Dating Ideas?

CaityandBen

New member
We are a couple, 19F and 28M, looking for a girlfriend. We have no clue where to look! As much as we'd like to simply pick up women in a bar...I (the 19F) am not allowed in the bar...nor do I really like to drink.

My first question is where have other people looked and found? And how are easy ways of introducing polyamory to someone we may be interested in? So I'm simply asking for stories and experiences and advice.

We have weighed the pros and cons of this lifestyle. We could not imagine anything better than having more love in our house and someday to have a big family!
 
Well, for starters, you can join the unofficial "Unicorn Hunters' Club" that we seem to have here.

I mean that with the utmost respect!

Srsly. Maybe someone would start a Social Group for this. It might help; the topic keeps coming up.
 
Or you could just go around just asking random women to join you two. You will get slapped, rejected and yelled at 49 out of 50 times. But that 50th time is oh so special. :)

There are a few poly dating web sites in other threads. (We should probably have a sticky thread for poly dating and social websites.) You could also try to see if you have any friends that may be interested. Or join some social groups that exposes you two to more people.
 
I had an ad on okcupid, plenty of fish, alt.com, adultfriendfinders you name it. I still get emails from them, which is annoying. There are poly dating sites too. But I don't have experience with them.

If you ask around people who date they will know what is popular for your area. Be sure to be very specific in your ad about wanting poly. There are more people into cheating, open relationships (ie. finding a one night stand), and swinging than poly. You'll have a lot of wading to do. Keep honest and patient. Take your time as there are a lot of one offs that think they know what they want, but when it comes down to it, just want to get laid and move on.

There are a lot of couples on those sites looking for the same thing as you. That doesn't mean it doesn't exsist, but can be very defeating.
 
I had an ad on okcupid, plenty of fish, alt.com, adultfriendfinders you name it. I still get emails from them, which is annoying. There are poly dating sites too. But I don't have experience with them.

If you ask around people who date they will know what is popular for your area. Be sure to be very specific in your ad about wanting poly. There are more people into cheating, open relationships (ie. finding a one night stand), and swinging than poly. You'll have a lot of wading to do. Keep honest and patient. Take your time as there are a lot of one offs that think they know what they want, but when it comes down to it, just want to get laid and move on.

There are a lot of couples on those sites looking for the same thing as you. That doesn't mean it doesn't exsist, but can be very defeating.

yay! okay, so we do have an AdultFriendFinder account, but it's hell trying to find someone local, we find people we could fall in love with in a heartbeat but they live half way across the world. Did you have to travel or something?
 
oh and another thing, with our AFF account, we get too many swingers and masturbating men asking just to sleep with me!...
or "swappers" and we have it posted on our profile that we're interested in a polyamorous lifestyle and it seems no one cares to read it. we have no x-rated images on there except myself in new bra and panties that I had purchased...whereas everyone has they're bottoms up in the air!! We have tried to make our profile as clean and serious as possible...

ps., i'm totally digging polyamory.com I enjoy venting!
 
I could never understand why folks would flash only their genitals when it comes to making "first contact" (speaky Star Trek?).

In real life, it's someone's face that you meet first. Even when we go to c/o resorts and campgrounds, it's considered tacky to stare at people below the neck for a sustained period.
 
. . . we get too many swingers and masturbating men asking just to sleep with me!...or "swappers" and we have it posted on our profile that we're interested in a polyamorous lifestyle and it seems no one cares to read it. we have no x-rated images on there except myself in new bra and panties . . .

If you're getting undesirable responses, rework your ad to dial back whatever's attracting them. Suggestions to consider:
Don't count on anyone reading your profile.
Be upfront and specific in your ad about what you want (a girlfriend for a polyamorous triad)
and what you don't want (no swingers, swappers, or sweaty palm-ers).
Replace the lingerie photo with something fun but fully clothed.

Best of luck to y'all in your search for the ever-elusive unicorn. *brushing bangs down over forehead* Happy Hunting!
 
Ya, friendfinders... yuck... keep at it though. It took me over a year and at least a 50 dates to find my Mono. It was exhausting and grueling. Finding a local community of Poly friends might work too. It has for us!
 
We are dying to join a community but a lot of them seem to be on the defense. We're from an incredibly small area and it's actually...really really frowned upon. Because when people hear polyamory, their first thought is polygamy!!
(well at least my mother does) the big scary polygamy!! anywho....that's not the point

So we have found MNPoly.com and we have to fill out a questionnaire to be apart of it. So, we plan to do that tonight.

and I promise our profile is as clean and fresh as possible, straying away from most sexual things. I promise the lingerie picture is not as bad as you think, like i would have sent that picture to my mother.In fact, I'm so comfortable with our ad, i'd be willing to post it right here. My mom is not a prude, btw, she just doesn't understand bisexuality nor loving more than one. But she is very supportive and normally does her own research which is so nice!

So we've done the online dating scene with AFF... I was thinking of trying those other ones mentioned above...
I'll be sure to update on the whole MNpoly.com thingy

blah, I wrote a novel...caity
 
There was others on another post on here..... anyone else have some suggestions...?

Really though, one at a time as it can be a lot of work and can be confusing. I got very confused with which people I was talking to at different times...! It got embarrassing when I had to ask who someone was.... it doesn't help that no one uses their names for privacy reasons.
 
So I'm doing Polymatchmaker.com and AFF.com for now...until later. I don't have faith in online dating BUT i do feel as though I get some kind of communication, some flirting and what not.
 
AFF is very much oriented to swingers and open relationship types, along with a few other things...the environment there is very sex based. There's also a lot of limitations on the site designed to make and keep people paying...so yeah...no one reads profiles since generally they can't see them. The poly's are probably there, but I think many loose interest after a while of dealing with the same issues you mention.

There's other free sites like PlentyofFish and OKCupid. POF is fairly mainstream, but there's probably a slightly higher Poly ratio there. The FSF section also has a fair number of couples seeking unicorns, so you may find some similar situations as AFF...but at least you don't need to pay for it.
Generally OKC seems better recommended, as the matching algorithms while fallible still tend to trickle like minded poly folk to the top of your matches.

Agreed to whomever suggested that dating resources should be made into a sticky thread.
 
AFF is very much oriented to swingers and open relationship types, along with a few other things...the environment there is very sex based. There's also a lot of limitations on the site designed to make and keep people paying...so yeah...no one reads profiles since generally they can't see them. The poly's are probably there, but I think many loose interest after a while of dealing with the same issues you mention.

There's other free sites like PlentyofFish and OKCupid. POF is fairly mainstream, but there's probably a slightly higher Poly ratio there. The FSF section also has a fair number of couples seeking unicorns, so you may find some similar situations as AFF...but at least you don't need to pay for it.
Generally OKC seems better recommended, as the matching algorithms while fallible still tend to trickle like minded poly folk to the top of your matches.

Agreed to whomever suggested that dating resources should be made into a sticky thread.

yay! so it sounds like I've got lots of online dating ideas...now to move on to real life.

I wanna know how some face to face encounters have gone. What's worked for you guys and how do you approach someone and then later tell them to meet your girlfriend?

Story time :D!!
Ben works at a bar and a girl dropped him her number! He told me she was really cute, someone we'd both be really interested in and so he started flirting with her via text message and still thought she was really cool. finally she asks Ben, "are you seeing anybody?" and ben said something along the lines of,
"yes, but we have a very unique relationship."
"oh yeah?"
"yes, she knows about you and she knows we've been texting."
"what's so unique then?"
"we're both looking for a girlfriend." and we didn't get a response back from her for a while. It was so nerve wracking. Until she finally explained that she had been super curious about sleeping with girls and that she was currently with a wide open lesbian who actually made her nervous. she said she was really interested in Ben and I because it would be an easy way for her to dabble into girls and still have the comfort of the same sex there. So finally we got the balls to ask her out for dinner, something casual so I could meet her and what not and she said that this week wouldn't work and that she'd call us when she might be more available. Haven't heard much from her since except she "accidently" sent ben a text... Now i'm just worried she's just in for my boyfriend... but she told him that she still interested in dinner for 3.
 
A few points:

I'm going into a triad/quad situation (long story, as always.) I'm having to move. Not my ideal, in that way, but I think the relationship is worth it. We met on OKCup!d, and were just friends for the longest time. Things ended up falling together a few months ago, and the rest is history.

Until then, I live within a few hours of you. :-D

Good luck finding your third. Or fourth, as the case may end up being. ;-)
 
hey there!
love the story...i hope the dinner happens and you guys have a great time. i am currently in a triad, my husband and our gf (who i have been best friends with forever). it sounds like you guys are going about it the right way, and is wish you lots of luck! let us know how it goes. :)
 
The search continues

Alright, So here's an update.

Ben and I took my ex girlfriend, who is still a really good friend of mine to a concert and when we got there, they had the minors blocked off from the 21 and over....by a gate. I looked at Ben and practiced some honest, "I'm upset, humiliated, and I want to leave." He smiled and said thank you for being honest and we all left. (Ben is 28 and I'm 19, I know that sounds like a difference, but I promise it balances out.)

All 3 of us ended up going home, having a few drinks and having our first 3-way...surprisingly a very romantic, intimate 3-way! It was so wonderful to get a taste of what a triad might feel like!!! My ex, (D, we'll call her for privacy) slept in our bedroom and Ben slept on our futon. I went back and forth from bed to bed and caressed each one and kissed their necks and cheeks very gently. Ben told me he loved this new side I was showing and he was so understanding and honest with me.

Here's the thing, D is interested in me, i don't think she's interested in Ben very much and that worries me. Ben and I made a few 3-way dating rules and one was the "veto rule"...if we feel our third is trying to hog one member of the relationship, become a home wrecker of some sort, we instantly drop that person and rekindle a monogamous relationship until we find someone else. D doesn't seem to be home wrecking, she just has very little interest in Ben and it's depressing. I'm not really torn, because I think we could stay really good friends. But I kind of am torn because she's like the perfect type for us...Oh well. In conclusion, we had a really good experience sexually and physically and it gave us an idea of what we're looking for. But our search still continues.
 
perhaps give her some time to get to know him a little better. Maybe she's just more comfortable with you at this time. Have them spend a little time together. Might be hard for you but if you're wanting a triad, everyone will need to spend quality time alone with both of the others.
 
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