A new adventure [Archive] - Polyamory.com Forum

TL4everu2

09-12-2010, 05:21 AM

Ok....After a whopping 3 years in a relationship with another couple, L and I have broken up with them. :(

But....we have moved on to other pastures. L has had someone pursuing her on OKC. I will call this someone D. (Not the same "D" from our other relationship ;) ) He is a nice guy and is totally into L. They have been talking to each other via Facebook and texts for about two weeks or so now.

Well, tonight, we actually met up with him. What a nice guy! We met with him at 6:30, and hung out with him at a coffee house, and then dinner, then off to the bowling alley and played pool with him....Until about 11pm! And he had to get up at 5:15am to go to work tomorrow! It was easy to talk with him.

Something we learned from our last relationship, was that we needed to be honest with ourselves first, and then with those who we want to have a relationship with. So, L and I spoke BEFORE going onto this date. We agreed that we wanted a poly relationship in which we may eventually have someone move in with us. We further agreed that we had no issues with being completely open with everyone in public. So if she wants to hold his hand in public, she can...and if she wants to hold both of our hands in public, thats cool too.....Well, we discussed this with D tonight. He said he was completely open with his family about his poly lifestyle, and welcomed being open and free with our feelings in public. :) He also said that if things worked out between us all, then he would have no issues with sometime in the future, moving in. He says he truly IS poly, and is completely open about it. :D

L and he REALLY hit it off tonight. They were touching and holding each other close, and exploring. Nothing really "sexual" at this point, but the sexual feelings were definatly there. ;) He had so much respect for her. All the way down to actually ASKING if she minded if he put his hand on her back before actually doing it. We all had a GREAT time tonight trying to connect. L and he certainly connected, and a future meeting is a definite must. ;) L says that he is simply another one of me. He has a LOT of similar interests that I do. And I get along with him also. YAY!

Breathesgirl

09-12-2010, 01:16 PM

Woot, woot! Great! lol

Ain't it great when all get along so awesomely?

TL4everu2

09-12-2010, 02:21 PM

Yes it is. L says he made her feel like a little school girl all over again. :) She also said that now, she thinks she understands what I was going through with another woman (MY "D" from our other relationship that we just broke it off with) before.

L is experiencing NRE! YAY!!!! I love my wife, L, so much and absolutely LOVE it when she is happy. This morning, she was so happy, and we spent about 2 hours further discussing what boundries we may have in the future (or may NOT have ;) ) with her new lover. Watching them last night was SO awesome.

TL4everu2

09-12-2010, 06:25 PM

Oh yeah, something I almost forgot about...LOL This is actually VERY funny. I used to own a martial arts school and one of my old students saw us all three out last night. Thats not the odd part or the funny part....L and D were walking with arms around eachother. They were OBVIOUSLY together and hgaving a good time. My student saw my wife and felt the need to say "hi". Then, I walked up. It didn't even phase him. I introduced my wife's new friend simply as "our friend" because he is not her "lover" just yet. When things progress to that stage, IF they do, then we will be introducing him as L's "lover".

TL4everu2

09-13-2010, 01:02 AM

Wow again! We went out with D again today. What a great time. Hopefully L will start posting what she's feeling in this thread or possibly make her own? They kissed for the first time today. I wasn't sure how I would feel about that, as we have always had a rule of no kissing in the past. However, I felt very good about it today. L is COMPLETELY turned on by D's body and his mind. He always shows her so much respect, and he has a lot of the same philosephies that we do toward our relationship. (At least so far that we can tell) We all hold hands when in public, and people look at us and wonder who L is with....Me...Or him. LOL Kinda funny actually, but when they see her holding his hand AND my hand, they start to get the picture. When they see her KISS me, THEN him....They know whats going on to a point. LOL

Anyway, I took some pics of them today while we were all swimming. I won't poost them here, because I don't know how he will feel about it, and I want to respect him as much as he is my dear wife. He's very soft spoken, and always uses such respect for her. In general, he is a great reqief from the hecktic relationship we've been having for the last 3 years with another couple.

LT4everu2

09-13-2010, 01:38 AM

Ok I am sure you are all dying to know so....
D is a wonderful person, we can talk about everything and nothing all at the same time. Make sense. He is so kind and gentle. He opens my door and helps me out of the car. Simply he is a true gentleman.He knows how to touch me and make me squrm in my set and it is just my foot he is touching. mmmm
He and i have talked about so much it is like we have known each other for years! I am so excited to see where this may go.
During this I have come closer to understand the NRE T had for his D.
I love you T more then life itself!!!!! Ty for allowing me to get to know D more.

TL4everu2

09-13-2010, 01:42 AM

No problem baby. I love you too. ;) Enjoy the feelings. They truely are AWESOME!

PollyPocket

09-13-2010, 01:52 AM

Wow TLs....you two don't waste any time! Congrats! Enjoy the high! :)

TL4everu2

09-13-2010, 02:02 AM

Life's too short to sit around and sulk over spilled milk Polly. We tried for 3 years to make our other relationship work. And when it worked, it was AWESOME....When it was not working, the depression was HORRID. We are hoping that this time will be a bit different.

LT4everu2

09-13-2010, 11:26 AM

I hope this week flys by so we can see D again and talk more about our relationship with him. We are on such a high all 3 of us!

TL4everu2

09-13-2010, 11:31 AM

Ok....New day...New issues. :rolleyes:

As some of you remember or know, L had an accident in her car last week. This left the car banged up and pretty ugly needing the hood to be strapped down with a strap.

Well, yesterday, before L and I met up with her D, she asked me "What if he asks me to ride with him in his car to where we're going?" I told her that if he asked, that would be fine. Well, he didn't ask.....because she beat him to it. Now, normally, this wouldn't be a problem....but as we started off, we started driving in the opposite direction of where we were SUPPOSED to be going......He knew the area better than me, so I thought at first that he may know a faster way. Turns out he is so stricken with L, tyhat he forgot where we were going and got distracted. :P Thats not a bad thing. Here's the bad thing; He drives a new Nissan Altima....and has my wife all prettied up in it, while I'm dragging along in awrecked 94 mustang with a strapped on hood. :( I was having feelings of inferiority. I felt like she asked him if she could ride in HIS car, because she was embarrassed to be seen in ours. :( Petty, I know. But as we were driving off into no-where it seemed, thats how I felt. Then the plans got changed and we went somewhere else and ate. When we were done, L asks me if she can ride with him to his place so he can get his swim suit. I shook my head and said "I don't think so. We'll just meet him at the gulf." She told him no, gave him a hug, and got in our car.

Now I never mentioned anything about my feelings of inferiority at this point. Why? Because I wanted them to both have a wonderful time. Well, we all met up at the gulf. And they had a great time. L got her first kiss with him, and we all had a GREAT time in the water together. I still said nothing because I wanted them to enjoy this time and grow closer.

Well, last ngiht when L and I got home, I explained my feelings of inferiority to her. She got very sad and upset. She was sad that I felt I couldn't tell her right away and that I would even FEEL that way. I told her I was sorry, but my vehidle is an experssion of my status, and while some guys get jealous over cock size, body physiques, personalities, etc....The car was my thing. (Just to be clear, L's D is VERY well endowed, and has a GREAT physique. His personality matches those things, and he and I get along great. I am not bothered by any of THOSE things at all)

Why a car? Why such a petty thing? I felt like a 3rd wheel dragging along behind in a POS car that could barely keep up. :( Why do I feel this way?

Last night L and I talked, and I thought we worked it out. This morning, I asked L if she had good dreams last night. She said no. :( I ruined her dreams. :( Now I feel like a heel.

LT4everu2

09-13-2010, 11:59 AM

Don't feel this way honey I will get over the sad feelings. I just don't want you to feel that you are in a second seat right now. I love you and have some kind of feelings for D, not sure what it is as of yet. He is great fun to be around. But his car and ours is not who we are.We are not in debt to a car: he is. So what, we have more then that and it shows when we are together. D just wants to see us all happy. He could walk or ride a bicycle and it would not change who he is, so pls don't change who you are over a car.

Magdlyn

09-13-2010, 02:34 PM

TL, I know you are a car freak. So it's funny how the envy of your wife's new sweetie has caused you envy and low self esteem. Instead of his body, penis or personality.

How do you know he's well endowed if she has only had a kiss w him so far?

LT4everu2

09-13-2010, 02:37 PM

Well there was some heavy petting in the water and we have shared pics.No sex and we are keeping it that way for now. We all want to get to know each other more.

TL4everu2

09-14-2010, 03:02 AM

Yep, what she said. Some heavy petting that went on in the water revealed the true....umm....pleasure center. LOL If and when things happen between them, it is sure to be a BIG deal. ;) :D LOL So to speak that is. LOL

Magdlyn, Yes, I am a car FREAK. For some odd reason, I have to have a vehicle that is in some way, "better" than everyone else's. In the past, it was that my car was faster than eveyrone else's car was. LOL Petty, but true.

TL4everu2

09-14-2010, 03:13 AM

Also to add:

Today was a good day actually. I went to work at my first job and through texting wityh my wife L, figured out that she was severely depressed and sad. So....I had her come over for lunch. We ate, and talked a LOT. This talking led to more talking, and my playing hookey from my second job. We made a LOT of progress, and rekindled what some may have thought was a dimming flame. I love her so much. :D

We made out in an empty parking lot even. It was so awesome to act so "bad" together. LOL

I am now planning a sexy scavenger hunt for L and her D.

As a new note, L has said that she feels like she may be developing feelings for her D. :) I'm so happy about that.

LT4everu2

09-14-2010, 11:31 AM

Also to add:

We made out in an empty parking lot even. It was so awesome to act so "bad" together. LOL

I am now planning a sexy scavenger hunt for L and her D.

As a new note, L has said that she feels like she may be developing feelings for her D. :) I'm so happy about that.

We are so naughty and I feel like a teenager again when we do those naughty things.
I can't wait to see what you do with this scavenger hunt :)

TL4everu2

09-15-2010, 01:34 AM

HEHE You may not be able to complete all of it....Who knows. ;) LOL

TL4everu2

09-19-2010, 04:22 AM

Wellllll...... The week went and drug on....and now, we are back from our friday evening out with L's D. He was ever so the gentleman. I gave him enough rope to hang a whole football team, and he didn't take any of it. :D I was so happy about that.

That was the good.....

Now for the bad. :(

I had a mental break down today and last night. I just keep going crazy over differnt crap. None of it makes sense. I seem to be most bothered by the fact that he makes more money than I do, and drives a nicer vehicle than me. When did I become so shallow? I get bent out of shape when L asks me questions abouthim and stuff. She may ask "what if he asks me to go to the movies?" to which I will say "Well, that's fine as long as I'm not at work"....but the reality, is that because of L jumping the gun and asking to ride in his car that one time, I feel like she is going to do it agian....Or worse yet, that she will ask me if she can go out with him....while he is standing right there. To do something like that, is not cool to me because it paints me in a corner and if I answer "no", I am a jerk....No matter the reason. :rolleyes: However, my wife has NOT done this, and I expressed some concerns I had tonight. We laughed, we cried, we progressed.

More good:

L asked her D what she should refer to him as, since we are all definatly closer than just friends now. He said that he doens't want to attach a label to it as of yet, but an appropriate one would be "boyfriend" or "lover". This is actually good. We are hoping that this all works out well for all parties involved.

More bad: He doesn't seem to communicate with me very well. When I try to talk to him, he seems very distant and quiet. Not sure why yet. My wife just says that he is always talking about me, when they are alone together. (They spent a lot of time alone together yesterday) I dunno...Just a lot of weird feelings going on in MY head.

LT4everu2

09-19-2010, 04:30 AM

Honey Open your heart and your mind and let things progress.He is very shy and does want to get to know you and do guy things with you. Just give him a chance!

TL4everu2

09-22-2010, 10:16 AM

Breathesgirl

09-22-2010, 01:05 PM

Wow....WTF is this crap? I am experiencing bouts of jealousy, of all things! From day to day, I am a wreck, then I am on a high and all is well...Then I am on a low....Then a high...Then a low again. UGGH! It is driving L NUTS! And she feels like it is all her fault even though it's not.

Example: Yesterday morning, I was fine. I felt like a million bucks. Then, a trip to Target with L and I am in the dumps again. I'm not sure, but it seems as though her texting her D put me over the precipice. :(

Examine what's happening to put you in a down mood. It sounds to me like you are not getting enough one on one time with L. Maybe the two of you need a date night where the phones go off (or at least unanswered except for family emergencies) on a very regular basis.

Her NRE drives me crazy sometimes, yet it's fun to watch at others. How do you guys get through this without ruining it all? L wants to simply call the whole relationship off. But that's not fair to HER, or her D. I really DO like seeing her so happy, but to constantly be put on the back burner is disconcerting at times. And I have no way to occupy my mind when it happens. So....How do you deal with it?

Are you really being constantly put on the back burner or does it just seem that way because you need some serious one on one time with no outside distractions?

It sounds like some deep introspection & couples communication is in order.

How do I deal with it?

If I like the person Breathes is in a relationship with I don't have any problems. We have our weekly day/night where it is just the two of us & no one else is invited without both of us agreeing to it.

If I don't like the person then the jealousies and insecurities set in & I have to remind myself A LOT that it is me he chooses to come home to every time they're together

I find things easier now, too, since I have my own other partner. I was feeling like the odd woman out & a fifth wheel if we got together. Now that I have Possibility in my life I find my jealousies and insecurities don't show up as often.

When I've had my worst problems we've put all other relationships on hold so we/I could deal with the issues without fear of someone getting hit by the shrapnel. This has happened twice in five years. The first time was his first other relationship after we got together. I simply didn't have the tools I needed in order to deal with my own emotions and insecurities. www.xeromag.com helped immensely with this!

The second time was after the death of my Mom so I could grieve & so Breathes could be there for me without my having to wonder when he would be there & so he wouldn't have to worry about my mental & emotional state dealing with grief AND any other emotions which might arise because of other relationships.

LT4everu2

09-22-2010, 01:35 PM

Examine what's happening to put you in a down mood. It sounds to me like you are not getting enough one on one time with L. Maybe the two of you need a date night where the phones go off (or at least unanswered except for family emergencies) on a very regular basis.

Are you really being constantly put on the back burner or does it just seem that way because you need some serious one on one time with no outside distractions?

It sounds like some deep introspection & couples communication is in order.

How do I deal with it?

If I like the person Breathes is in a relationship with I don't have any problems. We have our weekly day/night where it is just the two of us & no one else is invited without both of us agreeing to it.

If I don't like the person then the jealousies and insecurities set in & I have to remind myself A LOT that it is me he chooses to come home to every time they're together

We have spent more alone time since meeting D ! We go to the beach alone on our motorcycle with camping chairs strapped to the back! We sit alone for hours just talking and holding each other. We do this so much now our kids think we live at the beach! We find parking lots that are empty and sit and make out!
As for the liking D... T tells me all the time that he does. But that D is to quiet.And D is until you get him to open up, he is like that with me alot! And I LOVE to talk and to hear people talk to me. I don't know what to think.
All I know is I can't live with my husband unhappy!

PollyPocket

09-22-2010, 02:32 PM

Example: Yesterday morning, I was fine. I felt like a million bucks. Then, a trip to Target with L and I am in the dumps again. I'm not sure, but it seems as though her texting her D put me over the precipice. :(

Sounds like you are on a bit of a Poly Roller Coaster ride yourself!

I know exactly of what you are speaking! Feeling left out...and for some fucked up reason, the texting just amplifies that feeling a thousand times! I have tried to figure out the "communication" overload (phoning, texting, skyping)....but I can't....it simply just makes me mad! Aurgh. All this 'figuring out' shit is hard work!!

Hang in there! AND try deep breaths, about 5 in a row, when you feel the monster well up inside of you! It sort of works.

Good luck!
P2

Magdlyn

09-22-2010, 03:47 PM

PollyPocket

09-22-2010, 04:02 PM

TL, I'm not a doctor, but my one young adult daughter has a major anxiety didorder and Ive done lots of research. Your mood swings might be more related to a possible bipolar disorder, and self esteem issues, than actual jealousy? Just an idea.

It seems to me you're in Florida and don't have any insurance for meds or therapy?

Personally, I believe that 'this disorder' is TOTALLLLLY normal! It is a matter of you figuring out the triggers, then doing something about them, ie, trying to communicate with everyone to 'lessen' them....or to relax through them because they will pass.

The whole thing is tough....and requires LOTS of work and communication. Apparently, as others have said OVER AND OVER, it is worth it to work on yourself!! I am not sure if I totally agree or not....yet!! ;)

Magdlyn

09-22-2010, 04:31 PM

But he has said the moods strike him unawares. And it seems LT his wife, and he, are doing everything right as far as making lots of time for their own relationship. Which led me to ask about other factors that might be contributing to his issues.

SNeacail

09-22-2010, 04:35 PM

TL you have gone through a lot just in the last month or so. Personally, I think there is something in the atmosphere causing lots of drepression all around, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

I hate the texting when I'm not the one being texted. For some reason, it just rubs me the wrong way when dh gets a text/e-mail on his phone and sits there reads it, then replys to it when I'm trying to talk with him. I've started asking about it, and a couple of times it has been work (that's OK and necessary). If it's someone else, I'm starting to have the guts to say "can't you talk to them later, I want this to me our time". Maybe I need a no texting/e-mail rule before we go out, because I certainly don't need anymore triggers right now either.

TL4everu2

09-22-2010, 09:18 PM

Ok, today was experiment time. I have recently been taking a new multi vitamin. I have not been regular about taking them though. This morning, I remembered that I had taken one about an hour before going to Target. So this morning, I decided not to take one today and see how I feel. Well, here it is 5:15 pm and I still feel fine. So I'm going to do the same thing tomorrow and see what happens. I think....I may have found the issue. It's SO frustrating. I don't WANT to have feelings of jealosy. In fact, I think that what hurts the most, is that my wife is hurting. She has started building a relationship with her D, and now she is thinking twice about it because of me. :( She was so happy just three days ago. And on Monday night, she called him. When she did, it was like a high school girl talking to a crush for the first or second time. It was so nice to watch. And now, she won't even answer texts from him. :(

She is hurting too, and I think it's all my fault. uggh! How do I FIX this?????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????

LT4everu2

09-23-2010, 08:55 PM

So far so good :) we are not using this brand of multi vitamins again. The mood swings were the same as when he was on Saint Johns Warts. So back to the old vitamins he was taking a lot mote money, but so worth it. I just want my hubby to be back to himself!!!! I missed him for the past week :(

LT4everu2

09-25-2010, 03:34 PM

Yesterday was a great day... I started my day by waking up to the most sexy man in the world, my husband!!! We took his motorcycle to the town he works in(30 minute ride) I sat at Starbucks from 7 am -noon while he worked. Don't worry it is my favorite place to just sit. I had alot of alone time and got to do my cross stitch and read. I also got to speak to alot of different ppl, one of which had a polyamory type tattoo she was talking about removing, due to hubby leaving her for there secondary. I talke to her for a long time and hope she left with a more open heart to the fact not all ppl will do this to her.
T came and picked me up and we meet my D for lunch. T and D got a chance to talk. It was great to see them bond as friends.
After a lovely lunch we went to see a movie , The American. Do not go see this it is so slow and not a very good story line. Will in the theater I held both my guys hands and was in heaven.
When we left the theater we noticed it was about to rain! uugghh D asked if we would like to wast some time at his place until the rain pased. We agreed and followed him home. Wow he is inviting us to his house, maybe he does feel the way T is telling me. We spent some time watching Hot Tub Time Machine, funny movie, well as much as we all got to see :) A little more touching and kissing that lead to a lot more.
We all got a chance to talk about normal life and T is alot more comfortable with D !!! I had a chance to talk to D about our realationship and what we wanted out of it. He said he is ready to call me his girlfriend.
So all in all we had a great day!

TL4everu2

09-25-2010, 05:46 PM

Glad you had a great time honey! So did I. ;) D is a good guy.

TL4everu2

09-27-2010, 12:20 AM

Ok, so....How did you guys get over something that was holding everything back? For some odd reason, I get all kinds of kinked up when I think about L going on a date with D, while I'm at work. :/ I am so bothered by it, that I have made it a rule for them not to do it. They haven't, and have never pushed it or pressured me to allow it. But I get bothered by the meer thought of it. :(

I can tell it troubles L, and it saddens her, because if they COULD go out during that time, it would give them a bit more time together....But it just bothers me so much. :(I mean, something about them galavanting around the town or at the movies, while I'm slaving over some car at work, just makes me upset. I'm not worried about them having sex.....what the hell!!! :mad:

L asked me the other day why I don't trust her more. I DO trust her. but this bothers me so much for some odd reason. :(

Another thing....she has said she would enjoy spending time with her D alone, but I can't seem to wrap my head around THAT either. UGGH! How do I get over this so they can fully enjoy each other more? I want L to be happy...and D seems to make her happy. So why can't I get over this?

Things to think about and work on I guess. All a work in progress.

L, I know you will read this, and please don't think I am mad/upset/sad/jealous/or anything else "bad". I am trying to seek help with these weird feelings so that you cna enjoy D even more and maybe get some of that "spark" back that we spoke about earlier. ;)

PollyPocket

09-27-2010, 12:59 AM

Ok, so....How did you guys get over something that was holding everything back? For some odd reason, I get all kinds of kinked up when I think about L going on a date with D, while I'm at work. :/ I am so bothered by it, that I have made it a rule for them not to do it. They haven't, and have never pushed it or pressured me to allow it. But I get bothered by the meer thought of it. :(

TL...you know that you and I have this in common, FOR SURE!! AND here I thought you were all good with it all....see, everyone is NORMAL! ;)

I just read the 'Agreements' chapter in the Ethical Slut....and yes, I made the mistake of composing an email during BAD PMS, stating how I would like to see this 'agreement' piece play out! It was NOT received well...and to tell you the truth, I am not really sure why, but I digress.....

For me....things are JUST way easier when I know the plan. NO, I am not a big planner....but, it FEELS nice to be included in the decision making process I suppose. I think it may help for you as well.

Just a courtesy, 'heads up'. No big deal. "Hey hon, do you mind if I hang out with D on Thursday for a couple of hours?"

For me....that brings comfort....and of course I would say, "Sure baby...whatever makes you happy."

Just saying....
P2

LT4everu2

09-27-2010, 01:19 AM

For me....things are JUST way easier when I know the plan. NO, I am not a big planner....but, it FEELS nice to be included in the decision making process I suppose. I think it may help for you as well.

Just a courtesy, 'heads up'. No big deal. "Hey hon, do you mind if I hang out with D on Thursday for a couple of hours?"

For me....that brings comfort....and of course I would say, "Sure baby...whatever makes you happy."

Just saying....
P2
Well T and Polly I have never said I would not include T in planning our date(when and IF it ever happens) I want T to know where we will be and what we plan to do!
I do not want to go on a date alone with D anymore I see it is hurting T. SO there you have it!
I love you T and will not ask or speak of a date alone with D!!!

TL4everu2

09-27-2010, 01:25 AM

Sigh..... :( Now I've made her sad again. :( See? Every time I open my big yap.

Livingmybestlife

09-27-2010, 01:35 AM

L

Seems like it is pretty drastic, would you not give T the chance to work through his issues without making such an offer. I know he is your worried about hurting him.

Seems like he is trying to grow, why not wait and see what he comes up with.

L

LT4everu2

09-27-2010, 01:46 AM

well I can do this if he truly is trying.

TL4everu2

09-27-2010, 01:46 AM

And I am! ;)

PollyPocket

09-27-2010, 02:09 AM

And I am! ;)

It's a total mofo! I know HOW extremely difficult this is!! It looks like you - T and L have a wonderful relationship! Just remember, that you are in this together. It is YOUR relationship that matters the most. If you both cherish each other as you do....the Trust between the two of you will be the most important element in this Poly World. :) You two are doing great....just keep the lines open and real. Smile.
P2

TL4everu2

09-27-2010, 02:18 AM

Tonight, L and I have been talking via Facebook chat system
We actually play acted a bit. She acted like she and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, and each were married to someone else.

Weird huh?

Anyway, we made some progress this way. And it helped to eliminate some of the yelling and screaming issues we have when we speak verbally.

I am getting closer and closer to being "ok" with a lot more. It will still take some time, but I'm closer than ever before.

The honest truth is this though: The thought of them going to a hotel room together, while I am sitting down poolside.......totally turns me on. The thought of them going on a date while I am at work....scares the hell out of me.

But I'll work through it. I want her happy. and her D makes her happy. I know that I make her happy as well. She has smiled more in the last 3 weeks, than she has in about 3 months prior. That, alone, is worth the whoel thing. ;)

Livingmybestlife

09-27-2010, 02:29 AM

Sometimes when Hubs and I are fighting, we text each other. That way we have to stop and think what we are saying. We do it from other rooms, and it makes things more concise.

Being the hinge, I know each of my men have fears. I know hubs more then BF.

I think being able to be honest with your fears is critical. My hubs was with holding feelings and let them out today. Hopefully, we are back on an upswing.

TL4everu2

09-28-2010, 07:56 PM

Ok, been off the vitamins for a little over a week now. Feeling good most of the time. I really think that these damn vitamins were causing me to go off the deep end. :rolleyes:

Now, for a question to everyone else.....Did anyone else here ever have any aprehension about your wife/husband going out on a date alone with their OSO while you were at work, but not other times? I have that aprehension. Uggh. It really sucks, because L and her D only have so many days a week where their schedules are cohesive and they can see each other. I am obviously in the way often times too.

It just bugs me that she would go on a date alone while I am at work.

I am considering letting them go on a date alone sometime in the near future. How soon is up for grabs.

PollyPocket

09-28-2010, 09:42 PM

It just bugs me that she would go on a date alone while I am at work.

I am considering letting them go on a date alone sometime in the near future. How soon is up for grabs.

TL....as you know....YES, I grappled with this too. I still have apprehension. I think that it is because of 'boundary issues'. In this whole cluster of a mess we created, I never really had ANY boundaries other than this one. Can't we cut ourselves some slack and say, "if I am most comfortable in this zone, can't you two respect that." End of story. Ah, life in the ez world!!! ;)

P2

TL4everu2

09-29-2010, 02:23 AM

Well....Tonight was DIFFERENT!

L and I went over to her D's apartment. One thing lead to another, and we all ended up playing around....L and I had discussed before we got there, the possibility of me "going for Subway to get food" while she stayed there with him alone. L said "whatever. if you're comfortable with it, then go for it I guess.". So, after about an hour of playing around (and having a BLAST while doing it) L looked at me and asked "Hey honey, I'm kinda hungry. Do you think you could go get some Subway?". I got up, and said "Sure! I'll be back in a while.". I got up, and got dressed. I took orders from L and her D. Then I told them that I would be about 1/2 hr or 45 minutes. L looked at me and said "BS! It only takes 2 minutes to get there from here!". I looked back, and said "No, I just KNOW it'll take at least a half hour...and possibly 45 minutes.". Then I winked at her, looked at her D and said "And while I'm gone, feel free to do whatever you guys are comfortable with." Then I left and went to Subway. I sat in the parking lot talking to a poly friend for about 20 minutes to occupy my mind and my time. Then I went inside and placed the order, got my food and headed back. Well, apparently, my timing was superb. I went back to D's apartment, and I tried to listen at the door to see if they were done, but when I touched the door with my ear, it moved! :eek: So I was obligated to go ahead and open the door and go in. As I did, they had JUST FINISHED! LOL I didn't interupt, and had arrived with impecable timing.

Now, while some of you have noticed that I have an issue with L going on a date with D while I'm at work, I had NO ISSUES with her and him being alone while I was at Subway. I knew what was going on, and I was fine with it. In fact, it kinda turned me on. ;)

Anyway, I was a bit high from the whole experience still while we all ate....food. LOL

Well, L and D sat and looked at some pics that our daughter drew and posted online, on his computer. I was bored, but fine. Then, I saw the time. It was nearing on the time that we had to leave....and D was looking mighty tired. (justifyably so I might add. He had gone 5 or 6 times within a 2 hour period) So I said, "Honey, we need to be going." She said "ok", but refused to even get up off the ground. This went on for a good 5 minutes. Finally, I stood up, frustrated, and said, well, I'm going out to the car. I'll be waiting in the car. She still didn't get the picture that I was upset. I went to get the car.....she and D finally came out and said their goodbyes. L got in the car and asked if she had done anything to make me mad tonight. I exploded on her. :( I told her "Of course you did! WTF!!!???? What did you THINK I was going to be when you almost REFUSED to leave? You realize that it seemed like you didn't want to go anywhere with ME, but you were fine with staying there with HIM?" She broke down in tears. :( She appologized over and over again. Then I realized how much I had hurt HER. I felt about 2 inches tall. I really need to work on my anger. :(

L, if you're reading this...I'm sorry for making you feel so bad.

Back on track again. For some odd reason, it seemed like I was being ignored because she was SAYING "ok, let's go"....but she was not DOING that....instead, she was dragging her feet and trying to stay even LONGER. If she had asked, I might have been willing to simply go and pick up the kids (which is why we had to leave) and come back to pick her up a couple hours later. But she didn't ask. :( We talked it over on the way to pick up the kids, and she appologized over and over. She honestly didn't realize she was doing that. I accepted her appology, and appologized myself for blowing up on her. I also promised to try not to blow up on her anymore when I was insecure or feeling like #2 instead of her #1.

Bottom line, we worked it out, and I am OK with her and him being alone for periods of time together....but still not while I am at work.

And I am still on a high. (but I think I ruined hers. :( )

Breathesgirl

09-29-2010, 02:11 PM

Now, for a question to everyone else.....Did anyone else here ever have any aprehension about your wife/husband going out on a date alone with their OSO while you were at work, but not other times? I have that aprehension. Uggh. It really sucks, because L and her D only have so many days a week where their schedules are cohesive and they can see each other. I am obviously in the way often times too.

It just bugs me that she would go on a date alone while I am at work.

I am considering letting them go on a date alone sometime in the near future. How soon is up for grabs.

Actually I PREFER if he dates while I'm at work! I'm physically and mentally occupied so my mind doesn't dwell on who he's with and what he could be doing.

TL4everu2

09-29-2010, 08:18 PM

I find that I think about THEM, and not work....putting my job in jeapardy.

Breathesgirl

09-30-2010, 04:30 AM

Now that just sucks!

We prefer to have our date nights with others while our Primary is at work or busy elsewhere because that way it isn't taking time away from each other because were are normally busy with other things during that time any way :).

You'll figure it out when the time is right for you to do so.

Magdlyn

09-30-2010, 03:50 PM

TL, it seems to me that you're fine with them being together alone while you're nearby and somewhat involved in the date. Going to get food for the 3 of you, or "sitting poolside" while they're getting it on in a hotel room.

But while you're at work, you're not comfortable. So, it seems to me, you're not jealous she's with D, you're just envious of her having a good time while you're at work.

Are you envious of ANY fun she has when you're at work, or just sexy couple time?

OTOH, you did seem jealous she didnt jump up to leave the instant you said you were ready to go at the end of the night. Glad you both apologized for that incident.

BTW, he came 5 or 6 times that night? Damn! :) He's a hottie.

TL4everu2

10-02-2010, 10:50 PM

Ok, it seems like we may have found a solution....kinda. L and I are (hopefully) getting a job where we work together. Which will mean that we have days off together, and the same hours. This may work out well.

Magdlyn, to answer your questions:
Not really envious of "any" fun she has while I am at work, but kinda. Hopefully, this new development will help with this issue.

The issue with her not leaving, is done now...HOWEVER, I was upset because she was ignoring me. Her husband. Her primary. The one who will be there for her no matter what. So yeah, I was a bit upset.

And yes, he came 5 or 6 times that night. This is common for him I guess. For me, it is common the first few times I'm with a woman. But after about the 5th or 6th "date" with them, I am back to once with an hour break, then I can go again. And if you saw how well he was...ahem..endowed.....You would certainly be jealous or envious of her. LOL ;)

TL4everu2

10-06-2010, 02:47 AM

Gahh!!! Well, no dice on the new job. It just wasn't the job for us. The owner wanted us to start working for him, but it wasn't the right job for us.

Anyway, today L decided to call her D and talk to him on the phone. She has been feeling ignored and pushed away by him recently. He works odd hours, and my hours and his don't go together well...Leaving L only 2 days in which she can see him on...and one of them won't work because I'm at work the whole day...about 16 hours that day in fact. Which, since I have issues with L and D going out alone while I am at work, means she is down to just ONE day per week she can spend with him. :(

Well, today I decided to test the waters a bit and let them see eachother while I am at work on Friday. Fridays are low stress at work, and are typically a short day for me. Soooo....I sent D a text tonight telling him that if he wanted to meet up with L on Friday for a couple hours, I was ok with it. Friday afternoon, I'll see how I feel.....If it's too soon, then I'll know right away and it won't happen again for a little while longer.

On a plus side, today was the first time that L said that D has actually reffered to her as a "girlfriend". :D She was on cloud 9! It was so cute to watch her playing with her hair while talking to him on the phone. (studies show that when a woman is interested in a person, they play with their hair more) Anyway, when she found out that I was going to "allow" them to meet up alone on Friday, she was excited, but apprehensive. Like she thinks it's a trap. No trap.... I explain it to her like this...When I get into a hot tub, I get in with my toes first....Then...I put my whole foot in....Then, I go a bit deeper....and I ease my way into the hot tub a little at a time. This is the same thing. I am scared, but going forward a little at a time. Always able to pull the plug if I see something I don't like. Controling? Yes....Protecting? YES.....Scared of what? That she will leave me. That she will fall completely head over heals in love with this man and decide to leave me. Not right away....but after a longer period of time. Neither of them has ever expressed a desire to try to be "alone" or that they "wish I was out of the picture" at all.......So I have no idea why I would feel this way. But I'm trying to work through it. I think the way to work through it, is to actually DO it and practice what it is a person is trying to work through. a little at a time. As I become comfortable with this, these walls will fall.....

but some walls will stay up for the rest of my life. :(

Thanks S & Dani....:rolleyes:

TL4everu2

10-09-2010, 01:53 AM

Damn it!!!! As usual, I've screwed it all up again. :rolleyes:

Ok, so L and I went out with her D today. Everything was great. Then, while out on the date, he gets a phone call from a girl. L noticed the pic on his phone, and mentioned to me that it was the same girl who he just friended on his facebook account. No problem...Right? Ok....so she asked him about it. He says....."It's a friend of mine's sister. She has a crush on me, but it's nothing." She accepts this explaination and goes on throughout the day.

Later in the evening, I mention to L that I thought it was weird that she would simply accept such an explaination so easily. She asks why. I told her that I would have asked him to meet the friend and possibly even the sister. I noted that his reaction would have helped to detirmine what the real relationship was with this other girl.

Then, L goes off on me! About how I don't like her D and how I "never liked him", and blah blah blah. This is totally untrue. What has happened a LOT in the last few days, is that she and I will fight over her D or my latest interest, Sh. (I have no "relationship" with Sh, but I am developing a FRIENDSHIP with her) Anyway, after a long drawn out fight, L will go into a self pity tirade and say that she will break up with her D because it's obvious that the relationship with him is hurting me. WTF? I've never said it's hurting me to any real extent. Yes, there have been things she has done that have hurt me. Nothing that is unfixable though. And usually, after telling L what it was that I got upset over, I'm fine because I know she won't do whatever it was that made me mad, again.

Anyway, at this point, she goes into her tirade, and I always end up saying something along the lines of "No, I don't WANT you to break up with him. I WANT you to keep the relationship going because it makes you happy". And then things die down, and we get onto an even keel again.

Well, I have decided that I'm not going to fight her on it anymore. I'm not going to tell her how much I want her to keep seeing him. That if she makes such a knee jerk reaction, and ruins a good thing for her, then that's on her. Not on me.

Well, we are at that point again right now. She is ready to call him up tomorrow and completely break off everything wiht him.....Why this time? Because I think he may be using her. He contiunuously makes excuses not to meet up with her.

Guys, answer this: If your new girlfriend said "I'm so horny....Wanna have sex tonight?" What would your reaction be? Would you be all over it? Or would you say "I'm going to be busy with my friends tonight"? Or another "I'm too tired"?

I find these reactions odd at best. But then again, her D has shown nothing but respect for L. He has never pressed her to do something she wasn't willing to do. He has never tried to pressure her for ANYTHING. He and I get along fine. (even though we don't really talk much....he's pretty quiet) I actually LIKE the guy....but I am suspicious and don't want my WIFE to get hurt by someone who is simply out to use her. And now, she is pissed at me, and ready to simply end it all.

Am I wrong to feel this way?

MTmozat

10-09-2010, 02:16 AM

TL4everu2

10-09-2010, 02:23 AM

No, you're not wrong to feel this way. When us males are with our woman, we have the natural instinct to protect them from harm. Its in our DNA. Its what we're made to do. That is why some women complain why their guy is all over them. Its because we want to make sure they're safe. What you're feeling right now is also your love and willingness to protect you're marriage, so this is also completely normal. From what you just described, I would be suspicious also. Your wife's boyfriend sounds like the exact opposite of someone who speaks a lot. Its just my opinion. Just continue to keep your eyes open and good luck to you.Ok, next question then, when we are into our women, do we play coy and not try to contact them? Or are we constantly trying to get them to talk to us?

I ask because, while I'm a man, I never really dated much before getting married. And I'm not sure. I mean, I know that I have a tendency to overly pursue women when I'm into them. But is that common? H?e NEVER texts her first or calls her...and she ALWAYS texts first and calls him. (Not that she's doing it too much...just that he only RESPONDS....sometimes)

p.s. Oh, and I said he doesn't talk much. Confused why you would say "Your wife's boyfriend sounds like the exact opposite of someone who speaks a lot."

MTmozat

10-09-2010, 02:35 AM

Ok, next question then, when we are into our women, do we play coy and not try to contact them? Or are we constantly trying to get them to talk to us?

I ask because, while I'm a man, I never really dated much before getting married. And I'm not sure. I mean, I know that I have a tendency to overly pursue women when I'm into them. But is that common? H?e NEVER texts her first or calls her...and she ALWAYS texts first and calls him. (Not that she's doing it too much...just that he only RESPONDS....sometimes)

p.s. Oh, and I said he doesn't talk much. Confused why you would say "Your wife's boyfriend sounds like the exact opposite of someone who speaks a lot."

That depends. Some men like to play the Cat&Mouse game. Before I met my wife I used to play the cat and the mouse. Some men just like to play the cat whether they're looking for a relationship or a one-night stand. But from my personal experience, if a man never initiates contact, something isn't right and that usually tells me there's someone else.

P.S. I posted too fast without reading your whole post. Sorry.

LT4everu2

10-09-2010, 03:28 AM

Ok Guys I get it I am going to talk to him tomorrow. I am NOT going to be played and look the fool. No matter how he makes me feel or how I feel about him. This will suck ass but it has to be talked about with him. I just hope that I can hold myself up during this talk. I will NOT lose my marriage over D no matter what I feel for him. I have lost ppl in my past and learned alot from them so I have learned alot from D in the short time I have known him. I have learned that most people don't care who they hurt to get what they want, and he has gotten what he wanted.
I have to tell you that I see him looking at me in the way my husband does and he treats me with nothing but respect and we can talk about anything and nothing for a long time. We can sit and not say a word and be happy. So this is why it is going to be hard to talk to him tomorrow.
I really hate this part of relationships!!!!!!!!

Ariakas

10-09-2010, 03:43 AM

No, you're not wrong to feel this way. When us males are with our woman, we have the natural instinct to protect them from harm. Its in our DNA. Its what we're made to do..

How does that explain all the douchebags in the world then?While I would love to think this is true of men, it just isn't. Sorry.

My thoughts, and I will quote where required. Not all men communicate or know how to communicate in the same way. To assume anything malicious by either of you, may be incorrect without all the information. Understand his communication style and you might understand more about how.

quys, answer this: If your new girlfriend said "I'm so horny....Wanna have sex tonight?" What would your reaction be? Would you be all over it? Or would you say "I'm going to be busy with my friends tonight"? Or another "I'm too tired"?

Maybe he is just not into sex. Not every guy is a hornball. Has she tried "lets have coffee"...not sure but I would read to much into not wanting to have sex. Not every relationship is about sex either, maybe he doesn't even understand what he wants.

Am I wrong to feel this way?

Hmm this is a tough one. Can you feel that way, yes. Is it your job to confront him...well personally no, I don't think so. My personal opinion is it is your wifes confrontation. You can support her but it is her relationship. Its hard to do, but will be better for them if it is to work.

Thats my belief anywyas. My position is to assist Pengrah in her relationship but I can't do the work for her.

Now could he be a conniving using douche, sure, its possible. But not everyone communicates equally or loves the same. Keep that in mind when dealing with metamours :)

Can I just say your usernames confuse the hell out of me...

LT4everu2

10-09-2010, 01:01 PM

Can I just say your usernames confuse the hell out of me...
Well T's has a mustang on it and mine a pair of lips. Not to hard but if it confusing then help me change it and I will,

TL4everu2

10-09-2010, 01:36 PM

Ari,
She has tried the "let's have some coffee" thing. Same result. In fact, he says he doesn't like coffee, but prefers hot chocolate. So, she invites him to Starbucks so he can have hot chocolate while she drinks coffee....Same result. I can understand this though....because a coffee shop SMELLS so strongly like coffee. I think it actually turns his stomach to even SMELL coffee. Nothing wrong with that. But she has asked him to simply take her out....and nothing.

I suggested to her, that she lay back for a little while, and let HIM pursue HER. She got pissed at me. My thought process is this: If he takes an active roll in pursueing her, then he is interested. If not, then he could care less, and she is just a piece of ass to him. (which may or may not be "ok" with her. I have no idea)

I just get so worried that he is going to hurt her.....Not physically....but emotionally. And who has to help her pick up the pieces? Yep...Me.

She has asked him to simply go to the beach, or just hang out at the mall or she even suggested that HE make some plans to go somewhere. He said "ok", but has yet to step up to the plate and actually DO it.

Now, in his defense, he IS the outsider, and doesn't want to piss me off or cross any of my personal boundries. I can respect that. He asked L out last week once when she called him. He asked if she would mind if he came to visit with her while she was waiting for me to get off work, at Startbucks on Friday. (L goes to Startbucks to wait for me to get off work on Fridays. We go out to lunch after my work, and then ride our motorcycle around and enjoy each others company) She told him that I had an issue with them going out on dates while I was at work. He immediatly said that he was fine with that, and appologized. He also apologized for being so distant the last few weeks. (It has been almost 2 weeks since L has even SEEN D) He said that he noticed that she had stopped texting him as much. To which she replied that the phone works both ways, and he could text her first. He didn't respond.

Sorry about our names looking so similar. :/ My first name begins with a "T", and therefore, when I am posting, you will see the "T" first....L's first name begins with an "L" and when she is posting, you will see an "L" first. We have decided that no matter what, we will be together forever. But we want at least one, and possibly more to join us. So it's T (or L) L 4ever U2. So T and L are together forever.....you too? ;) Hope this helps a bit.

TL4everu2

10-09-2010, 01:41 PM

Ok, I was just told off for not being specific anough....When L would ask him to go to the coffee shop, it was kinda last minute. Soooo....As she puts it, not everyone jumps at last minute things. (This is true)

Along with this telling off, She told me "thats ok anyway, because after today you won't have to worry about it anymore". :rolleyes: Like I said before, I'm not fighting it anymore. If she wants to make stupid knee jerk reactions...So be it. She has to deal with the consequenses of her own actions just like I will have to deal with posting this.

LT4everu2

10-09-2010, 02:23 PM

There I sent a text to talk to him after he gets off work (yes I sent him a message first) I don't get all this dating stuff, it all hurts and feels good in the same day. I just want to be happy and not fight with T any more. I was up most of the night crying mostly cause T is upset with me, but yes cause i have to talk with D today.I am so scared that it will not go well.I truly feel a conection with D and I see it in his eyes when we are together and T says it all the time( He's falling hard for you) Hell he shaved his head but asked me first if i would be ok with it.Hell yesterday we all went to David's Bridal and I tried on my wedding dress for him and T, he told T "Wow she looks so beatiful in that dress, but she would look that way in any dress"
So I guess we have mixed feelings here. But I need to put it out there so we are on the same page.
I will not let someone come between T and myself.

Breathesgirl

10-09-2010, 03:02 PM

She has tried the "let's have some coffee" thing. Same result. In fact, he says he doesn't like coffee, but prefers hot chocolate. So, she invites him to Starbucks so he can have hot chocolate while she drinks coffee....Same result. I can understand this though....because a coffee shop SMELLS so strongly like coffee. I think it actually turns his stomach to even SMELL coffee. Nothing wrong with that. But she has asked him to simply take her out....and nothing.

I suggested to her, that she lay back for a little while, and let HIM pursue HER. She got pissed at me. My thought process is this: If he takes an active roll in pursueing her, then he is interested. If not, then he could care less, and she is just a piece of ass to him. (which may or may not be "ok" with her. I have no idea)

I just get so worried that he is going to hurt her.....Not physically....but emotionally. And who has to help her pick up the pieces? Yep...Me.

She has asked him to simply go to the beach, or just hang out at the mall or she even suggested that HE make some plans to go somewhere. He said "ok", but has yet to step up to the plate and actually DO it.

Now, in his defense, he IS the outsider, and doesn't want to piss me off or cross any of my personal boundries. I can respect that. He asked L out last week once when she called him. He asked if she would mind if he came to visit with her while she was waiting for me to get off work, at Startbucks on Friday. (L goes to Startbucks to wait for me to get off work on Fridays. We go out to lunch after my work, and then ride our motorcycle around and enjoy each others company) She told him that I had an issue with them going out on dates while I was at work. He immediatly said that he was fine with that, and appologized. He also apologized for being so distant the last few weeks. (It has been almost 2 weeks since L has even SEEN D) He said that he noticed that she had stopped texting him as much. To which she replied that the phone works both ways, and he could text her first. He didn't respond.

Breathes & I are sort of in a similar situation. He has two other women he's interested in. One is a long time friend & FWB. He's invited her for coffee, over to hang out, offered to go to her house...to no avail. Part of it is she is a single mom of three young kids so is hard pressed to find kid free time but a good deal of it is that she only wants him in her life when it's convenient for HER. ie. Sunday nights he would text her to see if she was free for coffee Monday after he got off work. More often than not the answer would either be no or no response at all.

We have talked about it. Even though I want to tell him to just drop her and anything to do with her I won't. It would hurt him even more than she is & it might shake our very foundations...something I don't want. He has finally stopped even trying to make a date with her. His words were similar to L's--she can use the phone/computer just as well as he can, let her do the communicating for once.

Unless we have something planned he's ALWAYS available for her, she knows this and takes advantage of it when she thinks it will do her the most good. Example: In May we were all at a play party (Breathes & M & Possibility & I) together. She went so they could play, had a babysitter, the whole nine yards. She asked him what he would like to see her wear. He gave her two or three options. She showed up and wasn't wearing any of the options. Later on they were talking and it turns out that she's making time for other men in her life but he's left standing in the cold, so to speak. He made our excuses, we made sure my volunteer shift was covered and Breathes, Possibility and I left.

I don't want to make this into a mini-story so I'll say that even though she's making a decision while she's hurt it might just be the right decision to make. However, it might be for the wrong reasons or a partial correct reason.

SNeacail

10-09-2010, 03:14 PM

Just a note on quiet, introverted type guys (I live with one). If he has asked a couple times for a date and been turned down, justified or not, he maybe feeling rejected and therefore has stopped asking out of fear. They may say everything is fine, when it's not. You may have to play 20 questions in order to get any details out of him.

MTmozat

10-09-2010, 08:00 PM

How does that explain all the douchebags in the world then?While I would love to think this is true of men, it just isn't. Sorry.

I agree, but I don't think I said that solves the problems with all of the douchebags in the world. It is true of men, whether they cheated or not. Sorry.

My thoughts, and I will quote where required. Not all men communicate or know how to communicate in the same way. To assume anything malicious by either of you, may be incorrect without all the information. Understand his communication style and you might understand more about how.

Well of course he doesn't have all of the information, but TL shouldn't be allowed to sit back and act like everything's okay. All I said was the he should just keep an open eye. No harm in that. He already described his communication style, which is really not a communication style.

Maybe he is just not into sex. Not every guy is a hornball. Has she tried "lets have coffee"...not sure but I would read to much into not wanting to have sex. Not every relationship is about sex either, maybe he doesn't even understand what he wants.

True, maybe the guy is confused, but if he is, then maybe he should reconsider staying in the relationship. Poly is more complex than mono. because its more than two people in the relationship. If you don't go into this with a clear head, knowing the possible outcomes, you're fucked.

Hmm this is a tough one. Can you feel that way, yes. Is it your job to confront him...well personally no, I don't think so. My personal opinion is it is your wifes confrontation. You can support her but it is her relationship. Its hard to do, but will be better for them if it is to work.

I disagree. I don't specifically know all of their boundaries, but if a guy is allowing someone to be with his wife, then he has a right to confront that person because that third party is involving themselves into an already established relationship, agreeing to their rules, no matter if its just the woman's boyfriend. Its not just her relationship, and he should have a right to express his concerns. I agree with SN. LT and TL need to play 20 questions to find out what's the deal here.

TL4everu2

10-10-2010, 04:26 AM

Ok, L and D met today to discuss this specific issue. I will allow her to post the results tomorrow as I have a tendency to mess things up. ;)

LT4everu2

10-10-2010, 01:23 PM

Ok I went and talked with D and we agreed to slow it all down. We are not ending it just letting things progress. I asked if he wanted alone time with me and he said not right now as he is still trying to build the bond between T & I. SO we have agreed to just slow down and see what may happen. I told him that was fine but as he also has another female he is pursuing then I am going to continue my search for a poly relationship. Not that I am trying to put what we have on the back burner just need to keep my options open.

True, maybe the guy is confused, but if he is, then maybe he should reconsider staying in the relationship. Poly is more complex than mono. because its more than two people in the relationship. If you don't go into this with a clear head, knowing the possible outcomes, you're fucked.

Yes I agree with this. He is confused but I told him we will take it slow and work on this.

I disagree. I don't specifically know all of their boundaries, but if a guy is allowing someone to be with his wife, then he has a right to confront that person because that third party is involving themselves into an already established relationship, agreeing to their rules, no matter if its just the woman's boyfriend. Its not just her relationship, and he should have a right to express his concerns. I agree with SN. LT and TL need to play 20 questions to find out what's the deal here.

This I also agree with but I want to try to talk it out with D first and then if things don't change, then I would ask T to talk with him. But I feel that I can handle this at this time,I have never ask T to not be involved. Just to stand back for this one and see where it may go.

TL4everu2

10-10-2010, 01:51 PM

Yeah...LOL I would have TOTALLY screwed that up. LOL

TL4everu2

11-17-2010, 02:49 AM

Well, things are fizzling out with L's D. :(

On a more positive note, L and I have found a unicorn. :D I will refer to her as "V". V is very much like me....just in female form. She and I share a lot of similarities. She is part Native American....So am I (and from the same tribe too)...She and I are both from almost the same part of Ohio. We both enjoy action movies, rock music, and numerous other things.

V and L get along GREAT!

Last Sunday, V, L, and I went out to have a picnic. It was nice. No kissing went on. Nothing sexuyal happened. Just three people trying to find common ground....Whcih was actually VERY easy. :D

This Sunday, we are all three going out to watch a movie. Maybe a kiss will happen? If not...No biggie. If so...COOL!

MonoVCPHG

11-17-2010, 03:23 AM

TL4everu2

11-20-2010, 02:46 AM

WOO HOO!!!!!!!!

So tonight, I was at the mall with L (my wife). She said I should ask V if she wanted to go to my next fight on Dec 10th. So I did. Her response: "SURE!" I gave her the details of it, and told her I would understand if she had to work. It IS on a Friday, afterall. She said she would trade a shift with a co-worker so she could make it! WOW! Asside from my wife, I've never had a person who would reschedule their WORK schedule to watch me do ANYTHING. Let alone an MMA fight.

Then, I told V that L and I were going to Winghouse to watch UFC tomorrow night, and asked her if she would like to join us. She said SURE! I'm feeling pretty good right about now.

This is a different feeling than a sexual high.....it's more mellow, but feels good.

TL4everu2

11-23-2010, 03:48 AM

UPDATE TIME!!!!

We went out on Saturday night and watched the UFC fights with V. We all had a great time. I only actually saw TWO of the fights because I was spending so much time talking with L and V. LOL No kisses given, but I DID grab V's ass a bit when saying good evening. :D I know I know...I'm a pig. :( LOL

Then, Sunday, we all went to the mall and watched a movie together. I held hands with both L and V. It was so nice. Still no kisses. Why? Because I don't feel the moment. When it strikes, I hope I realize it. LOL We are setting up another date for this coming Sunday. :D HAPPY ME...........

TL4everu2

11-25-2010, 12:13 AM

WHEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday, I was having a crappy morning.....L and I fought...bad! All because I asked if V could come visit me on my first lunch. (Which was poor judgement on my part) I left for work on the motorcycle....MAD! Not a good combination...Me on a motorcycle mad. I WAS going to leave w/o my helmet, but L mad me put it on anyway. So I get to work, and the day drags on and on....L and I argue more via text. Then, she appologizes.......

Wait...What?

Thats right...She appologizes. She said she was experiencing some jealousy about me and V. THEN....She offers to have V over to visit me for lunch, with her. I tell her no...She insists...I re-itterate my NO....and she does it anyway. :mad: Well, the day wanes on, and suddenly, it's time for me to get the heck out of there....I got off EARLY! It just so happened that I got off at the same time I usually have my second lunch. So, L and V show up....and we all go and have another picnic type lunch. We talked.....a LOT! Finally, V asks me what L and I are looking for in a relationship....

I explain that we want to find someone who is ok with BOTH of us. and with BEING with both of us. Someone who is OPEN to the idea of us all living together in the future....But that that was not a requirement. She said "ok". I explained that L and I ALWAYS play together when we meet new people, and if that was not something that was ok with her, I understood, but that we would likely never evolve into a sexual relationship. She again said "ok".

Then, I explained to her that I wasn't just looking to get laid. I told her that I wasn't sure if she had noticed that I was highly attracted to her or not, but that I had tried to keep my attraction to a minimum because this time around, I was trying to take things SLOW, so L and I could develop the RELATIONSHIP first, instead of the SEXUAL relationship first. I asked her if she had noticed this or not. She said she had wondered, but respected me for it.

Then I asked her the same question. Her answer? She wanted the same things we did! :D

I wanted to stop time and do the happy dance with L!

V said she likes her privacy though, and for now, LIKES going home, and then laying in bed and saying "Gosh...I really miss them." when she thinks about us. (This little phrase made L and I feel all goose pimply and warm inside)

So, for now...we are all just working on the relationship, going on dates together, and building the friendship that is so necissary for a long term relationship. :D

TL4everu2

11-27-2010, 01:30 AM

Well, more and more interaction between the three of us today via the internet. V only lives about 25 miles from us, but it IS fuel prohibitive on a tight budget. (Which all of us are on)

Did some texts today which went a little sexual. Althoguh I tried to restrain myself and keep it clean. ;) I AM a guy though, soooooo.......yeah. Then I told V why I was holding back again, and apologized. She said it was no problem.

We've got another date planned for Sunday. :D L and I can't wait! Going out to watch Burlesque. (A nice sexy movie! LOL That'll help things out a lot :rolleyes: )

V is so much like the both of us it's not even funny. She's like both of us mixed into one! Almost freaky in nature.

I love NRE...but I hate it at the same time. I like the way I feel on it's high....but the crash is almost insurmountable and impossible to deal with. Especially with a bi-polar disorder. Sigh...I keep trying to remind myself that this high, will come with an equal low, and to prepare for it. Where are my happy pills again? LOL

TL4everu2

11-27-2010, 02:31 PM

YES!!!!!!!!! Today, I was offered a job at a different shop! This job offer is JUST what I needed! It will get me out of working with S. Do you know how difficult it is going to work every stinking day with your ex's husband? Knowing that HE is the reason you're not together anymore? I mean, that sucks! I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Every day, you are reminded of your ex. And heaven forbid the hubby recieves a phone call while at work from her. It just brings back all kinds of memories. I have locked them all up in a safe vault in the depths of my heart. A place that even demons dare not to go. So, I have become hardened and caloused I guess. but it doesn't hurt as much now....

Moving on with my life, is EXACTLY what I need.

And when I quit this job....I'm going to tell S that I simply can't continue working with him on a daily basis as it brings back too many memories.

TL4everu2

11-28-2010, 01:57 AM

UGGH! Depression hit today. This combined with a mental melt down and a huge argument with my wife L. It all makes me not want to go on our date tomorrow with V. :( I keep trying to remind myself that tomorrow will be a better day....it's not helping yet. I need to find some quiet time alone working on my 65 Mustang.

TL4everu2

12-01-2010, 03:27 AM

Wow...Today was a good evening....L, V, and I all went out to dinner tonight. We spent about 4 hours just talking. About everything. One of the subjects, was moving in together. We are all on the same page about that part too! :D YAY!

L and myself went to V's house yesterday by her invite. It was nice to sit around and just talk so comfortably. This Sunday, we are having her over to our house to watch a movie. None of us can wait for Sunday to come. :P

Magdlyn

12-01-2010, 12:45 PM

TL, I am so glad for your job offer. Good luck! I'm glad your torture at working w that guy will soon be over.

Good for you for going slowly w the new woman, too. You definitely learned something last time around. I can so relate to getting carried away w the sexual part... high libidos can be a burden sometimes...

TL4everu2

12-03-2010, 04:00 AM

Magdlyn,
The new job offer hasn't completely happened yet. :( Apparently, the hiring boss went to Guatemala for a week today. :( Oh well. I can wait. As long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

In similar news, I was told by S's boss, that he (S) is not doing well at his job, and may end up getting himself fired. How do I handle that info? Hmmm....Then I was told by the same boss, that I would be getting a performance increase...even though I missed the eligibility date, by a day. And S, will NOT be getting a performance increase. :P Oh well. I may be taking over his position! If that happens, that would be great for me. But I still love his kids....and this would hurt them. So how do I handle this info? I stay quiet about it. and let him dig his own grave with it I guess. COULD I give him a heads up? Possibly, but it would only serve to make him even more mad at me, and possibly get him pissed off enough to try to get ME fired....Which he could easily do. So I remain quiet.

In other news, I have finally gotten a few kisses from V. Not great big sucking face tongue kisses...Just light easy lip kisses. They are very nice. I am enjoying this relationship the way it is going. I may not ever want to progress it to the sexual level, because it is so nice at this level. IDK....I'm feeling some depression trying to sneak up on me right now.

SNeacail

12-03-2010, 04:56 AM

In similar news, I was told by S's boss, that he (S) is not doing well at his job, and may end up getting himself fired. How do I handle that info? Hmmm....Then I was told by the same boss, that I would be getting a performance increase...even though I missed the eligibility date, by a day. And S, will NOT be getting a performance increase. :P Oh well. I may be taking over his position! If that happens, that would be great for me. But I still love his kids....and this would hurt them. So how do I handle this info? I stay quiet about it. and let him dig his own grave with it I guess. COULD I give him a heads up? Possibly, but it would only serve to make him even more mad at me, and possibly get him pissed off enough to try to get ME fired....Which he could easily do. So I remain quiet.

Sorry, but it really was bad form for his boss to tell you that. I would remain quite, who knows if they are playing head games or not. The whole situation would make me nervous.

Hopefully the other job will work out for you.

TL4everu2

12-04-2010, 06:02 PM

Fuck...I'm seriously considering just calling everything off...anything to do with poly....I can't handle other peoples jealouseys. When they get jealous, it makes me not want to continue on, because of the pain it causes. Just about ready to give it all up and call it quits. I can't do anything "right" and no matter how hard I try, the only way not to say something "wrong", is to not talk. I UNDERSTAND their jealousies....but it's difficult

So...What do I do?

I'm at a point in this relationship (with V) where I don't want to open up anymore....I have a LOT of walls in place for self preservation purposes. It hurts too bad, to open up completely, only to get shit on later. I have deliberatly separated myself from my emotions so I don't get hurt again. And that sucks.

SNeacail

12-05-2010, 07:25 AM

I'm at a point in this relationship (with V) where I don't want to open up anymore....I have a LOT of walls in place for self preservation purposes. It hurts too bad, to open up completely, only to get shit on later. I have deliberatly separated myself from my emotions so I don't get hurt again. And that sucks.

Enjoy each stage as it comes and don't push yourself or let anyone else push you faster than you are ready to go. Is V or your wife pushing you to move faster, or are you beating yourself up because you aren't moving as fast as you think you should? What's wrong with spending time just enjoying V's company for a good long time, before going further?

Breathesgirl

12-05-2010, 01:18 PM

Take a time out, breathe, realize that you WILL make it through, under, over or around this. Give yourself permission to feel.

Start with the little things like being happy that you were able to trade kisses with V & nothing bad happened & work your way up from there. Do it slowly, do it lovingly. Let L & V in on what's actually going on with you so they can help if possible. Take your time. They will still be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after........

Many hugs

TL4everu2

12-06-2010, 03:51 AM

Enjoy each stage as it comes and don't push yourself or let anyone else push you faster than you are ready to go. Is V or your wife pushing you to move faster, or are you beating yourself up because you aren't moving as fast as you think you should? What's wrong with spending time just enjoying V's company for a good long time, before going further?Thats just it...No-one is pushing anyone. I feel like the relationship goes stagnant....Then, it takes a HUGE step...Then sits and simmers...then again with ANOTHER huge step, and then simmer...Uggh....I am used to constant forward movement. :(

Take a time out, breathe, realize that you WILL make it through, under, over or around this. Give yourself permission to feel. This is a big problem for me. I'm afraid to let that happen again. I did it before a couple times....once before my wife...then with my wife, it took me a LOOONG time to let her in.....but I did let her in. It has worked out well for me to do so, but AFTER my wife, I let one other woman in....and well...if you've followed my blogs at all, you know that went poorly. So I'm a bit gun shy. I'm also afraid of letting someone get too close, for fear of how my wife will react. She has admitted that she has jealousy issues.....Unfortunatly, I don't know how to help her work through them. :( So I get frustrated....and then shut down.....and want nothing to do with anyone. It's a vicious circle. It happens almost EVERY time we go out with V.

Start with the little things like being happy that you were able to trade kisses with V & nothing bad happened & work your way up from there. Do it slowly, do it lovingly. Let L & V in on what's actually going on with you so they can help if possible. Take your time. They will still be there tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after........

Many hugsI try to do this, but....I'm so bi-polar that it is difficult. As I have no clue what I feel from one minute to the next. One minute, I'm elated. Then next, I'm PISSED...about the same incident! Right now, I feel like such a fuck up and a retard.....Because I can't figure out WHAT I feel like from one minute to the next.

When L asks me what I "feel"....I try to avoid the question. I know it will end in an argument. Why? Because I will say something that will irritate her, then, in an attempt to try to clarify what I was saying, I contradict myself. Which makes her even more mad. (justifiably so I might add)So then....I shut down....Which makes her even MORE mad, and is totally unproductive. It happened no fewer than twice today.

I just don't know how I can keep doing it. I'm keeping V at an arms distance emotionally for now. I just don't want to get her involved in MY personal "mind issue".

Signing off for tonight....Thanks for the hugs Breathesgirl.

p.s. On a more positive note, we all had a 3-way kiss today! It was AWESOME! Kept me going through the rest of the day thinking about it. I was shutting down, and that picked me up...To see that she was into my wife also really helped.

Thanks for listening guys and girls. ;)

SNeacail

12-06-2010, 04:54 AM

I'm keeping V at an arms distance emotionally for now. I just don't want to get her involved in MY personal "mind issue".

As this is still a new relationship, I don't see a problem with this, don't be so hard on yourself.

On a more positive note, we all had a 3-way kiss today! It was AWESOME! Kept me going through the rest of the day thinking about it. I was shutting down, and that picked me up...To see that she was into my wife also really helped.

Ahhh, warm fuzzies :D

Jade

12-06-2010, 11:24 PM

Consider this. You are who you are. No one who knows you long-term will fail to see your foibles. If your "mind" is as distressing as you perceive it to be, consider seeing a counselor, just for you. If it is just your personality, and you know you don't plan on changing, don't bother hiding it. No one can wear a mask forever.

TL4everu2

12-07-2010, 03:19 AM

Sigh....Today...I feel GREAT! I am in a good mood...My wife and I are on the same page....V and I are on the same page....L and V are on the same page....Life is good.

I'm feeling more comfortable than I have in a LONG time....Like I may be able to lower some walls...and let V in closer....Still not quite sure though.

This Friday, we (V, L , and myself) are all going on a bit of a trip together. I'm an MMA fighter, and I have a fight Friday. L and V will be sitting cage side rooting for me. We are all riding to the fights together....Spending the whole evening together. So...if I get knocked out.....I still win! :D He...No worries for me!

God...I REALLY love my wife! She is so understanding of me and my feeble mind.....and she helps me through my mind issues so well....I hope V is up to it too. :/ I really worry about that....a LOT!

TL4everu2

12-08-2010, 11:53 AM

Wow...Today is a decent day. Woke up nice and early to go to work, but there isn't any work to do in the shop....sooooo.....Yeah. I get the day off w/o pay. :( I need that money! Grrrr!!!!!!!!!!

Magdlyn

12-08-2010, 12:50 PM

TL, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You need meds, man.

TL4everu2

12-08-2010, 01:00 PM

LOL Magdlyn, I can't afford to go see the doctor right now... So....when I get more $$$, I plan on going to a holistic doctor in our area. I WANT meds, but not narcotic ones. ;) I feel that narcotics are part of what causes cancer in our bodies.

Magdlyn

12-08-2010, 01:31 PM

SSRIs are not narcotics. I'm into alternative health too, dude, but it doesnt sound to me like a little St Johns Wort is gonna cure what ails you.

That's for mild depression, not wild debilitating mood swings like you suffer from. You can't see how you come across, but it pains me to read your posts day to day. I wish you'd take it more seriously.

But I dont expect you to listen to me... hell, my own ex-h couldnt see the forest for the trees either.

TL4everu2

12-08-2010, 01:37 PM

I tried St. Johns wart before. It was a no-go. It made me more depressed and worse off. I was thinking of a chinese product called "jia wei xiao yao wan". Also some Valerian root and chamomile.

Magdlyn

12-08-2010, 09:04 PM

Valerian is a narcotic.

TL4everu2

12-08-2010, 11:50 PM

Valerian is a narcotic.Not true to my knowledge. It is an herb. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerian_%28herb%29 ;)

TL4everu2

12-09-2010, 12:03 AM

Ok...Today was a GREAT DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D

L and I went to visit V at her work. V had a dinner date last night with an old friend who is also poly.

V has told us many times, that she is looking for a poly COUPLE....Not a single who is married or anything to do with a single person. She wants to date BOTH parts of a couple. Which is what L and I are doing with her....

Well, her old friend told her last night that he knew she was looking for a couple, and he was recently divorced, but his interest is still there in her. She told him that she was flattered, but that she was currently dating L and I, and it seems to be going very well. She also told him she would like to just keep their relationship as "friends" right now.

We haven't even all had any kind of sexual relations yet...No "feeling up" or "real" sex, or even "clinton sex" yet. LOL Just a few kisses here and there. LOTS of sexual tension...but nothing really "sexual" yet. We like it the way it's going right now. We are truely building a REALTIONSHIP with V. It's awesome! I think we have found our unicorn. :D

Magdlyn

12-09-2010, 12:24 PM

Not true to my knowledge. It is an herb. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerian_%28herb%29 ;)

Of course it's an herb. But herbs contain active chemicals, just like pharma drugs. Did you read the rest of your wiki article? It's a sedative, tranquilizer, nervous system depressant. Maybe fine for your up days, but what about your down days? How do you regulate dosage? It's your life, your choice, TL. Personally I wouldnt risk treating bipolar disorder with herbs. But, good luck. Thread hijack over.

TL4everu2

12-12-2010, 03:58 AM

Today I feel good. V, L and I went to an MMA event where I fought. The women cheered me on....but it was not enough....I lost the fight. :( But...I got pampered like nobody's business afterward by both my sweeties. :D

We still haven't progressed to a sexual relationship with V yet. We are trying to go slow....I am a typical man though, and am so sexually charged.....I'm always talking about it I guess. :( This was mentioned in a conversation that L and V had today. So...I have to try to not talk about it so much. :( Even though I talk about it all the time, I really DO enjoy where our relationship is currently. We hug a lot, kiss a lot, and just spend TONS of time together. It's great! V mentioned that she is comfortable where our relationship is currently, and likes to feel the love. She also said that, while she would LOVE to jump in the sack, she wants to wait so we don't ruin the relationship. I think we are all falling in love with each other. :D AND.....I think this one will (hopefully) be for life, just like my marriage to my wife.

Ariakas

12-12-2010, 04:57 PM

We still haven't progressed to a sexual relationship with V yet. We are trying to go slow....I am a typical man though, and am so sexually charged.....I'm always talking about it I guess. :( This was mentioned in a conversation that L and V had today. So...I have to try to not talk about it so much.

This sounds like me. I can, overtalk sex. I tend to blame my wife though, she has a mouth like a sailor and encourages it.

At times, especially when I am charged up, it takes a real mental effort to shut it off.

I don't know if its a man or woman thing, but it can really suck for focus hahaha

TL4everu2

12-13-2010, 03:36 AM

Ok, today...we went out again. Lots of love going around today. Little phrases that V said had L and I feeling all warm inside. Example: L and V were on the phone last night. V heard L and my kids in the background and says "Tell our kids I said hi.". :D Another example: Today, V posted on facebook that she needed to clean her house "but that can wait. Going out with my cute girlfriend today."

We are trying to become a family. It's really working so far. It really is! OMG....Cloud 8! I'm on it! (FYI, "cloud 9" is reserved for super special days) Our kids love V. L's mom is constantly asking about V and how she is doing.

We all went to the swap meet today. I hung back a couple times and just watched as L and V interacted with each other. More like sisters and lovers, than friends. :D I can't tell you how happy it makes me feel to see L and V walking side by side, and then V leans over and gives L a kiss on the cheek for no apparent reason. It was so AWESOME! If it was possibe for me to fly....at that moment, I would have been a hazard to planes in the immediate area. :P

TL4everu2

12-21-2010, 02:01 AM

ohhh....Why.....WHY???????

I f-ed things up again! :mad:

So last night, we decided to have V spend the night. It was the best night ever! until it was time to go to sleep. :( Thats when my hormones got the best of me. :( I'm an idiot and should not be left alone. If I am left alone, I will surely burn myself to the ground....simply out of stupidity.

Ok, we were all laying in bed...L and V were falling asleep.....out of sheer exhaustion. L was feeling under the weather anyway, and was pretty tired. I was tired also....but just so horny! I mean...OMG! The evening had been sooooo good! I was on cloud 9! Anyway, as we laid there, L fell asleep....V fell asleep...I started playing by myself. It shook the bed, and I reached over and started ummm...."exploring" V's body. We had some heavy petting and mutual masterbation ggoing on...Then, V decided to take things more orally.

Now, I had a feeling that L would not be ok with this going on while she was asleep....So...after a few minutes, I told V it would probably not be cool. So she says "Well then wake her up!" So I try, but no luck....So we go back to mutual masturbation, and making out....Which wasn't cool with L either. :( I should have known better....and I kept going. I allowed my hormones to get the best of me. :( :(:(

L let me know the next morning that she was upset and why. I feel like such a heel and an idiot.

L has assure me that what I've done is not unforgivable, and there is no need to call off anything....but that she was upset about it, and I should have known better. (And I really should have) She told me to just learn from it, and move forward.....But I am still feeling a bit guarded and not really wanting to allow my emotions to become a part of the equasion. I told L this, and she told me that wasn't what she wanted. She said it was something that she had to work through, but for now...it was an issue.

The issue at hand...V and I were playing...and leaving L out, by playing while she was asleep. I should have known better...and I told L....it'll never happen again. That is to say...I'm not even sure ANY kind of play will ever happen again with V. Just because I'm an idiot and overly horny and think with the wrong head. I think I just need to become a monk. :( or something else....Maybe the guy who smashes things with his head.

L DID talk to V about it today. V said she knew that L was upset, and figured it was about what V and I had done the night before. The two of them talked about it, and V and L are now on the same page....and V knows more of what the limitations are...even if I don't have the ability to stop myself, maybe SHE can. ;)

LT4everu2

12-21-2010, 12:19 PM

Ok this sounds like i am trying to control V & T's realationship.... This is not truw we have all talked and came to the understanding prior to this night that we would all play together. So yes I understand that I was in the bed, however they were so quiet as to not wake me up. I know understand it was out of respect for me and how I was feeling. However T knows that it takes more then cupping my breast to wake me. And that is all he did, so now he knows that I want to play with them and for now it is & has been for the 3 of us. In the future I will be ok with them alone when I am not feeling good or just not in the mood. But for now I am not comfortable with it do to our past.
We have talked and are all on the same page and understand that if they would have woken me I would have been fine, I just want to have the option to either join them or not. It will not always be like this I just want to bond with them and create a realationship the way we all want it. Which is the 3 of us being lovers and enjoying all of us together for now.
I love T and have great feelings for V and do not want to upset either but I need to be heard in this realationship.
I love you T and you can never f up so much that we can't fix it.

MonoVCPHG

12-21-2010, 06:27 PM

Sounds to me like you guys experienced a challenge, learned a bit more about each other and your boundaries, and are ready to move on. Frankly I think you all handled this with maturity and good communication :)

Nice!

TL4everu2

12-24-2010, 03:23 AM

I really hate depression...I SHOULD be extremely happy right now...but I'm not. I SHOULD be jumpiong in the streets...but I'm not......

L and V had a long heart to heart today. They got some issues worked out between them. I am still not quite sure if I want to continue on this path. L has some extreme jealousy issues....justifyably so...but it's just so difficult to deal with on a regular basis, that I'm seriously not sure I'm willing to keep the relationship going. V and I get along good.....L and V get along good...L and I are MARRIED....and get along VERY good. (Expecially considering we've been married for 20 years) So why aren't I happy? Why can't I make myself happy? Why am I in such terrible times? I am litterally depressed further than I can remember being. And it sucks. No idea why...I just am.

Found out today, that V thinks I touch and try to hold her hand too much....Weird...I thought she liked it. I guess she was just being polite though. *shrug*

MAYBE, my being so tired, is playing hard on my emotions right now...and I should just shut the hell up and go to sleep......It's probably the best thing to do right now. LOL ?Have a nice evening...and I probably won't get on again until after christmas.

p.s. V is scheduled to spend the night on Christmas, and again on New Years. Not sure about that yet...but maybe when I'm not so tired and depressed, it'll sound like a good thing again. I only know that I'm NOT going to sleep in the middle this time! Gonna be at the edge of the bed so I keep outta trouble. ;)

TL4everu2

12-25-2010, 03:01 AM

Updates....

Ok...After some soul searching, and LOTS of talking with L....I have decided to forge ahead and try to make this relationship work. I want to have V fall in love with both L and myself and us for her.

Why am I even typing this? Because....Even though I am open to the poly ideals and ways....I had guarded my own heart. After being hurt by close friends and past lovers....and scoured through the salt fields after being ripped apart.....I was very apprehensive to allow myself to love another woman again. :o

However, with my wife's approval, I am going to try to move this forward.

My wife says that she WANTS me to love V...As long as I don't forget my marriage (of 20 years) or my love for my wife. :rolleyes: Now this may seem like a weird request, but...I see it as a viable request by her. So it works for us. I have assured her that I would NEVER forget about my love for her, and our marriage. :o

Now, will I be able to make this relationship continue and work? I hope so....I could really use the extra love.

Jade

12-25-2010, 06:53 AM

We could all use some extra love. Sometimes giving the extra can hurt, twinge. You have to make allowances for differences in personality, levels of desire. You have to be patient. Cuz sometimes, when it seems like things are working against you, you're just reading in. And sometimes, when things are truly working against you, you have to fight. It can be hard when you're an overthinker, to realize what's what.

TL4everu2

12-26-2010, 05:06 PM

Ok....Yesterday...was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

V had to work until 6pm. :( That kinda sucked. But the time we all spent together when she got to our house...was so nice. ;) She came over, and we had dinner as a family. L and I's two kids, L, V, and myself. All together at the table felt natural. My kids are accepting her as a family member. L and I had ZERO issues last night.....except for me feeling as though I was pushed to the edge of the bed. But meah...That was so minor, it was almost not worth mentioning.

After dinner, V, L myself and my 13 y/o son sat at the dinner table and played poker, then blackjack. Eventually, my son migrated to the computer, leaving me, L, and V playing blackjack. That was fun. No real "bets", but just the satisfaction of a winning hand or two....Then, L, V, and myself migrated to the bedroom to give V a nice massage before bed. She had a long hard day at work, so we wanted to help her to relax a bit.

My wife L is the one in school to become a licensed massage therapist, so she was the one giving out the massage. It was so relaxing and calming.

Then, we all got ready for bed...........

We slept well.....when we slept. :D (Come on...did you REALLY think I would give a break down of the ENTIRE night?)

I will say that it was some of the best sex L and I have had in a VERY long time. A true gentleman doesn't tell. ;) While not a true gentleman, I am respectful of V and L.

Anyway, This morning, was just as awesome. V woke up first. Then L went to the from room, followed by myself. L made omeletts, while I helped. It was so great this morning. We all three reflected a bit.

V left with a smile on her face, while L and I had smiles on ours too. We were a bit sadened by the fact that she had to go....but alas, she had her blood relatives to go see still.

TL4everu2

01-01-2011, 06:00 AM

Time to take a break....We moved to a new house today. Just me and L and our kids. V came over and helped to unload after she got off work. However, she must have had a bad day at work.....tempers flared between all of us. :( That sucks.

I hate allowing myself to start developing feelings, and then having a disagreement almost immediatly after. :(

Tonight, I'm pretty sad and upset. I'm just depressed again I think....but then again....maybe not. Maybe now, I'm thinking rationally. ??? Sigh.......I told V, tonight, that L and I were going to give her some space and stop bugging her so much. She said that she didn't think that we were smothering her, but I think we are. I told L that I wasn't going to send any communications to V, until she sent something to us....and even then....my responses would be short and to the point.

Seriously considering breaking up with her. :/

I'm afraid of getting my feelings crushed again.......And I won't allow myself to be in that situation again. Sooo....yeah. I think I'm just gonna go back to being mono. I hate the new year so far........And it's only a few minutes old. :rolleyes: This sucks.

The worst part? I started drinking out of frustration and anger tonight. This makes me almost want to cry. I havent done that in like 18 years or so.

LT4everu2

01-01-2011, 06:07 AM

Honey we will get through this. It is just a ripple in the pond. We are both sick and very tired. Our life is going to have ups and downs, this is part of life. Please dont get depressed on me now, we have our 20 th anniversary on the 16th and have big plans alone.

As to the drinking shit, this is why we left our last couple. Please remember that and don't over react. We will all be fine just need our space :)

Give it a couple of days and see where we are at :)

TL4everu2

01-01-2011, 06:16 AM

SNeacail

01-01-2011, 06:44 AM

Whatever. I'm giving it a long time....Thats all I know. and my walls....which were donw....Just went right back up again. Protective mechanism I guess. I can't help it. I just can't handle getting hurt like I was before. So I won't allow myself to become that close again. And that sucks.

Backing up and taking things slower can be a good thing. Walls that come down too fast can be in danger of crumbling, where as if they come down bit by bit, there is time to reinforce and stabalize everything first so the entire structure doesn't come down with it.

TL you are not the only one that goes through these wild emotional highs and lows. I used to think I was damaged, I don't know anyone that could relate to how devastating a fight with someone I loved could be and how it just sends me off the deep end of despair. Don't do anything while in this mindset and don't do anything while your sick.

Moves suck on the best of days! We have not had a move where my husband and I did not get into a MAJOR fight (we have also been married 19 years). This last one, I knew our pattern and I really tried to avoid it, but nope, major blow up. At least this last one we waited until our friends and family went home first.

TL4everu2

01-01-2011, 01:15 PM

Backing up and taking things slower can be a good thing. Walls that come down too fast can be in danger of crumbling, where as if they come down bit by bit, there is time to reinforce and stabalize everything first so the entire structure doesn't come down with it. Yeah, I'm just stopping for a while. I tried not to say anything which would totally ruin anything....but...meah. Fuck it. I probably did anyway. And at this point..............

TL you are not the only one that goes through these wild emotional highs and lows. I used to think I was damaged, I don't know anyone that could relate to how devastating a fight with someone I loved could be and how it just sends me off the deep end of despair. Don't do anything while in this mindset and don't do anything while your sick. Too late. I already told V that I thought L and I were smothering her, and we would be backing off a bit.

Moves suck on the best of days! We have not had a move where my husband and I did not get into a MAJOR fight (we have also been married 19 years). This last one, I knew our pattern and I really tried to avoid it, but nope, major blow up. At least this last one we waited until our friends and family went home first.Yeah, I know our pattern of the same thing...and try as I would, it made no difference. I still exploded while V was over. L and V had words also. Not exactly a happy time to say the least.

I keep trying to remember that ALL relationships have their arguments, and pitfalls. I'm TRYING to remember that it's not all going to be sunshine and roses. However, Just as L and I are stuck in our ways....So is V.

LT4everu2

01-01-2011, 01:28 PM

Yeah, I know our pattern of the same thing...and try as I would, it made no difference. I still exploded while V was over. L and V had words also. Not exactly a happy time to say the least.

But we talked and said our side of things and made up. We in fact hugged good bye longer and harder and both said sorry again.

I keep trying to remember that ALL relationships have their arguments, and pitfalls. I'm TRYING to remember that it's not all going to be sunshine and roses. However, Just as L and I are stuck in our ways....So is V.

Remember that she is going to see us both upset as we will see her upset. We have to be ourselves around her, if not we are not being fair to her. I understand you are on NRE and want to impress her, but it will go away and she will see us for us. As for the argument it was not that big of a deal and she will either get over it or move on. This is how all relationships work. We have been married for 20 yrs and have worked through more arguments then I care to count. Lets give this relationship the chance to work out the bugs.

I love you!:D

nycindie

01-01-2011, 09:59 PM

TL, you are such a fatalist. Just because there are moments that are not all rainbows and puppy dogs does not mean the relationship is doomed. Count your blessings when you're feeling that way -- that usually gets me off my pity pot. It sounds, from what LT says here, like everything's fine. 2011 will be a great year!

Jade

01-01-2011, 10:09 PM

Yeah. Try to not let those walls go up without good cause. An argument is poor cause to wall yourself off. It's too manipulative... like saying, unless it always smells like roses, it's BAD. It sends an "I'm too shallow to deal with reality" message. Not bashing... talking from experience.

Magdlyn

01-01-2011, 10:48 PM

You change your mind like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS like a bitch, I would know

And you overthink, always speak cryptically
I should know that you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in, then you're out
You're up then you're down

You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

...Someone call the doctor
Got a case of love bipolar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

nycindie

01-01-2011, 10:51 PM

:D Magdlyn, you crack me up!

Magdlyn

01-01-2011, 11:19 PM

It's so true tho!

TL4everu2

01-01-2011, 11:31 PM

It is true.....We are SUPPOSED to meet with V tonight to watch UFC fights. No idea if she will show or not. If not, oh well. I'm gonna watch the fights. If so...Oh well, I'm gonna watch the fights. I have a big fight coming up in April anyway, and this is just what I needed to get me fueled and testosterone crazed. I feel like I could knock this guy out right now! Another 3 months, and I'll be amped, stacked, and ready to kill!

I have had walls in place for a long time. No sooner than I let them down, I get this crap. Meah. The world will not end....even if our relationship with V does. And at this point, I've killed my own emotions as far as she's concerned. Yes, I miss her....but I'm going to keep my distance for a while. Let her play the cat for a while. If she's interested still, she'll play the part....if not...she won't.

Magdlyn

01-02-2011, 12:17 AM

It's not a damn game or competition like a stupid wrestling match.

It's love, emotions, being sensitive, knowing yourself... it's not cat and mouse. If she doesn't feel smothered, respect that she actually likes the attention. Sheesh.

Jade

01-02-2011, 01:46 AM

Wow. I would NEVER play the part for someone who is so poorly invested.

nycindie

01-02-2011, 01:59 AM

I have had walls in place for a long time. No sooner than I let them down, I get this crap. Meah. The world will not end....even if our relationship with V does. And at this point, I've killed my own emotions as far as she's concerned.An argument or a few heated words on an understandably stressful day and the relationship that you were head over heels about is suddenly over for you? And you feel like a victim? What the...???!!!

TL4everu2

01-02-2011, 11:38 PM

I'm sure that you three all got a notification that I had replied to this thread, and came here and were like "WTF? There's no reply.". But I did reply, and thought twice about my reply. Here you got though.

It's not a damn game or competition like a stupid wrestling match.

It's love, emotions, being sensitive, knowing yourself... it's not cat and mouse. If she doesn't feel smothered, respect that she actually likes the attention. Sheesh.Life is a game. You can either play, or not. If you play, you live. If not, you die. Relationships are also a game. If you play, you interact with another person or more. If not, you don't. Simple. I refer to it as "cat and mouse". When one person plays the cat, they are the aggressor. When they play the mouse, they are more timid, and receptive. Sometimes, you have to play a bit of each part, but it's impossible to play both at the same time.

When I asked her if she felt smothered, she hesitated before answering "not exactly". This tells me that she was uncertain or wasnt sure how to answer. It was a yes or no question. Not a lot of wiggle room in it. But I respect her answer. While I'm respecting it, I'm also giving her a little more space.

Wow. I would NEVER play the part for someone who is so poorly invested.And that's your perogative. However, you would never know how "poorly invested" the person was....until it was too late. The only way to know, is when I actually say "I'm breaking up with you. I just don't want to deal with it." Then, you (or she) would realize how "poorly invested" I was/am. But keep reading please. ;)

An argument or a few heated words on an understandably stressful day and the relationship that you were head over heels about is suddenly over for you? And you feel like a victim? What the...???!!!Well...I DO see how trivial you must see this as. I wouldn't say I was "head over heels" for anyone. I was definatly enjoying the company and the companionship. I also enjoyed the fact that she and my wife got along.

I feel that we are all THREE the victim's in this instance. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I'm trying to tread lightly. I've decided to give V space. She seems to have wanted some. I think it is best for now. Maybe next week, I'll send her a message again. But for now...I'm holding off.......and trying to let HER message US first so we don't encroach on her personal time.

I'm not throwing it all away, but I AM holding off on advancing the relationship further, and I AM keeping certain walls in place to protect myself and make it so I'm able to make hard decisions when and/or if the time comes.

eklctc

01-08-2011, 05:31 AM

Well, I hope it all works out for you guys. *hugs*

TL4everu2

01-10-2011, 12:51 AM

Jealousy......I hate it....So, I've been sitting back and not being overbearing.....Waiting for V to contact me, instead of the other way around. But all this time away from L and I, has allowed her to be in contact with someone else. Now I feel like we're in a competition with this other guy.

Uggh! Why would I feel jealousy? I mena, she's not my wife.....She's my wife and I's girlfriend. She DID tell this other guy once before that she was seeing US, but yet he keeps trying to get with her. GRRRR!!

nycindie

01-10-2011, 01:03 AM

Why shouldn't she have both of you and someone else?

TL4everu2

01-10-2011, 12:23 PM

It would SOUND that simple wouldn't it? And typically, that would be fine......However, she told US (my wife and I) in the beginning, that she was poly-fi, and she wanted to be with a couple. Well, New guy (I'll call him N) was involved in a very LARGE poly family, but has since left that dynamic. He told V, about 2 weeks ago, that he knew that she was poly-fi, he also knew that she was looking for a COUPLE, and that while he didn't meet that exact make up anymore, he was still interested if she was. She told him, at that time, that she was currently seeing a couple and that she was flattered. (This is what she told us anyway, and we have no reason not to believe her.....)She also told him that if anything changed, she would let him know. Now, after our spat, she suddenly wants to go on walks with him 2x a week. :/ Also, we had given her a necklace, which she wore up until this point, and now doesn't wear it at all. Interesting.....L and I do not trust N. We know him from a local poly discussion group, and also know some of his various beliefs with respect to poly. So....No, we don't trust him at all.

On the plus side, V opened up a little more last night to us and expressed some of HER fears. THAT was a nice feeling, even if her fears were unfounded. She fears that we will be (my wife and I) disappointed in her. Like she's not going to be enough or what we expect. :rolleyes: I tried to let her know that we care for her the way she is. And not to change anything about herself. She said that it may be a long time before she will feel comfortable to move in with us. L and I both said that we didn't have any expectations about that. I told V that, while living together is a great goal, it is not an expectation or a requirement. She seemed somewhat relieved.

My wife and I have not yet told V that we are jealous of N, yet. We have chosen to sit back, and let this beautiful woman do as she pleases. She is single, afterall, and will attract lots of men and women. I can't help but think that she may be doing this as a defense mechanism so she doesn't get too close, too fast. :confused:

TL4everu2

01-10-2011, 06:08 PM

Sigh....Ok, L brought up a good point today to me. I asked her if maybe V was using N to show me how much it hurt to hear about S & D (L and I's previous lovers) all the time. L told me "No. N has just come out of a long relationship and is hurting. V is just a very caring person and doesn't like to see her friends hurting."

This is true. And now....I feel like a heel. :rolleyes:

TL4everu2

01-11-2011, 12:12 PM

I had a dream last night....That I actually kinda remembered today. I don't remember ALL my dreams. In fact, it's kinda rare for me to remember one. However, last night I dreamt I was on a cruise ship. I was on it as an employee or something. I have no idea who the group of people I was on it with were, but they were mostly younger than me. Well, I went to take a cell phone pic of myself, and I had no service to even take the pic. In fact, my phone was breaking also. Weird. So I went out on the deck to see if I could get service outside. Still no service, but I COULD see that we were hung up on a sand bar.....This lasted a few seconds, and then we were headed out to sea again.

I am a firm believer that dreams can represent our futures. (Not that they DO every time, but they can) A little research shows that a dream of being on a cruise ship can represent an emotional journey that a person is going through.

This makes sense to me, even if it has represented something past. With V, we hit a sand bar, and then moved on past it. I hope for smooth seas ahead.

nycindie

01-11-2011, 12:48 PM

My sister is great at analyzing dreams, she could do it for a living, if there was a demand for that. She is of the school that believes all elements of a dream can represent a part of oneself.

I think the part about trying to take a picture of yourself with your cell phone is significant. It seems to address the way you pictured (wanted) things to go, and how you wanted people to see you, but your old way of doing it was limiting and literally falling apart. And communication was a large part of that. So you had to go out further (onto the deck) where you could see more of the situation (the big picture) to get clarity about what's happening. It's also interesting that you're at a standstill when your focus is on the little screen on the cell phone (could be interpreted as self-absorption or trying to make things fit into a pre-conceived "box"), but then the whole ship (life, relationship) starts to move forward in the water (emotions) when you look around you, include more in your view, and see the situation for what it is.

TL4everu2

01-11-2011, 07:36 PM

WOW Cindie! That's AWESOME!

TL4everu2

01-12-2011, 07:10 PM

GAH! What a rollercoaster!

Ok, an INSTANT LOW, followed by a leveling out! Uggh! I almost puked! LOL

Earlier today, I saw that tonight it's supposed to get pretty cold out. in the freezing levels.....And this is TAMPA! Anyway, V doesn't have working heat at her place, but has a space heater for her room. She tells L and I all the time, that it's still cold in her place. So today, after seeing the news about the weather, I sent V a text inviting her over to spend the night. I told her that I knew we all had to go to work tomorrow, so I would keep my wandering hands to myself and we could all go to bed early. Well, she just now responded, telling me that she appreciated the offer, but that she would be ok, and possibly spending the night somewhere ELSE tongiht! :eek: My mind raced to bad places, automatically thinking the worst. Then, she sends me another text asking someone named "T" if they were still on for tonight. HUH? Obviously a wrong number thing, because while my first initial is "T", I hadn't set up ANYTHING with her for tonight! LOL

Yep...As I was trying to figure out exactly WTF was going on, she texts again and says that was meant for another person. (a female with the first initial of T)

A sigh of relief from me......then I realize that she lived as a lesbian for 5 years...married to a woman....INSTANT LOW again! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 1!!!ONE!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to get busy and filling up my mind so it doesn't wander. I, for some odd reason, can't for the life of me remember what her daughter's name is! GRRRRRRRR

TL4everu2

01-14-2011, 04:05 AM

Ok, She went to her daughters house for the evening.....But now she is sick and can't spend any time with us. :( I'm feeling odd about our relationship. Like we are growning apart. Like she doesn't WANT to spend time with my wife and I...or even just with me...or just with my wife. :(

I guess, if she feels like that, it would just be nice to know so I can move on.

nycindie

01-14-2011, 09:16 AM

TL4everu2

01-14-2011, 12:28 PM

TL, you run hot and cold from minute to minute. Geez, the woman is sick, give her a break. Instead of thinking of yourself, you could show some concern for her, instead. Does she need anything? Can you do anything for her? If someone I cared about was sick, I wouldn't be bitching about what I wasn't getting from them. Remember your dream -- step out of that self-absorption and look at the big picture! Stop being such a fatalist! Life is good!Actually, the first thing that came out of my mouth was "Oh no! This is my fault!" Then I sent her a text telling her I hoped she felt better soon and asking her if L or I could do anything for her. Trust me, I showed her concern. This concern was met with.......nothing. No response, no thank you, no f-you, no nothing.

The reason I feel it was MY fault, is because 2 weeks ago, I was sick.....and I accidentally gave her a kiss. So yeah....Probably MY fault for being careless.

Anyway, my point with THIS post, is that I'm NOT just thinking of myself here. When genuine concern is shown, and not met with anything, it leads a person to believe that the concern is not WANTED or desired.

My wife and I are going out this weekend to Naples, and wanted to see her before we left. Maybe spend some quality time with her. but it seemed like she made an excuse not to see us. (Especially since we told her we would like to go out with her, about 2 weeks ago, this weekend....and she said she didn't want to disrupt our anniversary weekend. Which we told her she wouldn't be doing, and that we actually WANTED to spend the time with her before we left.) I have to believe that she is genuinely sick, and simply doesn't want to give it back to us. But at least ACCEPTING some concern, and responding SOMEHOW, would be nice. Know what I mean?

Magdlyn

01-14-2011, 01:29 PM

Lots of time I text or msg my boytoy and he doesnt respond til he's good and ready. We've been together almost 2 years. People have different communication styles. It pays to have patience. Remember you were saying you didn't want to smother her? Give her some space and have some trust.

nycindie

01-14-2011, 08:17 PM

Anyway, my point with THIS post, is that I'm NOT just thinking of myself here. When genuine concern is shown, and not met with anything, it leads a person to believe that the concern is not WANTED or desired.I hope you know I wasn't scolding you, but trying to boost you up. You often seem to let yourself get carried away with your emotions and thoughts, and then it sounds like you obsess and get upset over stuff that you have blown a bit out of proportion. Then, you're blissful again when something or someone reassures you. I think you need to find a way to stabilize yourself a bit, so that you don't keep getting knocked around moment-to-moment by life's uncertainties and fluctuations.
My wife and I are going out this weekend to Naples, and wanted to see her before we left. Maybe spend some quality time with her. but it seemed like she made an excuse not to see us . . . I have to believe that she is genuinely sick, and simply doesn't want to give it back to us. But at least ACCEPTING some concern, and responding SOMEHOW, would be nice. Know what I mean?Some people just really need to isolate and nurture themselves quietly when sick. Plus, she might feel you are pressuring her, so perhaps there is a bit of hesitation on her part. But so what? Can't she be herself in this relationship? I agree with Magdlyn, you need to give her some space, man.

For yourself, try to remember that your feelings of well-being, worth, "okay-ness" in the world, and self-esteem shouldn't be so dependent upon on what others feel about you, or if they want to be with you or not. Find ways to feel good about yourself and enjoy what you got, so that if she wants to be with you, it's icing on the cake. And if she doesn't, or she needs time to herself (which people often do) for whatever reason, that's just a choice she made, and you can look forward to the next time you get together. You don't have to make everything so "life and death!"

I say all this to you with compassion and empathy, I hope you know. But I do feel like I want to shake you a bit! ;)

TL4everu2

01-14-2011, 08:50 PM

But I do feel like I want to shake you a bit! ;)Hehe...I might like it. :p

Actually, I DON'T like the bondage thing. :o But I respect those that do. (my wife is into it a little)

Anyway,
I guess I'm not like other people here then. I always knew I was a bit off and different. You see, I always thought that when a person was dating someone, they showed them SOME sort of an interest, and at least RESPONDED to them when they spoke to them. Of course, maybe I'm wrong. And then, when they responded, they would do so with SOME resemblance of caring, and not so non-shelantly as if they couldn't care less.

I mean, to me, it's the equivalent of you saying to your SO that you love them....and your SO looks away and doesn't even acknowledge your existence. Or even you OSO.

Magdlyn,
V is not simply our toy. for us, a relationship with a boytoy is COMPLETELY different than a relationship with someone you love. To us, a "boytoy", is someone you simply fuck, and send them home. No emotions or wanting to know more about them. Just how they are in bed. L and I have done that before, but we want more. V knows this, and has expressed that she also wants more. However, she has a funny way of showing it.

:confused:

Hannahfluke

01-15-2011, 03:25 AM

L and I have done that before, but we want more. V knows this, and has expressed that she also wants more. However, she has a funny way of showing it. :confused:

You just talked about how you're backing off from her a little while ago, within the last two weeks, and waiting for her to play cat to your mouse. Have you considered that maybe she feels rejected by you doing that? And confused by all of your hot and cold actions? "I don't want to let her get close" "OMG, she didn't respond to my text right away, I have to ask her if she really likes me". It seems to me like she's treating you in exactly the same way you're treating her.

TL4everu2

01-15-2011, 04:10 AM

Hannah, You bring up a very good point. And it is completely possible. I DID think that she may have felt rejected by my doing that, so I picked up again. (albeit at a little slower level)

And...Well, As I was taught before...if you always give what you've always given, you'll always get what you always got.

I HAVE found that with V, if I don't ask, I never know. I have also found wiht V, that if I lead, she will follow.

But how to impliment these findings to the benefit of all parties involved?

Magdlyn

01-15-2011, 01:15 PM

Magdlyn,
V is not simply our toy. for us, a relationship with a boytoy is COMPLETELY different than a relationship with someone you love. To us, a "boytoy", is someone you simply fuck, and send them home. No emotions or wanting to know more about them. Just how they are in bed.

OK, I am going to ramble a bit, off topic, so be forewarned:

Actually I have a huge crush on my boytoy. I respect the hell out of him. I do love him, in a certain way. He's so mature for his age, so responsible. Plus he has this certain nonchalance, lots of confidence, an effortless calm about him. And he's really funny and has a great vocabulary. Also, his brother is mentally troubled and needs a lot of care, which is similar to my daughter's needs, so we kinda get each other in that area as well.

sigh... he's also really cute, not in a conventional model way, but tall (6'4"), skinny, pale, with a big mop of curly black hair.

I call him my toy because all those things make me attracted to him and want to "play" with him a lot. I never send him home, he leaves because he has other commitments, a job, to drive his brother somewhere, etc. I've just never pressured him to be more than my FWB, because of our age difference. I know if I'd pressed him to take me out on dates, or introduce me to his friends, he would've been gone long ago and I wouldn't have the pleasure of his charming company once or twice a month.

I admit our relationship is primarily sexual, but omg we are so perfectly sexually matched, the passion, the creativity, the boundaries explored and pushed, it's like a bit of heaven every time we get together. And as I said elsewhere, he's become much more affectionate and cuddly in recent months. After sex I often give him a back massage and he just melts under my hands... it's so nice and relaxing.

My gf is pretty angsty and dramatic, so being with the boy is a nice break, a mini-vacation, kind of a Zen experience.

TL4everu2

01-15-2011, 01:52 PM

Magdlyn,
I can understand. However, our relationship with V is not simply a sexual one. We have no desire to make it simply a sexual relationship. In fact, since knowing her, we've all only gotten together that way twice. It was devine to be sure, but not the be all end all of the relationship. I, personally, enjoy simply being around her. Holding hands with her, holding her, etc. All the same things I enjoy with my wife. There is a different feel to her though.

V lived as a lesbian, married to a woman for 5 years. She was also, at one time, married to a man. I think it was for around the same time period. She is older and more mature than I am. Maybe not more mature than my wife, but definatly more mature than me! LOL :D

She has a great sexual desire, and touts that fact. I often wonder if she is simply not getting enough sex from us, and may be seeking it out elsewhere. If so, this is kinda a deal breaker. The reason is that we all....as in her, my wife, and myself.....went into this relationship knowing that we were all poly-fi, and not just looking for fuck buddies or toys. So....IF (note the large letters) that's all she wants, she needs to let us know, so we can move on. If NOT, then again, she needs to let us know so we can move FORWARD. But without being able to even TALK to her, it makes it WAY more difficult to know what she wants.

It's been 3 days now with no responses or replies to anything we've sent her way. Texts, facebook messages, etc. This is not typical of her and is why I am wondering what's up.

TL4everu2

01-15-2011, 02:08 PM

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

No less than 2 minutes of my last post, V sends me a response via text! HOLY CRAP!

I think that she must be feeling what I am emmitting. In japanese, this is called Shin Pa Tan. Or "Short Mind Waves". Very similar to short wave radio. The feelings can be felt over long distances, so the parties involved can often know when the other is hurting, or about to call them, or feelings of lonliness, or loss. I will, from time to time, pull out my cell to check text messages. I OFTEN do so right as a text from V comes in, or shortly before. (Like a couple seconds) This happens too much and too often to be sheer coincidence.

To state my feelings right now; relieved and better.

Magdlyn

01-15-2011, 02:37 PM

Magdlyn,
I can understand. However, our relationship with V is not simply a sexual one. We have no desire to make it simply a sexual relationship.

Yeah, you're not listening to me. I said I love my boy, and our relationship is primarily sexual, not simply sexual.

In fact, since knowing her, we've all only gotten together that way twice. It was devine to be sure, but not the be all end all of the relationship. I, personally, enjoy simply being around her. Holding hands with her, holding her, etc. All the same things I enjoy with my wife. There is a different feel to her though.

...She is older and more mature than I am. Maybe not more mature than my wife, but definatly more mature than me! LOL :D

Interesting. I hope you can learn from her, as my younger lovers learn from me and my more extensive experiences.

She has a great sexual desire, and touts that fact. I often wonder if she is simply not getting enough sex from us, and may be seeking it out elsewhere. If so, this is kinda a deal breaker. The reason is that we all....as in her, my wife, and myself.....went into this relationship knowing that we were all poly-fi, and not just looking for fuck buddies or toys. So....IF (note the large letters) that's all she wants, she needs to let us know, so we can move on. If NOT, then again, she needs to let us know so we can move FORWARD. But without being able to even TALK to her, it makes it WAY more difficult to know what she wants.

Yes, poly takes open and honest communication. Sorry it's so hard for you to communicate openly with her. If she is super horny, and so are you, why aren't you having tons of hot sex?

TL4everu2

01-15-2011, 02:56 PM

Yeah, you're not listening to me. I said I love my boy, and our relationship is primarily sexual, not simply sexual.And again, we have no desire for a "primarily sexual" relationship. ;)

Interesting. I hope you can learn from her, as my younger lovers learn from me and my more extensive experiences. I'm trying....I really am.

Yes, poly takes open and honest communication. Sorry it's so hard for you to communicate openly with her. It isn't "hard". It's impossible. Here, try this experiment. Have your boy toy change his phone number (which we have NOT done, but would equivilate the same). Then, send him texts to the old number telling him how you feel. Wait. wait some more. Then, try sending him more texts.....Oh yeah...He's still not responding? Hmmm...Makes it difficult to "communicate"....doesn't it? We're not willing to simply drop in on her un-announced. We did that once, and it felt weird, and I think she felt like we were stalking her. LOL Which we weren't. So communication is a two way street.......We talk, she talks, we communicate. Until today, it has been just US (my wife and I) talking....and her not responding. That is not communication. It is us TRYING to communicate to her, but her not responding for whatever reason. This is unusual for her.

If she is super horny, and so are you, why aren't you having tons of hot sex?Because that isn't the type of relationship we want. It has been my wife and I's experience, as well as V's, that if the relationship revolves around the sex, then it falters quicker and disapates. So, in an effort to change the way we (my wife and I) do things, we deliberatly held off on sex, and have held back on trying to "get sum". Focusing more on the mental and emotional aspects of the relationship. ;)

nycindie

01-15-2011, 08:34 PM

TL, you very often perceive things as slights against you when it's likely not the case. You seem to focus on your relationships instead of YOU. You want things to go a certain way, and when they go differently, your world is shaken. When she responds or does something you like, you post here that you're happy. So happy! When she doesn't get back to you for two or three days (not very long, actually), or confuses you in some way, you're all doom and gloom and everything's "over" for you. And it changes several times a day, LOL! Your emotional well-being is so wrapped up in another person's actions and behaviors toward you, that you come off as a bit ungrounded, maybe even flighty. That's why some of us say you've been "hot and cold." Build a strong foundation of security within yourself and you won't be so strongly affected by others. You still feel it but not be so overwhelmed and will recover more quickly.

TL4everu2

01-15-2011, 09:06 PM

Cindie, please try to understand that I am bi-polar, and often flip my moods several times per day. If you think it's rough for you in a forum, try living it! :eek: I'm trying to keep my doom and gloom thoughts to myself generally, and usually only post them here. It's my outlet so to speak. Please bear with me. ;) Anyway....That's me....and I don't TRY to hide it from V. If I tried to hide it from her, it would only surface later and REALLY scare the hell out of her then. But I DO try ot keep it as low key as possible. This forum/thread, is my venting room. I take everyone's advice and try to see it through a good light and try to remember that everyone is simply trying to help.

So please, try to remember, I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. But I usually level out

nycindie

01-15-2011, 09:10 PM

I have extreme highs, and extreme lows. But I usually level outGood to know. I did not know you are bipolar, and am glad that you found this outlet to vent. I am not judging, only trying to be helpful. I think the best thing to do when if you are hyperfocused on the relationship, is to occupy yourself with something else that gives you peace and/or satisfaction. And not to try not to take things too personally. Easier said than done, I know! :)

eklctc

01-15-2011, 11:19 PM

Sorry I'm late to the party, TL. It's been a hectic week. Though I can see where everyone is coming from, to me, I perceive most of V'a actions in the same light that you do, especially, since I've endured much of the same over the the last few months. We can always try to project our thoughts about why someone is doing certain things but the bottom line is, when you decide to be in a relationship with someone, you don't continue to do things 'your' way as if you are only dealing with yourself. Everyone does communicate differently; however, you find common ground in those differences when you decide you want to involve yourself with someone so not acknowledging texts, calls, or not responding to statements from someone you supposedly care for and are trying to build with is unacceptable. If you are only capable or willing to communicate in a particular way then you need to blatantly communicate that and give your partner(s) the choice of whether or not they can accept that and have a relationship with someone who is inflexible in that area.

You are right. People who are serious about associations do show consistent interest and acknowledgement to those people they are involved with. My thing is ... if you are more of a detached person or someone who needs a lot of space and does not practice reciprocity in the same ways I am displaying, then you need to clearly state that. Forget how you operate. There is an 'us', a 'we' now and this person needs to decide if they have what it takes to maintain that. Irregular or stoic (not the word I'm looking for) behavior without communication is not going to result in a successful experience in the long run.

I do believe that V is having some thoughts about her involvement with you and your wife. My partners began doing the same thing to me when they were distancing themselves prior to our recent break-up. There was always a reason why they had to decline opportunities to hang out and, even I, have done it to them in the last couple of months when I did not want to be involved with both of them but didn't want to upset either of them by being frank about it. Now, those thoughts of V's could include so many things. It may not be about the two of you at all. It could be about her or other aspects of her life but still affects her involvement or desire to be involved with you two.

From what I've read, I would continue to give her space. Though, it is nerve-wrecking, I would wait for her to contact you more often (in my experience with my last partners, it could take longer than you want) and I would make a conscious effort not to contact her daily (once every two days is good during this time) but continue to let her know that you guys are interested and care for her. Send her a free ecard just for added support.

I hope your weekend has been brighter. :)

TL4everu2

01-15-2011, 11:50 PM

Thanks Eklctc. My weekend is going good so far. V actually responded to us today. :) AND....This weekend is my wife and I's 20th anniversary. So we are leaving town to go to Naples for a couple days. Plus, I got some new tools today. :) (My wife's anniversary present to me.) She also just gave me a massage....Which TOTALLY relaxed me. I didn't even have to ask for "happy endings". :p LOL

TL4everu2

01-17-2011, 09:12 PM

WEEELLLLLLLL......This weekend was bittersweet.

L and I went to Naples and spent our anniversary there in a BEAUTIFUL hotel called "Bellasera". It was AWESOME!

That was the "sweet" part..........

The "bitter" part, helped Monday live up to it's name. :rolleyes:

Today, V sent me a text saying things just weren't working out, and she was breaking up with me. With ME? I thought it was an "us". As in my wife and I....Not just "me". Weird. Either way, she broke up with us. (Because if you're not dating one, you're not dating either of us)

Insert sad face here --->

Now I'm really glad I disconnected myself a couple weeks ago. Had I kept going the way I was, I would have been REALLY hurt by this. As it is, yes, it hurts. Am I "devastated" by it? Not even. Hurt? Definatly. Gonna get over it? Absolutely. End of the world? Not even CLOSE!

Could I have done some things differently? Yes. Could she? Yes. Could my wife? Yes. We ALL could have. However, we didn't.

I think that from the beginning, she wanted to date just me, or just my wife....But not both. Whatever. She said she felt like she couldn't "express herself" when we were together. As in, she couldn't have "private" conversations or spend "alone" time with me. She also said that she was only alolowed to do what L was "ok with", and how could she be "sponatneous" or express her feelings" like that. She said it "dismisses her feelings". I told her that trying to rush my wife's comfort levels, dismissed HER feelings. Then I told her I was sorry that we didn't go "fast enough" for her, and I was sorry it didn't work out.

So yeah...Kinda sad....but ready to...... move on.

eklctc

01-19-2011, 01:43 AM

Yea...scenario sounds familiar on various levels. The signs were definitely there, though, so I'm glad you went with your first instinct and began the disconnection. Glad you have acknowledged the disappointment but, ultimately, have taken it in stride. That's where I am...already on my next prospect. :) *hugs*

TL4everu2

01-19-2011, 04:08 AM

eklctc

02-01-2011, 01:34 AM

Sorry it's been so long. I have had a hectic month at work and it's ongoing. *sigh*
Hmm...let's see...what part of Florida is that? My sister lives outside of Miami and I'm supposed to visit this year. I may have to do some recruiting. :P

TL4everu2

03-11-2011, 03:27 AM

Wow...been a LOOOONG time since visiting this thread.

Eklctc,
We are in Clearwater. ;)

So today, I went to work. I work with my wife and I's ex's hubby. ?(weird I know.) Anyway, I'm at work, and he blows up my head 1t thing in the mornign. He tells me that my ex would be giving me a call today! I was excited, as I never wanted to break up in the first place. But HE (her hubby) was not comfortable with the closeness of her and my relationship. :(

I told him "I seriously DOUBT that." (Incidentally, I was correct as she did NOT call me today) Anyway, he was always completely AGAINST poly and the idea of poly...but today, he brought it up to me. I thought this was weird to say the least. Then, he tells me that his wife really misses my wife and I, and wants to resume some sort of relations again. :rolleyes: I told him I would like to talk to her also, as I have missed her and talking to her a LOT. But....(there's always a "but"...isn't there)....I was afraid of getting into any kind of relationship with her. He asked why....I told him that I didn't want to because I was afraid of getting involved with her, then having her yanked away from me again like the last time. I really dislike him....but my wife and I both love HER to pieces. We are still upset with her, but understand that she broke up with us because she was trying to keep her marriage together. We just think she went about the whole thing wrong....

Anyway, no phone call from her today. Why? Probably because she doesn't have my new number. ;) I'm keeping it that way though. I told him that if she REALLY wanted to talk to me, she would do it in person at our work or e-mail me, or facebook me.

He has a problem...He tends to lie a lot. In fact, our supervisor has said, on numerous occasions, that he always knows when S is lying....because his lips are moving.

I REALLY want to believe that D wants to talk to L and I again, but I'm not holding my breath.

I asked S WHY D wanted to talk to my wife and I again. He said that he has a FWB, and that his wife D now wants one also...and said she wanted my wife and I as her FWB. I re-itterated to him that I was reluctant to get involved, and I didn't want to jump in with both feet. Rather, I prefered to touch the water with my little toe....or something smaller. LOL

TL4everu2

04-30-2011, 02:50 AM

Well now....How things have changed....

About 3 weeks ago, S got fired from our job! YAY!!!! I know...Sad that I would be happy about someone else getting fired. But it was REALLY getting hard for me to go to work with S every day. He was constantly telling me how D wanted to hook up with L and myself. Blah! Good riddance! Finally done with that chapter of my life! LOL

On another front; If S had not gotten fired, I had other pokers in the fire anyway...and On Monday this week, I got a call about a new job at Midas. Today, I started my first day at Midas. :D Oddly enough, S was my supervisor at my old job, got fired, and also applied at Midas and was turned down for the job.....I applied and GOT the job. WEIRD! He's a faster mechanic than me, but I'm more thorough. :P

On a DIFFERENT front;
L and I have been having issues again. I finally put out a real ad...One that was sure to garner some attention. This ad was to try to find a girl for me. Well, I got that attention I was looking for alright. Of course, when I actually replied to two of the women who responded, it did NOT go over well with L. I did it wrong, and need to refine my approach. While she is trying to get the whole idea of me seeing another woman romantically, I am trying to learn a few things....One, how to find women w/o pissing off my wife. Two, how to attract women...and then tell them that I'm married, but not cheating and we're poly. Three, ??? LOL

So there you have it folks...in a nutshell.

Ariakas

04-30-2011, 02:56 AM

If you don't mind me asking, what about the situation pissed your wife off?

TL4everu2

04-30-2011, 11:17 AM

Sorry Ari, but I will let her explain that, if she chooses to come in here, as I will likely describe it wrong. I have that issue most of the time. LOL

nycindie

04-30-2011, 11:00 PM

Hey, TL, I recall not long ago, you posted to the "how you doing" thread:
Had a long heart to heart with LT last night. Not sure how to convey that even though I have a desire to go out with other women, I am NOT leaving her....EVER. We are currently on a killer drop on the "poly-coaster".

And I wrote back the following, but you didn't respond:
Oh, you two seem so solid, I am sure she couldn't possibly doubt you!! Are you saying you want to try dating a woman that you don't share? I know it's been hard for you to find someone who fits into your situation in that way.

Is that what's been happening? I'm sure it might seem like a big transition for you, if that's the case, but I meant it when I said you guys seem really solid as a couple. I'm sure whatever it is, will work out.

TL4everu2

04-30-2011, 11:42 PM

Hey, TL, I recall not long ago, you posted to the "how you doing" thread:

And I wrote back the following, but you didn't respond:

Is that what's been happening? I'm sure it might seem like a big transition for you, if that's the case, but I meant it when I said you guys seem really solid as a couple. I'm sure whatever it is, will work out.Well Cindie, IDK...Yes...I have the desire to date a women that we are not both involved with on a sexual basis, but I DEFINATLY want LT to be involved with whoever I decide to date, on a friendship basis at the very least)

Ariakas

05-01-2011, 12:57 AM

Well Cindie, IDK...Yes...I have the desire to date a women that we are not both involved with on a sexual basis, but I DEFINATLY want LT to be involved with whoever I decide to date, on a friendship basis at the very least)

That was a big step for me. One I took last may actually. Up until that point I had always been a unicorn hunter, but made the leap to start dating on my own.. in order to date SG.

It was a long process and lots of talking with my wife. But it did work out. We had both always had a rule of girls only, around this time, we also dumped that rule.

For us, both were tied together... both were eliminated together. Both took a long time, lots of discussion, crying and .. well more talking. Eventually it worked out for the best and we now date separately.

So best of luck.. its a huge step in coupled non-monogamy...

TL4everu2

05-07-2011, 11:31 AM

Ok, LT and I had a nice talk the other night. I expressed my feelings (in a nice calm manner). I also told her that I was not going o be practicing ANYTHING poly for a while. Then, I made a mistake. (like I always do) I told HER not to do anything poly either. I told her things were cut off for her and a new interest of hers. I told her that things were cut off for an OLD interest of hers. I told her it was ALL cut off.

STOP......

Then..... we have been communicating the last couple days....

STOP.....

Communication...key...

hmmm....

anyway...She and I started seeing each other again...eye to eye......

She has respected my wishes for her not to see anyone else....Then, yesterday, I made another mistake. :(

LT asked me if I would like to go to a country music concert with her on Sunday. I said "SURE! Thanks for asking me!" Then she asked (and also added in that it was ok to say no) if we could ask Airman to go with us. I answered the text with one word: "NO". I think I confused her. Then she reminded me where the concert would be, and where the tickets were acquired from....She also reminded me that our ex's, S & D might be there. She also reminded me that she would be there for 4 hours before I got off work and could come there to be with her.

It was about that time, that I realized what I had done. So I said that it was fine with me if she wanted to go, and if she wanted to ask Airman out to it, that was fine, but that I didn't want to go anymore. She said she would respect my wishes for her not to ask out Airman, and she simply wouldn't go.

LT LOVES country music. So I really don't want her to miss this. She hasn't been to a country concert in a long time now.

So I told her I would go, and the likelyhood of seeing S & D there was small.

Here's what I felt I did wrong: I denied her seeing Airman. Not out of jealousy....No....I have cut it all off for myself, and should not deny her as well. She is her own person, and I need to allow her to have that.

I cut it off becase I've been so frustrated recently. I keep hearing LT telling me that she would be ok with me having a gf.....but when I (in all my terrible timing) ask to go look online, she gets mad and upset. So...I told her I'm done eve looking for now. I think she has realized what she was doing, and has been extreemly understanding to me more recently. She has encouraged me to look again....however, I'm just not in the mood right now. I can't seem to handle any drama. It saddens me to not have the desire.....but....I think it is best for me right now.

Now, I have done a LOT wrong...so don't let this sound like I am totally innocent, and that I'm bashing her. She has been quite understanding. She also thinks that I often get on here and bash her and make her out to be a mean person. I try not to....She is usually very understanding and helps me out when I need her to.

I'm probably making a mistake posting this also....I hope not.

LT4everu2

05-07-2011, 11:56 AM

TL You are not making a mistake posting this. I love you and want to hear what is going on in your head.

I will be fine at the concert alone for 4 hours. Just would like a friend to hang out with until u was able to be with me. But no biggie maybe I will find someone to talk to.

I am trying to get over the issues I have and will only be able to this with your help and understanding. I need you to stay calm and talk to me like I am your lover, wife & best friend. I am not here to hurt u or to stop your desires. I just simply slower at this then u.
I would like to just take is slow and see where it may take us. And you want to go at warp speed and take it fast pace and see it all fall apart. Even though u don't want it to but it usually does.
You ask me about my desires... well I desire for us to find friends and eventually turn that into lovers with others. I am told that I work to slow on this and ppl just leave due to this, so be it. I feel that they were not meant to be with us if they can't just enjoy us for who and what we are. I want to make it last even if it turns out that we are all just friends.

I love you honey and don't plan on going any where's with out you! So i will respect your feelings and go to the concert alone.

TL4everu2

05-08-2011, 01:54 PM

Had a good time last night. Got invited to a co-workers house to play....strip poker. :eek: WTF????

But we decided to go anyway. Had a good time. It was kinda sexy.....played a dice game similar to Farkle. And yes, it involved stripping. LOL No sex with them, but had a good time anyway. No alcohol really either. Just a good clean fun time. Goiing to see a concert today with them.

TL4everu2

06-16-2011, 12:59 PM

Ok....LT is interested in a new guy. :) She really showed me how it's done as far as meeting people in the real world vs. on the computer. LOL She just talked to him when he spoke to her. They hit it off, and have seen each other (kinda) a couple times. Why "kinda"? Because I've been present each time they have been together. My fault, not hers, and he is just trying to "play by the rules" so he can develop the relationship. LT explained our dynamic to him, and he said it was different, but he would be interested to see how it goes. :)

So, here we grow again. :p

Today, LT and I spoke before really getting up for the day. We went over some issues we have had in our past, and our not so distant past, which relate to today. We have started to develop a plan to work through those issues and get over them. This was good. (please look into my new thread later this morning entitled "separation anxiety?" for more info on this one)

Over the past week, I have realized that I have been living my life just like the movie "Click". I've been on fast forward so long, I've lost almost 1/4 my married life in a blur. :( How did I figure this out? The other day, LT was talking to her new beau. I'll affectionatly name him "Model" for here. (Because he IS a model! LOL) Anyway, when LT is showing an interest in a new guy, I really try to pay attention. Both to HIM, and to HER. I pay attention to everything that is said. I pick up key words. One of the phrases I pick up on, is "I would like to try ***". Well, LT said this, and I picked up on it. I told her AFTERWARDS, that I had no idea she wanted to try this certain thing out. She told me "You remember watching *** *******? (a very sexy movie that I slept through most of unless the sex scenes were on LOL) Well, I told you THEN that I wouldn't mind trying ***"........Damn....I totally missed on that. One of my things that I'm SUPER proud of, is that if LT wants something, she gets it. no matter what. And I missed out on this one thing that she wanted to try. In fact, I missed out on it so much, that I never remembered her saying that until I replayed the evening back in my head. Then I was like "OOOOOHHHhhhhh!!!!!!!!" Then I said "damn.....I'm so sorry baby. I'll see what I can do to make that happen for you."

So, I'm trying to slow down a bit and listen more.Will it work? Time will tell.

TL4everu2

06-16-2011, 02:03 PM

By the way, I think I'm going to start calling LT...."Cotton Candy"....OMG! She will understand.

Minxxa

06-16-2011, 02:36 PM

TL, you remind me a little of my hubs. He moves at warp speed as well, and tends to miss things here and there. I've had the same "you never said x" conversation with him, and once I remind him he remembers, but at the time it didn't sink in.

I've learned to really express what I need directly when I have his focus because I used to get hurt feelings that I'd told him what I want but he never delivered. :)

Still, we do have that conversation here and there and I've learned to accept it as part of who we are.

TL4everu2

06-16-2011, 03:27 PM

I wanna learn to dance....but I have no money to take lessons...and I haven't a rhythmic bone in my body. :(

TL4everu2

06-23-2011, 01:49 AM

Ok...It seems that things with Model will not work out. He did a few more things which made me not trust him. Cotton Candy said that I I don't trust him, she felt she shouldn't either, as I am usually right about guys. So, she said she would stop seeing him.

This was a huge relief to me for some odd reason.

On another front...I think I may have found a trigger for my depression. My back. Thats right. It seems that anytime my back is hurting, I get super depressed. More recently, it has been a realization that I am A) Not young anymore, B) not able to do everything I used to, and C) not going to be able to work physically demanding jobs much longer. :( The other day, I ended up in the hospital due to the back pain. I couldn't go to work because of the pain. So, the doctor told me I had the following wrong with my back: Sciatica, Arthritis, and bone spurs on my L5-S1. So basically, I will be in pain....The rest of my life. :( Bummer for me! Well...You know what? Tough shit! Tomorrow, I'll be going back to work again...and on Friday night...I'll be stepping into the ring....for the last time. :( I love to fight...but it may paralyze me.

Fortunatly, as I am ending my working days...Cotton Candy is just starting hers. She told me before finding this info out "You have worked the first half of our marriage without questions. Now it's my turn for the second half. When I start, you can quit."

I was so touched. However, I will have to find SOMETHING to do to make money. I can't be idle. Period. I may start teaching martial arts again. Maybe.

TL4everu2

06-24-2011, 02:25 AM

Ok....Here is a pic form the weigh ins tonight. Thought you might like it. Tomorrow night will mark the end of an era for me.

http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w225/numberstangs/meandmyoponent.jpg

LT4everu2

06-24-2011, 12:39 PM

You look so ready to ROCK this! I love you!

Magdlyn

06-24-2011, 06:50 PM

Sorry about your back, TL. :(

TL4everu2

06-25-2011, 12:17 PM

Thanks Mags. :)

Well folks,
While my shoulder is KILLING me today, I WON my final MMA fight last night! :D I'm as happy as a teenage boy in a whore house with $300.

I won in the second round via submission from the bottom. A Kimura combined with a body triangle.

Magdlyn

06-25-2011, 12:33 PM

Thanks Mags. :)

Well folks,
While my shoulder is KILLING me today, I WON my final MMA fight last night! :D I'm as happy as a teenage boy in a whore house with $300.

LOL. Congrats. Going out with a bang.

...submission from the bottom.

Heh, that has a different meaning in my circles.

TL4everu2

06-25-2011, 03:27 PM

LOL. Congrats. Going out with a bang.Thanks Mags. ;)

Heh, that has a different meaning in my circles.Mine too. LOL But in ONE of my circles, it's only got one meaning. LOL

ray

06-25-2011, 06:34 PM

Congrats on winning the fight! I have a friend that loves fighting/grappling from the bottom. There are so many double entendres between fighting and sex/kink. lol :) Now that, that amuses me greatly!!

TL4everu2

06-27-2011, 02:33 AM

Nice....So my wife and I are online....and our daughter is at her boyfriends house online.

She sent us a text saying that S (of "S and D") had sent her a message saying that he missed my wife and I. WTF?

I haven't spoken to him or anyone in his family for MONTHS now. Nor do I have any desire to! I still love his wife to death....but I simply can't deal with him and his being wishy washy.

My wife and I are trying to move on....and here he is bugging our kid. :rolleyes: Pissing me off.

I'm gonna go make love to my wife. That'll help me to forget.

TL4everu2

07-03-2011, 02:27 PM

Ok...Today is a decent day.

I wish finding another partner, was as easy as turning in a resume. :rolleyes: I'm doing it wrong somehow. I never get out...I never meet women...The few times I have, they are not what I'm looking for. :(

I am a bit depressed over it today for some odd reason. Bah!

I turn in one resume for a job, to one place. I get a call back and usually get the interview. If I get the interview, I almost always get the job.

I WANT A DATING RESUME!

GRRR!!!!!!

Wish it was that easy...but it's not. So.....I keep getting ignored and turned down.....and I watch as my wife has men AND women lining up to date her. I got so lucky to have snatched her up 20 years ago! She, on the other hand, got the loosing end of the deal apparently. But...She says she's happy with me...so...I keep on keepin on.

Think I'm done actively looking for a woman to date. 99% of women who I have dealt with and shown an interest in, have completely written me off from the start. The other 1%, didn't know I was married, and when they find that out, run the other way. :(

Ariakas

07-03-2011, 02:40 PM

hmmm.. I live in a town of monogamous singles. I know umpteen women who have been "single" for over a decade (which means for the record lots, thousands, of men are getting dates relatively often). They have dated literally hundreds of guys in order to find the one.

They do get dates, most guys don't mesh.. they keep on trucking. Most of the people in this town know you need to be out there meeting people in order to meet the people you can date.

I couldn't imagine dating 100 people and finding no one who is compatible.. THAT would be depressing ;)

The point is, you aren't alone. Poly or mono, dating is part of what "most" people have to go to find people they are compatible with. Not everyone you date will be serious, not everyone you date will sleep with you, not everyone you date will be your wife..

Being poly limits that even more.. but you have to leave yourself out there. Maybe its time to dump your expectations of finding someone and just be out there, available and enjoying the fact you have the freedom to date while being married. And for the record, you have been on more dates this year than a lot of people who come to this board.. ;).. maybe you need to start looking at what is in your life with a more positive light.. (keeping in mind, I have the EXACT same problem, I have had a fantastic year, yet I am still bitchy and sad sometimes)

Anyways, I am babbling.. continued good luck at finding what you want..

ari

TL4everu2

07-03-2011, 02:45 PM

I have been on more dates this year? Really? I think I had one. in January...before the break up. After that...nada. Been out on dates with my wife, but that's it. meah...Leaving my profiles up everywhere...I'll visit them once a week or so...but not gonna hold my breath.

Ariakas

07-03-2011, 03:11 PM

Amazing how time flies. I thought i had read you have had a few dates. *shrugs*

On okc, for example, you have to change your profile every so often. You will show up in other peoples feeds if you do. Otherwise matching becomes more difficult. You aren't a stagnant human being, your profile shouldn't be either.

TL4everu2

07-03-2011, 05:52 PM

Ari, I change my profile on OKC once per week or more. The last week, I got 1 view. That one view was a woman in another state. :rolleyes: Like I said....Just leaving it all alone for a while. I'm beginning to come to grips with the fact that I'm 1) not interesting to other women, 2) unattractive to other women, 3) putting out the "wrong vibes" to other women, or 4) too married for other women. Pick one or all I guess. I've tried being more "open" and "outgoing", but get nada for my efforts.

Maybe I'm SUPPOSED to be a reclusive hermit? LOL

TL4everu2

07-30-2011, 11:11 PM

Ok....Update.....

Cotton Kandy has been conversing with a new guy on Myyearbook. She may meet him later this evening or in the near future. I'm trying to do this a bit differently this time....It hasn't worked for us yet the way I WAS doing it. So...This time, I told Cotton Kandy that I didn't need to know her every move or spoken word to her new guy. In fact, I've been trying to let her know NOT to let me know about every word. She's been talking to him every day for about two weeks or so now. No idea about what. Today, she asked if I minded if they texted. I told her to have a good time with it, and I didn't care. Then I told her that I was fine with it and didn't need to know every move. I also re-affirmed that I was letting HER do things the way SHE wanted to, and I was stepping away from her "personal" life other than to be a supportive husband.

I have been talking to a couple women, but nothing serious. Just trying to be friendly. Not really looking to "hook up". Seems that as soon as I tell them that I'm in an open marriage, they run. :( Oh well. Their loss I guess.

On a high note, I drove our 67 Mustang to work and back this morning. I was worried it might overheat in this 95* + heat. Nope. It was FINE! YAY! Now I can change the rear gears and drive it more regularly! YES! Good note.

TL4everu2

07-31-2011, 06:41 PM

Ok, Cotton Kandy's new interest....is now a new boyfriend. :p

We both went over to his house last night around 12:30....Didn't come home till about 5:30am.

No idea what to call him on here though. :rolleyes:

I decided to take a whole new approach this time around with her interests. I decided to simply let go and give her free will to do as she pleases and see where it goes and how it goes. She asked me last night if it was "ok to go over to his place". I told her "I don't care. If you want to, I'll drive. It's up to you.". So far it seems to be working out well. Time will tell though.

He seems nice enough. He didn't lead into sex talks immidiatly. He actually spent most of his talking time with Kandy, asking her about what her likes and dislikes were, and general day to day stuff. Just being inquisitive and nice. She did the same, and insisted to me, that he was not any kind of "interest". I'm smarter than that, and simply said "ok. If you say so.". LOL

Anyway....I still have no interested parties in me. The usual exchange goes a little something like this:

Me: "Hi, how are you today?"
Her: "I'm ok. Doesn't your profile say 'involved'?"
Me: "Yes. I'm in an open marriage."
Her: "Oh. That's nice. I'm not interested, but good luck and have a good day."
Her: *hit's "block" button*
Me: ......... ummm.....

Soooo...Yeah. That's how it usually works for me. Sometimes it's a little more drawn out, but the bottom line, is as soon as they hear that I'm married, they bolt. :(

nycindie

07-31-2011, 07:02 PM

We both went over to his house last night around 12:30....Didn't come home till about 5:30am.Hey, just want to be clear - did you drop her off or were you there with her for all those hours?

Also, while I do like the new attitude you've taken because it seems to be less stressful for you as a couple, please stop thinking of yourself as now "giving her free will." Your wife's free will has always been her own from the start, and was never yours to give. We all as individuals have free will and being married doesn't change that.

It would be more accurate to say that now you've allowed yourself to be okay with it.

Just giving you a pinch. :)

Magdlyn

07-31-2011, 07:04 PM

Ok, Cotton Kandy's new interest....is now a new boyfriend. :p

We both went over to his house last night around 12:30....Didn't come home till about 5:30am.

No idea what to call him on here though. :rolleyes:

I decided to take a whole new approach this time around with her interests. I decided to simply let go and give her free will to do as she pleases and see where it goes and how it goes. She asked me last night if it was "ok to go over to his place". I told her "I don't care. If you want to, I'll drive. It's up to you.". So far it seems to be working out well. Time will tell though.

He seems nice enough. He didn't lead into sex talks immidiatly. He actually spent most of his talking time with Kandy, asking her about what her likes and dislikes were, and general day to day stuff. Just being inquisitive and nice. She did the same, and insisted to me, that he was not any kind of "interest". I'm smarter than that, and simply said "ok. If you say so.". LOL

Wait just a dadgummed minute! You went on a first date with her, again?? I thought you were letting her do her own thing now, as you said in your previous post!

BTW, I don't call them "bfs" or "gfs" until about 6 weeks of really intense intimacy has happened. Lots of talking, lots of sex, dates in the outside world, lots of phone calls/texts when we aren't together. How can he be her bf after one date, in which her husband was sitting beside listening to every word?

Anyway....I still have no interested parties in me. The usual exchange goes a little something like this:

Me: "Hi, how are you today?"
Her: "I'm ok. Doesn't your profile say 'involved'?"
Me: "Yes. I'm in an open marriage."
Her: "Oh. That's nice. I'm not interested, but good luck and have a good day."
Her: *hit's "block" button*
Me: ......... ummm.....

Soooo...Yeah. That's how it usually works for me. Sometimes it's a little more drawn out, but the bottom line, is as soon as they hear that I'm married, they bolt. :(

You've given up on okc, where you can be listed as available, and tagged as polyamorous to attract poly women. What do you expect?

Minxxa

07-31-2011, 07:10 PM

Have you tried searching for other poly folk and sending some messages? I totally get how women get weirded out by the open marriage thing although hubs seems to not have a problem. Though I think most (if not all) of the women he dates really deep down want him to themselves. :-( not my favorite but that's their dealio. I know hubs has no intention of going anywhere.

Anyway my point (and I had one) was maybe seeking out women who are already familiar with poly might up your chances. I have decided to try that for a while to eliminate the whole "I hear you say you're not monogamous but there must be something lacking in your relationship or you wouldn't be looking" convo. :-)

TL4everu2

07-31-2011, 10:46 PM

Hey, just want to be clear - did you drop her off or were you there with her for all those hours? At HER request, I was there. NOT mine. I told her I always felt like the 3rd wheel. She insisted. How do I handle that? I'll tell you how. Like a caring husband should. I help her. By being there, it is a HUGE relief to her for whatever reason.

Also, while I do like the new attitude you've taken because it seems to be less stressful for you as a couple, please stop thinking of yourself as now "giving her free will." Your wife's free will has always been her own from the start, and was never yours to give. We all as individuals have free will and being married doesn't change that.

It would be more accurate to say that now you've allowed yourself to be okay with it. No...I could EASILY tell her "Not a chance in hell!". But I don't. Her ability to go out without "cheating" on me, is a thing that we have given to each other.

Just giving you a pinch.I know. ;)

Wait just a dadgummed minute! You went on a first date with her, again?? I thought you were letting her do her own thing now, as you said in your previous post! 1st...OUR relationship works this way. YOU'RS may not. Don't damn me or her because of it. 2nd, the guy was actually good with it, and actually, appreciated the fact that I was there. He said he has never dated anyone who was poly before, and had no idea how to act. He was also amazed at the fact that I was ok with her seeing other men, and wanted to make SURE that I was "ok" with it. He wants to be friends with me also, and build a relationship with me. (Nothing sexual, just a really good friendship)

BTW, I don't call them "bfs" or "gfs" until about 6 weeks of really intense intimacy has happened. Lots of talking, lots of sex, dates in the outside world, lots of phone calls/texts when we aren't together. How can he be her bf after one date, in which her husband was sitting beside listening to every word? Because that's how we work? :rolleyes: Again, what works for YOU...doesn't work for US....and visa versa. ;) They HAVE been talking and texting for a few weeks now. We tend not to simply give up the gold too quickly, and once we do, it is because we have built up a relationship.

You've given up on okc, where you can be listed as available, and tagged as polyamorous to attract poly women. What do you expect?As opposed to Myyearbook or facebook, where I can list that I am in an open relationship? Or how about in the "real world".....Where I simply meet people and go from there?

Have you tried searching for other poly folk and sending some messages? I totally get how women get weirded out by the open marriage thing although hubs seems to not have a problem. Though I think most (if not all) of the women he dates really deep down want him to themselves. :-( not my favorite but that's their dealio. I know hubs has no intention of going anywhere. Yes, I have. Kandy and I went to the local Poly meet ups, and such. They are not really "our crowd" so to speak. Most of them are "hippy" types (for lack of a better vocabulary) and we totally AREN'T the hippy type. The ones that aren's "hippy types", are gamers or fetish or imaginary RPG type's. (The type who go to comic conventions and actually dress up for it) So totally not our types. We've also tried the OKC thing. And, with a VERY active account....changing things and adding pics etc daily....I get 2-3 profile views per week. I send messages, only to be ignored or told that they aren't into that sort of thing. a QUICK search on OKC, of poly people in my area within 30 miles, brings up women who I am not physically attracted to in ANY way. Broadening the search to 50 miles brings back one or two.....Who I've messaged, and gotten ignored by.

Does your hubby tell the women that he is married right away? or does he wait until AFTER they've been out on a date?

Anyway my point (and I had one) was maybe seeking out women who are already familiar with poly might up your chances. I have decided to try that for a while to eliminate the whole "I hear you say you're not monogamous but there must be something lacking in your relationship or you wouldn't be looking" convo. :-)Yeah, When I find women who are open minded enough to not just run the other way, I act. But it's tough to find them. So far, almost impossible. We found one once....There's a reason they are called "unicorns". LOL ;)

nycindie

07-31-2011, 10:58 PM

Also, while I do like the new attitude you've taken because it seems to be less stressful for you as a couple, please stop thinking of yourself as now "giving her free will." Your wife's free will has always been her own from the start, and was never yours to give. We all as individuals have free will and being married doesn't change that.

It would be more accurate to say that now you've allowed yourself to be okay with it.

No...I could EASILY tell her "Not a chance in hell!". But I don't. Her ability to go out without "cheating" on me, is a thing that we have given to each other.

Well, you kind of missed my point, hon. You can say whatever you want, but it is your wife's own free will to choose between doing what makes you happy or not. You may see it as you giving her permission, but she doesn't have to listen. Yes, she has given you her love and loyalty, all that, but she has chosen to do so out her own free will, which was not given to her by you. That's what I meant - no one has the power to give anyone free will. Each of us exercises our own free will in living our lives. This is actually a better way to look at it, don't you think? Knowing that you let her know what you want or don't want and she chooses to make you happy?

Oh, and I was asking about whether you dropped her off or stayed all night with her because I wasn't sure if I read it right. No judgment there.

Magdlyn

07-31-2011, 11:27 PM

I'm trying to do this a bit differently this time....It hasn't worked for us yet the way I WAS doing it.

These are your words. I thought that meant you were dating separately, yet you went along on her date.

This time, I told Cotton Kandy that I didn't need to know her every move or spoken word to her new guy. In fact, I've been trying to let her know NOT to let me know about every word. She's been talking to him every day for about two weeks or so now. No idea about what. Today, she asked if I minded if they texted. I told her to have a good time with it, and I didn't care. Then I told her that I was fine with it and didn't need to know every move. I also re-affirmed that I was letting HER do things the way SHE wanted to, and I was stepping away from her "personal" life other than to be a supportive husband...

Contrast with:

We both went over to his house last night...

I decided to take a whole new approach this time around with her interests. I decided to simply let go and give her free will to do as she pleases and see where it goes and how it goes. She asked me last night if it was "ok to go over to his place". I told her "I don't care. If you want to, I'll drive....

You offered to drive. Seems to me you wanted to be there on her first date, or put the suggestion into her mind. I had thought you 2 were dating separately now, from your previous posts. I wasn't pushing my agenda or taste on you.

I mean, you're not the only poly partner who goes on first dates with their partner. Heck, my gf's bf's gf was there for their first several dates. It's just that, from reading your posts for years now, these things never seem to work out, when you 2 are joined at the hip like this.

spent most of his talking time with Kandy...

Well, yeah? It's her he is interested in, not you.

At HER request, I was there. NOT mine. I told her I always felt like the 3rd wheel. She insisted. How do I handle that? I'll tell you how. Like a caring husband should. I help her. By being there, it is a HUGE relief to her for whatever reason.

Go for it. Make it work. :cool:

1st...OUR relationship works this way. YOU'RS may not. Don't damn me or her because of it. 2nd, the guy was actually good with it, and actually, appreciated the fact that I was there. He said he has never dated anyone who was poly before, and had no idea how to act. He was also amazed at the fact that I was ok with her seeing other men, and wanted to make SURE that I was "ok" with it. He wants to be friends with me also, and build a relationship with me.

Well, that's all good.

Because that's how we work? :rolleyes: Again, what works for YOU...doesn't work for US....and visa versa. ;) They HAVE been talking and texting for a few weeks now. We tend not to simply give up the gold too quickly, and once we do, it is because we have built up a relationship.

2 weeks of chatting online does not a relationship make, IMO. I guess I am just more jaded. I know you are much much more excitable than me. I'd be afraid of jinxing things, calling a guy a bf after 2 wks of online chat and one date, which my husband attended.

As opposed to Myyearbook or facebook, where I can list that I am in an open relationship?

Sure. But can you highlight "polyamorous" in your profile so people can do a search for that term?

Or how about in the "real world".....Where I simply meet people and go from there?

Of course. Good luck. As below...

Kandy and I went to the local Poly meet ups, and such. They are not really "our crowd" so to speak. Most of them are "hippy" types (for lack of a better vocabulary) and we totally AREN'T the hippy type. The ones that aren's "hippy types", are gamers or fetish or imaginary RPG type's.... totally not our types.

So much for the real world then.

TL4everu2

08-01-2011, 12:28 PM

These are your words. I thought that meant you were dating separately, yet you went along on her date.

Contrast with:

You offered to drive. Seems to me you wanted to be there on her first date, or put the suggestion into her mind. I had thought you 2 were dating separately now, from your previous posts. I wasn't pushing my agenda or taste on you. Again Mags, you have no idea of all the variables here. I offered to drive, because of a couple different reasons. 1) Cotton Kandy's bronco is broke down right now, and she can't drive mine because it's a stick. 2) Her new bf/interest/fuckbuddy/whatever you want to call him has a 3 y/o daughter that he had just put to bed and couldn't drive her. 3) The bus system here sucks 4) Cabs are too expensive for us at this point in our lives.

Did that answer a little more for you?

I mean, you're not the only poly partner who goes on first dates with their partner. Heck, my gf's bf's gf was there for their first several dates. It's just that, from reading your posts for years now, these things never seem to work out, when you 2 are joined at the hip like this. I'm not sure, but I think I've only been on here for a year or so. Maybe I'm wrong.

Well, yeah? It's her he is interested in, not you. This happens when you take things out of context. I know he's interested in her and not me. I meant he spent most of his time online recently talking to her. Small thing. No biggie.

Go for it. Make it work. We're trying to, thank you.

Well, that's all good. I hope so?

2 weeks of chatting online does not a relationship make, IMO. I guess I am just more jaded. I know you are much much more excitable than me. I'd be afraid of jinxing things, calling a guy a bf after 2 wks of online chat and one date, which my husband attended. Well, Seeing more than one guy or girl within a week (other than our spouse), and fucking them all or a few of them, makes something different than Kandy or I want to be. ;) If she's sleeping with another person other than me, she usually only sticks to one other person other than me. a little mono in thought, yet still not. :p

Sure. But can you highlight "polyamorous" in your profile so people can do a search for that term? Nope. But we CAN put it in the top of our profile so it sticks out a bit when they are looking at it. ;)

Of course. Good luck. As below...

So much for the real world then.By 'real world", I meant day to day. As in, not poly meet ups. As in, meeting people at the club, or at dinner, or at work, or wherever we are at any given time. You know, the way it USED to be 20+ years ago. ;)

Magdlyn

08-01-2011, 03:44 PM

Thanks for the further details and good luck!

opalescent

08-01-2011, 03:56 PM

TL,

In response to your postings about dating woe, have you tried Fetlife.com? It's not a dating site per se but people do use it to find like-minded folks. I ask because as I read group discussions, I read a few posts where women note that they love MMA guys. So I thought of you!

An account is free. And while Fet is definitely focused on kink and fetish, it is not necessary to be hardcore kinky. I consider myself mildly kinky at best and feel welcome. There are several groups devoted to various aspects of poly. You could even search for MMA as a fetish.

Noodle about and see if it works for you.

TL4everu2

08-05-2011, 10:08 PM

Wow....Have a date set up with Kandy tomorrow night......Yet she told me that if I wanted to go on a date with someone else, that was fine with her. O_o Whaaaa???? That's out of left field!

I told her I didn't want to go on a date with anyone else that night except her because I had already made the commitment previously.

TL4everu2

08-06-2011, 12:36 PM

Hmmm Well, I apparently was of my rocker the other day when I posted the above post. I put "tomorrow", when I meant Saturday night we had a date. Sheesh! LOL

Well, last night, Kandy and I went out to meet a new woman. I've been talking to this lady for a couple weeks now online. A couple days ago, she (The new woman) asked for Kandy's profile and wanted to send her a friend request. So, I hooked them up together. They have been chatty cathy's thus far. Last night, we (Kandy and I) met this woman for the first time in real life. She was really fun and easy to talk to. I have decided to just try to make a friend with her. Not because I'm not attracted to her....HELL no! LOL I find her VERY attractive. But she told me before that she's not poly. She said she's open minded though, and doesn't discount a friendship because of a person's personal lifestyle. That was refreshing to me. We discussed her last 4 dates. OMG some guys are total IDIOTS! It really made me wonder how those guys actually get laid. Maybe they dont, and they lie a lot. LOL Anyway, it was a "non-date" with a "non-prospective gf". We just sat and drank some coffee at Starbucks.

Her and Kandy are VERY alike. From bodies, to personalities. For me, sitting there watching the two of them talk, it was like they were almost sisters! Uncanny! But I really liked it and was TOTALLY relaxed. There was no pressure to impress or anything, so it was simple and fun.

TL4everu2

08-09-2011, 04:55 PM

Still got our new friend. She is an active dater. She goes out on a different date about 3 times per wk. Thats awesome! We all get along quite well. Probably because we're not all having sex. :rolleyes:

On another note....I probably tore my LCL last night in my knee. The new woman showed genuine interest in my well being. Which was nice to have someone else (other than my wife) concerned about me. I'm not used to it.

TL4everu2

08-11-2011, 11:20 PM

Well, I am able to walk...Kinda. :/ New friend and I are still speaking from time to time.

Totally got screwed by my boss at work this week for pay. I was in the shop over 45 hrs, yet only got paid for 17.8 hrs. :eek: Kandy was LIVID over it. I have been putting out resume's for a couple days now, and today I got a call back on one of them. I start at my new job tomorrow. My (now EX) boss has no clue that I'll be in tomorrow to retrieve my tools and be out of his shop. Leaving him hanging on a couple jobs. He can have fun re-installing a Jag motor by himself. :evil grin: Anyway, Kandy is somewhat happier. And I'll hopefully be a LOT happier, knowing that I'm getting paid for every hour I'm in the shop. :D

Still no gf prospects. Kinda the way I like it. I'm getting used to it.

nycindie

08-11-2011, 11:25 PM

Totally got screwed by my boss at work this week for pay. I was in the shop over 45 hrs, yet only got paid for 17.8 hrs. :eek: Kandy was LIVID over it.

Are you sure it wasn't just an accounting error? Have you talked to the payroll person about it? Of course it's upsetting, but it seems a bit rash to just assume you were being screwed on purpose, and to up and leave. I hope you pursue them for the money you are owed!!!

TL4everu2

08-13-2011, 11:31 AM

Yes Cindie, I am sure. He told me "Ok, you have 17.8 book hours.". "Book hours", are hours that the books say it takes to repair a car. I had plenty more than that, however, that's all he chose to record. Plus, in Florida, it's illegal to pay that way. You are required to get the maximum of the two pay grades here. The problem exists when I said, Well...I've been here for 45 hrs...in shop. And he says "Well, you only have 17.8 book hours". His solution? He said, fine, "I'll pay you 34 hours at minimum wage".

I had already found another job by this point. So...I took what scraps he would throw at me, and am now going to take him to small claims court for the full amount. 45 hours at $12 per hour, minus what he already paid me. I only want whats due to me. Nothing more.

TL4everu2

09-09-2011, 02:42 AM

blech! I think I'm gonna go mono.

TL4everu2

09-20-2011, 02:26 AM

Fuck....I'm an insensitive idiot. Why do I have depression issues which cause me to say and do fucked up stuff?

Today, my wife took a VERY important test. I'm cycling through my depression stages again. Fucking bs. She failed her test. So I act like an insensitive idiot. I'm upset because the test costs $200. That was included in her student loan. But...Re-tests are NOT covered. So now, we have to find a way to come up with $200 for her to RETAKE the test. I don't have anything to sell that is worth anything. I also don't have anything LEFT, that I can't do with out. So....Where does that leave me?

With a VERY sad, and upset wife...and no way to make her feel better. FML

SourGirl

09-20-2011, 03:37 AM

Are you sure it wasn't just an accounting error? Have you talked to the payroll person about it? Of course it's upsetting, but it seems a bit rash to just assume you were being screwed on purpose, and to up and leave. I hope you pursue them for the money you are owed!!!

Even if it was an accounting error, most shops would take their own sweet time, paying what is owed. Flat-rate guys get stuck like this sometimes. Most of the journeyman trades know this, and find another job. Hence,..'journeymen' ;)

*****

TL how soon does she need to take the test ? Is this something that is offered on a regular basis, or only once or twice a year ?

If you have some time,...relax, and see what comes up as far as options.

SNeacail

09-20-2011, 06:49 AM

TL I completely sympathize. This month we got hit with a $600 bill to repair some damage the husband did when he tried to change out the spark plugs on our ONLY car. As much as I wanted to lay blame, he didn't do it on purpose and we had no choice, but to pay for the repairs. Now we are a month behind on the utilities and another bill. Yesterday the bill for a speeding ticket arrives - it's double what it would have been just 2 years ago, $400 (happy anniversary). The stress alone is enough to send you into depression and I don't have the bipolar issue to add to the mess.

Give her a hug, appologize for being an ass and admit that you are freaking out about how to pay for everything and whatever else.

TL4everu2

09-20-2011, 10:53 AM

Even if it was an accounting error, most shops would take their own sweet time, paying what is owed. Flat-rate guys get stuck like this sometimes. Most of the journeyman trades know this, and find another job. Hence,..'journeymen' ;)

*****

TL how soon does she need to take the test ? Is this something that is offered on a regular basis, or only once or twice a year ?

If you have some time,...relax, and see what comes up as far as options.Her test can be taken whenever. However, I have one that I have two weeks in which to schedule and pay for...or I have to wait until the next window. Mine will wait.

nycindie

09-20-2011, 07:41 PM

Today, my wife took a VERY important test. I'm cycling through my depression stages again. Fucking bs. She failed her test. So I act like an insensitive idiot. I'm upset because the test costs $200.It's not your fault she failed the test, and it is understandable to be upset about the cost. Don't beat yourself up so much.

Her test can be taken whenever. However, I have one that I have two weeks in which to schedule and pay for...or I have to wait until the next window. Mine will wait.

Hmm, I don't see why yours should wait if she can take it anytime. Seems to me like it would be a better idea if she waited, so she has more time to study before taking it again, so she can make sure she passes this time.

TL4everu2

09-20-2011, 11:12 PM

Hmm, I don't see why yours should wait if she can take it anytime. Seems to me like it would be a better idea if she waited, so she has more time to study before taking it again, so she can make sure she passes this time.It actually makes more sense for her to take hers. She can't become employed until she passes it. And she stands to make $25 per hour, while I only make $9 per hour. HER test, is necissary, while mine is not. Mine only makes it possible for me to get a better position with another company....POSSIBLY. Hers, will make it possible for her to be employed. She has 3 job offers for as soon as she passes this test.

TL4everu2

09-24-2011, 07:03 PM

Ok....Kandy and I have been talking to a new couple we met on Myyearbook dot com. For some odd reason Kandy came up in the guy's match thing, so he sent her a message. It's odd, because we all have our settings set for matching people to us who live within 15 miles of us. They (this new cpl) lives about 60 miles from us. Weird. Anyway, his wife was going out on a date in our area, and he had been talking to Kandy for a couple weeks. He asked if he could meet up with her. She declined because his wife was not present, out of respect for his wife. He understood and told her no problem.

Well, he actually dropped off his wife, and then decided to go to the beach....Then he sent Kandy a text saying he was lost. So, we met up with him, and sat out and talked for about 4 hours. He's a really cool guy. Around 12:30am or so, he said he had to get a hotel, as his wife was not likely to be "done" on her date until later in the morning. So Kandy found him a hotel locally, and booked it for him. Then we led him to his hotel room......Where he checked in, and asked if we would like to come up for a bit to continue our conversation.....Well.....Yep...we went up. :rolleyes: Throughout this whole time, he had been receiving texts from his wife, and reading them to us. Apparently, her date was not going as hoped, but she told him to have fun with us......So....we did. :P

Afterward, Kandy and I bade him well, and hoped that we could meet his wife soon sometime, even if there was nothing sexual going on with her. He said he hoped so too. Kandy and I went home....and we got busy....He actually got a text from his wife to come pick her up as her date was now over......The time was now around 3:00am......No sooner than we finished, he sends us a text and asks if we would like to come over and play some more. Apparently, his wife spent all this time with this guy, and he was nothing like he portrayed online....plus, she was "fucking super horny and better get laid tonight!". LOL So....we were like..."uhhhh.....ok....be there in 15?" He told us to hurry up.....LOL We all pulled into the hotel around the same time. A little small talk ensued. I like his wife a lot. She has my personality. She's not what I usually look for looks wise, but she has some REALLY pretty eyes. So I expound on that. I really like the way she acts though. Now....The next time we met with them, I went to their house with Kandy, to fix one of their cars. We didn't play at all, but we did flirt a bit and figured out that they are NOT looking for just a one time thing, and are NOT "swingers". They would like to build a relationship with someone. We have refrained from using the "p-word", as it tends to scare people off. :rolleyes: We told them we are exclusive with couples we choose to get together with, and appreciate them being the same way with us. They said they agree, and liked that idea. :D

Tonight, we are going to winghouse in their town (Lakeland, Fl.....we live in Clearwater, Fl) and watching the UFC fights. (I am calling them Boogie and Tabi-cat) I told Kandy that since Tabi-cat's playground is closed, if she (kandy) and Boogie got bored at the fights and wanted to go back to the house for a while, that was fine with me. Kandy said she would think about it, and if things went that way, then they did. :)

So, there you have it folks.......Are we "dating" them? Not sure yet.....But we ARE trying to build a relationship with them. They are also gypsy's, like us. Kandy got upset the other day and told Tabi-cat that she wanted to move out of Florida. Tabi-cat said that if we decided to move, to let her know, and they would move with us. :O What? Interesting.........

Jade

09-24-2011, 10:16 PM

Be careful of those who are quick to attach. They sometimes have difficulty putting real effort into maintenance once they've reeled you in. Good luck!

NeonKaos

09-24-2011, 10:33 PM

Be careful of those who are quick to attach. They sometimes have difficulty putting real effort into maintenance once they've reeled you in. Good luck!

I was gonna say something similar. People who want to move in with you or run away with you after two dates usually have um, "issues" in the head and elsewhere.

and it's "gypsies" not "gypsy's" the way you used it.

TL4everu2

09-26-2011, 06:04 PM

I was gonna say something similar. People who want to move in with you or run away with you after two dates usually have um, "issues" in the head and elsewhere.

and it's "gypsies" not "gypsy's" the way you used it.Yes, I know about "gypsies" vs. "gypsy's". Sometimes, grammar eludes me. LOL

As for Tabi-cat, and Boogie, Kandy and I know about the pitfalls and "issues" already. ;) Been there...done that...a couple times now. Don't really wanna do it again. We are content keeping it the way it is for now. ;)

Good news time: Went over to Tabi-cat and Boogies house on Saturday night. Well, actually, went to their town, and watched the fights with them at Winghouse....Then after the fights, went to a bar to play some pool and for Tabi-cat to sing some karaoke. She wasn't bad. Some drunk guy tried to start a fight with me, but then I stood up....He looked up at me and swallowed.....I pointed to his chair at the bar and said "Why don't you just go sit over there.". LOL He said "Ok"....and turned around and went to sit down. LOL Fight avoided.

Then we went back to Tabi-cat and Boogies house. Where my wife and I enjoyed some time with Tabi-cat and Boogie. It was fun and flirty. Just the way I like it. Throughout the night, we made small trips out and about with the other spouse alone. (i.e. me and Tabi-cat in my car, and Kandy and Boogie in his car) It was nice. No-one was pressured or felt out of place. Just a relaxing evening.

Bad news time.......

I just got fired. :( I'm the only one in the house with a job...and I just got fired from it. :( Now...do I let it get me down? I don't have time for that. I have to get more $$$ coming in. I'll feel sorry for myself later.

So on that note......Time to look for a job or some people who need their car fixed.

Magdlyn

09-26-2011, 09:18 PM

NeonKaos

09-26-2011, 10:34 PM

Sorry to hear you lost your job. Money sucks, but no money sucks worse :(

TL4everu2

09-27-2011, 02:36 AM

Glad you finally found a woman willing to watch the fights.

And that drunk guy. Glad he was shorter than you and easily intimidated. With your bad back he could've probably broken you in half like a toothpick with a couple punches.;)

A Florida road house... gator on the menu and the bullfrogs whose legs will be tomorrow night's special croaking in the swamp out back.Mags, I not only have a bad back, but I also have a blown knee. I tore my LCL in training about a month and a half ago. It's not better yet. However, trust me, I can still pull some things out of my bag-o-tricks. ;)

Tabi-cat LOVES the fights. And her hubby does too. They are really cool. The only issue that Kandy and I have, is that they both smoke. :( And we don't. Well, we can live with it, as they are pretty respectful about it. We don't gripe about it, but have let them know we don't smoke....anything....and they smoke pot too. So....yeah.....BUT....For Kandy and I, we feel that smoking pot is their choice even if it's not ours. We also feel that pot is something that should be legalized even though we don't smoke it. So....yeah.;)

We're trying to plan out next weekend with them in our town. We're thinking about going kayaking and possibly camping afterward or a hotel.

TL4everu2

10-01-2011, 02:23 PM

Yay! Tabi-cat and Boogie are coming over to our town tonight! :D We are planning on going out to a karaoke bar, and possibly play some pool. We are also planning on going out to dinner and messing with the waitress. hehe!

NeonKaos

10-01-2011, 06:48 PM

We are also planning on going out to dinner and messing with the waitress. hehe!

Do you know the waitress?

If you plan on "messing" with her, you better leave at least 25% tip. Servers put up with enough shit without people deliberately "messing" with them. Also, she may not even notice or give a crap, but you should still tip generously if you plan on using her for your little self-entertainment caper.

TL4everu2

10-01-2011, 08:07 PM

NeonKaos

10-01-2011, 08:51 PM

Neon, I ALWAYS leave a generous tip. Example-last time I was at winghouse for the fights, our bill was only $16. I left a $15 tip.

I dont know the waitress at all, but if she's a sport, it could be very profitable. ;) if not, she will still get a decent tip provided the service is decent. I used to be a server years ago. So I understand.

Grooovy!

Here's a blog you might like:

http://thebitchywaiter.blogspot.com/

(I am a little hyper-sensitive to people treating servers with respect because my 19 year old cousin recently started waiting tables and she is not the most "street-savvy" person I've known of at her age, so I'm imagining you "messing" with her and it doesn't make me feel - how would River say - "charitable".)

nycindie

10-01-2011, 11:07 PM

Tabi-cat and Boogie . . .

Every time I see your name for this guy, I think of Booger from Revenge of the Nerds.

TL4everu2

10-01-2011, 11:18 PM

Jade

10-02-2011, 03:03 AM

The quad in the restaurant game. I know it well.

Magdlyn

10-02-2011, 01:34 PM

Neon, I wasn't meaning anything too mean. We were thinking just show up with our spouses, kissing on our spouses. Then, my wife goes outside with tabi-cats hubby, and tabi-cat and I get all kissy kissy in front of the waitress and give her a shhhh thing. LoL then, when our spouses come back, shower them with affection. I suspect the waitress will play along or just not care. I'm not mean. ;-)

You'd actually plan something like that? To confuse the waitress who's just trying to make a buck on a busy Saturday night?

Oh, 2 mono couples out on a date.
Uh oh, one from each couple goes outside and the other 2 cheat and give me the shh sign.
Oh, the other 2 are back and the cheaters go back to being with their spouses.

So... if the waitress notices, she sees cheaters.

Why involve a 5th party, and make her think you're cheating on your wife? Sounds kinda cheesy to me. Why not just kiss both women, and Kandy kisses both men, and let the waitress think you're swingers or poly, which is the truth?

Hell, if you really want to be confusing the waitress, why don't you kiss Boogie? :rolleyes:

TL4everu2

10-02-2011, 01:37 PM

Wow.....what a fiasco...... More later.

NeonKaos

10-02-2011, 02:47 PM

tHis reminds me of a thread on the FB PFAO group about showing affection in public because it's what you'd normally do and don't care what other people think, versus putting on a show for other people's benefit.

If I were the waitress in the above scenario, I'd want tell you the location of the nearest cheap motel that rents rooms by the half-hour, but I imagine that would ruin my tip. I'm glad I'm not a server because I hear they put up with a lot of nonsense that has nothing to do with the reason why people go to a restaurant - to eat food, presumably.

Magdlyn

10-02-2011, 03:19 PM

I'm glad I'm not a server because I hear they put up with a lot of nonsense that has nothing to do with the reason why people go to a restaurant - to eat food, presumably.

Well, if this place they went to is a Hooters type place, I guess messing with/flirting with the waitresses is expected. Poor girls.

but I am thinking this date didnt go well for TL for other reasons...

TL4everu2

10-02-2011, 05:25 PM

Hell, if you really want to be confusing the waitress, why don't you kiss Boogie? It was all in good fun. We never got around to it anyway. Boogie and I routinely screwed around like that anyway.I'm not bi or gay though, so it was a bit difficult sometimes. ;)

tHis reminds me of a thread on the FB PFAO group about showing affection in public because it's what you'd normally do and don't care what other people think, versus putting on a show for other people's benefit.

If I were the waitress in the above scenario, I'd want tell you the location of the nearest cheap motel that rents rooms by the half-hour, but I imagine that would ruin my tip. I'm glad I'm not a server because I hear they put up with a lot of nonsense that has nothing to do with the reason why people go to a restaurant - to eat food, presumably.With me, it wouldn't ruin your tip, but it WOULD let me know that you were not gonna play along. So I would stop. ;)

Well, if this place they went to is a Hooters type place, I guess messing with/flirting with the waitresses is expected. Poor girls.

but I am thinking this date didnt go well for TL for other reasons...We usually end up going to Winghouse, which is similar to Hooters, but a bit classier IMO. And I NEVER messed with the waitresses TOO badly. They always play along anyway. But I'm NEVER degrading to them.....EVER.

Mags is correct. The "date" went poorly, and the relationship is not salvageable. :rolleyes:

We have all played together in the past, and it went well before. However, last night, EVERYTHING seemed off. I should have known before we all paid for the hotel or had anyone book it.

Tabi-cat and Boogie were an hour and a half late getting out of their house. They blamed it on the sitter. No problem. Totally understandable.

As soon as they showed up, Tabi-cat had to "go pee, and turned around and left the building because we warned her about how dirty the restrooms were. They actually drove off and came back about 15 minutes later.

We go to the hotel and check in.....Tabi-cat is in my car, and Kandy is in Boogies car. Conversation is strained at best....and completely silent at worst. Tabi-cat used her mother-in-law's employee discount to get the room a bit cheaper.

We all arrive at the hotel together and go up to the room. Kandy decides to have a drink before we go out. We all pile into Boogies car, and head out to a karaoke bar. Tabi-cat LOVES to sing...and she's pretty decent at it. Not American Idol good...but decent and better than the usual drunks. LOL

While in the car, I commit a foul by putting my hand in Tabi-cat's crotch. Only a foul between Kandy and myself, Tabi-cat was ok with it.

Kandy gets upset with me and lets me know.

I become reclusive.

We all arrive to the bar where we just kinda hang out and play a few games of pool. Which, apparently, I am WAY better at when I'm pissed off. I run the table a couple times until I loosen up. Then I begin to loose to the women again.

Tabi-cat is flirting with both Boogie and me...as is Kandy. Boogie is eating it up and flirting back. I'm not really "in the mood" and still stand off. The bar patrons are all raising an eyebrow toward their antics.

Around 2am, Tabi-cat is done singing, and is now "horny and wants to get laid"..... Interesting....

By this time, Boogie has smoked a couple hits of 420.....Not MY thing, but eh...Whatever.

We return to the hotel and we all sit around talking for a few....Then....Boogie and Tabi-cat go downstairs to "smoke". This is usually code for "Boogie wants to get high".......They go downstairs....Kandy and I wait about 15 minutes and go looking for them. We find them at the pool area. We all sit around while they smoke and boogie gets high. :rolleyes:

Then, we return to the room. There are two queen sized beds....Me and Tabi-cat take one, and Boogie and Kandy take the other. Things become sexual......Suddenly, Boogie gets up and heads to the bathroom. Kandy is visibly pissed. (Even in the dark room, I can hear her seething) Noticing how upset Kandy is, Tabi-cat and I stop, and try to figure out WTF is going on. Apparently, Boogie can't get it up.....and is complaining of heartburn. :rolleyes: Believable......but....there is obviously more to it as he and Tabi-cat get dressed and go downstairs for him to "smoke". Kandy and I are left in the room.....

Now, keep in mind, that Boogie and Kandy have been together before, so it's nothing new to him.

Kandy and I go searching for them after like 15-20 minutes. They are poolside talking to some 23y/o guy. Kandy and I are ready to leave. We are done with the games and the obvious lack of attraction by Boogie. We tell them we need to talk to them privately. We explain to them that it's obviously not working, so we're going home. They make excuses.......We buy into them. We all head back up to the room together. We are in bed with our respective spouses. Things get sexual. Boogie is still unable to perform. Kandy and I get off, and calm down. Boogie and Tabi-cat keep playing and fighting an uphill battle. Finally, Boogie goes to the bathroom and Tabi-cat acts upset. The lights are off, so Kandy and I lay dwon and try to sleep....Boogie comes back in, and lays down next to Tabi-cat. We hear him whisper to her that they are "not going over to their house tomorrow". :eek: Okayyyy.....Well, that WAS the plan....Kandy and I just lay there. He obviously thinks we are asleep. Then, he and Tabi-cat start getting sexual...VERY quietly. Amazingly, he is able to perform now. :rolleyes:

Kandy whispers to me "lets go". We just lay there and eventually fall asleep.

This morning, Tabi-cat wakes up before everyone else and goes downstairs for a smoke by herself. Kandy and I wake up, and go downstairs for breakfast. Breakfast is over at the hotel, so we all return to the room empty handed.

I avoid eye contact with anyone by burying my head in my phone. Tabi-cat has to go back to the front desk to get another room key, because they were only given one on check in, and none of us grabbed it when we left....and Boogie won't wake up to our knocks/pounding on the door.

We get in the room and wake up Boogie. After we all sit and watch TV for an hour or so....virtually silently....we all decide that we will go for coffee and then on to Kandy and my place.

We check out.

We get to Starbucks, and Kandy realizes that she has lost her ID sometime during the night......So she tries to call the hotel to see if they have found it or if they could look for it. They say they will look for it and to call back in 5 minutes or so. She calls back like 5 minutes later and they say they did NOT find it. :(

Kandy hangs up, and gets upset. She tells me that we need to go back to the hotel, because she doesn't trust them to look for it hard enough.

Now it all comes to a head.

Tabi-cat looks at her and says that Boogies mom works for the company, and Kandy better not go there and be mean and nasty to them. Kandy says she wasn't going to be, and asks when she was "mean and nasty".

I keep my head buried in my phone.

Tabi-cat tells her she's been mean and nasty several times throughout the night...even to me. :confused:

Personally, I didn't get anything I didn't deserve.....in the form of nastyness that is. :p

Kandy is livid and storms to the car telling Tabi-cat to FuCk-OFF. Tabi-cat say's "Fu*k you" to Kandy. Kandy tells Tabi-cat "No thanks. I wouldn't want to with you"......Tabi-cat says something else that I can't hear, and both women get in their respective husbands cars.

I get up....walk over to my car...Boogie is getting in his car. I tell him "Drive safe". He says "Yep...you too".

We both drive back to the hotel to try to search for the missing ID.

The women stay in the cars, and Boogie and I head up to the room to look for the missing ID. It is not found.

We go back down stairs. He and I shake hands. He apologizes for his lack of "performance" the previous night. I tell him "Whatever". I again tell him to drive safe.

We part ways.

Kandy and I have since blocked them from our profiles on the site we all met on.

Not really sure if this thing will ever work for us again. We had our run...we missed the train...boat...bus...whatever it was that took all the poly people....and now we are simply here. So... Fortunately, no real "emotions" were involved, and therefore, no-one is really "brokenhearted".

I'm going to the beach today. Anyone else wanna go? JUST AS FRIENDS

BrigidsDaughter

10-02-2011, 05:52 PM

Wow!! I'm sorry that things turned out that way LT. I don't know why people have to lie or fake being into the sexual stuff. We're all adults here. I'm sure if they told you they just wanted to be friends, watch the fights and hang out, you'd have been cool with it. Though I wonder if the 420 played a part in his ED and if he was blaming Kandy for his inability to get it up. Maybe he was starting to sober up when he and the wife went at it.... idk. People can be jerks. *platonic hugs* It's 47 degrees here in NY so the beach sounds nice.

NeonKaos

10-02-2011, 07:44 PM

Hey - just skimming over that leads me to my usual judgmental conclusion(s) when it comes to situations I know nothing about.

What I feel about it is - these folks have some THING going on in their own relationship where they have a need to draw other people in and act out. Kind of like what you were planning to do with the server, only more "sinister" (perhaps "sinister" is too strong of a word because it suggests malice, which may or may not be present).

I get the sense that you and Kandy are just looking for a good time and you keep getting stuck with people who have a ton of issues to work on, only to the other people, they don't see them as "issues needing to be worked on".

Kudos to you for relaxing your high standards and giving these people a chance even though they smoke. I am sorry it ended in such fantastic weirdness. I hope the ID wasn't stolen, just lost; ID's can be replaced.

TL4everu2

10-04-2011, 11:20 PM

I honestly thought I would get blasted for some strange reason. Nice surprise. I told Kandy today, that in a marriage, ppl try to repair hurt feelings and also make up after a fight. She is still too pissed.

NeonKaos

10-04-2011, 11:27 PM

Did she find the ID or not?

TL4everu2

10-05-2011, 02:14 AM

Did she find the ID or not?Yes. It was in our luggage bag. :rolleyes:

NeonKaos

10-05-2011, 02:26 AM

Yes. It was in our luggage bag. :rolleyes:

Grooovy. The paranoid conspiracist in me was wondering if those people kept it so they would have a passive-aggressive excuse to see you guys again.

SourGirl

10-05-2011, 02:59 AM

I am sorry this happened to you TL. Sounds like you guys did the best you could do, in a strained situation. It`s no fun for anyone, on any side when things get awkward. :( It happens to the best of us.

My first thought reading the story was : ' Tabi and Boogie had a argument before they got there.' Just a hunch. Which is in line with what NK said.
Things were not settled between them and they faltered. Even more then that, I fetch the same guess, that they are looking for some 'fun' for very shakey reasons.

I come to that theory from both sides of the situation. I can remember back to situations where Mr.Sour and I had a argument, and then trying to figure out where to go from there, when plans had already been made. UGH. :rolleyes:

I also remember times where we could tell when another couple was feeling strained, and we hadn`t a fricken clue how to relax the situation.

It tends to be something that works out with experience.....you let people own their own shit. Imma fan of beating the tar out of the elephant in the room, when need be. :p Or calling it quits, letting people sleep on it, then talking later.

nycindie

10-05-2011, 03:36 AM

My first thought reading the story was : ' Tabi and Boogie had a argument before they got there.' Just a hunch.

Oh, definitely. They were late because they were fighting and it sounds like they couldn't let go of it when they were with you guys. I think you both got caught up in the adversarial atmosphere they had going on between the two of them (like, would Kandi normally have gotten upset when you put your hand on Tabi's crotch? I don't think so, from how you've described being with them before). Tempers were probably high, and not being acknowledged, and you both got swept up in the rapids of their bullshit, so to speak.

It's hard to be around people who are mad at each other. You were trying to be good sports, but personally, I would've left when they disappeared to go smoke and didn't come back for 15 minutes. Had to go look for them - who needs that bullshit? They sounded rather immature, but there was drinking and getting stoned going on, so that probably had to do with how Tabi started arguing with Kandy.

What a mess, heh. Oh well, fun while it lasted.

TL4everu2

10-05-2011, 02:41 PM

Funny, Kandy and I thought EXACTLY the same thing about them having an argument beforehand. We DO know tha about a week prior, boogie threw his $400 phone in the lake because they were arguing. An argument that Tabi-cat said they never talked out. :/

As for aassive agressive way to contact us... Well, we borrowed their weedearer about a week prior. They were supposed to come over after the hotel caper, to pick it up...... They never made it over, so we still have it. Uggh! But if they call, I will be civil and meet them at a 1/2 way point.

Kandy told me thay she has mo desire to talk to them again, but if I did, it was my decision and on me.

NeonKaos

10-05-2011, 03:14 PM

LOL, and remember these people were ready to run away with you if you moved out-of-state.

TL4everu2

10-05-2011, 03:32 PM

LOL, and remember these people were ready to run away with you if you moved out-of-state.lol *shudder* Scarrrry! This IS October, and holloween and all... But thats just TOO much! LoL

TL4everu2

10-06-2011, 12:24 AM

Wow...I just looked at my facebook page tonight. A week or so ago, I sent Tabi-cat a friend request.....8 hours ago, she accepted that friend request. :rolleyes: Needless to say, as soon as I saw it, I deleted the friendship on there.

I imediatly told Kandy about it....Somehow, I'm still a bad guy. :confused:

I can't win for loosing.

Sometimes, I really wish I did just HALF of the shit I was ACCUSED of doing. At least then, I would be able to enjoy the bad things I get punished for and the punishment would be WORTH it. :rolleyes:

LT4everu2

10-06-2011, 12:21 PM

I was not mad, I am sick and he took it the wrong way. I get grouchie when I am sick.

Sorry Honey I didnt want you to feel like the bad guy here cause you are not!

Magdlyn

10-06-2011, 11:09 PM

I don't understand why Kandy got mad when you put your hand in Tabi's crotch. And I don't get your being withdrawn all night after that.

If Boogie just wasn't in the mood for sex, couldn't you all have just talked about it instead of screaming Fuck You all over the place? :(

LT4everu2

10-07-2011, 02:34 AM

I know I am not on here much, but I have to stand up here and say my peace.
Magdlyn we have a rule on this type of activity, he crossed it. SO I guess it is ok to break rules in your book, well it is not in mine.
Also it is alot more then the sex, it was the whole not talking. And wanting to talk to some stranger and ignore us (leaving us in the room) the ones they were out with.
And we did talk to them about it. The whole thing blew up the next morning not that night, over something that had nothing to do with sex.
Not to metion that this is a 2 way realationship, they have not reached out to us. As for the facebook add, she said in the past that she will ok all request for friendship, so I think she didnt even realize who it was and she could have sent an email and didnt.

TL4everu2

10-07-2011, 02:45 AM

I don't understand why Kandy got mad when you put your hand in Tabi's crotch. Because it is one of our rule things. And I don't get your being withdrawn all night after that. When a person gets scolded in front of their friends or playmates, it is embarrassing. So, I was reclusive because of embarrassment and anger.

If Boogie just wasn't in the mood for sex, couldn't you all have just talked about it instead of screaming Fuck You all over the place? :(Oh, Boogie was in the mood for sex, just not with Kandy. Which was frustrating, because he was portraying that he WAS in the mood for sex with Kandy. And the yelling was between Kandy and Tabi-cat the next morning. Both of them were frustrated. Tabi-cat (I think) was frustrated with Boogie for generally being an ass and getting so high that he couldn't perform. And Kandy was frustrated with Tabi-cat AND Boogie, for both being secretive and taking off and hiding out to talk to a new conquest down by the pool, rather than spending the time they had allotted to us.

I wasn't frustrated, because I had already disconnected earlier, and had a lack of care in the whole matter, so to speak.

For me....It was truely tough to kiss Tabi-cat. The reason? Because of the smoking and the taste of the smoke/nicotein or whatever the taste in a smokers mouth is. I can't stand it. An inability to enjoy a kiss with a woman, for me, is a deal breaker.

nycindie

10-07-2011, 03:34 AM

Magdlyn we have a rule on this type of activity, he crossed it. SO I guess it is ok to break rules in your book, well it is not in mine.I wondered about that too. I don't think you need to get defensive, since nobody else here knew that was a rule you have! I mean, if two couples are getting together to fuck each other, how would anyone of us know that he wasn't allowed to touch her crotch? Eventually, he would have to touch her there, I would think, LOL. I figured you just bitched at him about it because you got caught up in the tension between the other two. I'm sure the atmosphere was tough to be in, if they were fighting, even silently. It seems odd that he couldn't touch her, given the reason you all were there that night, LOL! -- but whatever, now we understand what happened! Still TL, no reason to retreat and sulk for so long. It seems that didn't help.

Well, anyway, that couple seems a bit childish. At least you found out what they were like sooner rather than later. Like I said earlier, I don't know why you two stayed as long as you did. I would have split way earlier in the evening, after the first bit of drama.

Magdlyn

10-07-2011, 10:45 AM

I know I am not on here much, but I have to stand up here and say my peace.
Magdlyn we have a rule on this type of activity, he crossed it. SO I guess it is ok to break rules in your book, well it is not in mine.

My goodness, all I said was, I didn't understand! I feel hurt you'd say I am in favor of breaking agreed upon rules! As Cindie said, there was nothing in TL's post that indicated there was a rule around crotch grabbing. I don't know what this rule for? After all, I know he'd had sex with her before, and his penis had been in her vagina, so why not his hand?

What is the rule? No sexual or affectionate touching unless you're actually naked in bed together? Didn't you once hump a guy in the ocean? :p

Also it is alot more then the sex, it was the whole not talking. And wanting to talk to some stranger and ignore us (leaving us in the room) the ones they were out with.

Yeah, you and TL were understandably upset, but I just have a thing about screaming fuck you as a way to get feelings across.

Because it is one of our rule things. When a person gets scolded in front of their friends or playmates, it is embarrassing. So, I was reclusive because of embarrassment and anger.

OK. I do think that Tabi and Boogie acted weirdly much of the night, and that's on them. But maybe your sulky behavior added to the mess?

Oh, Boogie was in the mood for sex, just not with Kandy. Which was frustrating, because he was portraying that he WAS in the mood for sex with Kandy.

Yes, all that happy flirting when you were playing pool... But he must have felt conflicted for one reason or another...

And the yelling was between Kandy and Tabi-cat the next morning. Both of them were frustrated. Tabi-cat (I think) was frustrated with Boogie for generally being an ass and getting so high that he couldn't perform. And Kandy was frustrated with Tabi-cat AND Boogie, for both being secretive and taking off and hiding out to talk to a new conquest down by the pool, rather than spending the time they had allotted to us.

Perhaps Tabi and Boogie were hurt, confused or embarrassed by the crotch grabbing and the scolding and your subsequent anger and sulky un-flirty behavior as well?

Like me, they didn't know you and Kandy have some kind of rule about crotch grabbing in a car. I'm just trying to understand.