Managing the Magic and the Mundane [Archive]

Charlie

01-04-2011, 01:07 PM

I will begin, as I am fond of doing, by saying that at anytime, I could be full of shit...

but I'm not.

If you are looking for advice about how to live your life with many loves, go look in the mirror, right now. This is not new advice, a bit cliche' even, but it is nonetheless true. In truth, I can offer you no advice on how to live YOUR life; that is for each of us to figure out for ourselves. That being said, here is what I know to be true for me, and if it becomes or is true for you also, so much the better...

I love many people, but for the purposes of this forum, you should know that I love Rarechild, she loves her husband Catfish and he loves her, and, gosh ol' fish hooks, Catfish and I think very highly of each other. That is to say, we hug each other the way only two secure heterosexual men can do. (Love ya, brother.)

For now, I'm setting aside the parts of our story before right now, save this one vital thing that the three of share: We've all fucked up, we've all suffered heartbreak, and we've all grown immensely.

Trust, honesty, respect, kindness, communication, patience, empathy, generosity, pragmatism, strength, thankfulness, and consistency...write these down and look up the definitions for the ones that don't ring a bell, as I will refer to them later on...

What I have learned about Love in thirty-one years is that people aren't always so good at loving themselves. When we fall short of loving ourselves, we don't shine so bright, and end up looking for someone or some thing to light us up. Afterwords, when that someone or some thing is not there to glow for us, we're right back to being dim.

Rinse, and repeat.

While I may be new to "polyamory", I am well seasoned at being a human being who loves other human beings. By well seasoned, I mean like a good cast iron frying pan: Even distribution of heat, and the shit don't stick no more.

Catfish, Rarechild, and I have a friendship based on all those words that I mentioned earlier. I will tell you that I have grown to seek these things in every relationship I have, in family, friends, and work. To say this more precisely, I don't suffer fools. With six and a half billion people (not to mention dogs) on the planet, I get to choose my giving and receiving of caring and sharing. That is called "The-world-has-teeth" or "I-don't-give-out-change-at-the-ghetto-grocery-store-anymore".

As the three of us continue working, and, I might add, I have never known something that was so wonderful to work so hard for, we've dug into rich, black soil that is perfect for growing. We've also hit hard rock at times and we haven't gone deep enough to plant anything permanent yet. So, we are learning to take turns with the pick and shovel...

Jealousy. Show me one single relationship, family, friend, or otherwise, that does not have it and I will show you the meaning of the word "apathy".
In it's worst manifestation, jealousy is possessive, controlling, abusive, egotistical, hollow and completely useless. In it's highest evolution, which is still called jealousy, it is the most raw, honest, flattering human expression of wanting from someone whatever desirable thing it is that they are sharing with someone else: time, space, intimacy, fun, sex, silence, food, conversation...

Funny how we rarely get jealous when our loved one's are spending quality time getting a root canal...just sayin'.

Do this: Call your Grandma, your brother, your old English instructor, the boss you liked so well, and your best friend and tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate them for being in your life. Light 'em up cuz ya love 'em.

That's a polyamorous life and there's plenty to go around...

nycindie

01-04-2011, 10:29 PM

Thank you, Charlie. Your post made me smile when I sorely needed to, and reminded me of important things that I needed to be reminded of.

If you ever publish your words of wisdom someday, I will be first in line to buy your gems -- you are a wonderful writer!

LovingRadiance

01-05-2011, 01:15 AM

Excellent post!!!!

Charlie

01-05-2011, 03:10 AM

I didn't invent these words, I just use 'em.

If I ever publish anything, and I intend to do so, I will GIVE you a copy...I'll even pay postage.

Smiling. From what I understand, it's healthy. For very selfish reasons, I like to make other people smile. Makes the room brighter. I choose this consciously as a way to move in the world. As Stuart Wilde so eloquently put it, "You pays your money, and you makes your choice."

Last time I looked, Webster's Dictionary was a reference book. As any philosophy student will tell you, in order for more than one person have a productive discussion, there must be agreement about the definitions implied by the words we choose. I know that Rarechild and Catfish live by many, if not all, of the same definitions of trust, love, respect, honesty, blah blah blah, that I do; however, I cannot assume that. In accepting accountability to their two big giant hearts, I also had to accept the responsibility of being clear, articulate, and abundant in my communication.
I have a propensity to draw connections between seemingly disparate experiences and events in my life and I am inclined, as many artists are, to be metaphorical when I communicate. While this is mature and magical, it is not always the most efficient way to communicate. Cut the flowery, glowing bullshit and just say it, let's get down to it. Even when I think I know what is meant, I try to remember to ask anyway. Assume nothing. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

When Rarechild, my blessed friend, opened her heart to me, offering to me her love in a new evolution, I was stunned. When Catfish, my blessed friend, opened his heart to me, offering to share his wife's love, I was staggered. Their communication is what made the departure on this journey possible. That they continue to do the work is stunning. They are beautiful to behold, separately or together...

...and I would take a bullet to the head for either one of them.

What I have been offered is this: I(We) want to share my(our) life with you.

Well, shut me up. How big is your heart?

I tend not to take any commitment lightly. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Get ready for conversations full of grit and gristle, vibrant with vigor.

I had to look Catfish in the eye, as a man, to know that he meant what I thought he meant.

Never forget this: To be loved, by yourself or someone else, right here and now, for who and what you are, is a fucking gift. It deserves a "Please" and "Thank You" for every moment. Anything that cannot be given freely and willingly is commerce, and it has no place in any personal relationship. If you have holes in your heart, fill them in yourself. Never give someone you love a broken gift. Ever.

And never accept one either.

FlameKat

01-05-2011, 08:14 AM

I have to say your posts are rather magical :p not to mention beautiful in a very soul opening way.

can I have a copy of your book too? :p

Magdlyn

01-05-2011, 03:06 PM

Never forget this: To be loved, by yourself or someone else, right here and now, for who and what you are, is a fucking gift. It deserves a "Please" and "Thank You" for every moment.

I do thank the universe daily for my gf! I didnt even know I was looking for her, and yet, here she is in my life, giving me so much love and support and humor and sex and good cookin! What a gift indeed.

If you have holes in your heart, fill them in yourself. Never give someone you love a broken gift. Ever.

And never accept one either.

Um, we're all "broken" and imperfect. Working on oneself is, of course, necessary, but I don't expect anyone to be perfectly balanced and self aware at all times. Lord knows, I am not. My heart gets knicked, my lovers and friends and dear sister help it to heal, along with my own efforts.

Rarechild

01-05-2011, 03:31 PM

What I have been offered is this: I(We) want to share my(our) life with you.

Well, shut me up. How big is your heart?

So fucking big I'm convinced they've three been growing for centuries, at least.

I have to say your posts are rather magical :p not to mention beautiful in a very soul opening way.

It is not just his posts, I can tell you for certain.

-R

eklctc

01-08-2011, 04:54 AM

Thanks for sharing, Charlie. I was just introduced to you after reading Rarechild's posting so I am very glad to find something in your own words. Your thought process is definitely a breath of fresh air. I look forward to watching your journey.

redpepper

01-08-2011, 08:20 AM

glad to know of you Charlie, you are indeed spoken highly of and I can see why now.:) welcome to the forum.

Catfish

01-09-2011, 04:41 PM

Ladies and gentlemen...

This man deserves your attention. He is the real deal.

That is all.

Love,
CF

lovinhimloviner

01-15-2011, 01:46 AM

It is so nice to meet you Charlie. :)

Charlie

01-16-2011, 06:27 AM

We walked in, with common purpose and intent, and sat across from each other in the ER waiting room for just a minute, maybe not even that long, before I asked Catfish if he wanted a cup of coffee.

As I suspected, he did in fact desire such a thing. I left to go find us some, somewhere on the lower level of the hospital. When I came back, he had already been permitted back to Rarechild's room. When I inquired at the reception desk, two simple black coffees hot in hand, the nurses directed me back as well, with curious smiles.

Husband? check.
Boyfriend? check?

Alls I know is, I have never seen such a deliriously happy woman in the emergency room.

But what I want to say is this:

I have spent my life looking up to those male role models who were solid, intelligent, strong, loyal, generous, and kind. There have been many. But never in my life have I ever felt like so much a Man as sitting across from Catfish, for one brief minute, shamelessly and silently sharing honestly with him the solidarity of loving the same Woman. It is one thing to for a son to worry with his mother about his father, her husband; supportive, but the love is held differently. It was quite another thing altogether, ladies and gentlemen, to know fully and openly that the worry furrowed in another Man's brow was wrinkled out of the same character of love, intimacy, passion, admiration, respect, commitment, and loyalty as my own. I have never know such sharing, with or without words.

Catfish, dammit, I love ya. We both know the score: We must do the rebuilding of ourselves with our own two hands, time and again. But I will be here on the ground, waiting patiently, and generously handing you your own bricks to lay down again. Just like you have done for me, just like you ARE doing for me, just like you will do for me again and again.

I don't know much, but I know that.

You are my family, and I am in awe of you at every turn, at every evolution of yourself.

So, I offer you this:

All the Labor (The Gourds, "Dem's Good Beeble")

All the labor landed in the sod

where the digger cried "it's my calling, sir

and it is no mistake

that I put you in the ground so well

and if they pay me well that's great

it's just gravy, I'd do it anyway"

All the labor stood up and shouted

"I'll wait for you fun lovin' Minever Cheevy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miniver_Cheevy

with all yer drunken delusions

I am a sensational place

of camaraderie and pleasure

won't you stand with me

in your garden once more"

All the labor although it be brick on brick

stitch on stitch and earn to urn

a presence on the lift

what this great ole nation was built on boy

outlives the package everyday mama mama everyday

Rarechild

01-17-2011, 05:28 PM

Alls I know is, I have never seen such a deliriously happy woman in the emergency room.

Some of the happiest, scariest, and most surreal hours of my life so far. Coming out(proud to answer when asked) to the doctors and nurses in the triage room, strapped to a backboard helpless to control my beautiful fate, laughing like I have never laughed before, more alive than ever, the two of you holding both of my hands, all of us caught up in the Mystery and the Joy together, washing over the whole ER with our light.

That moment will never leave me, all of us wide open together for the first time and so aware of our fortune, letting it all in with grateful awe.

There is so much more.
I love you both immensely and to the end.
-R

Charlie

01-18-2011, 04:21 AM

Nov. 30th, 2010

Good Things

Good things mostly start on the edge of sorrow.
Where one leaves that shore of despair,
and knows it is better for the rocking sea,
that body is bound for ecstasy.
Our feet leave the soggy bottom
and we defy the spin of the Earth,
then clamber into our makeshift vessel.

It will carry us.

It will carry us, we know, because it is made
of calloused flesh and wrought iron
and decorated with a baker's dozen broken hearts.
It is familiar because we built it long ago,
cobbled together by a younger self.

Fear not child...your boat will float.

January 8th, 2011

Bad Things

Bad things happen mostly on the edge of happiness.
Where one leaves that shore of ecstasy,
and knows not what storms swell,
a body is bound to rise through Hell.
Our compass spins out from North
and our feet touch back down to Earth,
slamming our vessel against the rocky shores.

It will care for us.

It will care for us, we know, because it is made
of mild steel and bruised flesh
and decorated with a baker's dozen broken dreams.
It is tattered now because we built it long ago,
assembled into shape by a more flexible self.

Fear not child...your hope will float.

Carma

01-24-2011, 03:48 PM

"Well shut me up. How big is your heart?"

I am so inspired by your words and your story. Wow.

Charlie

01-25-2011, 04:22 AM

I want you to be strong so that you can help me lift heavy things.

I want you to succeed so that you will not bring me down with your failure.

I want you to make mistakes so that I can learn from them.

I want you to live a rich life so that the stories you tell will not be boring.

I want you to get bigger so that I will have room to grow too.

I want you to be yourself so that I will know the truth of you.

I want you to be free because you will know the sacredness of my freedom.

I want you to become Love because I am Love.

I want because I am selfish.

Everybody has an angle.

That you are loved well by me is in my best interests.

Charlie

Charlie

02-01-2011, 02:15 AM

To my daemons of unknown origin,

I am coming for you.

That you have boldly risen in my mind betrays your naivete, and your youthful exuberance shall be your final undoing. You and your kind have tested my patience for the last time.

Take warning.

You should know that I have come many times before in flesh and bone and slaughtered your arrogant brethren in the sacred name of Love. The element of surprise remains the only tactic left in your repertoire of spiritual warfare, after which I will cut you down like so many sheaths of brittle winter grass.

I am formidable. My lives have been spent in the pursuit of truth and my skills have been honed now to a hefty razor's edge that I can, at will, swing down in Thor's own image with surgical precision.

It will take me whole days to collect your scattered pieces to the fire.

There is no place for you to hide, should you be even wise enough to seek shelter, for I know the ways of all material things. With these ten dexterous digits, I can seek you out in stone, steel, and timber with fabulous efficiency and magical manifestation. These words serve only to clarify my singular intent.

You are not safe.

You will be shown no mercy and given no quarter. As the taste of Love waxes my lips, I have no time to hear your hollow poison pleas for understanding and acceptance of mediocrity. You shall be cast out forthwith.

You should regard my prior sacrifices as preparations for your eviction.

That I am invincible should be your only consideration.

Quite sincerely,

Charlie

Charlie

02-04-2011, 01:07 AM

Our lives were never meant to be unimaginative. Lazy from time to time, but never boring.

Thank you for feeling the same. We'll get more interesting things done more slowly this way.

Quality takes time.

Charlie

JenAgain

02-04-2011, 08:16 PM

Charlie, your words are amazing and so true. I cried reading them... feeling the love you have for RC and CF. I feel like my heart grew ten fold in the few minutes it took me to read these two pages. It's such a wonderful feeling, and I hope that your words reach many, including the two men in my life.

Thank you for sharing and posting. :)

-Jen

Charlie

02-04-2011, 08:33 PM

Thank you, JenAgain, for your kind words. Funny, I started crying reading about your crying. Broke me open that much more.

Dang. Got me all weepy now.

Bless your heart.

Charlie

02-08-2011, 08:50 PM

http://www.chinapage.com/gnl.html

Charlie

02-10-2011, 12:45 PM

"Aloneness is a state of being, whereas loneliness is a state of feeling. It's like the difference between being broke and being poor." - Townes Van Zandt

I am always wary of pontification, narcissism, and arrogance. Sometimes it happens anyway, no matter how much humble pie I eat for dinner.

And I love pie.

There are times when I am reminded of an observation made by a very calm and stoic mentor from my youth. He said this:

"You have to be just arrogant enough to know that you are good, and good enough to be a little arrogant."

Know what you're good at. Own what you are not. And then, get to work.

I am good at being alone. Always have been. Emotional and physical self-sufficiency was instilled in me by both Nature and Nurture, and later, by Empathy and Experience. Likewise, I was born with and encouraged to pursue artistic passions, wandering through my mind, looking for ideas to manifest and emotions to outlet. By and large, this has been a blessing in my life, enabling me to make something out of nothing, to do with what I have, and learn how to fit my own skin.

The down side to being a loner is that, while it has kept me from developing co-dependent relationships, it has also provided me a place, physically and emotionally, to exist isolated from those who would have me be closer. It has always been a struggle for me to balance the inter-personal with the inner person.

What I am trying to say is this:

I am not good at trimming the sails on deck when the ship gets to rocking. Oh, I'm still on board, but you're likely to find me below-deck, carving a new teak figurehead for the bowsprit, or knotting a hammock for a shipmate.

Okay then, enough is enough, I'm putting down my tinkering and coming up topside to see what real work needs doing...

Anchors away.

Catfish

02-10-2011, 03:17 PM

Ahoy.

River

02-10-2011, 03:51 PM

Holy Petunias! No wonder RC and CF love Charlie! What a fine, polished, (pollished? ...) and rustic jewel! I'll have to love him too, then. At some distance. But up close.

This forum has some of the most amazing, glorious human beings in it. It make me proud to be human, overjoyed with hope in us. Thank you and a deep bow.

River

02-10-2011, 04:17 PM

Jealousy. Show me one single relationship, family, friend, or otherwise, that does not have it and I will show you the meaning of the word "apathy".

You're a brilliant man, but what you just said here just ain't so. Sorry. None of us sees the whole puzzle, layed out in pieces.

Jealousy is more like a good piece of firewood. It burns and burns and burns until there's nothing left of it but ashes and soot. It makes smoke while doing this, and pops and crackles. If it's burning real hot it can burn fast and ... a phoenix stretches its wings and ... well, it flies!

The burning need only hurt a moment if'n we're willing.

Charlie

02-11-2011, 09:17 PM

I once stood on the edge of the Badlands naked, a thousand miles from home, in the early Sun of a South Dakota morning. A great friend stood next to me, naked, and we feasted on the lunar landscape before us, as the mosquitoes feasted on our banquet of flesh.

In four thousand miles of that adventure, I took not a single picture. My great friend is no longer such a friend, him being lost to me down a different path. Such is the way of many friendships. It is a hard lesson learned.

That great traveling West was my first in that direction, and the vastness of this country was staggering. In the years that have followed, I have fearlessly traveled hundreds of thousands of miles in the width and breadth of this country, always with hope.

Each time I have set out on the road, I have purged my belongings of excess. In the beginning, it was for the practical considerations of limitations in volume, mass, and money. But alas, form follows function. The lack of possessions soon became spiritually unbinding.

The less I had to manage, the more peace I found. Anything that was not adaptable to multiple uses was left, pawned, or passed on. As I let go of objects, I gained space. As I let go of people, I gained freedom. As I let go of control, I saw open spaces instead of fences.

To a fault, I have at times sacrificed conventional comforts for the sake of mobility and independence. I have relied on reciprocal generosity from time to time for room and board. More often than not, I have paid my way by working hard for my living. The world owes me nothing.

I live within a culture that encourages identity based on possessions and ownership, things that can be stolen, lost, or broken. I live in a culture of excess. I am as much a consumer as the next person and far from being carbon neutral, but I do not collect, and I do not covet.

I am flawed, certainly, but I can stand before the World, naked and unflinching, with the knowledge that all that I can lay honest claim to exists in the nothingness of my mind. What my two hands are able to create out of that nothingness amazes me still and their feats of Creation are a blessing.

That I know nothing of envy or jealousy is a direct result of proactively denying possession, of things, ideas, or love. I believe in stewardship, not ownership, and I do my best as a caretaker. That I have broken things that were in my care is also true, and in those failures I have learned to hold things more lightly.

Do not be fooled by these scars and calloused hands: I am rough only because the World has required it.

I hold this feather gently for you.

River

02-12-2011, 05:31 PM

I believe in stewardship, not ownership ....

Brother!

May this idea touch and bless the whole world!

nycindie

02-12-2011, 10:57 PM

That I know nothing of envy or jealousy is a direct result of proactively denying possession, of things, ideas, or love. I believe in stewardship, not ownership, and I do my best as a caretaker. That I have broken things that were in my care is also true, and in those failures I have learned to hold things more lightly.

Ahh! There it is.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Charlie

02-13-2011, 11:07 PM

My face hurts from smiling so much last night and my ribs hurt from laughing so hard the night before.

A little "hair of the dog", if you will.

Thinking about it over weak coffee this morning, I'm pretty sure the moonshine got passed around last night for the sole purpose of dulling the pain of the laughter.

I am glad for the quart jar of moonshine. I would be in much worse shape today for lack of it.

That my buddy's mom had the foresight to bring such medicinal spirits with her was a blessing.

Moms are good like that.

River

02-13-2011, 11:25 PM

There's a line in a movie that goes... "I'll have what she's having". And the above evokes it. And yet... We seem to be imbibing the same Spirit. Already! May all become so intoxicated!

Charlie

02-15-2011, 12:49 PM

19. Simplify

If we could abolish knowledge and wisdom
Then people would profit a hundredfold;
If we could abolish duty and justice
Then harmonious relationships would form;
If we could abolish artifice and profit
Then waste and theft would disappear.

Yet such remedies treat only symptoms
And so they are inadequate.

People need personal remedies:
Reveal your naked self and embrace your original nature;
Bind your self-interest and control your ambition;
Forget your habits and simplify your affairs.

Charlie

02-15-2011, 05:14 PM

Everyday when I wake from dreaming, my hands lead me back to the World.
How they know the path to consciousness is a mystery.

Here is where my trust of myself begins.

My fingers, still ten in number, gently scrape the sleep from my eyes,
quietly obliging my mind's haste to see.

The blind leading the blind.

I have patient hands. They hover calmly, waiting for my direction, and loyally do my bidding, bleeding silently when I force them to bear it.

They know I will never outlast them.

So, without a pompous word between them, they politely take the lead when asked. Oh my, how they brilliantly shine.

When I give over to them, they show me the way back again.

My hands have taken me places where my body may not follow. In their wake, my soul has been shaken with the power of Creation, Destruction...

It is all the same to them.

When I am my hands, I am kindest to myself.

When I am my hands, I am you.

River

02-15-2011, 05:37 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqMWS-wbuss

Charlie

02-17-2011, 04:56 AM

67. Unimportance

All the world says,
"I am important;
I am separate from all the world.
I am important because I am separate,
Were I the same, I could never be important."

Yet here are three treasures
That I cherish and commend to you:
The first is compassion,
By which one finds courage.
The second is restraint,
By which one finds strength.
And the third is unimportance,
By which one finds influence.

Those who are fearless, but without compassion,
Powerful, but without restraint,
Or influential, yet important,
Cannot endure.

JenAgain

02-18-2011, 04:26 AM

As always.. love your posts Charlie. :) Thank you.

Charlie

02-19-2011, 11:15 PM

My main concern is that polyamorous behavior and its tendency towards honesty, compersion, emotional and spiritual self-sufficiency, and all 'round lovingkindness has the potential to take the "stang" outta the Blues...

No more lyin', cheatin', or low down mistreatin'

Then again, I still miss folks when they're gone.

Charlie

02-25-2011, 12:52 AM

27. Perfection

The perfect traveler leaves no trail to be followed;
The perfect speaker leaves no question to be answered;
The perfect accountant leaves no working to be completed;
The perfect container leaves no lock to be closed;
The perfect knot leaves no end to be ravelled.

So the sage nurtures all men
And abandons no one.
He accepts everything
And rejects nothing.
He attends to the smallest details.

So the strong must guide the weak,
For the weak are raw material to the strong.
If the guide is not respected,
Or the material is not cared for,
Confusion will result, no matter how clever one is.

This is the secret of perfection:
When raw wood is carved, it becomes a tool;
When a man is employed, he becomes a tool;
The perfect carpenter leaves no wood to be carved.

Charlie

03-05-2011, 04:38 AM

80. Utopia

Let your community be small, with only a few people;
Keep tools in abundance, but do not depend upon them;
Appreciate your life and be content with your home;
Sail boats and ride horses, but don't go too far;
Keep weapons and armour, but do not employ them;
Let everyone read and write,
Eat well and make beautiful things.

Live peacefully and delight in your own society;
Dwell within cock-crow of your neighbours,
But maintain your independence from them.

Charlie

03-06-2011, 05:28 AM

You must understand, and this is very simple, that I give love directly and naturally to any and all things. I like the way love feels for the giving.

Rarechild and Catfish are my friends and my family; I love them both, and that's just the way it is.

What I am able to see of myself through their eyes is humbling and fantastic. I remain in awe of their capacity for love, of themselves, of each other, and of me.

What remains of me, physically isolated from them on a daily basis, is a refined version of the ore of myself; I am comforted by my own potential.

I am no charlatan and I am good at what I do. And what I do is live, passionately.

I am a maker of things, of objects and experiences, and it is in this that I shine most brightly.

It is time again for me to shine, brilliantly, vibrantly, coherently, and with clarity. Work awaits me, in the kind I like best, and I assure you it threatens to shake me to my core.

These are my constant daemons, the ones who drive me, fervently, down a path of self examination and cultural filtration. These daemons, my life-long companions, are the caretakers of my soul.

What has this to do with a polyamorous life?

Everything.

To know that I am seen, well and honestly by two enormous souls, is a glass of magnification upon my own image of myself.

Where I shine most brightly is at the edge of my fingertips, past the precipice of self-doubt, and beyond the expectations of my imagination.

It is high time I got to work.

And that's just the way it is.

Rarechild

03-06-2011, 02:30 PM

Charlie

03-07-2011, 02:42 AM

38. Ritual

Well established hierarchies are not easily uprooted;
Closely held beliefs are not easily released;
So ritual enthralls generation after generation.

Harmony does not care for harmony, and so is naturally attained;
But ritual is intent upon harmony, and so can not attain it.

Harmony neither acts nor reasons;
Love acts, but without reason;
Justice acts to serve reason;
But ritual acts to enforce reason.

When the Way is lost, there remains harmony;
When harmony is lost, there remains love;
When love is lost, there remains justice;
But when justice is lost, there remains ritual.

Ritual is the end of compassion and honesty,
The beginning of confusion;
Belief is a colourful hope or fear,
The beginning of folly.

The sage goes by harmony, not by hope;
He dwells in the fruit, not the flower;
He accepts substance, and ignores abstraction.

Charlie

03-12-2011, 10:11 PM

54. Cultivate Harmony

Cultivate harmony within yourself, and harmony becomes real;
Cultivate harmony within your family, and harmony becomes fertile;
Cultivate harmony within your community, and harmony becomes abundant;
Cultivate harmony within your culture, and harmony becomes enduring;
Cultivate harmony within the world, and harmony becomes ubiquitous.

Live with a person to understand that person;
Live with a family to understand that family;
Live with a community to understand that community;
Live with a culture to understand that culture;
Live with the world to understand the world.

How can I live with the world?
By accepting.

Charlie

03-20-2011, 05:24 AM

37. Tranquillity

The Way takes no action, but leaves nothing undone.
When you accept this
The world will flourish,
In harmony with nature.

Nature does not possess desire;
Without desire, the heart becomes quiet;
In this manner the whole world is made tranquil.

Charlie

03-24-2011, 01:21 PM

For most of my adult life, I have worked on houses.

Built them, remodeled them, restored them, fixed them, cussed them, decorated them, and loved them.

Last week, whilst I was grinding a concrete floor, I got a text from Catfish, who was plastering and painting a wall. Then I got a text from Rarechild, who was happily landscaping a yard.

I paused for a moment to daydream.

With our powers combined, there is no home that we could not build together.

Perhaps someday, we will have one humble house each, a place for breaking bread together, a place for making music, and a place for making art.

All with plenty of firewood for the winter and sticks for the dogs to chase.

Catfish

03-24-2011, 02:14 PM

Yes. Yes. Let us build this dream into a magical reality.

Charlie

03-24-2011, 10:45 PM

Truth is, I was a smarty-pants in school. I was gifted, they told me. Special.

Truth is, I rode the short bus to school. They were all slow, they said. Special.

Each morning and each afternoon, I traveled to and from school with a medley of "disabled" kids. They were my friends. Inevitably, these children were made fun of, laugh at, mocked, and marginalized by our classmates. Even as a child I did not suffer fools lightly, and I developed a taste for bully-meat. I was well liked in school, and smart to boot. I learned to use my high IQ and amicable personality as a weapon against bullies, sometimes subjecting them to psychological brow beatings when I was in earshot of their ignorant hazing.

I wish I could say that I was, and am, a totally passive person. I am not. My parents bequeathed to me a passionate heart, and my capacity for great anger is rivaled only by my capacity for great kindness. I believe in the power of love, but there are some hard-cases out there who, in order for them to appreciate said power, need to have their cage rattled. I'm not encouraging violence, as it were, just a well timed and sharpened tongue.

Egotism has a fondness for hierarchy, which is often likened to power and control.

Humbleness has a fondness for appeasement, which is often likened to sacrifice and suppression.

Neither extreme will do. A balance must be struck, an equilibrium maintained. I put myself neither higher nor lower than any other creature.

This is not something that I practice, this is the core of how I live and breathe.

I do not let others command me, or determine my life. I do not like to be told what to do, or how to live. I do not permit others to possess me or my time. I do not encourage others to regard me as their better or lesser. I do not give others stewardship of my happiness.

I am you. We are not only equal, we are part of the same thing.

And if I am you, then I can never become jealous of myself.

Charlie

03-25-2011, 03:06 AM

You must love with complete abandon. That is the only way.

Charlie

03-25-2011, 03:13 AM

This will all be much easier, every friendship, every intimacy, every conversation, every exchange with a stranger, when the people I love, which includes you, finally see themselves as I do.

You are fucking beautiful and what you do is amazing.

Charlie

03-25-2011, 03:15 AM

And also, I make the best damn soft molasses cookies you have ever tasted.

Rarechild

03-26-2011, 08:20 PM

Perhaps someday, we will have one humble house each, a place for breaking bread together, a place for making music, and a place for making art.

All with plenty of firewood for the winter and sticks for the dogs to chase.

Yes. Yes. Let us build this dream into a magical reality.

How in the fuck did I miss this two days ago?

Am I to understand that I can draw something, write it, dream about it and learn the way of doing it, and then it will happen?

This is the most lovely insanity I have ever heard of.

Awestruck.
-R

Charlie

04-05-2011, 03:45 PM

41. Following

When the great man learns the Way, he follows it with diligence;
When the common man learns the Way, he follows it on occasion;
When the mean man learns the Way, he laughs out loud;
Those who do not laugh, do not learn at all.

Therefore it is said:
Who understands the Way seems foolish;
Who progresses on the Way seems to fail;
Who follows the Way seems to wander.

For the finest harmony appears plain;
The brightest truth appears coloured;
The richest character appears incomplete;
The bravest heart appears meek;
The simplest nature appears inconstant.

The square, perfected, has no corner;
Music, perfected, has no melody;
Love, perfected, has no climax;
Art, perfected, has no meaning.

The Way can be neither sensed nor known:
It transmits sensation and transcends knowledge.

Charlie

04-08-2011, 05:48 PM

36. Opposition

To reduce someone's influence, first expand it;
To reduce someone's force, first increase it;
To overthrow someone, first exalt them;
To take from someone, first give to them.

This is the subtlety by which the weak overcome the strong:
Fish should not leave their depths,
And swords should not leave their scabbards.

Charlie

04-08-2011, 07:15 PM

I was brought up to open doors for other people, men and woman, strangers and friends. As a child, I understood this to be both polite and respectful.

Perhaps it is only a cultural peculiarity, but this act of consideration is rarely met without a...

"Thank You" followed by a "You're Welcome"

By putting oneself behind another in this way, several things happen that are indeed contrary to most of Western thinking:

1) You have shown control over your own self interest, humbling yourself.

2) By humbling yourself, you are now in control of the door.

3) Controlling the door, you have become the steward of safe passage, elevating your position over another.

4) Now, provided you do not slam the person's head in the door as they go through it, you have just removed a barrier for someone, shown respect, encouraged trust, and controlled someone's movement through the world in about 5 seconds flat.

All by getting out of the way.

So here's the interesting, transcendental part:

When we do this for ourselves, when we get out of our own way, we open more doors, remove more barriers, and encourage trust in ourselves for our own safe passage. In the end, we get the control we put aside in the first place.

Learn to get out of each others' way, politely.

Then learn to get out of your own way, in much the same manner.

Charlie

04-22-2011, 02:21 AM

I don't even know what to talk about anymore.

Maybe this will help, typing sentences and whatnot.

I suppose I could bend your ear with tales of misadventure in love, how it began, how it went wrong, what I could of, or a particular "she" could of, done better at some critical juncture in the relationship, or how I've never batted an eye at some opportunity to learn more about myself and engage in the glorious bittersweet suffering that is, apparently, the most consistent path to joy and spiritual awakening...

Blah blah blah...blah...

I could, perhaps, express my intimate likes and dislikes, or go on at some length about why I am still wholly monogamous, even as I have developed a flair for the polyamorous...

Would it be classy of me to share how much I love the socks Rarechild bought me...would that help you in any way?

Is it the personal drama that you seek to mirror your own experiences, the "sands-through-the-hourglass" that are the days of my life?...

I don't think I have any answers for anyone but myself, least not answers that can't be found by simply relinquishing ownership and possession of as many things as you possibly can...

I could lead you by the nose to read the writings of a Chinese man that are several centuries old, tell you that in all the pages in all the books I have ever read, I have never found anything so freeing as the eighty-one chapters of observations contained therein...

But I imagine you have enough things to read and enough things to believe in and enough bits of advice being slung your way...

In the end, it doesn't matter what I write; perhaps you read it, maybe you did not...it's all the same to me these days...

If I share my trials and tribulations, there is a chance you will find some connection to your own, but alas, we must still each live our part of this existence in the kind we like best, in our own way, and in our own time...

If I told you how happy I am, how my life is filled with joy and jubilation, creation, hesitation and passion, fear, anger, love, lust, longing, epiphanic moments and hopeful, positive vibrations for the next one...would you wish it were you? Would it sound like your life and if so, well my friend, then we have much bigger work to do than sit around talking about how great our lives are...

One Easter, when I was all of seven or eight years old, I ate all of the white part of six or seven hard-boiled eggs. After breakfast, my Mom told me I had to eat the golf-ball sized green-yellow yolks too. Not being a big fan of green-yellow yolks at the time, I thought the best approach would be to stuff as many of them in my mouth as I could, chew, swallow, repeat, and be done with the whole fiasco in two or three mastications...

Good idea/Bad idea?

Bad idea. Hard-boiled egg yolks are relatively devoid of moisture and I managed to develop a severe case of cotton-mouth in about four chews. By over-correcting and drinking water directly from the tap, I was further able to achieve particle separation of the now chunky-semi-soft-yolks, creating a mixture not unlike vomit in three categories: texture, temperature, and taste...

Well, again, I guess you just had to be there, leaning over the kitchen sink on Easter morning with a belly full of sausages, pancakes, butter, bacon, hashbrowns, whole milk...

Blah blah blah blah...blah.

nycindie

04-23-2011, 11:29 PM

LOL !!! (literally)

Charlie

04-27-2011, 02:15 AM

75. Rebellion

When rulers take grain so that they may feast,
Their people become hungry;
When rulers take action to serve their own interests,
Their people become rebellious;
When rulers take lives so that their own lives are maintained,
Their people no longer fear death.

When people act without regard for their own lives
They overcome those who value only their own lives.

Charlie

04-27-2011, 02:15 AM

72. Revolution

When people have nothing more to lose,
Then revolution will result.

Do not take away their lands,
And do not destroy their livelihoods;
If your burden is not heavy then they will not shirk it.

The sage maintains himself but exacts no tribute,
Values himself but requires no honours;
He ignores abstraction and accepts substance.

Charlie

04-27-2011, 02:18 AM

77. Need

Is the action of nature not unlike drawing a bow?
What is higher is pulled down, and what is lower is raised up;
What is taller is shortened, and what is thinner is broadened;
Nature's motion decreases those who have more than they need
And increases those who need more than they have.

It is not so with Man.
Man decreases those who need more than they have
And increases those who have more than they need.

To give away what you do not need is to follow the Way.
So the sage gives without expectation,
Accomplishes without claiming credit,
And has no desire for ostentation.

Charlie

05-23-2011, 05:05 AM

Just after the World started again, I cracked my knuckles, straightened my chin, hitched up my britches, and got my ass to work in an attempt to let go of the pathetic desire to have someone else prioritize my life for me and tell me what to do next.

Life has never been about easy answers, but I need to start asking myself different questions.

Excuse me while I bare my part of your soul. It is all I can grasp at just now.

I have done many things and I have been wrong about some of them. I have measured my successes in different ways and by different scales at different times. I have trusted my head and trusted my gut and I feel like I just flipped my trusty wooden nickel and it landed on the edge this time.

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense to me either, but I'm not apologizing for it.

Sometimes it feels like I'm two hours from everywhere but where I am.

Charlie

06-10-2011, 06:45 PM

If I could speak to you of all the things that trouble my mind, speak to you in the safest way I know, you would no doubt read, no doubt listen, being the incredible human being that you are.

But there would be nothing to listen to, no words to read.

There would only be the visual vocabulary of my mind: boats and anchors, old toilets with their fouled up plumbing, unicycles trying to find their place in the World, bowler hats beckoning nickels and pennies, effervescing brick facades of closed up theaters and old shoe factories, and questioning fish that balance on a corporate ladder, and discharge pipes clogged up with old ideas that failed to pass muster, among other things.

When you got done looking through this eclectic pile of randomness, you would no doubt have questions.

And I, in love with your humanity, would do my best to try and answer.

Charlie

06-11-2011, 11:31 PM

I love my family.

They are immense, incredible people, capable of surprising me, often by gently challenging my false perceptions of them at any given time.

What I mean is, when too much time has gone by without touching the consciousness of someone in my life, I get weird about it.

But isn't that the constant challenge, managing all of our relationships in a way that does not overwhelm us, but at the same time ensures that our brains don't concoct some personal fiction about what is going on in another person's head.

So much has happened in the last few months and I don't want to burden any sentence with more details than it can bear; however, I believe some milestones have occurred that are worth recognizing.

I feel that a list should be sufficient, if not aesthetically potent.

1.) My dear friend and long time mentor has again taken up the challenge of putting down the bottle. I had a nice personal cry because of the relief this brought me.

2.) Catfish and I took an unspoken emotional communication vacation from one another. I had my anxieties about this for a time, but I just spoke with him on the phone and I am certain he still likes me.

3.) My parents came to visit and finally got to meet Rarechild. This was big for me. We had a very fun day and my Mother invited Rarechild to visit the homestead.

4.) My best friend's mullet grows longer by the day.

5.) Some other things happened...

6.) Catfish and Rarechild's anniversary is coming up very soon, which was just brought to my attention, and, to put it tersely, this brings me great joy.

I love my family.

River

06-12-2011, 01:21 AM

5.) Some other things happened...

A good title for a short novel or a long poem. Doesn't that really say it all! ;)

River

06-12-2011, 01:25 AM

We are such a loose-knit yet closely tied skein of kitty-tangled yarns.

Charlie

06-15-2011, 10:19 PM

Dear Catfish, Dear Rarechild,

In the time and space before we broke ranks with the usual and set out on this journey together, I took you as my Friend, then when I let you in far enough, I called you Sister, I called you Brother.

I call you this even now, because it is not a title or a role, it is a feeling.

It pains me sometimes when I remember how we coexisted in your house together as comrades, and how difficult it is for us now to even move in the same space together. That we have grown closer while simultaneously driving a gentle wedge in our relationship I think is true as well.

I too, dear Catfish, have not felt the freedom to speak my hard thoughts here in this forum. I believe I was waiting for the difficult conversations to pass between us before sharing such things, even in this safe place. I guess I thought I was being patient and allowing some room for breathing, when in fact I may have simply been being negligent.

And too, to you Rarechild, I feel in this way I have been lax in my communication. Where you have been so strong and respectful of the privacy of your loves, wrestling your own struggles, I have struggled with finding the right questions that would satisfy my heart but not ask that you betray boundaries which are not mine to cross.

I have know way of knowing if my words will calm or harm, and I will not be so pretentious as to think that am able to be totally objective and offer any advice. I wonder if maybe it's none of my business, but then, of course it is, as you are my family and I love you. Even as I fear speaking out of turn or saying a wrong thing, I can only say what is in my heart, right here and now.

I have learned and grown enough to know that, in regards to your troubles, I should not be so vain as to think that I am the causing of it all. I am nowhere near that important. That years between you have preceded me is certain, but I am implicit in this struggle where it stands today.

We three each knew we were putting our relationships to each other on the line the minute we agreed to set out together. For my part, I am stuck with my personally quotidian struggle: I never want to break anything and I always want to fix everything.

I have seen you hurt before, as you have seen me. We have had the advantage over many in our chosen life because we have had the time to witness faults, frailties, and fuck ups. You both have seen me struggle through two relationships, one that brought me into your lives, another that took me out, if only for a time.

Would that I could hug you both right now, hard.

Quite plainly, I want to see you TWO happy together, enjoying each other, past this gristly moment and holding hands. And yeah, I have selfish reasons, as always. I take pride in knowing we THREE are healthy, and any illness in a family is bound to get passed around.

On the eve of your anniversary, I gently, if selfishly, ask you both to consider
doing something for me:

Allow me to step back for awhile.

I will still be here, as always, patient and kind as I can be. Unlike prior experiences in my life, this is not me pulling away: This is me holding onto love lightly, as I have learned to do. This is me asking you two to go frolic in a field, romance each other, get out of the house and not consider, even for a minute, me or my place in your life.

That this "V" is physical and emotionally intense at each end goes without saying. It is anything but casual. How could we ever have know what it would look like or how it would feel in practice instead of theory?

Rarechild, I will continue to love you in the best way I know how, through everything, just like always. Even as I know you will understand, I still have to ask: Will you understand if I take the time to breathe on my own, without subconsciously holding my breath waiting for the chance to run around you in circles?

Catfish, would you understand if I told you that I still cannot accept anything that is not given freely, and though both of us know that Rarechild's love is her own to manage, that I feel there is a price being paid and I'm not sure by whom?

Do you understand (of course you do) that I did not pick your tattered names at random from some shiny hat? Quite the contrary. As it were, the Universe shook out its weathered chapeau and your brilliant, glistening selves landed on my head.

A little rain, says the man, never hurt no one.

I love you both.

MonoVCPHG

06-16-2011, 12:10 AM

Respect, Charlie. You have insight and understanding that deserves a tonne of it.

Mono

Charlie

06-16-2011, 04:04 AM

Mono,

Thank you for that, though it doesn't feel that way.

It feels like the hardest thing I have ever said for Love.

It sounds like abandonment, and it feels like anything but.

Even if it's all wrong, at least I know it's honest.

bella123456

06-16-2011, 11:36 AM

Such beauty...

I can not even make words in the face of it.

nycindie

06-16-2011, 11:57 AM

It sounds like abandonment

Oh, no it doesn't. It sounds like love.

MonoVCPHG

06-16-2011, 03:05 PM

Oh, no it doesn't. It sounds like love.

Agreed. The highest form in my eyes.

River

06-16-2011, 03:12 PM

Ain't love beautiful! I wish it upon everyone!

Charlie

06-16-2011, 07:16 PM

I don't know a god-damned thing.

Catfish

06-17-2011, 02:12 PM

I don't know a god-damned thing.

I beg to differ, my friend.

River

06-17-2011, 04:39 PM

I don't know a god-damned thing.

I'll have what he's having. :p

Charlie

07-03-2011, 03:12 AM

“There is no truer and more abiding happiness than the knowledge that one is free to go on doing, day by day, the best work one can do, in the kind one likes best, and that this work is absorbed by a steady market and thus supports one’s own life. ” - R.G. Collingwood

To all of you on this forum and those that make it what it is,

I would like to take this moment, after all that have been before it and before all that will be after it, to say thank you.

Thank you.

Thank for your work.

Thank you for your vulnerability.

Thank you for sharing your humanity and your fair and honest challenge to give the same.

Thank you for living a life that is courageous enough to challenge what you believe, for valuing the gaining of new knowledge as an effect of questioning and not the cause of it.

Thank you for your help.

Lovingly,

Charlie

Charlie

07-04-2011, 06:02 AM

Tonite I held close the questioning of close friends, knowing that their intent was only to understand that which is so foreign to them.

Respect, trust, honesty, integrity, and vulnerability filled the menu, a pleasant accompaniment to the evening's apertifs.

We talked of cancer, death, family, the grief of the living, mistakes of love, and then, quite organically, of polyamory.

There was no judgment, only a line of questioning bent on understanding.

There was no defense, only shrugged shoulder conviction.

No one has to believe what I believe. That is the beauty of a truthful life.

To Catfish and Rarechild: I speak to the World your love for each other easily when asked, proudly when questioned. I leave no doubt in the minds of others that you care for me.

You are glorious.

I love you for all that you are and also for the life you choose.
Your strength and love will never be questioned long by those in my company.