Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Life stories and blogs (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=5)
-   -   River's Blog (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3090)

River 06-29-2010 04:48 PM

River's Blog
A random tid-bit to start.

You want an inconvenient truth? Try this one: human beings are clearly evolved for sex lives featuring multiple simultaneous sexual relationships.

Men, especially, are designed by evolution to be attracted to sexual novelty and to gradually lose sexual attraction to the same partner in the absence of such novelty. The so-called Coolidge Effect is well demonstrated in social mammals of all sorts, and is old news to anyone knowledgeable about reproductive biology.

Holy shit! This means I'm normal!;)

MonoVCPHG 06-29-2010 05:09 PM

I knew this was all about collecting more sex partners ;)

Ariakas 06-29-2010 05:10 PM

I think I got excited by this article :p

My problem with blanket statements like this, are akin to why I dislike such specific references to alpha/beta male patterns. Simply put, we have cognitive and reasoning ability that can over shadow pure instinct.

While we follow similar patterns to animals I don't like to think of these things as an inability to choose.

I am an alpha male, I don't run around beating up other alpha males and taking on my own pride of females. As appealing as that sounds :p :D

River 06-29-2010 05:27 PM


Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 34062)
Simply put, we have cognitive and reasoning ability that can over shadow pure instinct.

While we follow similar patterns to animals I don't like to think of these things as an inability to choose.

I agree that it's not correct to lump all animals, including the human animal, together in one big fuzzy lump. We do and can choose. But much of what we feel, our impulses, are rooted in biology -- and deeper than thought, belief, and choosing. How we behave in relation to those impulses and feelings is variable.

Anyway, I think that article sorta lets a lot of us off the hook, so to speak. We are as we are not because we're BAAAAD, but 'cause we're ... well, human.

clairegoad 06-29-2010 07:00 PM

Quote from the website mentioned by the OP (original poster): A recent article in Psychology Today profiles a therapist/author who suggests that married men with low libido can overcome this difficult situation if they just do it. According to this article, “their low sex drive often has little to do with hormones or biology and a lot to do with the women in their lives. Men today, often enough, are angry at their wives.” Readers are told that, “In the presence of a mismatch of desire, all intimacy drops out on all levels in addition to the sexual. Couples stop having meaningful conversations.”

Even though the author of the article dismisses this opinion... it certainly explains my last relationship. Though he's happy with his new married gf, which is how I ended up here.

And I think since people are living longer, we're all looking at what works, and how to get more love and communication.

River 06-30-2010 06:28 PM

I'm posting a copy of the below over here because it has bloggy feel about it. The original is in the topic about extroversion & introversion.

I suspect most folks (I'm guessing!) are plenty okay about where they are on the introversion-to-extroversion spectrum, but lately I'm feeling rather boxed in as a result of my having been a lifelong introvert.

Well, I'm on my way toward ambiversion, I suspect -- and I have no doubt that a lot of folks will see me as quite extroverted, until they get to know me well. That's as a result of my being much more assertive than passive. I'm probably much more assertive than the average person. But I'm also, in some respects, probably more shy, too.

Actually, I can surprise people with my occasions of extroversion, my willingness to talk with strangers, my ability to create quick rapport with people, etc. So even I am having a little bit of a challenge understanding my shyness, which is also there.

Maybe it all roots in my childhood -- when I was the proverbial Boy Never Chosen for obligatory schoolyard ball play. That sort of thing. I was a mess, then. Trodden down at home and on the school yard. A bedwetter, a scrawny scardycat boy who made up stories about pirate treasure to try to win friends. I used to have a beadspread with football helmets on it even though I neither understood nor cared for football. I'd do anything to win the acceptance and appreciation -- the love -- that was so foreign and strange to my longing heart.

Ooops! See, there I have gone and done it again. I seem to extravert my introversion. I'm a pro!

River 12-15-2010 11:39 PM

When a bee is precisely and only a bee,

When the poem falls silent

When the ribs are!
When there are humming throats,
kisses! new kisses!

The skin which shivers
The eyes which tear up
The impossible fucking poem!

Who is not in search of this,

Who does not swim in it?

Charlie 01-18-2011 10:52 PM

I couldn't figure out where to post this, maybe you know a better place...

There is something they know that we are just now figuring out.


River 02-10-2011 04:36 PM

Thanks, Charlie. (I'll view that when I have my headphones with me at the cafe, since I don't have internet at home at this time.)


I want to introduce one of my teachers. A true wise-woman. Though I've never met her, her words are magical, and true (mostly).



River 02-15-2011 05:52 PM

How to think without grasping?

People will say, "I grasp that concept". I "get" what you mean.

How to let the heart (my heart) speak?

A question makes a better guide.

When I hold a question my hands are turned upright, open.

When I hold my breath, both heart and mind shrink.

To hold my heart open is to ask a question is to hold a question lightly is to allow the fullness of breath.

That's the same thing as letting the sunlight in.

Long ago, my heart shrank for fear.

Now the sun can seem too bright! My hands clutch, but I catch them at it. I'm learning to love them when they're like this. They need my love. So does my breathing.

I don't want to "get" love. I'm not grasping after it. I'm intensely curious. I want to know what it is like to breathe without any hesitation.

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:37 PM.