Finally Found Where I Belong

[crazyeights101]

I've known I was bisexual since i was about 7 and experimented with a friend. I've always found myself extremly attracted to women and even fell in love with my best friend from high school (she was straight). Then i met my now boyfriend. He is the love of my life and i've been nothing but faithful and honest with him. He knew about my bisexuality and I once touched the subject on swinging to him and he was surprisingly receptive. However in talking he decided he didnt' like how swinging is so one-night-standish. I don't have an interest in other men as he satisfies all my needs, but there is just something about the feminine figure and ways of a woman that intrigue me. After some discussing we decided that if we tried out this threesome thing that we wanted it to be serious. We are looking for another girlfriend that would complete us. She would be loved by us both and the same in return. I've joined swinger websites but there doesn't seem to be people looking for the same thing. Somehow i stumbled upon polyamory and realized there was a name for what we were looking for. However there are no local groups so here i am looking and reading and responding.

[Funk2Lopez]

Welcome to the forum. Glad you found it.

[Lemondrop]

Welcome!

[redpepper]

good luck with this!
I have noted for quite some time on dating sights, that there are many couples out there looking for a second female. I have no idea if this desire gets fulfilled, but it seems that females in the poly world.... at least here! are few and far between and very sought after.
anyone have any other experience?
If there are any female poly's looking to move and want to move somewhere where they would be in high demand.... Victoria BC canada is the place to be :D

[WaywardDruid]

Glad you feel you found a place you feel you can call home. Hello & Welcome

http://lazarusl.com/hello03.jpg

Just Me,
Tim

[AutumnalTone]

Welcome to the boards.

And, yeah, it's a nice experience to find out there's a term describing the way we think we should be able to live and love!

[Olivier]

Good luck finding someone and welcome!

[AutumnalTone]

AH...the unicorn hunters, seeking the elusive, hot, bi babe to make all their poly dreams come true!

That naivete is kinda cute, actually. The odds of the each of them finding a good match in another partner aren't large ('cause poly folk don't grow on trees) and they think that finding a woman who will match both of them equally is more likely than that. It usually doesn't take long for them to grow out of the unicorn hunting phase.

Usually, the unicorn hunting is a sign that the couple doesn't have realistic expectations.

[River]

That naivete is kinda cute, actually.

SeventhCrow,

Are you skeptical toward the probability of potentially successful triads, generally, or just toward dyads actively seeking a bi woman partner together?

I ask in part because it is quite possible that I'm participating in an early stage of forming a triad involving three men. That is, we're all mutually attracted to each of the participants. Two of us are long-time open (poly) dyad lovers. The possibility of this going smoothly enough feels very real. It really feels like a very low-drama situation--which, at this point in my life, it must be if it is gonna work for me.

[vampiresscammy]

Welcome

[crazyeights101]

Usually, the unicorn hunting is a sign that the couple doesn't have realistic expectations.

I don't consider what i'm looking for an expectation. My fiance and I are perfectly happy together. Its only because i confided in him my intrest in women that he wanted another woman. I'm also not the selfish kind to want two separate relationships i would hope that everyone would be compatible in some aspect at very least on friend terms. After all if I sought another relationship outside my own this would be cheating and I am not about to lower myself to those standards. my question to you had we been searching for a male partner to both share would you feel the same way or is it just the male having two hot women in bed sterotype that caused this bias?

[Scorpio]

AH...the unicorn hunters, seeking the elusive, hot, bi babe to make all their poly dreams come true!

That naivete is kinda cute, actually. The odds of the each of them finding a good match in another partner aren't large ('cause poly folk don't grow on trees) and they think that finding a woman who will match both of them equally is more likely than that. It usually doesn't take long for them to grow out of the unicorn hunting phase.

Usually, the unicorn hunting is a sign that the couple doesn't have realistic expectations.

This is not the first time Ive seen this moderator post something like this to a new person. And I don't blame those people one bit if they do get offended by those uncalled for comments. Who are you to go about telling someone what is "unrealistic"? (and even if it was unrealistic, why would you go through such effort to openly comment and offend anyone who might be looking for that? Wouldnt it be better to just let them seek what they are looking for, and wish them the best, no matter what?)

You know, it's actually beginning to appear that that maybe you just have personal issues on this subject. Weren't successful in your "unicorn hunting" as you call it, and so now you try to discourage everyone else? :rolleyes:

Talk about a surefire way to drive people away from your site!

[DestinyWaits]

Welcome to the boards

[NeonKaos]

my question to you had we been searching for a male partner to both share would you feel the same way or is it just the male having two hot women in bed sterotype that caused this bias?

There is a little of that stereotype, but it has more to do with the "expectation" that the third person will connect with both members of the couple equally, and that the original twosome of the mindset that they are "searching" for someone to "complete" "their" relationship. [Edit: I have noticed that some folks, when this is pointed out to them, will backpedal and say "But OF COURSE we would all be EQUALS!!!" or something to that effect. But, it kind of shows what's going on in people's subconscious to begin with.]

In my own small but varied experiences, and from talking with other folks, I have never noticed a couple "looking for" a "male unicorn". I also have never come across a bisexual female "seeking" a m/f couple in order to become involved in a "closed triad".

Of course I realize that every relationship is unique, there are certain patterns that exist within relationships which are not unique.

If you read the posts here thoroughly, you would notice that the unicorn comments are not meant in a nasty, "you are not welcome here" way, but rather in a "join the club and take a number" kind of way, at least as far as I'm concerned. Also, 7th Crow and myself are not the only two people who have said these jokes about Unicorn Hunting. However, he has tried to explain it, as I am attempting to do right now, because people (such as yourself) have ASKED "WTH do you mean by that?"

[smittenkitten]

Welcome, hope you find what you are looking for!

[XYZ123]

Welcome. And if you're hunting "unicorns", I suppose I'm wondering if they exist, if not actively searching. I don't know why there wouldn't be more. Most of the women I know personally who consider themselves poly seem to be happy with one man between two or more women. I've never known (personally) an active poly relationship with one woman and more than one man. I actually find THAT sort of relationship as a bit odd since I've always thought of men as less willing to share a woman with another man than a woman willing to share. And men being less comfortable with eachother physically, which is common if not always sexual between poly women. But that's just me.

[Funk2Lopez]

Welcome to the board and happy hunting. I was one of the lucky few that found one. They do exist but finding them is hard and getting one that really works out is also hard. We are still working through some things and push each others' buttons but we know that we will work through each issue and we are still happily together and planning a vacation to visit hubby's family in September as a triad.

*crossing fingers and hoping all goes well there*

[crazyeights101]

[QUOTE
*crossing fingers and hoping all goes well there*[/QUOTE]

Best of luck for you that kind of thing can perplex some people hope all works out well thanks for the positive feedback

[crazyeights101]

If you read the posts here thoroughly, you would notice that the unicorn comments are not meant in a nasty, "you are not welcome here" way, but rather in a "join the club and take a number" kind of way, at least as far as I'm concerned. "

Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps Seventh Crow just writes in a more opressive tone which is all a part of style. After all if we were in person and i could distinguish body language and tone there wouldn't have been confusion. I'm not hostile just a little taken aback to say this sort of thing and have people of the same mindset "shoot me down" so to speak. I could expect that from people who aren't in the lifestlye but then again i'm no pro to this lifestyle or anything. I don't want to step on any toes but i'm not the type to back down if i feel i've been misjudged. Perhaps you were just able to say the same thing in a less aggressive way. Thanks for the view.

[crazyeights101]

However, he has tried to explain it, as I am attempting to do right now, because people (such as yourself) have ASKED "WTH do you mean by that?"

Also on another note i didn't join this forum as a way of "hooking up" I joined this forum as a way to communicate with people who believe in this lifestyle and get some opinions. I understand this isn't a dating site and i'm not into trying a long distance relationship. just to clear things up

[NeonKaos]

Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps Seventh Crow just writes in a more opressive tone which is all a part of style. After all if we were in person and i could distinguish body language and tone there wouldn't have been confusion. I'm not hostile just a little taken aback to say this sort of thing and have people of the same mindset "shoot me down" so to speak. I could expect that from people who aren't in the lifestlye but then again i'm no pro to this lifestyle or anything. I don't want to step on any toes but i'm not the type to back down if i feel i've been misjudged. Perhaps you were just able to say the same thing in a less aggressive way. Thanks for the view.

7th-Crow said some things in reply to my first post about my situation; it was not what I wanted to hear, but I knew it was on target (and turned out to be so). I appreciated the non-sugarcoatedness of it.

[vixen]

I don't have an interest in other men as he satisfies all my needs, but there is just something about the feminine figure and ways of a woman that intrigue me. .

i can totally relate, (although my situation is a bit different.)

[redpepper]

Welcome. And if you're hunting "unicorns", I suppose I'm wondering if they exist, if not actively searching. I don't know why there wouldn't be more. Most of the women I know personally who consider themselves poly seem to be happy with one man between two or more women. I've never known (personally) an active poly relationship with one woman and more than one man. I actually find THAT sort of relationship as a bit odd since I've always thought of men as less willing to share a woman with another man than a woman willing to share. And men being less comfortable with eachother physically, which is common if not always sexual between poly women. But that's just me.

hm, odd huh? ;)

I don't find it odd at all. although I run across those who do quite often. what makes it odd exactly? I am finding it quite normal...!

[redpepper]

I prefer the non-sugar coated approach myself and often give it.... however, I hope that by saying it is my opinion or my experience people realize that it is just that. Sometimes joking in text form doesn't go over well, I took 7th's comment as a just that, a joke out of frustration for the situation.... what he says is true in my opinion.... unicorns are a bit of a fantasy.

[XYZ123]

Redpepper- I explained why it seemed odd to me in the very next line. I just haven't known men personally willing or able to share with another man. But I'm glad you have found your loves and they share that ability. Maybe in NYC men are "supposed" to be "dogs" and women are "sluts" if they "cheat" with another man? But a bi chick is "hot" and actually sought after. I don't know. Not my mentality, but it does seem the overwhelming opinion here. :rolleyes:

[redpepper]

Yes I saw that. I was hoping for an expansion on that. I live on the west coast. But I think it is mostly the men I chose to have in my life and who I am as a woman with a strong 70's feminist mother that ruled the roost. I certainly don't do that though... Hmmm... Still trying to work that out.

[MonoVCPHG]

But I think it is mostly the men I chose to have in my life .

I can attest that the disaproving pressure exerted by straight mono men towards me is considerable even though it is subtly spoken about. I think it is much easier for people to accept the MFF arrangement then the FMM one. I am not surprised there is less of them...err me.

I think it is definitely the men you choose to have in your life..of which I am happy and proud to be a part of.....maybe I'm just not very manly:eek: