Is thin the only sexy?

[redpepper]

thought this might be interesting to some. :)

http://wholesexlife.com/2010/12/is-thin-the-only-sexy/

[nycindie]

Cool, thanks!

I am a plus-sized woman. I'm on a quest to lose weight, but in learning to appreciate my body and love myself more before I get to goal, I started buying sexy lingerie. My soon-to-be-ex-husband took issue with my weight, so it's important to me to rebuild my confidence in my shape, whether I'm at my goal weight or not.

I buy my lingerie from Hips and Curves (hipsandcurves.com). They sell to big curvy women -- ONLY. Sizes start at 1X, generally. Their model pictures are so freaking hot, it doesn't matter how big the girls are. And it makes me feel sexy just ordering this gorgeous stuff. It's really good quality, too!

Here are some of my favorite plus models from Hips and Curves:
Search-
Boyshorts with garters

Bronwyn steel-boned silk corset

Black bridal veil

Look around the site, it's great!

[Somegeezer]

To me, I think a middle ground is to be had. I want people to be healthy and fit. People who are too thin or too fat just project that they don't care about themselves, so why would they care about a relationship with me?

[nycindie]

People who are too thin or too fat just project that they don't care about themselves, so why would they care about a relationship with me?Oooh, I hate that notion! Makes me so mad when people think that. It's such a selfish viewpoint. Who is anyone else to say I don't care enough about myself because I gain weight? Or that I can't care about anyone else enough? Come on, that's horse shit. Many big curvy women have great self-esteem and love their ample bodies -- and are healthy! Besides, lots of people eat when stressed, you know, or are on medication that causes weight gain (or loss) -- being large doesn't automatically mean they don't care. Or you could see someone who appears heavy and you think, "Ecch, look at her. She doesn't care enough about herself to look presentable or be a healthy weight," and yet what you are unaware of is that she's already put in a lot of effort and lost 75 lbs or something! And has tons of esteem. You'll never find out if you don't let yourself get to know that person.

[Somegeezer]

Being big and being obese are different things though. I've had women who are large who I found very sexy, but there's a fine line between them.

[nycindie]

Medically, I am considered obese. But I still strut my stuff and plenty of men find me attractive. Go figure.

[Fidelia]

Is thin the only sexy?

No, and thanks for asking!

For me, at least, healthy is sexy. Strong is sexy. So is confident, and intelligent. And nycyndie's signature is right: Honesty IS sexy. So are personal integrity and loyalty.

[Somegeezer]

Is thin the only sexy?

No, and thanks for asking!

For me, at least, healthy is sexy. Strong is sexy. So is confident, and intelligent. And nycyndie's signature is right: Honesty IS sexy. So are personal integrity and loyalty.
I like that. I also love nycindie's sig. I actually quoted it on my facebook when I first read it. Health, confidence, intelligence and honesty. Perfect for me.

[Breathesgirl]

We watched Just Wright last night. Queen Latifah's in it.

There was a general consensus that we 1. find Queen Latifah HAWT! 2. would rather be with someone with a little meat on her bones than someone who's all bones & angles like Callista Flockhart (not sure how to spell her first name).

No, thin is NOT the new sexy for US.

There is a thin line between thin & skinny though. Skinny, to me, looks unhealthy thin looks healthy.

Time for work so no time to expound :(.

[TL4everu2]

Ok, I have had sex with skinny women....OBESE women, and women who have a decent figure with a little extra weight on them.

I am fairly athletic and skinny myself. (6'4" tall and only 165 lbs) Two skinny people, doesn't work IMO. LOL It litteraly hurt my pelvis to have sex with a skinny woman.

Having sex with an obese woman, doesn't allow her to position herself in enough pleasurable positions IMO. Now, this doesn't mean she won't enjoy the sex....just that I like to change positions a lot. LOL

Having sex with women with meat on their bones, is PERFECT. I like my women to weigh more than me. They need to be in the 175-250 range, and be at least 5'2" to 6' tall. This way, they have a figure (not a shape...round is a shape ya know...a FIGURE) AND, they can move around and change positions mid way if we decide to do so. Also, more positional options are available to us.

My wife is a well built woman....so is our girlfriend. I find them BOTH sexy as hell. Do I like to LOOK at thinner women? Yes, I do. But I wouldn't choose to sleep with them. I've done it, and it doesn't work for me.

[whatamIdoing]

i was SMO last year. so was my DH...
I had gastric bypass and now I'm still considered overweight but I'm not skinny. I have a lot of padding around my hips and belly due to excess skin.

I like a man or a woman with some padding. I don't like skinny. I don't like bony and yet here I am with bony shoulders... ankles and wrists. After plastics my hips will stick out too... when I lay down you can see ribs..even with the layer of skin padding me...

healthy and fit is sexy.

I am healthy and fit. I can walk forever.. I can run a little but I don't cause I'm old and it hurts my joints. I can do yoga for hours.. and not just sitting and meditating.. I have heavy dense muscles.

People that assume that fat or overweight folks are slobs or don't care about themselves have no clue... I struggled so hard to try to lose weight and NOTHING I did would budge me under 200 and at under 5'3" that's still obese.

heck 180 renders me obese still...

I'm still overweight by the charts... but not to look at me or hug my bony body....

[marksbabygirl]

To me, I think a middle ground is to be had. I want people to be healthy and fit. People who are too thin or too fat just project that they don't care about themselves, so why would they care about a relationship with me?

Yeah... that gets my hackles up.

I have, for about 5 years, hovered around 230-250. Flattish belly, great figure, and lots of energy. I made noises about wanting to lose weight, but really, I was happy.

Then stress hit.

My husband had 2 heart attacks. I lost what I thought was a secure job. Then I lost a 2nd job. Then I started another job. Then we got involved in poly.

My figure changed. I am now round, more barrell shaped, have excess fat where before was tightness and tautness, and stepped on the scale this morning to discover I have broken yet another one of my personal "I'll never weigh that much" lines.

Is it because I don't care about myself? Nope - I do.. and am working on it.

Likely had we not had as much of a stressful year as we had, I would have not gained or continued on the losing track.

So making an assumption based on what someone looks like - you may lose out on a really great person.

Sexy is an attitude. Its a state of mind. Its a state of confidence. It has nothing to do with body size or shape.

[cheyennenovo]

Not only is the question pretty easy, but most of the contributors here have said it in different ways.

Not only is "sexy" independent from "thin," but folks who don't know any better simply miss the opportunity to experience what's possible outside their prejudice.

't's okay though. the loss may not seem significant to either side. :p

Chey

[Fidelia]

People who are too thin or too fat just project that they don't care about themselves, so why would they care about a relationship with me? Okay, wow. Let the shit-storm begin . . .

Oooh, I hate that notion! Makes me so mad when people think that. It's such a selfish viewpoint. Who is anyone else to say I don't care enough about myself because I gain weight? Or that I can't care about anyone else enough? Come on, that's horse shit. . . .


Yeah... that gets my hackles up.

Before any more of the polypeeps jump on Somegeezer like a chicken on a June bug in defense of beautiful bodies of every size, I would like to point out that according to his profile, this "geezer" is 18. I know when I was 18 I bought a lot of the crap that I heard out in the world, like "fat people don't care about themselves" and "you can't be too rich or too thin." Hell, when I was 18 I actually thought women were supposed to look like what I saw in the media!

I hope those of us who are triggered by his comment can take a moment, take a breath, and then take advantage of this opportunity to educate rather than castigate.

ADDITIONALLY: he also said: Health, confidence, intelligence and honesty. Perfect for me. I love this thought. I never would have been this aware at his age.

Another post I love:
Having sex with women with meat on their bones, is PERFECT. I like my women to weigh more than me. They need to be in the 175-250 range, and be at least 5'2" to 6' tall. This way, they have a figure (not a shape...round is a shape ya know...a FIGURE) AND, they can move around and change positions mid way if we decide to do so. Also, more positional options are available to us.

My wife is a well built woman....so is our girlfriend. I find them BOTH sexy as hell. Do I like to LOOK at thinner women? Yes, I do. But I wouldn't choose to sleep with them. I've done it, and it doesn't work for me.
TL4everu2, you are my kinda man. (You are a man, aren't you? Doesn't matter . . . grrr! ;))

[MonoVCPHG]

Boney or very lean athletic are not my preferences. I like woman soft and well....feminine.
RP is just perfect! xoxoxoox

[marksbabygirl]

[QUOTE=Fidelia;55928]I hope those of us who are triggered by his comment can take a moment, take a breath, and then take advantage of this opportunity to educate rather than castigate.[QUOTE]

I had a long post typed out - I deleted it.

My intent was to educate. I'm aware of how old he is.

[TL4everu2]

You are a man, aren't you? Yes....I was the last time I went to the restroom. Things could have changed since then though...It's been a couple hours now. LOL :p

[Somegeezer]

I like how most of the people who have a problem with my words only seem to be quoting on the part about being obese, when I clearly state the opposite is also just as bad. Keyword here? HEALTHY. Obese is not healthy. Neither is malnutrition. Yes I am also 18. This means nothing. So the average 18 year old is on par with a 5 year old in terms of attitude, but I'm not one of them. Not everyone adheres to a stereotype. I see a lot of people on here who are in their 50s and 60s. How are they even able to use a computer? Because they aren't like the rest of the stereotype. So I'm shallow... Who isn't? The first thing that attracts any 2 people is the way they look. If you didn't like the way they looked, you'd never approach them to find that more important personality. That's life. Get over it already.

[whatamIdoing]

The first thing that attracts any 2 people is the way they look. If you didn't like the way they looked, you'd never approach them to find that more important personality.

funny that's not the case with me currently. While my husband is my physical type, my BF is NOT.... I don't really care for his looks at all.... and while my husband at 290 pounds has perfect health numbers my very slender BF does not... go figure.

[TL4everu2]

When you mature, you will realize that there is more to a person than just their looks.

[NeonKaos]

SG comes across to me as more mature than the "average" 18 year-old. Because he said one comment that was kind of ignorant, does not mean that he deserves to have this "age-ist" back-lash. Having said that (and this is me speaking as ME, not as a moderator), I find some of SG's phrasing a bit predictable and quaint, as Fidelia said, "things I used to say or think when I was your age". When I was 18, 20, 22, etc. I used to HATE when people said this kind of stuff to me!

HOWEVER - regarding the statement about fat or skinny not caring about themselves enough to care about a relationship with SG:

I read that and thought "Well that's HIS loss. It's not MY problem." There are some people who might feel compelled to "educate" SG in order to fight against oppression and marginalization, and that's all good, but it's not my thing. I tend to be lazy.

[NeonKaos]

Oh - as far as the original question - I think that a fat person with confidence is very attractive. I appreciate it when fat people can say they are "fat" and it's not meant or perceived as an insult. Autumnal Tone has talked about this before.

[nycindie]

Just to be clear, my response to Somegeezer was not meant as an attack. It was just a rebuttal and expression of my frustration with something he wrote, which I've often heard by others before. I have no problem with someone saying they're only attracted to thin or fit people (I mean, everyone has preferences), it was the "not caring enough" that set me off. I was reacting to that way of thinking, but I was not offended and I don't have a problem with you, Somegeezer. Not at all. I enjoy reading your posts on this forum and often find your clarity and insight refreshing, though you are less than half my age. Just because I take issue with something you said, and felt the need to express that, doesn't mean I was attacking you and I certainly hope I didn't come off like I was attacking you, even though my words may have been somewhat strong. I did "hear ya" when you included underweight people in your first post, but I can only speak from the opposite side, since I don't think I've ever been underweight, LOL. Anyway, I apologize if my reaction started a shitstorm, I didn't mean it to.

As for the topic, I think it's pretty clear that everyone has their own ideas of what sexy is, and it isn't always thin. Recently, I've got to having lost almost 30 lbs, and a friend of mine set me up with a friend of his, saying, "You're losing weight, and looking real good. I think so-and-so will dig you." Okay, so at first I was feeling great because, hey, I have a crush on my friend and he noticed that I've been working hard on this and he said I look good -- yay, me! -- but then the guy he sets me up with is overweight. Not that I minded, I found him attractive and we really got along and had a good time, but it just makes me wonder about people's standards. Here is this guy, 6'5" and 280, and our mutual friend only wants to set me up with him when I get to a weight that he thinks is more appealing -- yet I'm sure his friend and I would've enjoyed each other's company 30 lbs ago. Now, maybe it has to do with the fact that I have been dressing sexier since having lost the weight, but people are funny, aren't they?

[NeonKaos]

it is also okay to say that you're not attracted to certain body-types or that fatness turns you off.

it is inaccurate to say that "fat people are [this way] when it comes to their relationships". the only thing all fat people have in common is that they are fat. any assumptions made beyond that say something about the person making the assumptions, not about the fat people.

[NeonKaos]

nycindie - just want to re-iterate that i agree with you about the "not caring enough" statement, that just because someone is over or under weight does not mean they don't care enough about themselves to be able to care for another person in a relationship. that's just bogus. not all people who have weight issues have self-esteem issues, and not all people with self-esteem issues are ill-equipped to be in a healthy relationship. it's all about working with what you have, not blaming others for your own shortcomings, taking responsibility for your own words and actions, and so forth.

[NeonKaos]

Well everything said on the internet should always be assumed as opinion.

>snip<

I'm hoping that paragraph is less offensive and easier to understand what I'm trying to get out.

Unfortunately, you have achieved the opposite effect. The more you say, the less sense you make, and the more you sound like an [ad-hominem].

But that's JMO of course.

[whatamIdoing]

Unfortunately, you have achieved the opposite effect. The more you say, the less sense you make, and the more you sound like an [ad-hominem].

But that's JMO of course.


well actually it's mine too...

[NeonKaos]

well actually it's mine too...


there is plenty to go around.

[Somegeezer]

Unfortunately, you have achieved the opposite effect. The more you say, the less sense you make, and the more you sound like an [ad-hominem].

But that's JMO of course.
Problem half solved. Go delete the ones I couldn't and I'll leave this thread in peace.

[AutumnalTone]

As some folks here know, I shoot nude art photography. I've worked with women with nearly every sort of body shape. I can say that I've captured images that show every single one of them can look sexy hot.

That's the appearance side of things. In terms of the non-physical, I've found that how sexy and appealing these women are has absolutely no correlation to how they look. Some who look hot from most any angle simply aren't very enticing otherwise. Others can turn my insides all woogly (that's a technical term) while swathed in burlap.

The original blog post linked to dealt with appearance, however. As mentioned above, I've captured beauty from all sorts of bodies from size 0 up, with and without stretch marks, with and without scars, etc., etc., etc. I've found that how sexy each looks is only a matter of the process of viewing, residing primarily in the decision to look for that beauty.

I find women physically sexy who aren't of the shape I personally prefer. It'd take finding them sexy in non-physical fashions for me to want to date them, of course, though I fully understand that my personal preferences don't determine the whole of what is or isn't attractive.

[Rarechild]

I have never had a preferred body type. It's all in the eyes for me at first, and then the pleasure of discovering the rest, how deep the beauty goes. If you were to line up all the people I've dated you would see every body type, both genders, many skin tones, hair colors, styles of bearing and dress.

Every one beautiful in their own way. Every one flawed in their own way, it's part of the beauty.

The soul is the sexiest thing about a person to me, and though I have been deceived by a beautiful pair of eyes that went hollow with time, I can say with certainty that skinny/thin has never had anything to do with my perception of a person's sexual energy.

Sexiness beneath the surface-eyes, hands, laughter, kindness, self-love, searching, growth, that's what does it for me.

-R

[Vinccenzo]

For every body type, there is someone who will find it desirable. I learned that lesson young when an ex went on to only date plumper women. I thought I was all hot, but clearly he thought I could stand to gain some weight. :p

[Erin]

Is thin the only sexy?
Hell no!
Personality, confidence, the ability to be sexually open, and the eyes... it's always about the eyes...

[TL4everu2]

For every body type, there is someone who will find it desirable. Something I like to say is this: There is a lid for every pot...Some pots have two or three lids, and some lids, will fit more than one pot. ;)

[redpepper]

I'm loving all the responses here... ! I had no idea that the link I posted would be of such interest. I'm glad.

For the record there is nothing like a knowledgeable, confident, round and fun lovin' person. grrr....

Someone who knows themselves and is willing to give and be given too all in the realm of exploration and open communication is what excites me.

The size of their structure is somewhat of an issue as I like to be able to pin them down and I am 145 lbs 5'2" that is not easily accomplished sometimes unless the person is willing to submit. :D:p so ya, attitude is everything.

[Sapphire]

Im not even going to go into what I weigh, but lets just say I exceed the weight limit for trampolines, most camping chairs, and the operating tables at the local hospital.

I have ALWAYS been huge, and up until a few years ago, I was always FIT with it. I could go all day - work in the paddocks, do fencing, stack hay, ride horses all day and not be 'dead' half way through. Fit, thinner and thin people could not keep up with me.

When I got sick - well, with THIS lot of stuff, I could no longer do the things I used to, and I have suffered big time because of it.

I barely eat, however due to my health I am restricted in my movement and am not very mobile at all these days. I am generally not allowed to play with sharp objects or go play with the horses outside on my own as I tend to pass out, which as you could imagine, is not real good!

My health condition has nothing to do with my 'size' - its something that does not discriminate at all, and my doctors have actually told me to eat more salt, something someone of my size generally does NOT get told to do.

My blood pressure is too low most of the time, and while yes my skeletal pain is not helped by my weight - it wasnt caused by my weight - when I was able to move around and do stuff, it didnt cause an issue at all.

I am trying desperately to lose weight, and apart from having gastric banding done, I have tried pretty much everything. I am in a catch 22 situation - I need to excersise to lose some weight, but I cant excersise because of my health.

A lot of days I just want to give up.

My husband says he finds me attractive still - I personally dont feel it, but his perception of me is obviously much different to my own perception of myself.

I get so sick of people who label 'skinny' people as people who starve themselves and are that way because they did it to themselves, or people my size, the same way - but overeaters. And do you KNOW how horrid it is to have people stare at you if you go out for dinner and happen to have something a bit naughty?? They all assume you eat that stuff ALL the time. :(

Skinny people and fat people do not CHOOSE to be that way for the most part. There are many health issues that mean that their bodies dont cooperate with them the way they wish.

I have never looked at anyone in terms of attractiveness based on the size of their body. I am a sucker for eyes, a smile and a sense of humor. Those three things are what get me in a person.

[NeonKaos]

i'm just curious and don't mean this disrespectfully at all, but you mentioned being too heavy for the operating table, yet riding horses. Isn't there a weight limit to what horses can carry? From your description, it sounds like you weigh at least 300 pounds, and that seems like a lot for a horse to carry on its back.

[SourGirl]

Horses work on a form-to-function rule. People have tried to come up with weight % of what a horse can carry, but really it`s relative to the conformation of the animal, and the breed. There are small and mighty breeds that can carry a lot, while some large breeds might have to stick to the weight ratio rule.

If the horse`s conformation allows for a short back, good hocks, and strong feet(bones in the hooves, specifically), and good 'bone' then there is a good chance plenty of horses can carry a 300 lb person.

Usually the trial is more with getting on and off the animal, then in potentially hurting the horse.

[Sapphire]

No worries NeonKaos, fair question :)

What SourGirl said is dead true. Depends on the horses conformation, breed, and type.

We have rather heavily built horses and they are the ones I hop on from time to time. I also drive one of them in the cart and harness - no 'weight' on the horse with a cart - they are just moving it along on its wheels.

I am certainly not silly about what horses I ride and wont get on a horse not built right for me. And yes, getting on an off is what can be the main issue - using a mounting block ensures that there is not excess weight on the horses back or the saddle twisting it as a heavy person tries to get on.

I am also a 'light rider' as I have been told by many riding instructors I have had over the years - meaning that I sit balanced and its not an 'effort' for the horse in the way that I ride.

I know people who are stick figures who ride like a sack of potatoes and that makes it sooooo hard for the horse.... having someone bouncing up and down on them all the time and their weight not in the correct position is no fun.

If ANY horse I got on happened to groan or feel not right under me, I would be off like a shot.

[NeonKaos]

Thank you; I'm not a horse-person, so I need these things explained to me.

[TL4everu2]

Neon, if you were a horse-person, you would be a centaur. :p

[NeonKaos]

Neon, if you were a horse-person, you would be a centaur. :p



I am a centaur, like redpepper and many others here.

[TL4everu2]

I am a centaur, like redpepper and many others here.LOL Niiiice!

[Mohegan]

I am trying desperately to lose weight, and apart from having gastric banding done, I have tried pretty much everything. I am in a catch 22 situation - I need to excersise to lose some weight, but I cant excersise because of my health.

A lot of days I just want to give up.

My husband says he finds me attractive still - I personally dont feel it, but his perception of me is obviously much different to my own perception of myself.



I totaly get the trying but can't. I have to do low impact and be very cautious in how I work out. It's been a slow going fight. I have just this year kept a stable weight, so I am hoping 2011 will be my year to knock some of the weight off, but I know it'll take quite awhile, going the pace my body needs to keep from hurting.

Karma has told me there were times when I was thin that I was unattractive and times when I've been heavy that I've been very attractive. It's all in my personality and how I hold myself.

When I'm feeling confident and good about things, I can still turn heads. When I'm feeling down, in pain, or just not caring, I know people whisper behind my back.

My type has always been the big muscled jock. Football and hockey players. Body build wise, Karma is not my type, nor I his, but our connection throws all that out the window. As far as women, I need to see muscle tone. Big, small doesn't matter. But I need to see the athleticism. I think part of it is because it is something I prided myself on for so long, and no longer have.

[SNeacail]

Karma has told me there were times when I was thin that I was unattractive and times when I've been heavy that I've been very attractive. It's all in my personality and how I hold myself.

When I'm feeling confident and good about things, I can still turn heads. When I'm feeling down, in pain, or just not caring, I know people whisper behind my back.

Definitely this!

Taking care and pampering yourself, including getting a good hair cut regularly and making sure your clothes fit properly can do a lot for yourself esteem. For some reason, it's easier to exercise and eat healthy when you feel good about yourself.

About 4 years ago, I was skiing 2 days every weekend (kid was on the ski team) and walking 3-4 days a week. I was probably in the best shape I'd been in since high school, yet I was still just under 200lbs. I could keep up with my brother, who is extremely athletic and strong (and weights less than me). Fact was that I could out ski about 80% of the people at our local mountains. It was really fun to show off that this plus size girl could kick their but on a pair of skis:p.

[Derbylicious]

What's sexy about someone has a lot less to do with their shape and more to do with their eyes and smile and a fearlessness about being themselves. I tend to be attracted to people who are a little bit different, who don't fall into the typical run of the mill "pretty" category (that includes ultra-thin). I tend to like curvy or athletic women and men who are cuddly.

[TL4everu2]

What's sexy about someone has a lot less to do with their shape and more to do with their eyes and smile and a fearlessness about being themselves. I tend to be attracted to people who are a little bit different, who don't fall into the typical run of the mill "pretty" category (that includes ultra-thin). I tend to like curvy or athletic women and men who are cuddly.You would hate me then. I'm super skinny.:p



No...Really. I'm 6'4" and only 170 lbs! :eek:

[Derbylicious]

You would hate me then. I'm super skinny.:p



No...Really. I'm 6'4" and only 170 lbs! :eek:

Yep, too skinny for me! But then again if I was to judge when I am at my thinest I'M too skinny for me...5'5" and 125 (I'm currently slightly heavier than that).

[FlameKat]

I've hesitated jumping in on this thread as I come in right at the other end of the scale... I wouldn't even fit in the featherweight category :p

I am borderline healthy for my height.. 161cm and approx.. 46k at last weigh (I think)... I tend not to weigh myself as I get depressed that I *HAVE* to eat more... (which is not to say that I am anorexic or bulimic (as I am not - I have been to a doc and checked - I just have extremely efficient metabolism, and low blood pressure (which means I get to eat salty stuff like its going out fashion :D)

***********

I have to agree with the last posts - it's all in your own self-esteem... I do not find myself attractive... but, I am confident (to a large degree) in myself, I am happy and mostly outgoing... the world at large seems to find these qualities attractive, and therefore views me as being attractive and approachable. Go figure. :p

One of these days I plan to start weight training in an effort to build some muscle to help with the body mass thing... one day :D

[Ariakas]

A a larger fella, I don't tend to think one way or the other. I am not a fan of the extremes especially when they involve poor health. At 6'5 and 280...at this height the smallest I had been was 222 when I was in great shape. I am most confident at...250 to 260 (my "playing" weight). 222 was too small, I was judging myself based on my skinny face etc. Anyways thats besides the point.

past that, its all about the confidence. If you have it, people see it. If you don't...people will look right past you. Find what works for you and work towards it.

[nycindie]

Ariakas, the guy I just started seeing is about the same size as you, 6'5" and about 275. He has a round belly and is totally bald. None of that matters. He's got confidence and swagger, and totally turns me on!

[TL4everu2]

Ariakas, the guy I just started seeing is about the same size as you, 6'5" and about 275. He has a round belly and is totally bald. None of that matters. He's got confidence and swagger, and totally turns me on!"swagger"....New word, old word. :rolleyes: The word's been around for centuries, yet had lost it's meaning and use for many years until about 2 or 3 years ago. WTF does it mean? What IS "swagger" now? :p I think that too many younger people use this word, to describe the way a man holds himself, rather than the way he walks. ;)

[nycindie]

"swagger"....New word, old word. :rolleyes: The word's been around for centuries, yet had lost it's meaning and use for many years until about 2 or 3 years ago. WTF does it mean? What IS "swagger" now? :p I think that too many younger people use this word, to describe the way a man holds himself, rather than the way he walks. ;)Well, I don't know how younger people use it, and don't really care, as the word never fell into disuse for me. I meant the way he struts, but I did use it as a noun, which means a swaggering manner. As a verb, it means the way someone walks. I am a writer (and former spelling bee champion! Woo-hoo) who helps tutor college kids in English, so I am aware of the words I use.

[eklctc]

I guess it depends on how you define 'obese'. If it's clinically, well, that wouldn't prevent a woman from variety during sex. Even if the woman is bigger, that really doesn't have a lot to do with sexual ability. Personally, I've always been a very flexible woman and even now with 50lbs to lose, I am still very flexible. The skinny, fit, or average-sized chicks have always been amazed. I had an ex-girl who was 5'4" and about 100lbs who could not get fucked bent at the waist with her hands on the floor though I could. I can still do that, as well as, put my legs behind my neck, and so on. With that said, unless we are talking about obese as in 'reality TV shows', I am not of the mindset that weight is a big hindurance.

Funny thing is...I run into a lot of guys seeking to have sex with bigger women. A lot say the sex with smaller chicks is lacking and there have been various reasons why ranging from someone women not building their skill because they are smaller and assumably more attractive, thereby, feeling just the fact they have maintained that and are sharing the ass, a guy should be grateful to guys not being able to girls just being too thin and fragile for somethings. They say bigger women are more exploring and confident sexually plus many are more skilled because they've had to work harder in appealing to partners and maintaining relationships (this is just what I've been told).

With that said, I'm what they consider here in Colorado as a small BBW. I am 5'6", 214lbs and shaped like a pear. I wear a 14-16 top and a 18-20 bottom. I am working daily on losing weight just so that I can build my endurance for other things I am pursuing (dance, volleyball, rollerblading) not to catch up with this society's view of 'beauty'. I don't want to be a small chick. I've always been hippy with more ass than average and I want to continue to be that. I just want to get my ass in a size 16 bottom and I'm content. :D

[Magdlyn]

Funny thing is...I run into a lot of guys seeking to have sex with bigger women. A lot say the sex with smaller chicks is lacking and there have been various reasons why ranging from someone women not building their skill because they are smaller and assumably more attractive, thereby, feeling just the fact they have maintained that and are sharing the ass, a guy should be grateful to guys not being able to girls just being too thin and fragile for somethings. They say bigger women are more exploring and confident sexually plus many are more skilled because they've had to work harder in appealing to partners and maintaining relationships (this is just what I've been told).

\

Those are probably both myths. I think lots of men like voluptuous women just because they like good sized tits and a full ass! Current media ideas of female beauty be damned.

[eklctc]

No, Magdlyn, they're not myths. They may not be prominent in various areas but Myths they are not. I've spent enough time in the 'sex' lifestyle having conversations and doing studies with men and women to know better than that. Additionally, size doesn't necessarily have anything to do with big ass and tits. I'm a C cup but I'm a bigger woman yet my last girl was a DD and a size 14. My ass has always been full and plump whether I was wearing a size 10 or a size 18. I know some really big women who have, as we like to say, 'noassatall'. Hips and ass are too different things. Additionally, we are making a big generalization. All men are not crazy about tits and/or ass in various degrees.

Personally, I enjoy sex more with bigger women myself because there. There is something more freeing about most of them (not all because my last wasn't all that in bed). I think it is because they have had to spend more time building themselves up and making sure they are on top of their game to get with they want compared to the amount of effort a more physically attractive, 'ideal' weight woman has to exert.

[Magdlyn]

That may be true for young, green girls. I think older women, big or small, get better in bed just because it's fun for themselves to be adventurous, not to merely attract or please a partner.

[NeonKaos]

That may be true for young, green girls. I think older women, big or small, get better in bed just because it's fun for themselves to be adventurous, not to merely attract or please a partner.

i don't know about you, but when I was "young and green" I was skinny AND adventurous.

So, i think these "studies" need to be taken with a grain of salt.

[eklctc]

That would be another generalization. All older women don't get better in bed nor do they care do so. Some have sucked all of their lives. It has nothing to do with age or size. It's all about mindset. My last girl is an older woman and is mediocre. My mother and aunts are mediocre as well (How do I know this? Because I am open and candid with everyone which, for some reason, makes people feel more comfortable in sharing with me. Go figure). Also, getting 'better' in bed doesn't necessarily equate to being more 'adventurous' in bed. Still two different things. Case and point ... I can spend a great deal of time perfecting my head skills. That doesn't mean I'm more adventurous. Some people allow themselves to be more exploring and open sexually, thereby, broadening their ability to inquire and experiment. Some do feel like they have something to prove and that is their motivation to become better sexually. Ultimately, building your sexual skill set should, not only be about pleasing your partners, but also about learning yourself and what works for you.

[eklctc]

@neon- lol. I'm with you. I was the same when I was young and green (well I was never really 'green' unfortunately). And, now, I'm bigger, nastier, and adventurous. :D

[illusion010101]

curves, curves , curves. I love women with curves. My ladies are very different body types, both have a little extra, and the only thing i would change about either one of them is there self image. they are both concerned about how others see them and my telling them there are sexy has fallen on deaf ears in the past.

Now that we are all together its more difficult for them to ignore when I say they are sexy because i have back up. in another post a comment was made that " when one person tells you your a ass you can ignore it, when two people tell you, its harder to ignore" this works in a positive way as well.

slowly my ladies are coming to the realization that they are fine looking women and are extremely desirable. I'm worried I may have to start carrying a stick around to scare off all the suitors.

[Charlie]

Well, I don't know how younger people use it, and don't really care, as the word never fell into disuse for me. I meant the way he struts, but I did use it as a noun, which means a swaggering manner. As a verb, it means the way someone walks. I am a writer (and former spelling bee champion! Woo-hoo) who helps tutor college kids in English, so I am aware of the words I use.

I got a buddy whose got swagger. He even swaggers when he staggers. He's shown me the real meaning of the word, the one Funk and Wagnall know nothing about. Swagger is a state of feeling. To swagger, is a state of being. Kind of like what Townes Van Zandt said about feeling lonely and being alone.

[TL4everu2]

I got a buddy whose got swagger. He even swaggers when he staggers. He's shown me the real meaning of the word, the one Funk and Wagnall know nothing about. Swagger is a state of feeling. To swagger, is a state of being. Kind of like what Townes Van Zandt said about feeling lonely and being alone.This would be an incorrect use of the word. ;) A person's swagger, is the way they walk. Not the way the present themselves, or a state of feeling, as you put it. That would be the NEW meaning of the old word. ;)

[nycindie]

This would be an incorrect use of the word. ;) A person's swagger, is the way they walk. Not the way the present themselves, or a state of feeling, as you put it. That would be the NEW meaning of the old word. ;)Sorry, but you are mistaken. In my hardcopy Third Edition of the American Heritage Dictionary, last reprinted 15 years ago in 1996, the definitions of swagger are below:


swag·ger (swăg' ər) v. -gered, -ger·ring, -gers. —intr. 1. To walk or conduct oneself with an insolent or arrogant air; strut. See Synonyms at strut. 2. To brag or boast. —tr. To browbeat or bully (someone). —swagger n. 1. A swaggering movement or gait. 2. Boastful or conceited expression; braggadocio. [Probably frequentative of SWAG] —swag'gerer n. —swag-geringly adv.

It is not just about a way of walking, and has long had multiple meanings, that are still used today.

[TL4everu2]

Sorry, but you are mistaken. In my hardcopy Third Edition of the American Heritage Dictionary, last reprinted 15 years ago in 1996, the definitions of swagger are below:


swag·ger (swăg' ər) v. -gered, -ger·ring, -gers. —intr. 1. To walk or conduct oneself with an insolent or arrogant air; strut. See Synonyms at strut. 2. To brag or boast. —tr. To browbeat or bully (someone). —swagger n. 1. A swaggering movement or gait. 2. Boastful or conceited expression; braggadocio. [Probably frequentative of SWAG] —swag'gerer n. —swag-geringly adv.

It is not just about a way of walking, and has long had multiple meanings, that are still used today.Last reprinted 15 years ago. New meaning of an old word.

[Magdlyn]

Last reprinted 15 years ago. New meaning of an old word.

Just because it was printed 15 yrs ago doesnt mean swagger as defined as braggadocio is a new meaning! lol

Now, frenemy is a new word. Also fairly new are the new meanings of twitter and tweet, gate rape, asshat, douchenozzle, da bomb, dope, bling, woot, good china, gangsta, youtube, beyotch, fuckbuddy, sike (psych), shizz or shizznit, bro, brosef, gay (meaning not cool), fundie, mofo, and dozens more.

[NeonKaos]

Last reprinted 15 years ago. New meaning of an old word.

Just because it was printed 15 yrs ago doesnt mean swagger as defined as braggadocio is a new meaning! lol




Yes, I didn't quite follow that logic either. Just because something appeared in a dictionary 15 years ago doesn't mean it never existed before that. It just means that it is AT LEAST 15 years old, which in turn means that it was not invented by people who are in a certain age group today, and that it pre-dates things like Wikipedia and Twitter.

[Charlie]

of interest to this poly community may be a quote from my old cross country coach and geometry (polygon) teacher:

"You have to be good enough to be a little arrogant, and arrogant enough to know that you are good."

In a word, swagger.

[NeonKaos]

of interest to this poly community may be a quote from my old cross country coach and geometry (polygon) teacher:



Yes, but HOW "old"? Was this before or after 1996?

[SNeacail]

Welcome to the English language folks. Lots of words have multiple meanings and have for hundreds of years, get over it already.

[nycindie]

Just because it was printed 15 yrs ago doesnt mean swagger as defined as braggadocio is a new meaning! lolExactly! I was first aware of the words swagger and braggadocio as synonyms in the 70s, for goodness sakes.

Now, frenemy is a new word. Also fairly new are the new meanings of twitter and tweet, gate rape, asshat, douchenozzle, da bomb, dope, bling, woot, good china, gangsta, youtube, beyotch, fuckbuddy, sike (psych), shizz or shizznit, bro, brosef, gay (meaning not cool), fundie, mofo, and dozens more.Yes, I just learned the currently popular new meaning given to the word, "taint." I believe Jon Stewart is responsible for that one.

[Morningglory629]

thought this might be interesting to some. :)

http://wholesexlife.com/2010/12/is-thin-the-only-sexy/

Love my curves and so do my fellas!:p

[TL4everu2]

Just because it was printed 15 yrs ago doesnt mean swagger as defined as braggadocio is a new meaning! lol

Now, frenemy is a new word. Also fairly new are the new meanings of twitter and tweet, gate rape, asshat, douchenozzle, da bomb, dope, bling, woot, good china, gangsta, youtube, beyotch, fuckbuddy, sike (psych), shizz or shizznit, bro, brosef, gay (meaning not cool), fundie, mofo, and dozens more.I'm only 40....And to hear the word used to describe a person as anything other than the way they walk, is odd to me. Never heard of it this way until about two years ago. :confused:
As for the other words,

Frenemy is a new word...Not an old word with a new meaning.

Twitter: Definatly an old word with a new meaning.

Tweet: Again, same as twitter.

"Gate rape": I've never heard of this phrase or grouping of words yet until now.

Asshat: I've used this word since the 80's. Didn't know it was anything other than slang.

douchenozzel: Again, it is an apparatus, but it is generally used as slang.

"da bomb": slang

dope: Used in many many different ways since it's inception. Most recently heard by me; "That car is SO DOPE!" New meaning for an old word.



I could go on an on as you have, but I'm too bored and tired. LOL

I get the picture, but the reality is that swagger has been being used in an odd context more recently. It's the way our english language evolves. I don't think I ever said it was a "bad thing", but it is definatly odd...at least to an older generation anyway. I'm just not up on all the "hip new lingo" now. I guess I'm getting "old".:rolleyes:



Hey you whipper snappers! Get away form my porch! LOL

[Charlie]

yes, but how "old"? Was this before or after 1996?
1992

[TL4everu2]

Oh yeah....Is thin the only sexy? ;)

[Charlie]

No, thin is not the only sexy.

[Magdlyn]

"Gate rape": I've never heard of this phrase or grouping of words yet until now.


Gate rape is what you experience getting x-rayed or patted down at airport security.

Play on the phrase date rape which is also a newish term. I was date raped back in 1975 and I didn't realize it til decades later.

[Ohiogrl]

My metabolism is a wreck. I could be 150 which isn't bad because I am tall, but two years later I could be 200. Then two years later back to 150. I jump around like that constantly.

I learned along time ago, its not looks that matter in anyone really. Last time I got seriously hit on, the guy said I was sexy because I was reading a book about quantum string theories. Which clearly wasn't about my weight at all. LOL

[NeonKaos]

I learned along time ago, its not looks that matter in anyone really. Last time I got seriously hit on, the guy said I was sexy because I was reading a book about quantum string theories. Which clearly wasn't about my weight at all. LOL

I think nerdy techno shit is attractive too. I'd be more inclined to hit on someone who was reading about chemistry or robotics than someone reading about music or art (or a Heinlein novel).

[Ohiogrl]

I think nerdy techno shit is attractive too. I'd be more inclined to hit on someone who was reading about chemistry or robotics than someone reading about music or art (or a Heinlein novel).

haha Awesome! Not enough chics are hot like us!

I do swing both ways though... as in art and science! LOL

Smart people are sexy. Despite their shape or size. I have always thought that.

[Fidelia]

Smart people are sexy. Despite their shape or size. I have always thought that.

Smart's not enough to do it for me. I know plenty of smart people I wouldn't touch with somebody else's ten foot pole. But it is a key component.

So is generosity. Personal integrity is huge for me. So is confidence. Kindness and compassion. PASSION! Definitely passion! And not just sexual. I LOVE it when someone is really passionate for a cause, or a field of study, or an art form, or whatever turns them on. Makes for great conversations, which in turn may lead to deeper sharing and then, well . . . who knows!

There are physical components, too. I used to have a definite "type" that I was attracted to, but not anymore. I dropped that mindset like a hot rock when I met Fidelio, who is not at all my type but is exactly perfect for me. Now, it is strong healthy bodies that appeal to me, and I like 'em with some substance. I'm one of the Amazon women, and I don't want to worry about breaking a lover.

For me it's not one thing or another, it's the whole package. Oh yeah, and the package matters, too!

[Ohiogrl]

So is generosity. Personal integrity is huge for me. So is confidence. Kindness and compassion. PASSION! Definitely passion! And not just sexual. I LOVE it when someone is really passionate for a cause, or a field of study, or an art form, or whatever turns them on. Makes for great conversations, which in turn may lead to deeper sharing and then, well . . . who knows!


Oh Yes! All this too! I think these are all important!

I think the Smart thing is just the initial at first glance thing I go to though, I like it when someone is smarter than I am because I love to learn. I try to make all my situations, relationships or otherwise, learning situations, because with out it I get bored really fast. You can actually learn from just about anything, regardless of how smart someone is, but knowing some one is smart from the get go, gives you a good idea what your in for....

I am not sure I explained that right. LOL. I may be into smart people, but I am not especially bright myself. Hahaha!

[TL4everu2]

My metabolism is a wreck. I could be 150 which isn't bad because I am tall, but two years later I could be 200. Then two years later back to 150. I jump around like that constantly.
1) How tall? (My wife is 5'10" and I'm 6'4")
2) My metabolism is not quite as wonky. I have weighed in at around 170 most of my adult life.
3) I'm hoping to see a pic or two of you sometime in the future.
4) ? :p

[bella123456]

An aspect of the wieght question I find interested is that it appears it's ok to publicly comment on people's weight when they are thin/skinny..

I'm tall and thin, maybe weigh 135 and would be perhaps 5'10. I constantly hear "oh, you're so thin", "geez, you're so skinny". These types of comments come from friends, business colleagues...people at the shops !!

But yet it would seem very unacceptable to ever say "wow, you're so fat"...

I don't actually like it when people comment on my weight, it seems rude...and it would not be ok to comment if someone is big, I'd never randomly comment on someone's size - big or small.
I'm sure people say it thinking it's a compliment of some sort...it just comes across as a random comment on my body size.
A strange dual standard a think...

[TL4everu2]

An aspect of the wieght question I find interested is that it appears it's ok to publicly comment on people's weight when they are thin/skinny..

I'm tall and thin, maybe weigh 135 and would be perhaps 5'10. I constantly hear "oh, you're so thin", "geez, you're so skinny". These types of comments come from friends, business colleagues...people at the shops !!

But yet it would seem very unacceptable to ever say "wow, you're so fat"...

I don't actually like it when people comment on my weight, it seems rude...and it would not be ok to comment if someone is big, I'd never randomly comment on someone's size - big or small.
I'm sure people say it thinking it's a compliment of some sort...it just comes across as a random comment on my body size.
A strange dual standard a think...I thought I was the only one who felt this way. I'm 6'4" and currently weigh in at 170. I have for most of my life....However, when my wife and I met, I was severely malnourished, and weighed about 140. I heard it all the time.

I try to gain weight, however, it just doesn't happen.





Also, when I cut weight down to 155 for a fight, my wife gets upset because she says I look sick. Then I get, from heavier people, "WOW! Like YOU need to loose weight!" in response to my eating light and trying to cut weight to make weight for a fight. :( It still hurts people.....

[Magdlyn]

3) I'm hoping to see a pic or two of you sometime in the future.
4) ? :p

Gosh, did I stumble onto okc by mistake??

[Fidelia]

. . . it would seem very unacceptable to ever say "wow, you're so fat"...


You might be shocked to know how often exactly this happens. It IS completely unacceptable, but it is a reality that some obese people face daily.

At least the ignorant comments to you are intended as a compliment for the most part.

In college I had a dear friend who struggled with a metabolic disorder. I forget the specifics, but she was obese. Not enormous, but definitely obese. She was also brilliant, charming, funny, energetic, hard-working, funny, loyal and very wise. She designed and made her own clothes because she hated the choices that were commerically available to her, and she was always neat as a pin and very well dressed.

She was well-loved and respected within our circle, but she dreaded going out in public, because it was not uncommon for some people to stare and comment. The stares at least were silent, but the comments! One time a half dozen of us made a supply run for a class project. At each stop, we split up the list and separated, to get the job done ASAP. In one of the stores, a strange female walked right up to my big friend and said, "No man is ever going to want you because you are so fat." Out of the blue. I saw it all and stood there dumbstruck, but another friend with us jumped right in from another aisle with, "Okay, she's fat. And you're ignorant, small-minded and ugly. She's working on her problem. What are you doing about yours?" The two of us went over to my big friend and we stood there looking at the woman until she went back to her own business. As we were leaving, one of the guys with us casually put his arm around our big friend and laid a righteous, passionate kiss on her. I was proud to be walking out the door with all of them. I just wish I had been as fast thinking as those two.

[bella123456]

"Okay, she's fat. And you're ignorant, small-minded and ugly. She's working on her problem. What are you doing about yours?" The two of us went over to my big friend and we stood there looking at the woman until she went back to her own business. As we were leaving, one of the guys with us casually put his arm around our big friend and laid a righteous, passionate kiss on her. I was proud to be walking out the door with all of them. I just wish I had been as fast thinking as those two.


fast thinking is a great asset !

I know I probably would have just sat there shocked and disturbed, and would have come up with a thousand replies hours later. Good on them !

Stories like that are gold though, it gives one the opportunity to think about appropriate responses. I'm going to put some thought into how I may next reply to a comment on weight..
thanks :)

[AutumnalTone]

I appreciate it when fat people can say they are "fat" and it's not meant or perceived as an insult. Autumnal Tone has talked about this before.

Just saw this on rereading the thread....

Yeah, "fat" is merely a descriptive term, same as "pale," "brunette," "tall," or "short." The term indicates nothing more than that a person has enough adipose tissue to be noticeable.

I'm fat. That descriptor, however, tells you nothing of much use in most contexts. It would take a great many more descriptors to give you an inkling of my appearance and whether or not one would find me attractive.

A friend's daughter, upon meeting me, exclaimed "You're fat!" as if it were surprising. Her mother was mortified. I laughed and told the girl her grasp of the obvious was quite firm. Her mother and I were engaged in the dance of sorting out whether we wanted to date, so it was safe to say that the girl got a lesson that showed thin is not the only sexy.

[bella123456]

A friend's daughter, upon meeting me, exclaimed "You're fat!" as if it were surprising. Her mother was mortified. I laughed and told the girl her grasp of the obvious was quite firm. Her mother and I were engaged in the dance of sorting out whether we wanted to date, so it was safe to say that the girl got a lesson that showed thin is not the only sexy.

My mother has often told me a story of how mortified she was when I, as a child pointed at a dwarf (sorry, is that word un PC nowadays ?...should I say short statued ?) and exclaimed loudly "look how short that man is !!"

She has often told that story...so I was well prepared when my son, at age 6 did exactly the same thing at the local shops. I simply replied - yes, he is short, and there's a reason behind that which we can discuss.

And the short statued man smiled at us.

[Athena]

I dream of getting back to my ideal weight for height range, for health reasons but also because in honesty, I feel more attractive at a thinner weight. There are definitely too thin people though out there, and weight is not the only factor in wanting to be in a relationship. If I'm in a conversation with two different people - one perfect appearance but nothing to say of any interest, and one much less ideal (but within the general range of my personal taste) but with wit and kindness I'll pick the person with IQ and EQ.

[Fidelia]

Stories like that are gold though, it gives one the opportunity to think about appropriate responses. I'm going to put some thought into how I may next reply to a comment on weight..
thanks :)
That is EXACTLY why I like to tell that story. :D

[HappiestManAlive]

Sexy or attractive?

I know lots of sexy heavier girls. The eyes, attitude, smile - all there. But I'm not attracted to them, never have been. Conversly, I know lots of VERY "attractive" women that aren't sexy at all - the eyes, the smile, ESPECIALLY the attitude, just aren't there. And intelligence and personality are sexy completely independent of physical attributes.

I don't buy the "big girls are more adventurous" bit - I've been with many shapes and sizes, and inhibition or the lack thereof has little or nothing to do with size or shape.

I'm 6'1" and the heaviest I've been in my life was 177; I'm at 165 now. Spent my teens and half of my twenties at 130 and couldn't gain weight, period - I ate enough for 3 or 4 people at every sitting. Now I eat hardly anything and sit between 160 and 170.

So I'm going to be completely honest and break from most of the posts here - I like smaller girls. In fact, TINY girls, the smaller the better. I've dated maybe 10 women my whole life over 5'5". YES - there is such a thing as too thin; but you can be thin and healthy. In order from "biggest" to "smallest", the ladies in my life line up like this - Lana is 5'5" and 115 with full breasts and and looks like a supermodel. Violet is smaller still at 5'1"-ish and 100 lbs or so, with small breasts and a butt that qualifies as a genetic freak on a white girl, lol. Her figure changes a lot - since we've been together she's been everywhere from 90 to 130 ls. Loved it all, she wears curves well - but never got "thick" or "heavy". Adrian is TINY. 4'10" and 85 lbs with full C cups and I can't get enough of it. They are all in excellent physical condition, not sickly like some people seem to think all thin people are.

And +1 here for the comment about people telling you you're too thin being just as bad as saying you're fat. Grrr!

Some of our closest friends weigh over 1,000 lbs between them. And they have quite the poly life going on what with another couple playing with them and a regular GF, all plus-sized but not nearly as large as they are. And they get freaky as hell in the bedroom, though I'll admit the physics of it are a bit beyond me, lol.

Some say women who are thin "feel like you'll break them"; I counter because I like a woman I can "throw around", lol. Different strokes for different folks, as always.

I don't want to come off as mean or rude, but I'm not going to lie - I find obesity horribly unattractive. I don't look down on big folks, not at all! But when I hear people say a particularly large person is super hot or that they like that, I just shrug - it's not for me.

[HappiestManAlive]

Oh - about the comment earlier that got so many people's dander up. I see both sides of that coin; being heavy doesn't mean you don't take care of yourself!

BUT - I know plenty of people who got comfortable in a relationship and "let themselves go", caring less about their appearence and gaining weight, people who used to keep in excellent shape. And many of these people complain about their sex life diminishing, which is just inviting the comments from people without tact.

The dead givaway is when they become single again and drop the weight in a couple of months, buy new clothes, and start maintaining their appearance again. Tsk tsk.

Point being, it CAN be the case, it's just not ALWAYS the case.

[Derbylicious]

It's kind of cool how we're all attracted to different types. I hear you HMA with finding people sexy without finding them attractive. Most people can be sexy, it comes more from a way that they hold themselves and the way they feel about themselves but out of all of them there are only a select few who I'm going to find attractive.

[MonoVCPHG]

Some of the most "attractive" women in the world have zero sexiness in my opinion. Some people simply pump out sexual energy and regardless of what they look like you can't help but feel it. It's about energy and presence for me and it usually is not from women that are trying to be sexy...it's from women who are internally sexy. They are conduits to something primal that attracted mates before man became clouded by the ideals of advertising and fashion.

[bella123456]

Well, thin is certainly NOT the only sexy !

An open smile, personal warmth, a sense of playfulness, a strong sense of confidence in who they are, a wicked sense of humour...

I think I'd almost be inclined to say those would be the things I notice upon meeting someone, rather than physical attributes...it's often sometime later that I discover I'm physically attracted to someone - but I think it's probably those personal attributes that allow a physical attraction to even occur..

[Ohiogrl]

Gosh, did I stumble onto okc by mistake??

>_< OOPS! :o

[MaybeSparrow]

I'm fat, and I've been actively working on respecting myself. It's been paying off. I find beauty all over the spectrum of shape and size, but fat men hold a special place in my heart. Embracing that fact has helped me feel better about myself, because if I'm so attracted to an aspect in someone else, I shouldn't deny it to myself. Confident, chubby sex is pretty fun. :cool:

[HappiestManAlive]

I'm glad to see all the self confidence and open mindedness both in this thread and in many places out & about these days when it comes to positive self image and seeing beauty where the media tells you it isn't.

That said - I'd like to say that I'm starting to get annoyed with that pendulum's motion, lol. Not in this thread, but in general - being told your shallow because you're not attracted to somebody or to a body type, etc., is... Well, annoying isn't strong enough a word, lol.

[TL4everu2]

I readily admit that I'm shallow. :D

[redpepper]

What Are Big Girls Made Of?

The construction of a woman:
a woman is not made of flesh
of bone and sinew
belly and breasts, elbows and liver and toe.
She is manufactured like a sports sedan.
She is retooled, refitted and redesigned
every decade.
Cecile had been seduction itself in college.
She wriggled through bars like a satin eel,
her hips and ass promising, her mouth pursed
in the dark red lipstick of desire.

She visited in '68 still wearing skirts
tight to the knees, dark red lipstick,
while I danced through Manhattan in mini skirt,
lipstick pale as apricot milk,
hair loose as a horse's mane. Oh dear,
I thought in my superiority of the moment,
whatever has happened to poor Cecile?
She was out of fashion, out of the game,
disqualified, disdained, dis-
membered from the club of desire.

Look at pictures in French fashion
magazines of the 18th century:
century of the ultimate lady
fantasy wrought of silk and corseting.
Paniers bring her hips out three feet
each way, while the waist is pinched
and the belly flattened under wood.
The breasts are stuffed up and out
offered like apples in a bowl.
The tiny foot is encased in a slipper
never meant for walking.
On top is a grandiose headache:
hair like a museum piece, daily
ornamented with ribbons, vases,
grottoes, mountains, frigates in full
sail, balloons, baboons, the fancy
of a hairdresser turned loose.
The hats were rococo wedding cakes
that would dim the Las Vegas strip.
Here is a woman forced into shape
rigid exoskeleton torturing flesh:
a woman made of pain.

How superior we are now: see the modern woman
thin as a blade of scissors.
She runs on a treadmill every morning,
fits herself into machines of weights
and pulleys to heave and grunt,
an image in her mind she can never
approximate, a body of rosy
glass that never wrinkles,
never grows, never fades. She
sits at the table closing her eyes to food
hungry, always hungry:
a woman made of pain.

A cat or dog approaches another,
they sniff noses. They sniff asses.
They bristle or lick. They fall
in love as often as we do,
as passionately. But they fall
in love or lust with furry flesh,
not hoop skirts or push up bras
rib removal or liposuction.
It is not for male or female dogs
that poodles are clipped
to topiary hedges.

If only we could like each other raw.
If only we could love ourselves
like healthy babies burbling in our arms.
If only we were not programmed and reprogrammed
to need what is sold us.
Why should we want to live inside ads?
Why should we want to scourge our softness
to straight lines like a Mondrian painting?
Why should we punish each other with scorn
as if to have a large ass
were worse than being greedy or mean?

When will women not be compelled
to view their bodies as science projects,
gardens to be weeded,
dogs to be trained?
When will a woman cease
to be made of pain?

Marge Piercy

[redpepper]

Barbie Doll

This girlchild was born as usual
and presented dolls that did pee-pee
and miniature GE stoves and irons
and wee lipsticks the color of cherry candy.
Then in the magic of puberty, a classmate said:
You have a great big nose and fat legs.

She was healthy, tested intelligent,
possessed strong arms and back,
abundant sexual drive and manual dexterity.
She went to and fro apologizing.
Everyone saw a fat nose on thick legs.

She was advised to play coy,
exhorted to come on hearty,
exercise, diet, smile and wheedle.
Her good nature wore out
like a fan belt.
So she cut off her nose and her legs
and offered them up.

In the casket displayed on satin she lay
with the undertaker's cosmetics painted on,
a turned-up putty nose,
dressed in a pink and white nightie.
Doesn't she look pretty? everyone said.
Consummation at last.
To every woman a happy ending.


Anonymous submission.

Marge Piercy

[rory]

My friend linked me this page, and I loved it. Thought it would go very well into this thread to show that thin is definitely not the only sexy or the only beautiful. :)

Adipositivity. (http://adipositivity.my-expressions.com/index.html)

[NeonKaos]

A fat person with confidence is infinitely more sexy than a thin person who is insecure about their appearance.

I'm infatuated with one of the biggest ladies on my roller derby league because she is such a beautiful person inside and out. She is losing weight but is still just as beautiful.

[Kay]

I am a pluse sized woman and have been heavier in the past and lighter also. I am on my way to a weight I would like to be again but sexy is always with in yourself. I have been to a nude beach before and have had plenty of smiles come my way. I am finding that there a lot of men who find pluse size the right size lol

[Minxxa]

I think confidence and inner sexiness coming out overrules a hell of a lot.

I'm heavier than I usually am due to illness (thyroid and adrenals went kaBOOM a few years back). I'm getting better, and finally losing a LITTLE bit, but still about 20 pounds higher than my "norm".

This past friday I went to a conference of Sex educators, counselors and therapists (I'm a student). I dressed semi dress-casual... grey slacks, black tank top with black sweater and some sensible grey/black heels. I put on makeup (which I normally don't as I work in a cubicle and nobody sees me, plus I get up at the crack of hell and would rather sleep an extra 10 minutes) and my contacts, sono glasses.

I walked downtown to a little place to get lunch and I SWEAR I was getting looked at like I haven't in YEARS. Now undoubtedly I put an extra 10 minutes into getting ready, LOL... but I think because I FELT sexy (and was listening to talks on sex) I was projecting a more sexified ME than normal. And it definitely was well received.

I'm trying to take the lesson and run with it! :)

[Ivy]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and point out that physical sexiness (and health) can come in very different sizes for different people.

I lost 70+ lbs and have kept it off for five years now. Before I lost the weight, I had no shape--no waist, no butt, and relatively unendowed up top. I took immaculate care of myself, but there was no way my "figure" could have been considered feminine. I was "apple" shaped in the worst possible way. It was physically impossible for me look sexy in plus-sized clothes intended for curves.

The only way I could make up for it with personality was to be bubbly, self-deprecating, and unbeatably positive--then, very rarely, someone would express attraction to my personality. But that wasn't me. I'm intellectual and introverted; I like people but not as much as I like books; and I'm extremely proud of my achievements, so self-deprecating doesn't work for me. So, being attractive at that weight meant being someone I'm not.

Since I've lost the weight, many, many people have told me I'm quite attractive (not everyone, obviously, but that's fine). I am NOT curvy. My natural build is more boy-like: strong, square shoulders, narrower hips, a toned, tight backside, and a modest bosom. Occasionally, I'm made to feel like I'm unfeminine because I'm not curvy and don't have much extra meat, but eff 'em, this is my narrow, lean, "boyish" body and it looks better at a size 6 than it ever did or could at a 16.

I can't be what I'm not. Regardless of my weight, unless I pursue some massive plastic surgery, I'll never be curvy at any size. I hated how I looked when I was fat, and I love how I look now.

In this weight debate, I see a lot of hostility toward round, curvy pegs being forced into square, thin holes. But I'm the opposite: I'm a lean, square peg who was miserable trying to live in the round hole.

Possibly all anyone needs is a solid sense of self.

[Morningglory629]

"Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided."
Mae West

[BlackUnicorn]

I am attracted to smaller (I'm 5'9''), curvy brunettes with curly hair if at all possible.

Guess how my mother looked like? I try to think parents are not responsible for everything, but sometimes I do wonder if such basic things like physical preference for certain body types comes from having pleasant memories associated with a particular type.

[Carma]

I had a teeny tiny grandmother who I take after, so genetically I guess I am blessed, in this society that so values thinness. But even tho I am small, I do still despise every little bit of flabby or saggy skin on my body :(. I manage to look good enough in clothes, tho, so the incentive to exercise is really just not there -- which is not good, because I may be thin but I am probably not the healthiest I could be.

I resist the urge to eat for comfort only, though, which I think has kept me thin in addition to the genetics. I simply know that when I am feeling emotional, it is NOT hunger for food that is nagging me. (In fact, it is probably a bit of a disorder -- if I am upset emotionally, I will NOT eat. I will hold out for the emotional fulfillment, instead. And sometimes, damn emotions -- I'm fucking HUNGRY! :mad:)

My grandma was very self-conscious and did not like being skinny. Her two sisters were curvy and the boys all liked their curves, and called her a skinny mama barn cat. She was teased as a child and even all throughout her adult life (when she DID get elegant little curves in all the right places). Other women were terribly jealous and often made rude comments. We thought she was beautiful -- but I must say that my other grandma, who was "fluffy," was much more comfortable to hug! :p

[HappiestManAlive]

Other than being on the thin side, neither my mother nor any of my relations fits my "type" very well, lol.

[nycindie]

I will say one thing:

No one can wear a corset like a full-figured broad!

They are just made for the ample body. I love wearing corsets.

[Morningglory629]

I will say one thing:

No one can wear a corset like a full-figured broad!

They are just made for the ample body. I love wearing corsets.

Me too!

[marz]

I will say one thing:

No one can wear a corset like a full-figured broad!

They are just made for the ample body. I love wearing corsets.

Ditto! I love my curvy, full figured body, and so does my partner :p

[Minxxa]

I love me some corsets! :)

I've always been a "broad" kind of broad. Wide shoulders and ribcage... sturdy. :)

I've grown to be okay with that... though I have some extra poundage from my thyroid going wacky-- and that's the part I don't like. But... I'm trying to have some perspective, which is something I"ve sorely lacked my entire life. I was just looking back on some pictures my photographer friend had shot about 7 years ago... and remember at the time thinking I needed to lose 10 more pounds! Doh! Not only was I not fat, I was really muscular, so of course I weighed more!

Sometimes I wish I could go back and slap my younger self a couple of times. :D

[Storm77]

By today's media standards yes I guess I do like fat women :p

In my opinion most women who think their butt ugly and fat look perfectly fine to me and sometimes even stunning! *pondered with the hand on the chin looking up thinking* Nope I guess EVERY woman I've every been with or almost was at a relationship level would have been considered fat.

As was the case with a woman of a couple we met (we call P in past posts.) I found her VERY attractive, 5'9 and I think about 220lbs (I think she said she was) with her body I did NOT think of her as fat she looked fucking GREAT! Brown eyes which I loved, great confidence another meowww :cool: Unfortunately me at 5'9, 230lbs was not good enough. Although the nice girl she said if I can lose the lil tummy in 6 months to a year she'll consider me LMAO. I should have believed the OKC questions which raised flags but my wife said nah she sounds so nice lol. Only part that really sucks is wife is dating the guy and I'm left still looking.

I'm not a BBW chaser, not into the whole feeding thing but yes when I see "skinny" women (ie where you can see ribs) compared to the "normal" women you see in normal everyday life while it may be rude. I often think wow what's wrong with them? :( Are they sick? can't keep the weight on? is it just the flu? or something more serious?

At the other end I admit someone going way past 300+ pounds, while a perfectly fine person and fine as a friend I do not find just attractive. I wouldn't leave someone for just gaining weight *shrugs* I don't know if we REALLY clicked and I loved their personality I might even be blinded to that :) I've had bitch fests with others about weight and other things. You CANNOT often change what you are "attracted" to, what turns you on, gets you hard, gets you wet and all that ;)

[lovefromgirl]

I'm not a BBW chaser, not into the whole feeding thing but yes when I see "skinny" women (ie where you can see ribs) compared to the "normal" women you see in normal everyday life while it may be rude. I often think wow what's wrong with them? :( Are they sick? can't keep the weight on? is it just the flu? or something more serious?

So, when I come back with "Yeah, it's chronic fatigue syndrome; done a number on me, thanks for noticing!" will you be embarrassed or just silent?

I mean, shit, I stuck both my feet in my mouth when I congratulated a "pregnant" lady on what turned out to be edema from her medications. That was when I learned to mind my own body.

[Glitter]

So, when I come back with "Yeah, it's chronic fatigue syndrome; done a number on me, thanks for noticing!" will you be embarrassed or just silent?

I mean, shit, I stuck both my feet in my mouth when I congratulated a "pregnant" lady on what turned out to be edema from her medications. That was when I learned to mind my own body.

Haha, nice thing about Storm is he wouldn't say it :p

I know the edema thing! I get it during the summers, and it sucks!

[cowgirlontherocks]

Redpepper,
I loved this article! I am a 5'1" 200 lb woman with a sex drive to die for just ask my husband loves it as well. I read him this article and he said that he would rather be with me than any skinny woman at anytime (he wasn't just blowing smoke) lol.
I think women that are curvy are beautiful! I think all women are beautiful. I think that the way we percieve ourselves makes us who we are. For instance if we are overweight and think we are sexy and give off that vibe than others will pick up on that and think we are sexy too.
So to all you curvy women out there. Be sexy and love it.
CG

[Emm]

Haha, nice thing about Storm is he wouldn't say it If only everyone was so polite.

Edit: And he did say it. Perhaps not to a specific person, but you can't deny he said it.

[newtoday]

Hell no. :D

I'm not fat but I'm not thin either. Toxemia with Twins attacked my body and has made it less than perfect. But the amazing way that my boyfriend responds to my curves, there is no doubt how sexy he thinks I am, absolute perfection as he says. :D

[Glitter]

If only everyone was so polite.

Edit: And he did say it. Perhaps not to a specific person, but you can't deny he said it.

What I meant is, he wouldn't say it to someone specifically. Yes he may think it, or ponder on a forum thread, but he wouldn't out right say it to anyone, even me ;)

[Storm77]

Edit: And he did say it. Perhaps not to a specific person, but you can't deny he said it.

It's rather difficult to get the tone and not sure which emoticon I should have used to show when I do have that thought in my head it's NOT that the person is ugly but I honestly do wonder if their ok. I guess yes I'm too bloody caring and it sucks sometimes. If the what I'm attracted to also bothered anyone else perhaps I should say ok I'm attracted to EVERYTHING, your pets, your kids, the light pole outside, the shopping carts down at the store lol. After all gotta be PC and not leave anyone/anything out.

I thought this was a friendly place to be free to talk about whatever but with the thread topic I now know I really should have avoided it if it's mostly women with these confidence or self-esteem issues while they will jump on any guy saying he's a prick.

[lovefromgirl]

I thought this was a friendly place to be free to talk about whatever but with the thread topic I now know I really should have avoided it if it's mostly women with these confidence or self-esteem issues while they will jump on any guy saying he's a prick.

Never said you were a prick, for the record. Just showing you a situation where the person you're worried about is not okay and might be tired of hearing how shabby she looks. I have a friend who has developed a fondness for skincare products almost out of self-defense.

Are we okay?

[Emm]

I thought this was a friendly place to be free to talk about whatever but with the thread topic I now know I really should have avoided it if it's mostly women with these confidence or self-esteem issues while they will jump on any guy saying he's a prick.Since you quoted me and didn't specify otherwise I'll assume you have a problem with my post. If you feel I have transgressed the rules or guidelines of the site, please feel free to report it to a moderator. If not, I suggest you stop trying to play the victim card and take ownership of your own words.

[CielDuMatin]

I saw this thread a while back and have been letting it sit, trying to work out how best to formulate my feelings on this.

The main issue that I am struggling with is the folks that call themselves "BBW" - I will agree with the first and the last, but unfortunately I do not find them all beautiful, just because they describe themselves as a "BBW".

I also need to distinguish between those women I find that are beautiful to look at and those that are relationship material. For me there is a distinct disconnect between the two. While I do have some standards when it comes to how folks look in order for me to date them, they are a lot looser than a beautiful appearance, because for me beauty comes from the inside.

It is a lot about being comfortable in your skin, and knowing you own limitations - they talk about "accentuate the positive" and I think that has a lot to do with it. There are some people who look stunning in skin-tight pants, and others that look hideous. There are others who dress nicely and obviously take care of themselves and others that are, frankly, slobs.

It doesn't matter how physically beautiful you are, facially or bodily, if you don't take pride in your appearance you are going to be ugly to anyone other than the most superficial person.

One word of advice to folks - don't trust your own instincts - you are your own worst critic. Often you can look knock-out in something, but you think that your legs are too fat, or your butt to big or your breasts to small, or whatever. Find some folks that you know you trust to not blow smoke and get their honest opinion as to what styles and colours look good on you. Conversely, you may think you look great in something, but others feel like it doesn't do a thing for you.

So, for me, within certain limitations, what is going on inside your head, and how much you take care of yourself (and I don't mean working out and eating healthy, I mean personal care and clothing) matters far more to me than physical features when it comes to someone I would have a relationship with.

The lines I draw are extreme skinniness and obesity, neither of which I find attractive. I have dated underweight and overweight ladies that I think have been beautiful and very sexy. I myself am considered overweight.

Far more important than a BMI is being healthy. Everyone has limits, in terms of ability, time and desire - being healthy is attractive to me (as long as it's not obsessive) - because if you are looking after yourself, then we are more likely to have a lot longer relationship....

[Tise]

Technically, I am all sorts of obese.
I weight 300 pounds. I'm 5'9.
Am I sexy? Oh hell yes.
Do I take care of myself? Yes.
Am I worried about losing weight? Nope. If someone is going to love me, they will love me as I am.
Do I theoretically want to lose weight? One day. For my own reasons, not to make another desire me more.

The way I see it, weight comes and goes. Everything changes. Time, disease, accidents can all change what's outside, but what's inside, is what matters...
And I'm sexy and I know it ;)

[Avatar]

I have to give an emphatic "No." Sexy is, first and foremost, a state of mind, a way of holding one's self, a way of guiding the body language, the manner in which that mind interacts with others. The body itself is mostly irrelevant. Tsie's response is an excellent example. The body comes into play when considering what one is physically attracted to, which is another subject entirely.

[busbuddha]

Man...beat me to this thread! LOL

Thin is definitely NOT the only sexy. First and foremost, I find the mind sexy. Yeah, kinda sapiosexual here. Second, I like to say that I like my women the way I like my mountain roads: curvy! :)

[Tise]

For me, attraction is about the interior vs the exterior.
I worry about people who focus on the exterior.

And except for that aspect I fully agree with you Avatar

[Avatar]

I think we're pretty much on the same page, Tise. Perhaps I wasn't clear that it's the interior (the mind) that is driving the exterior (the body) that determines sexy for me.

[Tise]

Ah, well then :)

[InspirationFlow]

For me, I have to be turned-on at a number of intangible levels for me to be sexually turned-on. I have to really feel like pleasing her in non-sensual & non-sexual ways before we get intimate (hopeless romantic, what can I say).

Having said that, I'll take a curvaceous woman over a thin one ANY day! I'm all about being pleasing to the touch. ;)

[Magdlyn]

I like my women the way I like my mountain roads: curvy! :)

I like my women the way I like my coffee, hot and strong... with a spoon in them!

[lovefromgirl]

I like my women the way I like my coffee, hot and strong... with a spoon in them!

My kind of woman! [licks spoon suggestively]

[Magdlyn]

My kind of woman! [licks spoon suggestively]

You say, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" and she says, "Yeah, okay." Then sex is on, yes?

...Doesn't always work, though. If the President of Burundi says, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" you're not supposed to go, "Rawr! I'm in here!"

[InspirationFlow]

You say, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" and she says, "Yeah, okay." Then sex is on, yes?

...Doesn't always work, though. If the President of Burundi says, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" you're not supposed to go, "Rawr! I'm in here!"

Boy, I wish someone told me that BEFORE I went to Burundi last year... :-P

[RunicWolf]

If thin is the only sexy I'm doing it wrong!

For me sexy is both a state of mind and body.

Mentally they need to be comfortable in their own skin for starters. The rest usually falls into place after that. Physically I'm more of a proportions man. As long as it all works together, thin or heavy, then I'm alright. Some people are built to carry extra weight, some are not and both look a little funny when doing what they aren't "supposed" to be doing.

[Morgan]

Thin can be sexy, but I prefer voluptuous.

[Magdlyn]

Boy, I wish someone told me that BEFORE I went to Burundi last year... :-P

Hopefully you got away by telling him your grandmother was on fire.

[Bourahioro]

I personally prefer women that aren't thin or skinny - bigger girls, or girls with "meat on their bones" are far more attractive to me than a girl who looks like a resurrected corpse lol.

[WendellRamirez]

Cool, thanks!

I am a plus-sized woman. I'm on a quest to lose weight, but in learning to appreciate my body and love myself more before I get to goal, I started buying sexy lingerie. My soon-to-be-ex-husband took issue with my weight, so it's important to me to rebuild my confidence in my shape, whether I'm at my goal weight or not.

I buy my lingerie from Hips and Curves (hipsandcurves.com). They sell to big curvy women -- ONLY. Sizes start at 1X, generally. Their model pictures are so freaking hot, it doesn't matter how big the girls are. And it makes me feel sexy just ordering this gorgeous stuff. It's really good quality, too!

Here are some of my favorite plus models from Hips and Curves:
Search-
Boyshorts with garters

Bronwyn steel-boned silk corset

Black bridal veil

Look around the site, it's great!

I really dont believe thin size women are only hot. It has to be perfect shape. my girl friend is bit plus size and she is very attractive. Fashion has changed now:p:p

[pollyanna]

https://www.facebook.com/LadyScarlettFanPage?fref=ts

i believe she answers the question beautifully.

[WendellRamirez]

Cool, thanks!

I am a plus-sized woman. I'm on a quest to lose weight, but in learning to appreciate my body and love myself more before I get to goal, I started buying sexy lingerie. My soon-to-be-ex-husband took issue with my weight, so it's important to me to rebuild my confidence in my shape, whether I'm at my goal weight or not.

I buy my lingerie (http://www.robustbuy.com/womens-clothes-lingerie-sets-c-1083_1085_1088.html) from Hips and Curves (hipsandcurves.com). They sell to big curvy women -- ONLY. Sizes start at 1X, generally. Their model pictures are so freaking hot, it doesn't matter how big the girls are. And it makes me feel sexy just ordering this gorgeous stuff. It's really good quality, too!

Here are some of my favorite plus models from Hips and Curves:
Search-
Boyshorts with garters

Bronwyn steel-boned silk corset

Black bridal veil

Look around the site, it's great!

I really dont believe thin size women are only hot. It has to be perfect shape. my girl friend is bit plus size and she is very attractive. Fashion has changed now:p:p
Yes the article justifies she is not that big factor now