gwendolenthefair
New member
My much-loved boyfriend of two and a half years dumped me three months ago. The story behind that is as follows. He and I were already having some issues, had for months, and I was trying very hard to get our relationship back on track. I thought we were doing better. Then he told me a preposterous-sounding story about some unnamed person or people gossiping about us, in order to manipulate me into never talking about our relationship, even anonymously, in an online forum. His other girlfriend, who had once been a close friend of mine (until she alienated me by basically telling me that she was the more important of his two partners), objected to me doing such, because what I had done was post about how she was trying to get him to dump me in a forum I am very active in. Although I never named names or even IDs, I was accused of "dragging her name through the mud" and he pleaded with me to stop posting about her and about him. (By the way, he had ADMITTED to me that she wanted him to dump me.)
Anyway, I objected to the attempted manipulation of me, and told him that his story of gossip didn't ring true, especially when he refused to tell me who the perpetrators were. And then he told me another version of the story a couple of weeks later. And then yet another one a couple of weeks after that. At that point, my husband (who was getting pretty angry watching me get jerked around like that), and I both sat down with him, impressed upon him the fact that I needed honesty and transparency about what had really happened, if anything, that his credibility was shot to hell because his story kept changing, and, if he had made up the whole thing, I needed him to come clean, and I'd try to forgive him. Three days later he dumped me in an email, and cut off contact. I have been struggling a lot since with the pain and betrayal of the breakup, I even re-entered therapy over it.
I have moved on as much as I can, and I'm even dating someone new, which feels good. I still miss my ex every day of my life. He was my best friend too, probably the closest friendship I have ever had outside my husband. However, he has made it clear that he wants no contact, and I've respected that, mostly because I felt I had no choice anyway.
We move in some of the same social circles as my ex and his girlfriend, mostly because I introduced my ex and the girlfriend to MY friends and acquaintances, in happier times. The very DAY after he dumped me, she dragged him to a potluck dinner that I had already RSVPed to before he dumped me (they hadn't). It was very uncomfortable for me, but I showed up because I felt that it was enough that she had wrecked my relationship with him, she wasn't wrecking my social life too.
I noticed about a week ago that a mutual friend (not a close friend, just someone I know from poly social events) had unfriended me on Facebook. I have not seen or had any communication with this woman since my breakup. I emailed and asked her why she had unfriended me. She wrote back immediately, blamed a "Facebook glitch," and refriended me. I was a bit skeptical, but pretended to believe her.
My husband and I are throwing a big barbecue this Sunday. We invited a couple we know from a poly group, who are also friendly with my ex and his girlfriend. We have not seen these people since my breakup, and I have never discussed my relationships with either of them. They did not RSVP, even after being sent an Evite reminder. I noticed at this point that although I had the female in the couple as my Facebook friend, I did not have the man, so I initiated a friend request. He had always been very friendly and nice to me in person, and I've known both of them for a couple of years through the group. I wrote, asking if they were going to attend, and saying that I hoped they had a nice summer and we'd love to see them. He wrote back an incredibly cold response thanking me for the invite and saying that they weren't coming. AND he didn't friend me back either.
I can't be certain, but it is looking like my ex's girlfriend is trying to sabotage me socially. While it makes me think less of these people that they would even let their behavior be affected by the rantings of a jealous cowgirl, I still want to be able to go to local poly social events and be able to TALK to people who are not my close friends.
What can I do?
Anyway, I objected to the attempted manipulation of me, and told him that his story of gossip didn't ring true, especially when he refused to tell me who the perpetrators were. And then he told me another version of the story a couple of weeks later. And then yet another one a couple of weeks after that. At that point, my husband (who was getting pretty angry watching me get jerked around like that), and I both sat down with him, impressed upon him the fact that I needed honesty and transparency about what had really happened, if anything, that his credibility was shot to hell because his story kept changing, and, if he had made up the whole thing, I needed him to come clean, and I'd try to forgive him. Three days later he dumped me in an email, and cut off contact. I have been struggling a lot since with the pain and betrayal of the breakup, I even re-entered therapy over it.
I have moved on as much as I can, and I'm even dating someone new, which feels good. I still miss my ex every day of my life. He was my best friend too, probably the closest friendship I have ever had outside my husband. However, he has made it clear that he wants no contact, and I've respected that, mostly because I felt I had no choice anyway.
We move in some of the same social circles as my ex and his girlfriend, mostly because I introduced my ex and the girlfriend to MY friends and acquaintances, in happier times. The very DAY after he dumped me, she dragged him to a potluck dinner that I had already RSVPed to before he dumped me (they hadn't). It was very uncomfortable for me, but I showed up because I felt that it was enough that she had wrecked my relationship with him, she wasn't wrecking my social life too.
I noticed about a week ago that a mutual friend (not a close friend, just someone I know from poly social events) had unfriended me on Facebook. I have not seen or had any communication with this woman since my breakup. I emailed and asked her why she had unfriended me. She wrote back immediately, blamed a "Facebook glitch," and refriended me. I was a bit skeptical, but pretended to believe her.
My husband and I are throwing a big barbecue this Sunday. We invited a couple we know from a poly group, who are also friendly with my ex and his girlfriend. We have not seen these people since my breakup, and I have never discussed my relationships with either of them. They did not RSVP, even after being sent an Evite reminder. I noticed at this point that although I had the female in the couple as my Facebook friend, I did not have the man, so I initiated a friend request. He had always been very friendly and nice to me in person, and I've known both of them for a couple of years through the group. I wrote, asking if they were going to attend, and saying that I hoped they had a nice summer and we'd love to see them. He wrote back an incredibly cold response thanking me for the invite and saying that they weren't coming. AND he didn't friend me back either.
I can't be certain, but it is looking like my ex's girlfriend is trying to sabotage me socially. While it makes me think less of these people that they would even let their behavior be affected by the rantings of a jealous cowgirl, I still want to be able to go to local poly social events and be able to TALK to people who are not my close friends.
What can I do?
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