River |
07-29-2009 09:40 PM |
Quote:
Originally Posted by distraughtinNJ
(Post 3454)
I do love him but also feel that he is not going to be monogamous with me then I am not enough for him or........I don't know.
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All of the further details help us a lot to offer informed suggestions. Thanks!
First item: I feel (and think) that you need to spend some time exploring your enculturation in the popular conception of what love is. Apparently, up to now, you've simply lived with the "default conception" of love, which is the common assumption that loving more than one person means there's less love going on, and anything other than the dyadic model of love ("Just the two of us") amounts to "cheating. Period, end of story". Polyamorists don't buy into this myth of love, and most of us actually know that it is simply FALSE. It is perfectly possible for a person to love two or more people fully at the same time. That's a fact, and you have to discover whether or not you can accept such love into your life. That said, not all people claiming to be "polyamorous" are capable of loving two or more people, fully, at the same time. So you have to find out whether you think your partner is one of those, and can do that with you.
Quote:
I know one of my biggest problems is that I am worried about what everyone (friends, strangers, family) will think I am involved in this.
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As a man who has had only two long term love relationships, both with men, I'm quite familiar with the challenge of which you speak -- since same-sex love is another variety of love which many people don't understand or approve of. That said, I'd encourage you to have courage... and to worry less about other people's ignorant presumptions of superiority, etc. Find the couragious tiger in yourself, I'd say. Be strong. Don't let other people's ignorance dictate your options in life. It's YOUR life, afer all, which you must live.
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