Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

[MonoVCPHG]

There is often a lot of struggle discussed in these forums. Struggle is natural and often necessary in achieving things that are worthwhile. I got caught up in some of the non-positive aspects of polyamory and allowed a lot of painful energy to enter my life. As a result I began feeling increased fear, doubt, and frustration in not understanding how my girlfriend Redpepper shares love and intimacy. (I am monogamous/ she is polyamorous). I want to share with the brave and interesting people on this forum but not at the detriment of the amazing love I have with Redpepper.

For this reason this thread is about sharing positive stories, success, happiness and good times in our and your poly lives.

.................................................. .................................................. ......

To re-assure, and hopefully reinforce, that this is in fact natural (although not my nature LOL!), wonderful and worth working towards for those who want it, I have decided to share a quick but wonderful achievement in our lives.

Last night, Redpepper, her husband, her Lover and me along with several other friends got together. We chatted and laughed at a pub before heading to the bar for some well needed but poorly musically funded dancing. At the pub I chuckled in watching Redpepper move around the table chatting with everyone, lovers and friends alike. This didn’t appear to be work or a balancing act. It looked like her doing what comes naturally to her, socializing and sharing with her friends.

At the bar we all danced together at times, in different small groups at times, and as couples at times. There was no jealousy or “greediness” for her attention. There was fun interacting amongst friends who care for each other.

We are very proud in what we have. That doesn’t make it easy, but makes it unbelievably fulfilling and completely worth every moment of anxiety, fear and insecurity. There is a shared love amongst us for one person and each other.

The key to our success, I believe, is that each person cares so much for the other person and thier well-being. Redpepper seemed more relaxed than I have ever seen her in this dynamic last night. There is no pulling to monopolize or even balance her attention amongst her Lovers. There is just enjoyment in her presence and appreciation for the happiness she gives all of us. Seeing her Lovers together as friends and enjoying time together gives her a radiance I can't describe!

We all have to work to make this possible…Redpepper more than any of us...but with genuine caring you stop noticing the “work” aspect and it just becomes our nature to look after each other.

Thank you Redpepper…you amaze and bless me with your love..despite the fact you scare me….I had to say it!:)

[Olivier]

Nice to read this.. very nice :)

[River]

Nice to read this.. very nice :)

Agreed.

[MonoVCPHG]

Yesterday I went with Redpepper, her husband and their son to a local island to look at some property for them. Her husband grew up on the island and he enjoyed showing me his old neighbourhood. I met his father and step mother as well although I am considered a friend with both their parents.

Throughout the day we rotated the car seating so each of us got to talk with each other as well as spend time with their son. On the ferry ride, Redpepper sat between us at one point and had her arm around both of us. I didn't even look for people's response..simply because I don't care. As long as her husband is comfortable and it is not so obvious to confuse her son I am fine with it.

At one point we were having a picnic styled lunch and it really struck me how natural and wonderful all of us together feels. Her husband is someone I could have a deep friendship with in any case. Getting to know him is just another gift Redpepper and polyamory has given me. Her son wanted me to spend the night again LOL so I am feeling very good about my presence in regards to his well being. Redpepper's family is starting to ask more questions about me which is humorous and kind of nerve wracking!

Feeling how good this is did stir up some fears of me screwing it up due to my mono nature but discussing things with Redpepper once again made me feel comfortable and safe.
I am on an amazing and fulfilling journey..we all are..I feel blessed in so many ways!!

[Danny40179]

ROCK ON MONO AND RED!!! I"m so happy for you guys. There are indeed too many stories of struggle on this board. Don't get me wrong, that's what this board is all about, but it's always wonderful to read a success story!

I'm thrilled for you guys and look forward to many more happy stories!!

[MonoVCPHG]

Hi everyone,
Just a short update on the journey me and Redpepper have been on :).

The love between us has been continuing to reach new levels that stagger both of us. The relationship I have with her husband and son is flourishing and I am feeling more and more like family. Her son asked me if I was going to stay in this family and in the manner of children stated that “he was” LOL! He also tells me he loves me and I love him as well.

Her husband and I have enjoyed working together on projects while camping and he has become my closest and most trusted confidant outside of Redpepper herself. I can share my worries and feelings with him as he is very logical and non judgemental in seeing through the emotional clouds that Redpepper and me have peered through at times.

Redpepper and I went through a very serious moment of misunderstanding each other which gave us a taste of what losing each other would feel like. This came out of misinterpreting our expectations and boundaries. More than anything it was due to different definitions of the same ideas and words. It was honestly terrifying and yet once we figured out what each other really needed and wanted we were basically on the same page! The result has been a new level of confidence and security in our relationship which has filled us with excitement in so many ways.

We are not forcing the future although we all have similar goals and desires. Essentially everyone in this relationship wants each other to be happy. Each of us is communicating and looking out for the well being of the other. I have no issues with time balance or public displays of affection when we are all together. (Except she tries to get me in trouble LOL!) My family is completely aware of our relationship and Redpepper’s family know I am a very close personal friend and occasional “babysitter” for thier son.

I can’t really speak for Redpepper and her husband but they seem as strong as ever and as in love as ever. I take great joy in aiding them in spending alone time together which makes me feel like I am bringing them closer as a couple. I am quite comfortable in referring to myself as a secondary (although that is not the word they would prefer), and will always put their family and primary relationship first and foremost.

As a group, we are active in the local poly community through monthly meetings where I humbly feel people view us as an example of deep poly success and what can be achieved if the right people come together.

We have challenges ahead I’m sure..but they are getting harder to identify and we are focussing on the present as opposed to living in a future that isn’t here yet.
I am extremely proud of Redpepper and feel blessed by every minute we have together alone and as a family if I might be so bold to use the word. I love her with all my heart and want only for her to be fulfilled and flourish. I definitely feel like a positive in her life and to her family which is my critical requirement to be healthy and happy.

Take care everyone
This wasn't quite as short as I intended :D

[Mark1npt]

That's wonderful, Mono....very happy for you!

[polyfx]

This is very positive! :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Another update!

I'm not pretending there are not challenges for me and Redpepper, everything is not all flowers and butterflies but I want to continue sharing our adventure on this thread:)

Tonight I was invited to Redpepper's parents house for a family supper. It was relaxed, incredible and so natural for all of us to be together. Her brother was there as well as a deep family friend of hers. We felt like family; Redpeppper felt it, I caught her looking around and looking so full. Her parents do not know about us yet and that is absolutely fine by me:) I think we could wait a lot longer in my opinion for things to settle out..not to mention it's gonna get awkward!! They accept me as a friend and that is enough for me LOL!!

All of us would have been friends regardless of my involvement in their family I think. We are all doing great in the moment:D

[Sunshinegrl]

That'S Such a positive update. Its great to see your relationship flourishing. You both sound Very much in love and very content.

[Mark1npt]

That's wonderful Mono......enjoy every moment like that, that you can! They sure feel good.

[foxflame88]

Knowing that all relationships have challenges, it is nice to read the positive aspects too. TFS

[smittenkitten]

Knowing that all relationships have challenges, it is nice to read the positive aspects too. TFS
Agreed! This is a wonderful example of a positive poly relationship! I am happy for all of you. :D

[MonoVCPHG]

It just got better too:D!! We had a major break through towards the future yesterday.

I recently became so threatened by the future that I completely devoted myself to living in the moment. There is nothing wrong with living in the moment, but I was so deep into it that I was stopping us from moving forward. It was great not thinking about anything but what I was doing at that time but I was missing something and Redpepper felt it too. I felt like there was no future which leaves blackness when we are not together.

We got to root of my issue revolving around insecurities which were blocking my ability to move forward. I simply had to ask for what I needed to feel secure in committing to her and her family on a deeper level. I am excited and more in love with her than ever:)

[MonoVCPHG]

Just a very quick note I promise:)

There is a very calm and yet exciting security that has entered Redpepper and my relationship. Her husband asked that we all get together for a drink prior to our date night recently. I love these opportunities to group bond. We had a great time, lots of laughter and everything is just feeling so right. We all checked in and discussed what each of us was getting from the relationship. I was very tempted to forego private time with Redpepper and just hang out as a group. He is a very close friend and I would enjoy his company under any circumstances.

Again I am thankful to Redpepper for not only sharing her love with me but in also allowing me to make a wonderful new friend in her husband.
I continue to be amazed at just how lucky I am and how natural this all is:D

Thank you Lilo. You have very little idea just how immense and special the love I have for you and your family is...but I have lots of time and boundless energy to show you.

[XYZ123]

Thank you for sharing. I read these posts with a big smile and hope that we can all be as happy as you are.

[MonoVCPHG]

With work every one can be for sure! It's never all butterflies, but there is so much good:D

You are very welcome and take care

[MonoVCPHG]

With work every one can be for sure! It's never all butterflies, but there is so much good:D



Redpepper and me spoke about just how much work has gone into this relationship and achieving something that is growing and continues to amaze us. We are becoming normalized within our "V". When I say normalized I mean simply that it just feels like this is the way it is supposed to be. I'm not talking about the understanding of extended family, but the comfort amongst her, her husband and me. This also includes her son who has become bonded with me. I simply know she is there and we are all together with the welfare of each other put first. We feel like a constant...not static, but a constant that is evolving based on a rock solid core.

We fought an emotional war to get here. Twice we hit breaking points where we had to make decisions about staying together. Once it felt terminal, like there was no way to move forward. Our depth of love and the wisdom of her husband kept us fighting to find a way. It was a matter of knowing this was immensely worth it and not an effort to prove we could do it. It came from wanting to share lifetimes together. We fought with each other a little and within ourselves a lot. I certainly did.

This is so worth it. I have never struggled with something like this before and I'm sure Redpepper would say it was exhausting and almost too much at times. In our love and commitment to building a future we have made it I feel. Now it is our continuing growth and "normalizing" it for the rest of our friends and family that is our challenge. It is not inside us any more in a lot of ways. Now it is more a challenge of logistics and not love. Our love is secure.....I am proud of us.

I hope everyone gets exactly what they are looking for in this. Good luck and lots of love:D

[redpepper]

We fought an emotional war to get here. Twice we hit breaking points where we had to make decisions about staying together. ....
This is so worth it. .....I am proud of us.

Wow, what a battle hey! I am proud of us too. What a long way from that conversation we had where you couldn't believe that my husband and I were still in love after all these years and couldn't believe that I wouldn't get bored at some point after our NRE wore off. I told you then that I would always love you and that this was real for me and that we could also be in love for a long time to come too. You looked so scared and disbelieving. There has never been a doubt in my mind. It is coming real... all that we wanted.

I think sometimes people get scared to face their fears when they get to a certain point in their relationships and are unable to move forward because of the disabling effect of that fear. In return they tend to stagnate and eventually fall out of love with one another. Of course sometimes people just get too busy and self absorbed also. What a gift it is when I face my fears and dive right into my relationships... I feel as if I have NRE (new relationship energy) all over again but on a deeper level! I know there is more NRE feelings to come as long as we work hard, it's our reward.... each other and the deepness of our love. I have it with my husband and now with you to Mono. i'm so lucky. Is it just luck? no, I think it's really hard work as well.... I love you. For all to hear. I love you.

[Mark1npt]

Love is always hard work, guys.......but isn't the payoff great? Congrats and keep going.

[vandalin]

You two are so inspiring to me. Thank you so much for sharing your lives and troubles and discoveries with us. Now if only I could get a certain someone to read this. ;)

[Amalthea]

Congratulations, this is so inspiring to read!

[MonoVCPHG]

You two are so inspiring to me.


There is a very important third in this. Redpepper's husband. He is an amazing person and a strong man. I respect him with immense depth.

All of us went to pick up their son after work. He asked me if I loved his mom. I pointed at both his parents and said, "I love them both, and I love you too". We all had supper and I read their son a story before he went to bed.

I could not have been accepted by a more loving "chosen" family:)

Take care

[Mark1npt]

What a great feeling! Let's hope others on this board get to experience some of what you guys have. The world would be a much happier and kinder place. It is indeed inspiring to hear. Congrats! :)

[vandalin]

There is a very important third in this. Redpepper's husband. He is an amazing person and a strong man. I respect him with immense depth.

Sorry, didn't mean to leave him out, I meant you two as posters on the boards, unless Redpeppers hubby posts as well and I didn't realize it. :)

And again, would love to have just a small taste of what you and your family share.

[Nadine]

I almost feel like a fly on the wall reading your posts, it's so intimate. I love reading about the three person dynamic. I love reading about the relationship between you and husband and you and red. I love reading your statements that you sprinkle in your replies about how you are encouraging them to continue to build their love as well as your own, and that you and husband are friends.
I love it. I love reading this sort of thing. The V has always intrigued me.
You guys, really really do rock. All 4 of you (husband and son as well)

[redpepper]

thanks N! Mono talks like that in real life too... I am so loved.... you know I now have an almost entire journal of his love notes that he leaves for me on the path I go for a walk on every night. They are left in the hole of a tree for me to rummage around and find. I sometimes leave ones too as well as feathers and flowers and other small nature items. He has been leaving them since New years.... rain or shine. I don't expect that he will forever, but I will always have my book and the love that rests on every page I have glued those notes onto. It will always be very special to me.

[Sunshinegrl]

I almost feel like a fly on the wall reading your posts, it's so intimate. I love reading about the three person dynamic. I love reading about the relationship between you and husband and you and red. I love reading your statements that you sprinkle in your replies about how you are encouraging them to continue to build their love as well as your own, and that you and husband are friends.
I love it. I love reading this sort of thing. The V has always intrigued me.
You guys, really really do rock. All 4 of you (husband and son as well)

This.
It makes me feel so good to read of such a relationship.Its plainly obvious that it is overflowing with love and respect of everyone that is involved. Its amazing.

[MonoVCPHG]

It will always be very special to me.

There is nothing that will be a special as the way you have touched my life, Gorgeous. All the notes in the world won't capture what I truly feel..I am simply without words, simply in awe of your love and blown away by the depth of our connection. I may never completely understand you, but I will always stand by you.;)

[MonoVCPHG]

You guys will actually get a little peace and quiet from me for a couple of days:)

Redpepper and me are off to a resort for the weekend..WOOHOO!!

Her husband is an incredible man and I am extremely thankful he has made this time available for us.

Redpepper will be coming in to check out a little gift from Ygirl and then it's hitting the road time!

Enjoy your weekend everyone, peace and love:)

[MonoVCPHG]

Redpepper and I had a fantastic weekend!

We considered going away to be a celebration in honour of our entering a new phase of our love and life together. Both of us are clear on what we need and comfortable with the shape of our relationship and the future we want. We feel as though our internal struggles are over, our love won over our fears, we are devoted to us and the chosen family we have.

Our challenges will be from the outside now. Logistics and family relations will be worked on without hurry however. There is no time limit and we need to put the welfare of others at the forefront now that we are at peace and even deeper in love.

Her husband recommended going for two nights and yet again he was right. What a gift he has given us.

As a side note…you should hear Redpepper getting a massage! Me and the woman giving my massage were both looking over..WOW can she ever breath!! meeeeoooowww! ;)

[MonoVCPHG]

Just a quick note about our latest challenge!

I come from a very mono, vanilla background. Not sexually repressed, just one where sexuality is lower key, more private between couples. Redpepper comes from a background of much greater diversity and openness about sexuality.

My tendency to shut down when she spoke of sexually natured things we could go see and she is interested was initially interpreted as me judging the people in her life and the sex positive environment.

We had a date night recently and the first thing we did was spend a good hour discussing this. I had to explain my reasons for getting quiet so I knew she understood. Basically, the more open approach to sexuality in the sex positive community generated fear in me. A fear of losing her. We identified this and I asked her to help me become more knowledgeable and comfortable in her community, as I have chosen a life with her, which puts a distance between my own past community.

She is extremely patient in letting me become more comfortable with this new world. Her husband and other Love are also very understanding. I worried about putting a damper on all of their fun in certain things but am accepting that this is not the case.

I am pushing myself to be more comfortable in a sex positive environment but will not do anything I think will harm my connection with her. This is not about polyamory, multiple loves or about having sex. It is about not only accepting different interests, but also being comfortable around them in a healthy way with her and her Husband.

Once again communication takes us to another level. The benefits are huge! I am even more in love with her. She is so doomed:D

[redpepper]

Just for the record that massage HURT!

You are more doomed...:rolleyes:

[MonoVCPHG]

Odd how your pain sounds are so close to your pleasure sounds..HEHEE!! Bring on the doom Baby!!

[Mark1npt]

Fantastic! Mutual doom!!!! Doesn't get any better than that people!

[Rarechild]

This all makes SO MUCH SENSE. Thank you for sharing the methods you all use, the feelings behind them, and the beautiful sense of well being and love that results from challenging our lesser selves who have been told so many lies about how we are to relate to one another.

I was raised in a very religious born-again and many times judgmental community, but it was not without lots of love for me as the person I am. I have repaired my thinking on how to relate to my family to a great extent-without subscribing to their religious theology and "moral" standards.

But I remember as a child in church feeling the sense of fellowship and love felt by many towards one goal as a community of support, and study, and growth.

I never thought this correlation would be possible, but as I learn about polyamory, hear these lovely stories of higher being, experience the lifting of burdens and negativity that have resulted from my husband and I talking about love in this way - I think it is the closest feeling to spiritual euphoria I have felt since I was a small child.

Amazing journey is right. We are all brave to strive for such sophisticated personal evolution. So many never even reach for it.

I was so wrong for most of my life when I thought I'd have to be alone in order to explore this life choice. It seems the polar opposite it true- and ain't that grand. :)

[XYZ123]

I was so wrong for most of my life when I thought I'd have to be alone in order to explore this life choice. It seems the polar opposite it true- and ain't that grand. :)

Amen - from a very non-religious woman.

[AutumnalTone]

I was raised in a very religious born-again and many times judgmental community, but it was not without lots of love for me as the person I am. I have repaired my thinking on how to relate to my family to a great extent-without subscribing to their religious theology and "moral" standards.


I was reared in a Nazarene church--very judgmental. Everybody at church always spoke of love, yet they always limited it so very much. Had to be the right sort of love with the right sort of people done in the right sort of way. Seemed to me that they just didn't really understand what they were talking about, as they were so very afraid of it.

When everything was within their little boundaries, though, there was a great deal of warmth and caring. Stray outside the lines and that evaporated quickly.

I think my mother doesn't want to know much about my love life because she can easily practice denial by pretending that I'm married like everybody else and nothing more. I don't hide anything from her, though I don't try to keep her updated on what's going on. Should she get bent out of shape, well, I don't have to deal with her on those terms. She can play nice or play by herself.

[MonoVCPHG]

Hi everyone. I just got back from a BBQ with Redpepper and family at another poly identified family's house. This is the third get together for me and I thought I would pass the experience on. First of all, this is not an intimate relationship; it is part of a like-minded community being built.

I will be honest in saying there is still some of the "third wheel" thoughts going on for me even though they are just friends. Like when we went to play bocce ball and we had five adults..I called it a “poly quandary” LOL! There were actually times where I thought "this will never be normal to me" and “why is a mono guy hanging out with all these poly people”.

I never doubt my love for Redpepper or her family, just the social differences of our approaches and backgrounds and in fact how we love differently. It's very hard to accept I am actually moving into a whole new social circle sometimes. I also admit I have moments of missing my old monogamous, vanilla cracker social environment. Black and white is a comfortable place even though the depth is not there usually.

Now, moving on. I had a very good time! I played lots with both their kids and we all played back yard games together. Redpepper was surprised to see that I, like her husband, played a game called "hackey sac" when I was younger. We had a very good time and I feel my friendship with her husband growing constantly. I love knowing he would be a great friend regardless.

Even though I wasn't as affectionate as Redpepper would have liked I think she truly enjoyed seeing her men together and both families enjoying each other's company. Another great evening!!

[aussielover]

Glad you had such a good time after all Mono! Sounds like a blast.
lol just wondering... how old are you and Redpeppers husband? Hackey sac was VERY popular when I was a teen. I was quite good at it back then too.

[MonoVCPHG]

I'm 37 until October and he is 33 I believe. I've lost some of my moves, damn old age :D

[aussielover]

lol close to my age then.. yeah, not got quite the manuverability I once had lol... Damn aging.

[MonoVCPHG]

I'm pretty sure I tore a calf , tweaked my back and pulled a groin muscle..my calf and back I can live without ;)

[redpepper]

I will be honest in saying there is still some of the "third wheel" thoughts going on for me even though they are just friends.
.....
Even though I wasn't as affectionate as Redpepper would have liked I think she truly enjoyed seeing her men together and both families enjoying each other's company. Another great evening!!

Your third wheel complex is totally your own making silly. No one sees you as such, you create it when you think like that.... it just makes us all confused about why you think like that.

No you weren't affectionate enough ;) I know it's because you don't want the kids to see, especially my boy, but really, he knows I love you and he knows that we sneak hugs and kisses.... I think it confuses him that you want to make it a secret and makes him feel that our love is not okay.... I'm not okay with that. Our love is okay and I for one am more than ready to show him that I love you more than others in our life.

I DID enjoy seeing my men together! Are you kidding! I have the best men going! Sexy, fun, funny, smart, good to the core, what more could I ask for! I am so blessed.... *sigh* and very happy :)

[XYZ123]

You two are adorable.
Redpepper-I wish your husband would post on here. I'd so love to hear his side of this beautiful relationship.
Mono-Don't worry about being a third wheel. Tricycles get around just as well as bikes. ;) (Come to think of it I never could ride a bike. Maybe I should have known I was never meant to be mono a looooonnnng time ago.)

[MonoVCPHG]

I DID enjoy seeing my men together! Are you kidding! I have the best men going! Sexy, fun, funny, smart, good to the core, what more could I ask for! I am so blessed.... *sigh* and very happy :)

And this is what this thread is all about! We are a very natural family together for sure. We just don't need your boy telling his grandparents that I kissed his mommy :eek: That is a ripple in the water that won't fade soon and will touch a lot of people. But I see your point about the mixed messages to him. Ah, the sweet, sweet challenges..all so very worth it!

As far as the third wheel thing goes..I'll pull my mono-wiring card! "You just don't understand":D

I love you more;)

[MonoVCPHG]

Maybe I should have known I was never meant to be mono a looooonnnng time ago.)

Ask Redpepper about my motorbike..It only has room for one and I refuse to share it LOL! I guess I always knew I was mono. My truck only has two seats as well...hmmm.

[redpepper]

You two are adorable.
Redpepper-I wish your husband would post on here. I'd so love to hear his side of this beautiful relationship.

Thanks xyz123... he writes elsewhere on a blog. He isn't much into this kind of thing.... we talk about it often though and he participates verbally to us. I kind of like that it is just me and mono's thing anyway. It's nice to have our own space and own thing sometimes. Just as I do with my husband.

Mono.... whatever to the "you just don't understand" get over it already! ;) heh
we all know you are monogamous, it has nothing to do with feeling like a third wheel. You just like to make that the reason for everything. Silly man :D

[MonoVCPHG]

Mono.... whatever to the "you just don't understand" get over it already! ;) heh
we all know you are monogamous, it has nothing to do with feeling like a third wheel. You just like to make that the reason for everything. Silly man :D

It is quite convenient I must admit...but you really don't understand. :p

[redpepper]

It is quite convenient I must admit...but you really don't understand. :p

I understand that you have created your third wheelness by believing that you are my secondary and not my other primary. Perhaps you need to do this right now and that is okay by me, because I know what you mean to me. Besides, even if you are a third wheel, who cares! That is other peoples problem, not ours. Again, nothing to do with being mono, I think that others in Triads who identify as poly would feel like that sometimes too.

Thanks for clarifying about my boy and his grandparents, good point, although I am so ready to take that on.... I'm just waiting for you and my husband to catch up to me with that feeling.

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks for clarifying about my boy and his grandparents, good point, although I am so ready to take that on.... I'm just waiting for you and my husband to catch up to me with that feeling.

This is truly a huge concern for us both. While I will be viewed as a possible home wrecking "other man", he will be faced by many other external pressures from both sides of your family. This may also lead to talks about other partners, sexuality in general and who knows what. It's a big one for sure..but we'll get there.

:eek:
Just remember I love you..no matter if I am kissing that gorgeous face or not:)

[redpepper]

This thread is no place for this discussion as it is about success and happiness! How about we end this topic now and save it for further communication at another time. When we actually have success on this we can talk about it here.

[MonoVCPHG]

This thread is no place for this discussion as it is about success and happiness! How about we end this topic now and save it for further communication at another time. When we actually have success on this we can talk about it here.

Absolutely right my Love! I hijacked my own thread:)

[MonoVCPHG]

While Redpepper and her hubby were at a movie tonight I spent time with mutual friends of ours. They are closer to Redpepper and me but do know her husband. They are also extremely traditionally mono and have been married for 30 years.

I found myself truly appreciating their friendship and genuine concern for our well being. They are curious, but very caring. I like sharing with them because they don't judge either of us and care about our relationship. It is refreshing to have this kind of connection. I admit it is a bit closer to my social comfort zone but maintaining a little bit of my old life isn't a bad thing I think. Redpepper enjoys their company a lot too and tomorrow night we are going to their place for a BBQ.

I am so proud to show her off whenever I can...can I say that:)? She is amazing in so many ways..I love her in a completely new and exciting way...she is a gift.

[redpepper]

They are "our" friends. Not ones that I chose or ones that are mine and my husbands.... "ours" I find that very exciting to be building a life that includes "our" stuff! I'm very excited.

You can show me off, I certainly show you off. I'm so proud to be anywhere with you and especially when it is us three.

[MonoVCPHG]

especially when it is us three.

I couldn't agree more:)

[MonoVCPHG]

The last couple of weeks have been very interesting for Redpepper and me. We have continued to explore our natures and examine the differences and similarities. There has been a substantial awareness wash over us in just how committed we both are to building a lifelong future and family. When I speak of family I am specifically referring to my integration and presence with their existing family.

I think even Redpepper is surprised in how easy it has been for me to see her husband as a deep friend and have total compersion for what they have. This is not a face I put on or self-denial. I simply love the both of them as a single entity with their son. My love for her cannot be a negative as long as I see them this way.

This is so natural and good feeling for me personally, I feel completely blessed. I know it is rare to be in a FMM "V", especially when there is an intended life long commitment to the relationship but I am where I want to be and where I belong.

I love Redpepper with a new maturity and awareness gained through my past experiences and in the lessons polyamory has taught me about self analysis and communication. She knows how I feel about her. I think she is really figuring it out :D

[vandalin]

I love reading these updates from you. It helps to give me hope that someday I might find the other half of my FMM "V". Keep up the wonderful work and love you guys. :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Redpepper almost gave up her search for someone before she met me....but it was meant to be. I don't think I was exactly what she was looking for initially or even if she knew what she wanted for herself. She's stuck with me now though :rolleyes:

I think it'll happen when it is meant to Vandalin. Don't give up but don't force it either.

[vandalin]

Yeah, I learned about that "don't force it" thing the hard way. lol

I'm definitly not going to push it or give up. I've never been big on cruising and finding a man so I'm not even sure where this will go now...but at least I know more than I did before. ;) All in good time.

[MonoVCPHG]

So tonight Redpepper had her entire immediate family over for supper and invited me to join them. This gave me a good opportunity to get to know her brother better as we chatted and hung hand made pasta together LOL! (first for everything)

The entire night felt very comfortable and I could sense that I am becoming comfortably present in their lives. Tonight was without a lot of the "encroaching" feeling I have had in the past. I am simply becoming comfortable with all of them. I am sure this will give me confidence when in the future they know of my involvement in Redpepper's life.

Redpepper, her husband and me really do work well together in this type of setting. I'm sure it is a little odd for her parents and brother to see me as a guest who just happens to do dishes and knows where everything goes in her kitchen!!

I am giving everything I have to my love for Redpepper and trying to make sure her family is thriving with me in it.

The future looks amazing:D

[redpepper]

Earlier in the day my family went to celebrate my mum's birthday at a restaurant. My husband and I talk about Mono a lot and my Dad finally asked why he is around so much. My husband took the reigns on that one as I knew it would sound better coming from him. He talked about how Mono is a good fit to our family and how we all seem to get along well. When my Dad asked why we never talk about other friends the same way, he said that we have lots of other friends he knows nothing about, but we chose to spend our time mostly with Mono. He told him that Mono comes to our house when we are not there and helps us out sometimes by mowing the lawn and doing our dishes. That he uses our massage bed on his lunch hour as he works just down the street and that him and I go for walks after work and have coffee as our work days end at the same time. Because this all came from my husband and was obviously okay with him, my Dad didn't flinch. Everyone was listening in and it became normalized quickly.

At our supper time production Mono fit in like he has always been there. Everyone thinks he is great and no one acted as if he didn't belong...

One more step closer to a successful transition into the truth.

Next week we are all going camping again. We have done this before all together, but the more we all spend time together, the better off we are in telling them all.

It all feels so right and so comfortable... I am so happy with it all! :D

[XYZ123]

I'm sure it is a little odd for her parents and brother to see me as a guest who just happens to do dishes and knows where everything goes in her kitchen!!

I find this funny because most of my good friends walk around the apartment as if they own it and I could care less. I've come home to friends sitting on my couch watching TV with a drink in their hand and my reaction is "What's on?"

Redpepper- Love that the transition to the truth as you call it is going over so well. Congratulations. I hope the final step can be made soon and go over just as smoothly. :D

[Mark1npt]

This sounds so good you three.....Redpepper your husband did a damn fine job with putting that info out there for everyone. He must be a helluva guy. Isn't it a wonderful feeling to get closer to your truth? Isn't it wonderful to be so familiar, so in tune with your "family" that you don't feel like you're ever encroaching? That level of comfort in your home life is invaluable. My continued good wishes for you all.

[MonoVCPHG]

Yesterday we went to a social gathering primarily consisting of the people we also see at monthly poly meetings. It was nice to get to know people without the weight of polyamory hanging over my head. What I mean by this is that it was about just building friendships without a topic agenda which was nice. Redpepper, her husband and son and I were there and it felt very natural to present ourselves as chosen family, we get along so well.

We all had a little fun at my expense when "The Ethical Slut" book came up in the conversation. (Or Satan's Bible as I refer to it...I hate that book :D) I am getting used to being the only mono person in our group and learning to have fun with it. This is a big step forward in integrating comfortably into what has been a very threatening environment for me.

Little steps on a long path with my incredible Lilo and the vision we all have for the future.:)

[redpepper]

Thanks for all the good wishes folks :) I am so glad we can share our story. It feels great to be able to be a bit of hope for those seeking a similar life. I really hope that hope is what we bring and not jealousy and resentment. Some times I wonder if it wouldn't be better to be more hush hush. I am sure you all realize that in sharing we build on love, community, respect for differences and on hope for the future. That is what it is all about for me.

[XYZ123]

If anyone is jealous and resentful they need to wok on their compersion skills. ;)

[vandalin]

If anyone is jealous and resentful they need to work on their compersion skills. ;)

They also need to work on their "get off their asses and do something about it" skills. ;) If anyone wants what Redpepper and Mono (and family of course) share then they better be ready to go get it and work for it.

I admit, I envy you guys, but I'm not jealous and definitely not resentful. I love hearing these updates, it's like reading a serial story. Maybe you guys should write all this stuff down and co-author a book. ;)

[MonoVCPHG]

Maybe you guys should write all this stuff down and co-author a book. ;)

A book with two or three authors? That's not very mono :eek:

[MonoVCPHG]

Ummm..what to say other than this is so incredibly normal to me and we are all bonding like crazy:)

Redpepper, her husband, son, brother, parents and myself went camping this weekend. It was a great time for me to bond with her brother and spend some time with her husband as well.

Her husband and me are a very good team in getting projects done and we are growing increasingly close. Her brother and I get along very well and he knows something is going on. Redpepper is having a hard time not telling him but the time is not right for all of us so we will continue to wait for a better and more appropriate time.

I feel very comfortable with all of them. Things are very good with our core family and my relationship with Redpepper has become something beyond intimate love. I love her for her humanity, just knowing she is happy. This is amazing and fulfilling.

During our trip to the camping sight we stopped for coffee. As we ordered Redpepper stood between both her husband and me and was obviously affectionate with both of us. Not outwardly intimate but enough for me to notice the looks of some other customers. I felt quite ok and enjoyed the curiosity they displayed. I really don't care how people see us because I know how much love we all have.

Her son is very intuitive and is asking for more "date" times with me LOL! He is jealous of Redpepper's time with me and I told him I need to have more date times with him and with his dad as well. I think he is quite happy with me in their life and that is a huge positive for me.

All in all, I am one very happy secondary/primary/life love or whatever you want to call me. This is simply natural and possible for anyone prepared and in love enough to work for it.

Take care

Mono :D

[vandalin]

*smiles and sighs*

Someday...this is what I would want. And although I know you guys have put in a lot of hard work and effort, this is a wish I could dream for.

[redpepper]

We indeed are becoming more and more content and grounded in our happiness and lives together.

My husband asked me the other night what my intent was with all this as he sometimes is fearful that it is too much in someway as we are all so content. I didn't know how to answer at first as it is hard to say why we do things that are not the norm sometimes and it has all become so natural and easy to love one another. I finally said that it was simple, it's just my path. I'm on it and know it is right for me by the fact that I have never felt so alive and real before. If you saw the difference even in what we look like in photographs you'd see. I have never had so many comments on Facebook about how happy I look and how young and healthy. It must be the right path!

We have all decided to take a further step in our relationship together and that is that Mono is looking for a place closer to us. It has been 8 months now and we all agree that he lives too far away. This is the next step to us living together really, but a very important one. I can visit after work everyday and Mono will not have to travel as far to come and get me. Right now he has to come and get me so my parents don't notice the car is gone over night.

I am happy to have discovered that if we were to buy a house together or me and my husband buy one and Mono rent from us that it will be financially feasible. I am sooooo looking forward to getting my own room and maybe even bathroom?? :rolleyes::D We have started talking about what our needs would be and how to accommodate my little man (my son). It's early days yet and we won't be looking into all this soon. By the time we get there we will all know each other so well and be so ready to take this kind of leap. One that I have no doubt will last the rest of our lives in terms of deep love and friendship.

Lastly is the hurdle of telling our families.... *sigh* not an easy task although we already get comments about how I am dictated two by my two men... something my mother said in joke this weekend... I wonder what they think they know? hmmmm.... it will be interesting to find out eventually. I know one thing is true, I will be able to be completely free with my affections. It drives me crazy to be around Mono and not be able to touch him and kiss him. Show him the love that I feel. I do with my eyes and glances, but it isn't near enough!

[Mark1npt]

RP, Mono....so happy for how things are going for you all. RP you say the same stuff my OSO says when we're out in public....she wants to show PDAs but we're still not out locally, either. Mono, when we're out of town all 3 together I will walk hand in hand with each of them at times and yes, the looks and glances we get are really something! The best one is the look of.....huh? What is that? One guy, two women, wha??????....it is hilarious. I even think a few times, I caught other guys staring and their wives dragging them back to reality with the admonition of "don't you dare ever......" so funny!

[MonoVCPHG]

I even think a few times, I caught other guys staring and their wives dragging them back to reality with the admonition of "don't you dare ever......" so funny!

I never thought of that! I guess seeing other possibilities would make other people think about what they might be able to have LOL! Very cool.

[Mark1npt]

Yes it is, Mono!.....have also noticed quite a few odd looks from the 15-18 year olds in the shopping malls....they seem a little puzzled at first. I guess since we're all probably their parents ages and while they are a little more acclimated to their generation having multiple partners (they think they and MTV invented the notion, silly kids), they don't think their parents would ever approve of or do anything like this. Maybe we're all a little cooler than they think we are!

[Barry]

There is a shared love amongst us for one person and each other.

The key to our success, I believe, is that each person cares so much for the other person and thier well-being.
...but with genuine caring you stop noticing the “work” aspect and it just becomes our nature to look after each other.
Thank you Redpepper…you amaze and bless me with your love..despite the fact you scare me….I had to say it!:)

WOW.......you're the man!!!! What a great post.

Barry

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks Barry, I don't know about being the man, but I am certainly a very fortunate one...I feel it every day :)

[redpepper]

when we're out of town all 3 together I will walk hand in hand with each of them at times

Do you have a side for each of your ladies....? For me my husband sleeps on my left and Mono he sleeps on my right. It has transferred to day to day life somewhat at this point.

[MonoVCPHG]

:D I'm really thnking Redpepper loves me..a lot...that's all :D

[redpepper]

:D I'm really thnking Redpepper loves me..a lot...that's all :D

how did you guess :D:rolleyes:

[Mark1npt]

No RP, no set side or order for my ladies. Wherever they are is where they are. I must say my wife will often times make a point of nudging me toward the space between them if I stray to one side to window shop! She realizes how important it is to my OSO to feel an equal part of this threesome. Just one of the many thoughtful things she does.

[redpepper]

ahhh, I wish my mine were so thoughtful.... :mad:
They take great pleasure in tormenting me and getting me wound up.... as you can see on here, IT DOESN'T TAKE MUCH! :D

This past weekend we were moving our camper van that has been sitting for a couple of years. I always drive us everywhere, so I was the driver. Mono bugged me the whole time about how I was doing and my husband was right in on the festivities.... so mean!

I need to find some women with gentle souls to smooth my furrowed, tormented brow after a lashing of teasing from those two..... ;) share????? :rolleyes:

[MonoVCPHG]

I only tease you because your husband forces me to...I have to listen...it's the role of a secondary according to my poly manual :rolleyes:

[Mark1npt]

RP and Mono you are soooo funnnyyyy!......but I understand completely. I am tormented by my two ladies during similar activities. It is a very desirable torment though. I wouldn't have it any other way! RP, I wish my ladies would offer up some comment/support for you, but so far they have been passive observers only. They are not bloggers, only offering the outside world an occasional email. I will pass along your interest.

[redpepper]

Yes, I wouldn't have it any other way either :)

I'm sure your ladies pass on to you anything they might have to say. At least my husband does. It works.

[dazednconfused09]

As I am new to polyamory, I find comfort in your story mono, you have made me feel like there is light at the end of my tunnel.

[MonoVCPHG]

As I am new to polyamory, I find comfort in your story mono, you have made me feel like there is light at the end of my tunnel.

I'm glad you do. Will you be sharing your story with us? Perhaps in the Introduction thread or New to Poly thread?

Take care :D

[MonoVCPHG]

This weekend, Redpepper, her husband and I went to a potluck/party hosted by one of her co-workers. This was very important to me as I often visit Redpepper at work and I know they are always wondering if things are really "ok" with her husband and me.


Anyone who sees us clearly knows we both love her and are, ourselves, very close. We don't just accept each other, we care for each other. I love them both and have a need for people to see that I am not hurting him. We have been bonding more and more and are settling into just being together and not feeling like it is a host/guest dynamic when we are at their house.

Her husband made breakfast this morning after I spent the night, and as he and Redpepper ate theirs, I idly chatted while tidying up the kitchen. Every one was normal, natural, and completely at ease.

People who know us are finally starting to see and accept that we are more a family unit than a couple and their welcomed addition.

Through having people witness our relationship in everyday situations, I feel all of us moving forward and gaining confidence through our own internal normalization. I think each of us pause sometimes and realizes that this truly is real. We actually have to remind ourselves sometimes that this is not the societal norm because to us it simply is. When you reach that point it is hard to figure out what the big deal is for other people and we end up looking back with more puzzlement than those looking at us.

Thanks again Lilo…never forget how special you are and how you are the foundation of this incredible thing we are building. Our shared love is what holds us together but it is your bravery in taking a chance with this mono cracker that has given me a gift I can never repay regardless of what our future holds. You can bet I will try though…that is in my nature as much as loving you with everything I have is. I love you :D

[redpepper]

you are the foundation of this incredible thing we are building.

Ha! it is my foundation, but really more and more we are becoming a team and building a beautiful house!

I had a dream this week about a house I often dream of. It is very old and huge, with many wings and rooms, passage ways and courtyards. I am fearful sometimes in my dream, but also have been happy and just content to exist in it.

This particular dream was different in that parts of the house were getting too old and the wood was rotting. I was worried and didn't know what to do to hold it together, no amount of work would fix it up again. My husband, son and Mono were all with me and there were others mingling in the background as I showed them what was going on. Mono found a door suddenly and said, "hey! look at this!" He opened it and let me through, I stepped into a brand new house with all three of them following. We immediately looked around, my boy running from room to room playing. Within seconds we were all settled and had left the old house behind.

I am indeed the foundation my love, but you have introduced us all to something totally new with your continued and endless love strength. You are helping us build a new house, together as a team! One that was meant for all of us. That is all so right love.

I love you more:)

[MonoVCPHG]

I love you more:)

:mad: consider your ass smacked for sneaking that one in :D

[redpepper]

:mad: consider your ass smacked for sneaking that one in :D

grrrr...... not before I smack yours first saucy man!:mad::D

[vandalin]

This particular dream was different in that parts of the house were getting too old and the wood was rotting. I was worried and didn't know what to do to hold it together, no amount of work would fix it up again. My husband, son and Mono were all with me and there were others mingling in the background as I showed them what was going on. Mono found a door suddenly and said, "hey! look at this!" He opened it and let me through, I stepped into a brand new house with all three of them following. We immediately looked around, my boy running from room to room playing. Within seconds we were all settled and had left the old house behind.

This is one awesome dream. And thanks for keeping us updated (although I'm sure this is for yourself as well)

You guys (the three of you, and maybe even your son RP) really should "journal" your journey for publication. It would be an inspiring story with all of it's ups and downs. I'd even be happy to offer my editing and proofing services! :D

Anyway, thanks again for giving us inspiration and hope. *edit* and silliness!

[River]

... and we end up looking back with more puzzlement than those looking at us.

That's a great line! It is puzzling indeed that people are so puzzled by us!

(Then again, it isn't. The social conditioning for monogamy is very intensive!)

And yet, how strange that they think we're SO strange!:confused:

[MonoVCPHG]

Next month I am moving closer to Redpepper's home...but not too close LOL!

Today, I took the day off work so thier son and me could have a day together as he has been asking for more time with me.

Tonight, Redpepper and her husband sat down with her parents to talk about me and about being polyamorous.

Now I sit and wait.

[vandalin]

My fingers are crossed for you all!

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks V,

No word yet. We'll keep you posted. This is kind of the last big hurdle..my family has known for months but live very far away.

[redpepper]

exhausted, emotional and decompressing.

More to come I'm sure, but for now I need some time to think and get my footing again.

[MonoVCPHG]

We might have to start a new thread dealing with Redpepper's parents newfound awareness and our journey towards acceptance. A note of point though; I am extremely proud of her strenght and humbled by the commitment to act in her husband when it was deemed time for her parents to know. It was like watching a switch being turned on. They both have faith in thier convictions and faith in me. I think they picked the right person to stand beside them on this journey.....that's me by the way :)

[Mark1npt]

Thanks for the update Mono.....hope it's not too traumatic for RP's parents....my wife has recently come out about our 3 to a few of my employees.....they are quite taken aback by it, moreso than I had imagined they would be......I'm a bit disappointed in them for that, they've known us for 15 years. They look to my wife and I as family, so I guess that would be how some family members might respond. Hopefully, not yours.....I am not sure how soon it might be before she'll inform our sons.....I know she has plans to tell a few friends next week while she's away on a fishing trip with them. I won't be there as I won't get into small planes....just a chicken, I guess......continued good luck and happiness to you all.

[MonoVCPHG]

Odd that I would be sharing success and happiness during such a troubling time for my chosen family. This is bringing us even closer together, bonding us and re-enforcing that we are all the right people to face this challenge to traditional thinking and expected relationship dynamics.

I love Redpepper more than ever, am completely committed to the well being of her, her husband and son. I will do what I can to help her parents understand as well. I truly believe they simply have to remember the time we have all shared during the last nine months. They know we are all happy and cared for; they simply have to open their hearts to what their eyes have already seen. :D

[redpepper]

Thanks for the update Mono.....hope it's not too traumatic for RP's parents....my wife has recently come out about our 3 to a few of my employees.....they are quite taken aback by it, moreso than I had imagined they would be......I'm a bit disappointed in them for that, they've known us for 15 years. They look to my wife and I as family, so I guess that would be how some family members might respond. Hopefully, not yours.....I am not sure how soon it might be before she'll inform our sons.....I know she has plans to tell a few friends next week while she's away on a fishing trip with them. I won't be there as I won't get into small planes....just a chicken, I guess......continued good luck and happiness to you all.

Hey Mark, long time no hear from you it seems... hope all is well...

Just wanted to write a quick note (hope Mono doesn't mind) to say that, my co-workers have known all along about Mono. They have seen him show up at my work, and hear stories, take his phone calls... but they have always been a bit skeptical as they also hear from my husband too.

Recently however that all changed as my co-worker had a BBQ and we all went. They got to see first hand how much we all get along together, how I take care of the needs of my men, how well they take care of me and how I disperse my time among them both. They also saw that my husband and Mono joke around a lot and are really good and close friends. Their attitude has totally changed and it has become evident in what they say and how they refer to them in my life. Hopefully one day this becomes a reality for the three of you also.

[MonoVCPHG]

I thought I would include this update here because it is positive and hopeful despite all the sadness with coming out lately.

Redpepper's husband talked to his mother about how they live and my involvement with her and his family. She sees us as happy, thier son as happy and all of us loving. She now wants to get together for tea with me as well as with all of us together.

Hopefully her influence and reason will spread to Redpepper's parents :D

[MonoVCPHG]

So this long weekend Redpepper, her husband, her son and I went camping again. We stayed with another poly couple and were visited by another poly couple as well...wow! This community really seems to be coming together, maturing and finding its way.

For me personally I am finding these social environments much more comfortable and simply enjoying the friendships that are forming. As a community we are moving away from feeling developmental and somewhat isolated and simply normalizing I think. I love seeing Redpepper's happiness in this and am finding my own now that me and her immediate family have built our foundation strong and healthy.

As a topper to the weekend, we were sitting on the couch having tea at Redpepper's house after unpacking our gear. Her son declared that we are a team. It was interesting because he said it out of the blue. He's a pretty happy boy IMO.

[Mark1npt]

Sorry to be out of touch for so long guys, but my OSO and I have been on a wonderful vacation for the past few weeks while my wife is off doing her thing in Alaska with bears and small planes that I won't get into. Thanks for the kind words RP. It sounds like your co-workers are really warming up to the idea of you and two guys....and Mono, how wonderful about RP's husband's mother and her acceptance. It sounds wonderful. I do hope this spreads over to her mom and dad as well. It just might take some time for the shock to wear off....and the topper is the wonderful comment made by their son! It couldn't be any better for a kid to have wonderful loving adults around setting a great example. Keep it up! You guys are doing something right.....I hope we all continue to nourish and flourish in our poly lives.....:D

[MonoVCPHG]

Not much of an update. Just thought I would mention that Redpepper continues to amaze me more and more and my love for her grows daily :) Her husband and son are incredible and a blessing in my life.

I have learned so much about who I am and how I work from her. With her I have come to understand the raw power of connection and the role sexual intimacy has in my life.....sadly to say this has made me more monogamous than ever LOL! I am forever changed from this journey and made a better man by her influence and intelligence.....She is the most trusted person to ever enter my life and she knows it...what else is there to say other than I am hers for as long as she can stand her Mono Vanilla Cracker ;)

Peace and Love
Mono

[SilverPhoenix]

Gonna join in the thread here and share the fun I had talking with my guy C's new gal last night. We all hopped into an IM chatroom and just talked for a couple hours, and by the end we were all laughing to tears and she was reluctant to go to bed!

C's also told me that they have agreed to take things as they go and progress through a solid friendship first and if things go further than they do. I'm just happy that she seems accepthing of the relationship already established and seems to like me as well. And she's very similar in personality to C so I like her too!

C was so happy and bouncy (literally bouncy ... he's adorable) that we got along great and he's having so much fun, which makes me even happier.

I'm still waiting for the hiccups, which I know will come eventually... especially if they progress to anything serious. Supposedly she's been through a bad marriage and hasn't been in a poly relationship before, so I'm wary but at the moment happy and content, as is C and I hope she is too.

:D

[MonoVCPHG]

This weekend was a busy one for our loving little "v"!! Friday night Redpepper came over, as is almost the norm now, and then we went right into a Saturday consisting of two different parties with two different groups and attended by two different partnerships!!

First, Redpepper and me attended a party for friends of ours close to my home. They know her husband and our chosen family dynamic but are from the traditional mono "less than sex positive" environment I am used to and are friendships that me and her have built. We always have a good time with them and every now and then we get to raise a few eyebrows by mentioning her husband around people who don't know us as well. :eek:

Next we went to her place so she and her husband could go to a party primarily consisting of our poly friends, of which there are quite a few actually. I stayed with their son and spent the night. I love giving to them in this way as bringing them closer is a way for me to strengthen my connection with myself.

They had a great time and in the morning their son and me watched TV and hung out while they slept. He was very happy to have a "date morning" with me LOL!

We are learning how to balance our time better since we have lost a babysitting resource for a while but again this only proves we all want this :)

More good news is that Redpepper's husband's mom is going to baby-sit for us so we can all go to our monthly poly meeting!! She has been great in all this:)

And lastly, one more bit of happy news is Redpepper actually got to talk to my sister on the phone which was very cool! My sister asks about my chosen family's well being now and is concerned for the troubles with Redpepper's family. That is an external step forward that makes me grin from ear to ear!!

Take care, peace and love
Mono

[redpepper]

there are some things you missed my love....

My husbands Mum invited us all for supper next weekend to welcome Mono to our family! Geez, My Mum must be hitting the roof!

My brother has done well so far. He is concerned about my relationship with my husband, but is accepting. He is just confused that this might not be it... He'd like to believe that we added Mono and that will be it forever, not that it is fluid and that change will occur. After all, my husband is dating someone too and that hasn't come up yet...!

[vandalin]

This is great to hear guys. :) Slowly but surely, one day at a time.

[MonoVCPHG]

After all, my husband is dating someone too and that hasn't come up yet...!

Well I will be by both your sides for support :)
Good points Lilo..thanks for adding those...

I love you

[MonoVCPHG]

OK..so there have been some challenges for my chosen family and me but there is usually something good in every hurdle.

Tonight I was babysitting Redpepper's son so they could take care of some stuff. During this time her dad came over to give their son a music lesson. I found him just as friendly as before he knew I was his daughter's boyfriend.

Even more important to me was that I felt no discomfort in being alone with him. Why? My intentions are good. I love Redpepper and her family. I have nothing to hide and honestly want to bring Redpepper and her husband closer. I also want to help them thrive and share in watching their son grow.

Earlier in the day I got an e-mail from Redpepper's husband. He was checking in on my welfare and asked how he could help me get the most out of my relationship with Redpepper. How selfless is that :eek:. He was asking if my own needs were being met and reminding me to be upfront and vocal about what I need. In actually I have so few needs I think they feel I am holding back sometimes LOL!!

He is an amazing man...which doesn't help with the whole idea of why she wants me in her life. I am a very lucky man indeed :)

[redpepper]

You do have very few needs love, but we also like to help when you do... allowing us to do that is a joy to us. You'll need to let go of being so adamantly independent as we just won't put up with you doing things on your own when you could use a helping hand ;)

Our up coming poly meeting tomorrow night is about Poly success. I think this whole thread should be read. We have been very blessed and worked damned hard to create that.

[MonoVCPHG]

I think we can just sit there and people will know :D

We have worked so hard...looking forward to leaving some of that energy behind in my old place even though I will miss it. WOW...we really are all making this work and it feels so natural :)

[Midnight]

it is humbling for me to read about this...
I'm new to all of this - feel scared - feel small hearted - cos I want to keep my husband to myself - not have him be with the other woman he's kinda fallen in love with.... but the loving way you all care for each others feelings is awe inspiring - i'm gonna have to keep opening up to this I think, even though it's scary and it hurts
x

[MonoVCPHG]

it is humbling for me to read about this...
I'm new to all of this - feel scared - feel small hearted - cos I want to keep my husband to myself - not have him be with the other woman he's kinda fallen in love with.... but the loving way you all care for each others feelings is awe inspiring - i'm gonna have to keep opening up to this I think, even though it's scary and it hurts
x

I replied to this on your How do Mono's cope with Poly's? thread.

[MonoVCPHG]

I’m supposed to be packing for a move closer to Redpepper but I wanted to pass on our evening’s activities. :D

Redpepper’s husbands’ mother and step dad invited us all over for supper tonight. They did this as a pseudo “welcome to the family” event. We all had an excellent time! His parents never batted an eye in seeing all of us together after being told about our poly relationship. They interacted with me as family and the atmosphere was so friendly and natural that I am a little blown away.

I felt totally at ease because I know my own heart and intentions and my love for thier family shows. Redpepper looked radiant and happy, her son was playing with all of us and her husband seemed laid back and enjoyed himself. We have made plans for thanks giving and his mother invited me to come along for supper again at their place. I am floored at how inviting they are and am sure Redpepper will sleep better tonight :D

Peace and Love
Mono

[vandalin]

As I keep saying...this is so awesome guys. :) Makes my heart smile for you all!

[MonoVCPHG]

Hi everyone. I just got back from a beer and nachos with Redpepper's husband. We were checking out a pub in my new neighborhood. It's been a rough week for me in a few ways and it was good to sit down and relax with him. We are true friends tied together by the love of one amazing woman.

We talked about many things from how we do poly, peoples opinions of what we are building both poly and monogamistic, mushrooms, cable tv and the Hell's Angels.

I am grounded again and feel more positive than ever. Connecting with her husband is very important to my healthy role in our relationship. It is easy because I respect and genuinely care for his well being. I can't stress how important mutual respect is in our dynamic.

I am enjoying building a space with Redpepper to grow in and fill with our energy. She said this was very connecting for her (I think that was her term). Like she is no longer a guest but a part of my home...she always was a part of it but now she feels it.

I'm blessed :)

Just wanted everyone to know that we are all good within our love.
Take care
Mono.

[Midnight]

sounds really lovely ..... is there any prospect of bringing your own family (well - maybe not your ex, but your child (boy/girl? I've forgotten)) into this lovely alternative family? I imagine that would just complete the circle for you.....:)

[MonoVCPHG]

sounds really lovely ..... is there any prospect of bringing your own family (well - maybe not your ex, but your child (boy/girl? I've forgotten)) into this lovely alternative family? I imagine that would just complete the circle for you.....:)


My ex is a wonderful woman and my daughter is amazingly talented and individual. They both are thriving and seem quite happy where they are now in life. I would like to share more of my life with them but that is not the case currently....who knows what the future brings though....This is a success and happiness thread after all!!!!:)

[Midnight]

My ex is a wonderful woman and my daughter is amazingly talented and individual. They both are thriving and seam quite happy where they are now in life. I would like to share more of my life with them but that is not the case currently....who knows what the future brings though....This is a success and happiness thread after all!!!!:)

I'm now wondering why I even asked - was I trying to pick holes in your happy life - just cos I'm struggling and want eveyone else to be struggling too?? xx

[MonoVCPHG]

No worries Midnight...us Monos are a funny bunch and you are in a different situation than me. I feel for you. Take care and keep your face to the sun where the warmth is :)

[LovingRadiance]

You guys are inspiring. I hope you keep posting, becuase days like today-I really need a happy inspiring real story. Some days are tough.
Nothing major in our lives going WRONG-just feels like nothing is going right either but you give me hope.

[Midnight]

No worries Midnight...us Monos are a funny bunch and you are in a different situation than me. I feel for you. Take care and keep your face to the sun where the warmth is :)

You are very kind....

You know what - people tell me I hide my light.... I should maybe let you know that life is not always as bad as I paint it... (though sometimes it feels that way)

My husband of nearly 30 years is totally in love with me. He is kinda in love with this other woman, but she's definitely secondary. He does seem to love me better since he fell for her ( a couple of years ago). We probably will meet as a threesome to discover whether there's any prospect of making something work between us 3, but my husband is now saying that if she's not up for it (respecting the primacy of his marriage and our family) then it will have to end....

I am beginning to learn something about my jealousy also. I don't doubt he loves me. I seem to be envious of something he has, that i don't. This seems to go back to me being a twin. I was always kinda jealous of her - thought she was prettier than me (we were identical twins!!) I was the clingy one - she the one who was lookin out more....

So - if i could possibly overcome my possessiveness and turn outwards myself - who knows what might be out there waiting for me....

love to you all
xx

[MonoVCPHG]

Not a big post....I'm just happy and in Love, rejuvenated, connected and ready to build an even better life with my Lilo and chosen family :)

[redpepper]

My mum invited Mono to my brother's girlfriends birthday lunch party! Okay, she is probably doing it begrudgingly, and grumbling under breath, and will ignore him and be super fake.... but I am happy that at least she is backing down and including us. :D

[aussielover]

OH YAY! I hope it's not too aqward and she behaves herself. Maybe the therapist got her thinking a little. I hope she's really turning around.

[vandalin]

I wish you guys luck. I'm sure your mum would not want to ruin a perfectly good party and probably would not have invited Mono if there were too many people against the relationship and would have a problem with him being there. :)

[MonoVCPHG]

My mum invited Mono to my brother's girlfriends birthday lunch party! :D

I think your mum has a secret crush on me..better let her know I'm mono ;)

[redpepper]

My mum dropped my boy off at the door tonight after taking him out. The first I've seen of her. She looked sheepish, and uncertain. I was compelled to hug her, so I did. I told her I was glad to see her and smiled. She hugged me back and let out a long sigh. I'm not sure what it meant but I think it was good :) The ice is breaking on her anti poly heart perhaps?

Mono stopped by on the way home from a long ride and visit with his friends. He stopped for a mear 2 minutes. Long enough for me to wrap my arms around him, tell him I love him and give him a kiss straight from my heart to his. I can't bear not to see him once a day. Those two minutes were all I needed to connect and feel him on my skin as I smoothed his face. All I needed to feel whole for another day.

I love him so dearly. No one can take that away from me and I won't change it for anything in the world. He is my home and my family.

[MonoVCPHG]

I can't bear not to see him once a day. Those two minutes were all I needed to connect and feel him on my skin as I smoothed his face.

I love him so dearly. No one can take that away from me and I won't change is for anything in the world. He is my home and my family.

Speechless...you really do love me like that...I'm honored and blessed. Thanks Lilo.

[redpepper]

Only sharing my sucess and happiness baby :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Only sharing my sucess and happiness baby :)

So much more to come :)

[XYZ123]

Sounds like mom is breaking down, slowly. Just trust that she loves you and your family more than she dislikes the idea of you being poly. And it sounds like you're able to disconnect from the pain and anger and still love her and treat her as your mom. Very inspiring. Keep it up. You're an amazing woman and if anyone can make this work out, it's you.

[LovingRadiance]

I'm glad she's letting up already RP. That's wonderful. :)

[maca]

Well I had posted somewhere(cant remember).That I had planned to go out with LR's other love this week and have a talk about the relationship between the two of us.We talked for a few hours, had a drink and then came home. I felt better getting my feelings and thoughts out in the open with him.Im still fighting some insecurites and fears but I not reacting to my issues anymore. LR and I have gotten much better at talking things through.I think in time C and I will become very close.


The 3 of us are planning to go out tonite and have some fun.Sis inlaw is watching the kids:)

[MonoVCPHG]

Last night I made an awesome discovery!! A lot of stuff has been piling up lately and, as per the norm, Redpepper and me did lots of self-analysis and checked in seriously with each other. We gave each other the freedom and choice to take different paths and change the nature of our loves expression. We have done this several times and once again we chose to love each other the way we are meant to.

My connection and energy were both withdrawn though and we both knew it...physically I can't hide it...nothing "happens" shall we say :eek: I'm completely non-sexual when not intimately connected to someone. (I would make the worst porn star!)

Because I hate being withdrawn and I know it hurts her as well I tried something different. I showed her where I feel my energy and connection resides inside me and asked her to help me let it out. I placed her hand there and as she spoke to me about what she felt and how much this means to her we were able to open it up, free my connection and let her into me.

She knows when I am not accepting her love and when I am not connected and withdrawn. Now I feel as though we have a way of consciously working together when that happens...that for me is another success!!

[MonoVCPHG]

I showed her where I feel my energy and connection resides inside me and asked her to help me let it out. I placed her hand there and as she spoke to me about what she felt and how much this means to her we were able to open it up, free my connection and let her into me.




And no..this was not my crotch....you polies and your dirty minds :rolleyes:

[HappiestManAlive]

My connection and energy were both withdrawn though and we both knew it...physically I can't hide it...nothing "happens" shall we say I'm completely non-sexual when not intimately connected to someone. (I would make the worst porn star!)

Interesting to hear someone else put it so bluntly. I have the exact same "problem" - but it's selective. Very strange. I seldom have a problem with it for a striaght-up one night stand or strictly sexual encounter - but when I have a new interest that is developing, sex can be... Challenging, lol. I can be aroused as all hell and - nothing happening. Or will start out great, and "he" loses interest 1/2 way through independently of the rest of me! Grr. Happy to perform other ways so it's rarely a problem, but it drives me crazy! Likewise, when i'm with my love, if there are problems or I don't feel that she's "into it", I can't perform - but when all is well, well - no problems, lol. This only developed after my marriage crashed and burned about 5 years ago. Weird.

Anyway - glad to hear you two have found yet another way to connect. Better and better... :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Very strange. I seldom have a problem with it for a striaght-up one night stand or strictly sexual encounter

I'm not that surprised..I think most guys are quite capable of that. I certainly thought I would be...turns out nope! When I think back to even my early teens I was like this...I just didn't realize what was happening.

It took me 37 years, a 17 year marraige, an affair, a melt down of biblical proportions, counselling, a polyamorous relationship and tonnes of self analysis to figure out a simple concept.....no connection = nothing to "connect" with :eek:

[MonoVCPHG]

Yesterday Redpepper met the closest thing to family besides my ex wife and daughter that are actively in my life. They are dear lifelong friends of my ex wife and me. This posed an interesting situation of not wanting to put anyone in an uncomfortable position or feeling they were hurting/betraying friendships of anyone. This was also important because it was the introduction of two worlds for me, two I want and consider chosen family.

I don't let many people into my life and women even less. Those I do let in have a tendency to be strong and have presence. My friend "T" I will call her, is no exception. Seeing her and Redpepper face to face was a bit nerve wracking. T is also a Lioness and doesn't hold back in her bluntness. She is fiercely protective of her family and those she cares about, including my ex wife, daughter and me. She knows Redpepper is not the reason I screwed up my marriage though, and made it her business to learn everything she could about polyamory and trying not to judge.

This was a good meeting for sure. "T" told me I looked terrified. She hugged me on the way out of their home and told me I had no reason to be nervous.

I'm glad Redpepper and her husband finally got to meet them and their kids. Another step forward in a future I definitely want to share with all of them!

[Mark1npt]

That's super, Mono. She sounds like a wonderful friend. You are lucky to still have her in your life.

[LovingRadiance]

That's awesome Mono! I'm happy for you!!

[MonoVCPHG]

Great news!! As some of you may have heard, Redpepper's Mom basically had a medical appointment made for Redpepper's son out of concern for his welfare. She wondered if I was abusing him and if our relationship dynamic was causing physiological issues. Well, the Doc not only said he is perfectly fine, but also sort of congratulated all three of us in how we are handling our relationship in a healthy way! He was apparently pretty open minded. Redpepper's husband called me right after the appointment to give me the good news..I'm sure Redpepper will have more to say on this issue...Woohooo!!

Take care
Mono :)

[vandalin]

Woohoo! Congrats on that win. I hope it continues to get better and that maybe her mom will now see that things are fine. :)

[HappiestManAlive]

Awesome.

My family has issues surrounding my situation and my son - and they don't even know about Anne yet, lol. :rolleyes:

More and more good news for you guys - may the trend continue unending! :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks V and HMA! I'm feeling very positive, more than I have in a while. This is so possible for anyone who digs in, puts there shoulder to the wind and just pushes forward:)

Love and peace
Mono

[LovingRadiance]

AWESOME! That is awesome! I'm so happy for all of you. :)

[aussielover]

YAY!! that's so great!! Hopefully Mom will get the hint now and realize it's not hurting anyone

[JonnyAce]

i'm so happy things went well at the Dr. while i'm not dealing w/this problem i have a huge smile on my face, just reading this :D. your family is really amazingly uplifting, in the way you just live your life, and to hell w/all who don't "get it"

[Fidelia]

Hooray! :D Mono, that is good news indeed! I hope it will encourage Red's mom to see the problem doesn't lie with you, or y'all, but with her.

Score one for the white hats! :D

[Ceoli]

I was once called into a team meeting about a child at a school I was teaching at. Basically all of us teachers were grilled about trying to spot any abnormal behavior in him (he was a second grader- about 7 years old). The child has divorced parents with the mother having primary custody and both of them were present in the meeting. The tension was palpable.

I found it surprising because this was one of the "cool kids". He was not only really well adjusted, but had a fantastic laid back attitude that made lots of different kinds of kids want to hang out with him. Which was interesting because he was also clearly one of those "off the beaten path" type kids. He was not a social power broker or mean in any sense, but just one of those awesome kids that didn't feel the need to follow the mainstream.

In the meeting, we all agreed that he was very well adjusted and had no emerging issues that we could see. In fact some of us mentioned (myself included) that he was remarkably mature and centered for a seven year old. The father was angry about this. I found out some weeks later that the meeting was about a custody dispute. The father was trying to retain full custody of the boy because the mother was poly and her OSO had just moved in with her and her new fiance (I found out later that there were a couple of other loves branched off from this V as well). He was trying to gather some evidence that this was damaging to his son and had been trash picking for issues at school for weeks, which is why the guidance counselor finally called a meeting about it (I think she was getting tired with his constant badgering of her). This was a topic of teacher break room conversation for a bit and I was surprised to see that even the more traditional frosted hair teachers that I had little in common with were saying things like "Look..it's not our business what happens at home as long as the kid is well adjusted".

Some time after that, I started giving her son piano lessons at their house and it was really awesome to see their house as a wonderful positive place of affection and openness. It's no wonder this kid was so cool.

I guess my point is that most professionals who work with kids are going to look at it from the kid's welfare point of view. And when you work hard to build a loving trusting home full of open communication and affection, it can't help but have a hugely positive effect on the child. That just can't be denied.

[MonoVCPHG]

Now that the whole "abuse" issue has been put to rest, Redpepper and I are refocusing on us being healthy and happy in our love. I met her today during my lunch and had a wonderful talk. We are so tired of the ripple affect that this has had that we consciously agreed we to stop questioning the answers we already know. We reaffirmed that we are happy, fulfilled, and true to ourselves. Our love is never in question.

I felt a weight lifting and could see it in her eyes as well. Working on relationships is great...labouring all day and night is not.

It feels good to be back!

[LovingRadiance]

slight hijack-

ceoli-that is awesome!

I'm lucky to have never dealt with that issue before with my kids-hope I never do. My parents know I am poly-have wondered for years when it was going to just BE the reality of my marriage or if my marriage would dissolve first and see no issue with it in regards to the kids. But most people I know-well they don't feel the same.

Mono-congrats again.
Maca's ex made some serious accusations against me after we married-and it sucked. I love Maca, I love his son. I hated having my name defiled with her accusations (in court no less). I'm glad you have gotten the air cleared so to speak. That always feels good.

[MonoVCPHG]

And when you work hard to build a loving trusting home full of open communication and affection, it can't help but have a hugely positive effect on the child. That just can't be denied.

This is a great comment Ceoli! Thanks for sharing this story...it's good to hear positive affirmations based on real experiences.
Take care

[MonoVCPHG]

WOW, what a weekend! Redpepper's husband was away enjoying a weekend of pursuing a hobby of his and I ended up spending almost all of the weekend with her and their son. We filled the weekend with lots of activities and had several great discussions.

There was a part of me that felt somewhat opportunist in that I got so much time with them in her husband's absence. I then thought about how I feel when she is with him. I feel like she is safe, taken care of, helped, and not alone. I think that my presence with her makes him feel the same way and in affect may dampen any concerns about being away for the weekend doing something he enjoys so much. This makes me feel like a positive in both their lives and is one of the advantages of poly relationships for sure. Her son seems to have enjoyed our time together and I am always eager to spend time with her and him.

One of our discussions involved how we display commitment which brought to light surprisingly new insights into why we act certain ways within our relationship and towards our friends. We understand each other more in this area and Redpepper started a thread prompted by this discussion and an earlier talk with her husband. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=976

To top off the weekend, after going home I went for a ride in the early evening and decided to swing by a favourite spot of Redpepper's to leave her a note. It is on the ocean and when I went to the place where I usually write her notes, I looked on the rocks below me and there she was looking up at me. :) She was out for her evening run and just happened to be there in that moment. Could there be any more signs of how destined this is for us?

Peace and Love
A very happy Mono

[ImaginaryIllusion]

To top off the weekend, after going home I went for a ride in the early evening and decided to swing by a favourite spot of Redpepper's to leave her a note. It is on the ocean and when I went to the place where I usually write her notes, I looked on the rocks below me and there she was looking up at me. :) She was out for her evening run and just happened to be there in that moment. Could there be any more signs of how destined this is for us?


That is too cool!

[MonoVCPHG]

So here I am babysitting whIle Redpepper and her husband attend a parenting course. I had a great birthday with my chosen family! Redpepper and me took the day off from work which meant we could spend a relaxing morning together which is always a very special treat! She took me out for brunch by the ocean and then we all got together for a b-day supper which they treated me to.
They really have invested a lot of love and caring into this vanilla cracker. I only hope I give back half of what they give me :) I love them all and am trying to be the best chosen family and secondary Redpepper could have....I had to throw in the "secondary" comment :rolleyes:

Peace and love
Mono

[redpepper]

I had to throw in the "secondary" comment :rolleyes:

grrrrr:mad:

[bgfgirl]

Wow...this all sounds so wonderul! I hope that I can create that kind of love and fullness in my life. :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Redpepper is a person who celebrates birthdays, housewarmings and family stuff. I am not normally that big on all of that. She also embraces every opportunity to share time with friends...as most of you know I am more withdrawn in that area. However, last night Redpepper and her husband were free for the night and wanted to do something with me to celebrate my birthday.

I decided it would be nice to get all of us together and invite some friends from both our worlds to enjoy a Halloween festival and dancing.

By both our worlds I mean a friendship with a traditional monogamous couple Redpepper and I have developed in my neighbourhood and our other friends from the poly world. This was a time for meeting and bridging a few gaps.

So we all met up and had a great time at the festival and enjoyed some screams and laughs. We then headed to town to the local gay/queer bar that is relaxed and a fun place to dance. We first went for a little pizza where a middle-aged guy was severely drunk and a confrontation was brewing between him and some young guys. Redpepper rushed in to the rescue, pulled the drunken guy away and then we spent five minutes looking for a bench that he could sleep on. This is in her nature. Taking care of people for no other reason than they are people.

We then hit the dance floor and had a great time. Our monogamous friends have met her husband before but this was the first time that they had met her other lover (aka, the Fancy LOL!) They had never been in a gay bar either, especially a kink night! They really enjoyed themselves. We all had a great time dancing and when the night was over me and her spent the night/day at my place.

It had been too long since all the people in her life had come together to bond and simply have fun. I love these moments as they help grow the relationships between her lovers and friends.

We really do have it good, regardless of everything that needs to be done for us to be healthy. We love being together and I am thankful for every second I have with her :D

[LovingRadiance]

God that is so me. I so long for the day we can just hang out comfortably with everyone!
I think RP and I must have much in common-because when you talk about her-it almost sounds like you are talking about me!

She logged off-if you are in contact with her currently-let her know I sent her hugs and kisses in PM. No tears needed-she's a great lady and a wonderful addition to the board!

[MonoVCPHG]

[QUOTE=LovingRadiance;9952]

She logged off-if you are in contact with her currently-let her know I sent her hugs and kisses in PM. QUOTE]

Passed on LR..Thanks!

[LovingRadiance]

thx! I knew I could count on you! ;)

[ImaginaryIllusion]

We then hit the dance floor and had a great time. Our monogamous friends have met her husband before but this was the first time that they had met her other lover (aka, the Fancy LOL!) They had never been in a gay bar either, especially a kink night! They really enjoyed themselves. We all had a great time dancing and when the night was over me and her spent the night/day at my place.


Sorry wasn't able to make it...but I hear from those that were it was a good time.

Cheers.

[MonoVCPHG]

Sorry wasn't able to make it...but I hear from those that were it was a good time.

Cheers.

Next time!

[lola]

Thank you for sharing that. It's nice to hear those precious moments when it all falls into place.

[redpepper]

I drove home in the dark this morning with Mono on his bike beside me all bound up in his winter riding gear. We drove through the city to his work and my home (which are a block from each other) and I was completely content. I am so in love with him, so in love with my life and so pleased with how it is all turning out. Everyone seems to be happy and content and getting what they need and want out of our relationships. My hands were warmed by the heat pad I was using, the heater hummed to warm the car up and my heart was warmed by the silence of the morning and the meditation of my love for those I hold close to me and protect in it's folds.

[MonoVCPHG]

After work, Redpepper and I got together for a walk and coffee. We talked about the forums and about recent comments about our future expectations. She took me to a house and, as we stood in front of it, she asked if I could see us all living in it. I admit my initial reaction was a non commital shrug and a simple "it looks too close". The thing was, she was asking me if I could imagine us living in that house as we are now but I was looking into the future and injecting "what if's". I essentially set myself up in a place of uncomfortablility before answering. Once she re-framed and clarified the question the answer was simple and a definitive yes.

I want her in my life forever, she wants me in her life forever..that much is clear, regardless if my vision of the future is not as clear as hers we both want the same thing...and so our journey continues :)

[lola]

"but I was looking into the future and injecting "what if's". I essentially set myself up in a place of uncomfortablility before answering"

I'm the poly one in my relationship, and I do this far more than my Mono husband. He and my dom ask me about the future sometimes and I always seem to qualify it with "that depends on..."

I like the idea of just "going with the flow". Wonder how many people do this without realizing it. Thanks for sharing your thought process...it does help some of us to see our own mental quirks. :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks for sharing your thought process...it does help some of us to see our own mental quirks. :)

Glad to help :)

[maca]

Mono have you ever taken the "Please understand me test"?Im curious to know what you are. Ill get LR to find the book and Ill give you some more direct info. Im a ISTJ. and Im very prone to the "what if's" somthing that I AM but that I dont have to let control my life.Glad to see you processed through it.:)

[MonoVCPHG]

Mono have you ever taken the "Please understand me test"?Im curious to know what you are. Ill get LR to find the book and Ill give you some more direct info. Im a ISTJ. and Im very prone to the "what if's" somthing that I AM but that I dont have to let control my life.Glad to see you processed through it.:)

I'm an ISTJ as well! This is uncanny my friend.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=689&highlight=myers&page=2

[LovingRadiance]

Funny.
I'm an ESFJ. Makes for some awkward conversations at times!:p

[redpepper]

Funny.
I'm an ESFJ. Makes for some awkward conversations at times!:p

I was expecting you to be as I am.... ENFP.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=689&highlight=myers+briggs&page=4

(sorry I don't know how to do that fancy link thing that ygirl said how to do.... I never have time to figure stuff out! grrr....)

[redpepper]

oh! it worked! surprise!!!! :rolleyes:

[LovingRadiance]

YAY!!!! Good job! I didn't know it was online!
My sister is an INFJ which makes us a heck of a good combination. She keeps saying it's too damn bad we didn't know that when we were younger, we simply would have gotten married!
Hahahaha.

Even Maca had to raise his eyebrows because my profile is the perfect "stereotypical dad" and hers is the "stereotypical mom". :D

[maca]

Knowing who I am and why Im that way sure has helped me. Also knowing who LR is and why has made it much easier to see things from her point of view. That was the first step( doing that test) I took in learning more about myself.

[Mark1npt]

RP....thanks for the link....I was wondering for many years what I was.....found out that for most of my life I've been an ESTJ and mostly still am, but as my journey changes course I think I sense some changes coming in my assigned category! Wonder if they've conceived of a truly accurate category to fit ME! Ha!:D

[Fidelia]

I just took the test on FB. I'm an ENFJ.

[MonoVCPHG]

I was grocery shopping yesterday and Redpepper's Dad came up and said hi. I extended my hand, as I have always done to him, and we shook for the first time since we came out to them. He mentioned the fact it had been a while since we shook hands. We chatted pleasantly and then returned to our shopping. It felt good that he aproached me as opposed to avoiding talking. I felt no discomfort at all...I am more confident and assured than ever....this is right for us. :)

[Mark1npt]

That's great that the family is starting to come around, Mono. I hope it continues to improve for you all.

[maca]

Thats great Mono!

I came out to my Father today. I expected that he wouldnt give me flack about it but I didnt expect himto tell that whatever it takes to make me happy was good by him. Then to make things even cooler he told me him and his wife are swingers ( on occasion).:eek:

I feel so much more at ease with myself. I couldnt have faced that fear if it wasnt for this board and especially for you and RP.

Thanks everyone

Peace and Love

[LovingRadiance]

I was grocery shopping yesterday and Redpepper's Dad came up and said hi. I extended my hand, as I have always done to him, and we shook for the first time since we came out to them. He mentioned the fact it had been a while since we shook hands. We chatted pleasantly and then returned to our shopping. It felt good that he aproached me as opposed to avoiding talking. I felt no discomfort at all...I am more confident and assured than ever....this is right for us. :)

EXCELLENT!!! I feel like giving group hugs today!!!!

[MonoVCPHG]

Very cool about your dad, Maca! Alright..I'm virtual hugging...but that's it!:rolleyes:

[LovingRadiance]

Very cool about your dad, Maca! Alright..I'm virtual hugging...but that's it!:rolleyes:

:eek:

Is that cheating RP???

Giggle Giggle Giggle Giggle Giggle!!!!

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Very cool about your dad, Maca! Alright..I'm virtual hugging...but that's it!:rolleyes:


:eek:

Is that cheating RP???

Giggle Giggle Giggle Giggle Giggle!!!!

Not if he only uses one arm. :p

[LovingRadiance]

heheheheheheheeheheh!

[MonoVCPHG]

I thought all you online poly people were used to operating a computer with one hand :p

[maca]

What exactly are you insinuating????HMMMM :D:p

[MonoVCPHG]

Ohhhh nothing....nothing at all :rolleyes:

[redpepper]

okay, back to the real reason for this very long thread... if you don't mind Mono???!!! hhmmmm:)

Tonight I got a call from my mum inviting me out for tea. This is a big deal for me! If you followed this thread,
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=721&highlight=redpepper
you will know why.

I have been having tea with my Dad and he often has said that I should ask her. I have told him that I won't as I think she should ask me when she is ready and has gone through a bit more therapy.

I dropped my boy off for them to take him on a trip to "their" property, which used to be ours until we came out and they asked us to sign it over as it was my mum's inheritance that bought it. When I dropped him off I couldn't help get choked up as I said good-bye. I told her I was very pleased that they saw it in their hearts to not cut him off from the place as we thought they would do. Also I was sad because I am still grieving that we may never go there again.

My mum told me that of course we would go there again and that she in know way wanted to keep us from it. She just wants to have her own input with her mum's money and that she would leave half to me and half to my brother in her will... in the meantime we will be able to go there.

She also mentioned that her and my Dad have a lot to work out and that she is spending her time in therapy working on that as it will help her be happy. Her issues are more to do with her own unhappiness in life than with my life as poly.

She said that she only wants me to be happy, healthy and beautiful, which I am and that she does everything for me and my brother. I told her that that is all very well, but if I am not doing what she thinks is right then she gets disappointed and I feel guilty for not living up to her standard. She tried to tell me that this is my problem, but I still need to further explain that it isn't actually....

Baby steps in the right direction... I have a lot of boundaries to set with her and a lot of negotiating our relationship if it is to be healthy for me in the future. Wish me luck tomorrow night!

[aussielover]

I'm glad your mum's starting to come around a bit.
Good luck sweetie. I really hope it goes well.

[MonoVCPHG]

What can I say about success and happiness tonight? I feel at the absolutely best place I have been in my relationship since meeting Redpepper. We were striving to get back to our pre-telling her parents happiness and comfort. We did that and better.

By being so stripped again we built our love and commitment back up better than before. I am completely at ease in so many ways. We love being together and her husband and I love taking care of our firey Redpepper...on many levels ;)

[Mark1npt]

That's fantastic RP/Mono......so glad to hear some positive changes in the family. Nothing hurts worse than the feeling you're being cut off from something/someplace that means so much to you in your lives.

[GuitarCrazyo]

The exterior doesnt do it justice. The interior is even more impressive - especially for an Auckland house of worship.

Does anyone have a picture of the Baptist Tabernacle at the top of Queen Street? Thats another impressive one

[MonoVCPHG]

the exterior doesnt do it justice. The interior is even more impressive - especially for an auckland house of worship.

Does anyone have a picture of the baptist tabernacle at the top of queen street? Thats another impressive one

wtf??

[LovingRadiance]

RP-that's awesome!

[MonoVCPHG]

Yesterday, Redepper had a nice tea with her mom....Why is this important? Because things are normalizing.

We have weathered an immense storm externally and internally over the past two months. We are now better than ever. Remove the word poly, remove the constant poly specific struggles, remove the issue of family acceptance.
We are simply us...all of us. We are just people in a relationship, members of a family, friends and lovers.

Last night Redpepper came over and I was almost concerned because there was nothing to work on. There was no dramatic issue to figure out, no question of how to make this work or even if we want it to work.

I don't have a TV or desire to spend time with her watching TV. I want to spend our time connected and actively sharing. Last night we read to each other from a book. She sat back on my couch and I sat between her legs with my back against her chest. We took turns reading and sharing a story we both have enjoyed before.

Of course there will be things in the future to work on but we are finally getting to just experience each other on a normalized, secure and peaceful plain. We get to try other things together now that all our work prevented us from doing. We get to discover and build up the fun things, the things we will do well into the future.

[lola]

Of course there will be things in the future to work on but we are finally getting to just experience each other on a normalized, secure and peaceful plain. We get to try other things together now that all our work prevented us from doing. We get to discover and build up the fun things, the things we will do well into the future.

How wonderful. I am so happy for all of you.

[Fidelia]

Oh, Mono! I am so glad for all y'all! :o

[redsirenn]

Hi Everyone...
I am having a great day today. Been talking with O, and feeling fabulous.
Just thought I would put that out there. :D

yay for happy people! Great to hear your news too Mono :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Redpepper and I had a great weekend. It was a complete visit, dinner, concert, dancing, supper with another poly family and most importantly...communication!!

I fully understand that a lot of people, mono and poly, don't want to deal with pushing the depth of their relationships and I also get that some people see this deepening as "drama". Our relationship, just like the one she has with her husband, is based on deepening our understanding of each other. We thrive on communication and what some people may consider "drama".

In communicating so much we have formed connections so deep they feel timeless and are rewarding in ways that are hard to describe. I am again blown away by what we are building..all of us. This also includes the community of poly friends we have which is growing and becoming normalized as well. This is amazing and I love her more and more every time we have a "dramatic" moment and discover something new about each other. Redpepper has changed me forever in how I view relationships and what my expectations are. Thank god she plans on keeping me around because I would rather be alone than have anything less than what we have become….I think I’m safe though..she seems to have a liking for this Mono Vanilla Cracker :D

[redpepper]

I think I’m safe though..she seems to have a liking for this Mono Vanilla Cracker :D

purrrrrr, I sure do.... you are totally safe.

Our success this week was that if you get frustrated, angry and start lashing out, that I should take it with a grain of salt and wait until you figure out why and can tell me, so that we can work on it.... you learned about me that if you say you want to do something, or don't want to do something I will take that at face value. I can't read minds and rely on you to tell me honestly what you need and want to do.

Turns out that because I did take your communication at face value we had an excellent evening dancing with friends at a club.... if you had said you didn't want to go, which is how you were reeeeaaally feeling, then we wouldn't of had the good time we had... never know how things will turn out.

[MonoVCPHG]

There is not much to say other than we continue to deepen our love. We've got our bearings again and are on track to shape the future. We just spent 24 hours together and always have something to share with each other...even if it is just silent energy. Thanks Gorgeous :)

[MonoVCPHG]

I just got home from a great evening of chatting and a movie with Redpepper's husband. We haven't really got to have any one-on-one talking time so it felt due. We all hung out in the afternoon which is very important and that lead into a girl's night out for Redpepper. Her husband and son and I hung out and then, after the little guy was in bed, me and him sat down to check in. We had a good discussion of where we both were and how our relationships with Redpepper are going. We talked for about two hours and then turned our brains off to watch a movie.
We are similar in many ways and enjoy each others company. Outside of Redpepper he is the person I trust most. I am proud to be considered his friend :)

[redpepper]

Happiness is: being out with friends, texting to Mono and my husband (who are hanging out together at my house) that I am heading home, and getting a text back from each of them that they will see me soon. ahhh, I love that. :)

[lola]

Sounds like heaven. :)

[rosevett]

This is wonderful we experienced a similiar event as I had a Dinner to attend Saturday night. At my suggestion and to my surprise the guys went to the local Turkey Raffle, they had a blast together and even brought home lots of goodies. Redpepper I can totally get the warm feeling of coming home to both partners, I am lucky enough we all live together.

[redpepper]

Yes you are very lucky you all live together. I look forward to that one day. Right now though my happiness is that I go to Mono's place and he treats me like a princess. I don't have to do anything! Its like being on holiday... I love it. I wouldn't get that if we lived together.

[MonoVCPHG]

Right now though my happiness is that I go to Mono's place and he treats me like a princess. I don't have to do anything! Its like being on holiday... I love it. I wouldn't get that if we lived together.

You'ld still be my princess :).....But I do so like being your vacation spot....no one gets bored of a vacation!

[rosevett]

I keep telling everyone I am the most spoiled person I know ;)

[MonoVCPHG]

Last night Redpepper and I got together with friends at a local pub. There were a couple of our “mono” friends and a couple of our “poly” friends as well as another guy from our community. We had a great time and it was nice to see how everyone just blended and we could relax. Our “mono” friends seem to have become normalized with respect to the general idea of different approaches to relationships. There is hope for all of us LOL! One bit at a time we seem to be dispelling the fears and doubt of those around us, which propels us forward in knowing we have achieved something that is good and healthy.

I love Redpepper more than ever and am more committed to her family than she realises…she is soo doomed:D:D

[redpepper]

The fact that my boy trusts Mono to be his family now is success and happiness for me. He confides in him and dearly loves him. Mono does things with him that we, his parents don't do, such as play swords for hours on end. I feel that my boy has been blessed as we all have to have Mono in our lives. I'm so thankful.

Mono is looking after our boy a lot this week and will stay over this weekend too. Poor man, he's barely been home all week. I really appreciate all he does for us and love doing things for him. I love the give and take.

[MonoVCPHG]

Mono is looking after our boy a lot this week and will stay over this weekend too. Poor man, he's barely been home all week. I really appreciate all he does for us and love doing things for him. I love the give and take.

Home is where I am, not my stuff. I'm more at home with you than you will ever know. I love helping you and your family every chance I get. I don't do anything I don't want to, I do it because I love you all and that is what this is about for me...it's about people coming together to love and take care of each other through life in all aspects of life.

Your boy is getting awfully good with that sword BTW!!

Night Gorgeous :D

[MonoVCPHG]

I just got home from a full night of very cool stuff. I hung out with Redpepper after work and then we all had supper after her hubby and son got home. He went to a course and Redpepper headed off to host the monthly poly meeting we attend. Her son and I hung out and did boy stuff with video games light sabers and wrestling. Her husband came home and we hung out for a bit before I headed off to meet Lilo and some of our Friends from the meetings as well as a new couple to the group. They were very friendly and it was nice to see new people joining in to share.
I then stole a few minutes, hugs and kisses with Redpepper before heading home. Very cool. I love hanging with my chosen family even though they think I sometimes do too much..they have no idea :)

Take care everyone
Love and peace
Mono

[MonoVCPHG]

Stepping back from the forums is allowing me to explore a new medium of learning. I had a great talk with Redpepper about everything leading up to my online break which goes back farther than most think. I am no artist but have taken up my version of drawing (lol) and am excited to share graphic visualizations of things I have explained to her. She has a Masters Degree in Art therapy and I look forward to her discussing meanings that perhaps I miss in my own drawings.

This is a period of journaling for me; bringing together what I have learned so far before diving into new depths of myself.
This is a positive time for both of us….we have learned a lot from the forums and will learn more inevitably. We are happy and connected…she makes sure of this by dragging communication out of me sometimes…but I’m pretty willing when I chose to be :rolleyes:

Thanks Lilo. Your ever-listening ear and world of patience has saved me from travelling down dark paths time and time again. I used to get defensive when those around us would question the nature of our love; would look to find flaw in a depth of connection they chose not to believe. I no longer do. I understand that those who question or can’t understand it are not motivated by genuine malice. They simply have no frame of reference to understand it.

You are my Love, I am with my chosen family…ultimately being together as family is all that matters. :D:D

Peace and Love
Mono

[MonoVCPHG]

Woohoo!! Tomorrow it a weekend away with chosen family and great friends! You should have seen the mental power Lilo put into the sleeping arrangements. It's hard not to feel loved by some one who strives for so much balance with her men :D:D

[MonoVCPHG]

Oh yeah! Next month is our 1 year anniversary....holy crap I can't believe she put up with this mono vanilla cracker for so long!

[rosevett]

Awesome! !

[LovingRadiance]

Oh yeah! Next month is our 1 year anniversary....holy crap I can't believe she put up with this mono vanilla cracker for so long!

WOW! Not really-congratulations. Good job and try to enjoy the weekend AND your anniversary!!

[MonoVCPHG]

Well I just got back from a weekend away with my chosen family and another poly family. We have gotten together with them numerous times now and I have learned a lot through interacting with them in social settings. Key things I noticed were:

- My sense of being a "third wheel" is greatly diminished
- I am much more comfortable in showing Redpepper affection in their presence
- I am also much more comfortable in allowing her son to also see affection between us.
- I am a lot less affected in discussing past events in Redpepper's life to share with our friends and reflect on to point out lessons learned


We were gone two nights; one night she slept with me and the other she slept with her Husband. The other couple's kids just seem to see us as family. They accept that Redpepper has two men in her life and we all show love and respect for each other. I feel more like family than ever :)

Also tonight was the first time my other sister asked me specifically how Redpepper was doing via e-mail! Again, this is a great feeling.

We had a great weekend with lots of family fun between two families that have formed a solid and wonderful bond :D

Peace and Love
Mono

[MonoVCPHG]

Happy Birthday Lilo!!!:D:D

........I love you more

[LovingRadiance]

Happy Birthday Lilo!!!:D:D

........I love you more

That was so sweet Mono. We say that all the time, "I love you more." With the kids we say "I love you one" they will say "I love you two" then we'll say "I love you three" and they will say "I love you four" and then we'll end with "but I LOVE YOU MORE!"

Very sweet.

I'm glad your weekend went well. That's awesome!
Wish we could have been there.

Maca and I watched a sweet, sad movie Saturday night. I curled up onthe couch inhis lap. Then last night we watched a drama with GreenGecko and the kids. I curled up in his lap again and he rubbed my neck and shoulder.

Tomorrow we go in for the cortisone shot. Hopefully that will help. It was nice reading your updates last night. :)

[redpepper]

Oh poor LR :( hope that helps.

We do the same with the boy! Only after counting forever... Its followed by "I love you googleplex"... Then "I love you googleplex a million." then "I love you googleplex a million wooly mammoths" one can't get bigger than that because mammoths are REALLY big.

We also "pull a Craig." He is the friend we went to the ski hill with. He says, "I love you twice as much as you could ever say you love me." Not much more to say after that.

[MonoVCPHG]

We had a great day of sharing and loving :D Almost all the family came together tonight. Redpepper and her husband's family joined us for cake after our birthday meal. I find it completely natural to just be with all of them. I had good conversations with Redepepper's family although they have always been polite and engaging.

After they left, all three of us curled up on the couch and watched "wild Hogs". It was a great way to start a future of sharing birthdays with my Life Love. I even had a moment where the idea of living together seemed possible LOL!! I do love them both and their son.

If you haven't found it, let it come to you. If you have found it...love it for all it's worth!!

Peace and Love
Mono

[MonoVCPHG]

I was babysitting Redpepper's son tonight when her dad came by to drop something off for her. It was nice in that he saw his grandson happily distracted with his computer game as I washed up the dishes from supper. It's a good thing to have him see me doing the normal day to day stuff. I think these types of things will cause him to question his own possible disapproval and will get passed to Redpepper's other family.
Regardless, they are my family no matter what happens to us or those around us. We'll be connected forever :)

Peace and love....and even a little normalcy
Mono

[LovingRadiance]

I was babysitting Redpepper's son tonight when her dad came by to drop something off for her. It was nice in that he saw his grandson happily distracted with his computer game as I washed up the dishes from supper. It's a good thing to have him see me doing the normal day to day stuff. I think these types of things will cause him to question his own possible disapproval and will get passed to Redpepper's other family.
Regardless, they are my family no matter what happens to us or those around us. We'll be connected forever :)

Peace and love....and even a little normalcy
Mono

We've had so many of those "odd" but not bad moments over the years. So often people are only "upset" by their lack of comprehension. Sadly they back away because of it-when in truth the key to healing their upset, is to step forward and get involved.
My family never cared one whit about the family "design" in our home. They have a "well that's just what it is" attitude. Maca's family just needed to know HE was happy-and they're fine too. But GG's family is unlikely to ever be involved. They have no contact with him now. Fortunately his other best friend was more mature and able to look past his fears and concerns, speak them respectfully and then face the answers and realities and end up on the note of "well! Thats really interesting!" and he pops in and out periodically with no sense of major discomfort.

I'm glad things are going a bit smoother for you guys Mono!! They are for us as well. :)

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks LR! Glad things are good with you too. This level of integration is totally possible if the right people come together.

Say hi to Maca for me..tell him -5 celcius and still riding...WOOHOO!!

[LovingRadiance]

Thanks LR! Glad things are good with you too. This level of integration is totally possible if the right people come together.

Say hi to Maca for me..tell him -5 celcius and still riding...WOOHOO!!

He's at work-but I will let him know. :)
God I wish we were riding! I miss it.

What does -5 c come to in F? I get SO confused on those. :o

You two together or each of you at work? Just curious.
:)

I'm going to write a longer more personal email to RP later. I've really enjoyed getting to know her on a more personal friendship level. She could be my older sister seriously!

[MonoVCPHG]

What does -5 c come to in F? I get SO confused on those. :o

You two together or each of you at work? Just curious.
:)

!


-5 C = 23 degrees farenhiet

W'ere both at work right now. Meeting for coffee at her place after work. I work right across the street from her house! Her Mom works three minutes from my building too..weird hunh?

[maca]

To cold for my blood brotherman:). Its hovering around 10 F here. But we got lots of snow and ice.Ok have to get back to work, boss will get pissed......ohh wait thats me... nevermind then Im GTG:)

Hug RP for me Mono. I hear she could use one. Chat more later.

Peace and Love
Maca

[MonoVCPHG]

Today was one of those days where I look at Redpepper and everything else fades away. It was a moment of pure connection, of affirmations in our love and connection. I was blown away and left staggering. I am one lucky mono vanilla cracker :)

Peace and love
Mono

[MonoVCPHG]

To cold for my blood brotherman:). Its hovering around 10 F here. But we got lots of snow and ice.Ok have to get back to work, boss will get pissed......ohh wait thats me... nevermind then Im GTG:)

Hug RP for me Mono. I hear she could use one. Chat more later.

Peace and Love
Maca

I did in fact hug Redpepper last night and today..she's ok I think.
My riding is at an end for a while it seems. Freezing cold I can take, wet slippery roads I can't.

Peace and love right back at you and yours Maca

[MonoVCPHG]

We're all heading out for a night of dancing to celebrate Redpepper's birthday!
There will be an interesting mix; her and her husband , her tertiary, her ex wife and recent past girlfriend, me, people from our poly community and friends of mine from my old neighborhood. Woohoo!! Gotta get ready, wish you all were coming...now that would be interesting :D:D

[Fidelia]

Freezing cold I can take, wet slippery roads I can't.

Good call, Mono. Don't take any unecessary risks out there.

Not to be a buzz-kill, but . . . my natural brother took a serious spill on a wet road a few years back. Crushed his pelvis, nothing to be done. He'll never be the same, and he'll certainly never ride again. :(

So be safe, BrotherMan.

[MonoVCPHG]

Good call, Mono. Don't take any unecessary risks out there.

Not to be a buzz-kill, but . . . my natural brother took a serious spill on a wet road a few years back. Crushed his pelvis, nothing to be done. He'll never be the same, and he'll certainly never ride again. :(

So be safe, BrotherMan.

No worries, Redpepper gave me a stone to keep me safe after I went down this summer on wet roads too. I was fine but my baby took some scrapes. (refering to my bike :) )

Sorry to hear about your brother though :(

[MonoVCPHG]

Last night was a blast! Of course I was a little drunk so my perception might have been skewed:o

We showed up late because naughty teasing Redpepper was "poking her two tigers with a stick" shall we say and the tigers ended up poking her back with their own;)
I turned into a dancing machine resulting in my dancing alone at many points and then I was observed looking at other female dancers. Gawd, now I have to listen to that all the time lol! I'm mono....I'm not blind, jeesh!

We all returned home and curled up in the bed. The next morning Redpepper's ex girlfriend of many years came over and we had breakfast and put the Xmas decorations up.
It was a great night and day!!

That is one very Loved woman!!

[Mark1npt]

Glad you all had a great time guys. Happy Birthday RP......you know, I bet you can get a job in Vegas, taming those two tigers of yours RP;).........

[MonoVCPHG]

I bet you can get a job in Vegas, taming those two tigers of yours RP;).........

HAHA!! I can't imagine...errrrr wait now :rolleyes:

[MonoVCPHG]

It seems I am making more headway with Redpepper's husband's parents. I just got off the phone with his "step dad" I guess you’d call him. I am watching Redepper's son Wednesday night so I am taking him to see the naval ship lighting competition in our neighbourhood. I remembered her husband's step dad mentioning he'd like to see them so now we are meeting to take their son together. Her husband's parents are inspirational. I'm looking forward to showing them a bit of my own history as I have sailed on most the ships down there.

Feeling great!
Mono

[MonoVCPHG]

Last night Redpepper and I decorated an Xmas tree she gave me. It marks the first Xmas with her as well as the first one in my new place. It's a milestone in our relationship as we aproach our 1 year anniverary. Last year I spent Xmas alone but very happy in my self discoveries on the other side of self destruction. This year will be a holiday season I never forget as I have experienced so much, changed more and shared more than I ever thought possible.
To still be with Redpepper and gaining chosen family is the greatest gift of all :)

Peace and Love
Mono

[Mark1npt]

That's wonderful Mono.....I couldn't be happier for you, brother.:)

[MonoVCPHG]

Thanks Mark! Hope you and yours are flourishing this season as well my friend. Take care!

Peace and love
Mono

[MonoVCPHG]

After work I met Redpepper down town for her staff Secret Santa dinner. Her hubby was working so I filled "The Space Between"..heehee, inside joke. Most of her co-workers already know about our dynamic and have met me. Some of their spouses are less familiar with the whole thing. For a brief moment I felt a little out of place but then conversations began flowing and we all simply "were". I then left them to finish their meal to pick up her son from his school. The faculty there know me and I’m sure are curious. They see the relationship her son and I have.

He and I returned to the restaurant and we all sat as a family. He went between Redpepper’s knee and mine and her co-workers and spouses got to see the dynamic between us. Redpepper and I are more affectionate in front of him now and he just smiles in the manner of children. Everyone at that table undoubtedly has their own opinion and take of what we are all about but I think they all would have to agree that we are happy and healthy.

It was a good step forward in normalizing this type of dynamic to a group of people who will probably talk to other friends about us. This is my form of contributing to the acceptance of polyamory within society. Not through speeches and debates, but through setting an example..one that is visible, real, ongoing and once witnessed, hard to refute.


Thanks for inviting me Lilo...I love you more

[MonoVCPHG]

Sunday the chosen family and me joined people from the poly community for a family day of skating, swimming and pot-lucking! It was nice to see families get together and share a bit of stuff beyond the nature of relationships LOL! Everyone had a good time and friendships were deepened a little I think. We try to participate as much as possible especially when things are family orientated as it follows the path that we look for in our future. It's great to see other working examples of something we have and want to develope in the future.

Yesterday our family gathered by the ocean to watch the Winter Solstice sunrise which has become a tradition for Redpepper. We then sat in the car...(it was windy and somewhat rainy) and discussed what we were all going to try to actualize in the new year.

Now, Redpepper, her family and I are gearing up for our first Christmas together! We have decided to make this season about enjoying what makes us happy. What makes us happy is all being together with friends. Tonight Redpepper and I will do some baking for a Christmas Eve open house at their place where we will get to share some time with friends from all over.

It will be a much different Christmas for all of us I think...and her son is probably looking forward to an additional source of Christmas generosity LOL!!

Peace and Love
Mono

[LovingRadiance]

That sounds awesome Mono!

[MonoVCPHG]

You and your family are invited..get down here!

[LovingRadiance]

You and your family are invited..get down here!

Oh we'd love to-but this year is definitely a "no go". With the surgery coming up asap we're all a bit stressed out. :(

[MonoVCPHG]

Well take care and know that this is a standing invitiation :)