View Full Version : Hi :)
10-30-2011, 03:32 AM
My parent's raised me to be a very open individual. From a very early age I learned about homosexuality because my mother had gay friends. The thought of judging another person based on their sexual orientation, religion, skin color, anything, never even occurred to me.
Fast forward to high school where I met my fiance. He was openly gay, and I was starting to experiment with girls, but I was hopelessly in love with him. My senior year we started dating much to the confusion of our peers. We live in a very close-minded town. It's hard to explain being pansexual here.
The two of us have always had very open minds thanks to our upbringing and personal experiences. So when the threesome subject came up we both were down for it. In our search for someone to help us with our sexual needs/fantasies, we have met a guy and who we genuinely care about. The plan is to have him move in within the next few months.
So, here I am. Excited, nervous, and for the first time in my life, in love with two men at the same time.
10-30-2011, 06:41 AM
10-30-2011, 06:48 AM
Welcome! Some quick thoughts...
Is this guy a shared boyfriend? Such triads, where a new partner joins an existing couple, are notoriously difficult, especially for people who are new to poly and haven't yet had to deal with the inevitable issues of communication, jealousy, etc. that multiple love relationships tend to bring up. I don't say this to discourage you from pursuing this relationship, but rather to encourage you to do a lot of reading, writing, thinking, and talking, and to assume that there will be bumps in the road so that they don't blindside you.
Let me recommend especially this article (meant for people in the new guy's position): http://www.morethantwo.com/coupledating.html
You may also get good stuff by doing a tag search here for unicorn, triad, and similar topics.
One thing I will discourage you from, actually... having a new partner move in too quickly has been the downfall of many poly relationships... be careful about this! Once you're sure you've got the dynamics between the three of you all worked out it may be a perfect choice, but a few months, when you're still in the giddy new love phase, is probably not enough time for that. You don't want the issues and conflicts to come to light only after you're already all living in the same space where every issue will be magnified and no one will be able to get away to take a little space if they need to.
I hope I don't seem too critical, I truly wish you guys the best!
10-30-2011, 01:10 PM
Why have him move in so quickly? It's a big leap from fulfilling sexual fantasies to developing a loving relationship and getting along well enough to live together.
10-30-2011, 09:12 PM
Thanks to everyone for welcoming me! It's great to see such positive people in a world where everyone chooses to be negative most of the time.
AnnabelMore: Thank you for your advice. I haven't had a chance to visit the link you posted but I will try to make time to do so. I know this isn't going to be easy. I know that there will inevitably be conflicts among us. I don't really have a grasp as to what those conflicts will be yet, but then again, who really does when you start a new relationship with someone? :) I didn't find your advice to be overly critical. In reading through some threads I saw many of your responses to other people and you seem to be a very knowledgeable and kind person. So I thank you for your advice.
nycindie: I also appreciate your advice in not moving in together too soon. To be completely honest, I never thought it would be a bad thing to have him move in with us as quickly as we are planning, but it's quickly coming to light that we should spend more time with each other before that happens.
We have all become very close to each other. It quickly became more than just sex between the three of us. We do have a bond. We like each other as people and we enjoy each other's company and conversation. But, I think we might hold off on any major decisions like living together for awhile.
Again, thank you so much for welcoming me here. Only a few of our friends know what is going on in our life, and they understand and don't judge. But it's nice to be able to find a place where I can talk to other people who actually understand the lifestyle.