Polyamory and Oppression

[LovingRadiance]

Oppression:

1.The exercise of authority or power in a burdensom, cruel or unjust manner.
2. an act or instance of oppressing.
3.The state of being oppressed.
4. The feeling of being heavily burdened, mentally or physically, by troubles, adverse conditions, anxiety, etc.

Oppress

1. to burden with cruel or unjust impositions or restraints; subject to a burdensome or harsh exercise of authority or power: a people oppressed by totalitarianism.
2. to lie heavily upon (the mind, a person, etc.): Care and sorrow oppressed them.
3. to weigh down, as sleep or weariness does.
4. Archaic. to put down; subdue or suppress.
5. Archaic. to press upon or against; crush.

Polyamory

The word "polyamory" is based on the Greek and Latin for "many loves" (literally, poly many + amore love). A polyamorous relationship is a romantic relationship that involves more than two people.


For the sake of clearing up confusion I put definitions on here of the two words. I don't personally care how a person defines a word in their life-but in order to discuss anything in productive conversation we need to have a common understanding of meaning.

Please share how you feel that you have been or are oppressed in your life due to being involved in polyamory.

;)

[Erosa]

I personally was opressed by being expected to repair relationships that were already very messed up. I also was expected to automatically fix the exsisting sexaul problems for the couples I tried to be with.

And lastly, I was opressed in that I was denied love but expected upon pain of wrath and emotional beratement to give it.

[redpepper]

I personally was opressed by being expected to repair relationships that were already very messed up. I also was expected to automatically fix the exsisting sexaul problems for the couples I tried to be with.

And lastly, I was opressed in that I was denied love but expected upon pain of wrath and emotional beratement to give it.

Oh that's awful Erosa:(

I hope those days are over.

Oppression to me is always present. I see it everyday. Feel it everyday and no doubt dish it out everyday. Perhaps some perceive me to be oppressive because of unconscious actions I take or just how I express myself. To me it is a completely human trait that is not seen in nature. It's that niggley thing that makes us cruel to each other. Of course that can be on a larger scale with larger populations also.

As a poly person I try and keep tabs on my feelings of self righteousness that poly rocks! It's a bit of a balance however as I see people in my life struggling with their relationship dynamics and I have to keep myself in check about giving them space to receive my way of life rather than shove it down their throat as I think I am "right" about their relationships. Sure I feel like I am a bit of an authority on relationships and good communication. As it is a passion of mine and a life goal to perfect it for myself, but that doesn't mean others have chosen that. In fact a lot of people seem to be just trying to get through that aspect of life in order to balance out their comfort.

As a woman I experience oppression daily. As a poly woman I experience it also in terms of what traditional roles are and how I have two men to satisfy. Some of my female friends chose to think I am crazy. They see men as children that need to be coddled and in some way forgiven for their short comings about not being able to multitask, or for whining that they don't get to go out on their motorbike because they have to mow the lawn etc... talk about reverse oppression! If that is a term? I dunno, maybe I made it up?!

Some of my women friends think that I am a princess in a gilded cage that is taken care of by her two men. They think I am somehow owned by them as a toy they play with. These women I wonder, might wonder, what makes me so special that I have two men? What's her secret that she can be waited on hand and foot in some kind of condescending way. What has she given up in order to do so... in other words they think I am oppressed by either version they believe.

I could go on, as I have a lot more to say, but I will leave it at that for now as I want to hear others first.

Besides Mono is here chatting my ear off ....grrrrr :p;) he's oppressing me by with incessant talking. Hahaha! heh

(thanks LR for starting this thread, made me happy :D)

[MonoVCPHG]

No I'm not :p

I'm going to do a little sexy oppression for that comment;) Prepare yourself!!

[Ceoli]

It seems a lot of oppression that's experienced by people is borne on the assumptions other people make about them. The tricky part with that is that most people who are creating and perpetuating such oppression don't even know that they're doing it and what the effect of it is. And it is a difficult and sometimes painful process to come to the realization of one's personal role in perpetuating the oppression of others.

[redpepper]

My question is, what do I do that is oppressive and what can I do about it. Sure I have been a victim and am a victim but I find I learn about my own oppression by looking at what I can do to change what I do. That way I can ask for the change I need and advocate for myself and others.

Any ideas on how to not be oppressive?

[Ceoli]

My question is, what do I do that is oppressive and what can I do about it. Sure I have been a victim and am a victim but I find I learn about my own oppression by looking at what I can do to change what I do. That way I can ask for the change I need and advocate for myself and others.

Any ideas on how to not be oppressive?

That's a fantastic question. Especially since most people ask it a different way. Most people ask, "How can I combat oppression?" as if it's a great outside force that they are not a part of. The very fact that you're framing it as "How can I be less oppressive?" suggests that you're starting off having already taken some significant steps.

One thing that doesn't get talked about very much is privilege. Wherever there is one group being oppressed, there is another group that is privileged as a result of that oppression. This privilege is often unintentional by the people who experience it but it is always unearned. The hard part is starting to unpack what privileges we do have without feeling judgement by others or judging ourselves. But the first step to unplugging from the oppressive systems we live in is to understand the privileges bestowed upon us by those very same systems.

Another thing to realize is that because we have privilege in one area, that doesn't mean we have it in others. I'm white, that certainly gives me privilege. But I'm also a woman, where I experience oppression at the hands of male privilege. This could go on an on...sexual orientation, class, size, level of beauty, etc...Our other identities all weave into a tapestry of privilege and oppression all wrapped up together. But regardless of the identity being challenged, the dynamic that causes it is always the same.


This is a great essay that explains the many obvious and less obvious ways privilege manifests itself. It's framed in the context of race but I find it to be a great eye opener about how "default" things can be so much a part of the landscape that we don't even see them.

http://www.uakron.edu/centers/conflict/docs/whitepriv.pdf

A lot of other people have written about Peggy's essay. This is a good one about how male privilege can be seen in such light.

http://www.amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/

[Rarechild]

Sometimes it's amazing how all of the stimulus in my life seems related- interpersonal, school, my work, and sometimes this forum, like now.

As I'm sure we all are, I've been getting pretty heavy all over again into finding my own viewpoints clearly as of late, and trying to decide what's important, what deserves time, and what my limits are.

What strikes me as a widespread underlying factor in power structures and institutions as they relate to modern society is the Victorian Era and the schizophrenia that has rippled out all over the world as a result of that morally hysterical period and the class structure of the time that we certainly are not free of yet.

Obviously there have always been class/privelege/master vs. slave structures encouraging oppression for some and status for others, but i am currently overwhelmed with the lack of progress from Victorian times in this century.

Sorry, that has nothing to do with how I've been oppressed as a result of poly or how to remedy it, but you'll have to forgive me- I'm reading Nietzche, Oscar Wilde, and James Baldwin at the same time. :)

[AutumnalTone]

A lot of other people have written about Peggy's essay. This is a good one about how male privilege can be seen in such light.

http://www.amptoons.com/blog/the-male-privilege-checklist/

I had to laugh at this one, not because I disagree with the basic premise, but because it also perpetuates stereotypes that harm people. The best data we have available on domestic abuse shows that women abuse men more often than men abuse women. The spectacle of the man beating the woman bloody is what gets attention, however, and so many people assume most domestic abuse is aimed at women by men because of that. It's supposedly OK for women to abuse male partners because "she's just a woman" and can't "really" hurt him. A man, I guess, is supposed to suffer the abuse gladly.

It illustrates the point well that a lot of oppression happens because folks don't understand what they're doing.

[MonoVCPHG]

What does it mean if I draw a blank at this word? I can point to examples of oppression, but don't feel it. I can imagine what it would feel like.

I don't even feel like I am oppressed in my relationship from an external view point...the scary thing is I know why. It's because I feel I chose to live outside the norm so any oppression is brought on by myself. Does this make any sense? Am I so conditioned to be within the norm that I find it my fault if I am judged and therefore I have no right to complain?

Is this why, although I love being open about my relationship with my family and community, I shy away from promoting it even outside my personal concerns of mono/poly couplings?
Am I self oppressed?

[AutumnalTone]

Am I self oppressed?

You...you'll go blind doing that.

Didn't your mother warn you?

[MonoVCPHG]

You...you'll go blind doing that.

Didn't your mother warn you?

Nope...guess that explains the lasik eye surgery :o

[Ceoli]

I had to laugh at this one, not because I disagree with the basic premise, but because it also perpetuates stereotypes that harm people. The best data we have available on domestic abuse shows that women abuse men more often than men abuse women. The spectacle of the man beating the woman bloody is what gets attention, however, and so many people assume most domestic abuse is aimed at women by men because of that. It's supposedly OK for women to abuse male partners because "she's just a woman" and can't "really" hurt him. A man, I guess, is supposed to suffer the abuse gladly.

It illustrates the point well that a lot of oppression happens because folks don't understand what they're doing.

Most of the anti-oppression work I do is around race and not gender. That particular site was recommended to me by a friend but I have not read it from top to bottom. I definitely agree that domestic abuse is a problem for men as much as it is for women, but I'd love to see the data you're referring to so that I can be better informed when recommending any other sites like that.

[LovingRadiance]

What does it mean if I draw a blank at this word? I can point to examples of oppression, but don't feel it. I can imagine what it would feel like.

I don't even feel like I am oppressed in my relationship from an external view point...the scary thing is I know why. It's because I feel I chose to live outside the norm so any oppression is brought on by myself. Does this make any sense? Am I so conditioned to be within the norm that I find it my fault if I am judged and therefore I have no right to complain?

Is this why, although I love being open about my relationship with my family and community, I shy away from promoting it even outside my personal concerns of mono/poly couplings?
Am I self oppressed?

I haven't a clue Mono-but I'm struggling to respond to it as well. I know people must be wondering since I started the thread-but that was more for RP then having a clue what to write! ;)
I guess in some way I have lived on the edge of "unacceptable" for so long-I don't notice other people's reactions.
In another way-I also figure if I am going to insist on being "different" from the "norm" in a billion ways-I should expect to be treated as different....

Not sure that's GOOD. Just not sure about how to do something about it either....

[MonoVCPHG]

In another way-I also figure if I am going to insist on being "different" from the "norm" in a billion ways-I should expect to be treated as different....

Not sure that's GOOD. Just not sure about how to do something about it either....

Bingo!! That is what I feel as well. Add that to a long history of being deeply entrenched in the "norm" and you end up with someone who points fingers at himself more than others do.
I'm starting to think the "norm" is a huge pile of shit. Nobody is truly "normal"; they just have a way of showing one side. Therefore you end up with a lot of one dimensional people on the surface. I still miss it though.

But is this a form of oppression?

[redpepper]

This whole topic really weighs me down. Do I ever get to feel that I am not oppressive? So what if I am privileged in some areas of my life? I am in that I can buy clothes from Bangledesh at Old Navy for instance. That makes me an oppressor by supporting their store and therefore those that oppress them. If clothing stores such as that only offer clothes from oppressed countries then how and when do I get to not feel like shit for buying them when that is all that is offered. Sure there is so much we can do and I do as much as I can but the burden can be SOooo heavy and it piles guilt and shame onto me that is also oppressive. Much of the way our culture is set up is around oppression in one way or another. What do we do, add everything up and see who comes out as the most oppressed and then sit with that.... what is the point in that? What do we do next?

Is this making sense?

I'm sorry, I don't feel it relates to poly, but I feel as if it needs to just be for me at the moment before I can find the way that it does relate... as I know it does.

[MonoVCPHG]

Is this making sense?

.

Yup! And I think the key is to find one way to alleviate the feeling of oppression as you see it and then move on to the next. Otherwise it will likely more than weigh you down; it might crush you. Focus and take action :)

[Ceoli]

This whole topic really weighs me down. Do I ever get to feel that I am not oppressive? So what if I am privileged in some areas of my life? I am in that I can buy clothes from Bangledesh at Old Navy for instance. That makes me an oppressor by supporting their store and therefore those that oppress them. If clothing stores such as that only offer clothes from oppressed countries then how and when do I get to not feel like shit for buying them when that is all that is offered. Sure there is so much we can do and I do as much as I can but the burden can be SOooo heavy and it piles guilt and shame onto me that is also oppressive. Much of the way our culture is set up is around oppression in one way or another. What do we do, add everything up and see who comes out as the most oppressed and then sit with that.... what is the point in that? What do we do next?

Is this making sense?

I'm sorry, I don't feel it relates to poly, but I feel as if it needs to just be for me at the moment before I can find the way that it does relate... as I know it does.


This is always a tough one. And the answers are certainly not easy.

Ok, the next thing I'm about to say will often raise people's hackles so please be aware that there is no intent to attack or put anyone down as I go into this. But this is a common issue for many many people. The answer is a hard and difficult answer to live with.

How do you deal with all the weight of this? By realizing that it's not about you.

It's about developing an understanding of the world that has more truth than shelter in it and learning to redefine what choices are right and wrong in the context of that understanding. Its about understanding my role in the oppressive systems we live in. I'm not responsible for those systems, but I am responsible for my choices that I make within those systems.

Yes, each of us can only do so much. But that "so much" isn't about making a list of things you can't do because they're oppressive. The more you keep the awareness of that oppression in you, the more your choices will be informed by that understanding. I make my choices based on honoring that understanding, not based on alleviating my guilt, because those choices aren't about me, they're about trying to be a good human being.

If I were to take the approach of choosing one thing or "cause" to alleviate the oppression and move on, I'm only making choices to alleviate my guilt, and in many ways is a very privileged way to approach the situation.

I firmly believe that people in the world are basically of good conscience. The more people understand about the realities of others created by the privileges we have (even though we didn't create that situation), the more people will make choices that help to undue it.

[Quath]

This whole topic really weighs me down. Do I ever get to feel that I am not oppressive? So what if I am privileged in some areas of my life? I am in that I can buy clothes from Bangledesh at Old Navy for instance. That makes me an oppressor by supporting their store and therefore those that oppress them. If clothing stores such as that only offer clothes from oppressed countries then how and when do I get to not feel like shit for buying them when that is all that is offered. Sure there is so much we can do and I do as much as I can but the burden can be SOooo heavy and it piles guilt and shame onto me that is also oppressive. Much of the way our culture is set up is around oppression in one way or another. What do we do, add everything up and see who comes out as the most oppressed and then sit with that.... what is the point in that? What do we do next?
You could be helping those oppressed countries by buying stuff from them.

One sad example is that people felt bad about buying good produced by child labor. So they passed a law that forbid people to buy them. They figured the children would no longer be forced to work. But the end effect is that the children needed the money. From Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweat_shop): "In Bangladesh, there was a closure of several sweatshops which had been run by a German company, and as a result, thousands of Bangladeshi children who had been working in those sweatshops ended up working as prostitutes, turning to crime, or starving to death."

Our good intentions made it worse for them.

[Ceoli]

You could be helping those oppressed countries by buying stuff from them.

One sad example is that people felt bad about buying good produced by child labor. So they passed a law that forbid people to buy them. They figured the children would no longer be forced to work. But the end effect is that the children needed the money. From Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweat_shop): "In Bangladesh, there was a closure of several sweatshops which had been run by a German company, and as a result, thousands of Bangladeshi children who had been working in those sweatshops ended up working as prostitutes, turning to crime, or starving to death."

Our good intentions made it worse for them.

I agree that good intentions don't always have good consequences. I also agree that boycotting sweatshop clothes may not necessarily improve things for the laborers. But I wouldn't go so far as to say that it "helps" them to continue feeding the system that keeps them in sweatshops. It merely maintains the status quo which is a pretty sucky status quo for them and a really good one for us. The hard part is to take that awareness and find a new solution with it.

[GroundedSpirit]

I'm afraid I don't feel I have much to contribute to this discussion without a lot of thought & study.
Except this and I think I saw at least some references to it in several places including the definitions offered themselves.

My first (and only at the moment) thought regarding oppression is that it's a side effect of unacceptable use of "power".

I recall putting out a common quote somewhere here in the past about "power corrupting".
In fact, a substantial part of my life has been involved in working against and educating people in general about the dangers of "power" - period. That's my personal "soapbox" which I don't feel belongs here although the ramifications in this lifestyle are considerable. Probably far more so than "oppression". A lot of it is very philosophical and heady stuff which I - for myself- just feel would be a bit overwhelming for here.

But I'll toss this out..............in a nutshell.
We ALL have power available to us in some form. We have to be extremely careful in the exercise of that power, and strive to understand what are often the far reaching effects of our power. Living with the awareness OF that power needs to be a daily affair. It's a lifelong challenge.

GS

[LovingRadiance]

Bingo!! That is what I feel as well. Add that to a long history of being deeply entrenched in the "norm" and you end up with someone who points fingers at himself more than others do.
I'm starting to think the "norm" is a huge pile of shit. Nobody is truly "normal"; they just have a way of showing one side. Therefore you end up with a lot of one dimensional people on the surface. I still miss it though.

But is this a form of oppression?

I don't know if it is or not honestly. :)

I do know what you mean though about one-dimensional people. A friend of mine jsut mentioned that friends of theirs are divorcing after nearly 20 year of marriage over one of them being poly. The friend of mine had no clue it was an issue in the other couples life.
Well-that would be because we learn to live "normal" for society and be whoever you really are deep inside yourself somewhere I guess.

Our family (the whole extended family not just our poly family) has always joked about "did you find normal yet" when we talk. My parents work in the medical and psychological fields and so often encounter the reality that "normal" isn't something that can fit over a larger number of people well. What is "normal temperature" for me it may be completely different than for you.

Normal is supposed to be "common" but that doesn't mean RIGHT. Yet our society seems to be of the opinion that normal is "right" and abnormal is "wrong". We aren't cancers! Normal isn't necessarily right, it's just common and often it's actually WRONG.

Normal WAS being a slaveholder at one time in the US. Now it's not..
Normal for women WAS being owned by a man (father or husband) even in the US now it's not..

Normal isn't always a good thing to be...

Rambling now. sorry!

[LovingRadiance]

This whole topic really weighs me down. Do I ever get to feel that I am not oppressive? So what if I am privileged in some areas of my life? I am in that I can buy clothes from Bangledesh at Old Navy for instance. That makes me an oppressor by supporting their store and therefore those that oppress them. If clothing stores such as that only offer clothes from oppressed countries then how and when do I get to not feel like shit for buying them when that is all that is offered. Sure there is so much we can do and I do as much as I can but the burden can be SOooo heavy and it piles guilt and shame onto me that is also oppressive. Much of the way our culture is set up is around oppression in one way or another. What do we do, add everything up and see who comes out as the most oppressed and then sit with that.... what is the point in that? What do we do next?

Is this making sense?

I'm sorry, I don't feel it relates to poly, but I feel as if it needs to just be for me at the moment before I can find the way that it does relate... as I know it does.

Let me see, you are poly, I'm poly, Mono is living a poly life even if he's not poly and we are discussing issues we encounter in our lives and struggle with in different ways. How can it not relate to poly honey?

I find it frustrating that we (general) say we want to stop/end/reduce oppression and yet our whole systems for our life are (as you were noting) based on oppression, which in turn oppresses us, because we're stuck living in it... I'm not sure how one gets out of that.
One of our issues is Walmart. Everyone complains about purchasing anything from Walmart as it's supporting economies that are big on oppression issues-but it's also the only place with anything REMOTELY affordable to purchase where we live.

I would love to grow our own food to some degree, but we only have a growing season of about 4 months in a year. It's too cold the rest of the time(and the ground is under feet of snow). I've started doing that through the entire summer (we grow all of our veggies and eat A LOT of salads) and I managed to keep tomatoe plants alive year round inside-but with 9 people (soon to be more) in our house... there isn't room for a whole garden to feed that many IN the house!

Same with clothing. I can sew-but it's actually cheaper to buy clothing then fabric! Even if both are purchased at Walmart! UGH.

[LovingRadiance]

Yup! And I think the key is to find one way to alleviate the feeling of oppression as you see it and then move on to the next. Otherwise it will likely more than weigh you down; it might crush you. Focus and take action :)

Any ideas on a one? I'd love to hear some basic-one or two sentence ideas for "step one" things to do. :)

I know ADD has a bad habit of allowing ones brain to run so rampant that you find yourself overwhelmed before you even start. I have that issue with my ADD and also with my 3 ADD kids and other ADD friends. I was tweaked and feeling stupid about it in myself before I talked to the psychiatrist.

So anyway-great idea for starting with one Mono-and if you have some suggestions on starting places that a person could try to put in place for step one I'd love to work on a list like that!!;)

[LovingRadiance]

But I'll toss this out..............in a nutshell.
We ALL have power available to us in some form. We have to be extremely careful in the exercise of that power, and strive to understand what are often the far reaching effects of our power. Living with the awareness OF that power needs to be a daily affair. It's a lifelong challenge.

GS

God ain't that the truth! I was JUST trying to explain that to someone recently. Not so eloquently-but alas I was trying.
Its something I see with children. We complain about how kids and teens behave "these days" but then we (as parents) control every detail of their childhood to the point of making it "perfect" for them and not allowing them to suffer the natural consequences of their choices when they are young and the consequences seem huge to them, but aren't as life-long damaging.

I get a lot of flack, because of things like when my stepson screamed and threw a fit over not wanting to put his boots on before we left, I just proceeded in silence to put the boots (and his clothes he was also refusing) into the car, seatbelted his sister in (he as 2 and she was 6). Went back in he was still flipping out. Told him quietly-I'm leaving now you need to get in the car so you aren't left alone. He screamed his bloody head off running naked and barefoot through the snow (yes it was freezing cold outside too) to the car (already warmed up and unnecessary to wear a coat in it) where I seatbelted his diaper only self into his seat after asking once more "are you goign to put your clothes and boots on?" quietly and calmly. He replied "NO!!!" followed by some uncharacteristic of that age group expletives (learned from his already abusive life prior to me).
I got in my seat-put on my seatbelt and drove to my daughters school and his preschool. Asked him again. By this time he'd screamed and cussed at me for 20 miles. He'd finally calmed down and was just crying. Faced with the knowledge that if he said no I would just walk him through the snow barefoot and naked to the school, he agreeably put his clothes and boots on.

ALL the flack I got resulting in his teacher and mother calling children's services. I agreed that yes I did do EXACTLY that. They concluded it was an appropriate use of natural consequences and that any other option would have led to high potential of physical abuse... The key being that at each step he was offered the OPPORTUNITY to correct his behavior and put on appropriate clothing. AND steps were taken to insure no permanent injury (I did NOT make him walk 20 miles in the snow for example, only from door to car).
Amazingly that kid-even with all his other issues due to being a drug baby-does NOT scream and throw fits when I tell him he needs to do something, he does it and if he is confused to why I want him to-he ASKS. Which allows him to learn consequences even if he doesn't have to live them.

If we use our power incorrectly even for a SEEMINGLY good cause-we can REALLY fuck things up for the future.

Recently I've been REALLY harping on the family here that each person MUST consider the LONG term POTENTIAL consequences (good or bad) of their actions because they are responsible for them even if they were unintended.

Ok-sorry-that was long. :o

[Ceoli]

I find it frustrating that we (general) say we want to stop/end/reduce oppression and yet our whole systems for our life are (as you were noting) based on oppression, which in turn oppresses us, because we're stuck living in it... I'm not sure how one gets out of that.
One of our issues is Walmart. Everyone complains about purchasing anything from Walmart as it's supporting economies that are big on oppression issues-but it's also the only place with anything REMOTELY affordable to purchase where we live.

This is SOOO true. It's not really fair to expect people to immediately stop doing the things they need to survive for the sake of the hardships they create. We're just as trapped in many ways and your description of it was eloquent and spot on. A lot of the major change that needs to happen can't really happen unless there is political will in a society to create that change.

The main reason I do anti-oppression work is that when people become more aware, that political will does slowly build. I think about how the idea of Fair Trade is far more accepted and generally used than it used to be. People are doing more to consider their carbon footprint (which also ties to a lot of oppression issues) and it's slowly becoming a more fundamental part of our society. And the increased viral nature of the media makes it very difficult to ignore the parts of the world that we're connected to under the surface. Slowly that will is shifting.

As far as ideas for practical things to do, I'm a huge fan of awareness campaigns. Gathering together people who have similar concerns can do wonders to create action. It's a really great way to connect with other people and build a sense of community and justice, as long as you don't mind the metaphorical tomatoes that get thrown at you quite a bit.

But Martin Luther King said it best: The arc of the universe bends towards justice.

[LovingRadiance]

This is SOOO true. It's not really fair to expect people to immediately stop doing the things they need to survive for the sake of the hardships they create. We're just as trapped in many ways and your description of it was eloquent and spot on. A lot of the major change that needs to happen can't really happen unless there is political will in a society to create that change.

The main reason I do anti-oppression work is that when people become more aware, that political will does slowly build. I think about how the idea of Fair Trade is far more accepted and generally used than it used to be. People are doing more to consider their carbon footprint (which also ties to a lot of oppression issues) and it's slowly becoming a more fundamental part of our society. And the increased viral nature of the media makes it very difficult to ignore the parts of the world that we're connected to under the surface. Slowly that will is shifting.

As far as ideas for practical things to do, I'm a huge fan of awareness campaigns. Gathering together people who have similar concerns can do wonders to create action. It's a really great way to connect with other people and build a sense of community and justice, as long as you don't mind the metaphorical tomatoes that get thrown at you quite a bit.

But Martin Luther King said it best: The arc of the universe bends towards justice.

I'm all for gathering together like-minded support as well. Not up in that right now as I'm temporarily bed-ridden :( But I think it's a good step. The hardest part for me is that where we live is a fairly well-known (haha) small town (wasilla alaska) and demonstrations of any kind here tend to be VERY VERY small, shortlived and unsuccessful. The amount of SPACE that the small number of people here cover is HUGE.. Wasilla is a tiny part of the Matsu-Borough which is 25,000 square miles. The population in 2003 (most current I could EASILY find at the moment) was 65,241... all spread out over that space. Some of those are fly-in only remote homes of one family (yes seriously). :(

So anyway-even if I were physically up to doing a rally or other type of gathering-I don't live in a great place for it.


Anyway-I DO think it's a great idea and HOPEFULLY when we move I'll be at least driving distance from places where making a big "scene" like that is more likely and more "seen". :)

[Ceoli]

Yeah, the bedridden part sucks. How long is that going on? :(

But gatherings don't necessarily have to be demonstrations. It can start with something as simple as a book group where the books all address oppression issues (I've got a great list of books for such things, though the focus of most of them are around race issues).

An awareness campaign can start with something as simple as bringing in a public speaker who speaks on such topics to a church or bringing in a trainer for a group of people who are interested in learning more about anti-oppressive practices.

Not that demonstrations don't have their place, because they're needed too, they're just one branch of a vast tree. But yeah, I'd think all bets are off in Wasilla for a while longer :P

[LovingRadiance]

Yeah, the bedridden part sucks. How long is that going on? :(
Well Tuesday I go in for a cortisone shot to the neck (yuck). That should alleviate a signficant amount of the pain temporarily within 2-3 days. Then I'll be up again until they get a breast reduction scheduled. But that will put me down to some degree or another for another few weeks.
HOPEFULLY that will be enough to resolve the major issues-if not then I'm looking at major surgery to replace the center of the disk and I haven't even LOOKED into the downtime on that yet. :( HOPING to avoid going that far.

But gatherings don't necessarily have to be demonstrations. It can start with something as simple as a book group where the books all address oppression issues (I've got a great list of books for such things, though the focus of most of them are around race issues).

Out of bedrest I tend to be very involved in group activities that are more along that line. In Alaska we have a HUGE number of students who are homeschooled through state and district run programs (due to how many kids don't live where they can access other people much less schools). But there remains a great deal of "oppression" on that topic across the country and much of it negatively impacts us here, inspite of us having a great deal of standing evidence that we not only do it successfully-but very successfully. Anyway-that is one topic that I am HIGHLY involved in up here.
Race not so much-it's really not been a huge deal in my life. When I visited my grandparents in Missouri-WHEW that was a WHOLE other story! I was STUNNED by the racist b.s. that was "normal" in Kansas City. Not to mention disgusted!
Up here things are so racial mixed up, heck we're also mixed up nationalities, that it gets ridiculously silly when someone pops off with rasicst b.s. No one really puts up with it and it tends to result in being ostracized.

HOWEVER-sexism certainly runs rampant!

An awareness campaign can start with something as simple as bringing in a public speaker who speaks on such topics to a church or bringing in a trainer for a group of people who are interested in learning more about anti-oppressive practices.

Not that demonstrations don't have their place, because they're needed too, they're just one branch of a vast tree.

I think it would be interesting to hear some of the different oppression issues people on here are experiencing. Because I think it's very different from place to place. I've lived here pretty much my entire life and it's a whole different very sheltered world in many ways then the rest of the US. We just don't encounter the same things as it's so isolated here.

But yeah, I'd think all bets are off in Wasilla for a while longer :P

UH... YEAH! :D

[NeonKaos]

So anyway-even if I were physically up to doing a rally or other type of gathering-I don't live in a great place for it.



But at least you can SEE Russia from your back porch!

right?

[LovingRadiance]

But at least you can SEE Russia from your back porch!

right?

Right... oh wait.... nope..... DAMN! :p

[GroundedSpirit]

LR,
I'm picturing this whole scene in my head and laughing my arse off.
Having raised a houseful of kids ourselves it brought back memories.
Hats off to you girl in general for taking on the challenge you have and trying to make a difference. There's soooooo many kids out there that need that more than anything.

GS

He screamed his bloody head off running naked and barefoot through the snow (yes it was freezing cold outside too) to the car (already warmed up and unnecessary to wear a coat in it) where I seatbelted his diaper only self into his seat after asking once more "are you goign to put your clothes and boots on?" quietly and calmly. He replied "NO!!!" followed by some uncharacteristic of that age group expletives (learned from his already abusive life prior to me).
:o

[LovingRadiance]

LR,
I'm picturing this whole scene in my head and laughing my arse off.
Having raised a houseful of kids ourselves it brought back memories.
Hats off to you girl in general for taking on the challenge you have and trying to make a difference. There's soooooo many kids out there that need that more than anything.

GS

Thank you GS. I have to say-that little "monster" is now 13. He still has some extensive psychological issues due to the drugs/alcohol consumed while he was in utero and exacerbated by the crap his parents put him through in the first 18 months of life plus the crap the courts put him through (dragging him back to his mom every time she went through rehab which averaged every 6-9 months for the last 11+ years).
But he decided that he was done with her b.s. Right now he's staying with MY dad so she can't "find" him. Of course she knows he's with my dad. But they live in another state and as we are in Alaska-it's not easy to GET to him. I helped him file court paperwork that allowed him the freedom to not see her or see her as HE see's fit so that the courts can't make him go just becuase she does rehab again (which she did again last month due to getting busted for another DUI). That has helped A LOT.
He's a smart kid. Just really got a crappy start. He calls me every couple days and talks to the kids and I. He talks to Maca too-but usually more like once a week or so. Maca is going to go spend Christmas with him. I wish I could go-but the truth is that we can't afford to send all of us and I can't go without the other kids. Fortunately-D (that's what the baby calls him) is VERY aware of and understanding of my commitment to not ONLY him but to all my kids. He and I write back and forth too-but I certainly write more than he does! (boys boys boys).
His older sister turned 18 this year. She's doing very well also. His younger brother is 9 and he's the angel I DEFINATELY DID NOT deserve! He's just one of those people who is SO caring, friendly, loving, respectful, thoughtful. It's almost scary cause you wonder when the bad side will come out. :)
With me down right now for health issues he picks up a LOT of slack (without being asked) and every day I feel appreciate of him and a little guilty because he's just such an awesome person and he's so young!
The baby-well she's spit and vinegar all over. All day long she has to say she's sorry to her 9 year old brother. She's generally well behaved-but she hasn't yet figured out that the world doesn't revolve around her. :) She will though!

(ok slightly off topic-but as you can see they are my pride and joy for real!
There are actually more that I care for regularly. My 4 godkids and 4 more. But that's certainly another thread! ;)