time being fully happy.

To some, "fuck" is an "ugly" word. To some, "fuck" is just a word. I refer to having sex with my husband as "fucking" and that does not make it an "ugly" thing. Just because this forum is about "polyamory" and "polyamory" is about "love" doesn't mean that we are all required to use "nice" terms like "making love" when it comes to talking about "having sex". "Fucking" does not equal "ugly" and polyamorous individuals can go out and "get laid" just like anyone else.

rpcrazy 06-21-2010 05:06 PM

I don't mind the word, i use it daily. I guess my point was simply when you say "he/she's out fucking somebody else!" It kind of dumbs down what's really going on, and makes the whole scene ugly, semantics aside...Like i said, it doesn't usually go down like that. Despite what you're "thinking". It's a flawed logic that leads insecurities...or vice versa.

NeonKaos 06-21-2010 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rpcrazy (Post 33222)
I don't mind the word, i use it daily. I guess my point was simply when you say "he/she's out fucking somebody else!" It kind of dumbs down what's really going on, and makes the whole scene ugly, semantics aside...Like i said, it doesn't usually go down like that. Despite what you're "thinking". It's a flawed logic that leads insecurities...or vice versa.

OK. In both of your posts about this, it does sound like you're saying that "fucking" carries a negative connotation. In both of your posts, you do equate "fucking" with "ugly". "Ugly" usually carries a negative connotation.
I'm not sure what you mean by "it doesn't usually go down like that".

What's "it"?

What's "go down"?

What's "like that"?

These are such generic, nondescript terms, they have no meaning when it comes to ascribing quality to a word, such as "fucking".

If you mean, for example, that "a polyamorous lifestyle is not all about going out and having as much sex as you can with whoever will spread their legs and get naked at the first opportunity" equals "fucking", then yes,it CAN "go down like that" and that certainly carries an "ugly" sentiment for some people. But if that is what you meant, then say so.

If by "fucking" one is referring to the likely scenario that one partner will end up having consensual coitus or oral sex with another human in the course of a caring relationship, it can also "go down like that" and carries a not-so-ugly sentiment for some people.

There are other contexts in which the acts of sex may be described as "fucking" and the way these acts are undertaken can be "ugly" to some people's sensibilities and not so "ugly" to other people's sensibilities.

I would venture that a monogamously-oriented person might consider the idea of their partner "making love" with another partner to be "ugly", regardless of how the events leading up to the act of consummation were to "go down", and also regardless of the terminology used to describe.

Morningglory629 06-21-2010 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YGirl (Post 33226)
OK. In both of your posts about this, it does sound like you're saying that "fucking" carries a negative connotation. In both of your posts, you do equate "fucking" with "ugly". "Ugly" usually carries a negative connotation.
I'm not sure what you mean by "it doesn't usually go down like that".

What's "it"?

What's "go down"?

What's "like that"?

These are such generic, nondescript terms, they have no meaning when it comes to ascribing quality to a word, such as "fucking".

If you mean, for example, that "a polyamorous lifestyle is not all about going out and having as much sex as you can with whoever will spread their legs and get naked at the first opportunity" equals "fucking", then yes,it CAN "go down like that" and that certainly carries an "ugly" sentiment for some people. But if that is what you meant, then say so.

If by "fucking" one is referring to the likely scenario that one partner will end up having consensual coitus or oral sex with another human in the course of a caring relationship, it can also "go down like that" and carries a not-so-ugly sentiment for some people.

There are other contexts in which the acts of sex may be described as "fucking" and the way these acts are undertaken can be "ugly" to some people's sensibilities and not so "ugly" to other people's sensibilities.

I would venture that a monogamously-oriented person might consider the idea of their partner "making love" with another partner to be "ugly", regardless of how the events leading up to the act of consummation were to "go down", and also regardless of the terminology used to describe.

Beautiful clarification! Nothing ugly about it except that "greedy" thing popping up again Mono!;)

SourGirl 06-21-2010 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 33199)

Wow can I make that sound any more clinical and boring....

*munches popcorn*,...Well,..I don`t neccessarily know about that, but I do know the nights I can`t rip-a-piece off my man of 10 years, I`ll come read these threads, to help get over being horny. :D

NAUGHTY SUPERJAST !!!!

Ariakas 06-21-2010 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superjast (Post 33232)
*munches popcorn*,...Well,..I don`t neccessarily know about that, but I do know the nights I can`t rip-a-piece off my man of 10 years, I`ll come read these threads, to help get over being horny. :D

NAUGHTY SUPERJAST !!!!

*munches Superjasts popcorn*...hmmmm well played.. :p

rpcrazy 06-21-2010 06:46 PM

you made me "post reply" instead of a quick reply now...lol

the original quote I was replaying to was
Quote:

I'll go out on a limb here and say that the source of the uphill battle is that the mono persons partner is not going out for drinks with friends..they are going out to fuck someone. Huge difference.
I replied with
Quote:

when you put it so ugly...jeez. replace fuck with love. Or even take the sentence out seeing as how I'm pretty sure it doesn't usually go down like that. At least, not for me anyway. I don't mind the word, i use it daily. I guess my point was simply when you say "he/she's out fucking somebody else!" It kind of dumbs down what's really going on, and makes the whole scene ugly, semantics aside...Like i said, it doesn't usually go down like that. Despite what you're "thinking". It's a flawed logic that leads insecurities...or vice versa.
So to clarify.
1. I don't really think the word fuck is ugly. I feel his statement was ugly when put in context of uphill mono battles. Also, I was not offended, but thank for you apologizing anyway mono, you're way too nice.
2. I understand that he was writing in a "mono" frame of a mind, but that's exactly what i'm disagreeing with.
3. I understand that there are all sorts of poly arrangements and casual sex preferences for people.

What I was trying to say was that this type of thought has no rational place in the context of the original statement. "It doesn't usually go down like that" meaning when you're out with your friends, your partner is NOT fucking theirs or whoever they are out with romantically. His statement was made in a general sense. So, in general, I feel such an ugly statement isn't correctly reflective of what's really happening in general, or in most situations. If you're not thinking about what's really happening, then it's not the truth. Sure, some people are like that and only have fuck buddies and the like, or just have all sorts of crazy sex. But from my experience most poly people aren't even close to being that liberal with their naughty bits. Fuck, not even I am, and I've been called a slut copious amounts of times from people I don't even know that well.

When my g/f's ex was commenting on us being out while he was at home he would say, "all I can think about is you two fucking". and i'm sure he was visual since we had numerous 4-somes and 3-somes before that. But the same logic i'm applying to mono's comment is the same ideal I applied in that situation. Why is such an ugly thought running through your head, when you don't even know what's happening. And the truth of the matter is, most of the time he was thinking about that, we were probably playing games or WOW at my house, or just out having fun.

@ygirl
Quote:

There are other contexts in which the acts of sex may be described as "fucking" and the way these acts are undertaken can be "ugly" to some people's sensibilities and not so "ugly" to other people's sensibilities.
I completely agree with everything you said, but again, this isn't a semantics argument...what I said was just taken out of context. Thank you for clarification though :)

idealist 06-21-2010 11:35 PM

1 Attachment(s)
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 33072)
It also leaves me wondering, how many poly identified people go poly because of that dependency. They do it as a fantasy or escape from being the "one and only"...thats a craptastic amount of pressure to put on one person.

omg.....I love that word!! Craptastic !!! so true also !!

Quote:

Why can't there be a sliding scale of poly/mono. I know someone threw one up here a while ago...but the gist would be like kinsey (I think it was idealist)...a scale 1 to 6 1 being mono and 6 being poly. It might help people understand a potential transition and or, where they fit in.
I attached it to this post!!


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