What do I do???

[Kraven]

I started reading about polyamory a few months ago, what I read I feel in love with but then I met someone....

She was all that I've ever wanted in a girlfriend to put it simply! After several weeks of heavy courting I've started to feel like she's too...practical for me where as I am more emotional! Not really sure how to put it but basically its like she's fire and I'm ice...they oppesites attract but I'm not so sure about that!

The question here is that after some deliberation I've come to accept the fact that if I get in a monogamous relationship with her some of my needs might not be met and in that situation I won't be free to explore other possible partners! With her its all or nothing and I just don't want to be in another incomplete relationship! But with the lack of contact with other poly minded people I'm worried that I'll be hard pressed to find someone to share my time with!

I don't like being monogamous but if I was going to be that way it would be with her...despite our obvious differences!

I'm a complex man so I've never felt like any one person can satisfy me so poly was sort of my answer to this delima but if I let her slip away I won't be able to change my mind! Does anyone have any advise as to how to go about making this choice? I need an unbiased opinion....

Thanks in advance for all the help!

[MonoVCPHG]

But with the lack of contact with other poly minded people I'm worried that I'll be hard pressed to find someone to share my time with!

!

You are not the only poly person in this situation my friend. I have a male poly friend who has just discovered that he was poly and like you has an "all or nothing" girlfriend who is very monogamous. They have come to accept that there relationship has limited future potential but are getting as much positive from it while it lasts.

There is a peaceful beauty in accepting this and I am very impressed by there commitment to each other despite their apparent inevitable reshaping of the love they have. He is struggling with loving her and wanting to change the boundries of their relationship so he can have her and others. He has even asked that I talk to her as I am monogamous. I warned him off this as I would do his current state no good. I don't promote mono/poly relationships accept possibly in polyfidelous situations where there is a limited number of loves in a closed structure. That seems to be the most acceptable dynamic for the successful integration of mono/poly natures. He's not looking for that and therefore I would discourage them from changing their initial agreement.

He does socialize with lots of like minded poly people however. Just because you hang around other poly people it doesn't mean you fuck them LOL!!..you're girlfriend could use that bit of info I'm sure!

Inevitably you will have to find out what is healthy for you and follow your nature. Where that takes you only time will tell but don't end things prematurely...enjoy what you have :)