Glossary and Definitions

[LovingRadiance]

Bisexual: sexually attracted to both men and women.

Closed Marriage : Marriages where their is no outer emotional relating or sexuality.

Closed Group Marriage 1: A group of individuals who describe themselves as married but may or may not be all primaries and who are closed to outside sexual relationships 2: A marriage in which fidelity is not equated with monogamy

Closed Relationship n : An agreement among the members not to get sexually and/or romantically involved with anyone outside the relationship

Co-Housing Community : a housing community built around a group philosophy. Each family has there own home that is privately owned but there is community buildings and space. Often built around shared values or beliefs.

Commitment n 1 : to pledge or promise to do something 2 : dedication to a long-term course of action 3 : engagement 4 : involvement 5 : to put into charge or trust 6 : ENTRUST 7 : to carry into action 8 : PERPETRATE 9 : TRANSFER, CONSIGN; committal n; commit vb; committed vb; committing vb

Commune n 1 : a community 2 : interchange of thoughts and feelings 3 : converse; communal adj 1 : to be owned or shared by a community 2 : public

Community n, pl -ties 1 : a body of people living in the same place under the same laws; also : a natural population of plants and animals that interact ecologically and live in one place (as a pond) 2 : society at large 3 : joint ownership 4 : SIMILARITY, LIKENESS

Compersion n 1: taking joy or pleasure in someone else’s joy, pleasure or happiness 2: feeling joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another, the term was coined by the Keristan Commune in San Francisco which practiced Polyfidelity, Kerista disbanded in the early 1990's

Condom Commitment n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases. syn. safe sex circle

Cooperative n or adj 1 : willing to work with others 2 : of or relating to an association formed to enable its members 3: a cooperative association

Courting n or vb : The process by which people explore how it feels to form or join in a committed relationship. syn. dating

Eros n : refers 1: the Greek god of erotic love — compare cupid 2: the sum of life-preserving instincts that are manifested as impulses to gratify basic needs, as sublimated impulses, and as impulses to protect and preserve the body and mind — compare death instinct3 a: love conceived by Plato as a fundamental creative impulse having a sensual element b: often not capitalized : erotic love or desire (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Expanded Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn intentional family

Family n, pl 1: a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head 2 a: a group of persons of common ancestry : clan b: a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race 3: a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation 4a: the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children - (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Fidelity n 1 a: the quality or state of being faithful b: accuracy in details (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Fluid Bond: Of or related to practices which involve the exchange of bodily fluids, such as barrier-free sexual intercourse

Group Marriage n : a marriage involving more than two people

Group Partner n : a person of group marriage or relationship

Group Relationship n : a committed, loving relationship involving multiple partners

Hinge n or adj: Refers to Vee's, or similar dynamics in a more complex relationship, the "person in the middle", more bonded to each end than they are to each other, is sometimes called the hinge. Without the hinge, the others people often go their separate ways.

Hot Bi Babe [HBB] n : mythical creature [female] that some couples search for as for the Holy Grail.

Husband n : a male partner in a marriage or committed relationship

Inclusive Relationship n : a relationship in which all partners agree to include more lovers into their relationship

Intentional Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn expanded family

Intimate n, adj 1 a: intrinsic , essential b: belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature 2: marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity 3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy 4: of a very personal or private nature (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Intimate Network n : individuals who desire friendship and perhaps sex with their lover's and other friend's, forming a web of varying connections within a social circle

Intimate Partner n : a close romantic or sexual connection or relationship

Intimate Relationship n : term that assumes romantic or sexual connection

Jealousy n or adj 1 : the opposite of compersion 2 : negative, angry feelings that a group or an individual can prevoke in another group or individual 3 : demanding complete devotion 4 : suspicious of a rival or of one believed to enjoy an advantage 5 : VIGILANT; jealously; jealous adj

Line Marriage n : a term from the works of Robert A. Heinlein, science fiction writer, meaning a marriage that from time to time adds younger members, eventually establishing an equilibrium population, spouses dying off at the same rate as new ones are added, this is a different form of familial immortality than the traditional one of successive generations of children

Lovestyle n : the design or structure of a sexualove relationship, like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Relationship Orientation

Mixed Relationships n 1 : relationships that have heterosexual and homosexual members 2 : relationships that have people from different races and cultures

Monogamy n 1 archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime 2: the state or custom of being married to one person at a time 3: the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary.

Multi-partner Relationship n : the practice of having more than one intimate or sexual relationship at one time.

New Paradigm Relating n : a philosophy of relationship which emphasizes using the relationship to consciously enhance the psychological and spiritual development of the partners, characterized by responding authentically in the present moment, honoring individual autonomy, equality, honesty and self responsibility.

[LovingRadiance]

New Relationship Energy (NRE) n or adj: energy that flows between partners in a "new" relationship, the excitement and discovery that occurs during this time as opposed to old relationship energy that is part of a more settled, stable, comfortable time in the relationship

One True Way Polyamorist n : a person who believes there is only one right way to be polyamorous often based on their own moral judgments (most believe there are many ways to be poly)

Open Marriage n : a marriage where spouses are allowed to have romantic relationships and/or sex with others outside the marriage

Open Group Marriage n 1: A group of individuals who describe themselves as married, but may or may not be all primaries and who are open to outside romantic and/or sexual relationships

Open Relationship n : a relationship where partners are allowed to have romantic relationships and/or sex with others outside the relationship

Partner n 1 : Short for life partner(s). Gender-free, heterosexual assumption free term for someone with whom one is romantically involved with 2: SPOUSE or SPICE 3: ASSOCIATE(S), COLLEAGUE(S) 4: two or more persons who dance together 5 : one who plays on the same team with another 6: one of two or more persons contractually associated as joint principals in a venture--partnership n

Plural Marriage n : 1: a marriage between three or more people 2:a name often applied to Mormon-style polygyny, all the wives may live together or each may have her own home

Poly n or adj 1 : many or several 2 : Short for Polyamory 3: The relationship orientation of people who love and want to be intimate with more than one person at a time 4: A relationship that is non-monogamous relationship 5: A person that is either in or at least interested in a multi-partnered relationship and family

Poly activist n : a person interested in taking action intended to counteract the political, social and religious enforcement of monogamy; Poly activists help promote greater awareness of Polyamory as a legitimate relationship choice; poly activism n

Polyamorous n 1 : practicing polyamory 2 : of or characterized by polyamory

Polyamory n 1: the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time (2008). In Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary. 2: romantically loving more than one person at a time 3: responsible non-monogamy based on honest open communication and conscious choices

Polyandry n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more husbands at the same time 2 : the mating of one female animal with more that one male; polyandric adj; polyandrist n

Poly-Family n 1 : a group polyamorous people all the people living in or sharing life experiences in the same home or household 2 : a social unit consisting of multiple romantically involved adults (may or may not all be sexually/romantically involved with each other) 3 : when children are present the term includes others adults, besides blood or birth parents, who are responsibly involved with the child or children, most adult take an active role in child rearing 4 : a group of people related by common commune, tribe, clan, lineage, ancestry, relatives, commitment or marriage 5 : a sharing of living expenses and property

Polyfidelity n : a group in which all partners are primary to all other partners and sexual fidelity is to the group; shared intent of a lifelong run together. More primary partners can be added with everyone's consent. The term was coined by the Kerista commune

Polygamous adj 1 : practicing polygamy 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygamy

Polygamy n : the practice of having more than one wife or husband at one time; polygamist n;

Polygynous adj 1 : practicing polygyny 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygyny

Polygyny n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more wives at the same time 2 : the mating of a male animal with more than one female.

PolyWog : A person new to and exploring and experiencing polyamory.

Poly Virgin : A person who has never been in a polyamorous relationship.

Primary Partner or Relationship n 1 : the closest relationship type, the person(s) given the most time, energy and priority in a person's life; includes high level of intimacy, attraction and commitment as demonstrated by strong bonding, often live together can be committed by marriage or commitment ceremony

Quad n : A multiple partnered relationship with four members

Relationship Orientation n 1: The preference for sexual relationships or lovestyles which are monogamous, non-monogamous, intimate network, Polyfidelitous, etc. 2: The design or structure of a sexual love relationship. Like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Lovestyle

Safe Sex n : sexual activities in which precautions have been taken, as by the use of a condom, to minimize the chances of spreading or contracting a sexually transmitted disease. 2008 Dictionary.com Unabridged

Safe Sex Circle n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases

Secondary Partner or relationship n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life but usually not daily, the person provide emotional support may or may not provide economic support, there may be some sharing of resources, goal and life paths but they are few as compared to primary partners

Serial Monogamy n : a succession of monogamous partners over time

Sex Positive adj : a person who is comfortable with own sexuality and sexuality in general

Spouse n : a persons husband or wife

Swing Club n 1 : a meeting place where recreational sexual activity take place 2 : an organization that support, encourage and promotes recreational sexual activities

Swinger n : a person who participates in swinging

Swinging vb 1 : Relationship style in which a married or primary partners enjoy and engage in sex with other couples, individuals and/or groups with an emphasis on sexual pleasure and not on emotional connectedness. 2: Recreational sexual activity, sometimes called sport sex, where partner's or participant's agree to have casual sex with each other's partners. There is usually no emotional involvement.

Tantra n : 1 Hindu or Buddhist scriptures dealing with techiques and rituals including meditative and sexual prictices 2 :TOUCH 3 : Yoga spiritual discipline 4 : SENSATION 5 : FEEL

Tertiary n or adj 1 : of third rank, importance, or value 2 cap : of, relating to, or being the earlier period of the Cenozoic era 3 : occurring in or being the third stage

Tertiary Partner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life erratically, the person provides limited emotional support, usually does not provide economic support, sharing of resources, goal and life paths

Tertiary Relationship n or adj : a relationship which may include emotional support or sexuality on a one-time or highly erratic schedule, attention or energy is given in bursts but the relationship is not a consistent part of a persons life

Tolerance n 1 : the act or practice of tolerating; esp : sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from one's own 2 : the allowable deviation from a standard (as of size) 3 : the body's ability to become less responsive over time to something tolerant adj tolerantly adv

Triad n 1: any three person lovestyle. 2: three people involved in some way; most often used in a committed sense; in some cases involving ceremonies of commitment 3 : a union or group of three usu. closely related persons or things

Triangle n 1: (or equilateral triangle) relationship where three people are each involved with both of the others, sometimes also called a triad 2 : a plane figure that has three sides and three angles : a polygon having three sides 3 : something shaped like a triangle; triangular adj; triangularly adv

Troller n : a person who comes into the poly community trolling for sex.

Twittterpated: A term for NRE (new relationship energy) from Bambi. Infatuation with a lover in your life.

Vee n : three people, where the structure puts one person at the bottom, or hinge" of the vee, also called the pivot point; in a vee, the arm partners are not as commonly close to each other as each is to the pivot

[redpepper]

pansexual-Someone who is attracted to people regardless of their gender, sex or sexual orientation.

Serial monogamy-
someone who moves from one relationship to another often. a lifestyle which provides commitment to one sexual relationship at a time, but implies a regular change of partner

Serial polyamory-
someone who commits and loves several partners at once but there are so many that the love and commitment remains shallow.

BDSM-
is a compound acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&s, D/s, or Ds), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM). BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures. While not always overtly sexual in nature, the activities and relationships within a BDSM context are almost always eroticized by the participants in some fashion. Many of these practices fall outside of conventional sexual activities and human relationships. Activities and relationships within a BDSM context are characterized by the fact that the participants usually take on complementary, but unequal, roles.

Tops or Dominants-
Typically, participants who are active in BDSM— applying the activity or exercising control over others

Bottoms or Submissives-
Those participants who are recipients of the activities in BDSM, or who are controlled by their partners

Switches-
Individuals who move between top/dominant roles and bottom/submissive roles—either periodically within a relationship, or from relationship to relationship.

Metamour- the girlfriend or wife of your partner. Usually used if you are a secondary and they are your partners primary.

Actually, the definition of metamour is a bit less specific than that:

Metamour: The partner of one's partner, with whom there is no direct sexual or romantic relationship. It can refer to any gender and any primary/secondary status.

I.E. My partner's wife is my metamour and I am her metamour.

fluid bonding- when sexual partners share their bodily fluids with each other. Usually after each have been tested for STD's and have passed the test.

Relationship Anarchy- a term for polyamory, as there is no fixed definition that fully describes it. Used mostly by people in the beginning stages of developing forms of poly relationships. Also by the younger generations who are not fully developed in their relationship experiences. Seems to be akin to dating but the relationships have more depth and substance.

[ImaginaryIllusion]

Unicorn (n) syn: Hot-Bi-Babe or HBB (one of several definitions...but this gets the general gist.)

The unicorn is a hot bi-babe just sitting and waiting for a couple to come along so she can jump into a relationship with them. Sometimes spotted with Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster...and other mythical creatures.

The term "unicorn hunting" applies to couples who decide they want to try poly and figure they'll just find a girlfriend for both of them, someone who is unattached to anybody else and just looking for a couple. Such a creature is very, very rare.

Now, that said, it is not uncommon to find triads where a bi babe does get involved with a couple. Those sort of happen without the hbb actually looking for a couple, however--she meets one or the other first, usually, finds a connection there and then connects with the other half of the couple.

It's fairly easy to find a bi babe in the poly community. She's typically already involved with somebody, however, which removes her from the ranks of unicorns. She's also unlikely to bond equally with both halves of a couple, which also removes her from the ranks of unicorns. It appears from here that most bi babes falling in with a couple exclusively weren't actively poly prior to that and just fell into it, as she wasn't looking for a couple to join (which, again, means she's not a unicorn).

There are some folks who call any bi babe who joins up with a couple a unicorn. That, however is inaccurate, as it doesn't fulfill all the requirements of essential unicorn nature.

Not that it really matters. The unicorn thing is nothing more than a bit of community humor aimed at the naivete of some folks just beginning their poly journey. It's the poly equivalent of the Prince on the white horse rescuing the princess and living happily ever after.

If a couple finds an actual unicorn--woohoo, happy ending! If they find a hbb who doesn't qualify as a unicorn--woohoo, happy ending! If they find other arrangements that work--woohoo, happy ending!

I'm a sucker for happy endings.

I'll also add the unicorn hunters flowchart (http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/hotbibabe-flowchart-large.gif)for posterity. Remember...this is tongue in cheek...for many couples I think this is the gateway through which they'll pass to a better understanding of themselves & each other....one way or another.

Originally Posted by Erosa http://www.polyamory.com/forum/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=15488#post15488)
LOL This is a helpful thread to me.

I was rolling on the floor laughing at the 'unicorn hunters flow chart' though.

:D




I'd laugh a bit harder if it didn't hit so close to reality!

[Ceoli]

Also, in BDSM terms, tops and bottoms can be different from Dominants and submissives. Generally, with tops and bottoms, the top can administer the play (spanking, flogging..etc) and the bottom receives it, but this is without power exchange. The Bottom does not relinquish psychological control and has authority throughout the activity.

Dominants and submissives can do the same activities yet with them there is a power exchange involved. The submissive surrenders their authority to the Dominant and the Dominant has a certain amount of psychological control.

I'm only clarifying that because lots of people think that in order to participate in such play that they have to boss around or be bossed around or have to buy into the power exchange idea and that can sometimes turn people off. It's nice to know that there doesn't always have to be a power exchange to enjoy such play. For instance, I really enjoy bottoming, but I am not submissive.

Ceoli, would this not then be ' topping from the bottom'?

Topping from the bottom can happen when there is a power exchange involved and the person who relinquished their power in the play finds various ways to hang onto their power during the play, generally in manipulative ways. But when there is no power exchange involved, it's a bit of a different dynamic.

[NeonKaos]

"Theoretical polyamory" is an expression I made up on the fly JUST for Legion ;) :


It's when you and your partner agree to "be polyamorous" but one of you doesn't actually want the other to PRACTICE it.

In other words, you are "allowed" to see other people, but the constraints and stipulations are so unrealistic that you are unable to do so without violating the other person's "trust" or "boundaries" somehow.

"Poly-in-theory" is a term often used for couples who first declare they're poly and decide to go unicorn hunting without any practical experience in polyamory too.

[Ceoli]

Limerence: A floaty, manic, excited, feeling that often arises after meeting or spending time with someone who you are recently attracted to. Also, a fluttering heart, or butterflys in the stomach are symtoms of the feeling. Not to be confused with New Relationship Energy as limerence can be experienced outside of a relationship, such as a crush.

Polysaturated: A state of being polyamorous but not seeking additional partners because of the number of existing partners or because of the time constraints that adding a new relationship would create.


(not to be confused with polyunsaturated, which would kinda be me :p)

[Legion]

Limerence - synonym = twitterpation ?


Also:

COWBOY: Colloquial A monogamous man who engages in a relationship with a polyamorous woman with the intention of separating her from any other partners and bringing her into a monogamous relationship.

[sunnydee]

I made up this term in this context after PolyGuy began to express what sounded to my new-to-poly ears something like fears of the "boogie man."

Seeing me as someone that had only a mono past, he expressed concern that I might be seduced away from an openness to be in relationship with him by some unspecified mono person that I might meet and date in the future. He apparently had some experience with this happening.

The Monogamonster, then, is the spectre of monogamy that threatens a poly relationship, but may refer to monogamous partners who may raise that spectre should a poly person become attached to them.

Interestingly, I actually did have something of a Monogamonster run-in right about the time I saw the new Where the Wild Things Are movie, so now, in my mind, the Monogamonster looks like Carol, the jealous possessive character in that movie. :P

[MonoVCPHG]

Monomour - monogamous partner in a mono-poly relationship. Shares sexual/romantic affections with a single partner who knowingly has other loves.

Shares some possessive traits of the Monogamonster but has no hidden agenda to convert poly partner. Is the exact opposite of the Cowboy in that the monomour relies on the maintenance of existing relationships to avoid becoming a Monogamonster.

Pronunciation ; mon-oh-more
Origins; MonoVCPHG
References; Monopedia
See; monogamy, monotony, mine-mine-mine, things to avoid, wet blanket, WTF?!!

[cApNhOwDy]

Is there a formal definition for an "open" relationship where there is a bisexual woman and a heterosexual man who are romantically involved, and the bisexual woman is allowed to date other women, but not allowed to date other men?






Also, what [capnhowdy] is describing where the woman can date other women but not other men is commonly referred to as a "one penis policy" among poly communities. It's often the source ofmuch debate
.

[Sweetheart]

In a committed partnership or marriage where one partner is straight and the other is gay or bi, the term "mixed orientation marriage" or partnership is used.

The best known form of mixed orientation marriage is where the woman is straight and the man is gay or bi, and there are many support groups for this situation (google it or check wikipedia). Arrangements where the man is straight and the woman is bi/gay are considered rare, but this is only because those arrangements are not reported as often. Draw your own conclusions on that point.

Mixed orientation marriages often end in divorce, unless a mutually beneficial solution is found. Polyamory is often cited by psychiatrists and marriage counselors as a healthy way to solve the problem.

Hope that helps.

[Ceoli]

Mixed orientation marriages often end in divorce, unless a mutually beneficial solution is found. Polyamory is often cited by psychiatrists and marriage counselors as a healthy way to solve the problem.
.

I'm curious about where that assessment comes from. Can you point me to the source?

Hi Ceoli.

We were contacted by researchers who wanted to study us because I am a straight male and my partner is a bi/gay female. According to them, it was difficult for them to find such arrangements that hadn't dissolved. We answered a survey, but declined the support groups. We were asked if we had tried "alternative arrangements", and polyamory was mentioned, as was open marriage. We informed them that we had already found a satisfactory solution on our own, but we thanked them for their interest.

I recommend Wikipedia: mixed orientation marriages as a good starting point if you're interested in the research. That website can answer your questions better than I can. Also, just try doing a search for the term "mixed orientation marriage" and see what comes up.

Now, speaking as a longtime member of the poly community, I know that straight men with bi women is not an unusual arrangement at all. However, these researchers couldn't seem to find very many for their research. Maybe they were just not looking in the right places! :rolleyes:

[vampiresscammy]

polycurious - one interested in polyamory, but not quite ready to engage in the practices yet

bicurious - interested in both sexes, not practicing actual sex yet, or just having sex with one just men or just women, not both yet

biemotional - (as i've been led to beleive) is when one woman romantically loves another woman, but no touchy feely is going on

Domme - female Dominant

vanilla sex - sex without bdsm

ssc - abbreviation for safe, sane and consensual which means that everything is based on safe, sane and consenting behavior of all involved parties. This mutual consent makes a clear legal and ethical distinction between BDSM and crimes such as sexual assault or domestic violence.

safeword - is a codeword or series of codewords that are sometimes used in BDSM for a submissive (or "bottom") to unambiguously communicate their physical or emotional state to a dominant (or "top"), typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary. Some safewords are used to stop the scene outright, while others can communicate a willingness to continue, but at a reduced level of intensity.

subspace aka headspace aka flying aka floating - is a metaphor for the state the bottom's mind and body is in during a deeply involved play scene. Many types of BDSM play invoke strong physical responses. The psychological aspect of BDSM also causes many bottoms to mentally separate themselves from their environment as they process the experience. Deep subspace is often characterized as a state of deep recession and incoherence. Deep subspace may also cause a danger in newer bottoms who are unfamiliar with the experience, and require the dominant to keep a careful watch to ensure the bottom isn't placing him or her self in danger. Many bottoms require aftercare while returning from subspace

playing - Many BDSM practitioners regard the practice of BDSM in their sex life as sexual roleplaying and therefore speak of "Play" and "Playing". The execution of such play is termed a "Session", and the contents and the circumstances of the play are often referred to as a "Scene"

TPE - abbreviation for Total power exchange

collar - (in BDSM terms) is a device of any material placed around the neck of the submissive partner. It is also a term used to show ownership of one partner by another. A person wearing a collar to symbolize their relationship with another is said to be collared. Some people conduct formal "collaring ceremonies," which are regarded as effectively solemnizing their relationship in a similar way as a marriage ceremony.

[CielDuMatin]

Some really good, and useful definitions here. Thanks to everyone who worked to put this together. Gives us at least a good starting point for discussions.

[StitchwitchD]

Polyflexible: someone who can be mono or poly depending on the availability of partners, the preference of the primary partner, or whatever other factors favor one relationship choice over another.

[LovingRadiance]

Dominance and submission - description used in reference to a relationship or scene that is strictly one of power exchange, no sadomasochistic acts are involved.

Dominant - a person who possesses a dominating persona and enjoying taking control. Dominants may or may not have sadistic tendencies. Also known as a 'Top'.

Domination - the erotic control consensually imposed on a submissive. This can be via physical and/or verbal means.

Erotic Power Exchange - another term for SM but is a little more 'vanilla' and socially acceptable.

Limits - a set of personal guidlines and boundaries an individual has in regards to type of play and/or BDsM activities he or she does not wish to experience or partake in. These include anything that can cause mental, physical, or emmotional distress to the individual. Some people have two different sets of limits; soft limits,that are limits that are scary for the person to imagine but are not totally out of the realm of possiblity and Hard Limits, those are things that the person does not ever wish to experience or explore.

Masochist - used to describe a person that enjoys receiving erotic pain. A masochist may or may not have submissive qualities.

Negotiate - conversation held for the purpose of outlining the details of a scene or D/s relationship. It is necessary that all parties agree on the specifics of the scene or relationship before any play or service occurs.

Power exchange - the consensual giving up of control by the bottom and accepting of control by the Top during an SM scene or relationship. Used as a synonym for SM.

Property - a person who is in a contracted relationship with a Dominant that relates to the submissive in an Ownership manner. A submissive who is considered property must get permission from their owner before any interaction takes place with another Dominant.

Sadist - a person who specifically enjoys administering pain. A Sadist is not necessarily dominant, nor is a Dominant necessarily sadistic.

Sadomasochism - a term used to describe erotic activities that involve dominance, submission, or the giving and receiving of pain.

Slave - a submissive that lives it to a deeper level and is usually specialized in one or more areas (valet, maid, chef, companion).

SM, S & M - sadomasochism; erotic power exchange .

Submissive - a person who enjoys giving control over to a Dominant and derives pleasure from serving the needs of that Dominant.

Total Power Exchange - a relationship in which the Dominant is in total control over the submissive and dictates all activities.

Verbal humiliation - a scene that involves degrading a submissive using insults and name-calling. These types of scenes must be negotiated beforehand to assure no emotional limits are crossed.

OK that's all of the entertainment for today. :)
Seriously though-I feel like CRAP today. My ears are all plugged up and everything sounds weird-so copy/pasting is better than trying to have a conversation in the real world!
Hope you are all having a good day.

Happy Mothers Day RP! I hope you have a GREAT day today with the boy!!!xoxox

[redpepper]

oh dear, I don't agree entirely with the definitions above... *sigh* I'm too tired at the moment to object... basically D/s does involve aspects of masochism...and masochism is not always sexual although it does conjure up sexual pleasure for the one preforming the act on a sub.

[LovingRadiance]

Obviously things got moved around again.

Anyway!!

RP-

I do understand what you are saying-but the thing is that if you research D/s, it doesn't ALWAYS include aspects of s&m. Nor does it always include aspects of sex.

It would make MORE sense if we are going to have the list HERE if I change the list and put the WHOLE definitions list there... but I dont' think it will fit in one post... :rolleyes:

[NeonKaos]

I copied the list of definitions here. It's still in the other thread too. You can add to it or edit it as much as the system allows.

[redpepper]

Dominance and submission - description used in reference to a relationship or scene that is strictly one of power exchange, no sadomasochistic acts are involved.
I was referring to this. It's a bit too absolute for my liking.

It seems we are saying the same thing.

[solarwindsfly]

Ok so if I am understanding this correct a "unicorn" is a bi girl who is looking for a poly relationship who is Not already in a relationship? If that is so I was a unicorn about two years ago LOL!!

[redpepper]

Ok so if I am understanding this correct a "unicorn" is a bi girl who is looking for a poly relationship who is Not already in a relationship? If that is so I was a unicorn about two years ago LOL!!

Yes, although you would of needed to be exclusive to that couple and not willing or wanting to date anyone else but them.

[ak2381]

What is the best description in a V vs Triad relationship? The more in depth description the better please.

[Ariakas]

What is the best description in a V vs Triad relationship? The more in depth description the better please.

I look at it pretty simply.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

[NeonKaos]

I'm not sure why there is so much confusion about this. It seems pretty self-explanatory to me, and it has been discussed over and over ad nauseum.

The definitions are also in this thread for all to see. writing them out repeatedly is not going to change anything. I don't know how "in depth" you can go since it's not complicated at all.

If it helps:

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

A V is a relationship where the 2 legs do not have a romantic/sexual relationship
A triad is one where all 3 are involved together.

[TruckerPete]

Point of clarification, please! SO vs partner? Also, I'm assuming OSO is "other significant other"?

[MonoVCPHG]

Point of clarification, please! SO vs partner? Also, I'm assuming OSO is "other significant other"?

I don't think there is a difference between partner and significant other. Unless the "partner" is considered a primary relationship and the SO is considered more of a secondary partner. Interesting..never thought about that.

[NeonKaos]

I don't think there is a difference between partner and significant other. Unless the "partner" is considered a primary relationship and the SO is considered more of a secondary partner. Interesting..never thought about that.

These are terms that people pick whichever one they like best. There are no "poly" laws about this. It works like this for all relationships. Some people don't like to use the terms "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", so they use other words.

[vodkafan]

I just been reading this thread....

It turns out we are Polywogs and my wife is a Hinge. :D

[Thunderlizard]

"Thirdvana"... that blissful feeling that Unicorn hunters get when their Unicorn finally comes to roost. The feeling of being cared about exponentially, and in that particular "different way" that's hard to describe if you haven't actually experienced it, that is shared among all members"
Of course, we'd modify the term for larger-than-triad situations, but a recent "couple seeking third" thread sparked this for me.

[Shine]

"Thirdvana".

I say I'm on cloud 27...

[TruckerPete]

I say I'm on cloud 27...

I appreciate that wit! :D

[Shine]

I appreciate that wit! :D

:D *happy dance*

[yoxi]

"vanilla sex - sex without bdsm" - so... every flavour of sex apart from vanilla is about BDSM? that seems a bit dismissive to me!

We non-BDSM types have plenty of neapolitan and tuttifrutti and ripple etc. going on, thank you very much :). Besides, there's some really bloody great vanilla to be had out there - and some godawful BDSM too.

Sometimes the quality is more important than the flavour.

[RfromRMC]

Throuple - slang term for a Triad; used especially by gay men who aren't familiar with polyamorous community terms like "triad" or "vee".

(When we say "triad", most guys look at us confused. We say "throuple", they are like "OH ok!")

[MrFarFromRight]

I want to create a new word-definition for the polyamory community. Let me know if it's already been taken, but I searched the word on this board and there's no mention so far. (Also, if anybody knows of another word for the same type of person... let me know! )

[B]Yeti: a person who is totally in favour of polyamory, sees it as an ideal, a principle... but who (for whatever reason) hasn't actually got any sexual relationships going. (The yeti wanders in the snow alone, allowing (???) him/herself to be glimpsed occasionally, but hasn't made it into civilisation yet.) I know of one example: me. [See "Polyamorous and celibate (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6794)"]

[nycindie]

Um, no.

[redpepper]

From: www.polyamorysociety.org/language.html

Bright-eyed Novice [BeN] n : a person who has just discovered Polyamory. Handle at your own risk as they tend to date as if eating at a buffet, they are still unaware of the amount of energy and work they will need to make their relationships work and have not yet refined their communication skills. [example of phrase BeN would say? "I love more than one person and I don't care who knows it !"]

Closed Marriage : Marriages where their is no outer emotional relating or sexuality

Closed Group Marriage : A group of individuals who describe themselves as married but may or may not be all primaries and who are closed to outside sexual relationships 2: A marriage in which fidelity is not equated with monogamy

Closed Relationship n : An agreement among the members not to get sexually and/or romantically involved with anyone outside the relationship

Commitment n 1 : to pledge or promise to do something 2 : dedication to a long-term course of action 3 : engagement 4 : involvement 5 : to put into charge or trust* 6 : ENTRUST* 7 : to carry into action 8 : PERPETRATE 9 : TRANSFER, CONSIGN; committal n; commit vb; committed vb; committing vb

Commune n 1 : a community 2 : interchange of thoughts and feelings 3 : converse; communal adj 1 : to be owned or shared by a community 2 : public

Community n, pl -ties 1 : a body of people living in the same place under the same laws; also : a natural population of plants and animals that interact ecologically and live in one place (as a pond) 2 : society at large 3 : joint ownership 4 : SIMILARITY, LIKENESS

Compersion n : the feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another, the term was coined by the Keristan Commune in San Francisco which practiced Polyfidelity, Kerista disbanded in the early 1990's*

Condom Commitment n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases. syn. safe sex circle

Condom Compact n : is collection of rules and responsibilities to help members involved in open multiple partner relationships protect themselves against STD, the Condom Compact was written by Oberon and Morning Glory Zell

Conscious Courtship n : dedication is in seeing that commitment and emotional or bonding are developed and based on values and goal alignment as well as initial and on-going attraction

Cooperative n or adj 1 : willing to work with others 2 : of or relating to an association formed to enable its members 3: a cooperative association

Courting n or vb : The process by which people explore how it feels to form or join in a committed relationship.* syn. dating

Cowboy n : A male person who believes that alternative relationships are unstable, and consciously or unconsciously tries to pull one of the partners off into a monogamous relationship with them. Refers to "cutting a filly out of the herd". Cowgirl : A female cowboy

Eclectic Relationship n : Relationship that have heterosexual and homosexual members in them , relationship that consisting of diverse elements

Eromance n : romantic sexual love*

Eros n : refers to sexual intimacy, sexual love, sexual drive or libido

Expanded Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn intentional family

[redpepper]

From: www.polyamorysociety.org/language.html

PolyRelationship n : a multiple partnered polyamorous relationship

Poly Mantra n or v: communicate, communicate, communicate and then communicate some more

Primary* adj 1: first in order of time or development 2 : PREPARATORY 3: of first rank or importance 4 : FUNDAMENTAL* 5 : not derived from or dependent on something else

Primary Partner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life on day to day basis, the person provide emotional and economic support, there is mutual sharing of resources, goal and life paths

Primary Relationship n 1 : the closest relationship type, the person(s) given the most time, energy and priority in a person's life; includes high level of intimacy, attraction and commitment as demonstrated by marriage-level bonding (such as shared life paths, goals, parenting, economics, housing, important values, ongoing emotional support, etc.), typically includes a desire for a shared lifelong future together

Quad n : A multiple partnered relationship with four members

Relationship n : the state of being related or interrelated

Relationship Orientation n 1: The perference for sexual relationships or lovestyles which are monogamous, nonmonogamous, intimate network, Polyfidelitous, etc. 2: The design or structure of a sexualove relationship.* Like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Lovestyle

Remarriage n : the state of being or getting married again

Safe Sex n : ideal 100% safe sexual activity and especially sexual intercourse in which various measures (as the use of latex condoms) are taken to avoid diseases (as AIDS and other STD's) which are transmitted by sexual contact*

Safer Sex n : reality, not 100% safe, sexual activity and sexual intercourse where various measures are taken such as the use of latex condoms and barriers to avoid sexually transmaitted disease also taking into account that no such measure is 100% safe or foolproof

Safe Sex Circle n : an agreement to confine exchange of bodily fluids and barrier-free intercourse to a closed group which has previously been screened for sexually transmitted diseases; syn. Condom Commitment n

Secondary Partner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life but usually not daily, the person provide emotional support may or may not provide economic support, there may* be some sharing of resources, goal and life paths but they are few as compared to primary partners

Secondary Relationship n : a close relationship type, by definition it is given less in terms of time, energy and priority in a person's life than any primary relationship, includes aspects of primary relating, such as sexuality and emotional support but usually involves fewer ongoing commitments as evidenced by fewer shared values, plans or finanical/legal involvements, may include a desire for a long term future together

Serial Monogamy n : a succession of monogamous partners over time, overlapping sexuality only in the transition from the current monogamous partner to next

Sex Negative adj : a person with the belief that sexuality in general dirty or distasteful to including their own sexuality

Sex Positive adj : a person who is comfortable with own sexuality and sexuality in general

Skeezer n : a male, closely related to the Old Greaser [See Old Greaser]. His 'open' relationship policy generally means he just likes to have intercourse with anything that moves.

Spice n : Plural of spouse

Spouse n : a persons husband or wife

Swing Club n 1 : a meeting place where recreational sexual activity take place 2 : an organization that support, encourage and promotes recreational sexual activities

Swinger n : a person who is sophisticated, ultra-fashionable, active , uninhibited in the pursuit of pleasure or sex

Swinging vb : Recreational sexual activity, also called "sport sex" where partner's or participant's agree to have casual sex with each other's.* There is usually no emotional involvement.* A form of monogamy in which usually two primary partners agree to have casual sex with other couples or singles

Synergy n : the state of a system in which the whole is greater taht the sum of its parts : similar harmony as expressed musically : synergism n : interaction of discrete agencies (as industrial firms), agents (as drugs), or conditions such that the total effect is greater than the sum of the individual effects synergist n; synergistic adj; synergistically adv*

Trantra n : 1 Hindu or Buddhist scriptures dealing with techiques and rituals including meditative and sexual prictices 2 :TOUCH 3 : Yoga spiritual discipline* 4 : SENSATION 5 : FEEL

Tertiary n or adj 1 : of third rank, importance, or value 2 cap : of, relating to, or being the earlier period of the Cenozoic era 3 : occurring in or being the third stage*

Tertiary Partner* n : a person of polyamorous orientation that is intimately involved in your life erratically, the person provides limited emotional support, usually does not provide economic support, sharing of resources, goal and life paths

Tertiary Relationship n or adj : a relationship which may include emotional support or sexuality on a one-time or highly erratic schedule, attention or energy is given in bursts but the relationship is not a consistent part of a persons life

Tolerance n 1 : the act or practice of tolerating; esp : sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from one's own 2 : the allowable deviation from a standard (as of size) 3 : the body's ability to become less responsive over time to something tolerant adj tolerantly adv

Traditional Monogamy n : only one partner who is a lifelong mate; primary intimacy and sexual fidelity only with this partner : also see monogamy

Triad n 1: any three person lovestyle.* 2: three people involved in some way; most often used in a committed sense; in some cases involving ceremonies of commitment 3 : a union or group of three usu. closely related persons or things

Triangle n 1: (or equilateral triangle) relationship where three people are each involved with both of the others, sometimes also called a triad 2 : a plane figure that has three sides and three angles : a polygon having three sides 3 : something shaped like a triangle; triangular adj; triangularly adv

Trisexual n : a sexual orientation of a person who prefers to have sex with two or more partners simultaneously

Vee n : three people, where the structure puts one person at the bottom, or* hinge" of the vee, also called the pivot point; in a vee, the arm partners are not as commonly close to each other as each is to the pivot

Zee n :Slang shape of four people in a poly relationship where two are sexual and two are not yet all four live in the same house

[redpepper]

From: www.polyamorysociety.org/language.html

Family n, pl -lies 1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and under one head : HOUSEHOLD 2 : a group of persons of common ancestry : CLAN3 : a group of things having common characteristics; esp : a group of related plants or animals ranking in biological classification above a genus and below an order 4 : a social unit usu. consisting of one or two parents and their children

Fidelity n, pl -ties 1 : the quality or state of being faithful 2 : ACCURACY syn allegiance, loyalty, devotion, fealty

Friends With Benefits abbr. - [FWB] n : a casual relationship used to describe the physical and emotional relationship between unmarried people who engage in uncommitted sex acts. The intent is generally to relieve sexual frustrations through an alternative to masturbation, and is not intended as a romantic relationship. All parties are free to date and engage in sex acts with other people. This type of a relationship effectively gives the people involved an outlet for their sexual urges without the potential stress and time-demands of a committed relationship. The people may elect to become "Friends With Benefits" because they are not willing to commit to a full-fledged relationship for whatever reason

Grex n : a synergistic group of highly interdependent individuals whose functioning is enhanced by their association

Group Marriage n : a marriage involving more than two people

Group Partner n : a person of group marriage or relationship

Group Relationship n : a committed, loving relationship involving multiple partners

Hinge n or adj: Refers to Vee's, or similar dynamics in a more complex relationship, the "person in the middle", more bonded to each end than they are to each other, is sometimes called the hinge. Without the hinge, the others people often go their separate ways.

Hippie Hefner n : a male that is a charming mid-life hippie who attempts to create [though may already have done so] a flock of buxom women

Hot Bi Babe [HBB] n : mythical creature [female] that some couples search for as for the Holy Grail.

Husband n : a male partner in a marriage or committed relationship

In search of Hot Bi Babe [ISO HBB] n : a couple that is only looking for the elusive HBB. Won't talk to anyone else. Not interested in anything else.

Inclusive Relationship n : a relationship in which all partners agree to include more lovers into their relationship

Intentional Family n : a relationship in which three or more partners consciously chose each other as family, partners may or may not live together, there is the potential for all family members to be sexual with each other if they mutually chose to do so but this is not a requirement for family membership, syn expanded family

Intimate n, vb or adj 1 : an intimate friend, associate, or confidant 2 : INTRINSIC; also : INNERMOST 3 : marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity 4 : marked by a warm friendship 5 : suggesting informal warmth or privacy 6 : of a very personal or private nature-mated; -mating 7 : ANNOUNCE, NOTIFY 8 : to communicate indirectly : HINT; intimation n; intimacy n; intimately adv

Intimate Network n : individuals who desire friendship and perhaps sex with their lover's and other friend's, forming a web of varying connections within a social circle

Intimate Partner n : a gender-free, hetrosexual free term that define a person that another person is involved with their is a presumption of a romantic or sexual connection

Intimate Relationship n : a gender-free, hetrosexual free relationship term that assumes romantic or sexual connection

Jealousy n or adj 1 : the opposite of compersion 2 : negative, angry feelings that a group or an individual can prevoke in another group or individual 3 : demanding complete devotion 4 : suspicious of a rival or of one believed to enjoy an advantage 5 : VIGILANT; jealously; jealous adj*

Line Marriage n : a term from the works of Robert A. Heinlein, science fiction writer, meaning a marriage that from time to time adds younger members, eventually establishing an equilibrium population, spouses dying off at the same rate as new ones are added, this is a different form of familial immortality than the traditional one of successive generations of children

Lovestyle n : the design or structure of a sexualove relationship, like the term lifestyle, it implies a conscious choice. syn. Relationship Orientation

Mixed Relationships n 1 : relationships that have heterosexual and homosexual members 2 : relationships that have people from different races and cultures

Monogamy n 1 : the practice of marrying only once 2 : being married to only one person at a time 3 : a marriage in which tow partners agree not to have sex or erotic love with anyone else 4 : a lovestye for two players; monogamist n; monogamous adj

Multipartner Relationship n : any nonmonogamous Relationship

Multiple adj 1 : more than one; also : MANY 2 : VARIOUS

Multiple Partner n : more than one partner

Multiple Relationship n : more than one relationship

New Normal n or adj : searching for normality and balance after establishing a new relationship within a group relationship. Establishing a new relationship within an existing multipartnered relationship brings changes to the emotionally established order of the group relationship. Finding the "NEW NORMAL" is what the shared group members strive for to improve the relationship and bring the group back into balance after adding a new member.

New Paradigm Relating n : a philosophy of relationship which emphasizes using the relationship to consciously enhance the psychological and spiritual development of the partners,* New Paradigm Relating is characterized by responding authentically in the present moment, honoring individual autonomy, equality, total honesty and self responsibility.

New Relationship Energy n or adj: energy that flows between partners in a "new" relationship, the excitement and discovery that occurs during this time as opposed to old relationship energy that is part of a more settled, stable, comfortable time in the relationship

Nonmonogamy n : a relationship which allows for more that one sexual relationship at a time

Not-so-hot Bi Babe [NSHBB] n : unfortunately non-mythical annoying rookie who "Just doesn't get it" and would be more happier swinging.

Odd-One-Out Syndrome n or adj: an intimate situation where one person feels left out, usually because there is an odd number or members

Old Greaser n : a male who, at least once an hour, tries to have sex with anything female, regardless of appropriateness.

Old Paradigm Relating n or adj : a philosophy of relationship which emphasizes well defined rules, extensive agreements, ironclad conditions and the importance of the group over the individual, usually involves a hierarchical power structure.

One True Way Polyamorist n : Often times the Bright-eyed Novice [See Bright-eyed Novice] will morph into The One True Way Polyamorist after several months. This person has read everything they can find and will tell you exactly how Polyamory works, and what you must do. They will tell you that you are immoral or dishonorable if you disagree with them.

Open Marriage n : Includes one primary spouse bond and other secondary or tertiary lover's depending on availability and circumstance.

Open Group Marriage n 1: A group of individuals who describe themselves as married, but may or may not be all primaries and who are open to outside sexual relationships

Open Relationship n : an agreement among the members in which the partners decide that they can have sexual relations outside of the relationship.* Partner have agreed that they can have sexual relations independently of each other

Partner n 1 : Short for life partner(s).* Gender-free, heterosexual assumption free term for someone with whom one is romantically involved with 2: SPOUSE or SPICE 3: ASSOCIATE(S), COLLEAGUE(S) 4: two or more persons who dance together 5 : one who plays on the same team with another 6: one of two or more persons contractually associated as joint principals in a venture--partnership n

Plural Marriage n : a name often applied to Mormon-style polygyny,* all the wives may live together or each may have her own home

[redpepper]

From: www.polyamorysociety.org/language.html

Poly n or adj 1 : many or several 2 : Short for Polyamorous 3: The relationship orientation of people who love and want to be intimate with more than one person at a time* 4: A relationship that is non-monogamous relationship* 5: A person that is either in or at least interested in a multipartnered relationship and family

Polyactivist n : a person interested in taking action intended to counteract the political, social and religious enforcement of monogamy; Polyactivists help promote greater awareness of Polyamory as a legitimate relationship choice; polyactivism n

Polyamorous n 1 : practicing polyamory 2 : of or characterized by polyamory

Polyamory n : is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously.* Polyamory emphasizes consciously choosing how many partners one wishes to be involved with rather than accepting social norms which dictate loving only one person at a time.* Polyamory is an umbrella term which integrates traditional multipartner relationship terms with more evolved egalitarian terms.* Polyamory embraces sexual equality and all sexual orientations towards an expanded circle of spousal intimacy and love.* Polyamory is from the root words Poly meaning many and Amour meaning love hence "many loves" or Polyamory

Polyandrous n 1 : practicing polyandry 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polyandry

Polyandry n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more husbands at the same time 2 : the mating of one female animal with more that one male; polyandric adj; polyandrist n

PolyChildhood n 1 : the state of being a child in a multiple partnered relationship
2 : from infancy to puberty* 3 : an early stage or development within a multiple partnered relationship

PolyChild n -ren pl 1 : a girl or boy in the period before puberty* from a polyamrous marriage or relationship 2 : an infant; baby of polyamorous union

Polyerocist n : a person who practices or prefers sex with multiple partners

Polyeros n : a lifestyle or relationship in which sexual partners agree that they may take additional sexual partners

PolyFamily n 1 :* all the people living in or sharing life experences in the same home or household* 2 : a social unit consisting of multiple adult models 3 : when polychildren are present the term includes others adults, besides blood or birth parents, who are responsibly involved with the polychild or polychildren, most adult take an active role in polychild rearing* 4 : a group of people related by common commune, tribe, clan, lineage, ancestry, relatives, commitment or marriage 5 : a sharing of living expenses and property

PolyFriend n 1 : a person whom one knows well and is fond of polyamorous people 2 : intimate associate or close acquaintance of a person of an polyamorous orientation

Polyfriendly n 1 : an ally of people of a polyamorous orientation 2 : amicable 3 : supporting, helping or favorable 4 : showing friendly feelings polyamorous people or unions 5 : ready to be a friends to polyamorous people or unions

Polyfi Fundamentalist n : Closely related to the One True Way Polyamorist [See One True Way Polyamorist], differing only in the fact that they believe polyfidelity is paramount to all of the other Poly-style relationships. Will politely tell you how immoral you are if you are not Polyfidelitous. Though, some will vehemently call you a swinger or wannabe if you argue with them.

Polyfidelitous adj 1 : practicing polyfidelity 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polyfidelity

Polyfidelity n : a group in which all partners are primary to all other partners and sexual fidelity is to the group; shared intent of a lifelong run together. More primary partners can be added with everyone's consent.* The term was coined by the Kerista commune

Polygamous adj 1 : practicing polygamy 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygamy

Polygamy n : the practice of having more than one wife or husband at one time; polygamist n; polygamous adj

Polygynous adj 1 : practicing polygyny 2 : of, engaging in or characterized by polygyny

Polygyny n 1 : the state or practice of having two or more wives at the same time 2 : the mating of a male animal with more than one female

PolyLove n 1 : strong affection or attraction to more than one person 2 : the strong belief that human beings are capable of having love and affection for more than one person at a time 3 : warm attachment and joyful feeling in presence of your beloveds 4 : attraction based on sexual desire multiple partners 5 :* intimate fantasies and dreams about multiple partners 6 : beloved people 7 : unselfish loyalty, benevolence and concern for others 8 : to feel a passion, devotion, or tenderness for multiple partners or loveones 9 : to take pleasure in being with many

PolyLover n : a person of polyamorous orientation with whom you have an intimate relationship*

PolyMarriage n 1 : the state of being committed in multiple partnered relationship 2 : a multiple partnered relationship where commitment ritual was performed 3 : any close or intimate multi partnered union of duration

PolyPartner n : a person of polyamorous orientation that you are intimately involved

[MrFarFromRight]

4 (possibly from British use) that I've searched. They exist on the board, but - apparently - not yet in this glossary:

wibbles, wibbly:
frubbles, frubbly:"Polyamorists also have a word for low-key jealousy - "wibbles".

It's a kind of jealousy that doesn't represent a massive sexual threat; it's a smaller version of jealousy," said Dr Barker. "You can say 'I'm wibbly' - I'm really OK but a bit shaky, and I need some reassurance."

Another is "frubbly", which describes the positive feeling of seeing your partner with another lover. "[Frubbles] the opposite of jealousy," Dr Barker said.quoted from the article "Free love gets a fit of the wibbles" at http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2005/apr/04/britishidentity

[TruckerPete]

wibbles, wibbly:
frubbles, frubbly

How are we ever going to be taken seriously? :p

[MrFarFromRight]

How are we ever going to be taken seriously? :pOh, you know: everybody takes you Canadians seriously. These are the Brits we're talking about... You know - the country that gave the world the Wombles, Wurzel Gummidge, and Paul McCartney.

[Kay]

Just want to say thanks to everyone who took the time to put this page together it is very helpful:)

[islandgy9]

I am a struggling theoretical polyamorist/monomour who is afraid of the monogamonster...*
Here is another acronym:
CRAP - Changing Relationship Adjustment Period...
*

[TruckerPete]

Polier Than Thou - One who practices the One True Way of Poly and preaches to everyone. Incessantly.

[thirstythirsty]

Polywog warning - I'm new to all this. A few thoughts though.

How are we ever going to be taken seriously? :p

Personally, I feel we don't need to help jealousy get taken seriously. Wibbles is awesome.


However, I have some trouble with the definition of jealousy stated here. To me, being new to poly, it's something very nuanced, and it sorta needs to be dissected and treated carefully & tenderly. It's that stuff that gets deflated by love. The stuff that creates problems & week-long discussions, seemingly impossible to pin down, until you add love & attention, making it melt away.
My spouce only wants to use it when there's a feeling of threat involved, I tend to use it where there's something I want but someone else seem to be getting, or someone else in a role that I want to be in. I get jealous when someone else is caring for her after our rows, or someone else gets acceptance when I get a frown...
It's a many-headed thing, that can cause a lot of destruction, but when you spot it, it's the easiest conflict to defuse. I would never call it negative, since it's just a need for love, and I'm all for love. It's just a bit hard to spot, since it tends to hide behind anger & stuff. Can't shoot her down for not spotting it herself, love is supposed to be a bit confusing.

[Starstepher]

From: www.polyamorysociety.org/language.html

Zee n :Slang shape of four people in a poly relationship where two are sexual and two are not yet all four live in the same house

What do you call four people, where two are sexual and two are not that don't live in the same house? It also feels like a Z shape.

Hypothetical: My girlfriend and I both have mono husbands?

[ZeroDrakken]

I've seen the term used alot... but what exactly does "DH" stand for? Is it (as I keep imagining) imported and ironically repurposed baseball slang, or is it something else entirely?

[nycindie]

I've seen the term used alot... but what exactly does "DH" stand for? Is it (as I keep imagining) imported and ironically repurposed baseball slang, or is it something else entirely?It's message board speak for "Dear [or Darling] Husband." DW, DS, DD = Dear/Darling Wife, Son, Daughter. I've always thought they were really stupid abbreviations, and they do annoy the shit out of me. Below is a list of some abbreviations commonly used in online communities/forums, and here. Texting has created newer ones, but most of these have been around a long time:


BF - Boyfriend

BFF - Best Friend Forever

BIL - Brother-in-Law

BTW - By The Way

BTDT - Been There, Done That

DD - Dear or Darling Daughter

DH - Dear or Darling Husband

DS - Dear or Darling Son

DW - Dear or Darling Wife

DIL - Daughter-in-Law

DSD - Dear Stepdaughter

DSS - Dear Stepson

EA - Emotional Affair

EX - Ex-husband or Ex-wife

FIL - Father-in-Law

FWIW - For What It's Worth

FYI - For Your Information

GF - Girlfriend

GMTA - Great Minds Think Alike

HTH - Hope This Helps

IMO - In My Opinion

IMHO - In My Humble Opinion

IOW - In Other Words

ITM - In The Meantime

IRL - In Real Life

ITA - I Totally Agree

J/K - Just Kidding

JMHO - Just My Honest/Humble Opinion

KWIM - Know What I Mean

LDR - Long Distance Relationship

LMAO - Laughing My Ass Off

LOL - Laughing Out Loud

MIL - Mother-in-Law

OM - Other Man

OW - Other Woman

OP - Original Poster

OMG - Oh My God

OSO - Other Significant Other

OTOH - On the other hand

ROTFLMAO - Rolling on the Floor Laughing My Ass Off

SAHM - Stay At Home Mom

SIL - Sister-in-Law/Son-in-Law

SO - Significant Other

STBX - Soon-To-Be Ex

STD - Sexually Transmitted Disease

STI - Sexually Transmitted Infection

TIA - Thanks In Advance

WTG - Way To Go

WTH - What The Hell

[ZeroDrakken]

I'm familiar with a lot of those (and I too am loathe to actually use them) but the DH was a new one for me. Thanks for the update.

[TruckerPete]

Don't forget YMMV, which I see often on here. (Your mileage may vary.)

[Jtron]

Thanks for the definitions! Very useful for a newb like me!

[HumbleBee]

May I suggest a word I heard recently in an Youtube interview with Allena Gabosh from Seattle?
She uses the word "Polycules" synonymous with all kinds of polyfamilies and polyrelations if I got her correct.

The assosiation comes from "molecules" and their multiple possible structures :D
Love it :-)

[redpepper]

"prescriptive" secondary basically means you're "not allowed" to ever become more than a secondary, you'll never be as valued as the primary, and if your relationship ever becomes "too threatening" to the primary relationship, you're out the door.

Compare to "descriptive" secondary, where it's more like you just happen to have your life not as entangled (i.e. your partner has a wife with kids together, shared bills, and a joint mortgage) so the "secondary" status just describes the nature of your current relationship, without forcing it in a box that says it will never be allowed to become something more.thought this would be worth repeating here.

[Bucephalus]

I've learned so much from this thread! :D

Most notably, I learned there's a term for someone like me: polyflexible. And, I am now determined to include wibbly and frubbly into my usable vocabulary. XD

I think these terms are worthy of the front page, if someone can put them there. The first because it helped me solve my confusion and feeling of alone-ness (I hadn't heard of others who thought like that before) and the latter two because they are just so awesome and useful!

[nycindie]

...I am now determined to include wibbly and frubbly into my usable vocabulary. Oh, please don't!

I think these terms are worthy of the front page, if someone can put them there.
This is a "sticky note," which means it's at the top of every page in this "Poly Relationships Corner" forum.

[MonoVCPHG]

Here's a new term that came up on a Facebook group recently:

Bi-monogamous - referring to a person who desires one male and one female partner. Can be a applied to a couple where the relationship is open to both partners to have one additional partner of the same gender.

[SourGirl]

Here's a new term that came up on a Facebook group recently:

Bi-monogamous - referring to a person who desires one male and one female partner. Can be a applied to a couple where the relationship is open to both partners to have one additional partner of the same gender.

My jaded-self almost says 'like'. :cool:

[MonoVCPHG]

My jaded-self almost says 'like'. :cool:

You're a nice jaded-self though :)

[CrystalLiving]

Monomour - monogamous partner in a mono-poly relationship. Shares sexual/romantic affections with a single partner who knowingly has other loves.

Shares some possessive traits of the Monogamonster but has no hidden agenda to convert poly partner. ?!!

What a great post. I need to think about this more, focusing on the "hidden agenda" part.

God, I do not want to be that person. I would rather loose a relationship than have some kind of "hidden agenda" to convert someone who is poly to my comfort zone thinking.

Thank you for this.

CL

[Megziebaby216]

Very helpful to a polywog like myself! :)

[feelyunicorn]

What's the difference between a N-shaped and a Z-shaped relationship?

Other than all the letters of the alphabet in between...

[Tonberry]

What's the difference between a N-shaped and a Z-shaped relationship?

Other than all the letters of the alphabet in between...

They describe the same relationship dynamics. Same thing with M and W.

[feelyunicorn]

They describe the same relationship dynamics. Same thing with M and W.Cool, thanks. :)

[LadyManda]

I just want to say thanks for all the definitions to terms! I am completely new at this and reading some of the posts on here get confusing when you don't know what all the terms me! So thank you very much for this! :)

LadyManda

[redpepper]

Open Polyfidelity- Individuals add new partners without seeking approval, but consider the effects on existing partners.

Multiple Primary Partner- This involves three or more people who are all equal partners who negotiate for what they want whether that be sex, commitment or financial and living arrangements.

Multiple Non-Primary Relationships- This suits people with commitments such as work, a political cause, a creative vocation, children or family obligations etc.

[nycindie]

Found this definition of Unicorn in an old thread, thought it should be in this sticky:

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn:
"Unicorn, aka Hot Bi Babe or HBB, is a single bisexual (and hot!) woman who is looking to form a polyfi triad with an existing male-female couple, most often a married one. Unicorns are easygoing partners because they don't have any needs of their own in what comes to a relationship. They are totally happy to hang on to whatever nuggets of love and affection the original couple fish out their way. They are not usually very old and hence might have economic issues, and they are only too happy to move in with the couple in very early stages of the relationship. And of course they are willing to help around the house and with kids and whatnots, after all, they are getting free room and board.

Should somebody ask, unicorn is the live-in nanny/struggling student renting a room. They are never introduced to the family, invited along on social outings or holidays. The original couple maintains primacy and social approval, whereas the unicorn has to face constant pity from people who don't know she isn't single and comtempt from people who equate her with a homewrecker. Unicorns don't have kids because that would seriously mess up the dynamics. They can help bring up the original couple's kids, of course with no legal rights to them whatsoever. Unicorns are also easily disposable should they become cumbersome or needy. If something goes wrong in the relationship, it is the unicorn who isn't emotionally mature enough/doesn't respect the original couple/doesn't know how to share/is needy/is clingy/is unavailable/isn't committed enough etc.

Unicorn care is easy as long as you remember a few easy rules;
1) Original couple goes first. Always.
2) Unicorns are not really people, they are emotional and sexual resources to the original couple. Sex is only allowed in threesomes, and no individual relationships between the unicorn and either member of the couple should ever develop as not to threaten the cohesion of the original couple (see point 1).
3) If something's not working, play the 'How can you not be grateful for all we have done for you?' card with your unicorn, and if that isn't enough to scare her off, call her a homewrecker."

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[AutumnalTone]

Open Polyfidelity- Individuals add new partners without seeking approval, but consider the effects on existing partners.



That strikes me as one of those oxymorons that people use in an attempt to get emotional list of some sort for identifying as something they aren't. In this case, they have some emotional attachment for identifying as polyfi, only they don't actually *do* polyfi.