Sharing Details of Relationships/Sex [Archive]

ThatGirlInGray

07-03-2012, 06:52 PM

Who told you that?? I suppose, in strict primary/secondary hierarchies, there could be an agreement that "We share everything about our other relationships in order to make sure nothing is threatening the primary relationship" but that would leave the secondaries with very little privacy and could be uncomfortable for every involved at times!

My husband and my partner hear a LOT about my relationship with the other, the good and the bad, because they are also both my closest friends. They both know this and are okay with it. However, I do NOT discuss intimate details of one with the other. It's not their business, and would likely make them both very uncomfortable.

Many folks around here share even less across relationships. Honesty for the sake of sexual health is one thing, but beyond that there's a strong sense of respecting everyone's privacy and independence. Wanting to know ALL the details of another relationship is seen as nosy and intrusive, and perhaps as a sign of being insecure in one's own relationship(s).

Phy

07-03-2012, 07:07 PM

Depends on personal taste. Of all partners involved. If everyone is cool with it, or even likes it, go ahead. But if one isn't that into having the other(s) know what he likes when, how and why, he should have a right to privacy.

In our case, we don't share details. Mainly because I and Lin are uncomfortable with it. Sward wouldn't mind, maybe even like it, but he doesn't insist on something that is unpleasant for the rest of us.

Hudson

07-03-2012, 07:24 PM

I got the feeling that was the case. I've never been in a truly poly relationship before, but it seemed that sharing every intimate detail (literally every text message, chat, phone call and interaction is what I'm being asked to divulge) would be a violation of the secondary relationship I was beginning. How can it be a relationship if there is nothing shared in confidence? To say that the secondary partner I'd been chatting with/ beginning to see was uncomfortable with it is a vast understatement. After telling him that this was an expectation of my primary's, he asked me to delete all our previous communication and severed all ties with me-- and he was a friend before so it is a painful loss.

I have never expected this of him-- really I'd rather not know. He tells me anyway. I feel like I'm eavesdropping at the door to someone else's life every time he does it... Honestly, I don't know what to do. I love my primary with all my heart. I don't want to lose him, but I feel cheated somehow since I don't know anyone who would agree to a completely confidence free relationship...

CielDuMatin

07-03-2012, 08:30 PM

Everything with us is a two-way street - and we have agreed that there are certain details of our sex lives and personal communications that does NOT get shared, due to the preferences of all involved.

So add me to the "no" column, while you are counting the "almost-all"s ;)

KyleKat

07-03-2012, 09:22 PM

I'm a sharing person. I hate secrets and want both to be told and tell my experiences. My wife does not share this belief. She is willing to talk about stuff that's not intimate but anything sexual in nature she only tells me the minimum.

It drives me bonkers, to be honest, but everyone has a right to privacy and if that is what she wants then I have to respect it.

km34

07-03-2012, 10:04 PM

When I had other relationships, I would tell the basics (we had sex, there was oral, etc) but not the details (first we did it missionary, then switched to cowgirl, it was different than with you because xyz, it was kind of like when I'm with you because of abc, etc). I draw a line at facts unless both partners have previously agreed that they don't mind or like details being shared.

The first guy I dated after deciding to follow a poly path LOVED to hear about my sexual encounters, hubby and I started out swinging and he enjoys hearing about my sexual encounters. Both of them were fine with me sharing whatever kind of information or stories with the other, so boyfriend got stories about hubby and me and whoever else we were with, hubby got stories about how the stories I told boyfriend got him all hot and bothered. All were happy, no discomfort, I was fine with that.

The second guy I was dating had some issues picturing me in bed with others so all he knew was that I was having sex with hubby and one other guy at the time. He didn't want, need, or get details. Hubby and boyfriend did not get details about me with him (he and I didn't have intercourse, but there was some sexual contact so sexual histories were shared).

It all depends on the relationship(s) and the people involved how much can and should be shared.

Tonberry

07-03-2012, 10:33 PM

I'm the kind who likes both talking about things and hearing about things. However, when Seamus started seeing his girlfriend for instance, and shared things with me, it was crucial that she was fine with that.
Similarly, I wouldn't want to share details about a partner to another without getting the okay from them.

I think your partner is being unrealistic. Some people care about their privacy, and don't want every details shared behind their backs with someone who isn't part of the relationship. I agree that it will be hard to find someone who agrees to these terms, even though I don't like to hide anything, if someone's partner demanded to know everything I would probably be scarred off by them, as it would sound to me like they are controlling, and I want freedom over my own relationships.

Magdlyn

07-03-2012, 11:19 PM

Both my partners are open books when it comes to sharing sexual details. I mean, I don't tell each one every detail about what I did with the other, but if we tried something extra adventurous and kinky, it's fun to share. And they both have terrific compersion. There is no jealousy.

However, I would never want to read any emails, or texts, or anything like that, that either one has with another lover or friend. Sometimes when I know Ginger and miss pixi have talked to each other (my lovers are friends), I will ask for a summary out of simple curiosity, ask like, "Did Ginger tell you about this thing he told me about?" but their friendship is their business!

Tonberry

07-03-2012, 11:35 PM

I have a question that's kind of related, I thought I'd ask here rather than start another thread, I hope it's okay.

So I like someone who is Seamus's coworker. I realise I'm not going to date him, because of the coworker thing, but I do like him and Seamus knows.
Sometimes, I feel hurt when he doesn't tell me things that relate to T, his coworker. For instance, we meet and play games every so often. This week T was on vacation and wouldn't make it. Seamus didn't tell me about that, and when I asked why, he said he's not his keeper.
So now I don't know if I'm being unreasonable to be kept informed of stuff like this, or if he is being un-supportive, or something.

We did have a similar issue that he didn't tell me things about himself (like if he was going to be late while I was waiting for him) so I figure it's just his personality. Maybe I should learn to get used to it?

Anyways, how much detail do you think should be expected from a partner about someone you like, if they're close to them and you aren't?

Arrowbound

07-04-2012, 12:19 AM

It's a possibility that since nothing will happen due to boundaries in place, giving you updates about T is of no significance to Seamus. He might consider it a complete non-factor.

GalaGirl

07-04-2012, 12:46 AM

Sharing Details of Relationships/Sex... Is this common in poly relationships?

NO. Just the fact that there's a lover (for sex health hygiene) is enough. Extra loverly details only if ok with ALL parties. Because the OSO has feelings of their own about privacy. You do not just assume they are ok with kiss and tell. If they are, then yay -- everyone gets extra titillation. But that is a bonus, not a RIGHT.

So I like someone who is Seamus's coworker. I realise I'm not going to date him, because of the coworker thing, but I do like him and Seamus knows. Sometimes, I feel hurt when he doesn't tell me things that relate to T, his coworker.

Seamus is not T's keeper and is not obligated to "feed" your crush. If you feel hurt that's just emotion. Let it blow through. Don't put your WANT to know crush news ahead of Seamus' NEED to have normal coworker life that's not weird. Don't put him in the middle of weird.

We did have a similar issue that he didn't tell me things about himself (like if he was going to be late while I was waiting for him) so I figure it's just his personality. Maybe I should learn to get used to it?

This is poor manners. Seamus could work on that, esp if he has a cel phone. Does he? If so, lame not to call.

GG

Tonberry

07-04-2012, 12:54 AM

Seamus is not T's keeper and is not obligated to "feed" your crush. If you feel hurt that's just emotion. Let it blow through. Don't put your WANT to know crush news ahead of Seamus' NEED to have normal coworker life that's not weird. Don't put him in the middle of weird.

I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Seamus already knew that T was gone on vacation and wouldn't make it to the game. Telling me so (since we've been talking all day both yesterday and today) wasn't likely to make his coworker life any different. I'm not asking him to spy or learn things or anything, I just feel like he's hiding things from me.
As for feeding my crush, I actually feel like it's fed more when I have no news because then I obsess about him.

This is poor manners. Seamus could work on that, esp if he has a cel phone. Does he? If so, lame not to call.

He can't really call because I'm in another country right now, but we had a discussion about it and he's been much better about sending me emails about it now. This way I know if I should stay up and wait for him to get home and on Skype, or if he'll be a while and it's probably better to go to bed.

GalaGirl

07-04-2012, 01:40 AM

I guess I misunderstood -- was this a date planned with T to watch a game?

If T let Seamus know to pass the news on to the group that he's not coming because X -- then ya. Seamus ought to pass it on to the group.

But if there was no date planned, why does Seamus have to tell you all T's random comings and goings? It's not like it was a planned date to hang out together. (That's what I thought it was.)

And yes -- contact you in some form. (I thought he was local). If late for an online skype date, email asap to give the heads up. Not leave you hanging and losing sleep. Totally. If this happens a lot -- put the 20-30 min kill time on it. It's like in college -- prof not show 20 min into the class? Students can walk without taking attendance hit points. The students expect some kind of explanation at next class. No big. Things happen.

GG

LovingRadiance

07-04-2012, 06:47 AM

No idea.

But, I do know that in our polydynamic-we have a rule that there is NO sharing of personal information without the permission of the person we're sharing ABOUT AND the person we're sharing too.

IE-I don't want technical details of the sexual intimacies between my husband and his girlfriend. Therefore, don't tell me.

AND/OR

I don't want him sharing personal details about OUR sexual intimacies with her. Therefore, don't tell her.

(and vice versa etc)

Tonberry

07-04-2012, 01:18 PM

I guess I misunderstood -- was this a date planned with T to watch a game?

If T let Seamus know to pass the news on to the group that he's not coming because X -- then ya. Seamus ought to pass it on to the group.

It was actually to play a game, which we do once a week. I join them over skype although I can't participate much, but it's the only time I interact with his coworkers anymore (I used to see them a few times a week) so it's important to me because I'm isolated here.

What happened is that T went on vacation, and although some people knew, Seamus learned about it when T wasn't at work on Monday. We regularly play the game (which is on Tuesday nights) with one person missing, but in the past I'd always known ahead of time. Now I think T should have told the group, but when I learned suddenly my first thought was that Seamus is my eyes now that I'm away and lonely, and he didn't tell me anything.
I'm feeling over it now. When I first learned I was upset not to have been given a heads-up, as I felt I might not have joined the game and slept through it instead if I had known. But in retrospect I understand why he thought it wasn't a big deal. I guess one issue I had was that he always told me when other people couldn't make it, so it felt like the one person I cared about making it or not shouldn't be the one he doesn't even mention to me.

Oh well. We might talk about it more later, I think he might have today off since it's Independence Day.

nycindie

07-04-2012, 02:55 PM

Hudson, the fact that your primary expects to have every detail shared between you is a bit strange. Any other partner of yours would find it somewhat disturbing, I think. It indicates a very couple-centric approach, as if the privacy concerns of the other people with whom you are involved simply don't matter. Basically, it's hogwash to have told you that "almost all poly couples share the intimate details of their secondary relationships with their primaries." What a wild assumption! There are no across-the-board privacy standards in poly -- it's up to the people involved. But I would think it leans the other way, toward respecting privacy, more often than not. And insisting on reading your texts and emails? Total invasion of privacy and not cool at all in my book.

Looks like it's time to establish your own personal boundaries for yourself and renegotiate on this one. Don't just go along with bullshit that makes you uncomfortable just because your partner says that's how poly is done. Oy!

There have been a few other threads on this topic. Have you done a search? You can always go to the Golden Nuggets forum here and start with "Master Thread - links to other threads worth reading." Here's a link to a post in that thread to get you started: Threads about privacy and sharing information among partners (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=137746&postcount=11)

AutumnalTone

07-04-2012, 05:52 PM

... Is this common in poly relationships?

I am curious because I am told that almost all poly couples share the intimate details of their secondary relationships with their primaries.

What is your experience?

Oh, hell, no! The details of discussions and the sex I have are nobody's business except for mine and the other person(s) involved. I won't get involved with anybody who has a partner who expects such, nor will I get/stay involved with anybody who would expect such.

I can say that no polyfolk with whom I'm acquainted expect such sharing.

The thought of it creeps me out.

turtleHeart

07-05-2012, 04:26 AM

LittleMissMuffit

07-05-2012, 07:17 AM

i have been wondering similar things.. my understanding is that my SO shares as much detail with his priomary as she wants (i don't think i ever really got a say in that) but when i ask about their intimate life i get very little.. it feels strange to me that it is only a one way street, and also that all of my tender bits are exposed. i am friendly with his primary however, and not at all jealous of their realtionship (maybe envious because of daily life, ect..) wondering how to go about bringing this subject up without it being a fight.

nycindie

07-05-2012, 02:15 PM

I guess this is different for everyone.

My wife and I make it clear to everyone we relate to that anything known to one of us can be known to both, meaning we can know all the details of our other relationships, but as we've gotten more used to dating other people we haven't felt as much of a need to hear every detail (it would be too time consuming), even though we still can. It's not something we do out of distrust, more that we simply like knowing what we're each experiencing.

We are very "couple-centric", and don't want that to change. There are things the two of us will only share with each other. Anyone that dates us needs to be ok with that. If someone just liked one of us and didn't really want to know the other, that would be the end of the new relationship. As a result, anyone we do end up dating tends to get along well with both of us and we all hang out together fairly often, including for holidays.

But what you're writing about sounds a little different from: . . . literally every text message, chat, phone call and interaction is what I'm being asked to divulge . . .

Turtleheart, are you and your wife sharing every single sexual detail, and all emails and texts with each other? It's one thing to share the whole gestalt of an experience with a partner; it's quite another to invade or abuse another partner's privacy in order to see and hear in black and white exactness every little thing that goes on. EVERY relationship deserves respect and its own special, private moments, it should never be all about the couple at the center of their universe, lording their primary status over anyone else with whom they are involved. As Hudson further wrote:
. . . a violation of the secondary relationship I was beginning. How can it be a relationship if there is nothing shared in confidence?Exactly.

i have been wondering similar things.. my understanding is that my SO shares as much detail with his priomary as she wants (i don't think i ever really got a say in that) . . . And why didn't you get a say? See, single people need their own rules and boundaries, too. You have a voice and should always ask for what you want and say no to what makes you uncomfortable. It's your life, your relatiosnhips. You're not there solely to enhance or augment their "Holy Dyad" -- your relationships should be satisfying and fulfilling to you, and you get to ask for things on your terms, too. That is where negotiations and compromises begin. It should never be totally up to the already established couple to dictate to the "third." If that's their style, and they won't budge, you still have a choice - to accept it or walk away. But can you be happy with relationships built only upon someone else's terms and without anything on your terms?

Arrowbound

07-05-2012, 05:39 PM

EVERY relationship deserves respect and its own special, private moments, it should never be all about the couple at the center of their universe, lording their primary status over anyone else with whom they are involved.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. Once upon a time in the beginning I really did wanna know everything, and then there were things I found out I wasn't comfortable with, so I just stemmed that particular flow. My compersion and comfort I've found is borne of knowing about my metamour outside of my SO, talking to her, getting to know her in my own context basically. I can't imagine giving him so much detail there's nothing left for myself, or my OSO.

Fiona

07-05-2012, 08:32 PM

Absolutely not. I don't like or subscribe to the terminology of primary/secondary; while my relationships may be very different (I have a child with and live with my husband, things I will never do with my partner) I don't feel that one is more important than the other, or deserves to know more, or anything of that nature. I do not tell my husband intimate details about me and my partner, any more than I want to hear those details about him and his girlfriend. It's the way it works for us.

LovingRadiance

07-05-2012, 08:43 PM

It's interesting reading everyone's responses.

It's very important to me, that any new lovers KNOW all of us-and get along with all of us (I say all because there are three of us who are a forever family with 2 kids still at home already).
But, they needn't be "best friends" with all of us, just get along and respect all of us.

That said,
each of us-including any potential new lovers-are individuals with our own personal preferences, interests, insecurities, fears etc.
We should each individually have a right to share with our lover our fears, insecurities, interests, curiosities etc without fear that they are going to then be shared with others we may not yet be so comfortable with.

This came up very personally for us this winter. I am generally a VERY open person. There aren't a lot of 'secrets' in my life.
However, Maca (my husband) began seeing another woman and we had to address the topic of sharing details-because he moves SO MUCH FASTER in intimacy and trust then I do.
I didn't know this person or feel comfortable with her knowing about my BDSM proclivities, insecurities (unrelated to her or them), fears, medical issues (not things that would affect them).
HE felt like he could trust her.
But that was THEIR relationship. I did not.

She was a bit miffed over my "slowness" in accepting FOR MYSELF the same level of social intimacy as they had created together.

But, here we are in July-and their relationship has ended.
Which is PRECISELY why I didn't feel comfortable.
Until I am certain someone is sticking around for a significant portion of time, I'm not interested in disclosing (or having disclosed about me) certain aspects of myself that I share with trusted close loved ones.

Fiona

07-05-2012, 09:23 PM

She was a bit miffed over my "slowness" in accepting FOR MYSELF the same level of social intimacy as they had created together.

But, here we are in July-and their relationship has ended.
Which is PRECISELY why I didn't feel comfortable.
Until I am certain someone is sticking around for a significant portion of time, I'm not interested in disclosing (or having disclosed about me) certain aspects of myself that I share with trusted close loved ones.

LovingRadiance, I'm about at this place with my husband's girlfriend. They're both extroverts and don't seem to understand my need for privacy and a bit of distance. I've tried to communicate this to both of them, with mixed results. At first, she was overly involved in my life and wanted us to be close very quickly; I'm simply not comfortable with this and said so. Now, after a few incidents in which I felt she was being pushy and rude, she has been extremely distant and communication, never good to begin with, has suffered because of it. My last straw was her talking to MY partner (not my husband) and telling him that I had said/done things that I hadn't (i.e. Fiona said this is a rule and I can't do it - which is ridiculous, my husband and I don't conduct our relationship that way.) My partner was puzzled and uncomfortable by her behavior; I'm at a total loss as to what to do (or not do) and am pretty angry and frustrated about this.

LovingRadiance

07-06-2012, 12:40 AM

Fiona,
I can imagine your partners puzzlement. My boyfriend flat refused to socialize with the latest girlfriend (of my husbands) because he felt it was heading that direction from the get go and didn't want to be caught in the middle. He's VERY outgoing-but from the beginning there was so much mis-information going around he just fled from the whole thing.

It's unfortunate that so many of us are struggling to figure out how to go about operating and communicating how we operate in our dynamics-because it leads to a LOT of confusion when assumptions are made or misinformation is shared.

I'm a very outgoing open person. But, I have to make the relationship on my own. I don't automatically give myself to someone because they are a "friend of a friend". So, the fact that someone thinks they are in love with my husband (I have doubts on account of MY definition of love and how quickly they disappear-I believe it's NRE and lust)
doesn't automatically mean I'm going to open up to them. They have to take time to get to know ME and allow me to know THEM if they want that.

Unfortunately, that is scary for some women-a lot of them from what I've gathered. I'm ok with not knowing them well. But, Maca wants something along the lines of what I have with GG; and THAT isn't possible unless the time is taken to build the cross friendships. (ie-her me, her GG, etc).

GG and I were best friends for YEARS before we started dating. YEARS. He already was considered part of the family before we started dating.
It makes a HUGE difference.

When you're rushing to get to bed with each other...
Well-it just changes everything when its rushed.

CielDuMatin

07-06-2012, 03:52 PM

I really dislike the primary couple privilege thing. There have been some adjustments that we have had to make because of the mono/poly nature of my relationship, but I was very insistent on the "same rules for everyone" when it came to disclosing private information. It's not about keeping secrets, it's about what part of the relationship is private and which is not.

In my opinion there can't be any blanket rules that always apply - it's up to individual preference, boundaries and needs. It is vital that these be discussed during the initial negotiations with all the involved parties, so that expectations can be set.

And, if the shoe were on the other foot - if I were wanting to get involved with one member of a couple and were told that all details of our sex life would be shared between them, but that I wouldn't get the same from them, then I would say thank you and walk away.

Emm

07-17-2012, 11:21 AM

I hope you inform all your partners of this before there's anything to tell.

Magdlyn

07-17-2012, 11:53 AM

yeah i share my sexual relationship details.

I hope you inform all your partners of this before there's anything to tell.

I've never needed a formal go ahead from any of my lovers to share information about sexy times with my gf. It just seems to be obvious from the get go that everyone is pleasantly titlillated by hearing about what I do with the other. My longterm gf miss pixi just feels compersion, and my male lovers feel aroused and excited to hear about what she and I do. I guess I just feel drawn to people who are an open book in that area.

Now that miss p and the Ginger and I are moving from a V to a triad, slowly and cautiously, and have shared sex twice, feeling secretive about any one on one times would be ... pointless? But that's just our experience and our comfort zone. Not that I share every detail every time I get to have sex with either, but I just don't feel the need to hide things.

Emm

07-17-2012, 02:29 PM

And again, I hope they were all aware of that before there was anything to tell.

If I'm going to be discussed in detail with someone I'm not involved with then I want to know about it in advance. That way if I'm not comfortable I can remove myself from any situation worth discussing. It doesn't need to be a formal agreement, but it does need to be at least understood by all.

Magdlyn

07-17-2012, 02:41 PM

And again, I hope they were all aware of that before there was anything to tell.

Again, no need for formality. My gf is an open book and the guys have all been proud of their own sexual prowess (and as a female bi couple, most of the guys probably feel a covert interest in interesting my gf in some kind of 3way action! :p )

If I'm going to be discussed in detail with someone I'm not involved with then I want to know about it in advance. That way if I'm not comfortable I can remove myself from any situation worth discussing. It doesn't need to be a formal agreement, but it does need to be at least understood by all.

That's fine for you. Different for me/us!

CielDuMatin

07-17-2012, 03:25 PM

If I'm going to be discussed in detail with someone I'm not involved with then I want to know about it in advance. That way if I'm not comfortable I can remove myself from any situation worth discussing. It doesn't need to be a formal agreement, but it does need to be at least understood by all.I am in the same boat, and have refused to get involved with folks who I know were far more open about communicating to others about the intimate details of their sex lives than I was comfortable with.

Not saying it's wrong or right, just that different people have different boundaries when it comes to that and it's worth making sure (rather than assuming) that everyone's comfort levels are compatible.

LovingRadiance

07-17-2012, 06:59 PM

Interestingly, this one alters for me-depending on the partner.
There are some people I would be perfectly ok with our sexual details being shared. Some I am not.

So we have an agreement that nothing gets shared without permission.

Shrug.

Tonberry

07-17-2012, 11:26 PM

I'm definitely the same as Ciel and Emm. While I don't think I'd ever have a problem with people sharing anything about me, I would feel absolutely betrayed if they ever did it without checking first. I would equate it with sharing naked pictures of me without asking for my permission.

LovingRadiance

07-18-2012, 02:53 AM

idealist

07-18-2012, 03:04 AM

... Is this common in poly relationships?

I am curious because I am told that almost all poly couples share the intimate details of their secondary relationships with their primaries.

What is your experience?

The problem with your original question is the part where you said "Almost All Poly Couples".....there is no "almost all poly people" for anything!

rory

07-18-2012, 08:13 AM

I wouldn't put all the responsibility on the more open person. They should be thoughtful and ask before sharing details but the person who doesn't want anything shared should communicate that clearly.

I also don't think it's automatically the more private person whose wishes are the ones respected. It is crucial to find out these things before getting intimate. I have a right to my own boundaries around being open. For example, I have a boundaries that I will not be anybody's dirty little secret and that I will not be closeted (i.e. I may choose to hide the fact that I am queer, but nobody else has that choice though I may take other's feelings into consideration). That means that if I am intimate with somebody, that fact is mine to share if I wish. I certainly want to be sensitive to the other person's wishes for privacy, but if I am told after the fact that they want nobody to know, that is too late. If I am told in advance, then we can see if it is a good idea for us to go there at all.

Emm

07-18-2012, 08:57 AM

While I don't think I'd ever have a problem with people sharing anything about me, I would feel absolutely betrayed if they ever did it without checking first.Exactly. It's a consent issue.

Magdlyn

07-18-2012, 10:22 AM

Exactly Tonberry! That topic got so out of hand this winter, I actually wiped clean all of the computers in the house of ANY photos of me that were even moderately suggestive or unclothed!
There has to be the RIGHT to privacy-even if I don't choose to keep myself private, it still has to be MY decision.

LR, I can see in a case like yours, where your primary is dating another whom you don't like or trust, it would be very violating to have him sharing sexual or intimate details. That could get very messy, indeed.

When I was dating a lot in 2009 and '10, I guess there is a slight chance some of the guys might have shared some things about me with their dude friends, but it really didn't affect our relationship. But anyone I was seeing seriously, I knew he wasn't going around town a lot talking about the woman he was banging, nor badmouthing me to his wife or another gf.

LovingRadiance

07-18-2012, 08:31 PM

Exactly Mag.

Once I feel comfortable with someone-I don't mind them knowing things about me and OBVIOUSLY if I'm comfortable enough to tell them I ran a business called Loving Radiance-they could dig up a LOT of dirt cause I tell you guys all sorts of stuff on here. :)

I'm really not a very private person. I honestly don't mind people knowing a lot about me.
It's more that I want my partners to understand that it's still MY right to decide, even if I decide I don't care and the world can know.

It's too easy for Maca to decide he can say whatever he wants "cause you don't care so what does it matter". What it matters is that it's MY life and MY privacy and mine to share. :p

Ironically, being committed to someone who struggles so much with respecting boundaries of others whilst having such strict boundaries about how others treat him has really made me anal about "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" even though functionally I'm SOOOOOOO much more easy going and nonplussed by shit like that.

TequilaMockingbird

07-18-2012, 11:46 PM

I don't share details, nor do I ask - I have told hubby about some fantasies I'd like to pursue, things that really don't interest him. It's all theoretical at this point, but while he knows some of the broad strokes I won't be giving him the minute details. I don't tell my friends details either, so this is pretty consistent for me.

As for him, I don't ask about the details of things with his girlfriend - I might ask how the day went or nonsexual stuff, but I think they deserve some privacy so I don't pry.

It might change if we were both involved with the same person (or a couple) but I kinda doubt it.

And like many others, I don't want anyone broadcasting details of my intimate life without permission. It seems disrespectful.