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-   -   Better to Love and lost? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3651)

TL4everu2 09-04-2010 12:10 PM

Better to Love and lost?
 
Anyone who says "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", has never been in love. :(

Livingmybestlife 09-04-2010 01:45 PM

I was deeply in love with someone. They went a different path. I was hurt and felt pain. I now look back on my time with good memories. I didn't need to make them a villian.

I have also hurt someone. They without contact or letting me know moved 6 states and showed up on my doorstep with all these expectations. I wasn't able to return them. Hadn't heard from this guy in over a year and he was very hurt and became bitter over the situation. I still have wonderful memories of our time togather. I am glad we had them. I feel sad things ended between us the way they did.

Quath 09-04-2010 02:42 PM

I once had a friend who lived near a Native American. He told her that being in love is to put a star into the sky. Even when the love falls apart, the star is still there as extra light to all others walking in the night.

That story helped me a little during a bad breakup. I still hurt for a long time, but I realize that my love had changed me. And if I had not loved that person, I would not be who I am today.

Honestheart 09-04-2010 02:43 PM

When love is lost, it is indeed painful. especially when the feelings linger. but whenit comes to love i like to think of it like Garth Brooks song the dance
"I could have missed the pain
But I'd of had to miss the dance "
those memories hurt for now, but i promise from personal experience...eventually...they will keep your heart warm instead of causing u pain.

keep dancing my fellow heartbroken person....

SourGirl 09-04-2010 03:04 PM

Quath, I really like that . Sums up my feelings almost to a T.

Thanks for sharing that. :)

GroundedSpirit 09-04-2010 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quath (Post 42984)
I once had a friend who lived near a Native American. He told her that being in love is to put a star into the sky. Even when the love falls apart, the star is still there as extra light to all others walking in the night.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Simple but poignant wisdom ! Thanks for sharing this :)

Love is never lost - only posession - and as in the Native traditions, the giving & sharing represent the true value.

GS

MindfulAgony 09-06-2010 03:40 AM

The person who can say "it is better to love and lost than to never had loved at all" is a person speaking with great wisdom - based on a wider perspective. When we're in pain, our world - our vision - becomes very narrow. We can't see much beyond our pain. As the pain subsides, we can send the broader perspective and fully appreciate the joy that love bought into your life. Waiting for that perspective can feel like a lifetime too long, but it comes.

This is all assuming that it was really love and not insecure attachment. With love there is a measure of joy that gets shared that can be re-enjoyed with broader perspective. With insecure attachment, the loss just reinforces our fears and sends us further down the rabbit hole.

redpepper 09-06-2010 07:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quath (Post 42984)
I once had a friend who lived near a Native American. He told her that being in love is to put a star into the sky. Even when the love falls apart, the star is still there as extra light to all others walking in the night.

That story helped me a little during a bad breakup. I still hurt for a long time, but I realize that my love had changed me. And if I had not loved that person, I would not be who I am today.

That's beautiful and gives hope to me. Thank you.

MonoVCPHG 09-06-2010 08:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TL4everu2 (Post 42977)
Anyone who says "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", has never been in love. :(

I think this is a good statement for anyone who has loved and not hurt the one they loved.

I believe that some people would have been better off never being loved by me at all. In return, I believe it would have been better to have not loved them at all.

Losing some one you love is far less painful than hurting some one you love.

The brighter the star I was, the bigger the black hole I left behind...I doubt if there's much twinkle left in the skies of those I hurt....but that gives me something to strive for :o

Magdlyn 09-06-2010 12:52 PM

"It is better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life." ;)


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