The Vandalin Saga...

[vandalin]

Ok, so I had to come up with some sort of title and that kind of fit. This is to get my story out of the "New to Poly" thread as although I am still new to it, this is an old story that keeps continuing and is fully a life story which I intend to update as necessary.

So if you are not familiar with the backstory or need to find something said previously, here is the link to that topic. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=466

And now to move forward with the new updates and to continue the story of Vandalin, Cajun, and Elric...

[vandalin]

I was back in IL for a few days (in IL still until tomorrow actually) and Elric and I finally found a time to get together and try to just be friends. Our first non-dramarific meeting was for lunch today. I picked him up at work (not even 2 minutes from my hotel) and we went and grabbed food. Luckily he gets an hour for lunch so we didn't feel too rushed.

It went well. I expected some tension and anxiety, at least on my part, and I think he may have had some too but he seems better at hiding it than I do. We talked about a lot of things, nothing too drama inspiring during lunch.

On the way back to work he actually apologized again for having such an insane schedule and making sure I knew that he hadn't been hiding or avoiding me all this time. I knew this, but that little paranoid piece of me wants to say otherwise and he knew this. It is nice that he is trying to reassure me about our friendship and making sure that I am doing alright with where we are at.

I am ok with where we are at, but I'm not ok with where I am at just yet, and I'm not quite sure where he is really at sometimes. He admitted, in not so many words, that he does send mixed signals at times and he doesn't mean to cause me any more heartache, it's more of just a flirty friend nature, which if none of the sexual/romantic aspect were an issue, I would be giving as good as I got. He doesn't mean to "fertilize that seed" of hope/desire/wishful thinking just as I don't mean for it to still be viable. But of course we don't always get what we want and the path to hell/good intentions apply here as well.

Although one thing I thought interesting, and not necessarily as a "hope generator" was that I mentioned that now I have to figure out what it is that I really want in my relationship with Cajun and if/how poly fits. I said that this whole thing has opened up new opportunities and ideas for me. And he agreed, that this has opened up a whole new thought for himself. Being raised Catholic where and relationship outside of marriage was forbidden, this really threw him for a loop but also opened his mind to new ideas even more than it had been. He is still interested in understanding Poly and the life style. Now I know that that does not mean he is interested in implementing the lifestyle into his own relationships and life, but it is nice to know that he doesn't think less of me for trying this life or even trying to include him in it.

We are supposed to get together for lunch again tomorrow (as long as the fates don't get in the way and make him have a working lunch) and again we will probably go out to eat. It is almost like having a safety net by always being in public, but unfortunately we don't feel as free to talk about certain things as we may wish to be and those things get relegated to the car ride back to work which is time restricted. Although I want to get him alone so we can talk about whatever we want, I know and understand why having this safety net is a good idea. It's the next best thing to a chaperon. ;)

So that is where things stand at present. Slightly trembling ground but not shaking so hard that we can't stand on our own two feet. I feel happy that we were able to get together and talk again, but am still sad at the same time. I still feel that we are missing out on something wonderful and good.

I will keep you (and myself) posted here... especially with tomorrow's lunch and my long drive back home...hope that goes well. For now, I rest, as I am feeling a bit drained on all three levels. Thank you for taking interest in this ongoing drama and until next time... TTFN!

[vandalin]

Second lunch didn't go quite as well as first lunch but fate tried to mess with us again. Elric's relief was about 30 minutes + late so he felt he had to hurry as he had lots of work to get done. He also had to leave right after work as he had an interview to go to.

Lunch itself went ok, we stayed at his building which has a small cafe where we could sit, eat and chat. Again nothing too dramatic during lunch. After we walked with me to the doors and we gave each other a big hug. Then I went to give him a good luck kiss, a quick peck really, and ok, I was aiming for his mouth, and he startled turning his head away. We then said goodbye and I went out to my car and he back up to his desk.

Ok, I know some of you may be thinking that was stupid to do, but I really didn't mean anything other than a friendly peck. Why I chose to aim for the lips and not his cheek like I had done before, I don't really know myself. His response though, really hurt. I felt like he didn't trust me as he said he did.

I texted him from the car, apologizing if I made him uncomfortable and explaining my intent. Didn't hear back from. Finally got on the road and drove home through hellish fog. Texted him again when I got home to let him know I got there ok and still hadn't heard back from him. I was afraid I messed up big time this time.

We finally got a hold of each other Friday afternoon and he apologized for not getting back to me, he crashed shortly after his interview and other than waking up for a couple minutes to get into his bed, he slept through the night. Poor guy needs the sleep. He also said that it had nothing to do with the kiss. Since he was still at work, we decided that we would continue the conversation later that night.

We started talking again, basically jumping right into it. He didn't mind the kiss or the intended destination, as long as it was just a peck. Anything more than that would be pushing boundaries...and that's when we started having a great heart to heart discussion about the boundaries and where they lie for him as that has been one of my biggest problems trying to figure out. He apologized for being kinda "wishy washy" which I appreciated immensely.

We were really covering just about everything from his feelings and decision and started with my feelings when things went sour. I was having trouble phrasing a question so that it wasn't pushing or feeling like a "you owe me" type of thing. Lets just say, that's when things got f'd up. The way I phrased it was, "What would you you feel comfortable and agree to granting me, if I were to ask for "one thing" to be granted?" It was a rephrasing of the idea of, "I don't ask for much, will you do this one thing for me?" But I wanted him to have the option of saying he wouldn't be comfortable with anything, plus if there was something he was comfortable with, I wouldn't have to deal with the rejection of asking for things I know he would not agree to.

This is when I started getting hurt. He was taking this question to mean that I didn't care about his feelings and decisions and that I just have to keep pressing the issue. I feel as if I'm trying to cover all the bases, to get rid of any lingering questions and hopes that I have that could germinate into problems later.

The end of the conversation got a bit worse as I was feeling hurt but I didn't want to hurt his feelings just because mine were.

I am sorry. I don't know how else to express it without making it sound like I'm trying to change your mind or make you do something you don't want to do. I don't want it to sound like a "you owe me" kind of thing either. It's hard because, even if it's not true, I am seeing our relationship right now as almost a you getting almost everything you want and I giving up almost everything I want...except for our friendship which I never would want to give up. I'm sorry if it hurts to hear this, but I'm trying to be honest with how I feel now and believe me it hurts to write this too.

If it didn't come out clear in that paragraph, I don't feel like you owe me anything and I don't want you thinking you do either.

I'm sorry, I'm making this hard on us both... my stupid little festering thoughts.

I wish I could just say, Okay! and that's that. it would definitely make my life a hell of a lot easier.

I've been trying so hard the last couple months to just be friends like I said I would...I guess things are just finally coming to a boil inside me and starting to overflow.

What really hurts is that this is how I truly feel. He says stop, I stop. He says go, I go. I've spent so much time and energy trying to make sure he is comfortable with our friendship and I'm walking on eggshells hoping he doesn't take something I say or do wrong and think I'm trying something.

At this point, he had to log off. Stress levels were high and our 2 1/2 hour conversation was coming to a screeching halt. This is the same thing that happened when I wrote that "I'm done" email to him.

Of course I sent him another email. This one trying to explain better what I was trying to express.

I guess the question I was trying to ask would be, is there anything that you would be comfortable with doing. This could range from something as simple as my head on your shoulder while we watched a movie to whatever on the other extreme. I would have understood if you said, “at this time, no.” I was almost expecting that. I honestly don’t know where all of your boundaries are, but I know we were making some headway with defining them before I started opening my big mouth again.

I try to be diplomatic but sometimes it fails me as well…but the other end than how it fails you at times. You try to say just enough and I end up saying too much… or at least too much too fast. I hope you can at least understand where those feelings are coming from, from the hurt and heart-broken girl who fell so deep so fast only to have the rug pulled out from under her time and again. I wanted to tell you how I was feeling without sounding like I was trying to hurt you or cause you pain, without the selfish “you owe me” feel, but I guess I failed at that. Can you at least see why I might be feeling that way, that I feel like I keep giving into what you want or don’t want and getting “nothing” in return, no compromise, no give and take? I put “nothing” in quotes because the one thing I do get, one of the things that I do desperately want to keep, is your friendship, which by continually trying to be honest about how I feel, I seem to put it in jeopardy.


Now I am feeling like just because he has stated his feelings and decision, my feelings don't really matter, that his should put an end to it. When I was trying to be honest with him and with myself I was not trying to change his mind or put pressure on him. Our relationship is not a debate with one side trying to prove the other wrong, but it should be a deliberation where we both feel free to express our opinions and feelings without fearing censure or judgment. Maybe he is not used to that kind of relationship, maybe he is not ready for us to have that kind of friendship and I am just a shoulder and emotion receptacle because sometimes when I try to express my feelings, he makes it sound like I'm trying to change his mind, pressure him, or just plain ignoring his feelings.

I keep going back and forth between depressed, rejected, upset, angry, tired, and just plain done. Maybe it is time to call it quits and work on finding that switch to turn off the feelings of "more" that keep getting me in trouble and increasing the heartache. This is so not good for me and my blood pressure and it is most definitely not good for the baby.

Well, I will let you know what he says regarding the email and whether we finish our conversation or just call that part of our relationship as over and done with... again giving in to his wants and desires... and I dealing with my feelings in silence and almost solitude again.

I really appreciate you guys and this forum. I don't have anyone other than my husband to talk to about these things and it's not every day that your hubby is ok sitting up late holding you while you cry your heart out over another man. Cajun was even ready to "let" me "go all the way" with Elric if that is what we decided to do. With all the mixed messages I was getting, I felt it important to discuss the possibility with Cajun and he really has embraced the whole Poly idea. He even said that if I do start a relationship with Elric, or anyone else, he might even try looking around. I'm very proud of him and so happy to have him with me and in my life. He has been more supportive of me and my problems then I could ever have expected. So I guess one positive thing has come out of this entire debacle of a night.

Ah well, we take the bad with the good as best we can. So now I await any comments or crits or just hugs and voices of support. Thanks for taking the time to read this insanely long post. I guess I just really needed to vent.

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks "V"....you frustrate the crap out of me but thanks for sharing this :)

[vandalin]

Frustrate the crap out of you? LMAO! How do you think I feel. :)

It was very cathartic to share all of that though, sorry if it went a bit stream of consciousness on y'all.

[MonoVCPHG]

All good Vandalin :)

[RickPlus]

Hi Vandalin, everyone.
I expect that this post won't help at all, but here I go.

It seems to me you're just tormenting yourself. I would drop him and move on. If only our hearts listened to such logic.

When I was in high school I was totally in love with this girl who had no interest in me. I didn't want to pester her to death, so I limited myself to asking her out / suggesting things for us to do to only one thing per month. I think I tempted her a few times, but she always said no. Likely to prevent me from getting my hopes up when she had no interest. In that respect she was kinder than Elric is, I guess.

I spent way too much time thinking about her. Thinking about her made my heart soar. For something like 2.5 years I was IN LOVE.

Then one day I realized it might be possible to not love her.
The next day I realized that I likely didn't love her.
The day after, I just felt tired when I thought of her.

And that was that. I never bothered her again. The thing that impressed me is how suddenly a couple year obsession ended.

Perhaps you should cyber flirt with someone else. Get a tiny touch of NRE going with someone else to distract you?

I offer this advice full knowing that if someone had given me similar advice when I had this obsession with my lady love, I would have agreed with them, and it would have had NO effect on my emotions. You can't command your emotions. But you can command what you do, and I think it is time for you to spend time with others.

I wish you the best, Warm regards, Rick.

[Ceoli]

Maybe it is time to call it quits and work on finding that switch to turn off the feelings of "more" that keep getting me in trouble and increasing the heartache. This is so not good for me and my blood pressure and it is most definitely not good for the baby.

Feelings don't follow instructions and don't easily get turned off, but hurt feelings do heal. Treat it like you'd treat a wound. Care for it, clean it, give it time to heal.

[vandalin]

Thanks Rick and Ceoli.

Rick, thank you for your story and yes, it does feel that way sometimes. He makes me feel like I'm back in high school sometimes with how anxious I'd get when we do get to spend any time together. But I will wait on the flirting thing. I have a habit of jumping off the deep end (as you can probably see) and I'd hate to hurt someone or get hurt even more. I have thought about trying to find someone else to help take my mind off Elric, but that really wouldn't be fair to the new guy.

Ceoli, you are right. I do have to clean out the wound, cauterize it, and let it heal. It is probably a good thing that I won't be back in IL for a few months (unless something bad happens in the family) so we can start to establish our plutonic friendship again.

Since my last monster post, nothing has happened with Elric. I posted a comment on one of his statuses and he replies, just like nothing is different, but he hasn't tried talking to me yet which is ok. I am hoping to get some sort of reply to my email but if not then I will probably send one more and then stick to the final "I'm done." I don't think I would have brought any of this stuff up with him if we hadn't been having such a good heart to heart and since his defensive response is to go on the offensive, I guess I'm tired of feeling like the bad guy when there really isn't a bad guy.

I will always love Elric and that is fine, but as Mono pointed out in the original starting topic, it's how you need to express your love that matters. It doesn't have to have a physical expression like sex...and I think I may be starting to get that feeling and understanding finally. I know that in time I will be able to love him as just a friend and that hugs and a kiss on the cheek (which he is ok with) will be all I need to express how I feel.

Little Blue Engine thanks you for your support. ;) I think I can I think I can...

[MonoVCPHG]

Little Blue Engine thanks you for your support. ;) I think I can I think I can...

I know you can :)

[vandalin]

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse...

Saturday night Elric and I had another talk. This was instigated by a new email I sent him requesting that we talk about a decision I had made. Or more, I was in the process of making. I had decided that it might be a good idea to "unfriend" each other on Facebook for the rest of my pregnancy (three months) and then start fresh in July. We could still email or text if something big happened, we wouldn't be ending our friendship, which neither wanted, but trying to back up a little.

When I was coming to this decision, I was afraid that he might "unfriend" me out of anger and not tell me what was going on (as another friend had basically done last Saturday). I was tired of other people making decisions that effected my life and as I didn't want to do the same I sent the email asking him to talk with me about this.

We had another very good conversation and it ended well. At least I thought so. I told him what I was thinking, assured him that I still wanted to be friends and that this would be a temporary thing, but I was still unsure if I wanted to take such a drastic step. He had said that he had thought about it from time to time as well when he was really upset and frustrated with me and my "not taking his word at face value," but felt that doing so would be hiding and he did not want to hide.

Things were explained and smoothed out and the unloading from both sides helped me feel less afraid and cornered into doing something like this. I said that I wanted to think about it a couple more days and he said "take your time." Then we said good night.

Sunday rolls around and I'm feeling pretty good. We both had our say and it looked like things were getting back on track. I was very proud that I was able to distract myself from thinking about him for the first time in a long time. He popped on that night for a few minutes and then off and I thought nothing of it really as he does that on occasion.

Later I was finishing up some of the games I play there and noticed that on some of the games we had both been playing, he wasn't showing up on my "team" anymore. I went and checked to see if he was still playing the game through the game page and he wasn't listed as a "friend playing". I thought it was kinda strange so I went to leave a message on his wall to see what was up.

I couldn't access his wall. He "unfriended" me. I thought that being told that he couldn't have a sexual relationship or a romantic relationship hurt, I thought that being told that he only loved me as a friend hurt...but this? It would have been one thing if he had said something to me, especially in light of how well our conversation seemed to have gone, but not even to send a message... I feel like a part of me is missing.

I sent him an email to see what happened as I am totally at a loss...I honestly have no clue what could have happened in 24 hours that made him do this. A small part of me is hoping it was just a mistake, hit the wrong link or something, but I know better than that.

I sat and cried for almost two hours most of which Cajun curled around me and handed me tissues (he is wonderful to me). He tried to cheer me up a little or at least ease the pain by saying things like, maybe Elric couldn't handle waiting to see if I did it and just did it himself, to which I replied, well at least I would have said something to him first.

I hate using the phrase "fair" but this feels so unfair. I thought we were finally, finally getting things on the right track, that we might actually get it right this time. With him not saying anything to me, it feels more final then what I had planned.

Now I have to wait and see if he replies to my email and see what he has to say. I think part of me would be angry that he had given me no reason to think he would do this but I'm just hurting too much right now. I feel so lost. I was reconciled and even coming to look forward to just being friends...and now this happens... how many more adjectives can I use to describe how I am feeling right now?

I have to go and try to take my mind off of this (yeah right) at least for a little while. I don't need my mom asking questions with my eyes as puffy as they are. Time to go act like a normal reclusive pregnant woman as opposed to the depressed and destroyed lump that I feel like right now. How melodramatic, eh?

[SourGirl]

" With him not saying anything to me, it feels more final then what I had planned. "

...Then what you had planned ? He needs to be left alone, not answering for his every action. He is not helping matters, when he gives you hope. You seem to be hurting so bad, you see 'hope' with each small gesture.


I am sorry you are going through all this hurt and pain. It is hard to let go of someone we love. Sometimes the Drama is all we have left, and we clutch to it, because our heart feels, that it is better then nothing. Each conversation,.....no matter the topic, is a way to keep the drama alive.

In order to be friends, you have to give yourself time away from each other.

Let your hearts heal, then broach it months down the road, and see if the friendship still exsists.


It is definetly one of those times, where it`s easy to see on the outside looking in, but very hard for the person living it, to come to terms with it all. I don`t comment out of any feeling of superiority. I think in many ways, most of us have been where you are at.

Take that great husband of yours, and focus the energy there. :) Someone else said to flirt and look around a little. It appears you may have become so absorbed in Elric, your heart forgets others exsist.


Take a deep breath, and lift your eyes, from off the ground. You need to force yourself to do the actions, (stay away from him) and THEN your heart, will heal, and your head will clear.


Be well.

[redsirenn]

I Totally agree, couldn't have said it better.

[vandalin]

Thank you for your input SJ and RS. And yes it is one of those times where it is easier said from the outside than done from the inside. Although I feel I need to defend myself on a couple of points.

I am not asking him to explain every action. I am only asking for an explanation as to this sudden turn around. It was not just in my mind or a seed of hope for more (which is finally quenched) that makes me think that our conversation went well. It was actual and mutual as he said that he felt better too with the unloading.

Secondly, he and I have hardly talked over the last few months other than the casual, "Hey, how are you?" small talk. We live 400 miles apart so it's not like we can see each other that often and when we saw each other last, things went very well, including the platonic kiss which at first caused me worry. We commented on walls and sent game gifts and that was about it for our communications. These last two talks were more in depth and more like what we started with when we first started forging our friendship, even before we started to think of each other as a possible more. It felt good and right to be going back to that.

As for the quote of mine that you used, I had never intended for the split to be final. It would have been more like a cast to help the wounds heal. This feels like an amputation with no warning. Even the other guy who I mentioned had the decency to send a message telling me his wife was insecure and jealous if we were just talking about the weather. Elric needn't IM me but an email or message just saying that unfriending for a while might be the best after all would have been decent and would not have filled me with any false hopes.

Yes, I am hurt. Who wouldn't be? Did I become so absorbed in Elric that I had forgotten there are others out there. Not exactly. Elric was the beginning of this whole poly journey for us, he is what inspired it. I don't even know if I would want a relationship outside of Cajun and I. I know I have mentioned that I hate dating. I hated "looking for love." I also will not subject someone new to a broken person which is the point that I am at right now. Jumping in so quickly only leads to more heartache.

I honestly and truly believe that after Saturday nights conversation, my heart was starting to heal, that seed of "hoping for more" had finally been dug out along with the roots. I felt better about where we were at then I had in a long time. This unfriending was not just a band-aid being ripped off, it was like having the scab ripped off along with surrounding skin and then lemon juice and salt being poured on and rubbed. This was the opposite of an anti-septic, this was having gangrene rubbed in. This was about the friendship, not about any notions of more.

I know that if I don't hear from him soon, I know I will have to just go on. I will stick to the original decision idea and after my baby is born I will attempt to friend him and see what happens.

I'm sorry if it seems like I am attacking you, but I am only attacking the ideas (and yes there is a huge difference). I am very much on the defensive right now as you can imagine. I do thank you for your input and in time, yes, I will be able to completely let go of the pain...but right now, that is not possible as it is too fresh.

[SourGirl]

As the title says, I don`t feel attacked, nor do my ideas, actually.

Point of view is the difference, that is all. :)

Speaking of points, here are a few ;

- Distance does not stop a relationship. If the person is on your mind, and in your heart still. If you think about them often, see them in gaming-world, profiles, forums, emails, etc, ...Then they are still, ' In Your Life '.

- He has explained many things, and you two seem to see things differently. Your POV`s differ, and the roller coaster conversations are proof of that.

- To talk and flirt a little with others is harmless. It is acceptable, and normal to get to know other people. You can be upfront about your broken heart, and need to heal, while still developing friendships. No expectations should come of that.

As they say,.."Nothing good ever came easy.."

...The flip side to that is;

"Nothing worthwhile ever came forced. "


Try to take everything typed, as food for thought, not a criticism. That is the spirit in which it was given. :) We all respond to each others stories, and remarks, as a way to hopefully help each other grow, and see various points of view. Feel free to remind me of that sometime, when I post a story ;)



All in all, I wish you the best, no matter the outcome. Can`t wait to hear of the new baby ,...that will be a definite joy !

[redsirenn]

It is definetly one of those times, where it`s easy to see on the outside looking in, but very hard for the person living it, to come to terms with it all.



Vandalin -

I really didn't take any of what you said as an "attack" on me. I have totally been where you are, and felt how you feel before - so I understand.

Maybe what he did is really to the benefit of you and your friendship together in the long run. He may have done you a favor. Ripping the bandaid off and making a unilateral decision for himself and what he wanted may be the only way he could send you a clear message that he needs space. He has every right to do that.

I honestly think you also need space, and I suggest you don't try to contact him for an explanation. His actions said it all. If it was a mistake, or there was more to say, he will contact you on his own time.

Have you ever heard of the "no contact rule"? I am a big fan of this. If you end a relationship (this also can mean the changing of one) sometimes, no contact can give you the opportunity to refocus, clear your head, etc.

Sometimes it is more appropriate than others. This situation seems like the perfect time to put this in place. No contact mean no contact. at all. No facebook, No calls, No texts, No anonymous cyber stalking, etc.

You will know when it is time to break the no contact time period. You will feel like your old self again. You will be happy with your current life. You will not feel the need for contact.

Some may say this is harsh. But, I know it has worked for me, and allowed for the rebuilding of friendships that are true and relaxed. ( I have a pretty good "ex to friends" track record!)

RS

[vandalin]

He just friended me again and told me that he thought he would give me a "boost" as I seemed determined to resolve the issue. He didn't mean it as a surprise and apologized if the intention was misunderstood.

I think I had just hoped that this could be a mutual agreement and not a unilateral decision. I'm tired of others making decisions for me and I don't like making decisions for others.

I just wanted another day or two to decide if this was what I/we needed, not have it sprung on me.

Perhaps if this was his way of agreeing with me, then maybe it would be best. But as a door closing, not being slammed.

[vandalin]

Feeling pretty decent right now. We weren't really able to talk much as he was at work. But I decided that yes, taking a break would be good for both of us. I sent him an email telling him this and a few other things that I needed to say. And although it did sting a little to "unfriend" him, this time I know things are okay and that in July we can start fresh, not start over, but (as I seem to be big on this theme lately) as a phoenix rises from the ashes our friendship will rise and be brighter than before.

Little Engine that Could is now saying, "I know I can, I know I can."

The most frustrating person may finally have a little peace with that seed of "wanting more" thoroughly disposed of and finally...finally ready for the future.

And no, I don't plan on seeking out anyone new just yet...I've got enough on my plate with the upcoming baby and potential moving and 3 yr old daughter and wonderful husband and helpful mother. :) But as I have a smile on my face and a smile in my heart, this is plenty for now. Thank you again for all of your advice and support. I will still be poking around whether we do become actively poly or not.

[MonoVCPHG]

Thank you again for all of your advice and support. I will still be poking around whether we do become actively poly or not.

You better poke around..or we'll find you...we'll break out the poly sniffer dogs...they specialize in people with huge hearts so you are an easy catch :)

Take care
Mono

[vandalin]

aw shucks. :) You so sweet! Thanks.

[vandalin]

So, it's been almost two weeks with no contact between me and Elric except one short email to him basically saying that what sucks most about not being friends on FB is that I can't TP his barn on FarmVille. If you don't play any of the games there, you may not get the reference, but basically it was just a friendly little note, no whining, weeping, wailing, "miss you's" (technically) or any of that. Just a Happy April Fools Day and watch out for the pranksters.

Except now, after almost two weeks, I'm wondering why we are really doing this. I know that a part of it is to "prove" that I am truly done with wanting a relationship more than friendship, but how does us not being FB friends and not communicating at all prove anything? I suppose if you look at it from a "can she follow through" POV, ok... but this just seems silly. I've actually seen him online more these last two weeks since he turned one of his other IM accounts on again (which he hadn't been using for the last month or so).

I am willing to continue with this, but I am starting to wonder the purpose. Is he truly getting anything out of this? I don't feel that I am as I thought I would. I really think that my turning point was after our Saturday chat and before he unfriended me that first time. I reacted strongly because I thought we were finally getting on the same page and I was finally happy with where we were and where we were headed, then poof!

Anyway, I guess I'm saying that I miss my friend. I miss hearing about his daughter and how his life is going. Just typical friend things really. I'm not having "withdrawals" from our chats like I used to when we first started chatting; it's more of just a general ache when you miss a good friend. I like that that is the extent of how I am feeling. It's reassuring that I'm finally where I need to be emotionally in order to have a platonic friendship with him.

I would love for him to make the first move and either friend me or email/text/IM me to see how I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure he won't, at least not for a month or so, because he is unsure of how I might react or if it will set me back again. Sure, part of the reason is because it would be nice for some confirmation that he and I are ok and that he is not upset with me anymore, maybe even that he believes that I am OK now. But part is also because I can't back down now from what I said, no matter how silly and senseless this seems to me now. So other than a text for Easter and a message as to when I'll be having my c-section, that's probably all the communication we will have for the next couple months...and it sucks.

So, that's where I am at right now. I'll keep y'all posted. :)

[NeonKaos]

I thought you two re-friended each other already.

I can't keep up with all this.

[vandalin]

lol, that's ok Ygirl. Life is a rollercoaster and sometimes it is hard to keep up with the turns and rises and falls. Actually it's more like a soap opera. ;)

We had refriended basically for a day because what he thought was helping, him unfriending me to give me a boost to my proposed decision, ended up throwing me for a complete loop as I had no idea why he did it. We talked a bit, but as it was during his work day we couldn't talk a lot. I then sent him an email that night confirming that ok, let's do this. We both seemed to "need time" and so I/we agreed to a hiatus from FB friend stuff but not email, text or other IM until after my baby was born. So we are currently on that break.

Kinda clarify?

[vandalin]

This little girl is happier than a tornado in a trailer park (love that line!)

So, in essence I made the first move. Elric and another mutual friend "friended" each other on FB and since I had been such a good girl lately I thought I'd take a peek at his profile and see if he had gotten the new job or added pics of his daughter. What I saw worried me and so I took the chance and asked if everything was ok.

We talked a bit that first night and he actually thanked me for asking, then last night I sent him a YouTube video, basically a hang on you aren't alone type of song, and also a link to a project I was working on with him in mind (he's thinking of starting his own business) and the resulting reply was a friend request telling me that he's missed me and how I always seem to know what to say to get his head on straight or at least make him smile. :)

So we are friends again and it feels good. I have a smile on my face and a smile in my heart and no doubts or reservations in the slightest. Damn it feels good. I'd say we are finally back to normal, but our normal really hasn't been that healthy so I'll just say, we are finally back and life seems good. :)

The rollercoaster is soaring high, hopefully it can stay that way for a while if not permanently. :D

[vandalin]

Copied from another thread to keep from derailing that thread...hope the mods don't mind the semi-double post. :rolleyes:

sucky, sucky and more sucky. I found out this afternoon that I do indeed have Gestational Diabetes to go with my high blood pressure which could eventually turn into preclampsia (again). I didn't have the GD last time, just the preclampsia. So now I have to start going to a new dr. and find out if I have to do insulin or if diet will be enough. :( To top it off, Cajun is on a plane right now to NC for work and won't be back until late tomorrow night (maybe not even early Friday morning depending on flight delays and crap). My first apt and class is Friday and in order for him to go, which I know when I do get to tell him tonight he will want to go to, means he would have to take basically the entire day off of work and I don't think he'll be able to do that easily. Right now I just wish I had my wonderful supportive Cajun to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. I'm not too worried, but this really is not a good thing. Not only is baby and I at higher risk then before, but now I am also at a higher risk of developing full blown diabetes later and I really don't want to have to deal with that. I like my Mommy Dew!!! and the diet and sugar free stuff sucks beyond belief!

[vandalin]

So it's been awhile since I've updated my "blog" here and I don't like being on the second page either. ;)

Still coming to my own realizations and understandings when it comes to Elric. We are doing really well in our friendship although we don't talk as much as I would like, once a week maybe. But he did just start a new job which is great and hopefully will boost his confidence and self-esteem again.

Me... I am finding that I still love him as much as I did last year (wow we are coming up on a full year of this, in fact yesterday would be our "one year") and I still would love to have more than just the platonic relationship that we have, but I am ok with not pursuing it. Maybe this is what Mono meant before when he said that "It's a matter of getting passed the physical methods of sharing that love..."

I'm not sure where I'm heading with this, maybe just to put down the thoughts that have been in my brain the last few weeks. Just kinda rambling I guess. The hormones make me do it!

[vandalin]

I may be suffering from a slight case of NRE...more details as they come. :D

[vandalin]

Yep, definitely getting those NRE hormones ramping thanks to OKC and a Ren Faire costume. lol

I received a message from a gent who was very interested in meeting me and finds me very attractive. We've talked a few times this week, nice long convos, some flirting, a bit of discussing what we are looking for, etc. And now I really want to meet this guy. I've had a smile on my face more this week than I have since the NRE days of Elric and myself.

I don't usually move this fast, chatting to meeting I mean, but something feels good and right. My only reservations are that he has never been in a poly or open relationship, and this may be a rebound for him.

On the positive side again, this could be good for Cajun and I as this would be another first for us... me dating. And even if this turns out to be just a short term thing, at least we will have more experience and know better what we can handle. If it ends up being more long term...then we will have other things to deal with.

So it looks like Vandalin may be joining the poly ranks again as opposed to just sitting on the sidelines. :)

[Ariakas]

Congrats, enjoy the NRE feeling and dating...

[vandalin]

I hate NRE. Can't control myself sometimes and get over eager. Well, hopefully we'll see if I scared the guy off soon. At least this time is was only short lived and not almost a year worth of emotional turmoil.

*edit to add rant and thoughts...
Here's the problem. When something like this happens, where you are having a great conversation and are starting to plan getting together and he suddenly vanishes from the conversation and you don't hear from him in two days yet see him popping on and off line again, if I am more upset with him for not letting me know what's going on or at myself for for getting paranoid or interested so quickly.

I mean we were in the middle of figuring out where to meet and there were no indications that something was wrong, then poof, he's logged off. Technical error is possible as he didn't come on again that night. But the next day I see him on and off both his OKC and Gmail accounts and I sent an IM once or twice, really only once or twice, and received nothing back. No reply, no message. I sent a message last night with a location but wanted his feedback for when (for obvious reasons) and I even went out on a limb and left my number... no reply, again.

So am I being paranoid thinking that he's now avoiding me for some reason unknown to me when in fact he's just been really busy and hasn't had the time to write back, or did he "chicken out" and either doesn't feel the need to say, "sorry not interested anymore" or just doesn't know what to say to me.

Over analyze much? So when I say I hate NRE, I suppose I mean that I hate when NRE lets me down or builds me up too high. Bah...too much time on my hands and not enough brain numbing activities to occupy it. lol

[vandalin]

So we talked again and were in the middle of setting up the get together and he disappeared again. Could be bad connection or something, that's fine. I sent him a message Sunday night telling him I'm still interested in meeting him and asking if he was changing his mind or had any concerns. No reply, and he's not replying to my 2-3 IM's so I'm done trying. I told him that he can find me if he wants to and I'll stop bugging him.

Hurts a little cause of that darned NRE. Was getting all excited at meeting him and seeing how well we got along and what kind of RL chemistry there might be. But hey, it happens. So either he'll contact me or not. I'll go on with life. :(

[vandalin]

So, last guy is out of the picture, he never contacted me and I'm ok with that. Now on to the new stuff...

So I don't know if I mentioned anywhere (I can't find any posts) about one of the other guys that I started talking to through OKC. He had IM'd me after doing a search and started asking me about being pregnant. I thought it was kinda funny and so after a few more questions I basically asked if he had a pregnancy fetish and that if he did, it was ok but just be honest about it. I think I shocked him. He admitted to it and apologized about not coming out about it right away because normally when he says anything to other preg gals, they freak out.

We started having conversations every day or two, nothing serious just chatting about this and that although he'd ask the same couple of questions each time and I admit it was getting a little disappointing. Then one day I came online and when he said hi I stated some of the problems I was having that day and he basically said, oh that sucks... whatcha wearing? (one of those questions) I ended the conversation, kinda avoided him for a couple days and when he found me again I told him what was up. He apologized and we had our FIRST normal, non sexual/fetish-like conversation. It was kinda refreshing.

We've now been talking for about 2.5 months, bouncing between totally platonic conversations and flirting. We live over 1000 miles apart and he's not really interested in getting involved in a poly relationship but he likes me as a person, probably cause he finds the honesty refreshing, and he's attracted to me (even without the baby belly).

Within the last week or so he's had some romance issues and we had talked about them and I think really bonded platonically. But we've also started getting more intense in the flirting too, not cybering mind you, but definitely suggestive and arousing for both of us. I let him have my cell number and we texted for a few days and then I finally said he could call. Dang, what a voice! lol If a person could fall just from a voice, I'd be head over heels. But that's what seems strange to me. I even relented and sent him a couple pics (nothing x rated mind you, maybe pg-13 though) including one that Cajun took and "approved" of himself.

We've talked about meeting in person, he'd take a trip out here as his best friend lives out here as well, and we'd get together. And by getting together we both think and feel that certain things would happen, and we both want them to happen. The strange part is that I have no clue how I really feel about him. He's a really sweet guy, a total ladies man in a good way, cute in a cuddly sweet kind of way, and I've mentioned his voice. ;) I can definitely see us as friends for a long long time, but being sexually intimate while having no real romantic feelings for him?

This is one of the things that I've been pondering lately, bed rest gives one lots of time to do nothing after all. This question came up for me with the last guy and has come to the forefront again with ... hmm, a name for him. I'll come up with something later ... this one.

I have had one sexual relationship before where I knew there would be no real future and there were definitely no romantic feelings, so I know that it is within me. But that was also shortly after a really bad breakup and I think it was more about feeling desired then anything else. I honestly don't think that being sexually intimate with this guy will "cause" me to fall for him, I'm not really even getting the normal NRE feelings, at least nothing on the scale of a real romantic attachment.

The one lucky thing about all this is that I do have time to figure out how I really feel and what I might be comfortable with (and Cajun too, not meaning to leave him out of this in any way). He wouldn't be able to come visit for 6 months or more and alot can happen in that time, including he could get a real girlfriend in which case he would not be able to do anything other than hangout with me, and I wouldn't do anything with him unless I had her ok anyways.

I think what seems to be bothering me most though, is that I could love him as a friend and normally I think that I would, but something seems to be holding me back. I don't get any negative feelings about him, I'm not worried that he'll stop talking to me next week after the baby is born and I'm not pregnant any more. But I definitely feel like there is something keeping me from feeling more than simple friendship...which for me is very strange considering how much and what we've talked about (non sexually speaking). He says that he loves me as a friend and that he feels a special bond between us, he even texted me after my apt. yesterday to make sure I was ok, and I'm here plucking at the strings of our relationship trying to find those strands he's speaking of to see how I feel, yet coming up strangely silent. Just a bit confused right now but at least it's not a roller coaster confusion again.

Ok, this was another one of my long info dump postings apparently. lol A bit less dramatic than usual and I'm not sure if it's been helpful to me yet or not. Ah well. Another week and my brain will be filled with feeding, sleeping and new baby.

[Morningglory629]

:D Best of luck for the coming week! Thoughts and prayers (I don't know if you have an ism...but I am Catholic...so I pray) are with you and the baby! Take care of yourself. Mani and pedi in a couple of weeks or some other me time activity mamacita!:)

[vandalin]

Thanks MG! Although I don't really have an -ism, all positive thoughts and prayers are always welcome. :) Me time activity will be getting my hair washed again! lol Maybe a date with the hubby/daddy too would be nice.

[vandalin]

So baby is here, my little Prince, and we are all very happy to finally have him home and attached to me on the outside as opposed to the inside. He's doing really well and it is nice not to have more stress from what could have been another screamer in the house. He is so mellow, I just hope it lasts. :D

While in the hospital my LD friend, who I still can't come up with a proper name for, was very attentive, wanting to talk and make sure I was doing ok, but I only really talked to him once and that was the day I finally got out of the hospital. It was probably the hormones going wacky again, but I actually felt more distanced from him then before. I would text him and not get a reply at times which kinda hurt, and the one time we were going to try to talk things kept popping up and getting in the way. I told him how I was feeling and he reassured me that everything was fine, he wasn't going anywhere because I wasn't pregnant anymore and that if I ever needed to talk just say so and he would call.

I've been talking to him the last hour or so and he was telling me about the girl he had hung out with and how he was feeling about her and the other girl he's kinda interested in and I feel envious. Not jealous (if I can't have it, you can't have it) but envious (dang, I wish I could have that). I don't mind listening to him talk about these gals, I actually enjoy hearing about his "adventures" which are mostly pg rated anyways.

I'm going somewhere with this, really I am. lol One thing that I discovered while still in the hospital is that I do love him, but it's different than I'm used to. It's very subtle and quiet, no heart pounding rushes or electric jolts or anything like that, just one minute it wasn't there and the next it was. I'm not "in love" with him and I don't know if that could/would ever happen. But I "like" him that way I suppose, and I love him as a friend.

I'm not sure why this is so weird for me. I have male friends who I love as friends, some of which I find attractive, so what makes this one so different?

[Morningglory629]

I've been talking to him the last hour or so and he was telling me about the girl he had hung out with and how he was feeling about her and the other girl he's kinda interested in and I feel envious. Not jealous (if I can't have it, you can't have it) but envious (dang, I wish I could have that). I don't mind listening to him talk about these gals, I actually enjoy hearing about his "adventures" which are mostly pg rated anyways.


This is very sweet and human and applicable to anyone who has felt they needed something more in his/her life. Not so strange at all. We have all different kinds of ways to love and cherish friendships.
Love to you, family and the new Prince!

[vandalin]

It's been a month and a half since my last update and I have news! Two news actually, but first I'll start by saying that Mommy and little Prince are both doing well, things are going not quite smoothly but close enough...and here I will pause to re-plug the baby. lol

Alrighty then, on to the new developments. I've mentioned previously about my LDR friend who up until now I haven't come with a creative nom de plume. I shall now name him... Bucky. So my friend Bucky is coming to visit, a lot sooner than we all had expected. Originally he wouldn't have been able to afford it for at least 6 months to a year. He's planning on coming in October! :) He and I are very excited, we are already trying to plan what to do and we don't know exactly which weekend he's coming yet. We both really want to meet each other and get to know each other in person and more intimately. I foresee some definite physical contact happening, in fact I will probably stay at the hotel with him one or two nights...but I think that would happen anyways.

I know that previously I said I wasn't sure how or what I felt about him, but I'm ok with not being able to define it now. I care for him very much, I love him as a friend, and I think I would love to share myself physically with him ...if that makes sense. "Intimate friends" I think is what I saw it referred as.

The hard part with Bucky is that he is mono, and although he is okay with me being married and in an open/poly relationship, he is uncomfortable and a bit jealous if I mention other guys I talk to. I knew it was a subject that had to be discussed because even though we are not a "couple" we are friends and have strong feelings for each other. I told him that it was up to him whether he wanted to know about any other guy I am interested in or go on dates with. He feels bad and not as good a friend, but he doesn't really want to hear about it. I told him that it was alright and that I understood, and that I won't discuss my dating with him. I'm not a big supporter of the DADT policy, but since we are not "together" and even when he does visit, that will probably be a one time thing (unless I go visit him which is another thought altogether), so I think it would be alright. I did tell him that as far as having sex with anyone else, that he shouldn't worry, that I would really like for him to be my "first" if we are to have sex. So unless we were to try to meet up again in the future, any other sexual relations I have would be irrelevant to him.

Which brings me to my second bit of news. I have a date. :D This gentleman I will call Carl. No, that's not his name, but he looks more like a Carl than what his name really is. So I met Carl through OKC. He sent me a message not long after the little Prince was born, and he was doing a search for poly people and that I was one of the only newer poly's that he's found. Conversation ensued for the last two months where I found out that he and his wife are in a similar situation that Cajun and I are in. His wife came out as poly and he is working on accepting it and embracing the lifestyle himself. His wife has a BF and he is looking for community and dating. He asked me out last week and we are getting together Monday night for "coffee" and ice cream. :)

I think what I like best about Carl is that unlike the other guys that I'm talking to, he and I haven't talked about sex at all. Don't get me wrong, the other guys talk about other things, but flirting and sex seem to be most on their minds or at least their fingertips. So I am actually very glad that Carl was the first to ask and we were able to set something up so quickly. He is also very respectful and understanding of Cajun and the possible emotions that he might feel while we are out on our date. He even put himself out as the "sacrificial lamb" of a first date to help us along the poly path. ;) And even if there is no chemistry, we at least come away with a common goal of understanding this thing called Poly.

So this is where I'm at. Comments, questions and critiques are always welcome.

And as a final note, Cajun has finally joined the forums! I know everyone here will be as helpful to him as you have for me, but I must warn you...if you thought my rambling posts are long, just wait. ;)

[vandalin]

!@#$@#@#@%!^$#$#%!$%#%!$%@

Translation to come later. :( :( :( :( :(

In-house support error second tier... please pause system for cool down.


Yeah, I know it's been awhile and this post is weird, but bear with me...a lot has happened in the last 2 months... past 2 weeks especially.

[Morningglory629]

!@#$@#@#@%!^$#$#%!$%#%!$%@

Translation to come later. :( :( :( :( :(

In-house support error second tier... please pause system for cool down.


Yeah, I know it's been awhile and this post is weird, but bear with me...a lot has happened in the last 2 months... past 2 weeks especially.

Hi ya Van...waiting for the word processing to happen. Very cryptic! Just know I am thinking about ya and hoping you are ok.:(

[vandalin]

I can't believe that it's been 6 months! since my last update. Bad Van! Bad!

So short version of the last 6 months... My little Prince is almost 10 months old, my Jewel is now 4 years old and Cajun and I are leaving Friday for our 5 year Anniversary trip and will be gone for 2 whole weeks! (no kids, no family, no drama!) I am poly-single still. Things didn't work out with Carl (see above), worse than I thought but not totally surprised. Bucky and I still talk every day almost and are really good friends. I've talked to a few more guys and met two, one is now a friend and one..."well the ice cream was good" is how I felt about meeting him.

Cajun and I are doing really well. He is still not looking for "outside attention" but is still very supportive of my searches. A realization I came to in the last few months that I keep asking myself... when did I become a MILF?!

I am getting tired of the "dating scene" already. Most guys who contact me are in their early or mid 20's, possibly cougar hunters, and are mostly just looking for sex, which is not what I'm looking for... at least not solely looking for. I figured that the best way to describe what I'm looking for is rather simple, I'm looking for a boyfriend. Someone to go out on dates with, someone to hang out with, someone to be a little (or a lot) physical with, someone who wants or is willing to allow romantic feelings grow between us.

As for the last message that was all confusing and such. Short story is my sis and I had a bit of a flare up since being told about hubby and my open relationship and I went to talk to Elric about what she had said and to get his opinion. He worded things very very badly, so badly that I had to leave the conversation in tears. He apologized the next day and explained what he was trying to say. It's kinda messy when someone doesn't agree with what you are doing but stands behind and supports you while you are doing it.

Now for the prompting issue that made me finally get my arse over here and post (leaving FB sitting for a change). Cajun and I, as I mentioned, will be traveling a little for our anniversary. The bulk of our time will be on a cruise ship checking out Alaska. But we will be leaving and returning through Vancouver, BC! I even planned it out so that we would have a full day on each end of the cruise to check out Vancouver and maybe, just maybe, meet some of the awesome people here. Shortish notice, I know, but We will be there on May 1st through 3rd and then again from May 10th through 12th, the 2nd (Tuesday) and 11th (Wednesday) being the full days. So far the only thing we really want to do (the only thing I remember that is) is check out the Steam-powered clock(?) (have to look it up before we leave Friday). Not sure what else to do, so even if you can't/don't want to meet us, any ideas on things to do in Vancouver would be appreciated.

Now didn't y'all miss my long posts? lol

[Morningglory629]

Cajun and I are doing really well. He is still not looking for "outside attention" but is still very supportive of my searches. A realization I came to in the last few months that I keep asking myself... when did I become a MILF?!

I am getting tired of the "dating scene" already. Most guys who contact me are in their early or mid 20's, possibly cougar hunters, and are mostly just looking for sex, which is not what I'm looking for... at least not solely looking for. I figured that the best way to describe what I'm looking for is rather simple, I'm looking for a boyfriend. Someone to go out on dates with, someone to hang out with, someone to be a little (or a lot) physical with, someone who wants or is willing to allow romantic feelings grow between us.

Now didn't y'all miss my long posts? lol

Hi VAN!!!! I did miss you! I don't know about the dating scene but 20 somethings do seem to be rather aggressive with the cougars these days. Didn't like them then and really don't like em now. However, the attention is an ego booster! But I am with you a bf is so much more warm and snuggly, and sex is a given, right?! Welcome back sweetie!:)

[vandalin]

Hey y'all!

So four more months have passed. My Jewel is 4 and a half and we are trying to get through potty training so that she can go to the preschool that we would like her to try. It's close by and the place seems really neat. My little Prince is now 14 months old and is walking like crazy! He's not much of a talker just yet but he's gotten Dada out quite a lot. :) Unfortunately he may be lactose intolerant so we are doing some testing to see. Try the soy milk, like or no? help or no? etc. Cajun is working hard but is bored and wants a new project at work, and at home. Fixing the house up for sale is not exactly what he wants to be doing with his free time. We are hoping to get the house up for sale by fall but and with my sister moving out this week, that might just happen! woohoo!

Oh, my "love" life? Bleh. Ok, not totally bleh. I did meet a guy (let's go with John) who is really nice, enjoys games as much as I do (we actually spent a date play Super Mario Bros 3 and Dr. Mario on a Nintendo!) and is new to poly. He and his wife are very interested in doing it "right" in the sense of communication and setting up boundaries and requirements as needed, etc. They even took into effect one of Cajun's and my requirements (from Opening Up I think) about spouses meeting SO's before major physical intimacy. I definitely like this guy and I know he likes me but he also started dating another gal right before me (like a day or two before me) and they had more chances to get together (neither of them have kids) and so they advanced to the bf/gf stage already. He still wants to see me and let things go slowly and naturally and both his wife and gf are ok with that, but he wants to spend most of his time staying in sync with his wife and cultivate his relationship with his new gf. I am all for that, but I'd really like to have a bf. lol John has great potential and we have a lot in common but I'm not going to push things faster or harder than need be. I want this to come naturally too.

So I am now also talking to his gf's hubby on a more platonic note so far. He seems cool but I'm not sure if we would click really. I don't get the huge grin from his messages that I get from receiving a message from John. But who knows what the future holds.

Elric and I got to spend some time together recently, alone, for the first time since the fit hit the shan almost a year and a half ago. Normally there are other people around or we are in public, but this time we had relative privacy sitting outside against the hood of my car and then in the car when the skeeters started biting. It was good. We just sat together and talked, about life in general, about our kids, about other people in our lives, and about what happened a little bit and where we are now. We teased each other and joked around and it was mostly comfortable, but I have to admit that I am still very attracted to him and even just sitting next to him sends thrill-chills down my spine. lol But I don't have any expectations other than friendship this time which I think is making all the difference in the world.

So now I'm going to go to sleep, which I should have done over an hour ago as it has been a very long day and tomorrow will be another long day. Feel free to let me know any thoughts you may have on this update (other than they need to be more frequent as my presence here should be as well) and I'll try to keep you posted on what's happening.

TTFN!

[redpepper]

Hey! Thanks for the update! So glad to see you here and hear how you are doing! :) *hugs*

[AnnabelMore]

Hey Van, something I heard the other day that I'm remembering as I read about you and Elric. "Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement." I don't know about you, but I sure recognize my past patterns in that! Just something to ponder when you find yourself wondering why that guy you like but can't have gives you such enduring chills... :)

[vandalin]

Hey Van, something I heard the other day that I'm remembering as I read about you and Elric. "Attraction + Obstacles = Excitement." I don't know about you, but I sure recognize my past patterns in that! Just something to ponder when you find yourself wondering why that guy you like but can't have gives you such enduring chills... :)

I like how that sounds. It's about right too. But now it's more "forbidden attraction" that is the excitement I think. lol

New update coming soon. Maybe even tonight!

[vandalin]

So, trying to keep updating here to not only keep you all interested in my saga, but to help me go through things and maybe figure things out as needed.

So John and I are doing alright. We've had three dates so far, the last one Cajun joined us for the first half (meeting of the men) and it went very well. John tends to chatter a bit when nervous and I had to tease him just a little after Cajun left about the poor napkin that he tore to shreds. He laughed at it too and hopes that next time we all get together he'll be a bit more comfortable. Our last two dates ended with a nice kiss and big grins. He still has the girlfriend and we are still just taking things slowly while he gets accustomed to the wife and girlfriend before attempting a second girlfriend. lol We message and text often even though we don't get to see each other that much which is ok for now. I like him, and I wouldn't want to rush him or anything. Kinda reminds me of the Lady A song that's popular right now...
Just a kiss on your lips in the moonlight
....
No I don't want to mess this thing up
I don't want to push too far
So the rest of the song doesn't quite fit, but not many mainstream songs fit the poly lifestyle. lol

Now I also mentioned John's girlfriend's husband but didn't give him a moniker. I shall now call him Brad. Dang, now I have to work on keeping all these names straight again! lol. Now then, Brad and I have been messaging and texting quite a bit and we finally met yesterday. So, maybe I was a little wrong about clicking and grins. We actually annoyed the closers at the restaurant we went to because they close at 10 and we were there talking until 10:30! The hostess actually scowled at us when we left! lol Neither of us realized time going by so quickly which is one thing I really like when on a date. So we move on outside and since we were parked on opposite sides of the lot said our goodnights at the door which consisted of a nice loooong hug and a very nice kiss. I have a feeling that things may progress a little faster than with John, but at least we both have the same ideas for what we are interested in and what we are not looking for, or at least what I am not looking for as he is open to pretty much anything right now.

Brad is going to be meeting Cajun on Thursday at our weekly discussion group which Brad is very very interested in attending. Only problem is that they can't really get to know each other or talk about anything poly as we are not out yet. So it will be interesting to see how this works out.

So that's about it. I've been talking with Carl a bit online (dude I was dating last summer/fall), seeing how he and his wife are doing and how their newer attempts at open/poly are going. We actually started getting into deeper conversation when his wife got home from a date (which oddly enough was with John! (ok everybody now...It's a small world after all)) and figured they should talk a bit before crashing.

Speaking about crashing, I better. Early-ish morning as my Jewel has her tumbling class and we will hopefully will be meeting up with Cajun for lunch afterwards. So goodnight and sweet dreams to you all.

ps. looking back over this and after thinking about it, this is going to be one interesting diagram if we all hook up the way it looks like it's going. lol