Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   You figure you know yourself.......... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4573)

Deuce 12-30-2010 08:46 PM

You figure you know yourself..........
I posted on another thread so I decided to come over here from behind the lurking cloak to introduce myself and dismiss any notion that I may be a troll!! :D

I am MWM married to a wonderful woman for 15 years. I wandered down the infidelity path more than two years ago and was discovered by my wife in June 2009. Since then, we have been working on our marital issues mostly through conselling and copious amounts of reading and talking....and talking. What we have been discovering is that I don't want to leave my marriage, that my wife still loves me very much and that I am happy with what is has given us and that it is not worth leaving, especially for the sake of our two daughters, but...............there is something more that I would like to explore within the security and comfort of our marriage.

We made a breakthrough in early October of this year with the help of our consellor. What we discovered is that polyamory might be a lifestyle that will work for us. Our consellor seems to be open-marriage and alternative lifestyle savvy and has given us some direction, much to our surprise (well, mostly mine, as I thought he would completely shut me down when I first mentioned it to him in therapy). We had discussed opening up our marriage a year before and had broached the subject a couple more times with it always ending up that it wasn't right for my wife, or that it wasn't the right thing to do.

Now, we are progressing and taking in some of the material on this site. What is particularily interesting is the testimonials from the monogamous partner's point of view. This has helped my wife address and ask the right questions, not only of me, but of herself.

Love is not a finite resource.

Thanks for allowing me to 'come out' on this site!!!!


Somegeezer 12-31-2010 02:06 AM

Welcome to the forum and welcome to polyamory. If you ever need someone to talk to one to one, feel free to send a PM my way. =]

Deuce 01-03-2011 05:24 AM

Thanks, SG.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find that peace.....but I'm getting closer every day.

Mohegan 01-03-2011 05:54 AM

It's hard to take responsibility when our actions have hurt someone, and even harder to expect them to not only forgive, but follow this new road. The biggest help for me was Karma taking responsibility for his actions, doing what I needed him to do to rebuild our trust, and talking, alot of talking.

This forum really helped us, and I'm glad it's helping you as well. Goodluck on your journey!

Deuce 01-05-2011 04:50 AM

Thanks, Mohegan for your words. From all that I have read on this site so far, I find myself paying close attention to the words and feelings of the monogamous partner so that I can have more empathy for my wife and understand more how she is feeling and how I can put my own feelings and thoughts into words.
Actions speak louder than words and I am trying to make my actions speak in a positive and good way.

Magdlyn 01-05-2011 05:49 PM

There are actually steps a couple can follow to open the previously mono coupling to an open one.

This site is great. I heard the owner of it speak last year. She is a counselor who focuses solely on poly relationships. Look at the links in the top left corner.


Deuce 01-05-2011 10:14 PM

Thanks for the link, Magdlyn. Looks like a lot of good reading and resources!

Magdlyn 01-06-2011 12:23 AM

You're welcome Deuce. I recommend it all the time here but no one's ever thanked me. I wonder if anyone besides you ever bothered to look at the link!

FlameKat 01-06-2011 12:26 AM


I have looked too... I found it very useful. And yes - where are my manners? Thank you for posting the link.

eklctc 01-06-2011 01:31 AM

Welcome to the Forum
It seems like you could be well on your way. I am glad that you and your wife are in counseling and seeking ways to continue to love and grow together and still seek total satisfication by broadening your horizons and utilizing your options. I look forward to watching your journey.

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