Sleeping Arrangements and Beds [Archive]

EywaUK

01-26-2010, 11:59 PM

Okay, so i'm just starting to settle/accept in to the 3person relationship thats kind of risen up around us without us realising. Now i'm looking for some more practical advice... how the heck do you get 3 in a bed on a long term basis??!!!

Two of us are very tall, the other average (i'm 6'9", my bfs are 6'4" and 5'10"), and even with a kingsize bed, its getting to be more and more awkward to 'sleep' 3 to a bed. We always start off cosy and cuddled, then as we all fall asleep and move around, inevitably you end up with someone perched right at the edge of the bed.

And then of course if you happen to be in the middle, you cant exactly get up in the night without waking the others. Is there a slightly more practical solution??? None of us can bear to sleep in seperate rooms or beds but we need sleep. lol. How do you guys manage it?

ps. We used to have the quilt disputes but i managed to resolve that with a superkingsized duvet (yay).

pps. For the observant person in another thread - yep, Eywa was the spirit of Pandora... Avatar ROCKS!!! :o)

River

01-27-2010, 12:15 AM

I don't have any technical solutions to the threesome bedsharing question, but I can't help wondering whether the two boyfriends are also involved with one another in a loving / intimate relationship -- and of what kind, and how much they are cuddle-friendly with one another(!). :)

What is the largest bed size available on the market? Can you lay out multiple futons on the floor, side-by-side? Maybe layered several?

>very excited<

oh... wait, all three of you are male! that makes things altogether different from my initial imaginings... so many people to know ... forgetting details ... I think I've seen you three somewhere before! here online, that is.... but a busy life makes for hard remembering. No pun intended!

Okay, now I'm envious!

I want two boyfriends, too!

EywaUK

01-27-2010, 12:18 AM

lol, yep - all 3 male.

Just thinking about it, i wonder if we bought two double divan style beds and fixed them together with brackets, would that work? or a king size and single. As long as theyre the same make/height and they fit together....

*thinks*

hmmmm. We'd have to have sheets and bedding made but i guess thats doable...

River

01-27-2010, 12:29 AM

Doable is close to Double, but this is more Triple than Trouble.

Were I you, I'd just create a large room full of multiply layered futons and let things be. Just fill a room full of pillows and count your blessings.

Thanks, YGirl, for smooshing my multiple posts together. .... Now for a nice cold shower.

CielDuMatin

01-27-2010, 01:42 AM

How about a king-size bed, and single duvets? That way you would each have one, can still snuggle, and if the one in the middle needs to get up in the night, there isn't any issue with dealing with duvets. The germans use the single duvet per person arrangement and it works quite well.

Lemondrop

01-27-2010, 02:50 AM

Ha! A question I actually have practical advice for! At last sleeping in a big puppy pile becomes useful!

1) Wow, you guys are big! We sleep four people in a California king with no problem. However, at our "other" house, we only have a queen, so we are in the process of purchasing another queen to place next to it. This is a solution we have employed in hotel rooms with no problem, but I know that you can also purchase an adaptor to cover the crack between beds, so no one gets lost or even...eek...pinched.

2) Speaking as the person who gets stuck in the middle, solve the blanket problem by buying multiple blankets and overlapping. Then the person who is in the middle can slip out through the overlap (the person in the middle usually slips out from the middle by sliding out of the end of the bed) and also the person who has to sleep in the middle of the furnace can throw off blankets at will.

As for waking the others...well, that's just a hazard of sleeping so many people together, I think. We have no practical solution for it, which is sad because I'm up multiple times in the night so everyone else is, too.

Quath

01-27-2010, 04:12 AM

I use to sleep with my two girlfriends in a king sized bed. One thing that helped was having three blankets because the person in the middle would get very hot. That way, they can pull their leg out to cool off without having to get out of the blankets entirely. That person could also crawl down the end of the bed if they had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. We took turns with the person in the middle.

River

01-27-2010, 02:51 PM

We took turns with the person in the middle.

I'm betting Quath meant to say "We took turns being in the middle," but what he actually said is so much more fun!:p

foxflame88

01-27-2010, 06:31 PM

I'm still searching for my third to have this issue come up!

LovingRadiance

01-27-2010, 07:18 PM

I'm betting Quath meant to say "We took turns being in the middle," but what he actually said is so much more fun!:p

went back to read it and yes River you are SOOOO right!!! ;)

redpepper

01-27-2010, 07:25 PM

I sleep in the middle of the two guys and swelter! Thanks for all the practical advice. What a good idea for a thread!

LovingRadiance

01-27-2010, 07:36 PM

I sleep in the middle of the two guys and swelter! Thanks for all the practical advice. What a good idea for a thread!

God I wish. I can't tell you how often I've closed my eyes at night and done my damn best to imagine having one of them on each side of me (my men not yours ;))
If I could fall asleep like that, I would deal with the sweltering let me tell you!

GroundedSpirit

01-27-2010, 08:14 PM

I'm betting Quath meant to say "We took turns being in the middle," but what he actually said is so much more fun!:p

We always call that 'center' of attention, and yea, not a bad place to be and take turns at :)

Interesting dynamic when the bed the 3 of you are sharing is a waterbed ! Full motion no less :) Like ours was for years. kept Dramamine on the night table :)

GS

redpepper

01-27-2010, 08:26 PM

God I wish. I can't tell you how often I've closed my eyes at night and done my damn best to imagine having one of them on each side of me (my men not yours ;))
If I could fall asleep like that, I would deal with the sweltering let me tell you!

I hope you get to experience that some time LR. There is nothing like being surrounded by those you love. We don't sleep together often enough in my opinion. We only have a queen size bed and duvet. Luckily we are all quite small. Its still tight though. When I get my own room one day I will have a large bed out together. Good to know about being able to fill the gap!

Quath

01-28-2010, 05:29 AM

I'm betting Quath meant to say "We took turns being in the middle," but what he actually said is so much more fun!:p

Heh. Freudian slip. :cool:

icanlovetwo

02-09-2010, 04:41 AM

Personally - I couldn't be bothered to sleep with two other people :) I prefer to be able to move around without waking my partner .
My husband and I have discussed this situation - when we do have another partner or partners we prefer to have two king size beds . A path in between , so everyone is comfortable and can sleep well . Two people in one bed, one or more in the other bed . We feel it's practical .

rosevett

02-09-2010, 05:31 PM

For me it's a real treat and luckily enough the guys are great about it. Home presents too small of a bed so the futon is close by if someone get's pushed off the bed or swelter(not in the good way) starts happening.

However when ever the opportunity presented itself for a hotel with a KING bed - we are so on it. Cuddling up with loves is such an amazing feeling, I highly recommend it with or without sex.

LovingRadiance

02-10-2010, 08:34 PM

I know everyone has diffferences.
I often enjoy sleeping alone, but I hope I never do that because it's practical, only because I want to. :o

Endicott

06-22-2010, 10:13 PM

Pru (my prime) and I have a protocol question and are looking for best thoughts...

If Pru is away, is it bad form for me to bring our a girlfriend and have her sleep in our wedding bed. Or do I get a hotel room for the GF (risking her being offended at not being "good enough" to stay at my home...

This is all above board, and Pru will know the GF, having met before.

What is protocol?

I don't wish to offend Pru and don't wish to offend GF.

Your thoughts and comments are welcome

NeonKaos

06-22-2010, 11:10 PM

The "protocol" is that the THREE of you talk about it and decide what is right for all three of you.

SchrodingersCat

06-22-2010, 11:29 PM

I second YGirl's comment.

There is no "protocol" on whether or not girlfriends are allowed to sleep in wive's beds.

In our marriage, we have an agreement that we can have sex with other people in the house, but the bed is sacrosanct. In other marriages, they all share the bed together. In yet other marriages, some partners are allowed in the bed if the spouse has met them and is comfortable with that person in their bed.

I wouldn't want to date any man who would be offended at not being allowed in my husband's bed. That would tell me he does not respect my husband's boundaries.

NeonKaos

06-22-2010, 11:39 PM

My husband and I have our own bedrooms, and sometimes he sleeps with me because we started out that way. His room in our house has reverted to the way his room looked when we first met... I would venture that no woman would WANT to sleep in there, but I did...

If I were involved with someone who regularly shares a bed with their live-in partner, I'm not sure I'd WANT to sleep in their bed unless I had some sort of independent connection with the other partner, and then only if the other partner offered that option.

If I had another partner who lived alone, I'd probably go to their place to get it on... But this is all hypothetical when it comes to my situation.

Of course, I'd talk about it with the other people involved regardless of what I would want in my own ideal world.

SchrodingersCat

06-23-2010, 09:43 AM

LoL, well my husband, in a way, has his own house :P Considering his out-of-town work schedule, he lives in his new motor home much more than he lives in the house he pays the mortgage on... But to me, that's all the reason to make our bed really "his" when he does come home.

AutumnalTone

06-23-2010, 06:29 PM

Curly and I sleep apart. She decides who sleeps in her bed and I decide who sleeps in mine. I also much prefer to sleep alone, so these days its very rare that anybody would sleep in my bed besides me.

Beyond that, I'd never regard anyplace I couldn't invite somebody to sleep with me as my regular sleeping space. The moment any partner says "You can't have anybody besides me sleep here" is the moment I find somewhere else to sleep.

Obviously, other folks handle this sort of thing in a different fashion. I'll add to the chorus saying y'all need to sit down and work it out for your own situation.

jkelly

06-24-2010, 02:43 AM

I've never had a particular piece of furniture come up as a poly- negotiation, but, well, it's clearly come up for you, so talk to Pru. To make this stuff work, one has got to be able to talk to one's partner about pretty much *anything* without fear of offending them.

I don't know that it needs to be a three-way conversation, though, but I'm not sure if that was what YGirl was suggesting. I will say that if I was the girlfriend, I'd find a "no bed" rule pretty strange, but, you know, people are often pretty strange.

Beyond that, I'd never regard anyplace I couldn't invite somebody to sleep with me as my regular sleeping space.

Yeah, totally.

redpepper

06-24-2010, 06:22 AM

I have been with Mono for over a year and a half and the only time he has slept in our bed is if invited by me and Nerdist. we have a boundary about anyone other than us sleeping in our bed. We had a lot of history together in that bed and while it is just a piece of furniture, that history needs respecting in our minds. When I have a room of my own then I will create my own history :D

The bottom line is that it should be discussed with the wife and then with the girlfriend. If it needs to be all three then so be it. End of story. Why it would become an issue is beyond me, I would have a hard time with anyone who thinks that they are not good enough because they aren't allowed to sleep in my marriage bed... red flag, what next? Would she get pissed off because you have to end a date early because you child needs you? If this is a real concern, perhaps the poly you are achieving is different than hers.

NeonKaos

06-24-2010, 12:33 PM

I don't know that it needs to be a three-way conversation, though, but I'm not sure if that was what YGirl was suggesting. I will say that if I was the girlfriend, I'd find a "no bed" rule pretty strange, but, you know, people are often pretty strange.

I realize it could have come across as though I was suggesting a 3-way "meeting"... Of course, they could do that if they wanted to.

I have been with Mono for over a year and a half and the only time he has slept in our bed is if invited by me and Nerdist. we have a boundary about anyone other than us sleeping in our bed. We had a lot of history together in that bed and while it is just a piece of furniture, that history needs respecting in our minds. When I have a room of my own then I will create my own history :D

The bottom line is that it should be discussed with the wife and then with the girlfriend. If it needs to be all three then so be it. End of story. Why it would become an issue is beyond me, I would have a hard time with anyone who thinks that they are not good enough because they aren't allowed to sleep in my marriage bed... red flag, what next? Would she get pissed off because you have to end a date early because you child needs you? If this is a real concern, perhaps the poly you are achieving is different than hers.

I was thinking that he should ALSO ask the girlfriend if SHE feels comfortable sleeping in the "marriage-bed" (if the Wife says "OK"). If someone thought of and referred to their bed as the "marriage-bed", then that to me suggests that it is their own sacred, private place. If I were the girlfriend, I'm not too sure I'd be comfortable fucking someone in their sacred, private place that they share with someone else... But that's just me.

OTOH, I wouldn't be too crazy about getting a hotel room, either. Don't you folks have another bed in the house you can use, or perhaps invest in a futon or air mattress for use as your "marriage-bed" with the girlfriend? (not redpepper, the OP)

Although, perhaps if you TALK ABOUT IT, you will find that neither of the ladies have a problem with it. They might ask you to change the sheets though. I think that's fair.

MonoVCPHG

06-24-2010, 07:41 PM

I would think anyone who had a problem with the sanctity of a bed or space that is special to a couple is suffering a bad case of the toddler's syndrome; Me,me,me, why,why,why.

jkelly

06-24-2010, 08:56 PM

Mono,

I would think anyone who had a problem with the sanctity of a bed or space that is special to a couple is suffering a bad case of the toddler's syndrome; Me,me,me, why,why,why.

Hm. This strikes me as not only strangely dismissive, but also kind of unimaginative.

Like, if I was dating someone who told me that they had a sanctified piece of furniture, and that because that piece of furniture was sanctified that we couldn't have sex on it, I would definitely want to ask questions about that. It suggests a view of the sacred that is pretty far from mine, and also suggests that there's something about having sex with me that is profane, both of which I'd want to do some discussion around.

As I said earlier, I think it's odd to have rules about specific pieces of furniture, but people are, you know, quirky. If someone just straight-up said, "Date nights are Thursdays and every second Saturday, we need to always use barriers, and we can't use the bed" I'd shrug that off as a quirk. But if someone starts getting into this religious stuff around 'sanctity', that starts sounding like a much bigger deal and maybe even potentially problematic.

MonoVCPHG

06-24-2010, 09:03 PM

Mono,

Hm. This strikes me as not only strangely dismissive, but also kind of unimaginative.

.

It is dismissive. This type of issue seems so petty to me that it baffles me.

NeonKaos

06-24-2010, 11:25 PM

I just want to elaborate on this.

My husband and I together own a teardrop trailer (google it if you want to know what it is). Even though it is an inanimate object, I would feel very uncomfortable about either one of us having sex or even camping with someone else in that object. It's something we put a lot of time and effort in together and something that is really all about "us"... If I were to go camping with someone else I'd use another method of shelter. If we broke up t hen we would have to sell it.

Sorry, this is NOT "petty" to me. Too fucking bad.

On that note, I have become squiffy from my wine, but I stand by what I have said.

MonoVCPHG

06-24-2010, 11:32 PM

Sorry, this is NOT "petty" to me. Too fucking bad.

On that note, I have become squiffy from my wine, but I stand by what I have said.

I'm on your side YGIRL...jeesh, tough crowd. I think someone having an issue with you having a special place is petty. I don't think having a special place is. I totally respect Redpepper and Polynerdist's special places. I think couples should have some things that are sacred.

NeonKaos

06-24-2010, 11:34 PM

OK then I know you forgive me because of the ethanol and other things.

MonoVCPHG

06-24-2010, 11:38 PM

OK then I know you forgive me because of the ethanol and other things.

Always Ygirl :)

redpepper

06-25-2010, 12:18 AM

Mono's entire apartment is sacred to him. And by all this I definitely don't mean religiously. Spiritual maybe, a sanctuary maybe, but not religiously. Mono hasn't allowed anyone there but us. His space from others is very important to him. He and I bought everything in it for him and I to use. Its where he re-groups, he finds solace, where we hash things out and come back together. I can't imagine someone but us being there. If someone showed up it would feel very strange and uncomfortable.

Yes I understand entirely what it means to have attachments to furnature and places. Our whole house is filled with my childhood stuff; dining room set, dresser, my boy has my bunk bed. Nerdists family stuff too; a writing desk, bookshelves, hall table. All of these things I would expect guests to respect if we asked them and as good manners. Not that I'm anal, to me it is just good manners to respect a hosts wishes. Especially a metamour!

NeonKaos

06-25-2010, 12:23 AM

redpepper

06-25-2010, 12:34 AM

And it's not as though we don't recognize the difference between objects and the well-being of people, isn't that correct redpepper?

I certainly don't confuse the sentimentality of the trailer with the actual relationship I have with my husband.

Sentimentality and relationship, two different ball games, yet can be closely linked. Agreed on that one.

NeonKaos

06-25-2010, 01:04 AM

It irks me when I hear of women who for example, have lost their wedding ring, and they are devastated. They say things like "That ring was the SYMBOL of our RELATIONSHIP! WAHHH!"

I for one am not delusional to the point that I think of the trailer as the "symbol of our relationship". The object can be replaced. The person can't.

ETA: I should add (and I've said this before elsewhere) that we don't have wedding or engagement rings.

solarwindsfly

06-25-2010, 05:20 AM

In our home I sleep in my own room and my housemates sleep together. I am invited in regularly to sleep when one is gone or when we all want to be together. I do not like to sleep with others for the most part so they come into my room and sometimes are there most of the night. We really communicate at the moment. The boundaries are clear. I dont sleep there unless invited and its the same with my room. I love it :) I dont worry about sharing unless I want to but they feel close and like to snuggle at night regularly.

As for your question you need to talk to them. Make sure they communicate together with you. I hope it all works out for you :) Blessings!

redpepper

06-25-2010, 06:42 AM

I'm of the opinion that if I lose something then I was not meant to have it anymore. while I might get attached to things I own, I can also be fine without. There is always more stuff that can be significant. I would miss that stuff....

this is a strangely metamorphic theory on my relationships. :rolleyes:

PolyNewbie

03-05-2011, 04:34 PM

Ok, silly question, but I'd seriously welcome input from more experienced polyamorists: how do you deal with sleeping three to a bed? I mean actually sleeping, in the non-euphemistic sense. Very limited experience suggests that it's just not all that comfortable for the one in the middle, especially if he or she is at that age where getting up during the night is non-optional.

Background: newly-formed poly triad involving very-long-term married couple and single woman, none of whom have any poly experience, and none of whom was particularly looking for a poly relationship when we met. Strong emotional bonds all around, no jealousy at all at the moment, major NRE. We have no idea what we're doing here; we just discovered that we all want to be with each other all the time and we're taking it from there. Any advice at all from the more experienced would be welcome, whether or not it involves beds.

nycindie

03-05-2011, 05:00 PM

Have you done a search here? There are a few threads that have addressed this kind of stuff. Here are some I found:

Sleeping Arrangements and Beds (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2050)

Protocol question - marriage bed (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3054)

Multi-partner co-habitation (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=59551)

.

PolyNewbie

03-05-2011, 05:05 PM

Good pointers in at least one of those threads. I didn't even notice the search feature. Thanks!

ImaginaryIllusion

03-05-2011, 05:06 PM

I think there was a movie that addressed this very problem once...

"We're going to need a bigger boat!" ;)

NeonKaos

03-05-2011, 05:10 PM

I think there was a movie that addressed this very problem once...

"We're going to need a bigger boat!" ;)

That was in "Blow" and the comment was in reference to how much money they had from selling all that cocaine.

Those threads have been merged (thanks for finding them, nycindie) and this is being added to Golden Nuggets (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1830) (if it is not there already).

ImaginaryIllusion

03-05-2011, 05:16 PM

That was in "Blow" and the comment was in reference to how much money they had from selling all that cocaine.
Actually I was thinking of an earlier movie, with a far more recognizable theme.

NeonKaos

03-05-2011, 05:18 PM

Actually I was thinking of an earlier movie, with a far more recognizable theme.

As usual, I am not versed in the popular culture.

nycindie

03-05-2011, 05:29 PM

"We're going to need a bigger boat!" ;)

Jaws.

Those threads have been merged (thanks for finding them, nycindie) . . .

You're welcome. :)

NeonKaos

03-05-2011, 05:34 PM

Ya, see what I mean? There are a lot of pseudo-cult films that I haven't seen. "Jaws" is one of them. I am so uncool that way.

nycindie

03-05-2011, 05:39 PM

Ya, see what I mean? There are a lot of pseudo-cult films that I haven't seen. "Jaws" is one of them. I am so uncool that way.

Ah, it's a classic Roy Scheider moment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gciFoEbOA8

ImaginaryIllusion

03-05-2011, 05:45 PM

Ah, it's a classic Roy Scheider moment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gciFoEbOA8

Penny for the pretty lady. :cool:

Penny

03-05-2011, 07:27 PM

When I first became intimate with T-Rex (boyfriend), I wanted to establish my own space with him and to fortify my space with Thumper (husband) during the early phases of our entrance into poly. I bought an air bed, the tall kind, not the thin kind that always deflates so you can feel the floor under you by the end of the night. We would set it up in the living room, where the home theater system is, and the air bed eventually became a place for the whole family to hang out.

The kiddo would spend the night at grandma's on those nights.

Now the adults all go to the bedroom for sleep and sex. We still fire up the air bed for our Sunday morning cuddles, video games, and movies.

Establishing that private space at the beginning, though, worked really well for us.

[Edit: Thumper is on the boards under that name, but only lurks. T-Rex has considered joining just because, as a Dinosaur Comics fan, he's so tickled by the nickname I gave him.]

Setxfamily

03-06-2011, 03:20 AM

My lady and I once were friends with a poly family (MFM triangle)and to solve their sleeping problem they lashed 3 twins together so they would all have their own beds but still be together. Of course it made makign up the beds fun at times but also easier as well.

NeonKaos

03-06-2011, 03:26 AM

You guys think you have it complicated. I don' even sleep with my HUSBAND, never mind my husband AND my boyfriend... But I have so many cats and there's only one of me. They all want to be near ME and they pin me down and walk across my hair... What can I do? Besides cut my hair?

Has anyone else experienced this?

Setxfamily

03-06-2011, 04:50 AM

We have 2 cats that love to sleep with us. but we usually lock them up at night or put them outside so we can get some sleep or we would not be able to move at all during the night. But nap times during the day is a free for all. We use to have 3 but the famale passed at age 14. We are not loking for more cats 2 boys is more than enough.

dragonflysky

03-06-2011, 07:26 AM

My ex-poly couple had "their" bed. She suggested that he and I sleep in it one night when she was working and they hadn't gotten the room ready that I was going to be staying in. I would not have felt comfortable sleeping there had she not known and approved. A second time she suggested it when other company filled up the beds in the house and she, again, was working night shift. I was planning on sleeping on the couch and had actually started to set my night stuff up there. There came another night, however, that I became uncomfortable sleeping in their bed (even though she knew about it and approved) because it reminded me that they were together most every night and I was just an "extra". (I had never wanted to be a secondary, but that's how things were starting to go and what ultimately led to our break-up) After that we slept in the bed in the room I used when staying over even when she wasn't home at night. My bed was a futon so it wasn't nearly as comfortable as their king size bed especially since our guy is quite tall, but we adjusted.

Had we stayed together, I would have liked to eventually have all three of us sleep together, even though she and I weren't a "couple" and had no plans to ever be sexually/romantically involved. (She is bi-sexual, he and I are heterosexual.) It just always seemed kind of sad to me that any one of us would be "left out" when we loved and cared about each other. When she had been married, she and her husband and our guy all slept together occasionally according to what they shared with me. (Both guys were heterosexual and not sexually involved with each other.)

RfromRMC

03-07-2011, 07:02 PM

Well obviously for starters, a king-size bed was required. Major prerequisite there.

At first we thought we'd take turns in the middle more often...it is nice to be cuddled between two afterall. But in practice, M is almost always in the middle. Partly because our triad started as a Vee, and he was the hinge.
But now it's mostly because he's always cold! I'm almost always hot, and C often is too. So it just makes the most sense to leave M in the middle still. Not always, but most of the time.

Yeah it's an issue if he needs to get up in the middle of the night to pee or blow his nose. But he's becoming better at sliding out of the covers and hop over them without disturbing the rest of us too much.

The real hard part is when pets want to hop in and join us too...argh! :p

utahpolyfam

03-10-2011, 05:43 AM

We have 4 people and a chihuahua in a king bed every night. Gets kinda crowded sometimes, but it is definitely doable.

Hades36

03-15-2011, 10:48 AM

We have 4 people and a chihuahua in a king bed every night. Gets kinda crowded sometimes, but it is definitely doable.

You are actually awesome for this single post. :D

TheEmpress

03-16-2011, 04:01 PM

Braeica

03-17-2011, 12:39 AM

We're 5'9" and fragile, 5'10", 6'2" and built like the proverbial brick shit house, and can get along fine in one *orthopedic quality* California King. Though I have heard much applause over at the poly forum on Reddit regarding the two Queens stuck together version.

I occasionally claim I married my husband for this bed, which he already owned when we started dating, and given my ortho issues I am not always entirely kidding. Usually my husband sleeps in the bed with me because it was in our wedding vows that he would keep my feet warm at night and thus this has been our tradition for several years now. The boyfriend sleeps with us when the kids aren't here or if we're traveling without them and in his room otherwise. If we're stuck with the two bed configuration while traveling, I sleep with the boyfriend because I don't often get much chance to and the husband enjoys his break from footwarmer duty.

Ultimately though they could sleep wherever they bloody well please; to quote Jayne (Firefly reference) I'll be in my (comfy orthopedic "huge tracts of BED!") bunk.

MrFarFromRight

03-18-2011, 11:50 AM

7 pages of comments so far! I haven't got the time to read through all, so I may be repeating someone else' suggestion(s).Okay, so i'm just starting to settle/accept in to the 3person relationship thats kind of risen up around us without us realising. Now i'm looking for some more practical advice... how the heck do you get 3 in a bed on a long term basis??!!!

Two of us are very tall, the other average (i'm 6'9", my bfs are 6'4" and 5'10"), and even with a kingsize bed, its getting to be more and more awkward to 'sleep' 3 to a bed. We always start off cosy and cuddled, then as we all fall asleep and move around, inevitably you end up with someone perched right at the edge of the bed.

And then of course if you happen to be in the middle, you cant exactly get up in the night without waking the others. Is there a slightly more practical solution??? None of us can bear to sleep in seperate rooms or beds but we need sleep. lol. How do you guys manage it?

ps. We used to have the quilt disputes but i managed to resolve that with a superkingsized duvet (yay).

pps. For the observant person in another thread - yep, Eywa was the spirit of Pandora... Avatar ROCKS!!! :o)Don't assume that it's the bigger people who squeeze out the smaller! My theory is that bigger people have grown more space-conscious, so they try not to invade other people's spaces even while they sleep. I knew a couple, she was slightly over 5ft. high, he quite a bit over 6ft. And it was he that used to wake up, clingling to the edge of the mattress, while she was stretched out all over the place. Another example: a friend whose sister slept over and they both shared the bed with my friend's baby. Both of them woke up clinging to opposite edges of the mattress, and it was the baby - in the middle of the bed - who blissfully dreamed on with all the space in the World.:)

Back to your problem: "3 Men In A Bed" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Three_Men_in_a_Boat) (at least you haven't got the dog!)

1) Don't you know any carpenters? Better still: aren't any of you handicraftilly courageous? There is a special pleasure to be had sleeping in a bed that you've made for yourself, or - barring that - having one made specifically for you with personal touches.

2) The one in the middle getting up in the middle of the night.
a) Choose the one with the strongest bladder control for the middle.
b) I would advise you to have the head end - without headboard - away from the wall. it's easier to slip out of bed head-first than feet-first. 'Though that leaves the problem of slipping yourself feet-first into bed afterwards. Hmmm!
c) You write: "... so i'm just starting to settle/accept in to the 3person relationship..." My experience: at the beginning of a relationship, you'll wake up every time that your partner(s) sigh(s). After a while, you don't even stir when they practice the bagpipes in bed. (Well, slight exaggeration...)

3) You might decide to develop a foot fetish and sleep like sardines: "top to tail". (Not recommended if any of you is prone to leg spasms while asleep.)