Is masturbation sex? [Archive] - Polyamory.com Forum

clairegoad

07-05-2010, 03:45 PM

I could easily argue for either position..

Yes, it is sex... physically, touching & pleasuring one's self. Without it, life is less pleasant.

No, it isn't sex.. without a partner, I lose the feedback and challenges and differences, and excitement. There's no communication, no relationship, no interaction.

I've heard discussions in Conservative Christian Women's groups about whether masturbation is cheating. (I'll assume that discussion won't happen here.;))

I remember a "shocking" women's magazine article that "revealed" that married men pleasured themselves. (Redbook? Ladies Home Journal?)

Ariakas

07-05-2010, 05:21 PM

no...not for me...its relief...like peeing.

Putting my finger in my mouth isn't giving myself oral...

It probably can be...but it isn't for me. Sex includes another body in my world :D

foxflame88

07-05-2010, 06:10 PM

vandalin

07-05-2010, 08:23 PM

Sexually stimulating oneself in my book is still sex, whether it is done for the pleasure or just for the release. The basic end result is still the same, orgasm.

Ariakas

07-05-2010, 08:26 PM

Sexually stimulating oneself in my book is still sex, whether it is done for the pleasure or just for the release. The basic end result is still the same, orgasm.

Does cumming relate to orgasm to you everytime?...(honest question, not being sarcastic)

immaterial

07-05-2010, 08:46 PM

Magdlyn

07-06-2010, 03:18 AM

I answered magical brownies. The reason: I am waking up to a reality for myself where everything is sex. Everything. This is an insight that is deeply spiritual for me and may or may not last. It does not seem a particularly manageable way to live my life. haha.

Immaterial

Heh.

I look forward to many more opinions/votes. I won't share the results of my irl poll yet, or my own opinion, as I don't want to influence anyone.

vandalin

07-06-2010, 04:41 AM

Does cumming relate to orgasm to you everytime?...(honest question, not being sarcastic)

Maybe it's my Vanillaness or a definition thing, but I was under the impression that cumming and orgasm were the same, just different names. Do please share your thoughts on the subject. I'm always interested in learning new things and broadening my horizons. (honest request, no sarcasm either) ;)

solarwindsfly

07-06-2010, 05:10 AM

I voted no because of my own personal experiences. I am not meaning to get deep or creepy here. I was abused as a kid and so if masterbation is sex then I had sex since I was around two or three. So I voted no because thats just wrong. I would never say that I had sex that early willingly. As for now... sex on first thought doesnt go into my thoughts as done alone. Although when you say masterbation it seems to me most people go to being alone. This is just my own thoughts about what i've learned from others and myself :) So sex needs intimacy with another person in my book :)

Ariakas

07-06-2010, 05:13 AM

Maybe it's my Vanillaness or a definition thing, but I was under the impression that cumming and orgasm were the same, just different names. Do please share your thoughts on the subject. I'm always interested in learning new things and broadening my horizons. (honest request, no sarcasm either) ;)

Maybe I am separating the term for my own use. But personally I can cum...which is like peeing. It happens, I am dont, "take it and go"...

I orgasm and its a totally different effect and use. Its not just a functional release of "something"...its an experience :)

For me they feel and react totally differently in my body.

vandalin

07-06-2010, 05:33 AM

Maybe I am separating the term for my own use. But personally I can cum...which is like peeing. It happens, I am dont, "take it and go"...

I orgasm and its a totally different effect and use. Its not just a functional release of "something"...its an experience :)

For me they feel and react totally differently in my body.

Maybe it is partially a definition thing and maybe a gender thing. Perhaps cumming and orgasm are different for men then for women. Anyone else wish to weigh in on the subject?

Although thinking about your answer, still doesn't change my reasoning...which perhaps I wasn't clear on. If Sex was the name of a book with all of the different acts as chapters, Masturbation would be a chapter, no matter the reason or feeling associated with the act. Functionally, it is sex.

Now if you wanted to separate sex into the idea of sex and fucking as two totally different things, then there would probably be a reassignment of chapters or at least what is included in those chapters.

Sorry if this seems meandering, my mind is not all there.

MonoVCPHG

07-06-2010, 06:39 AM

I consider sex a form of communication which includes the generation of energy. Seeing how I feel more energy when I am alone than when I had casual sex, I guess for me masturbation is sex. I guess that also means the sex I had with those people was actually less than sex...it was an experiment....nice thread, gets you thinking :)

Ariakas

07-06-2010, 01:51 PM

Now if you wanted to separate sex into the idea of sex and fucking as two totally different things, then there would probably be a reassignment of chapters or at least what is included in those chapters.

too literal. In my first response I also said I require a person there for me to consider it sex.

Cumming is a function of biology
Orgasm is a relationship building exercise :D

Magdlyn

07-07-2010, 02:54 AM

OK, I was wondering if it was a gender thing. I was shocked recently to have 2 male friends tell me they didnt consider jerking off to be sex.

And then I asked a couple other men and got the same response.

I've always considered jilling off as sex- sex with myself. Sometimes it's a quickie, but I really like a nice 1 1/2 hr session when the mood strikes, using toys, lovely fantasies, maybe watch a little porn or read erotica first.

But as per my wonderings about intact vs circed men, maybe the orgasm a guy usually gives himself is just like a sneeze.

Do men need a partner to have it feel like sex? Do any women out there get what I am saying about having an event session, not just a quickie, when having self pleasure?

SourGirl

07-07-2010, 04:21 AM

For myself ;

- If I am masterbating without fantasy, it is not sex.

- If I masterbate with fantasy, it is sex.

I`m a happy self-a-sexual. :D

foxflame88

07-07-2010, 04:47 AM

OK, I was wondering if it was a gender thing.... Do men need a partner to have it feel like sex? Do any women out there get what I am saying about having an event session, not just a quickie, when having self pleasure?

I'm not a man, I need a partner for it to feel like sex. I do however have "event" sessions sometimes... but it still isn't sex to me if I am alone.

Ariakas

07-07-2010, 05:09 AM

But as per my wonderings about intact vs circed men, maybe the orgasm a guy usually gives himself is just like a sneeze.

What exactly are you wondering? :)

Mendalla

07-08-2010, 07:32 PM

Male and no, but I'm really still debating it because it's a question I've never thought of before. Maybe it is sex, but a different kind than I get with a partner. All I know is that masturbating leaves me feeling different than sex with my partner. Jacking off can be as or more physically intense, but the latter almost always leaves me more satisfied unless the masturbation involved a really good, vivid fantasy.

Mendalla

sdguy

07-08-2010, 07:44 PM

no...not for me...its relief...like peeing.

Putting my finger in my mouth isn't giving myself oral...

It probably can be...but it isn't for me. Sex includes another body in my world :D

This is probably the best explination for me as well.. Without the interaction of another person it is more of a bodily function (one of relief) than an act of sex.

immaterial

07-08-2010, 08:12 PM

This is a very interesting thread. I wish there were more responses. I really think it is a very odd topic. Where does sex begin? I've known folks who actually believe sucking cock is not sex. Anal penetration by a penis is not sex. Handjobs are not sex. Giving oneself a handjob is not sex. Etc.

Then there are those who seem to think these behaviors are sex, but they don't constitute a breaking of commitment.

I used to go to erotic massage places and get handjobs. I did this when I was in "committed monogamous relationships." I think part of my rationale was that it wasn't sex. How convenient! Really, it doesn't matter what label I put on a behavior. It's about open, honest, ethical communication.

Lots of trouble with one of my sig others started when she "caught" me masturbating. I thought she had left the house and I was getting off and she heard me. (I can be kind of loud). For her, it was real betrayal. For me, it was a source of deep resentment, a feeling I had no privacy in my own home. These sorts of collisions are the stuff of relationship catastrophe. She gets to feel betrayed by my autoerotic sex life and I get to feel pissed off at her for violating my privacy. Ugh.

If I look at porn and get turned on, is that betrayal? If I fuck someone else but think about you the entire time, dear, is that commitment? :-)

Immaterial

Ariakas

07-08-2010, 08:34 PM

This is a very interesting thread. I wish there were more responses. I really think it is a very odd topic. Where does sex begin? I've known folks who actually believe sucking cock is not sex. Anal penetration by a penis is not sex. Handjobs are not sex. Giving oneself a handjob is not sex. Etc.

I see this too, however usually from younger people. Sex for me is black and white simple. Masturbation is not, with a partner it is. I have gone weekends without intercourse but had lots of sex. intercourse is part of sex, but sex does not require intercourse. In my little world, it is simple.

The rest of your list gets into commitment which is different for every partnership.

Honestly, for me this is simply too, if you do something behind the back of your partner, that is sexual and you know it won't be an approved act, you are cheating. If you are with someone who views masturbation as cheating...then it is cheating. Do I agree, no, but you are in a partnership agreement with someone who is really strict sexually.

ps, you might want to start renegotiating QUICKLY if thats actually the case. :P

Magdlyn

07-08-2010, 08:42 PM

This is a very interesting thread. I wish there were more responses.

Me too! Thank you for responding.

I really think it is a very odd topic. Where does sex begin? I've known folks who actually believe sucking cock is not sex. Anal penetration by a penis is not sex. Handjobs are not sex. Giving oneself a handjob is not sex. Etc.

Maybe it goes back to Bill Clinton and all the abstinence sex ed classes?

Anything but full intercourse w your partner is not sex? and we'll then take advantage of that loophole?

Then there are those who seem to think these behaviors are sex, but they don't constitute a breaking of commitment.

I used to go to erotic massage places and get handjobs. I did this when I was in "committed monogamous relationships." I think part of my rationale was that it wasn't sex. How convenient!

There's that loophole.
Really, it doesn't matter what label I put on a behavior. It's about open, honest, ethical communication.

Lots of trouble with one of my sig others started when she "caught" me masturbating. I thought she had left the house and I was getting off and she heard me. (I can be kind of loud). For her, it was real betrayal. For me, it was a source of deep resentment, a feeling I had no privacy in my own home. These sorts of collisions are the stuff of relationship catastrophe. She gets to feel betrayed by my autoerotic sex life and I get to feel pissed off at her for violating my privacy. Ugh.

Oh man. I have to say, my ex-h and I had somewhat similar issues. Masturbation is shameful and shouldnt be necessary when youre in a relationship?

Bullshit, I say. Sometimes one just wants self pleasure and not the whole song and dance w a partner. No matter how good the sex is with them.

If I look at porn and get turned on, is that betrayal?

Not in my book!

If I fuck someone else but think about you the entire time, dear, is that commitment? :-)

Immaterial

Magdlyn

07-08-2010, 08:46 PM

What exactly are you wondering? :)

Just wondering if the Os a circed guy gets are so underwhelming, esp when jerking off quickly, he doesnt count it as sex.

I guess then, if one jerked off next to a partner who was also jerking or jilling off, it would be sex?

BTW, I never jill off without a fantasy or 3 in my head. They used to be elaborate made up things, but since I've been dating the last cpl yrs, I usually think of the last time I did have sex w a partner... or the last few times, with this or that person.

Ariakas

07-08-2010, 08:58 PM

Just wondering if the Os a circed guy gets are so underwhelming, esp when jerking off quickly, he doesnt count it as sex.

I guess then, if one jerked off next to a partner who was also jerking or jilling off, it would be sex?

BTW, I never jill off without a fantasy or 3 in my head. They used to be elaborate made up things, but since I've been dating the last cpl yrs, I usually think of the last time I did have sex w a partner... or the last few times, with this or that person.

I am uncut, exceptionally sensitive and ... well ya I will leave it there tmi...Masturbation isn't sex :)...

I can sometimes do it without a fantasy, sometimes it a stiff breeze. Self pleasure is rarely actually erotic for me. Most of the time it is nothing more than a bodily function. I also arouse really easily and often...so it could be that. Who knows.

I wonder if my opinion would change if I had an extended period without sex. I haven't gone 1 month without sex since I was 17...I am not even sure I want to try ahhaa

sdguy

07-08-2010, 09:23 PM

I can sometimes do it without a fantasy, sometimes it a stiff breeze. Self pleasure is rarely actually erotic for me. Most of the time it is nothing more than a bodily function. I also arouse really easily and often...so it could be that. Who knows.

I see it a lot in the same way. It often is not about eroticism as much as function. Sometimes it is for relief, or boredom, or just because I felt like it. Now don't get me wrong, there are definitely times it is erotic, or there is fantasy involved, but it still isn't sex in my book.

RGee91

07-08-2010, 09:34 PM

Well I answerred Magical Brownies (I wanted ever so badly to answer "Male" and "No" but those darn magical brownies wouldn't stop calling my name lol) :cool:

This is actually a good topic, it reminds me of a conversation I had with an ex a very long time ago, in which he was trying to convince me that if I loved him, we would be having sex :eek: which led me to ask myself "Why do so many people think the only way to 'make love' is to have sex?" I personally think that there are alot more ways to make love then simply sex... but I'm getting off topic :rolleyes:

Here's why I don't believe masturbation is sex, sex (in my opinion anyway) involves another person, now if you're masturbating with another person, or masturbating another person ;) then yes, that is sex. But self pleasure is simply that, self pleasure. If I scratch an itch, it feel's pleasurable to get rid of the bad feeling. If I get aroused and... take the measures necessary to calm the impending threat ;) then I'm also simply causing a pleasurable feeling by getting rid of another. To say solo masturbation is sex, at least to me, is the same as saying scratching an itch is sex, or as someone said earlier, putting my finger in my mouth would be giving myself oral.

While it is pleasurable, so is playing videogames... omg :eek: playing videogames is sex!!! lol jk

and to respond to an earlier discussion, the difference between orgasm and cumming (or as we say in memphis, "busting a nut" ;)) is that when you have an orgasm you feel it through your entire body, it's an amazing experience of euphoria and just damn awesome feelings. It's a combination of your body's reaction to the physical sensations along with your mind's reaction to the person you're with, causing your brain to tell your entire body "FEEL GOOD DAMNIT" lol. Where as busting a nut is simply... releasing sperm... or at least that's how i see it... it's almost impossible for me to orgasm solo, unless I have a really deep and sexy fantasy going on in my head... and even then it's still not sex, just really awesome masturbation :D

NeonKaos

07-08-2010, 10:06 PM

I voted for the brownies because they are more fattening than masturbation.

Ariakas

07-08-2010, 10:15 PM

I'll take

http://www.thenibble.com/zine/draft1/images/MoltenChocolateCake-300.jpg

personally. Pengrah is a pastry chef and makes a kille molten lava cake

NeonKaos

07-08-2010, 10:26 PM

I'll take

http://www.thenibble.com/zine/draft1/images/MoltenChocolateCake-300.jpg

personally. Pengrah is a pastry chef and makes a kille molten lava cake

The real poll should be:

Is food-porn sex?

vandalin

07-08-2010, 10:32 PM

*points at molten lava cake*

Orgasm on a plate! Want!

foxflame88

07-08-2010, 11:34 PM

*points at molten lava cake*

Orgasm on a plate! Want!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/foxflame88/smilies/yess.gif Who could possibly disagree with a chocolate orgasm?!

idealist

07-08-2010, 11:44 PM

I voted yes. Because I have had very satisfying sexual experiences masturbating...alone. And then there is mutual masturbation with a partner which I have really enjoyed more than a few times!!

Magdlyn

07-09-2010, 11:49 AM

I voted yes. Because I have had very satisfying sexual experiences masturbating...alone. And then there is mutual masturbation with a partner which I have really enjoyed more than a few times!!

Oh thank god. I was starting to feel like the odd man out here! hehe

Case in point. Last weekend I had a self pleasure session that was really good! Granted, my gf walked in and out of the room a couple times while I was doing it (she wasn't in the mood... how she could resist me, I don't know. :p She did affectionately tell me I looked sexy doing it... ), so that did enhance it a little, but even if she hadn't , it still would've been a very good, multi-orgasmic session.

Later in the day, I went to visit one of my sweeties. We had sex. He didn't really seem to be in the mood (jeez, must've been something going around that day!) and the sex was just ok. He seemed a bit distant. I guess had other things going on in his life that were distracting him.

So, even tho the 2nd session was with a partner, the solo session was much sexier... I had several Os with my sweetie also, but still, I had been more turned on by myself earlier than I was with him. So, same quantity of orgasms both times, but different quality.

I.

I can sometimes do it without a fantasy, sometimes it a stiff breeze. Self pleasure is rarely actually erotic for me. Most of the time it is nothing more than a bodily function. I also arouse really easily and often...so it could be that. Who knows.

Well, as you know, Ari, I arouse easily and often as well. I guess it's just a matter of semantics. If it involves stimulating and gratifying engorged reproductive organs, it's sex, in my book.

Magdlyn

07-09-2010, 01:50 PM

and dictionary.com agrees with me.

sex (seks)

noun

1. either of the two divisions, male or female, into which persons, animals, or plants are divided, with reference to their reproductive functions
2. the character of being male or female; all the attributes by which males and females are distinguished
3. anything connected with sexual gratification or reproduction or the urge for these; esp., the attraction of those of one sex for those of the other
4. intercourse (sense )
5. the genitalia

Ariakas

07-09-2010, 03:15 PM

and dictionary.com agrees with me.

I actually knew I was bucking the trend. I know thats what it says, but I just can't bring myself to use it in that context :)...

Well, as you know, Ari, I arouse easily and often as well. I guess it's just a matter of semantics. If it involves stimulating and gratifying engorged reproductive organs, it's sex, in my book.

I seem to remember a previous thread where you described your stimulation and engorging enjoyment :D

immaterial

07-10-2010, 02:43 AM

mmmm. engorgement. haha.

I think it's interesting how split the poll numbers are, both male and female. And 4 magical brownies is pretty darned delicious.

Immaterial

Fidelia

07-11-2010, 08:18 PM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/foxflame88/smilies/yess.gif Who could possibly disagree with a chocolate orgasm?!

I have a recipe that works for me. Seriously. Fires up a lot of the same brain chemicals. If I hadn't developed a low carb, sugar free version I'm pretty sure I'd weigh 7 or 8 hundred pounds by now.

Mocha Tuffle Kisses, they're called. My partner has another name for them. he calls them Chocolate P*ss**s. ;)

Mmm hmmm . . . :D

*mentally comparing ingredients list against ingredients on hand in kitchen*

:cool: Ok, yeah, see y'all later. I just thought of something I need to do . . .

foxflame88

07-11-2010, 08:36 PM

I have a recipe that works for me. Seriously. Fires up a lot of the same brain chemicals. If I hadn't developed a low carb, sugar free version I'm pretty sure I'd weigh 7 or 8 hundred pounds by now.

Mocha Tuffle Kisses, they're called. My partner has another name for them. he calls them Chocolate P*ss**s. ;)

Mmm hmmm . . . :D

*mentally comparing ingredients list against ingredients on hand in kitchen*

:cool: Ok, yeah, see y'all later. I just thought of something I need to do . . .

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/foxflame88/smilies/gaah.gif You CANNOT tease me like this! Can you share the recipe? (BTW, I love your partner's name for them.)

Fidelia

07-12-2010, 01:33 PM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/foxflame88/smilies/gaah.gif You CANNOT tease me like this!

Oh, but yes I can! :D

You have a PM. :cool:

Magdlyn

07-14-2010, 02:11 PM

I Chocolate P*ss**s. ;)

???

p*ssies?

meow?

Magdlyn

07-14-2010, 02:13 PM

mmmm. engorgement. haha.

I think it's interesting how split the poll numbers are, both male and female.

Yes, I am really glad to get this information. For some reason I had thought men would say no, and women would say yes.

foxflame88

07-14-2010, 06:11 PM

???

p*ssies?

meow?

You guessed it!

solarwindsfly

07-15-2010, 05:32 AM

Hrmm this has really made me think. Masterbation can be so personal to just yourself or a wonderful experience together. Sex is something I feel that requires another person. As an abuse survivor I think that sex can be called many things but it must involve another person. I also think that its a personal choice. Sex with two people masterbating together is a shared personal experience..... is it sex? It is to me because you are not alone. One thing about masterbation is that you are in control of your own pleasure and your own body. You know what you like and how to do it. Sex is a give and take. Sex can involve masterbation but I dont think it can be the other way around.

sdguitarguy

07-23-2010, 06:21 PM

To throw in my two cents, I think it has a lot to do with intent.

For example, in my mind it is possible to masturbate using someone else's body. If you are only completely focussed on your own orgasm, to me, that's masturbation. The fact that you're using your hand or someone else's body to accomplish this is irrelevent.

On the flip side, my gf & I have recently taken to masturbating together, that is, I am masturbating and she is masturbating, together on the bed, lying next to each other. Now that is fun and sex to me!

As far as operating the machinery completely on my own, I find that it very much depends on my thoughts & mood whether I consider it masturbation or sex. If my goal is purely relief, then it's masturbation. If I'm thinking about one of my gfs, missing them, I think of it more as sex but it's still really masturbation.

Shades

07-30-2010, 08:37 PM

SchrodingersCat

07-31-2010, 08:40 AM

Sorry, I was out of town when this thread was started, so I'm just reading it now...

Maybe it's my Vanillaness or a definition thing, but I was under the impression that cumming and orgasm were the same, just different names. Do please share your thoughts on the subject. I'm always interested in learning new things and broadening my horizons. (honest request, no sarcasm either) ;)

Oh my. You poor, deprived person! No no no, cumming and orgasm are not the same thing at ALL! My husband is multi-orgasmic, but once he ejaculates, that's it, he's done. But Tantra allows you to experience full-body orgasms that make the usual "cervical contraction orgasm" / "male ejaculation orgasm" feel like little more than a tickle.

Now in my vernacular, "coming" and "orgasm" are the same thing, but both different from "cumming" which refers to ejaculation. Now as a matter of unfortunate fact relating to the repressed sexual lives of most people, these events tend not to happen one without the other. But believe you me, it is possible, and it is amazing and wonderful.

And then there's female ejaculation, but that's a whole different discussion entirely...

LovingRadiance

08-01-2010, 08:26 PM

Maybe I am separating the term for my own use. But personally I can cum...which is like peeing. It happens, I am dont, "take it and go"...

I orgasm and its a totally different effect and use. Its not just a functional release of "something"...its an experience :)

For me they feel and react totally differently in my body.

Can't say I have quite the same explanation-but I do differentiate orgasm and cumming.
They can happen simultaneously for me, but don't necessarily.
When I'm stimulated by someone orally I tend to orgasm much harder but there isn't a lot of fluid released. It gets so intense I can't stand it, resulting in screams and writhing from the sensitivity.

On the other hand, when I'm stimulated just right by hand, I can soak whatever is under me (which I would define as cumming), over and over and over. It's not as intense a sensation, but it still feels magnificently wonderful.

LovingRadiance

08-01-2010, 08:30 PM

I'll take

http://www.thenibble.com/zine/draft1/images/MoltenChocolateCake-300.jpg

personally. Pengrah is a pastry chef and makes a kille molten lava cake

OMG that looked good!
Tell Pengrah that I am DYING to come up there and taste some of her chef'ing. ;)
(cooking just seemed a lame way to put it)

TL4everu2

08-01-2010, 11:45 PM

LOL

I just read this thread question....Not any of the responses.

Anyway, I voted "I'm a man and no". I voted this way because there is no penetration, and no chance of the woman (if a woman is involved) getting pregnant.

Now, my wife, instantly said "yeah it is". HUH?!?! She says it provides the same basic relief, so therefore it could be construed as sex.

Magdlyn

08-02-2010, 03:47 AM

Can't say I have quite the same explanation-but I do differentiate orgasm and cumming.
They can happen simultaneously for me, but don't necessarily.
When I'm stimulated by someone orally I tend to orgasm much harder but there isn't a lot of fluid released. It gets so intense I can't stand it, resulting in screams and writhing from the sensitivity.

On the other hand, when I'm stimulated just right by hand, I can soak whatever is under me (which I would define as cumming), over and over and over. It's not as intense a sensation, but it still feels magnificently wonderful.

Hot.

Magdlyn

08-02-2010, 03:49 AM

And then there's female ejaculation, but that's a whole different discussion entirely...

We could have another thread about that interesting topic!

TL4everu2

08-02-2010, 01:40 PM

And then there's female ejaculation, but that's a whole different discussion entirely...That could be a 100 page thread all by it's self! LOL ;)

I just received a long write up about that subject. All about HOW to achieve that spectacular event. ;)

Ariakas

08-02-2010, 02:05 PM

That could be a 100 page thread all by it's self! LOL ;)

I just received a long write up about that subject. All about HOW to achieve that spectacular event. ;)

Its a fantastic experience. I introduced one of my ex'es to the possibility. I still remember the look on her face when got to that point. Very cool thing to be able to pull off. :) More for her than me, for the next few months of our "relationship" we played with anything and everything to make it bigger and bigger, trying to compete with ourselves for distance...

yep, good times :)

Magdlyn

08-02-2010, 02:07 PM

I just started a new thread, so if you want to C+P that post, Ari, and add it to the new thread, I'd appreciate it.

anotherbo

08-26-2010, 07:40 PM

I'm going with sex, and sometimes quite enjoyable sex.

How bout phone sex, internet sex etc? Sex, or not sex?

Anotherbo :)

Magdlyn

08-26-2010, 09:31 PM

MonoVCPHG

08-26-2010, 09:59 PM

IMO, yes. Cyber or phone sex is sex.

Think about if you were mono and you found out your spouse was sexting w another person. Would you be upset? Jealous? There's a thread here where even a poly man was upset when his wife had phone sex with someone.

Right you are Magdlyn. That's grounds for divorce where I came from. And the one saying get out would be the "good guy".

Magdlyn

08-26-2010, 10:09 PM

Yeah, I have a relative, a woman, who found out not only was her supposedly mono husband cybersexing, he was sending nude pix of himself to someone. That's sex! That's cheating, in my book, altho some will disagree.

MonoVCPHG

08-27-2010, 12:28 AM

TL4everu2

08-27-2010, 09:42 AM

I've done less, and considered it "cheating". I had a mental relationship with a woman. We never had sex, but the relationship was there. My wife found out, and that was the end of the mental relationship. I was WRONG in doing that. I learned from it, and never put myself in that position again. In fact, I put up walls to keep things like that from happening ever again. Unfortunatly, I let them down, and I almost got sucked into the vortex again. So now I have the walls back in place with re-enforcements. It makes it difficult at times, but I have one wife.....not many wives. I am deathly loyal to HER....does it mean I can't fall in love with another woman? Possibly, but only because of the walls I have put in place in an attempt to keep my marriage. When I feel myself being pulled that direction, I take a break for a while form fraternizing with the other woman. (which invariably leaves HER wondering what she did wrong. :( ) But it keeps my wife happy with me, and my marriage intact. ;)

But the question was about SEX....Not mental relationships. And I'm pretty sure the OP meant the physical actions. To me, masturbation is NOT sex.

Derbylicious

09-02-2010, 04:05 PM

Magdlyn

09-02-2010, 04:12 PM

I voted no. Masturbation is more like practice for sex. I find that it gives me the opportunity to learn what works for me physically with no pressure from anyone else about not being able to reach orgasm a certain way. Sometimes it's also just something to do to help relax you when you're trying to sleep. For me sex involves someone else with you and an exchange of energies. By yourself it's just something that feels good.

OK, so by a small margin, survey says, masturbation is not sex, because sex has to involve 2 individuals. Obviously, I disagree. I'm of the camp that thinks, if it involves the rubbing of, and engorgement of the genitals, and the release of orgasm, it's sex, whether by yourself or not. Heck, even if one doesn't get fully engorged/hard, and there isn't an orgasm (aka edging), it's still sex/ual activity.

I'm tempted to be snarky and say, if you're masturbating and it doesn't feel like sex to you, you must be doing it wrong.

But I won't say that, because I am a nice person. *angel* :p

Ariakas

09-02-2010, 04:28 PM

Wow mags, you are all over this masturbation thread :p...

I figure I need more practice, maybe you guys who consider it sex are onto something...maybe I need to up the amount I currently do it. :p

Derbylicious

09-02-2010, 06:39 PM

Or some kind of instruction on how to do it "right". :p 20 odd years and I'm still doing it wrong!

Ariakas

09-02-2010, 06:49 PM

but the problem with a lesson is that involves another person, and right there for me, it becomes sex...

It would have to be a virtual lesson :p...come to think of it, is there a manual for masturbation. For guys its pretty easy stuff...its not rocket science to figure out what to do when you are (insert random boy age when they become aware of hardon) and you suddenly have something sticking out the front of your body screaming for attention.

hmm maybe thats TMI :P

TruckerPete

09-02-2010, 07:06 PM

I voted yes. All my reasons have already been nicely summed up here. :)

Magdlyn

09-02-2010, 09:45 PM

Wow mags, you are all over this masturbation thread :p...

I figure I need more practice, maybe you guys who consider it sex are onto something...maybe I need to up the amount I currently do it. :p

haha. ;) You know it's quality, not quantity, I am speaking of, silly.

but the problem with a lesson is that involves another person, and right there for me, it becomes sex...

It would have to be a virtual lesson :p...come to think of it, is there a manual for masturbation. For guys its pretty easy stuff...its not rocket science to figure out what to do when you are (insert random boy age when they become aware of hardon) and you suddenly have something sticking out the front of your body screaming for attention.

hmm maybe thats TMI :P

No, as the OP I say that's not TMI.

My Ct lover went to a masturbation clinic in NYC. I'll have to find the "teacher's" website and share it. It was loosely based on Tantric principles. It was a workshop for men, but partners were invited to observe. There were about 20 men in his workshop. Gay and straight. They all got naked and the instructor ( a woman) led them on an exploration of loving/stroking their penises. (No orgasms allowed, probably for safety/health reasons.) There was also sharing of feelings about their bodies/penises. And dancing.

Ariakas

09-02-2010, 10:42 PM

Whoaaaaaa no orgasms...thats a hard limit for me...:p

:D

TL4everu2

09-03-2010, 02:39 AM

Ok, I tried it last night....THREE TIMES! It was most definatly NOT sex. :P LOL But then again, myt wife sells this sleeve thing which feels just LIKE sex........and OMG....If I just close my eyes, I can imagine Farrah Fawcet and me......mnmmmmmm

TruckerPete

09-03-2010, 03:17 AM

TL4everu2

09-03-2010, 10:50 AM

The Flesh Light?LOL Nooooo.....This is one of the products that she sells. I've only ever seen the fleshlight in online ads. I've never seen one in person....yet. The fleshlight had one hole at one end.....and a flashlight thing at the other. The one we have has an opening at each end and is made out of a jelly type material. http://www.slumberparties.com/checkout/productdetail.aspx?ID=294 I think this is it. ;)

Magdlyn

09-03-2010, 11:04 AM

So, if the toy feels enough like a vagina, and your fantasy is a good one, masturbating feels like "sex" to you, even tho it's still a solitary act? Hm! :cool:

TruckerPete

09-03-2010, 12:34 PM

LOL Nooooo.....This is one of the products that she sells. I've only ever seen the fleshlight in online ads. I've never seen one in person....yet. The fleshlight had one hole at one end.....and a flashlight thing at the other. The one we have has an opening at each end and is made out of a jelly type material. http://www.slumberparties.com/checkout/productdetail.aspx?ID=294 I think this is it. ;)

Hrm. That is very interesting ... I can see the benefit of it being a sleeve. I bought something similar for Indigo once, but it was not a sleeve. It made the most distracting sucking noise. It suffices to say that it only got used once.

Well, he could still be using it, but it'd have to be when I wasn't home because I'd certainly hear it!!! :D

As for the flesh light ... I work on a university campus and we have a great sex shop. They get all sorts of cool things in (and sell them at cost!), so I have seen/felt one. I've heard from friends that it's decent, but it feels so realistic that it's creepy. This is because it's significantly cooler than a human body!!

anotherbo

09-03-2010, 09:43 PM

Ariakas:

Wow mags, you are all over this masturbation thread ...

I figure I need more practice, maybe you guys who consider it sex are onto something...maybe I need to up the amount I currently do it.

Derby:

Or some kind of instruction on how to do it "right". 20 odd years and I'm still doing it wrong!

Over the course of this thread, it has become clear to me that some of you are indeed not masturbating correctly, and thus think it isn't sex.

It has also become clear that I myself have not been having sex with a partner correctly, and thus do not adequately differentiate between masturbation and sex.

In an attempt to solve this conundrum, I am personally willing to give advanced masturbation lessons in exchange for advanced two-partner sex lessons. All in the name of science of course!

Anotherbo ;)

Derbylicious

09-03-2010, 09:45 PM

Ariakas:

Derby:

Over the course of this thread, it has become clear to me that some of you are indeed not masturbating correctly, and thus think it isn't sex.

It has also become clear that I myself have not been having sex with a partner correctly, and thus do not adequately differentiate between masturbation and sex.

In an attempt to solve this conundrum, I am personally willing to give advanced masturbation lessons in exchange for advanced two-partner sex lessons. All in the name of science of course!

Anotherbo ;)

Awesome! :D

TL4everu2

09-04-2010, 12:55 AM

Hrm. That is very interesting ... I can see the benefit of it being a sleeve. I bought something similar for Indigo once, but it was not a sleeve. It made the most distracting sucking noise. It suffices to say that it only got used once.

Well, he could still be using it, but it'd have to be when I wasn't home because I'd certainly hear it!!! :D

As for the flesh light ... I work on a university campus and we have a great sex shop. They get all sorts of cool things in (and sell them at cost!), so I have seen/felt one. I've heard from friends that it's decent, but it feels so realistic that it's creepy. This is because it's significantly cooler than a human body!!The one I have does not make any "noise" except for me moaning and well......you know. ;) LOL

TruckerPete

09-04-2010, 02:30 AM

The one I have does not make any "noise" except for me moaning and well......you know. ;) LOL

No, what?

:p

TeJoKo

09-07-2010, 07:26 AM

MrDreadful

09-07-2010, 10:20 AM

Pretty much what TeJoKo said...

DrunkenPorcupine

09-10-2010, 12:11 PM

I tie sex and intimacy. Sex doesn't feel good for me unless I know or am reasonably sure I'm brining pleasure to my partner. I like it vice versa too, knowing my partner is echoing and vibing off of my own pleasure.

It needs intimacy, trust, concern, awareness of the physical and emotional cues.

So that said...

Yes, masturbation is sex.

"Masturbation is simply sex with someone I really, really love." --Woody Allen

Magdlyn

09-10-2010, 02:37 PM

I say no because sex involves two or more. Masturbation is just masturbation. while it is sexual, you're still doing it alone.

I also don't officially count oral sex as sex. When asked how many people I've had sex with I do not count the people in which oral sex was as far as it ever went.

I guess to me, sex means intercourse.

Interesting. When I think back to all the sexual partners I have had, I count the ones I had intercourse with. (I didn't count kissing and fondling/mutual masturbation, or the list would've been much longer.) Finally a few months ago, I realized I was being quite remiss! I had a menage a trois with a (previously platonic) girl friend of mine and her boyfriend when I was a 19 year old lass. Suddenly I realized I had only been counting her boyfriend as someone I had sex with, although I did perform oral sex on my girl friend! I brought her to orgasm several times. How sexist of me. Of course, I need to count her as a notch on my bedpost as well.

Many gay men and lesbian women (bisexuals/pansexuals) do not engage in penetrative sex of the anus or vagina. Their sexual relations are comprised of oral sex, digital manipulation, or frottage. Of course, 2 women can't perform intercourse unless a dildo is used. Does this mean they aren't having sex with their partners? Of course not.

Ariakas

09-10-2010, 04:09 PM

ok...what is frottage and why did I suddenly think of cheese?

Magdlyn

09-10-2010, 04:22 PM

Frottage is non-penetrative penis to penis rubbing. Or "dry humping" between 2 partners of any gender.

Apparently vulva to vulva rubbing is called tribadism. I've heard it called scissoring.

More on non-penetrative sex here on wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-penetrative_sex

Ariakas

09-10-2010, 04:25 PM

Thanks, I learn something every day

On this day, I learned something I don't want to do :) :p

Magdlyn

09-10-2010, 05:02 PM

Poor str8s. :rolleyes: ;)

anotherbo

09-10-2010, 09:37 PM

Thanks, I learn something every day

On this day, I learned something I don't want to do :) :p

Don't knock it til you've tried it.

Anotherbo ;)

TeJoKo

09-10-2010, 10:41 PM

Interesting. When I think back to all the sexual partners I have had, I count the ones I had intercourse with. (I didn't count kissing and fondling/mutual masturbation, or the list would've been much longer.) Finally a few months ago, I realized I was being quite remiss! I had a menage a trois with a (previously platonic) girl friend of mine and her boyfriend when I was a 19 year old lass. Suddenly I realized I had only been counting her boyfriend as someone I had sex with, although I did perform oral sex on my girl friend! I brought her to orgasm several times. How sexist of me. Of course, I need to count her as a notch on my bedpost as well.

Many gay men and lesbian women (bisexuals/pansexuals) do not engage in penetrative sex of the anus or vagina. Their sexual relations are comprised of oral sex, digital manipulation, or frottage. Of course, 2 women can't perform intercourse unless a dildo is used. Does this mean they aren't having sex with their partners? Of course not.

That is a very good point.
So, what do you consider losing your virginity? Can a straight girl lose her virginity before she has intercourse just because she performed and received oral sex? ... That changes my whole concept of virginity. It also confuses the concept of virginity a little. At what point is it sex and at what point is it not quite sex?
This also brings me to another conclusion, one that frustrates me a tad bit... Several years ago I lost count of how many people I'd had intercourse with, and recently I attempted to make a list. I know I am forgetting people, and as it is I already don't know about 20% of the first names of the people I have listed.. Yikes! It makes me feel a little dirty, but then again I did enjoy myself and stayed clean. But if my definition of what constitutes having sex changes, then that means I need to add a whole bunch more people to that list, if I can remember them. There will probably be more names I don't remember.

TL4everu2

09-10-2010, 11:26 PM

Don't knock it til you've tried it.

Anotherbo ;)And to drive that home, I would LOVE to try double vaginal penetration where I am on my back, my wife is laying on top of me facing me, and our third is on top of her. He and I are both penetrating her vagina, and when he pushes in and out, his penis rubs on mine....Don't want to try it because of the sword crossing.....but because of the potential for HER to orgasm harder.

Ariakas

09-10-2010, 11:33 PM

And to drive that home, I would LOVE to try double vaginal penetration where I am on my back, my wife is laying on top of me facing me, and our third is on top of her. He and I are both penetrating her vagina, and when he pushes in and out, his penis rubs on mine....Don't want to try it because of the sword crossing.....but because of the potential for HER to orgasm harder.

Double vag is very different than two dudes just rubbing penises together ;)

TL4everu2

09-10-2010, 11:55 PM

That is definatly true Ari....Definatly true.

foxflame88

09-11-2010, 02:12 AM

Poor str8s. :rolleyes: ;)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/foxflame88/smilies/toofunny.gif

foxflame88

09-11-2010, 02:14 AM

And to drive that home, I would LOVE to try double vaginal penetration where I am on my back, my wife is laying on top of me facing me, and our third is on top of her. He and I are both penetrating her vagina, and when he pushes in and out, his penis rubs on mine....Don't want to try it because of the sword crossing.....but because of the potential for HER to orgasm harder.

Still on my "to-do" list. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v319/foxflame88/smilies/hugegrin.gif

TL4everu2

09-11-2010, 04:16 AM

Come on over some time then. Bring a man with you. ;) LOL

Magdlyn

09-11-2010, 02:09 PM

That is a very good point.
So, what do you consider losing your virginity? Can a straight girl lose her virginity before she has intercourse just because she performed and received oral sex? ...

Well, technically a woman loses her virginity when the hymen is broken. But that can happen before her first intercourse, from penetration with a few fingers, or a toy. I think most people consider the virginity of a man or a woman to be lost when first being penetrated or penetrating...

That changes my whole concept of virginity. It also confuses the concept of virginity a little. At what point is it sex and at what point is it not quite sex?

Well, that's the topic of this thread. Seems like it's a matter of opinion. Pres Clinton seemed to think oral sex didnt count as sex. :rolleyes:

TL4everu2

09-11-2010, 02:13 PM

Pres Clinton seemed to think oral sex didnt count as sex. :rolleyes:Good enough for the Prez, good enough for me. :D LOL

anotherbo

09-12-2010, 12:16 AM

Lots of interesting takes on what is sex.

But thinking further on this, I feel there is something very unique about a penis penetrating a vagina. It just has a special place in my heart!

Maybe that's because almost all babies start this way.

Anotherbo :)

P.S. Bah, TL4everu2 and foxflame88! I'd offer to join you, but Florida and Alabama are just too damn far from Alaska. :p

TL4everu2

09-12-2010, 05:38 AM

Lol!!!!

Tonberry

09-12-2010, 06:08 AM

I'm not sure... It's sexual, definitely, but I wouldn't say it's having sex... For me, "having sex" or "making love" implies "with". I feel if masturbation is having sex, then moving your tongue in your mouth is kissing, know what I mean?
For me, it takes two or more for sex. I would consider it having sex if done while someone is watching you, whether they're doing it too or not.

I'm not voting because I would say it's sexual (just like sex dreams are), but it's not having sex. However, does being sexual without it being "having sex" still count as sex? I'm not sure if I'm making sense here by differentiating "having sex" and just "sex", but I'm just not sure if they're quite the same thing.

catbird

09-13-2010, 12:13 AM

eskimo

09-13-2010, 02:45 AM

Sex with yourself is still sex in my book.

Whether it's your hand, a toy or another person, it's still all sex.

Derbylicious

09-13-2010, 03:07 AM

anotherbo

09-13-2010, 10:38 PM

That's an interesting problem to find yourself with, Derby, and an interesting solution. It always feels a little off-kilter when you start having sex with another after a drought, in my experience.

And my experience with this phenomenon is considerable! I'll keep it short since it this is definitely off topic, but my sex life has very much been feast or famine, mostly due to my bipolar disorder I think. On one end of the pole, my libido and attractiveness are very low, and on the other end they are very high, especially if it's a sustained high or low.

So when I'm approaching a feast time, I find I'm continually conflicted. Casual sex seems unattractive in that, I'm usually not excited about it, and I'm a bit nervous that it might not be very good sex, mostly due to my own rustiness. Sex with someone I'm really into emotionally is also problematic: I'm very much wanting that sex, but uncomfortable about giving a bad first impression sexually, again due to rust.

And the option that works best for me, sex with someone I'm into, but not really that into, seems unfair to my new sex partner and leaves me feeling like an asshole. I feel like I'm getting someone else's hopes up, when I know inside myself, I'll be moving on shortly.

Well, I guess that wasn't too short after all. :o

Maybe this subject of restarting your sex life with others after a long time being sexually alone (or mostly alone) merits its own thread.

Anotherbo :)

Magdlyn

09-14-2010, 12:02 PM

You get rusty after a sex drought?

*gets lube*

*maybe WD40*

Derbylicious

09-14-2010, 02:04 PM

You get rusty after a sex drought?

*gets lube*

*maybe WD40*

I'm glad that it hasn't been so infrequent that I need WD40!

freeantigone

09-14-2010, 05:06 PM

You get rusty after a sex drought?

*gets lube*

*maybe WD40*

:D:D

anotherbo

09-20-2010, 09:13 PM

You get rusty after a sex drought?

*gets lube*

*maybe WD40*

Seems my problem is worse than I realized.

I bought the WD-40, but I couldn't remember where to put it...

Anotherbo :eek:

Ariakas

09-20-2010, 09:47 PM

Seems my problem is worse than I realized.

I bought the WD-40, but I couldn't remember where to put it...

Anotherbo :eek:

Just listen for the squeek :D

Magdlyn

09-21-2010, 02:57 PM

Tim Man: Oil can. Oil can!

MsKtty89

09-24-2010, 11:49 PM

Sort of off topic but due to the fact that I haven't had a lot of sex in the past year with an actual person I find that my body is out of practice with reaching orgasm without toys (being that I use them when I'm alone) and then I worry about it which just makes things take even longer. So for the next little while I'm putting the toys away and I'm going to relearn how to have sex with myself without them ;). (sorry for the tmi for all those out there who I know in person).

I honestly can't climax without toys when by myself, but with my partner(s), I can get off 3/4 the time (I can be a toughy, I'll admit). I personally think it's more the worry that is causing an issue than the actual toys. ;) If I'm distracted or worrying about something during sex, I can't get off. If I'm focused on how awesome my partner is (not just sexual performance, but also how they are acting, coming on to me, etc.), then I am usually good to go.

And if it helps any, I worked at an "adult bookstore" for two years and own a thing or two, as well as use those things on average twice a day, every day.

Not saying it's bad to relearn to go it purely alone, just saying you should just relax a bit! :D

Sorry to support the off-topic post... :o

bimblynim

09-26-2010, 06:49 PM

OK, so by a small margin, survey says, masturbation is not sex, because sex has to involve 2 individuals.

I'm tempted to be snarky and say, if you're masturbating and it doesn't feel like sex to you, you must be doing it wrong.

Sarkyness asside I'm with Darby, validin and raise (etc).

I have masterbated for as long as i can remember, I am fortunate and was never abused however I masterbated way, way before I knew what sex is. The earliest fantasies I used for masterbation were entirely non "sexy." It was purely a physical relief, relaxation, pleasure. It was only as i reached ouberty I became aware it had anything to do with sex. TBH I wondered if my early masterbation has fed into my being asexy, but I don't think so as not wanking never made me more liable to fancy anyone. Only poly has realy conected me with my sexuality. It's odd masterbating was never "sexy" for me before (even though I increasingly used erotica/porn) and although like you Magdelen I would have a solo session because I prefer it to casual sex, I still wouldn't have considered it sex per say, because my emotions were not involved, just pleasure/deep relaxation. I think I stand by sex being "intercourse" and agree with raise that it doesn't have to include genitals. (mebs thats just an asexy perspective) the "sexiest" experiences of my life so far have not been sex. We'll see if this changes, cheers for the food for thought :o) x

MsKtty89

09-26-2010, 08:12 PM

I agree with:
It was purely a physical relief, relaxation, pleasure. It was only as i reached ouberty I became aware it had anything to do with sex.

I didn't full-on masturbate as a child, but I did rub on stuff a lot and it was well-before knowing what sex was. It was just a release I wanted, then as I learned about sex and erotica out there, that got incorporated. Definitely not an emotional thing, as sex is for me.

Now if were talking about mutual masturbation, that's a little different. ;) I'd start putting that in the sex category and all the other sexual things between two people. If you're emotionally involved and physically/sexually enjoying it, then it's sex.

monkelvaan

10-05-2010, 05:06 AM

Masturbation isn't sex any more than a transdermal patch is smoking.

ImaginaryIllusion

10-05-2010, 05:20 AM

masturbation isn't sex any more than a transdermal patch is smoking.
win!

marksbabygirl

10-12-2010, 10:48 PM

Masturbation isn't sex any more than a transdermal patch is smoking.

My orgasms would argue differently :p

anotherbo

10-18-2010, 01:17 PM

Hmm, I recently read about masturbation being like sneezing, as some people experience it. Like there's physically an orgasm, but not the rush of pleasure.

Does this happen to any of you?

I occasionally have a similar thing happen, that I've heard described as a "missed orgasm". But for me it can happen during sex or masturbation, with about the same infrequency.

If this did happen regularly to me while masturbating, it would be hard to consider it sex.

Magdlyn

10-18-2010, 01:35 PM

I think for some men, the orgasm itself can be a letdown. I have heard this more frequently from circed men, btw. Intact men tend to have more intense full body orgasms.

I guess if you have a sort of meh orgasm, you mightve been masturbating or having sex quite frequently? Doesnt taking a day or 2 off result in stronger Os? Rhetorical question, not directed at you, anotherbo.

MrDreadful

10-18-2010, 02:27 PM

I have "meh" orgams more frequently with masturbation than sex... but not really very often even then, though I certainly find that the more I have of either the chance of a "meh" orgasm increases.

Athena

10-18-2010, 04:03 PM

I've been taking an informal poll of this irl and would like your thoughts. Please post why you voted yes or no.

Thanks!

As a shrink who also had training during residency in sexual issues, one teacher thought of masturbation as making love to ones-self. It also is the most reliable form of pleasuring physically. So I would argue a yes, it still counts. (unless you are one of those peeps who needs to count notches on your bed post - it does not count as a conquest).

Athena

10-23-2010, 10:38 AM

By the way, though I am really well educated about Jewish law, I am far from a traditionalist (best described attitude would be God is great and the rest is politics and bunk when it comes to organized religions), in a lot of ways. I think masturbation, whether one considers it sex or not is a great way to get relief if an emotionally appropriate partner is not available. For me emotionally appropriate is indeed a longer term partner, but for other people their personal definition of emotionally appropriate may vary greatly.
Onanism as strictly defined and restricted in the Bible anyway has nothing to do with masturbation, it is specifically a then extant type of pagan fertility ritual or perhaps even the biblical character was a worshiper of a Cybele like deity, so instead of interpreting things overly broadly which a lot of homophobic and sex phobic people have, I tend to interpret biblical restrictions narrowly.
That is by the way why I pointed out how narrow the actual Biblical restrictions are, because a lot of people turn to the Bible to justify their homophobia, and actually, there is nothing in the Bible to justify this. Not to mention the Bible has a great homosexual/?bisexual relationship between David and Jonathan.

Thomas

10-28-2010, 02:00 PM

I think the famous and oft-repeated quote goes: "Don't knock Masturbation, its sex with someone I love."

Narapela

10-30-2010, 03:22 PM

I am female and believe that masturbation is sex. If sex is love-making, then masturbation is self-loving.
Masturbation as part of cyber-sex or telephone sex - definitely sex (with a partner, intimately, mutually pleasing and in tune with each other's needs).

gomugirl1656

11-02-2010, 01:41 PM

I am female and I feel like masturbating is sex with myself. I take as much careful preparation in my space as I would for a special romantic night with someone else. My health is important to me and frankly it's good for me.
In moderation.;)

nycindie

11-09-2010, 05:43 AM

Sex for one? Yes, please!

Danny40179

11-09-2010, 02:57 PM

If it is, then I'm a sex addict. Ok, don't mean to make light of the situation, but to me masturbation isn't sex because I'm flying solo. Sex, for me, has to include at least one other person. Preferably 2!! :D

Somegeezer

11-19-2010, 02:19 AM

Sex to me is intercourse/penetration. But oooh magical brownies!

polychronopolous

12-02-2010, 02:54 PM

I voted "Magic Brownies" because I am having a hard time distinguishing whether or not I should answer from an "Is (M) sex?" Or "Is (M) intercourse?" POV. If I was answering from the "intercourse" POV I'd say no. If I was answering from the "sex" POV I'd say yes because I don't think sex=intercourse. Sex/sexuality can start long before intercourse and continue long afterward. Sex can also take many forms for many people from flirting, touching, exchanges of looks, to talking intimately. That is assuming it is mutual (M) with a partner. If it is solo, I wouldn't see it as sex under either definition. For me sex is a shared experience.

Did I maybe over-think my answer?

[ ] Yes
[ ] No
[ ] Magic Brownies

:P

kala83

12-24-2010, 02:54 PM

I would certainly say yes! to me masturbation is self loving and only up until recently have I been dating again.......I tried many ways to try and put my mind at ease when I was single.

cause lets face it for most of us even if we know having a period to our selves for a while.....is good for us...its not ever easy to be single.

but one thing that helped me through my rough period in life was the old saying "you can't expect anyone to love you, unless you don't love yourself" and truth be told and I can easily fall into being people pleaser when I am in relationships I like doting on the ones I love and spoiling them and sometimes I would only think of my self until the last minute so I tried everything I could to change that kind of behavior in myself.

a really fascinating book to read on the subject is Sex for One : The Joy of Selfloving by: Betty Dodson, Betty Dodson (Illustrator)

but to me personally I have found that I don't get much enjoyment out of masturbation unless I can orgasm from it.

kala83

12-24-2010, 03:11 PM

BrigidsDaughter

12-25-2010, 11:04 PM

To me sex requires a partner. Plain and simple.

Vallin

09-02-2011, 09:12 AM

Is masturbation sex? YES IT IS: And it's the BEST sex there is! "Sex with someone I love" -Woody Allen

Kealoha

09-08-2011, 09:48 AM

I vote magical brownies because I swear I had an orgasm looking at that molten lava cake... That said, my husband and I disagreed...at first. I said it is sex, he says it isn't, because it should involve two people. I brought up cybersex and mutual masturbation, which he does believe is sex, and I believe is good fun when done with the right person. Yes, oral is sex! It is hot, sloppy, wonderful sex! =^.^=

free

10-08-2011, 11:17 PM

I said yes. I think it depends on what the intended purpose is, if it's ok sex or great sex.

Maybe it is sex, but a different kind than I get with a partner. All I know is that masturbating leaves me feeling different than sex with my partner. Jacking off can be as or more physically intense, but the latter almost always leaves me more satisfied unless the masturbation involved a really good, vivid fantasy.

Mendalla

Sometimes when I do it it's like just needing a stress relief, or I'm horny and need to just let one go. Other times when I'm really into it and my mind goes to fantasies or past experiences, man! My head spins when I'm done. The energy flows right out of my body and I'm out like a light.

Of course it's different when you're with someone. The orgasms maybe intense but in a different way.

As someone else mentioned, "the results are the same". Masturbation frees your mind and body for a brief moments in time. So does sex with others.