View Full Version : The "I wish they were poly!" Problem
02-05-2012, 05:55 AM
So, I'm sure some or all of you have experienced this same thing. You meet someone you wish was open to poly but get the impression (or if you are brave enough to directly discuss with them, a confirmed no) that they are not. I suppose it is kind of like falling for someone of a different sexual proclivity (a woman falling for a gay man) and wistfully thinking about what might have been. My friend H has a term she uses for a priest she knows. She calls him Father What-A-Waste. (No disrespect intended).
You know, it's the one (or ones) that you can't have. And MAN am I dealing with that in a big way right now. If you have read another thread I posted - I think I called it "I have a crush on our neighbors" or something like that - then you know that part of the story.
I will keep the whining about my particular situation to a minimum and simply ask how others deal with the frustration and disappointment? Misery loves company. Tell me about the one(s) that got away....
02-05-2012, 08:14 AM
I don't dwell on non-poly's too much, though it does happen.
But apparently I have a habit of barking up the wrong trees. If I find a woman I like, the more I'd be interested in a relationship with them is directly related to their preference in dating women.
02-05-2012, 09:03 AM
I don't particularly see a huge problem in meeting people who aren't poly. As most people aren't. Most have never even heard of it. I think it's an accomplishment to even find people who are ok with just ME being poly.
"When you get with someone, you take in everything they are." as my current partner often says.
Certainly there are places where there are more people who think the same way. I know over here in England, Bristol seems like a place full of the alternative lot. [gays, lesbians, trannies, and even some poly folk.]
Could be that you are just in an area where there are not a lot of opportunities for people to come out or begin a journey in polyamory.
02-05-2012, 09:08 AM
That's one of the things I anticipate might happen when I start actively looking. Not looking forward either.
02-05-2012, 06:34 PM
It happens, but no more than say, me falling for a straight guy.
What's worse is when I find someone poly and compatible online and they live too far to meet. That hurts more because you know that if it weren't for that it'd all be great.
02-05-2012, 06:42 PM
I dunno, I don't dwell on the "ones that got away." I've asked guys out and been turned down, or had a few dates with someone only to see it fizzle out, more times than I can count. I don't pine for guys I've wanted who didn't reciprocate. I did have a big crush last year on someone who didn't feel the same toward me, but I just enjoyed the deliciousness of how I felt around him without wishing it were different, and we became friends. Doesn't it usually go that it's the exception rather than the rule for everything to click into place? I mean, most people are not going to be compatible on one level or another. You just dust yourself off, comb your hair, and go out there again...
02-06-2012, 08:31 AM
You have to consult your inner-hippie-child, and let it free,.....man. :cool:
There IS a certain freedom, in just loving, or enjoying people however they come into your life. Sometimes people are right where we need them, not where we want them. It just takes us awhile to realize it.
02-06-2012, 09:12 PM
I have had lots of problems with that, too. In some case(s), I even thought of discarding me being poly, but I can't and I don't want to be untrue to myself and others. Right now, I don't feel that I need anyone, life is exciting and fulfilling enough. Of course, I would appreciate if I met someone who I love and I can be intimate and be friends with. But I don't think often, that I miss having someone on my side, only once in a while. Being without a partner leaves more time for myself, I can also see it that way.