View Full Version : Thank you for being here
06-27-2012, 01:25 PM
GalaGirl here. I've been enjoying the posts for a long time as a lurker, but started participating as a poster this week.
DH and I began young and I was the poly overlappy person. Although he was free to see others he never quite did.
Fast forward through time, and my other rships were reaching natural ends (school, work, geography, etc.) DH and I were deepening and I had major health issues so it seemed like a natural time to close down to just us while I sought my dx.
DH and I are not looking -- still remain closed as we raise child. We really don't see it opening up again (if it opens again) til she's grown because between her and my chronic patient health status and now eldercare added on top as we age and our parents age... plates here are too dang full.
So while I'm still dealing in my health probs -- I'm feeling a lot healthier than I have in years. Much more so than I have in a long time!
I support my mono and my poly friends in whatever configs they want to be in real life.
So I thought I'd finally start posting and try to support those here too -- a way of giving back since I lurked for so many years.
I remember the struggles I had as a young poly woman and I'm pleased Internet can help bridge so many gaps! I wish this had been here back then too.
Who knows what kind of wiring my kid will end up at, but I'm grateful that should she feel poly like her mother, HER young adult life will have a little more support.
Thank you for being here, and for existing. :)
06-27-2012, 02:59 PM
Thanks - it seems strange to be welcoming you when I have been reading and enjoying so many of your posts already! ;)
Glad you find this place a comfortable place where you can join in the discussion.
06-29-2012, 08:40 PM
Just wanted to add my own welcome to the forum.
You've been a generous giver here already, and I've enjoyed reading your posts. Looking forward to seeing more of those!
06-29-2012, 11:46 PM
Thanks for the warm welcome! :)
06-30-2012, 08:20 PM
I know I said so elsewhere, but am happy to say again:
I'm very much enjoying your participation here.
Sorry to hear about your health challenges. I have lived with chronic pain since 1989 (or so) and have bunches of diagnoses. The longer you go, the more opportunity to collect coping tools. :D
06-30-2012, 11:12 PM
Bummer -- that you too have to know living chronic patient land. Wouldn't wish it on anyone for any condition. Ugh.
Hope you are doing well in yours! :)
07-03-2012, 06:49 AM
You posted a reply on one of my threads. I don't post much so I checked you out and saw this. I just wanted to say your replies are fantastic. I'm tempted to collect them all and keep them as a "how to guide to poly". They are incredibly detailed and well considered.
I think because there are still relatively few of them (unlike with many of the other awesome people on here) they are still easy to manage as a group!
07-03-2012, 02:43 PM
Awww.... thanks. You are sweet.
If there was a blushing emoticon I would emoticon blush but there isn't so... :D
08-24-2012, 05:52 AM
I actually have moved on to start stuffing some of my replies into my Blog Thread.
We are still Closed, and not Opening any time soon. Neither of us wants to mix active early childhood parenting with Polyamory -- it just doesn't appeal to us, and I have yet to come across a possible exception to the rule that moves me to renegotiate with DH sooner on that boundary limit.
I am loathe to act too fast too -- with eldercare pressures on my mind and hands. That's a huge Time and Brain drain.
We are not fit enough to offer ourselves as partners to Other(s) at this Time/Place.
But we've agreed to Open in Mind and Heart to just ourselves. Discuss and negotiate just us two to start for the next year. Work on ourselves and our relationship to walk the perimeters, smell the roses, do the checks, and do an honest assessment. If we WERE to Open -- what new Playground would we be seeking? What configuration? How to best execute that mission?
So lovermine, here we are NOW. Where should we go next? He's been walking with me and traveling 'round the Sun with me near on two decades. I value his input.
I have started the thread for us to collect bookmarks for deeper offline conversation. (DH tends to lurk and read me and then talk to me in person or over email.)
We'll see where all that ends up when we are done talking. If we decide to park it there for longer or move it forward to Opening in Body and Soul too. And actually move it over to an active dating phase.
There is a Time and a Place for Everything. Everything should be at it's proper Time and Place.
Some things are NOT in my control in Life. But some things ARE. Like when I choose to be Open to More Love to Come In and when I choose to be CLOSED because there is too much going on already.
I always am amused at people who think they are not "really poly" or it doesn't "really count" as polyamorous practice unless they are actively dating or actively in a multi-partner configuration. I think polyamorous people are polyamourous 24/7! When are we NOT tending to the matters of the Heart? Our own Heart to start, and then that of our chosen Loves?
My merely being Open To More Love doesn't mean it will come at all, or come in the shape I want it to come. DH himself arrived in my life much too soon -- and I had to grapple with that then. A possible VERY Right One, but not quite at the right TIME!
I never bought the idea that there is only ONE Right One for me out there. I think there are MANY Right Ones out there -- but they don't always come at the Right Time or at the Right Place.
That is on me to discern for myself. Am I at a Right Time? Am I at a Right Place? Is he? Are WE?
So I think a lot. I know I sometimes think too much. It's constant Conversations Already in Progress (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26267) inside my own head.
I like to yammer. :D
08-24-2012, 07:10 AM
Your yammering is our listen-and-learn time. You have it so together, and so well-documented. I quote because I love!
I'd love to trade war stories re: the patient thing. I blog about that at Refuge in Audacity from time to time -- I try not to get too depressing, but I also want the world to see my reality, and how much of a human I still am. Two of my friends and I use "spear theory" because we aren't willing to lie back and take it from any of our personal beasts. Boadicea, baby! Where's my woad?
So thank you very much for being here. Brilliant example of the kind of woman I should like to become.
08-24-2012, 02:12 PM
Ah, Chronic Patient Land. I have to see docs today but I'll tag you in private message later. I've had my ups and downs there! :rolleyes:
We all get to that place -- you call it spear theory. I call it "I might have ____! But it doesn't have to have ME!" Annoyingly, I have too many blanks in there. I am a walking endocrine mess!
'Tis a bitch, but I know several church friends who also deal in Chronic Patient Land. Even if we don't all have the same condition? Some things are all the same. Doctor parade, energy levels fluxing, feeling like a walking pharmacy sometimes, insurance hassles, LOOKING normal to other people, but not really on the inside, etc.
In that sense? Commonalities despite the flavor illness we have?
Kinda like poly -- even though we don't all want the same polyamorous configuration or style? Don't all have the same personalities? Polyamory still has common threads weaving through it. Like ethics, honesty, etc.
So yah. I'll fling my voice to the Common Choir. We all need the larger Polyamory support group in which to hear the voices -- but the voices need to speak. Stories shared is what builds community. :)