View Full Version : Need advice!!!
12-11-2011, 02:25 AM
Short history: me and Joe been married 4 years, Alli and Greg 3 yrs. Each had a few threesomes but nothing else. We all met in Vegas, hit it off, ended up girl on girl first night, swapping second night. We live in Florida they live in Michigan. We all kept in touch. Two months later they come to visit us for 5 days and we swapped the whole time with some girl on girl mixed in. Now me, Joe and Alli are all in. We actually want this to be our future and dream of all living together and making it our lives. Greg however has low self esteem and it's never been brought up but we can all tell he's not on the same page.he has shown some jealousy but nothing we didn't talk about and get over. My question is, should we give him time and see what happens or bring it up next month when we go visit them? Not sure what to do!? I don't want to bring it up and ruin what we already have but then again we all want to know what he feels. Oh and he jokes a lot (part of the insecurities) so he's not the easiest person to approach with a serious conversation. Help!!!
12-11-2011, 10:01 AM
If I got the time line correct you spent 7 or so days together....Greg maybe one of those people who take a little longer to become emotionally intimate.
Why not enjoy the moment and keep the grand plans in the drawer for a few more days....14 or 20....then pitch it.
What has alli said to Greg on or about this topic? ....what has he told her in return?... that could be a good indicator on how to proceed.
12-11-2011, 12:27 PM
It's very early to want to move in after only knowing someone for a couple of months in a primarily sexual arrangement. Why rush it? You don't really know these people, much less if you are all are compatible for living together. Giving it time is a good idea.
12-11-2011, 02:47 PM
I would err on the side of talking about it, it's better to get problems out in the air rather than let them fester. If you're nervous about talking to him directly, maybe you could email his wife and ask if she has a better sense of how he's doing and find out how much they've discussed things. You don't want to push, and maybe he does just need time (the other posters are right, this has been a very short affair so far), but in poly situations more talking generally is more better.
12-11-2011, 02:49 PM
Huh, what happened in Vegas moved to Florida!
Take your time. It's way too soon to think about moving in together! 2 or 3 dates does not a long term relationship make.
Enjoy your NRE, but wait for the hormones to settle down a little. Greg is right to be cautious, imo.
12-11-2011, 07:20 PM
Not much else to say here that others haven't. In my experience these kind of arrangements are fun for a bit and then end. Taking it all seriously can lead to pain and heart ache at this early stage.
I think its too early to indicate whether or not they are in this as a serious quad or not. I would give it at least 6 months to trust any talk of making this a permanent thing. Personally I wouldn't invest that much right now.
It doesn't sound like the odd man out is up for this kind of thing for the long haul so just enjoy your time. I wouldn't bring it up yet personally. I think it would end the fun. If it becomes a show stopper that he is jealous then maybe ask if there is something that he needs to talk about, but other than that I suspect he and his wife are working on his stuff in private.
12-12-2011, 06:19 PM
So I brought up the idea to Greg through text (this is how we primary communicate) and he kinda freaked out. Not really freaked out, just think the idea was hard for him to swallow. His reply was we can't just uproot our lives because we met awesome people. I know everybody said to wait to talk to him, but the conversation just flowed in that direction. So now it is out in the open at least. Nothings awkward we all still talk as usual and we are still planning on going to visit them next month. Alli said Greg was a little anxious after mine and his conversation but that he was ok, even talked about moving closer for "business" so people wouldn't think we were nuts, so that's a start! I think that is a big thing too, he is worried what people will think. So, now that its out (and he probably thinks I'm a complete pyscho) all it needs is time. We shall see, but for now, we're all just having fun! Thanks for all the replies :)