Somegeezer's Blog Of Life

[Somegeezer]

I figured I should start one of these for you guys to follow my boring journey.

As some of you, mostly regulars, may have read; I was torn between 2 mono women and had decided to get the best friendship I could out of them. Unfortunately, only a week or 2 ago, I ended my friendship with one of them. I felt I was being messed around and when i asked simple questions, I was getting half answers or subject changes. I felt it was best to end it before either of us got hurt.

Good news though, I'm becoming close to a few newer people. One I've known for a while, but only recently had chance to talk with more often. I've actually talked to her about my chosen poly lifestyle and she seems interested and understanding of it. I'm doubting she'll turn over to poly anytime soon, but she certainly sees it for what it is and loves what poly means to me. =]

In unrelated to poly news, I'm trying to find a job with no luck as of yet. I really need what money I can get, so i can go back to college and study film and photography. Seems like a dream further away than I thought it would be. I'm needing about £3000 just for basic equipment alone. Without a job, I can just about pay for travel right now.

I'll update you guys when something worthy of talking about changes in my situation. until then, feel free to comment on this blog. It's good to have a chat with you all.

[Somegeezer]

I figured I should probably give you guys a little more insight of who I am. I've had a few people telling me I don't talk about ME often enough and figured maybe this would be a good place to maybe be more out there with it.

Questions are much appreciated and I will try to answer them all as well as I can.

To begin with, I am 18. A lot of people already know this about me. Those of you who don't, yes, I am young. Please, don't treat me any differently, I am not a child. I am 19 on the 10th of January. Not long now. But my birthdays have never really meant anything other than adding a number to myself. They feel like any other day.

I am English. I live in England in a city called Leeds. Most people I talk to on here are American and seem to find that fascinating. It really isn't anything special. My life is as dull and boring as in any country. =P My English humour most likely goes over a lot of your heads though. :p

I am a musician. I don't make any money at it, but i wish I could. My main instrument is bass. I also play kit, guitar, piano/keyboard and steel pans quite well. There are too many instruments to begin listing that I would like to learn in the future.
My main style of music is Metal. Is the genre I enjoy listening to and playing most. I also enjoy listening to Rock, Trance, Ambient, Jazz, Punk, Funk and Industrial... as well as others I can't think of from the top of my head.
I have played in many bands, but at the moment only have 1, plus my solo work. If you'd like to check them out - http://myspace.com/roadkillwakefield

I have recently finished college. I studied a National Diploma in Popular Music. I came out with grades worse than I wanted. I have decided to find a job to fund new equipment to create a portfolio of videos and pictures so I can go back to college to study Film and Photography; something I did well in back in high school.

More in line with the subject of the site, I have always been in mono relationships. I have always, deep down, been poly, but only really learnt this about myself in November I think. Since then, I have been reading up a lot on it and learning exactly what it means to me. I think I'm at a stage where I understand who I am a lot more than I did. I've yet to be a part of a poly relationship, but this thread is where I will give all the juicy details as it were. =P

Again, all questions are welcomed. It makes it easier to talk about myself when I have a subject to concentrate on. The more precise your question, the easier I will be able to answer.

[NeonKaos]

19 is awfully young to have finished college. At what age do your contemporaries TYPICALLY "start" and "finish" college and high school? And how many years does it take to get a "college degree"? Here in the US, people can "start college" at any age, but the common-denominator is usually that they must complete a high school diploma OR equivalency test, known as a "GED". So, the typical high-school student would enter college at age 17 or 18, and a two-year college degree is called an "Associate's Degree" and a four-year college degree is called a "Bachelor's" or a "Baccalaureate". Then we go on to "graduate" school, which are the Master's, Ph. D.'s, Doctorate's, MD's, JD's, and so on.

Also, I thought that in the UK, "High school" is called "secondary" school, and "college" is called "A-levels". Have Brits started adopting American terminology, or are you just using those terms for our benefit?

I'm not sure how many English/ UK residents are on this forum, but there are a lot of Canadians and a few Australians too.

[Somegeezer]

19 is awfully young to have finished college. At what age do your contemporaries TYPICALLY "start" and "finish" college and high school? And how many years does it take to get a "college degree"? Here in the US, people can "start college" at any age, but the common-denominator is usually that they must complete a high school diploma OR equivalency test, known as a "GED". So, the typical high-school student would enter college at age 17 or 18, and a two-year college degree is called an "Associate's Degree" and a four-year college degree is called a "Bachelor's" or a "Baccalaureate". Then we go on to "graduate" school, which are the Master's, Ph. D.'s, Doctorate's, MD's, JD's, and so on.

Also, I thought that in the UK, "High school" is called "secondary" school, and "college" is called "A-levels". Have Brits started adopting American terminology, or are you just using those terms for our benefit?

I'm not sure how many English/ UK residents are on this forum, but there are a lot of Canadians and a few Australians too.

College here, starts at 16, as soon as you finish high school. You can go into "sixth form" which is a high school environment with college qualifications, or you can go into a dedicated college. I went into a college specifically for music [Leeds College of Music] which also does university degrees.

Typically, you are in college for 2 years, but I know many people who couldn't get directly onto their main courses and had to do a 1 year "introductory course". I was lucky not to have to do that.

There is no such thing as a "college degree". Typically you do your A levels, which are a type of course and not another name for college. I did a BTEC, which is the equivalent of 3 A levels in one course.

What you're describing as college is closer to our university. There you earn degrees. I wanted to get in to do a Foundation degree, which is a 2 year course. Then, if it were good enough, I could have done a 3rd year to "top it up" to a full degree. [Bachelor of -insert subject-]... After that, you can do Masters and Doctorates and other such qualifications.

High school and secondary school are the exact same thing. Secondary school is used a lot less commonly.

There are indeed a few Canadians and Australians too. Strangely, they don't seem to make a fuss about the English. The average American seems to get excited over it though. I find it strange.

[NeonKaos]

"Make a fuss about the English" how? Are you referring to how our media acts like everything the royal family does is "news"?

I really don't understand that either. maybe I'm some kind of freak...

About the difference between college and university: In the US, "college" has historically referred to smaller institutions that focus their degree programs in one or two areas, while "university" has historically referred to larger institutions that encompass "colleges" within their milieu. For example, Massachusetts College of Art specializes in Studio Art, Fine Art, Art History and Education, etc. Harvard University has degree programs in all of those things, but it also has almost every other field of study imaginable, as well as graduate and professional schools, research, and of course Continuing Ed. Although recently, there has been a campaign to have ALL institutions that offer 4-year degrees referred to as "Universities" because "college" has come to signify the 2-year "Associate's" degree. Maybe it IS because of the international culture of education.

[Somegeezer]

"Make a fuss about the English" how? Are you referring to how our media acts like everything the royal family does is "news"?

I really don't understand that either. maybe I'm some kind of freak...

About the difference between college and university: In the US, "college" has historically referred to smaller institutions that focus their degree programs in one or two areas, while "university" has historically referred to larger institutions that encompass "colleges" within their milieu. For example, Massachusetts College of Art specializes in Studio Art, Fine Art, Art History and Education, etc. Harvard University has degree programs in all of those things, but it also has almost every other field of study imaginable, as well as graduate and professional schools, research, and of course Continuing Ed. Although recently, there has been a campaign to have ALL institutions that offer 4-year degrees referred to as "Universities" because "college" has come to signify the 2-year "Associate's" degree. Maybe it IS because of the international culture of education.

I have no idea what the midea is like over there. I just often get Americans saying "oh wow you're all English and stuff, that soooo cute! Speak all English for me!" as if my accent is some sort of circus act. =P

That college and university differences slightly confused me, but I think I understand what you mean. =P College here is just like a bridge between high school and university though. High school you study pretty much every subject, college you choose a few subjects you're interested in, or a blanket subject [like music] and learn everything within that subject. Then in university, you begin to pick specific studies. I would have gone with performance and composing most likely. The higher the degree, the more specific it is too. Doing a doctorate, I believe you have to write a huge dissertation on something nobody has studied before. So you have to be extremely specific at that point.

Sounds difficult, but I've got a few years until I think about going to university again. Going back to college to do something I know I can do well in. But first, a job to pay for all my equipment is needed.

[SNeacail]

That college and university differences slightly confused me, but I think I understand what you mean. =P

Oh, it confuses the shit out of us 'mericans too :).

Have you considered going into Pshycology also? How many 18/19 year old men like listening to and giving relationship advice? You seem to enjoy it and are quite good at it.

[Somegeezer]

Oh, it confuses the shit out of us 'mericans too :).

Have you considered going into Pshycology also? How many 18/19 year old men like listening to and giving relationship advice? You seem to enjoy it and are quite good at it.
I adore Psychology. I would love to study it for my own personal benefit at some point. Maybe once I'm done with all my education and have a proper job, I'll study Psychology part time or something. I don't see a career in it though. I enjoy listening to people and giving my advice for free. I don't feel it is something anyone should have to pay good money for.

[FlameKat]

LOL - Somegeezer, the Canadians looooove the Aussie accent :D I am constantly being complimented and having people ask me to talk... a couple of times my fiance passed his phone around so his buddies could hear me and I could hear them in the background (and directly) going "oh wow, yeah like that is really sexy... "

LOL - it's just the difference in sounds - I looove the Canadian accent so it works quite well (god help us all when my teenage girls get here though :P)

[Somegeezer]

LOL - Somegeezer, the Canadians looooove the Aussie accent :D I am constantly being complimented and having people ask me to talk... a couple of times my fiance passed his phone around so his buddies could hear me and I could hear them in the background (and directly) going "oh wow, yeah like that is really sexy... "

LOL - it's just the difference in sounds - I looove the Canadian accent so it works quite well (god help us all when my teenage girls get here though :P)

Canadians love Australian accents? I did not know that. I suppose you understand what it is like with Americans loving English accents then. =P
Canadians and Australians have a great sense of humour similar to the English. =D I think Americans find it very hard to understand a lot of the time though.

An accent I really love is the Irish accent. They're only right next door, but they have great accents. I'm not the sort to get excited over an accent though. =P I just find the sound of them quite sweet. Especially in Irish Folk music. Beautiful sounds. =]

[FlameKat]

LOL - my fiance and I have an ongoing Irish accent game (we both are quite okay at mimicing the accent and have a great time roleplaying with it - although I sometimes slip into scots and we go on with that...)

I should probably mention he has an irish background, and I have a scots ancestry so the accents come along quite naturally for us on top of our natural ones :D

[Somegeezer]

Haha. I have no Irish or Scottish in me as far as I know. But both accents are quite common in England as we're so close to each other.

I do have Welsh hertiage at some point though... and a little bit of Dutch I believe. But mainly English.

I have lived in Leeds all my life. Been all up and down the country [I say up, but I'm pretty close to the top as it is!] on holidays and such... But Always lived in Leeds. Been in the same house since I was 5/nearly 6... Around the end of December strangely. =P 13 years in about a week and a half's time. =D

Only been out of the country to France, Spain and Belgium. I'd love to travel more once I have the money though.

[TruckerPete]

Hah ... I may have totally slept with a guy who had a sexy accent purely for my bucket list. :D

[Somegeezer]

Hah ... I may have totally slept with a guy who had a sexy accent purely for my bucket list. :D
Bucket list? I'm guessing that's like a list of things to do before you die? Quite a silly one for the list though. Hope it was a fun time for you. =D

[TruckerPete]

Bucket list? I'm guessing that's like a list of things to do before you die? Quite a silly one for the list though. Hope it was a fun time for you. =D

Well, technically it was part of the "F*cket" list. Which is a list of sexual things you'd like to do before you die.

Yes, completely frivolous, but hey, guys are allowed to be gaga over ... certain physical aspects of girls. So I indulged. :)

[Somegeezer]

Well, technically it was part of the "F*cket" list. Which is a list of sexual things you'd like to do before you die.

Yes, completely frivolous, but hey, guys are allowed to be gaga over ... certain physical aspects of girls. So I indulged. :)
Sounds like fun. I'm not really one for sex games. =P I do like making lists though. =D I sound so boring. =P

I don't see a problem with you indulging though. It can be very fun for a lot of people. ^_^

[TruckerPete]

Sounds like fun. I'm not really one for sex games. =P I do like making lists though. =D I sound so boring. =P

I don't see a problem with you indulging though. It can be very fun for a lot of people. ^_^

Hah. This was many a year ago when I first went off to university. Okay, not soooo long ago, but I was definitely a different person then.

[Somegeezer]

Hah. This was many a year ago when I first went off to university. Okay, not soooo long ago, but I was definitely a different person then.
Seems like most people have all the fun in their younger years and settle down as they get older. I prefer to just have constant flow of good times. =P

[SNeacail]

Seems like most people have all the fun in their younger years and settle down as they get older. I prefer to just have constant flow of good times. =P

Sorry, but if some of us that are over 40, tried to keep the pace we did at age 20, I think we would hang ourselves out of pure exhaustion.:p

[Somegeezer]

Sorry, but if some of us that are over 40, tried to keep the pace we did at age 20, I think we would hang ourselves out of pure exhaustion.:p
Hehe. I have no experience being 40 yet. =P I don't particularly look forward to it, but I'm sure I won't be doing much different. Like I say, I enjoy keeping things constant, rather than having all my fun now. I don't even see the fun in going out and getting drunk out of my head every weekend. Every couple months maybe.

[Breathesgirl]

Bah. Being drunk is over rated any way!

I have way too much fun sober to want to ruin what I have with intoxicants.

[Somegeezer]

Bah. Being drunk is over rated any way!

I have way too much fun sober to want to ruin what I have with intoxicants.
Exactly the same way I feel really. I have fun sober. Why get drunk and forget all the fun that happened the next day?

[Erin]

Speaking of accents, yes, many Americans (including me) naturally find other accents from other countries / cultures very sexy, and England and Ireland are at the top of my list. I always said I'd move to Ireland just to pick up their accent. The US is so big that too many of us sound the same. We either sound normal/flat, country, New York, Chicago, or Minnesotan/Canadian ("don't ya know there fella"). Sorry if I offended anyone out there! I'm just playing around.

In the 90s, I was a HUGE fan of Absolutely Fabulous (Ab Fab!), despite not understanding Patsy all the time :eek: I also think the Hispanic accent is sexy where I live.

Have you ever heard a true Chicago accent? They terribly exaggerate it on TV/movies. We are like the New York accent, but less pronounced. I learned I had a Chicago accent when I traveled around the country after high school.

People I had met would instantly recognize where I was from... Chicago.

Then I'd say, "Whatcha ya talkin' about?!" ;)

[Somegeezer]

Speaking of accents, yes, many Americans (including me) naturally find other accents from other countries / cultures very sexy, and England and Ireland are at the top of my list. I always said I'd move to Ireland just to pick up their accent. The US is so big that too many of us sound the same. We either sound normal/flat, country, New York, Chicago, or Minnesotan/Canadian ("don't ya know there fella"). Sorry if I offended anyone out there! I'm just playing around.

In the 90s, I was a HUGE fan of Absolutely Fabulous (Ab Fab!), despite not understanding Patsy all the time :eek: I also think the Hispanic accent is sexy where I live.

Have you ever heard a true Chicago accent? They terribly exaggerate it on TV/movies. We are like the New York accent, but less pronounced. I learned I had a Chicago accent when I traveled around the country after high school.

People I had met would instantly recognize where I was from... Chicago.

Then I'd say, "Whatcha ya talkin' about?!" ;)
Texas has quite a distinguishable accent too. But yes, in general, it is hard to pinpoint a location. Whereas over in England, there's a new accent in every town. It's a 15 minute drive into Wakefield and I can hear a difference between there accent and mine. Manchester is one of the next cities over and there a difference in accent there that anyone should be able to hear.

I have heard a true Chicago accent. I know quite a few people in Illinois as a whole actually. There and Arizona seem to be where most Americans I talk to are from.

I'd be instantly seen as "northern" if i went down south. But I other than the north/south divide, nobody seems to care exactly where you're from here. But I have quite a strong Leeds accent. Only I don't speak all the slang, so my words are slightly easier to understand. =P

[mirrormelovely]

Hah ... I may have totally slept with a guy who had a sexy accent purely for my bucket list. :D

Haha TruckerPete...I must admit to doing this too. My goodness...:o

[Julie77]

The people in Barbados have a very sexy accent. It is part British and part Caribbean. Quite enjoyable to listen to. :)

[Somegeezer]

The people in Barbados have a very sexy accent. It is part British and part Caribbean. Quite enjoyable to listen to. :)
Their accent sounds like a weird mix of Jamaican and a Devon farmer. =P It's a really weird accent. Farmer accents seem to be strange in most countries.

[Julie77]

One accent I always found so different from what I have been use to is the Tennessee one. I've never been to TN but have sit on the plane by people from there. :D

[TruckerPete]

Haha TruckerPete...I must admit to doing this too. My goodness...:o

You rock! :D

[Magdlyn]

Another Anglophile here. I've read so many English novels. My first erotic stirrings were to the Beatles when they first hit the states. In 1963. When I was 8.

I was a huge Monty Python fan in college and nowadays have focused on Eddie Izzard (an honorary Python). I saw his Stripped act 3 times in 2008 and got to hug him and get his autograph. *swoon* He was so polite and charming.

Yeah, I think I need to put getting with an English guy or girl on my Fuckit list. lol Irish, Scots, Australian or NZers would also work.

[Somegeezer]

Another Anglophile here. I've read so many English novels. My first erotic stirrings were to the Beatles when they first hit the states. In 1963. When I was 8.

I was a huge Monty Python fan in college and nowadays have focused on Eddie Izzard (an honorary Python). I saw his Stripped act 3 times in 2008 and got to hug him and get his autograph. *swoon* He was so polite and charming.

Yeah, I think I need to put getting with an English guy or girl on my Fuckit list. lol Irish, Scots, Australian or NZers would also work.
Ooft Eddie Izzard. He's one of the few comedians who can really put me in stitches. Along with Billy Connolly, Bill Bailey and Tim Minchin to name a few.
I can certainly imagine Izzard to be very polite. He seems like a genuine kinda guy. The whole lot of Monty Python guys are just classic British comedians. Very old fashioned comedy compared to these lot now though I think. Me being only 18, I've grown up without much of the older stuff, so I'm pretty biased towards the newer guys really. =P
I just saw Dara O'Briain a couple of weeks ago. He was brilliant too. I'm not sure if many of you outside the UK will know him? He's only just come onto the scene in the past few years though.

[eklctc]

I love Izzard! My Bosnian friend at work turned me on to him.

[Somegeezer]

Lee Evans is another guy I quite enjoy. His stand up stuff is on tv all the time though. It gets kinda boring after you've seen it for the millionth time. Anyone who hasn't seen his stand up certainly should have a look though. =]

[TruckerPete]

Merry Christmas, Somegeezer!

[Somegeezer]

Merry Christmas, Somegeezer!
Thank you. Though I got that at 2am my time, which means merry boxing day. =P It's probably the 26th over where you are now too seeing as it is coming up to 7am here. =P Hope you had a good day though. Everyone that is. =]

[Somegeezer]

Little update:
Just doing a lot of thinking tonight and trapping myself into a crappy mood.

Thinking a lot about one of the girls I'm real close with, who I just can't be with. I feel like I am or already have convinced myself that this girl is something more than she really is. Like all expectation has been put on her. I feel like the chance we ever could be together, I would be thoroughly disappointed or something. I also feel like I may possibly sabotage other possible relationships from putting so much focus on her.

Advice is appreciated, but I honestly doubt I'll actually take it. :(

[FlameKat]

Hugs SG

....Breathe....

This will be hard... but put it aside for a bit... lose yourself in some music... or maybe go do something completely new and preferably physical (go bungee jumping or something) something that will force your mind away from dwelling...

try to come back to it refreshed and from a new perspective.

[Somegeezer]

Hugs SG

....Breathe....

This will be hard... but put it aside for a bit... lose yourself in some music... or maybe go do something completely new and preferably physical (go bungee jumping or something) something that will force your mind away from dwelling...

try to come back to it refreshed and from a new perspective.
Thanks for the hugs. I do love those. =]

I always try lose myself in music. Listening and playing. That's another thing. I feel like I haven't played enough music lately. People busy writing songs and putting off gigs. Meant to have one at end of january, but I think we're dropping out. Not cool with me. =[ But people have their problems too.

I wish I could do other stuff. Not quite so much jumping of a bridge attached to a rope though. I can't really afford anything though. People who call me their friend don't show it. I haven't been outside the house to do more than checking my bank. That's only because my online banking still hasn't been sorted out.

I'm hoping I can go walking with a friend tomorrow for a few hours, but I'll no doubt come spiralling back into these thoughts once I get back home.

[FlameKat]

Eeeesh SG!!

Get out of the house already... go for a walk in the park... got a camera? how about one on your phone? go take some snapsots of trees covered in snow... get creative with it... just do SOMETHING...

post them up here :D we'd all love a look... in fact maybe we could start a thread for creative ideas to help clear the head?

[SNeacail]

I feel like I haven't played enough music lately. People busy writing songs and putting off gigs.

A musician going through music withdrawal - NOT good. Probably as bad as not getting enough sex.:eek:

I agree with FlameKat change what's in your power to fix.

[Somegeezer]

Eeeesh SG!!

Get out of the house already... go for a walk in the park... got a camera? how about one on your phone? go take some snapsots of trees covered in snow... get creative with it... just do SOMETHING...

post them up here :D we'd all love a look... in fact maybe we could start a thread for creative ideas to help clear the head?
I love taking pictures. I have a surprisingly good phone cam actually - 5mp. Not too shabby for a phone. I do need a proper cam though. I think I mentioned earlier here about wanting to do film and photography at college?

No snow here anymore. But there's predicted more this week. Doubt it'll settle. End of January, I expect another 2 or 3 inches pileup though. The whole country stopping still once more.

Once I set up my new computer, I'll be sure to get all artsy again. This one is getting to its last legs. Even facebook tries to kill it often. =P

A musician going through music withdrawal - NOT good. Probably as bad as not getting enough sex.:eek:

I agree with FlameKat change what's in your power to fix.
Music performace withdrawal. I have enough music on my computer to last more than 2 weeks non-stop to listen to. But I've heard it all before it feels like. What's worse though, is I have like writers block for musical composition. I'm wanting to write an album through this year, but I'm already not feeling confident with that.

Also, I don't get enough sex either. =P Though, that isn't something which bothers me all that much thankfully.

[Somegeezer]

Lost a friend today.

Opened up and told her I felt I didn't get to talk enough to her and I wanted to be able to get to know her more. Because conversations always became stale and moved nowhere.

She opened up a little too much on her problems with me and began to just straight up insult me.
I tried to calm her down and ask what I could do to help the problem, only leading to us both having a long and winded conversation that kept going around in circles.

I feel I lost a little something, whilst at the same time, wondering if there was anything ever there. Partially happy that it was stopped now, before I became close enough to feel any pain from it.

EDIT: I'd like to add, I once brought up polyamory with her in conversation and my views on it. She used it against me as if I were a monster. Now that certainly did hurt. =[

[FlameKat]

Hugs SG... Hugs

[Somegeezer]

Hugs SG... Hugs
Thank you. <3 Always appreciated.

[eklctc]

Sorry about your ordeal today. It just may be for the best. It is hurtful when people you have confided in use the information you have shared to belittle you or judge you. I hope things look up for you and you can take this in stride.

[TruckerPete]

EDIT: I'd like to add, I once brought up polyamory with her in conversation and my views on it. She used it against me as if I were a monster. Now that certainly did hurt. =[

That's a low move. :mad:

[Somegeezer]

Sorry about your ordeal today. It just may be for the best. It is hurtful when people you have confided in use the information you have shared to belittle you or judge you. I hope things look up for you and you can take this in stride.
It is very hurtful. Certainly makes me understand I'm better without them in my life, if they felt this way all along.

That's a low move. :mad:
Very low. I seem to be less angry about it than you though. That's a mean looking face. =]


In other news... My computer is up and running and she is beautiful. I haven't been able to test her to the limits with some gaming yet, but I shall be tonight.
It is also my borthday today. But not for another 2 hours in the most eastern states over in America. 19 now. Woohoo?

[BrigidsDaughter]

Happy Birthday SG!

[MonoVCPHG]

Happy Birthday!!

[Somegeezer]

Happy Birthday SG!

Happy Birthday!!
Thank you both. =]

[SNeacail]

Happy Birthday!

[Somegeezer]

Happy Birthday!
Thank you. =]

[TruckerPete]

Happy belated birthday! :)

[Somegeezer]

Happy belated birthday! :)
Not really belated. Still my birthday for another 4 hours yet. =] Even longer over there. Hehe. Thank you though. =]

[Somegeezer]

Internet has been cut off for a couple days and I hate how lost I am without it. =P Seems like everything I actually do, happens on the internet at some point or other. Yet I still feel I'm wasting most of my time writing on internet forums, rather than pushing myself out into the real world at last. It's about time I did, but I can't find the motivation anywhere.

[eklctc]

Happy belated birthday. There are a lot of us with early January birthdays, eh? Cool!

[Charlie]

Just go outside, brother.

Let the wind push you in a direction,
instead of trying to force yourself to move.

Walk away from the predictable,
and go do great and powerful things.

We will all still be here when you get back.

Safe travels, sir.

[Somegeezer]

Happy belated birthday. There are a lot of us with early January birthdays, eh? Cool!
Most people seem to to have birthdays around September it seems. But yes, january is also a popular birth month. Maybe people plan for that? Maybe they want their children to be born at the start of the year or something?

Just go outside, brother.

Let the wind push you in a direction,
instead of trying to force yourself to move.

Walk away from the predictable,
and go do great and powerful things.

We will all still be here when you get back.

Safe travels, sir.
I do love when people talk like this. =D It's inspirational to some. I feel I look too hard at words sometimes and miss their meaning though.

I think my problem is that I don't push myself in the direction I want to go. I just expect everything to work out to way I want and for me to end up being happy without putting my own effort in. I don't think life works that way.

What great and powerful things do you suggest I do though? I have no idea really.

[SNeacail]

I think my problem is that I don't push myself in the direction I want to go. I just expect everything to work out to way I want and for me to end up being happy without putting my own effort in. I don't think life works that way.

This is a very important point to keep in mind. I see this over and over again with myself and others. I'm now working on it :D. I think this is a HUGE problem within many marriages and relationships. Post something on the wall someplace that will remind you of this daily.

[Somegeezer]

This is a very important point to keep in mind. I see this over and over again with myself and others. I'm now working on it :D. I think this is a HUGE problem within many marriages and relationships. Post something on the wall someplace that will remind you of this daily.
I've thought about maybe giving myself routine. I've never enjoyed routine, which is why I don't go by one anymore. But it seems to work for people. I'm just not sure about how I could, whilst still maintaining happiness with it. I don't even like sleeping at the same time every night. I just go when I'm tired.

[TruckerPete]

I've thought about maybe giving myself routine. I've never enjoyed routine, which is why I don't go by one anymore. But it seems to work for people. I'm just not sure about how I could, whilst still maintaining happiness with it. I don't even like sleeping at the same time every night. I just go when I'm tired.

What if you start small? Using the bedtime example, instead of saying you'll go to bed at 11 every night, you could instead say that you'll be in bed by midnight every say, Monday and Wednesday.

Once you've adjusted to that, increase the number of days gradually.

Again, the bedtime is only an example, but no one says all the changes need to be made at once. :)

[Somegeezer]

What if you start small? Using the bedtime example, instead of saying you'll go to bed at 11 every night, you could instead say that you'll be in bed by midnight every say, Monday and Wednesday.

Once you've adjusted to that, increase the number of days gradually.

Again, the bedtime is only an example, but no one says all the changes need to be made at once. :)
Yeah. I think that is one of the last things I'd want to change though haha. I keep telling myself I should practise my instrument more often. Having it out of my case and next to my amp has helped a little, but I still don't learn enough new material. I keep going over things I already know well enough.

[TruckerPete]

Yeah. I think that is one of the last things I'd want to change though haha. I keep telling myself I should practise my instrument more often. Having it out of my case and next to my amp has helped a little, but I still don't learn enough new material. I keep going over things I already know well enough.

What about saying that you'll spend five minutes on something new when you practice?

[Somegeezer]

What about saying that you'll spend five minutes on something new when you practice?
I shall. Even if it's just a little section of a song or something that I will just repeat over til I get it perfect. I think it might be a good place to start.

[Charlie]

Just go outside. Really. That's how things happen. Go scrub the civilization out from under your fingernails.

When you first considered that possessiveness and control were less than useful in relating to other people and their lives, did you not also consider that the same thing applied to your relationship with yourself? Work for it, yes, but resist the temptation to think that you will ever get want you want by lusting after it. Go outside, where you can be heard, out there in the physical world somewhere, and tell the Universe what you want. If the Universe doesn't know what it is that you want, it can't give it to you.

Music and Film? Absolutely strive to find an academic program that looks promising, but don't lose sight of the fact that music and films are made everyday, on the street, by real people, not just formally trained, degree wielding persons. Go outside, lick your finger, hold it up to the wind, identitfy which way it's blowing, and start walking in that direction. See what happens. Be open to it.

It's like trying to focus on something in the dark or at dusk: If you look just to the left or right of what you want to see, you see it more clearly than trying to stare directly at it.

[Somegeezer]

Just go outside. Really. That's how things happen. Go scrub the civilization out from under your fingernails.

When you first considered that possessiveness and control were less than useful in relating to other people and their lives, did you not also consider that the same thing applied to your relationship with yourself? Work for it, yes, but resist the temptation to think that you will ever get want you want by lusting after it. Go outside, where you can be heard, out there in the physical world somewhere, and tell the Universe what you want. If the Universe doesn't know what it is that you want, it can't give it to you.

Music and Film? Absolutely strive to find an academic program that looks promising, but don't lose sight of the fact that music and films are made everyday, on the street, by real people, not just formally trained, degree wielding persons. Go outside, lick your finger, hold it up to the wind, identitfy which way it's blowing, and start walking in that direction. See what happens. Be open to it.

It's like trying to focus on something in the dark or at dusk: If you look just to the left or right of what you want to see, you see it more clearly than trying to stare directly at it.
I enjoy reading your words. A lot. :D My uncle said the same thing to me last month. Just to push myself out there and see where it takes me. I don't have any experience with that though. I'll try it though.

[Charlie]

Somegeezer,

When I teach at the university or college level, where I must hand out grades for performance, I tell my students one thing in particular on the first day:

"I have no interest in chasing a bunch of other adults around, telling them what they should or should not be doing. That is not my job. If you desire to be educated, to learn, to take risks, and to grow your soul, show up, and I will teach you everything I know. For the things I do not know, I will be the first to say so, and we can learn it together. But you must be here, participating, for anything of value to happen. It's your life, your education, and your money. It's your choice."

Don't try.

Do.

[Somegeezer]

Somegeezer,

When I teach at the university or college level, where I must hand out grades for performance, I tell my students one thing in particular on the first day:

"I have no interest in chasing a bunch of other adults around, telling them what they should or should not be doing. That is not my job. If you desire to be educated, to learn, to take risks, and to grow your soul, show up, and I will teach you everything I know. For the things I do not know, I will be the first to say so, and we can learn it together. But you must be here, participating, for anything of value to happen. It's your life, your education, and your money. It's your choice."

Don't try.

Do.
I agree with that paragraph. It's something I live by myself. But I wouldn't study something I'm not interested in. I don't teach myself things that have no value to my future. Learning is not the same as going out and doing things.

By going out and doing things, you can learn and learning can often mean you have to go out and do things. But they are separate.

[Charlie]

Trust me when I say that you cannot know what things are valuable to your future. Everything you can learn, and I mean EVERYTHING, has the potential to open that one critical door that leads you to your goal(s).

For instance, my father worked for many years in municipal waste water treatment, or to put it bluntly, cleaning up other people's shit. I learned skills from him, without ever desiring to be a pipe fitter. Long story short, I just finished fixing a toilet/sink for a tenant, who pays rent, and thus supports part of my life.

[Somegeezer]

Trust me when I say that you cannot know what things are valuable to your future. Everything you can learn, and I mean EVERYTHING, has the potential to open that one critical door that leads you to your goal(s).

For instance, my father worked for many years in municipal waste water treatment, or to put it bluntly, cleaning up other people's shit. I learned skills from him, without ever desiring to be a pipe fitter. Long story short, I just finished fixing a toilet/sink for a tenant, who pays rent, and thus supports part of my life.
Knowing how to fix pipes is a handy skill for anyone to have. It brings the cost down when you have to fix some pipes. Knowing someone close who has those skills is just as good. My mother's partner is an all round handy man. Electric, gas, plumbing, woodwork, building. He does it all. Because he lives here, he does it for free.

Don't mistake handy skills for truly valuable ones. Knowledge which can change your life, isn't knowledge that can save you a few pennies here and there.

[Somegeezer]

I haven't been posting as much on this forum lately. Though I am still reading a lot of the stuff! It's all still very interesting and I'm still learning a lot about polyamory.

In my own poly news, still making new friends everyday and always getting closer to them. =] Still no romantic relationships, but a very loving family, full of close and amazing friends. =]

I don't know if I mentioned anything already about my band breaking up, but we actually just got everything back on track. Our last gig was in November I think. The very beginning of. But I have my first practise in a long while coming up on sunday and I'm feeling fresh. Feels like I've been sitting about at my computer for too long. Will feel good having my music back. =]

I hope all is good with everyone else and that you all have huge smiles on those lovely faces. =] I'll keep updating as I can.

[Somegeezer]

My mother and Dave [her partner] just came back from their second trip together to Canada. [they have been many time separately before too]. They went to Calgary and really enjoyed themselves. They have been planning on moving there for a long time together and I believe they have settled on Calgary. Hopefully in the next 2 years or so, they will be out there and I'll be left with a house to myself. [unless I'm lucky enough to have some lovely people move in with me]

So yeah, just a little update on my life. Still reading all the great posts on here, even though I've not been replying much to them, so I'm not dead or anything. =P

[dragonflysky]

Good to hear you're alive and well! I knew I hadn't seen you posting much lately and was hoping all was well. You've given lots of good feedback and support to many on here, myself included.

[bella123456]

I don't get on here that often either/or even less often post ! - Great news about getting the band back together !!!! Fabbo !

There's nothing like playing music with other people.

I often look at my child playing with mates....I think I have the same smile when I play music with my mates...

There should be more playing in the world ;)

[Somegeezer]

Good to hear you're alive and well! I knew I hadn't seen you posting much lately and was hoping all was well. You've given lots of good feedback and support to many on here, myself included.
I do enjoy helping people out as much as I can, with what I have. =] I hope whatever I gave you really helped and made your life just that little bit better. =]

I don't get on here that often either/or even less often post ! - Great news about getting the band back together !!!! Fabbo !

There's nothing like playing music with other people.

I often look at my child playing with mates....I think I have the same smile when I play music with my mates...

There should be more playing in the world ;)
Unfortunately, that band has officially quit now. We've gone our separate ways. Si [lead guitar and vocals] went on the make his secondary band his new primary and I went on to join a new band. They are brilliant guys and seem to have it together from the get go. Had a few gigs with them and enjoyed myself. =] Plus they have a German vocalist. He's amazing. ;D - http://www.myspace.com/shadowsofviolence - Check them out if you fancy it. Recordings aren't brilliant up there and not many people get into Metal easily, but worth checking out.

Playing is a lot of fun for everyone. =] Growing up is boring. =P You can be mature and have fun at the same time. Music is just where I get the most of my fun. =] What do you play may I ask? Feel free to give me a link if you have anything online too. =]

[Somegeezer]

Just started a relationship with someone who I mentioned polyamory to and understands what it means for me. She seems to support it, but also finding it hard to bring herself into as a mono herself. I think if someone else does come into my life, there will be a lot of jealousy to cope with. But hoping I can help with that and any other problems that I am sure will come forward at some point.

Thanks for reading my small and irregular updates to those of you who do. =]

[bella123456]

Wow - exciting times !!

Violin - Very poorly at present...my enthusiasm is strong though :)

[Somegeezer]

Wow - exciting times !!

Violin - Very poorly at present...my enthusiasm is strong though :)
Quite. Hopefully more excitement in my life to come. =D

Violin is cool. I wish I could play it. =] Being a stringed instrument, I would probably do well with it. Strings and percussion are my 2 favs. Probably woodwind and brass equally after that. Or perhaps synths just before them. Either way! =P I wanna learn violin one day. =] Enthusiasm is good. Keep it up and you will get there fast. =]

[MonoVCPHG]

Quite. Hopefully more excitement in my life to come. =D

=]

Good luck man! Great to hear :)

[redpepper]

good luck somegeezer :)

[Somegeezer]

Good luck man! Great to hear :)

good luck somegeezer :)
Thank you both. =]

[Somegeezer]

Well now! I think I might have made a record for my shortest relationship ever. I really underestimate my ability to make people hate me without doing all that much.

Thankfully, we didn't have all much time to really make a strong connection either, so I'm really not upset about it.

Also, there is another I'm looking at for the moment. I like her and she likes me, but it seems she is strictly mono and wouldn't like to be in a relationship with someone who was poly. So I'm pretty much stuck there. We're close friends and known each other from college, so both have this interest for music. I guess we can keep a very close friendship, but it will be a lot of hard work for me.

The other I care for and love deeply, who I probably mentioned right near the beginning of this blog... - I'm feeling we're at a point where our friendship is very strong. I'm not so much worried that I may never get to be with her and instead, very very happy that I have her as one of my closest friends. I hope that feeling comes with the one in the previous paragraph too.

As for romantic and intimate relationships, the search continues.

Hmph. =/

[Somegeezer]

Met someone new at a gig only this time last week. Spent most of the week together and started a relationship. Not quite open to poly, but certainly seems a possibility in the future. I'm really enjoying my time with her and we had an instant connection. I understand NRE is going to be a huge part of it. But I'm hoping there isn't a big change when and if it wears off. =]

[Somegeezer]

Well, I have tried talking a lot more about poly with the partner, who I will now refer to as cherrytory, as I got her to sign up to the site last night. She hasn't posted yet, but I hope she will later today or tonight.

She seems really confused, upset and finding it all hard to take in. As I expected. I probbaly haven't made it much easier if at all, as you can obviously see, I'm not great at making my points clear. She also seems to be quite sure she doesn't want to be with anyone else. Which makes it a lot harder for me to help her understand my point of view. [hopefully a lot of help from Mono and Redpepper?]

I just really want to find a way to help her understand and accept who I am, but be happy with that too.

[Somegeezer]

I feel like the whole poly stuff is moving so slowly. As if cherrytory isn't even wanting to accept me for who I am. Maybe I'm just not being patient enough. I keep trying to bring it up in conversation. Not forcefully either, just when it feels right. When the rest of the conversation is related. But she will always hide away from it/change the subject. I'm really not sure how to handle it now.

Other news, my band's vocalist is moving back to Germany soon. Almost finished his university studies. It'll be impossible to find a replacement like him and even though I haven't been in the band long, I will miss gigging with the guy.

Hope everyone is well and happy and life is going good for you all.

[Somegeezer]

This is from the "how we work" thread and I thought it was some interesting stuff to add here. =]

I think most people will treat others like they treat them. Although, I generally prefer to deal with hostility by giving sarcasm back. I love to play mind games with them too. If they can't treat me nicely, I may as well have my fun.

I enjoy large groups, because there will always be someone else doing the talking. One on one, there is always a great chance that neither of you will have anything to talk about. I do actually like just sitting in silence, but most people find it to be awkward.

I'm quite open when people do engage me in conversation though. Even though I don't enjoy starting a conversation, I love listening and replying to questions. The more thought out and interesting the question, the more I'll put into my answer. I never lie either.

I feel I have quite a dominant personality and I'm really damn stubborn! I love for things to always go my way. But I try everyday to change that. It's not something I like about myself. I feel there are times i really need to step back and not get involved. It's difficult.

I try to make the most difficult things simple. I hate when people try to use big fancy words when it would have been quicker and easier to understand in 2 words. I don't want to read an essay, I just want to understand. I believe it was Einstein or someone around his time that said "An intellgient person can be seen as one who can explain the most difficult things in a simple way." Intelligence is sexy!

Speaking of which... The things I find most interesting, I will always study, even in my free time. I don't need to be forced into education to learn the things that interest me. That's one thing I hate about the education system. But that's for another thread.

LR said "If I'm not careful it comes off like I don't care, when that's not at all the case."
I am just like this. I like to be honest and to the point. It often upsets people, because they think I just don't care. But what makes it harder is, even when I tell them honestly and straight that I DO care... They don't believe me.

I like to keep busy. If I didn't have people to talk to and things to do, I would not be able to be as happy as I always try to be. As long as I'm busy, I am happy. Hopefully I can add to that when my music studio comes into fruition!

Feel free to ask if you want to know more.

[SNeacail]

I try to make the most difficult things simple. I hate when people try to use big fancy words when it would have been quicker and easier to understand in 2 words. I don't want to read an essay, I just want to understand.

Sometimes just a few more words help. In general, women need too hear and use more words, where men are usually ok with one or two word answers and/or a grunt or two :p. I would just suggest know your audience. I have the opposite problem, I use too many words :eek:

[Somegeezer]

Sometimes just a few more words help. In general, women need too hear and use more words, where men are usually ok with one or two word answers and/or a grunt or two :p. I would just suggest know your audience. I have the opposite problem, I use too many words :eek:
I didn't literally mean 2 words. =P But as few words as is possible. If they can't understand what you mean in a single sentence, try a second sentence. I always try to adapt the way I speak and write to suit whoever I am talking with too. Some words, people just won't understand. Like polyamory for example. Not many people know what it is. So using just that word to explain wouldn't mean anything to most people. So you would perhaps say multiple meaningful relationships, or for the sake of avoiding a large amount of questions [I actually enjoy questions though!], maybe you'd say you were in an open relationship. Difficult word that most people don't understand, into a description that most people can understand.

[Somegeezer]

I can't stand... Child services.
They really think they are the be all and end all on YOUR children. You know what's worse? They hire people who DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN to tell YOU how to look after YOURS! I have to say my cherrytory is an AMAZING mother. She absolutely loves her child to pieces and does everything so well. The kid is healthy as could be and has everything she needs.

Then child services come and tell cherry - "No, you have to do it our way now or we will take your child off you. You're going to have to stay with your child 24/7 and she will not be allowed anywhere without you."

How can expect anyone to do that? Threatened with your child being taken off you too? I'm seriously pissed off, as you can see for good reason too! It's times like this that I really hate the way people abuse their power. Power that nobody should have in the first place!

[gamerprincess]

I can't stand... Child services.
They really think they are the be all and end all on YOUR children. You know what's worse? They hire people who DON'T EVEN HAVE CHILDREN to tell YOU how to look after YOURS! I have to say my cherrytory is an AMAZING mother. She absolutely loves her child to pieces and does everything so well. The kid is healthy as could be and has everything she needs.

Then child services come and tell cherry - "No, you have to do it our way now or we will take your child off you. You're going to have to stay with your child 24/7 and she will not be allowed anywhere without you."

How can expect anyone to do that? Threatened with your child being taken off you too? I'm seriously pissed off, as you can see for good reason too! It's times like this that I really hate the way people abuse their power. Power that nobody should have in the first place!

So sorry to hear this.. Unfortunately, Child Protective Services here in the US isn't any better. I have a good friend who is a great mother, who is dealing with something similar only she had her child taken away and is now fighting to get him back.

Hopefully all works out anc Cherry won't be harassed by them anymore.

[Somegeezer]

So sorry to hear this.. Unfortunately, Child Protective Services here in the US isn't any better. I have a good friend who is a great mother, who is dealing with something similar only she had her child taken away and is now fighting to get him back.

Hopefully all works out anc Cherry won't be harassed by them anymore.
That's a shame. May I ask why they took her child? I'm sure they are really just trying to harrass cherry until she breaks down and gives them a real reason to take her child. It's like torture. But I know she'll stay strong for her baby always.

[nycindie]

They're forcing her to have the child with her at all times, no babysitters? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why? Does Cherry work? And she's supposed to take the kid with her on the job? Weird. There should be someone she can talk to about this, a social worker or even a counselor.

[Somegeezer]

They're forcing her to have the child with her at all times, no babysitters? That doesn't make any sense. I mean, why? Does Cherry work? And she's supposed to take the kid with her on the job? Weird. There should be someone she can talk to about this, a social worker or even a counselor.
No, she doesn't work. But she also can't if she has to be with her 24/7. She isn't allowed to be alone with anyone but Cherry. Cherry is in and out of meetings with them like every other day or so trying to sort out this stupidity. She's moving into a new house soon, because she's been back with her mother for a few months and she's trying to sort out getting some money in again. It's taking its toll on her and seeing how stressed she is getting is really hard on me too. I want to be able to help however I can.

[Somegeezer]

Good news from last post... I think the child is being left alone by the child services people now.

New news - Cherry has just found out about someone I USED TO love a great deal. It has hurt her a lot, but now it just makes me feel even worse about loving other people NOW. I've promised that it is just me and her right now and that I wouldn't think about being with anyone else without our own relationship being strong as ever. But i just feel like communication gets thrown out of the window. I'm not the best at expressing myself to start with, but I really feel like she doesn't even want to try. Maybe she is just as bad as I am and feels the same about me? But everything I kep trying to keep that good communication going just gets thrown away. I feel like it might be the last chance to get through all this before it just ends.

[dragonflysky]

Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else??:confused::( I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!

I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!

[nycindie]

New news - Cherry has just found out about someone I USED TO love a great deal. It has hurt her a lot . . .
I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?

I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).

She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?

[Somegeezer]

Cherry is hurt about someone you USED to love? I don't think this bodes well for eventual acceptance on her part of your interest in polyamory. If she can't handle past relationships without getting bent out of shape....how would she ever handle a current relationship with someone else??:confused::( I wouldn't want to face this issue (jealousy or hurt over a past love) going into a MONO relationship much less a poly relationship!!

I don't know how you express yourself in-person, Somegeezer, but I think you communicate quite well in this forum. Just remember to take good care of yourself and YOUR needs, too!
I'm beginning to think she was just having a bad day and had to find something to take it out on, but I certainly don't want to put up with it myself if things like this pop up often enough.

I don't understand how your past love hurts her. Does she think you lived in a bubble before meeting her?

I agree that this does not bode well for the future if she has such an immature view (but I think you are a very mature person for your age!) and is so possessive that you can't have a past. The problem is not how you communicate, I am sure; it is how she listens (or refuses to listen).

She's a member here - maybe she can post about her issues with it?
Funny, because she often tells me that I don't listen. But I have felt it was her not understanding what I was trying to say instead. As dragonfly said, I don't seem to be all that bad at expressing myself here, but maybe my writing it just a lot more coherent than my speech.

Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?

I think she would prefer I lived in a bubble before her, but she has to accept that it isn't reality. She has had her own past too. I'm sure both of ours have been different, but I don't feel like I should worry about what has already happened. I just make the best of what I have now.

She doesn't really feel comfortable with this site, or with polyamory in general. But if she gets jealous over the people I used to love, I can't see her ever accepting those I love now. Or the fact that I love other people. I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.

[nycindie]

Would you think writing down what I want to say would help her understand if it's really the case?
Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.

I'm just not sure how I could communicate it to her in a way she understands. I don't want her being upset over it. Not just because I don't like upsetting people, but because it is something she really needs to accept.

If you approach it with love and compassion, that's the best you can do. You have no control over what she does with the information. If she chooses to be upset about it, that's on her. If she refuses to accept your poly-ness, that's on her. All you can do is be honest, and express what you need to express in the kindest way you can. But sometimes it takes being a little firm to get people to take their blinders off.

[Somegeezer]

Perhaps. At the very least, writing it out could help you sort out what you want to say, whether you speak to her or give it to her to read.



If you approach it with love and compassion, that's the best you can do. You have no control over what she does with the information. If she chooses to be upset about it, that's on her. If she refuses to accept your poly-ness, that's on her. All you can do is be honest, and express what you need to express in the kindest way you can. But sometimes it takes being a little firm to get people to take their blinders off.
Thank you. You and everyone else who has given me advice. I always appreciate it.

[Somegeezer]

WELL!

I've recently lost Cherry. She left me, only to go fuck another guy. I thought all this talk of polyamory might have given her a clue that if that's what she really wanted, it was fine with me!

I really hate myself for not seeing this coming though. She left her ex to be with me in the first place. I'm sick of mind games and I'm sick of being treated like shit by everyone. Always being walked over. I don't know if I should be upset or glad I'm rid of her. I've already wasted too many tears.

[SNeacail]

Hugs!

It's OK to be upset right now and it doesn't matter the WHY! In fact the reasons for being upset will evolve and change. Eventually you will want/need to disect everything, but don't rush yourself.

[dragonflysky]

Sorry about your loss....It's ok to be upset you lost her AND be glad she's gone. :( It's hard when we do our best to openly and honestly communicate with someone only to find they weren't playing by the same "rules".

[Somegeezer]

Hugs!

It's OK to be upset right now and it doesn't matter the WHY! In fact the reasons for being upset will evolve and change. Eventually you will want/need to disect everything, but don't rush yourself.

Sorry about your loss....It's ok to be upset you lost her AND be glad she's gone. :( It's hard when we do our best to openly and honestly communicate with someone only to find they weren't playing by the same "rules".
Thanks guys, but I really don't feel like being upset about anything. I really wanna push it out the way and just move on with life.

Eventually, those will come to us who are worth our time and effort and will show us the same appreciation back. Bring on that day. :(:(

[nycindie]

. . . I really don't feel like being upset about anything. I really wanna push it out the way and just move on with life.

That's very British isn't it? ;)

Well, it's a shame that she didn't appreciate you and everything you put into the relationship. You do sound a bit angry, and I don't blame you. You're such a good and thoughtful person. Keep taking care of yourself, making music, and being you!

I have a plaque on my wall that says a bunch of stuff, but at the end it goes: "Love more & all good things will be yours."

[Somegeezer]

That's very British isn't it? ;)

Well, it's a shame that she didn't appreciate you and everything you put into the relationship. You do sound a bit angry, and I don't blame you. You're such a good and thoughtful person. Keep taking care of yourself, making music, and being you!

I have a plaque on my wall that says a bunch of stuff, but at the end it goes: "Love more & all good things will be yours."
I wouldn't think it to be British, but I could be wrong.

I'm really not all that angry. I do hate that I put everything of myself into something and it didn't work though.

It's lovely you think that about me, even though you've never met me. I'll try my best to take care of myself. I think I'm fairly capable of it when I try.

I'll never stop making music until I'm dead. I've just bought some new gear actually, so now I can get recording some of my own music. Perhaps I'll share some here every now and then. Either on this blog or make a separate thread for it.

I'll always be me, too. Wouldn't want to be anyone else. As lovely as many people are, I enjoy who I am.

I like the sound of that plaque. What else does it say? I certainly haven't found a limit on my love, so loving more shouldn't be a problem. Not sure what kinda good things would come of it though.

[Somegeezer]

First off, the reason I'm adding this to my old blog, is because it's really not something I wish to put on the new me.

I recently found out, that my last partner, Cherry, has basically broken right down. She is now destroying her life, to a point where her daughter has now been actually taken away. For good reason this time.
I find it hard not to feel that I wasted my effort helping her life.
Why is it so difficult to keep my mind off these things? What can I do to stop it?