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-   -   Prying open a partially-open relationship? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=69388)

SkeertAquarian 04-23-2014 08:43 PM

Hi again
Feel the need to update although there isn't anything to update. Here I am a month later and still haven't said anything. Spent a lot if time examining my emotions and motivations and talking to some friends about everything. Pretty much decided that it's not just a desire for Friend that is pushing me - I really have seen polyamory as a viable lifestyle for me for a long time. So I guess I'm ok with my end of things but still afraid to broach subject.

And that's all.

Amanita 04-24-2014 09:02 AM

What are you afraid will happen if you do broach the subject?

Magdlyn 04-24-2014 01:36 PM

When my ex and I first opened our marriage (after 20 years of monogamy), we were unicorn hunters first, same stupid mistake so many make. We found a woman who seemed interested in being in relationship with both of us, and my husband thought that was the best of both worlds... I got to explore my bisexuality, he got to be with 2 women at once, a fantasy come true. He didn't want me to explore my hetero side though, with any man, oh no!

But the way it came down was, the woman we found was really only interested in him. They fell in love, they declared themselves soul mates. And even though I had made some noises about how his OPP was sexist and hypocritical, he didn't agree with that until SHE told him she also thought it was stupid! Because of course the word of new and shiny chick was more valid than that of his wife of 20 years...:rolleyes:

Cheekybean666 04-25-2014 08:16 AM

Why not ease him into it?
Hi SkeertAquarian.

Surely it's worth broaching the subject with him? If this is important to you, I agree with the previous comments that you need to have faith in your relationship and open up with him. See what he says. You'll never know if you don't raise the idea.

Why not try easing your husband into it over a period of time? Perhaps start with finding a couple that would like to play with you both (and make sure the woman will appeal to him). If he can be in the room with you at the time (and enjoying some fun company of his own), perhaps he can get used to the idea of you being with another man. Then, when he's comfortable, you can progress to seeing a man on your own, and perhaps later with dating.

My husband and I are on this journey at the moment. I wanted an open relationship but he wasn't comfortable with the idea of me with another man. First of all I just asked him to read about it and learn more (The Ethical Slut, & Dan Savage). Later, we went to a swingers club and I found a lovely lady for us to play with. Then, we found a couple that wanted to play with us both, and have been developing a relationship with them over time. He's now said he's comfortable with me seeing a man on my own.

My husband loves me and genuinely wants me to have everything I want. It just takes time for him to get used to it and feel comfortable, so I've been giving him that and moving slowly. We've had some great learning experiences along the way - mostly when he got upset about something, we talked about it, and we learned more about ourselves and our relationship. Overall he agrees with me that the whole journey has been immensely worthwhile, strengthening our relationship.

If you love and trust your husband, I'd suggest you go for it, but be gentle with him :) It sounds like you have the patience and love to make this work :)

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