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-   -   Feeling a little deflated... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4226)

MrDreadful 11-15-2010 11:22 PM

Feeling a little deflated...
A few times now I've mentioned a lass referred to on these forums as B (and prevouisly #1 Crush)... there's been various emails and online chats and I really like talking to her and, well, I really like her... and I told Mrs. D about this a little while back and now it's all kind of grinding to a halt.

Mrs. D says she won't know whether she'll truly be okay with my dating B without it actually happening and then assessing her feelings... but I don't feel I can ask B out without Mrs. D being able to honestly say she's okay with it. Stalemate. :( Not sure where to go from here.

MyNameIsMaam 11-15-2010 11:29 PM

I have had the rug pulled out from under me before. It's not fun. The wife said she was ok with it. We talked repeatedly over time about it. She invited me to vacation with them to prove it. Then had one meltdown after another about it.

None of us speak anymore. It's sad.

Jodi 11-15-2010 11:37 PM

it sounds like mrs. d is giving u the go ahead, to go out on a date w/ ur lass. mb if u tell mrs. d what u two discussed & how it went, she'll feel more comfortable. u don't have to tell in detail the whole convo, but just generally. hope it works out for you.

wifey 11-15-2010 11:38 PM

Have you talked to B about what D has said?

Jade 11-15-2010 11:41 PM

She can't promise you she'll be okay with everything, and honestly, it's unreasonable to hope for that. Baby steps.

MrDreadful 11-16-2010 05:43 PM


Originally Posted by wifey (Post 52662)
Have you talked to B about what D has said?

Right now, I don't even know whether B is aware of my feelings for her... we chat (a lot), we flirt (a bit) but I haven't said anything directly.


Originally Posted by Jade (Post 52663)
She can't promise you she'll be okay with everything, and honestly, it's unreasonable to hope for that. Baby steps.

I know, just a little frustration creeping in there I think... as you say, baby steps.
Going to try and talk to Mrs. D about it tonight.

MrDreadful 11-16-2010 10:33 PM

Feeling rather better about the whole thing... did a lot of thinking last night due to waking up at 0430 and not being able to get back to sleep*. At one time I'd've got myself all twisted in knots by 0500 with worst-case-scenarios and other irrationalities but I was Very Sensible about it and know how I want to approach this (slowly, carefully, ask B to join me for tea rather than going straight for the hot date... something I suspect we'd both enjoy more anyway... try to have no set expectations of what will happen, etc.). Very briefly spoke to Mrs. D this evening and I'm going to leave it a while longer before raising the subject again... currently stressed out with my employers' inability to actually pay me so probably not the best time to be trying to seriously discuss this anyway.

*Now that I wear contact lenses almost all the time (monthly disposable, leave in all night type things) I have discovered a brand new horror associated with the common cold: waking up with not only a painfully blocked nose but eyes liberally streaming sticky fluid.

Jodi 11-17-2010 06:35 AM

sounds like u r handling the situation rationally. hope it works out even better than you expect!

take the contacts out every night. my eye dr. told my teenage son, the eyes need to breath. feel better.

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