Polyamory.com Forum

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Tapahtyn 04-15-2011 08:28 PM

just wanted to introduce myself. I'm 33 happily married to my soul mate, but we both went through what we'd now call a polyamory relationship last yr. I need your help in maybe understanding where we went wrong. I look forward to learning more and actually have found a high school friend who is currently in a polyamory relationship to talk to!

My name is tarantula in russia, you pronounce it by rolling the r's :)

Met a lesbian last year while at another job and just started out as friends even though she had a crush. My husband and I found out how wonderful of a person she really was and I was falling in love with my first female girlfriend. We did everything together and her and I could totally be goofy around each other and she thought my husband was a great person. During last summer, we kinda maybe rushed into it in the fact we didn't have husband and wife time, so we just wanted to be friends. She ended up getting into a bad relationship for 8 months with a controlling girl. She showed back up and I cried telling how we all missed her sooooo much. Now she says she's not ready for a relationship and needs her space. I just don't want to lose her again, she expressed how much she had missed us too but after 2 weeks of hanging out again she's become distant. Sorry to ramble but my heart is broken and my husband knows this. He is very comforting on the situation but we don't know what to make of it :(

AutumnalTone 04-16-2011 05:56 PM

Welcome aboard.

If she just got out of a serious relationshp, she'll need time to grieve. I supect if you remain available and she's truly interested in you, she'll come around.

As for dealing with the pain...there's the tricky part. The only way I've found to handle that is to make certain I fully accept that the other person may never actually want me and that particular relationship won't ever happen. Once I've accepted that as an outcome, the pain subsides.

Tapahtyn 04-16-2011 08:09 PM

thanks for the insight, we did find out that she is gonna try and make things work with her girlfriend, I just don't undertand how she could just jump back into our lives for 2 weeks and make herself available and then all of the sudden completely shut me off again. Anyway, I look forward to getting to know some of you and thanks for the support.

girlpatrol 04-16-2011 08:40 PM

Welcome aboard!

I'm going to echo AutumnalTone's post. Talk to her, but don't pressure her. Keep your spouse in the loop. Getting out of a serious relationship and directly into another can be an emotional storm. It's just not possible to switch feelings on and off. There's a process involved and it can take days, weeks, months, or even years - but I don't know you or her enough to know anything about she handles her emotions or how you handle yours. Best I can suggest is that you try to exercise patience and understanding, and let her come back around in her own time, if indeed that's what she wants to do.

Good luck :)

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