Finding someone

[berserker239]

So im with a girl, we both want to have a third to our relationship. Shes bisexual and im not, so it has to be a woman. The hard part is finding a bisexual woman who will. Its hard enough finding a bi girl, let alone a bi girl into poly. Any tips? Anyone from the greater pottsville pennsylvania area that knows of some girls into that? Its kinda hard to walk up to a girl and say "Hey are you bi? Oh and by the way, wanna date me and my girlfriend?"

Just doesnt seem like its a good conversation starter. Idk, im confused on how all this works, its not the worlds norm and isnt widely accepted. Any suggestions on how you started yours?

[MonoVCPHG]

You're looking for a unicorn my friend. There's a whole thread on that. Good luck in your search, there's a lot of you looking. :)

[XYZ123]

If you find one make sure she's not a horse with a goat horn glued to her head. Then ask if she has friends and send them over. :p

[berserker239]

Ah, im looking for a woman that doesnt exist? Well honestly, my girlfriend has a friend, that said she would do it, be with us both at the same time that is, but shes with a man whom shes been with for 7 years and loves deeply. So i dont think its a unicorn per se, but a 4 leaf clover

[foxflame88]

Ah, im looking for a woman that doesnt exist?

Oh, we exist... we're just few and seemingly far between.;)

[vandalin]

A lot will depend on what you are looking for in the long run. Do you want a commited relationship between you, your girl and this third woman? Are you just looking for someone to take up space in the bedroom? These are things to figure out before you go looking for your third.

[aussielover]

Another thing is, you can't really control who you fall in love with. So if it's truely a poly relationship you want, and not one for just sex, it's difficult to find someone who falls in love with both of you.

As Alli says, it CAN happen... we DO exist. I happened to find my loves by chance. None of us were looking and it just happened. We didn't even know about the poly lifestyle until we had already decided we were going to live it.

Good luck.

[Ricavaler]

I agree with the previous posters... it's hard to specifically go out and find someone who will love both you and your partner. Also that perhaps you need to define more what it is you are actually looking for long term. If it's more of a sexual thing, perhaps swinging is a more direct line to what you seek.

[berserker239]

We arent looking for another knotch in the bedpost. We're looking for a committed third to our two, i wouldent use a woman as a plaything.

We want someone to share good and bad times with, to be there when things get bad and when things are good, weve never been into the norm so this comes as no surprise to us.

My girlfriend is bisexual but has never had a girlfriend, shes done things with a woman but never got into a relationship with one because her step-father is homophobic. I couldent tell you why we want to do this. Its just like when you fall in love, you dont know what it is about that person that makes you want them so bad, you have ideas, but you never really know.

[vandalin]

Shes bisexual but has never had a girlfriend, shes done things with a woman but never got into a relationship with one because her step-father is homophobic.

I'm assuming you mean your girlfriend here as this would be a very unusual requirement for a third person.

[berserker239]

Haha, yeah i meant her. Kinda groggy right now, just woke up and didnt have a cigarette yet.

[NeonKaos]

You are in an unusual position because of your age AND newness at the alternative lifestyle. I think this will work to your advantage. First of all, you are not married, especially not for many years of monogamy and/or raising a family. So it's not so much a turn-off that you want to "add" to "your" relationship the way it is with older, established couples where it will be a big change in "their" marriage. There are not the same things at stake with you and your GF. All you really need to concern yourself with is being respectful toward each other and your soon-to-be girlfriend.

I have one piece of advice. Get in the habit, mentally and verbally, of referring to your girlfriend(s) as "she and I" or "her and me" instead of "us and we". save the "us and we" for the three of you.

I'm glad you seem to have the foresight and maturity to make this work; it may take a little longer than you would like, but I have no doubt that you will appreciate it.

[berserker239]

Thank you very much for the support, suggestions and kind words. I think my girlfriend and myself are going to enjoy it here. :) Ill talk to her about getting her to make herself an account here and become active. Be warned, shes 10x the bouncy and hyper aussielover is xD

[aussielover]

LMAO... omg if only you knew me in person, I'm so quiet and shy!! My Sunshinegrl is way more bouncy and hyper than I am! At least irl. lol That's so funny.

[berserker239]

Aww, your probably just shy to people you dont know. I bet once you get near your lovers you divetackle one of them to the ground and latch on with a deathgrip xD

[aussielover]

Aww, your probably just shy to people you dont know. I bet once you get near your lovers you divetackle one of them to the ground and latch on with a deathgrip xD

hmmmmmmm ok maybe you DO know me... *looking around a little paranoid*

[berserker239]

xD No no its ok, im not a stalker, im just really good at learning how people are. :D

[aussielover]

lol whew... I'm just extra excited right now 'cause I've just got things orginized to go homem finally... I've been missing my family so much and now I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

lol but usually I'm not nearly this hyper

[berserker239]

Thats great, are you just visiting or are you staying for good?

[aussielover]

For min a year. I'm going over on a working holiday visa. That will give us some time to figure out what to do after that. Maybe back to school on a student visa... We have to figure something out perminantly.

[berserker239]

Your profile says your 30 :S, why dont you just study and take the immigration test in australia if they have one.

[aussielover]

Not that simple Berserker, I wish it were. they want skilled immigrants for the most part.... so I'd have to get a degree then apply

[berserker239]

Why dont they come over to you then :s Getting a degree is a good couple years yet

[aussielover]

There are also three young children to consider. Most logical is me going there. Plus I've always wanted to... And NO snow.

[AutumnalTone]

If they're looking for a single bi woman who's also looking for a couple, then they're hunting unicorns.

If they're just interested in a bi, poly woman who might take up with a couple, well, there are lots of them in the poly community. She might have a husband, boyfriend, and girlfriend already, of course.

So, not necessarily hunting unicorns--could be chasing princesses!

[AutumnalTone]

Princess! She's a princess!

[AutumnalTone]

Ooooh...will you come to my birthday party? Unicorn....

[berserker239]

Lol, random seventhcrow commentary XD

[AutumnalTone]

Random?

Hmm. Does the linear view of messages not show which message a new post responds to? I use the threaded view which shows which response goes where and haven't considered that the other views wouldn't. Am I just being horribly led astray by the software?

If there's no reference to the post being responded to, I'll start quoting the posts I'm responding to.

[berserker239]

Theres none. Usually you can just tell.

[aussielover]

If they're looking for a single bi woman who's also looking for a couple, then they're hunting unicorns.

Oh yes, forgot about this part.

[berserker239]

Oh yes, forgot about this part.

So i should start my search for this unicorn in Atlantis then? Off i go!

[aussielover]

Not sure that unicorns are able to survive underwater....

[berserker239]

Sure they can, thats where they all hide. Didnt you get the memo?

[aussielover]

Well, seeing as I didn't know I was a unicorn, I didn't have my email on the list...

[berserker239]

Put your email on the list then, theyll give you up to date news for all your uni needs

[aussielover]

perhaps, perhaps... hmm, annual get togethers and such.... confrance meetings, networking... indeed, I should... Although I'm pretty sure they'll have some sort of vow of secrecy... if a list should leak out... I might be dehorned.....

[berserker239]

This is true, you could be dehorned or WORSE. They might ask you to move to atlantis for training ofcourse

[aussielover]

hmmm I couldn't do that and be away from my family again...no need for training.... this has all come so naturally, I don't need it :D

[berserker239]

xD Maybe theyll give you a consolation prize than. Some horn polish perhaps?

[aussielover]

hehe that would be good, although I'm not to advertise it... I've already been peed on by both my loves hehe... *feels good to be claimed lol*
A shiny horn might cause problems

[berserker239]

hahah, i was drinking ice tea when i read the pee part and i spit it out all over my monitor. Yes a shiney horn could cause you some problems, some horn duller then?

[aussielover]

hahah, i was drinking ice tea when i read the pee part and i spit it out all over my monitor.



LMAO That's hilarious!!!

Perhaps horn duller would be better hehe

[berserker239]

xD One time i was eating grapes and i read something funny and i swallowed it and then it came right back from halfway down my throat, wich made me laugh again and then i swallowed it xD

[aussielover]

lol you're a strange one.... I like you.

[berserker239]

xD i get that alot. Not the like part but the weird part

[aussielover]

lol

[Sunshinegrl]

LMAO That's hilarious!!!

Perhaps horn duller would be better hehe


See I think thats more that your adverse to wearing Sparkles and all that Jazz. I'd shine that horn right back up for ya! But i like me some bling!

[aussielover]

hehe yes, well I don't usually like to draw attention to myself hehe, yeah noooooo, I don't wear sparkles....
But if my girl wants a shiny horn my girl gets one. hehe polished it is.

[redpepper]

Well honestly, my girlfriend has a friend, that said she would do it, be with us both at the same time that is, but shes with a man whom shes been with for 7 years and loves deeply. So i dont think its a unicorn per se, but a 4 leaf clover

Sorry, just to get back to what you were talking about :o as this is all very entertaining but a tad off topic.....

This quote doesn't mention falling in love and having a relationship.... but having sex. Maybe you are not looking for Poly? in that case your chances are higher.

I was once available and willing to have a relationship with a couple, they turned me down because they are swingers.... I wonder if they ever knew what a rarity I was? Oh well, their loss.

[NeonKaos]

This quote doesn't mention falling in love and having a relationship.... but having sex. Maybe you are not looking for Poly? in that case your chances are higher.



This is what he said near the beginning of this thread, message #9 to be exact:

We arent looking for another knotch in the bedpost. We're looking for a committed third to our two, i wouldent use a woman as a plaything.

We want someone to share good and bad times with, to be there when things get bad and when things are good, weve never been into the norm so this comes as no surprise to us.

[redpepper]

Yes I saw that part, but still wondered why he phrased the way he did. Perhaps he really just wants to sleep with two women and get off on watching them together....(playing devils advocate really...) no problem in that, just as long as he doesn't call it poly. Although that would certainly be nice, it is swinging instead.

[berserker239]

Sorry, just to get back to what you were talking about :o as this is all very entertaining but a tad off topic.....

This quote doesn't mention falling in love and having a relationship.... but having sex. Maybe you are not looking for Poly? in that case your chances are higher.

I was once available and willing to have a relationship with a couple, they turned me down because they are swingers.... I wonder if they ever knew what a rarity I was? Oh well, their loss.

Sorry if you misunderstood, but like i explained, women arent sex toys to me. Im not looking for a knotch in my bedpost. Im looking for another woman to love me and care about me and to hear my problems and work with me and my girlfriend to settle them. I crave a third opinion on things, i lack enough affection. Im too needy for one woman if you will. I like to be able to pamper my woman constantly and she doesnt like that. Its hard to explain exactly WHY i want a third girl.

Its just like the reason you want one person at all. You just wanna love and be loved back, no?

[redpepper]

Very true.... all about the lovin' that is why I have two, ...three guys (the thrid says he is more like a "fancy" heehee, very much the joker). I love to love and have room for more in the way of a woman.... I also require a lot of love in return and require to never be alone... I hate being alone and do best when surrounded by those whom I love and who love me.

Just checkin ;)
and as I said, playing devils advocate. Thanks for clarifiying.

[MonoVCPHG]

thrid says he is more like a "fancy" heehee, very much the joker.

A "Fancy" LOL! He is hilarious..I love how he cares about you :D

[berserker239]

Very true.... all about the lovin' that is why I have two, ...three guys (the thrid says he is more like a "fancy" heehee, very much the joker). I love to love and have room for more in the way of a woman.... I also require a lot of love in return and require to never be alone... I hate being alone and do best when surrounded by those whom I love and who love me.

Just checkin ;)
and as I said, playing devils advocate. Thanks for clarifiying.

Always glad to clarify, i know all bout playing devils advocate. Just trying to weed out the good from the bad, right? ;)

[Twinkle]

I have spent some amount of time on dating websites and have met alot of freinds and interesting people myself, although I have yet to find exactly what I was looking for, one thing I have learned for sure is that there are an awful lot of people looking for just one person to love them, even people who are in a commited but loveless relationship. I felt that before I can appreciate another person, I should understand how great it is that I have ONE wonderful person in my life far more than worthy of my love. That gives me a sense of peace and patience in searching for the second.

Well my best advice is not to just think that someone will walk up to you and say "yes, I will be the second love of your life". (Could happen, but...) There is some "getting to know" and just like finding the first love there may be some trial and error, but the journey itself can be much fun. Just stay honest and know when to call it when it isn't working out.

[DestinyWaits]

Well my best advice is not to just think that someone will walk up to you and say "yes, I will be the second love of your life". (Could happen, but...) There is some "getting to know" and just like finding the first love there may be some trial and error, but the journey itself can be much fun. Just stay honest and know when to call it when it isn't working out.


I'm going to have to agree with Twinkle here as it actually happened to me, a woman did walk up to us and say she could be our third and true love only to find out that she could love us both but that she wanted us together and alone as well. She wanted the relationship with both of us but wanted to live seperate from us and wanted more one on one time than together time which is what ultimately seperated the relationship as we wanted someone to be a part of us and our family not just someone to see on occasion and whenever the "mood" struck.

It is a rare thing to find that one woman who is capable of coming into an already established relationship and becoming a full part of it and an even rarer thing to find one who when she does come into it is capable of feeling like an equal in it, if you find her, hold on to her with dear life and treasure her because our unicorns are a rare find and a real treasure. These women are the ones who those of us who have been in this kind of relationship for a long time value above all as they are the ones who are capable of completing us and they are few and far between.

[berserker239]

I'm going to have to agree with Twinkle here as it actually happened to me, a woman did walk up to us and say she could be our third and true love only to find out that she could love us both but that she wanted us together and alone as well. She wanted the relationship with both of us but wanted to live seperate from us and wanted more one on one time than together time which is what ultimately seperated the relationship as we wanted someone to be a part of us and our family not just someone to see on occasion and whenever the "mood" struck.

It is a rare thing to find that one woman who is capable of coming into an already established relationship and becoming a full part of it and an even rarer thing to find one who when she does come into it is capable of feeling like an equal in it, if you find her, hold on to her with dear life and treasure her because our unicorns are a rare find and a real treasure. These women are the ones who those of us who have been in this kind of relationship for a long time value above all as they are the ones who are capable of completing us and they are few and far between.

I know their rare, but finding someone you love and care about more than anything else in the world is just as rare, in my opinion.