View Full Version : May not be in the right subforum, but...
03-21-2012, 05:03 PM
Maybe someone here could help me out?
My husband & I are are testing the poly waters. The catch: it's been so long since we've considered dating that we have no idea what to do! :eek:
How do you get yourself out there without the judgment?
Also, I'm bi, but never acted on it. How does one woman invite the attention of other like-minded women?
Any thoughts/tips/advice welcome!
Thanks all. And if I'm posting in the wrong area of the forum, feel free to point me in the right direction. :)
03-22-2012, 06:05 AM
I don't think you can get 'out there' without some judgment. Let it be okay. Whose judgment are you not wanting to have? Random strangers? so what? :D
People you know? I don't think you're soliciting them as companions yes?
Dating doesn't truly change much over the years. In your fifties, you pretty much feel like an awkward teenager all over again. You just know a bit more and maybe are a little calmer, hopefully a little less rash. I regard that as part of the fun.
Be curious. Be fascinated. Want to know people. People respond to that. If you're thinking of the happiness and comfort of someone else, that's less thinking you need to do about yerself(yerselves).
Someone just had a link to a blog that I read and it was a lovely simple instruction for 'how to meet people' (particularly in a bar). Sorry, I can't recall.... but when you're reading her and someone recommends a blog, or has a blog in their sig, go look. If you don't have time to read right then, go back later.
Magazines are endlessly (tree-killing ENDlessly) full of advice on dating. All those things they say aren't different for poly ~ you just have one more required conversation (kinda like in high school, I wasn't 'required' to have the latex conversation, only the pregnancy conversation).
03-22-2012, 06:07 AM
oh, and dating sites. Great practice. OKCupid seems popular round here. eHarmony, while not suitable for poly, has LOTS of articles on how to meet, how to have a first date, stuff like that.
03-22-2012, 11:46 AM
I don't think you can get 'out there' without some judgment. Let it be okay. Whose judgment are you not wanting to have? Random strangers? so what?
While I am very much wired to be a people-pleaser, I have learned that some people won't like me not matter what contortions I attempt to that end. So, oh well. But at the same time, I don't want rumors, etc. We live in the buckle of the bible belt (the common colloquial description), and feel that pursuing the poly life is a very tricky tightrope.
But then again, I tend to over-analyze. ;)
03-22-2012, 06:17 PM
Where are you guys from? I am from the upsate NY area.
03-22-2012, 06:32 PM
Tulsa, Oklahoma area here.
04-03-2012, 11:36 PM
My girlfriend and I are in Oklahoma City, as well as being fairly new to all of this. So although i don't have much advice, I know how you feel at least!
04-04-2012, 12:36 AM
Check to see if there are any local resources in OK. Also, try just getting out and meeting people. I certainly don't know anything (but wish I DID) about picking up women, seems to be a difficult thing for many traditional singles dating sites. It is ok if you are single and bi or Lesbian but not ok if you are somehow attached otherwise to a male. At least that has been my experience. I wish I could tell you more but be tenacious and patient. Read all you can don't be afraid of rejection, and don't be afraid to be choosey. Good luck!
05-26-2012, 12:14 AM
We are about 45 Min from Tulsa. And do understand living in the buckle of the bible belt. PM me and we can talk.
06-15-2012, 06:30 PM
My wife and I are in Tulsa and I just signed up on okcupid a this week, although we have been open for a couple of years, and it looks promising. Its MUCH easier for a woman to find at the very least men comfortable with a casual relationship like a friend with benifits but I really havnt had much luck on my end with that. The exception would be going out with swingers on occasion but I rapidly tire of the sex with no emotional connection. Fun, but it's like eating candy, no real substance.
I'm hoping that at some point to find someone to date but for now I'm comfortable with the occasional having fun with friends, it's just not all I want and need. The big float trip on the 24th the wife and I are going on should be blast and who knows maybe I'll meet some people who are poly but swinger friendly out there. If not, eh it will still be a fun time.
OkCupid profile is polyfromtulsa for anyone who might be curious or interested.
06-15-2012, 09:14 PM
I hear ya about living in the belt buckle! I live about an hour NE of Dallas. Rather small town (pop. ~9000), my husband owns the second oldest business in the county, I play piano at my church (besides my family there are two people there that know I'm bi, only sister and BIL know about poly).
Both Bear and I have profiles on OKC. I unclicked the button that allows straight people to see me so that I could message Bear. Gah. I am now OVERRUN with guys telling me how great my boobs are.
Sorry, I digress.
Do you a profile, don't let straight people see you, and just start sending thoughtful, conversation provoking messages to women who catch your interest. I am having nice conversations with women from all over the US and so is Bear. Neither of us are looking for any other relationships right now, so we haven't pursued any of our chatting buddies in that manner, but that is a good way to start.
IRL no one just walks up and says, "Hey, baby, you're hot, wanna f***?" Well, unless they want to get slapped, right? So, just strike up conversations, treat people nicely, and if you feel a spark, pursue it : )
Coffee houses are also nice for meeting people : ) And bookstores. I've struck up conversations with people in lots of bookstores!
OKC is where we met Lovely.
06-16-2012, 08:25 AM
We live in VA and have had some but not much luck.more than most I daresay but that little bit of luck was hard to come by. Poly-dating is hard. You just have to go for it. The problem is that the men and women you'd be courting might just have sex on their minds or worse decide they only want one half of the couple. Become friends with them first then when a bond has been established. Ask they're feeling on the subject.